You know you're hooked on the Internet when you go to work 2 hours early just so you can surf!

You know you've spent to much time on the internet when you can perfectly imitate the sound of a modem starting up.

When some tells you a joke you say LOL instead of laughing.

You address an envelope starting with http://.

You tilt your head to one side to smile.

You tilt your head to one side to wink.

You have to visit the bathroom in the middle of the night and you can't resist stopping to check for new e-mail on the way back to the bedroom.

You click on "Last Day" here at NitCentral, find that your name isn't anywhere on the list of topics that comes up, and so start desperately trying to think of something to say about anything!

You click on "Last Day" here at NitCentral, find that Keith Alan Morgan's name isn't anywhere on the list of topics that comes up, and spend the rest of the day worrying whether he's unwell. ;)

You post under a different name in a desperate attempt to make people think you actually have a life.

You think of these people here as friends but you really don't know anything about them or have any idea what they look like.

You hear the terms, "Frank conspiracy," "the 47's," and "League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions," and they actually mean something to you!

You think Depends were created so you could spend more time at the computer.

You Think The Telephone Is Different From NetMeeting... Think ICQ Or IM Is The Best Thing Sinced Sliced Bread.... Or Floppies Oe CD Roms, DVDs, Streaming Media..... (Rants)

You have to visit the bathroom in the middle of the night and you can't resist stopping to check for new e-mail on the way back to the bedroom.

LOL! I've done that!

More...

When proofreading your English papers, you realize with horror that there are smileys in them.

You've done extensive research into the filmography of Rene Auberjonois and/or Jeffrey Combs in order to keep a joke running on the MSTing board. (Actually, I didn't need to look any of that up, which is even scarier.)

Your phone rings and your first reaction is "What the hell is making that noise?"

You can't drive by a Taco Bell without snickering.

You also find tapioca pudding hilarious.

You wait with bated breath for a new batch of Trekouplets.

You read this list and wonder if the posters are stalking you.

You not only remember the geeky picture of Phil in his first book, you remember whythere's a geeky picture of Phil in his first book.

You have more than three characters on the Phantom Returns or LICC boards.

You know the significance of the phrase, "Deus ex machina, Mr. Roboto."

You can recite the URL to the old brash reflections file of your favorite Voyager episode... while taking a calculus test. (Lessee... http://nitcentral.com/voyager4/mortalco.htm for me.)

You know exactly what each topic on the main Bulletin Brash Reflections contains... even the obscure ones like "Supemarionation."

You go to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer topic at Nit Central and don't get irritated at having to click through about six levels just to get to an episode of the TV Show.

You name your first daughter Dotcom.

Your name is Dot Com. (No kidding! There really is a woman by this name!)

You don't do Windows.

You're not afraid of a mouse.

Floppy isn't a bad thing to say to a guy in an intimate moment (take that in as many different ways as you'd like).

You start panicking when you can't press Alt+Ctrl+Del to restart your life.

You start panicking when you can't press Esc to get rid of annoying people.

You can only express your feelings with emoticons.

You think ASCII is high art. (Although some of it's pretty cool.)

You send letters and greeting cards online only.

You do all of your shopping online only, even for groceries. Of course, then you'd have no reason to leave your residence at all.

You carry around with you everywhere you either a PDA or cellphone with Internet capabilities (or both) so you can surf and read your emails anywhere you are in the world.

You know you're Internet happy when your friends have to hold an intervention because you can't stop putting links to other websites into your posts.

You think up joke websites like fishing.net, polka.com, or sisi.cc

You've been on the Internet too long when you start refering to a woman's dot of the month.

You end a sentence with com, net, gov, or edu after the period.com

You can come up with the number 47 from any number that has three or more digits.

You know you're spending too much time online when you don't post for two days and then recieve Get Well, Soon emails.

You buy a computer just so you can have Internet access at home 24/7 and haven't figured out anything on the computer yet besides how to get on line.

You spend more time finding a wallpaer for your desktop than wallpaper for your house...

You spend more time clicking on the mouse than clicking on the lights in your house...

You think the MOD squad can manipulate Quake 2 games...

When someone tells you their skin has become tanner you ask them where they downloaded it...

Someone wants to play football on the line with you and you ask them where you can set up your modem...

