By Omer on Wednesday, November 24, 1999 - 11:45 am:
Come on, let's take out the creativity:
Joseph Heller(Catch 22) - Paris tries to get out of Shattle flights, while lots of people try NOT to wear red while beaming down into planets.
Dostoyevsky(Crime and Punnishment) - Seven thinks borg are better then anyone else, and so she kills B'ellanna and tried to hide the fact. Janeway tries to make her understand killing is bad while she develops a love affair with Neomi wildman, who
represents her human identity.
Isaac Asimov(Foundation, The Gods themselves, many others) - Janeway is murdered off screen, and Paris, with the assistence of B'ellanna, has to solve the mystery, and to save the universe. the do, and then they can have sex while the credits role in really, really, fast.
Dauglas Adams - 'The hitchiker's Guide to Voyager' A last survivor from a Borg attack takes a ride on the Voyager, while the slip stream drive has bizarre effects, and life become very miserable to the 'Shmok Doc'
Ernest Hemingway(the Old man and the Sea, For whom the bell tolls, others) - Tom Paris flies with a shuttle. Then he finds some dilithium particles. He takes them, and starts flying back, but the Kazon fight for the Dilithium,a nd take it away. Undistorbed, he goes to get more particles.
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By Anonymous on Wednesday, November 24, 1999 - 04:38 pm:
I realize that this is all in good fun, but I don't think TPTB would be interested in killing off any of the main characters. And I must point out that if you don't like the show or the characters, then don't watch it.
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By Wannabe Trek Writer on Thursday, November 25, 1999 - 12:44 am:
Stephen King ("Christine")- Tom Paris is smitten by a beat-up heap of a shuttle in an interstellar junkyard. He decides to restore it and in the process becomes obsessed with the shuttle, and the shuttle with him...
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By Matthew Patterson (Mpatterson) on Thursday, November 25, 1999 - 08:49 pm:
Is it just me, or did that already happen?
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By Jon Wade on Thursday, November 25, 1999 - 09:38 pm:
Matthew, it's just you
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By Anonymous on Friday, November 26, 1999 - 04:08 pm:
Here are some *funny* what ifs...
If Dan Quayle wrote for Star Trek...It would take weeks to film the episode because nobody would be able to figure out all the spelling mistakes.
If I wrote for Star Trek...It would go like this...
Janeway:Mr. Kim; press that button that does that thing that makes the ship not blow up!
Mr Kim: Okay.
Chakotay: Are you sure?
(and on and on.)
If Jim Davis wrote for Star Trek...It would become a cartoon and all the crew would have to push the replicators to their limits to find food for an orange and black cat...
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By Coral on Wednesday, December 15, 1999 - 07:19 am:
If Bill Gates wrote for Star Trek, the computer would just keep crashing:
Janeway: Fire Torpedoes!
Kim: I can't! The screen just froze up! The clicky thing isn't working!
Chakotay: Just hit CTRL-ALT-DELETE! And make it fast!
Okay so Tuvok would be firing torpedoes... but Braga couldn't care less about continuity, why should I????
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By Mark Swinton who used to like Roald Dahl and still finds him an entertaining writer on Tuesday, January 11, 2000 - 07:05 pm:
Roald Dahl (still very popular here in the UK):
Naomi Wildman is very precocious, brilliant and sensitive (after all, she's only three and yet she speaks perfectly and can use the computer very well). However, she has to contend with a really nasty Headmistress (Janeway, for the sake of analogy) whose idea of a perfect ship "is one with no children in it. One day I'll start up a Star Trek series with no children in it. I think it will be very successful." So Matilda- er, I mean Naomi!- plots to get her own back on the Headmistress by visiting Miss Honey- er, I mean Seven of Nine- and getting some information about the head's past. Then she uses her psychokinetic abilities (from her half-K'tarian genes) to make words appear on padds and consoles such as "Kathryn, give my Annika back her house..."
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By Charles Cabe, former art student on Wednesday, January 12, 2000 - 01:15 pm:
What if an episode was written by Salvador Dali (The guy who painted the melting clocks picture.) The replicators would mess up and start producing clocks that melt and reproduce and overrun the ship.
