Have you ever rang up a switch board before and the operator on the other end has no idea you are on the phone. I have. Last Friday after a sesh of drinking I was trying to get the number for the kebab house about half a mile down the road as i couldnt be bothered walking there. I dial directory enquiries and the girl on the other end is going into a rather detailed description about the gonads of a holiday rep (called Swampy or something, but thats beside the point.) she met in Magaluf. I really did feel for the poor girl when the awful truth dawned on her that she had indeed shared her colourful insight on Swampys manhood with a complete stranger who only wanted the phone number of a takeaway in Chorley.

I might extend the perimeters of this thread to include peoples tales of being sarcastic to telesales people, and those highly entertaining moments when someone doesnt realise their tannoys on or fluffs it on the tannoy.

I remember once some bloke from Wigan wanted to sell me secure windows, when I curtly responded by saying I was a burglar and that secure windows in my line of work was a bit of a step backwards. I think the dozy sod believed me.

I also asked one of the doorman of my local supermarket would he put a call out for my girlfriend Jenny Tulwart. Saw right through my little prank.

"This is your local Al-Qaeda headquarters. How may we hurt you, infidel?!"

When a telemarketer calls (and I can tell.. "Is Mr. Nev... a... there?")

I answer, "Hi! Can I talk to Mike, please?"

My friend's dad got a call offering to sell him a subscription to Playboy. He told the caller he was gay!
(he's not)

When I get calls for credit cards, I tell them I don't want one unless it comes with money already on it. They insist there isn't such a thing: I insist there is. (There is; they're usually given as prizes or such.) I just keep insisting until they give up.

I also got a call one day asking for Me (as in Myself). I think it was one of those that's been outsourced to India - I couldn't understand the guy. It had something to do with money the government owed me. For retiring, or something. I asked him how old exactly I had to be, but he couldn't answer, so I finally hung up. Because, 1) I'm not retirement age, and 2) I don't think the government would use my nickname, do you?

When the last telemarketer called me, I had a tape recorder next to the phone. I played back the recording of an atomic explosion into the phone.

They haven't pestered me since.

Actually a phone that is involved in an atomic explosion would justset off a high pitched whine. Ever see the orginal fail safe movie?

But I love just talking to telemarketers. Ask them how the weather is, if they are doing good right now, how's their family you know chat them up like they where good friends or you are so lonely that you'll talk to anyone about anything. I did that one time and the person was so determined to make a sale they stayed on the phone for an hour. She did have a nice voice though.

Otherwise I just get really really weird too. I have had a credit card offer or two call and used the following on them: (Not all at the same time)
(1) Calmly told the person that I am not allowed to have credit cards because of my religion.
(2) Screamed into the phone "A credit card arrrrrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!" and then slammed the phone down.
(3) Asked the person what a credit card was and could they explain how it worked. Basically asked them to explain the entire financial basis for the american capitalist system.

Of course what did the best to get rid of them was getting an unlisted number. But I had to go through some trouble with one of the online phone books (I checked most of them to make sure i am not listed) I ran my real name throuhg there and found myself. So I emailed them and told them to take me out of their database as I was an unlisted number. They emailed back and said that they where permitted to have me in there as long as it was public records, available in the phone book etc... I emailed back saying that the phone companyand my lawyer both confirmed that i have an unlisted number and that they have violated several privacy laws. They never emailed back but did remove me from their database.

When the last telemarketer called me, I had a tape recorder next to the phone. I played back the recording of an atomic explosion into the phone. They haven't pestered me since.

I love it when I get a call when I'm practicing my tenor saxophone. Just try blowing a low B-flat into the receiver and see how they like it...

A simple solution to the problem (that I believe I heard from a standup comedian):

The called person: "Hmmm.....what are you wearing?"

I've done something similar to repeated wrong numbers... I live in a major metropolitan area with multiple area codes, and there's someone who shares the same number (except area code) with my cell. Her friends were repeatedly calling me to look for her... and at weird hours (the older-sounding people called at 6am). And they'd do it repeatedly. I finally grew tired of explaining the concept of the area code to them... so I started being very rude.

If anyone's seen Danny DeVito's reaction to a wrong number in Ruthless People... that's what I'm talking about.

I have an unlisted number on the Federal Do Not Call list. What telemarketers?

I was recently activated on that list as well.

I added my home and cell numbers when it was first circulated.

I put my number in too. Certainly helps.

What telemarketers? - Snick

Obviously you haven't dealt with the disreputable ones who don't care about things like "do not call" lists.

The Do Not Call list also doesn't protect you from companies (banks, credit card companies) you currently do business with... since they have "permission" to call you. You have to request to be placed on their lists individually.

One thing that has really cut down on my calls was putting my work fax number on my checks instead of my home phone. I also have an extra work line at home that I use for outgoing calls only -- it remains unplugged the rest of the time. I use that if they insist on two phone numbers. I have never had an objection or call for correction in the last five years I've been doing this.

I also use either number for most online or required registrations. If they have legitimate business they can contact me by mail.

Once when I was 7 I told a telemarketer his own speech he gave me. He hung up on me. "You gotta have this --, this is wonnerful-----, you will love it --it is the best thing you will ever own
(etc)

Regarding Or's May 10 2004...