Someone asks you to clean their windows so you bring Norton Utilities to their house...

Someone wants to meet you by the wharf and you turn on LiteStep...

You spend every minute lying in wait for just one more post in case someone overbids you on your e-bay bid...

~_-

You spend several hundred dollars or more for a computer to send emails just so you can save money on postage stamps.

You notice there is a "47" in the "24/7" reference above.

You know you spend too much time on the Internet when you hear the phone ring, think 'Oh, no! I've been disconnected!' and you're not even using the computer.

You use your computer for voicechat to save money on long distance charges.

you get discouraged trying to send instant messages through paper airplanes

You can only read a book, or magazine, by taping it up on your monitor.

You make clicking noises when you turn the page.

You're impressed by how quickly the pictures have loaded onto the pages.

When your computer dies, you feel like you've lost a friend.

You know you're going through Internet withdrawl when you think, 'If I were to hook my typewriter up to the TV...'

What's A Typewriter?? ^_^

It was a combination keyboard/printer, however it had absolutely no memory, no undo button and no spellchecker.

On the plus side most models could work without batteries, or an electrical source, and it only locked up if you hit 2, or more, keys at the same time.

You find yourself humming Muzak while waiting for some pages to load.

You visited enough websites that you start coming up with descriptions for the various domains, like Purgatory (sites.netscape.net), Limbo (internet.dump) and Hell (Geocities).

The only desktop you're familiar with is the background on your computer screen.

The only wallpaper you're familiar with is for your computer's desktop background.

You know that a place to get some good Star Trek/Wars pics to use as wallpaper is Ultimate Pix Home Page.

You know you're hooked when:

You opt to spend $500 for carpal tunnel wrist supports (purchased online, of course) rather than cut down on your internet use.

You remember posting a nasty comment about that new movie, you just can't remember which message board it was on.

Ok, I've had enough of this. If you people don't quit talking about me, I'm gonna have to involve Phil. I don't want to, but these snide comments are way out of line. What did I ever do to you?

You know you're hooked when you really, really have to pee..but you've just got to post this one last thing.

You can recite, offhand, the differences between a Discus bulletin board and an Ultimate Bulletin Board.

You find yourself accidentally posting Discus code when you meant to post HTML.

When Nitcentral goes down for two minutes, you ICQ everyone that it's crashed again.

You know you're hooked when Nitcentral goes down for a day, and it finally comes up just as you're putting a NASA suicide pill in your mouth.

If your life was thrown into turmoil during the Internal Server Error problems that so recently plagued nitcentral.

You use your LICC name all the time, outside NitCentral.

You say "By", your name (or regular handle), and the time before you say anything.

You think Dave Jeffries is the Devil.

Padawan, if you use your LICC name outside of LICC you need serious psychiatric help.

Do I?

You know you spend too much time on the Internet when you have dreams about being on the Internet.

Not me yet, but some people at the CRFH!!! Forum were talking about that. Oooh weee oooh.

You know you're hooked on the Internet when you book your vacation hotel based on whether or not there's Internet access! (okay, I didn't actually do this, but I did think about it!)

KAM, I did exactly that about 2 years or so ago! I was sitting at my computer and windows kept popping up faster than I could close them.

You know you (and your friends) are hooked on the Internet when you talk about people you've met online more than you talk about the people you've known since you were five. (Sadly, this is true!)

Gee, you too?

You knwo you're at least hooked when you get a thrill from the spellchecker not highlighting anything in your post!

OK, so what does KNWO mean & what language is it?

Hell if I KNWO!

Who knwos what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Only The Shadwo knwos.

Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

That's what I get for not using the spellchecker! D'oh!

You know you've been online too long when you start using "All your [insert anything here] are belong to us" in real life conversations.

It's the Kool New World Order! Get in the KNWO!

All your KNWOs are belong to us.

We are the Knights That Say KNWO!

http://www.crfh.net/rants/d/20010513.html

You go back online after you shut the computer
down!

You start comparing your computer skills to
Avon!

You only eat take-out food 'cause you're way
too busy complaining about Buffy's move to
UPN on the Buffy board!

You know Phil's nickname!

You get engaged,married and divorced online!

You only come out every tenth month!