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By Ghel on Wednesday, January 12, 2000 - 03:03 pm:
If Nitpickers wrote Voyager (At least from many of the Anti-Voyager statements listed on this board).
They would never stop at any planets. (They are trying to make "best" time).
Tom: "Should we stop and have an interesting adventure?"
Janeway: "Not a chance, Tom. We need to get home."
Seven would be wearing baggy burlap and ignored by the entire crew--most likely locked in her quarters to avoig being a "distraction."
There would be no shuttlecraft or photon torpedos, and energy would be too limited for shields and phasers.
"Wow, this alien race seems to be committing genocide, should we do anything?"
"No, our power's low and we have no torpedos, just keep flying."
Janeway would promote people so that they could feel the thrill of doing the same position with more pips.
Our space adventurers would stop using the holodeck as it can be slightly dangerous.
Kim: "Hey Tom I'm sick of checkers, wanna use the holodeck?"
Tom: "No way, Harry. Haven't you heard, holodecks are dangerous! How about a run in the shuttlecraft . . . oh wait, we don't have any. I play a pretty mean hand of "Go Fish."
The only passtime left aboard Voyager, sex, is banned for fear that some character may have *gasp* another child!
The Borg remain "true" to their one-dimentional Next Gen characterization of being relentless unstoppable and composed of pure machinelike efficiency. They slice through Voyager as if it wasn't there. They come pouring into the alpha quadrant and efficiently assimilate everything in it's path until there is no Federation, Klingon, Romulan etc. left unassimilated. The Star Trek universe has been destroyed but there were no continuity errors. The next series comes out, Star Trek: Drone.
As Shatner once said (paraphraising), "I hope you take this lightly because otherwise I am in big trouble."
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By Wannabe Trek Writer on Wednesday, January 12, 2000 - 07:14 pm:
ROFLMAO!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
This was great!
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By Keith Alan Morgan on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 03:56 am:
If Dave Sim (Cerebus) wrote Voyager.
It would all be in black & white, with sets by Gerhard.
It would run 300 episodes and Voyager would explode in the last one.
It would start out with them trying to get home, then Janeway would get involved with interplanetary politics and religion, then be told by Captain Braxton that she's destined to fail to reach home and die alone, unmourned & unloved.
She would realize that she's really in love with Chakotay who's gotten married to an alien woman.
Several episodes would be devoted to the death of Oscar Wilde, for no apparent reason.
Q would suddenly begin acting like Groucho Marx. And if that's not the most ridiculous thing you've ever hoid, then read on.
Tuvok, ah say, Tuvok would start speaking like Foghorn Leghorn.
Tom & Harry would discover they're half brothers and start speakin' lahk Yosemite Sam, gol durnit!
Holodoc would become The HoloRoach.
B'Elanna starts wearing a chainmail bikini and just starts talking & won't shut up.
Seven starts talking like Rodney Dangerfield. Ya think it's easy being a Borg? No, it's rough, really rough. Let me tell ya. I was inserted with nanoprobes, had my eye plucked out and my hand removed, and that was just to say hello.
Kes returns as fairy who drinks too much.
If Brian Clemens (The Avengers) wrote Voyager.
All the men would suddenly be wearing tailored suits with bowler hats and sword umbrellas. The women would wear either tight leather suits or Emmapeelers.
The show would look incredibly stylish, with great moments of absurdity and surreality.
The Delta Flyer would be replaced with a Bentley.
The average show would start off with an unusual crime occuring. The crew would encounter an eccentric alien who's obsessed with something. The villain would die ironically by his/her/it's own invention. The show would end with some clever & humorous remarks as the ship flies away.
If Charles Schulz (Peanuts) wrote Voyager.
The entire crew would be children.
Holodoc would charge a nickle for his services.
Tuvok would carry a Security blanket. ;-)
Seven would start wearing glasses and refer to B'Elanna as, "Sir."
Tom would fly the ship by sitting on top of it and pretending to be a WWI Flying Ace.
Aliens would offer Janeway a way home, then pull it away as she got close.
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By Wannabe Trek Writer on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 11:15 am:
Don't forget that whenever the ship gets struck by an alien weapon, the crew's clothes become scattered.
And a perpetual dust cloud follows Neelix wherever he goes.
And all alien speech sounds like they're speaking through a trumpet.
