I am on almost every Internet personals. (Ladies, checkout castlelong.) Everyone Internet personal service is different. What I learned recently is Men are censored.

As a man, let me explain. It is like the Japanese soldiers in WWII. Their decision to fight until dead made no sense. Then U.S. troops faced the army they fought before the U.S. in Korea and it made sense. Against the Chinese if you had no chance but kept fighting you might win. Men are like that.

Male censored evolved in response to women’s censored.

As a male I understand. No one can say as little in 4,000 words than a single 30-40 year old woman.

A typical personal ad (edited to preserve your sanity):

About me: Gee, it is really hard to talk about yourself. I’m a real nice person. I’m down to earth. I’m not high maintenance. I’m funny, cute and just looking for a guy who doesn’t play head games. ...

My ideal match: He should be witty, charming and a nice guy. A well-developed sense of humor is a definite plus. No players please. I hate players. ...

(In case you are female and can’t see, she has told you nothing. If you are a dull, evil player – and you admit to yourself – maybe you’ll pass if you don’t just lie.)

This is about male censored, so no more female bashing (although they earn it).

I have multiple e-mail addresses. I often do two profiles. Many services have different rules for men and women who have not paid. (For instance one allows men who have not paid to send but not read messages, but women who have not paid can read but not reply.) To know what limitations my target audience has the second profile is sometimes female.

I’M A HETEREOSEXUAL!! I don’t wear frilly underwear because it makes me feel pretty. (Unless she's into that.) For the about me section I write, “Sorry, I’m a guy. I want to check out their e-mail capabilities.” For my ideal match I write, “A woman.”

I usually don’t bother to post a picture, because that is just plain weird. (Hey, as a chick I’d be real ugly.)

I usually get hit on. No, not gay guys. Guys that obviously think I’m female. Guys that obviously have not read my profile. I used to reply (when free) that I’m a guy and they are censored that obviously don’t read the profiles and I have to prove I’m not a censored like you.

Just incase anyone thinks I'm kidding I’ll copy a real "About my match" from a real personal. I'll anonymize it. (Is "Anonimize" a word?)

I like a more sophisticated man who likes to dress well. He should be confident, fun and flexible. I expect him to care about himself to keep lean and in good physical shape, a muscular body preferred ;) I cannot be with an overweight man. He would have to work out and/or play sports to stay active and in shape. I would love to participate in sports with him like racquetball, tennis and golf. He should be intelligent, witty and charming, with a great sense of humor and of course handsome. I am not asking for too much am I??? I will not settle for less. I also appreciate good manners, consideration, confidence and good temperament. I would like him to have a high energy level and to be very active who likes to go out often but is also affectionate. I would like him to be very spontaneous but also plans things out at times. I would love him to have the freedom to take time off to do something special or to travel at will. I love surprises and I love to surprise him and do special little things for him. Let's keep life interesting, fun and exciting. It is very important to me to have a close mental and emotional connection with someone...to have many of the same interests so we can enjoy them even more by sharing. I want to truly care for one another to nurture each other and have complete trust and loyalty. I want to admire him; I want him to be strong, confident and happy with no hidden anger. I want him to be totally comfortable with me so he is unafraid to share his deepest thoughts. This has to do with the closeness.

Man, ladies, I could have claimed my rights under the UN charter were violated because I had to read that.

Ask yourselves who actually says, "I'm not sophisticated, dress like a slob, have no confidence, am not fun or flexible, fat and inactive (and plan to stay that way). I fear traveling because those uniformed people will touch my luggage. I'm dumb as a post. Not witty at all. Etc." You got the idea. I sympathize with not wanting to read pages and pages of this sort of drek.

That does not absolve you loser guys who can't be bothered to notice that chick you’re hitting on is a guy.

I have to agree that some guys just don't read the message.

I wanted to do some glamour photography, and needed some props. I posted to a local group asking if anyone who knew me could lend me the props, and included a photo of what I was trying to achieve.

Promptly got chatted up by some guy who thought I was the girl in the photograph.

Now look, if I'm the girl in the photograph with the props, why would I be asking to borrow the props so that I can take a photo just like the one I just posted?

(I let him down gently.)

I only belong to one on-line service. I had an ad at Yahoo last year, but dumped it. Aren't the same people on all the services (match, cupid, kiss, lavalife etc.)? I've had the usual - women who seem interested, then don't reply to either phone calls or e-mails. I recently dumped from my mailbox a whole slew of messages from women who I know I'll never hear from again.
I also found one woman who was looking to borrow a large sum of money. Blew her off right away.
Still, though, if you do meet one good person, it all seems worth it.

Why gently, Sophie? Pointing out their stupidity/futility is so much more fun. *grins evilly*

We're a friendly, supportive bunch who frequently meet in real life. There was a good chance I'd meet the guy later on and being mean to him would have had consequences.

Besides, while putting people down is fun, I usually feel bad about it afterwards.

I would think feeling bad about a put-down would depend upon whether or not you meant it maliciously. But it's nice to know you are considerate of others' feelings, Sophie.

Hanna (or CC) and Sophie,

I bet you a nickle he does not read the reply beyond the first sentance.