Back when I was in college, I used to answer my dorm room phone: "Soviet Embassy..."

3 times in the past week I've gotten calls on my cell phone from people with Indian accents that were obviously telemarketers. I reacted to the first, which I received while on the van to NYC, but closing the phone and putting it back in my pocket. I think I did the same with the second. With the third, which I got yesterday as I was walking home, I just slipped the open phone in my pocket. The call was terminated 40 seconds later.

My dad got siick of the telemarkters always asking for a donation. He sent them $1.00 and asked them to cash it right away. They stopped calling us every xmas then

A couple of weeks ago, I got a call from MCI. The caller was wanting to confirm my information, talking about how great a deal I'd be getting on my long distance calls. I kept asking why this idiot wanted my information. Finally, I outright if he was saying I would be signed up with MCI. He said, "Yes." I told him I didn't want to switch to MCI. I was happy with what I was currently using. The guy hung up in a huff after that. Hey, he had just woken me up with his call. I get bitchy when I just wake up.

But what I can't believe is that this dork was going to switch my long distance carrier without actually asking me if I wanted to. That takes cajones, people.

What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?

Well, I'm okay with it, since I get plenty to do.

But what I can't believe is that this dork was going to switch my long distance carrier without actually asking me if I wanted to. That takes cajones, people.

It's called "slamming", and it's illegal.

Kinda thought so. If I could remember the name of the telemarketer who called me, I'd report it. As it is, I don't think reporting it would accomplish anything.

What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?

Apparently the inventor of the Hokey Pokey died, and there was a ruckus at his funeral. They were getting ready to place him inside the coffin...

Well, they put his right foot in, and things just went downhill from there.

Ask the telemarketer the normal questions about the name and address of the company, its telephone number, then the name and address of the person you're talking to, how do you get that job, how much it pays, the person's age, marital status, shoe size, etc.
Make it gradually get weirder and weirder. Finally, ask the person out on a date. "Wanna go mud-wrestling in Vegas? How about a pie-eating contest in Saskatchewan?"

Also, talk slow and ask the person to repeat everything and spell everything out.

I haven't done any of that, though.

Try singing at them....the higher the notes, the better. ;)

How about saying, "I've done telemarketing before, and I'm sure a supervisor is monitoring you. I know they'll give you a hard time if you don't keep trying, even though you already know I'm not interested and will not change my mind." ? After all, the real problem with telemarketing is the managers who run the telemarketing companies, NOT the hapless individual who's already been compelled to talk to the hundredth irate person this evening.

I told a telemarketer I wasn't interested, hung up, and he called me back to tell me I wasn't being very polite. I was intimidated, and said I was sorry. Oh, well.
A ploy is to pretend to be deaf and misunderstanding what the person is saying.
"What? A store? You want to drive a truck to the store?"

A week or two ago, I came across this audio clip in which the recipient of a telemarketer call turned the tables on the tm by pranking him.

I got a wrong number recently. (I seem to get a lot of them. I don't know who had the number last, but she sure was popular.) Anyhoo, I answered, told them they had the wrong number, they hung up - and called right back. I recognized the number, so when I picked up, I said, Still the wrong number!
Silence. And then they hung up - and didn't call back.

a boss from a famous realty company calls my cell phone told me S- get to this house (number) and
sell it. uh,, I dont have a real estate license.

then he calls 3 -4 times and ask why I didn't show up?(to sell the house, I guess).


3-4 phone calls later (3 weeks later)he said good job,(name) you sold the house!My wife and I are laughing at that one.It's just happened.I'm thinking of giving up my cell phone.


?????

I'm on the Do Not Call list. I recently got an *automated* call (which is illegal, regardless, according to my understanding), which said "press 0 to schedule your appointment".

So I pressed 0, and got a human. I asked the name of the company (XXX's Carpet Cleaning -- I have n o previous business relationship with them, so DNC applies), and her name (amazingly enough, it was XXX). I then informed her that I was sorry, but I'm on the DNC list, and she just cost herself $11,000. I then used the information she gave to report a DNC violation on the FTC website.

I was polite throughout.

the nice guy just called again, and I'm to go to xxx house and sell it.

Now someone from aol threatens us to close this account.Mmmmmmmm.

mei: I got a wrong number recently. (I seem to get a lot of them. I don't know who had the number last, but she sure was popular.) Anyhoo, I answered, told them they had the wrong number, they hung up - and called right back. I recognized the number, so when I picked up, I said, Still the wrong number!
Silence. And then they hung up - and didn't call back.

People call again because they think "Maybe I have the right number but mis-dialed." Which, I can understand for people who don't have redial on their phone, but for most phones made in the past five years and for all cell phones, you can check the number you dialed before you try it again.

On the other hand, some people either are lazy or just don't think before doing...

I just had a call from a telemarketer claiming he'd been trying to reach me to tell me about some new mortgage rate I could get. I didn't pick up the phone initially, instead listened to him leave a message on the answering machine. When I realize what it was about, I rudely, I admit, told the guy, "You're an idiot. I live in an apartment. I don't need a mortgage." and hung up. (I really think I've been watching too much House.)

On a similar note, not too long ago, I received a call that caller-i.d. identified as "Telemarketer." I have to admire the honesty of that one.