And Torres calls Tom her Sweet Baboo.
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By ScottN on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 11:58 am:
Tom would fly the ship by sitting on top of it and pretending to be a WWI Flying Ace.
Doesn't he do that now?
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By Lea Frost on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 02:53 pm:
LOL, Scott! And Sandrine's would still be open for business, but they'd serve root beer.
And Harry Kim would speak in unintelligible italic slashes. :-)
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By Mark Swinton on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 07:59 pm:
The writers of South Park:
-would doubtlessly dress Harry in a hooded suit, restrict his dialogue to "MPHMPHMPPHHHHMRRRRFFF!" and of course kill him horribly every week, with Tom shouting "Oh my God they killed Harry!" whensoever it happened;
-would have Chakotay throw up all over Janeway when he sees her;
-would have Seven appear naked every show;
-would have Neelix singing and acting as "spiritual guru" to the senior staff;
-would cause something unpleasant to happen in every show;
-in short, would put people right off the series...
(Sorry to any genuine devotees out there but I really detest South Park. IMHO it is the worst thing to come out of America ever and- despite the "interesting insights" offered by its creators- should have been axed a long time ago... i.e. before the first episode was produced!)
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By Lea Frost on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 08:28 pm:
You know, except for Chakotay throwing up, that's really not all THAT different from Voyager normally... :-)
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By Wannabe Trek Writer on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 11:56 pm:
Mark-
Replace Kim with Neelix and you'll have a hit.
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By Mark Swinton on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 02:56 pm:
You really think so, do you? Maybe I'll call it "Delta Park"...
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By Neelix on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 02:57 pm:
Nobody loves me... WAAAAAAAAH!
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By Reg Barclay on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 03:42 pm:
I do!
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By Neelix on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 03:44 pm:
How can you, you don't even know me- otherwise I'd have been in your program!
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By Lea Frost on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 03:57 pm:
If Geoffrey Chaucer wrote Voyager, the crew would pass the long trip home by telling stories. Chakotay would bore us all with an overly descriptive romance, Neelix would tell a bawdy but entertaining tale about a stodgy Vulcan carpenter getting cuckolded by his wife, Tuvok would get him back by telling one about a Talaxian miller who gets cheated by two students, B'Elanna would tell the crew what women most desire, Paris would explain how he cheats congregations by preaching to them about greed, Harry would tell a "Perils of Pauline"-type story, Janeway would regale everyone with one of the more gruesome lives of the saints, Doc would tell a long series of tragedies, and Seven would sit around saying everything is irrelevant. (OK, I couldn't fit her in anywhere.) They'd never get back to the Alpha Quadrant.
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By Mark Swinton on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 08:19 pm:
I studied "The General Prologue to the Canterbury Tales" for GCSE- along with "Far From The Madding Crowd" and "Twelfth Night." At A-level, I studied more Shakespeare alongside works by Henrik Ibsen, Alice Walker, Joseph Heller, and Wilfred Owen.
What would each do to Trek, I wonder?
Hardy would have Paris, Chakotay and Neelix as three men (Troy, Oak and Boldwood) after Janeway (Bathsheba Everdene) and all of whom get shot at marrying her... Meanwhile, the lower decks would be manned by countless rustics (my English professor called them "yokels", BTW).
Ibsen would craft a thought-provoking but long-winded and verbally Victorian story involving some female character (i.e. Janeway) trying to escape the pressures and sins of society, although when the shuttlecraft finally presents itself, will she
really get aboard and fly off...?
Walker would write a beautiful episode in which we see Janeway coming through hardship in a male-dominated society to finally win her captaincy and be a strong, happy woman...
We already know from Omer (post one up there) what Heller would do (the book I studied was indeed "Catch-22"), and as for Owen...
Well, he'd probably be better writing for DS9 because of the Dominion War.
As he said in his intended preface to the poetry he sadly never saw published, "My subject is War, and the poetry is the pity..."
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By Lea Frost on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 08:50 pm:
What's GCSE? I'm taking a 400-level English class on Chaucer at the moment. Fun, fun, fuuuuuun! (And I really mean that. :-))
If Ibsen wrote Voyager, Janeway would be tormented by deep-seated angst that she wasn't really a man, she'd be obsessed with pistols and with Seven's hair, and she'd end up committing suicide.