You know how to spell all the technical terms,
but get lost when writing your grocery list!

You think that Dotcom is the name of a new
holiday!

You know you're hooked on computergames when you screw up at work and is relieved that you remembered to save before acting.

You know you spend to much time on the Internet when you start to do the opposite of what is written on this board just to prove you have a life offline.

You remember the founding date of Microsoft and Intel and sends them an congratulations email, but forget your girlfreinds birthday.

You know more about Lara Croft than you do about your freinds for the past ten years.

You know you spend to much time at Nitcentral when you start to nitpick your freinds every time they behave out of character.

You know your hooked on computers when you have to decide between turning on the air conditioner on a 100 degree day and surfing the Internet, and it becomes a tough decision!

(BTW, the AC has won so far at home, but I'm going through withdrawal! Thank goodness for the PC at work!)

The missing word at the end of my previous post is "character."

Attention Nitpickers! Maybe you are affected too!

There is a light form of autism called Asperger Syndrome, the "Geek Syndrome". Take the test here and translate this essay to learn more.

I scored high...

You get engaged,married and divorced online!--Scott McClenny

Hey! I resemble that remark!

I met my bf on an old board about 3 years ago. He got YIM in December '01, and we started talking, for hours every night. We realized we were falling in love, and got engaged. All online.

Now you are ready for the divorce. (Only kidding, CC [I know you know what "" means, but I better emphasize it.])

You click on "Last Day" here at NitCentral, find that your name isn't anywhere on the list of topics that comes up, and so start desperately trying to think of something to say about anything!

It's funny 'cos it's true.

Computers are harmless compared to what cell phones can cause.

Check this out. Eliza made contact with AOL users.

You know you spend to much time on the Internet when you wish your pillow were as comfortable as your keyboard.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

You know you're hooked on the internet when an online comic hasn't updated in a year, but you still check it just in case.

Here's a song I picked up on the Net - it's called The Internet Song and it's based on the famous Monty Python Galaxy Song. It can be freely downloaded from the author's webpage here and the lyrics go as follows:

When your screen goes blue, Mr Pugh,
After a Windows crash,
If your PC seems pointless or even possessed
And you feel you might do something rash...

[Verse 1]
Just remember that you're tapping on an ergonomic keyboard
At a mediocre 30 words a min,
That's connected to a desktop PC system (we've all dissed 'em)
By a cable with a six-pin mini-DIN.
The buttons that you click are all converted in a tick
Into subatomic, electronic bursts,
That are processed at a cool one thousand million a second
By a chip running at just one gigahertz.

[Verse 2]
The CPU itself, though just a centimetre thick,
Squeezes millions of transistors side by side
On slim silicon wafers, a bit like Rizla papers,
Only less that nought-point-one-five microns wide.
The power of your machine is several thousand times more keen
Than the kit aboard an early Concorde jet,
And your PC's only one among the millions and billions
Of computers on the worldwide Internet.

[Verse 3]
The Internet itself keeps on expanding and expanding
As people all around the world connect:
A vast repository of all we think and do and see,
Building mutual understanding and respect.
So remember when computers make you cry out in despair
That you've really got no cause to be forlorn;
While the boot-up routine's runnin', why not get a sticky bun in,
Then get back to gossip, games and hardcore porn.

KAM: You know you spend too much time on the Internet when you have dreams about being on the Internet.
MarkN: KAM, I did exactly that about 2 years or so ago! I was sitting at my computer and windows kept popping up faster than I could close them.
Bizarrely, this happened to me for real just now! I right-clicked on a Nitcentral topic, clicked on “Open in New Window” and new windows started opening at the rate of one every couple of seconds! I couldn’t shut any of them down and when about 30 had opened I disconnected from the internet but still they kept coming. I had to reboot to stop them!

You DEFINITELY know you spend too much time on the internet when you have Internet-related premonitions!

You know, Paul, when I logged in, I just knew you were going to say that!

People wish you happy anniversary on the anniversary of your first post.

You happen to find an entry on a bulletin board from a long-term ‘colleague’ saying that he’s been posting for such-and-such an amount of time ... and you make a note on your calendar to congratulate him on his fifth anniversary.

Ben Franklin says May the 4th (of July) be with ya