Ever noticed that reading a newspapers a bit like watching a third rate soap opera. The same old theme played out but just with different characters, well tabloids are the same, the same old patterns begin to emerge with astonishing regularity Ill demonstrate.

For instance if there has been a murder, the victim is always described as popular, bubbly and intellegent. They are never described like this "Mr Smith was described by his relatives as a miserable, selfish loner who had a face which looked like it had been hit repeatedly with a large sledgehammer." The killer will also always be described by his neighbours as the following "He was a bit strange", and the quintessential "I never saw him have a girlfriend."

Then theres that obsession with house prices "John Jones was today convicted of fraud, we spoke to his wife in their £300 000 Reading home." Who cares how much his flippin house costs, it's irellevant!

A child rescued from a burning house is always described as a "blaze tot". What!!??!

The self rightous right wing newspapers do these headlines frequently if they think judges have been too harsh on someone (especially white middle class people):
Mrs Smith sent to jail for 23 years for failing to pay her TV licence (But meanwhile Asylum Seekers get 2 million pounds each and a hotel suite at The Ritz at YOU the taxpayers expense")

You can hear the foaming at the mouth of the Little Englanders as they eat their breakfast!!

Ill think of more cliches when I've got the time.

Anyone with over 3 GCSE'S (about three more GCSE's than most Sun readers have)is always described as a "boff"

The blatent hypocracy and double standards of the humble red top beggars all human belief as these articles in the Daily Star showed.

One one page it had the headline "PERVS PRAYING ON UNDERAGE YOUTHS" or something along those lines, and on the opposite page, and I swear this is true it had a countdown in days until opera singer Charlotte Church was sixteen, with the dubious headline "X DAYS TILL CHARLOTTES LEGAL!!" or some such other tabloid smutty headline. In the words of Richard Littlejohn "You couldn't make it up!"

They use dartboards & Roulette wheels to create tabloid arcticles.

There! The secret is out!

If a government hasn't acted on something it is accused of sweeping it under the carpet, & if they do then they are accused of interfearing.

If a law is rexlaxed than a government is accused of being slack, but if it tightens up a law it is accused of starting a nanny state.

The tabloids ALWAYS do this type of story. Anyone who is caught speeding by a speed camera and fined is treated as a martyr on a par with Joan of Arc, and the tabloid will always say something along the line of "why dont the police concentrate on 'real' crime instead of the beleagured motorist." to which we all say in a loud voice "SPEEDING IS A CRIME!!!! IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE FINED, DONT EXCEED THE NUMBER IN THAT RED CIRCLE AT THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. IT'S NOT THAT HARD FOR HEAVENS SAKE!!!"

Rant over..pass the paper bag im starting to go red and clammy..

Before the Hutton Report some papers were campagning for the TV licence to be scrapped & the BBC having an unfair advantage, but them suddenly switched to claiming the BBC to be a national treasure which must be protected at all coasts.