If Shakespeare wrote Voyager, Chakotay would conspire with Neelix to give Janeway a love potion to make her fall in love with something nasty, because she won't hand Naomi Wildman over to his custody. Neelix would reprogram Doc to have an ass's head, and Janeway would fall in love with him when she heard him singing opera. Meanwhile, Paris, Torres, Kim, and Seven would have a magical night of girlfriend-swapping and catfighting thanks to the interference of Neelix and Chakotay. Then everyone ends up getting married, and Doc, Tuvok, Ayala, Wildman, Carey, and Vorik put on a bad but still entertaining play.
(It's scary how easy that was to cast... :-) )
If Choderlos de Laclos wrote Voyager, Janeway would promise Chakotay that she'll sleep with him if he'll seduce Kes.
Chakotay ends up falling in love with Kes, which enrages Janeway, and Neelix ends up killing Chakotay in a duel.
If Christopher Marlowe wrote Voyager, Janeway would sell her soul to Q to get the ship home.
If Joseph Conrad wrote Voyager, Chakotay would take the ship in search of Janeway, who went mad from being in the Delta Quad, moved in with the Kazon, and totally went native, while secretly holding the opinion that the Federation should "Exterminate all the brutes!" Chakotay is horrified at the whole spectacle, but spends much time contemplating his own inner Kazon.
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By Mark Swinton on Saturday, January 15, 2000 - 03:31 pm:
Heh, heh. I like that, simply because I know these references! I'm sure the Ibsen reference you made is derived from "Hedda Gabler", though the play I studied for A-level was "Ghosts." I studied Marlowe's "Faust" briefly at A-level having answered a question on it in the GCSE exam (General Certificate of Secondary Education here in England- it was called O-level until 1989 or whenever, I can't really recall). And of course Conrad's story was "Heart of Darkness." Chakotay contemplates his inner Kazon? 'The horror- the horror...!'
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By Lea Frostq on Saturday, January 15, 2000 - 09:56 pm:
Hedda Gabler it is! Though I read Ghosts for high-school English. What a weird play that is! I liked it, though it was depressing.
The Conrad-does-Voyager bit was my personal favorite, though. :-)
Oh, and the Laclos story is Les liaisons dangereuses.
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By Lea Frost on Saturday, January 15, 2000 - 09:57 pm:
Whoa! Since when was there a q in my name? :-p
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By KAM on Sunday, January 16, 2000 - 03:11 am:
Aha! Lea is secretly a member of the Q continuum!
A Voyager Carol
The crew is presented with a way home, but Janeway decides she likes exploring the Delta Quadrant and refuses to take it.
The ghost of Kes shows up and tells her she will be visited by three Captains, Kirk, Picard & Sisko.
Can't a q also be used as a baseball hat? q;-)
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By KAM on Friday, January 21, 2000 - 03:24 am:
If Larry David (Seinfeld) wrote Voyager
The Bridge would look more like a New York apartment.
Janeway would talk like this, "Why are the aliens always attacking? What's the deal with that? Do we have a target on our ship?"
Chakotay would be more open about his love life. "So I went out with a Species 8472, we had the Lobster Bisque, yadda, yadda, yadda, and I never saw her again."
Janeway: But you yadda yaddaed over the best part."
Chakotay: No, I mentioned the bisque.
Tuvok would make wild entrances and kooky suggestions. "Let's get rid of the viewscreen & replace it with a periscope."
Neelix becomes very upset with those jokes about his cooking. "Very funny. NO SOUP FOR YOU!"
Seven of Nine stops wearing a bra. (Oh, wait. She does that already.)
Goodbye Q, hello Qman.
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By Mark Swinton on Saturday, January 22, 2000 - 06:16 pm:
What about Frasier's writers writing for Voyager?
It has actually been done, of course, in "Star Trek: 30 Years and Beyond," for which Kate Mulgrew made a live staged appearance with all the Frasier cast except Kelsey Grammer.
It was really quite funny- as I can demonstrate:
NILES: ...the last time we took your advice, we fell through a tear in the time continuum and wound up in ancient Pompei!
JANEWAY: I got you out of it, didn't I?
