But enough about me...

Today the results of the LaughLab study were announced. This scientific study looked at the quality of thousands of jokes told around the world, especially looking at differences between countries and cultures, and tried to estimate what was, at this moment in time, the funniest joke in the world.

Amazingly enough, the study concluded that German people found most jokes funny, particularly ones featuring puns (in German, of course), e.g. (and I must apologise to Canadians for this one, but it's the only joke of its type I personally found funny):

"Q: Why is Canada called Canada?
A: Because there is nobody there!"

sounds funnier when read in the original German:
Q: Warum heisst Kanada Kanada?
A: Weil es gibt keiner da!

Geddit?! Eh? Eh? Ahem. Anyway, the study also highlighted the cultural preferences of various nations according to what they found funny, for instance the British were fond of their "Carry-On" style innuendo.

The study also looked at which jokes made people laugh the most, and which simply didn't reach the sides other jokes can split. Interestingly, the "Why did the chicken cross the road?" joke was rated among one of the very worst, while jokes created by computers were equally bad.

And which joke came out as the funniest in the world? It's this anecdote below, which you may have heard many times before on the Internet and was submitted by somebody for nomination. No doubt, as years go by, other jokes will challenge its position. But for now, here goes nothing...

It goes something like this. Stop me if you've heard this before...

And no, the funniest joke in the world is not Iain Duncan Smith.

Anyway, here it is. Ahem ahem ahem:

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep.
Sometime in the night, Holmes wakes Watson up and asks: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you deduce."

Watson says: "I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."

Holmes replied: "Watson, you idiot. Somebody stole our tent!"



And that's it. As they say, if you enjoyed reading this post half as much as I enjoyed typing it, then I enjoyed it twice as much as you.

Actually, that's only the *SECOND* funniest joke in the world. They couldn't publish the funniest joke in the world, because people would die. Though it was successfully used against the Germans in one of the World Wars.

Did they die laughing, or was it all a "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" affair?

I jest of course. Monty Python board on its way! I hope.

By the way, the above study was led by a Richard Wiseman of Hertfordshire University.

Here's one of the funniest (and dumbest) web pages I've seen. You need speakers/headphones for full effect.

Insanity Test

sounds funnier when read in the original German:
Q: Warum heisst Kanada Kanada?
A: Weil es gibt keiner da!

A: Weil keiner da ist!

The joke only works in southern Germany (that's where we keep our "Rednecks") where "keiner da" is pronounced like "koana da" which (of course) sounds alot like "Canada".

The Holmes joke is very funny. But the Canada one, while Canada/keiner da is a good pun, is not executed well. Of course, Germans are known for their lack of sense of humor (you are an exception, it would seem, Electron).

A better first line would be "Why is Canada so empty?".

Did we lose some posts here? I remember this thread as being a lot longer. I don't recall any of the posts being flames.

I don't remember deleting any posts.

While the Holmes joke is cute, I wouldn't call it the funniest. Especially after having it remailed to me thousands of times. (We have to put a stop to the scourge of Remailing! The Forward button must only be used for good, not evil.)

My dad speaks German. I'll have to try that pun out on him (in German) & see if he gets it.

As I said, the Canada joke works only in areas where people from the outside need closed captioning to understand the inhabitants. Despite Germany being a rather small country you can really run into trouble languagewise. But that can be very funny when maybe the Cowboys in the wild west are talking with Bavarian accent like in last year's blockbuster. It is said that this movie is to be dubbed for the American audience but I personally don't think that the jokes work then.

We have a very strange sense of humor...

There's no way the Holmes joke can be the funniest. It's far less funny for people who've never heard of Sherlock Holmes. You see what I mean? The world's funniest joke must not be a pun, nor a pop or high culture reference, but must depend on something universal in human experience. In a Psyc text book I had a few years back there was a chapter of humour, and this was forwarded as a joke that would be funny in any culture:

Two men are walking through the woods when a bear attacks. They start running away, but one stops to tighten his shoe laces.
"Why are you doing that?" his friend says. "There's no way you can outrun the bear."
"No," the man confesses. "But I don't need to outrun the bear. I just need to outrun you."

Not to defend the claim of that joke being funniest, but I believe Sherlock Holmes is one of those few fictional characters who are known worldwide. I believe two others would be Superman & Tarzan.

You people know nothing... ;)

Everyone knows the "funniest joke in the world" was written in WWII:

"Venn ist das Nurnstuck git und Slotermeyer? Ya! Beigerhund das oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!"

It was so funny, people died laughing.

(Reference: "Monty Python")

Ha ha ha aaaaack! *thud*

Allright Mr. Lang you're under arrest for killing that German reader. Come along peaceble like. No funny business.

Too bad that most Germans have developed an immunity against the joke since WWII.

Nobody,

what about the cultures who don't have shoes or shoelaces? What about the cultures who don't know bears (they aren't everywhere). :-)

oh, electron,

I take it you are not from southern germany, i.e. bavaria? Come here and we will shoot you, like real rednecks! :-)) (Just kidding!)

John, re your Jan 13 post. See the very second post on this board.

I notice at least one post mentioned that Germans do not have a sense of humor. Are stereotypes OK here. If so I've got a joke comparing the sense of humor in a German a Brit and an American. Is it appropriate?

Blue Berry, if you suddenly find yourself working in the Plutonium mines of Oberuntermittel-Schnitzelpfingen-Tumpelhofen - then your joke was bad.

Constanze, always remember that Bavaria only became a kingdom because Prussia wanted it this way.