Adam,

I don't know your age. Have you gotten the "see more pictures of me here: link to porno site." When I was younger and replied to 20 somethings that was common. Thirty is apparently the cut off.

General,

On IwantU you can post a profile, get and reply to messages, but you can not read another profile unless you pay. I got a message from Elouise19 and I could not read the profile. She said I was a cutie and asked if I would talk.

I replied that I'll talk to anyone, but I can't read her profile. If she is the 19th person named Elouise, then stop reading. If she is 19 years old, is her mother single? (Hey 18 years is a wide gulf.)

Despite my words I was feeling good that a 19 year old found me cute. (Major Hunk Studdly still has it!) Then someone at work pointed out with a name like Elouise the 19 could refer to her being born in 1919. (That hissing sound is air being released from my ballon. Major Hunk Studdly request you put your teeth back in.)

Hey, I've won a nickle!
(I'd ask you to post it, but the UK banks won't exchange small change.)

The guy in question read my whole reply (the 'gentle let down' was on the last line) and he even wrote to apologise for his error.

Hey, I've won a nickle!

Phillip!!!!!!

She said I was a cutie and asked if I would talk.

That may not be verbatim, but it sounds suspiciously like botspeak. Did she ever reply?

And (to Berry or anyone else applicable), how did those personals sites work out for you? I'm thinking of placing an ad myself. Any tips or pitfalls you can tell me about?

Blue,
I'm 48 (I'll be 49 in November.) I never got a porn link on match, but I did get one when I had my Yahoo ad last year.
I've been told that I have sensual eyes. Sounds like a line to me. It's pretty hard to see them in the picture I have on Match, as I'm wearing big glasses in it.

Nove,

No luck. Not surprising since 57% of on-line personals are male. (Hey you chicks got an open field.)

I had a few dates, but no second dates. I make my profiles limiting. A woman told me they should be more general to get more dates. I'm still trying to figure out why I want more dates that won't work out?

I have also noticed a differing definition of "few". I've have had dates with women who said they had a "few" extra pounds. Things vary, but I would assume that is 10 - 40 extra pounds. (Metric people that is 4.48 kg - 17.92 kg.) Apparently the decimal varies widely. (Note: Before anyone calls me shallow, do you want to be with someone who lies to themselves about their weight?)

As for Emile19 (I had the name wrong), here is the rest of the story. That personal page was new (to me). I put up my profile and left for work. That night I posted my picture there. After I was told I was a cutie the administrator told me my picture was approved. "She" sent it without seeing my picture. "She" is a porn site spammer that would tell me how to see her strip for only $24.95 a month.

At around 30 or so the average male knows what a naked women looks like. (He might still want to make sure sometimes. After all things might change.)

Oh, before I was talking of differing definitions. Ladies, what are dreamy eyes? ("Nice butt" I can figure out.)

Oh and the zeitgeist in women's profiles seems to have changed. Now they list opposites as their desired match. (I.E. A man who is career oriented but has time for family, who plans thing out but can just go on a whim, who is very health conscious but can eat a greasy burger without guilt, who is red but can be green. [Before anyone accuses me of making that up, the first three are real. The red/green thing I made up because I know some here lack male genitalia and think first three actually make sense.])

Sophie,

I'd mail you the nickel, but I think that violates a law somewhere.

Besides, he was British and may have had a few neurons left firing.

Berry,

only 57% males in on-line personals? That's lower than I would have thought, really.

I've noticed that 'opposites' thing too. I have a post somewhere about it. - Someone who can play, but knows when to be serious; Someone who can go to a fancy dinner party or watch a video at home. Blah. I'm waiting for these: "a man who knows when to spend money and when to be frugal; a man who can talk about our relationship but can also relax and just be happy with it."

Next to polticians, those profiles can be the most contentless messages I've ever seen (no offense intended to politicians on this thread; it's a generalization, albeit an accurate one).

I'm thinking of quitting match.com, or at least blowing off anyone else who answers my ad. (I'm paid up through May, 2004, and there are no refunds.) I thought I met someone great last week, but it appears she was just a player. I was looking forward to seeing her again, but it turns out she was just another take 'em for as much as you can get out of them type. The ones who blow you off after a first date (or even before) are, to their credit, more honest. If you don't want to go out with someone again, please don't act like you do.

Also, there are women who say stuff in their ad like "I'd like him to call me every night, just to say that he's thinking of me." But, when you do just that, they tell you to stop harassing them. In other words, you can't win.

I am a hot bonde 21 year old babe. Come date me!-

-A 50 year old 200 pound man with nautical tatoos
all over his arms.

Try www.paltalk.com -- more immediate... Plus -- dozens of live webcams! The basic download is free, but I have a paid subscription (well worth it, I might add).

By the way, there's also Married Match.com, a site for married people looking to cheat.

Interresting site but too expensive at 40 bucks a month.

One I like is www.swinglifestyle.com Much better as it is free. Still the usual ratio of good people, wierd people and just plain strange people.

And no I have not actually gone on a date with anyone from this site but do have a couple that are net friends throuhg here.