NILES: Yes, and my brand new Romulan loafers were singed beyond recognition!
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By Mark Swinton on Saturday, January 22, 2000 - 06:28 pm:
Or how about a Quantum Leap style show!
Tom Paris steps into the quantum leap accelerator and vanishes. He finds himself leaping from person to person in the Trek universe ("OH NO! I'M DEANNA TROI! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!") and has a holographic companion called "Doc" who carries a PADD around telling him who he is and what he's supposed to do ("Let's see now... The Next Generation, Season Seven, final episode... Apparently, you're supposed to spend this evening with Worf. He's going to take you to the holodeck and run a program, 'The Black Sea at Night'...")
There's also a crossover appearance from "Lisa" of the real Quantum Leap show, allowing the creators to bring back Terry Farrell...
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By Mark Swinton on Monday, January 31, 2000 - 07:40 pm:
If the great composer-librettist duo John Tavener and Mother Thekla of Normanby wrote for Voyager...
"Seven of Egypt": an Ikon in Music and Drama
Seven (Mary of Egypt) is a female drone (Egyptian prostitute, I should say) who does not even take money for her "favours," perhaps because she feels, somewhat misguidedly, that she loves all the Borg- I mean, men, to whom she offers herself. Flirting and cavorting like mad, she eventually finds herself near the desert, and she is drawn towards a starship- er, temple. There she finds herself bowing before Captain Janeway- sorry, the Mother of God- who tells her that she must renounce all she is, shed all she has (including her clothing), leave the crowd of men and join with the wilderness. Forty years later, she is disfigured by exposure, but she meets the Doctor- that should be Father Zossima, the Desert Friar- who falls in love with her in the purest sense (because in her he sees God). They sing a noble duet, and end up bending in prostration before each other for what seems like an eternity. Zossima then has to leave, but Seven tells him to return within the year. One year later, he does, only to find a sad and wasted body lying there with a sign over it: "BURY HUMBLE MARY." Chakotay- rather, a lion- appears and helps Zossima to bury her in the desert sand with his busy paws. All the while, music sounds based upon the chants of the Byzantine ochtoechos...
(In case you are wondering, I am passionately fond of the music of Sir John Tavener, which often uses texts prepared by his spiritual mentor, Mother Thekla. The opera "Mary of Egypt", first performed in 1991, is one of his most moving works. I found the parallels with the early Seven of Nine stories quite interesting... Furthermore, if Tavener really did write for Voyager, I expect the continuity of each episode would be IMMACULATE since each one would be based upon experiences with the Greek and Russian Orthodox Churches...)
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By Mark Swinton, trying albeit feebly to capture Tony Harrison's poetic style on Monday, February 14, 2000 - 07:54 pm:
If Tony Harrison wrote Voyager:
A poem has no place in Trek
Since it is such a familiar show
And my work seems to be in check
Whenever I look for it, wherever I go.
So imagine my surprise to find
That some poor dolt has taken my work
and copied my style to show the kind
of writing for Trek I would otherwise shirk.
{He is a republican bard in England, famous for his controlled verse that rhymes and is very expressive, even despite the four-letter words he has been known to resort to. He was in fact nominated as the poet laureate after the death of Ted Hughes last year, but being a republican, he harshly declined the offer with poems about "The Abdication of King Charles III" and other such stuff. Probably just as well, given that Trek would become quite tedious if it became hour-long poetry recitals every week
} ------------------------------------------------------------------------
By Matt Pesti on Thursday, June 8, 2000 - 12:53 pm:
If JRR Tolken Wrote Voyager:
Neliax would try to destroy the Borg main counduit, while Jayeway launched a frontal assualt with Sisko. Seven would eventually go nuts after Namomi dies and Braxton would be raising borg on his ship. At the End Neilax would throw a party after which he, Arachina, and Sisko would return to the Celestial Temple.
If Gene Roddenbury Wrote For Voyager.
Janyeway (Wearing her mini skirt), would order a landing party of herself, the Doctor, Seven, Tuvok and Ensign Galloway. On the Planet, they would find a small group of Kazon (Kazon wear black and funny hats.), Act 2 the borg would attack the planet (Ship unseen), 3 borg would land wearing grey clothing and ski maskes. Janyweway would seduce a Kazon, and eventually they would win. Forced Laugh.