(Bavaria = Lederhosen and beer, Prussia = uniforms and spiked helmets)

Well, we've got at least one German, Brit and American who have posted on this thread - let her rip, Blue...

Besides, the study above found that Germans as a whole find more things funny than many other nations.

Hey, wait! This thread might be offensive to people who are easily offended!

Electron,

I think you've got it backwards: the bavarian king managed to strike a handsome deal, getting bavaria some extra priviliges as "bribes" from bismarck, in order to vote for the german union (I mean the reichsgründung in 1871). :-))

and its this way: the bavarians have beer, because they know how to enjoy life, while the prussians have spiked helmets, because they only know work and have no life :-))

and blue: Fire ahead with your Joke!!

(Note: Joke changed to avoid insulting people who are not here. [Even if no insult is intended it may be infered.])

An American, a Brit, and a German are arguing over who is the funniest. They decide to get a nuetral party to decide. (Hey, this is a joke - neutral parties are everywhere and they speak English.)

He says the British are funniest, then the Germans, then the Americans. Stunned by the answer the American asks him to explain. He says if you tell a joke to a Briton he will laugh three times, a German twice, and an American once. The Brit laughs once when you tell it, once when you explain it, and once when he gets it. A German will not get it. An American does not get it explained to him.

BTW, what do you call some one who speaks three languages? Tri-lingual. What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bi-lingual. What do you call someone who speaks one language? American. (Since we are talking stereotypes...)

oh, that one! I've heard that in a lot of variations, but usually it's only "how often does (insert group/nation of your choice) laugh about a joke?"

Now, since I'm german, are you going to explain it to me, although I won't get it? :-))

constanze,

A variation has a blind guy go to a bar and start saying, "A blonde, a brunette, and a red head..."
The bar tender interupts him to say that he is surronded by blondes that are body builers and black belts in Karate, etc. He then ask if he'd like to continue with the joke. The blind guy says, "No, I don't want explain it that many times."

(I forgot you are German. You see blondes are supposedly vacuous bleach bottle types in L.A.)

You see blondes are supposedly vacuous bleach bottle types in L.A.

I think you mean "in Essex".

btw - Blue, about that joke - it's funny but I don't get it. Please explain it....

I knew I'd get that response. Are you British or blond, sven?

>while the prussians have spiked helmets, because they only know work and have no life <

Waitaminute - I'm insulted! I'm of Prussian heritage and don't have a spiked helmet. Of course, I do work too much and have no life...never mind!

margie,

Wanna buy a helmet?

margie,

come to bavaria and get a life !! :-) You can even buy a bavarian hat to wear instead of a helmet :-)))

and the bavarians don't shoot people from outside (we aren't rednecks!), they only beat everybody up (a good fistfight at the pub is part of the "gemütlichkeit". :-))

I knew I'd get that response. Are you British or blond, sven?

Glad to have not disappointed you. I'm the former and definitely not the latter.

Blue:

Ha. (one laugh)

We have a new winner! And it's come from someone from the medical profession, so I'm especially happy.

They're not adding new subjects to the "Groaners" topic, so I'll put this here. I wish I'd thought of it before. Or maybe somebody already did.

Where does Batman go as soon as he's back from a mission?
To the bat-hroom!

What's Batman's favorite weapon?
The bat'leth!

Okay, I'll stop now.

A man and his friend are out hunting, when his friend trips and falls on a rock, knocking him unconcious. Panic-stricken, his friend calls 911 on the cell phone.
Operator: How may I help you?
Man: My friend just fell and he's not moving. I think he may be dead!
Operator: Calm down, help is on the way.
Man: What do I do? What do I do?
Operator: Okay, let's first make sure he's really dead.
There is a long pause. A shot is heard. Man returns.
Man: Okay, now what?

A panda walks into a bar.
He munches on some pretzels, pulls out a gun, kills the guy he's sitting next to, and walks out of the bar.

Nobody reacts, because it's well known that a panda eats shoots and leaves.

Thank you! I'll be here all week!

A duck hunter goes out one morning and sets his decoy alfoat in a small pond. As the decoy drifts out into the middle of the water, the hunter conceals himself in some nearby tall reeds.
Soon the decoy catches the attention of a real duck flying overhead. The duck settles down on the waters of the pond next to the decoy.
"Hey, buddy, what's up?" says the duck.
The decoy, of course, does not reply.
"Hey, man, I'm talking to you!" says the duck.
Again, silence from the decoy.
"Well, if you don't want to talk to me, fine then!" says the duck. He turns away, and just then happens to catch a glimpse of the hunter hiding in the rushes, taking aim in their direction with his gun.
"Look out!" yells the duck, diving beneath the waters of the pond. He hears a tremendous roar and then a smashing sound. Waiting until he thinks it is safe, the duck surfaces again. Looking around, he sees the splintered remains of the hunter's decoy floating all over the pond's surface.
"Wooden duck, huh?" he says.

A good pun is it's own reword.

*Bangs head on his desk*

These suuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fine. Entertain us with something really hilarious.

A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar.

The bartender goes "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Two blondes are walking through a forest when they see some tracks...

"Oh look, it's some tiger tracks!" says the first one.
"Don't be stupid," says the second,"it's clearly horse tracks"

As they stood there arguing they got hit by the train....

The winner of the funniest joke at this year's Edinburgh Festival:

I was told to choose a password with eight characters, so I went for Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

A pirate walks into a bar, and he's got this awesome looking parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender says, "That is really amazing! Where'd you get it?"

The parrot says, "The Carribean"