If Terry Nation wrote Voyager:
In an Episode that would not leave the ship, Cardboard cutouts of the Borg would fight voyager crewmen. in the end all the main Characters would be killed as the cliffhanger for next season.
If Micheal Morre Wrote Voyager.
SEE THRIDY DAYS.
If Vince Russo wrote Voyager.
Kes would return claiming Janeway screwed her. Both would a assemble a faction arround them and fight it out. this truned out to be a ruse to screw Seven when both Team Occampian and the Ministry of Science join to become the Occampian Ministry. Kes Takes the WWF title from Jayneway, and Chuckles does the People's eyebrow tatoo.
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By Keith Alan Morgan on Saturday, June 10, 2000 - 12:09 am:
If Matt Pesti wrote Voyager:
The Universal Translator would short circuit from all the spelling errors and the new star would be Darth Pah Armus. ;-)
Terry Nation would probably make the Borg more like Daleks since he thought monsters were scarier when you couldn't see the actor inside. I think other people were responsible for Blakes Seven's final series. Although I can see Seven acting more like Avon, Chakotay like Gan, the Borg Queen like Servalan and Braxton as Travis. ;-)
When I read Kes would return claiming Janeway screwed her & a ruse to screw Seven I thought it was an X-rated movie plot.
If the Dr. Who writers wrote Voyager:
Janeway would offer new aliens a jelly baby. Chakotay would scream more and need to be rescued a lot. They would have more adventures on Earth, helping the inept United Federation Intelligence Taskforce (UnFIT).
If KAM (Mr. & Mrs. Rockhound, Son Of Mr. & Mrs. Rockhound, Shovel Leaner) wrote Voyager:
The crew would suddenly be obsessed with rockhounding. Sets would become blank backgrounds. Scenes would basically consist of characters telling bad jokes. Everyone would look bitmapped.
http://sites.netscape.net/tumblereditor/homepage
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By Matt Pesti on Sunday, June 18, 2000 - 12:46 am:
Kes and Jayneway Screwing Seven is a wrestleing reference. Vince Mc Mahon had a habit of saying "I screwed you, Stone cold Steve Austin." It started with Vince's heel turn at Survivor Series 97. Vince Russo is a WCW writter.\
As for x-rated there's always Star Trek: Deep Throut Nine. See Completely useless star trek encyclopedia
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By norman on Sunday, June 18, 2000 - 01:52 pm:
Seven Years of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
The story begins when while facing the firing squad, Chakotay remembers the time his grandfather showed him ice.
(Could work with Tom and his father, too). Meanwhile, everyone remembers the time Kes ascended into heaven, but for some reason, everyone denies that the "Banana Memorial" ever happened.
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By Lea Frost on Sunday, June 25, 2000 - 03:30 pm:
If Anne Rice wrote Voyager, Seven of Nine would go around assimilating people, but would feel really guilty about it. Mezoti wouldn't be able to grow up, and she'd be really bitter over it and blame the Borg Queen. Seven would tell her story to Harry
Kim, who'd think the whole thing was really cool, and then the Borg Queen would jump out of nowhere and assimilate him...
Hey, the Borg are just really technologically advanced vampires anyway. :-)
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By Borg Queen on Sunday, June 25, 2000 - 07:45 pm:
I vant to drink your individuality!
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By Thought you'd want to know this... on Wednesday, July 12, 2000 - 05:03 pm:
Hey, just letting you guys know -- you probably aren't interested but somebody (Steven R. Boyett) wrote a book called Treks Not Taken, which has twenty episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation not written by the literary greats (but acting like they were). It's for TNG, not Voyager, but it's still very funny. Bet you guys would appreciate it.
They've got twenty episodes "written" by:
J.D. Saliger
Anthony Burgess
Ken Kesey
Michael Crichton
Ernest Hemingway
Bret Easton Ellis
Joseph Heller
Cormac McCarthy
Jackie Collins
James Joyce
Anne Rice
Tom Robbins
Tom Clancy
Herman Melville
Stephen King
Ayn Rand
Kurt Vonnegut
Joseph Conrad
Jack Kerouac
and Dr. Seuss!
