There used to be a topic by this name somewhere around here, but I don't find it.
This isn't necessarily about Bill Maher's program, which I got tired of. He was serious too much of the time, and the guests didn't say enough interesting things. And they cut the opening monolog.

Okay, I'm posting this separately just in case the moderators get any complaints and they can delete it if it's more tasteless than funny.
Johnny Carson died yesterday of emphyzema at age 79. We all miss him, but I thought of a funny joke.

Everybody who was ever a guest on his "Tonight Show" will be attending his funeral.
Those guests who are deceased will be attending via seance.

Is that:
Funny and rude?
Just rude?
Just funny?
Not funny and definitely rude?

No offense is intended, of course.

Not funny, but not rude either.

I didn't find it funny or rude. What does the seance/dead people motif have to do with Carson?

It's not rude, but don't quit your day job, kid.

If you really wanna see some Politically Incorrect humor (in the form of a TV ad), go here.

HI-YOHHHHHHHHHH!

>Everybody who was ever a guest on his "Tonight Show" will be attending his funeral.
Those guests who are deceased will be attending via seance.>

If you said that about anyone else, it might be in bad taste. But Carson, if he were alive today, he would have said that last night.

If you said that about anyone else, it might be in bad taste. But Carson, if he were alive today, he would have said that last night.

Thank you.

What does the seance/dead people motif have to do with Carson?

A seance is held so the dead can see/hear what the living are saying at the funeral.

Aren't seances normally held so the living can hear the dead?

Yes, of course. And the dead can hear the living.

So the dead aren't able to hear the living unless the living hold a seance? Seems pretty unbalanced, if you ask me.

Luigi Novi: What does the seance/dead people motif have to do with Carson?

Norse: A seance is held so the dead can see/hear what the living are saying at the funeral.
Luigi Novi: You're missing the point of my question. What I was asking was why this joke specifically pertains to Carson. You could say this about anyone's funeral.

I think the joke was that Johnny was so popular and had so many connections that even the dead couldn't be kept away.

You told it wrong!

Oh my god. You GOTTA see this.

dang!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've seen mp3s for that that I've could've d/led for months now.

There is one nit, though. In the lyrics to the left of the screen, one line says, "I will grab base ball bat." The word "a" is left out. Come to think of it, "base ball" should be one word, too. Thus the line should read, "I will grab a baseball bat."

(Well, I had to do it. This is a nitpicking site.)

Johnny Carson's musings on Democracy.

Very entertaining.

Democracy means freedom of sexual choice between any two consenting adults

Of course, political correctness means freedom of sexual choice between any two consenting Christian married adults who are totally well-adjusted, don't have any genetic abnormalities, are physically and mentally in perfect health,
only do certain sexual positions which are safe and comfortable and who remember to lock the door just in case the kids walk in and who have already done the housework and helped the kids with the homework and paid their bills and have been in touch with their relatives and are on good terms with everybody else and they're totally rested and comfortable and don't have any angst and don't have anything better to do and are ready for the possibility of another kid (because birth control is WRONG) and...um, okay, I think I covered everything.

No sex until you meet all of those criteria.

That'll solve the population explosion problem.

What salad dressing causes extreme nervousness in young boys?

Neverland Ranch

The Onion breaks the real Neverland Ranch story.

That one was hysterical, Tom. And it would certainly explain a lot!

An Announcement
To the citizens of the United States of America.

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus your failure to adequately govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following Rules are introduced with immediate effect:

-----• You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up ‘aluminium’, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

-----• The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour.’
Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.

-----• Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up ‘vocabulary’).
Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

-----• There is no such thing as US English.
We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft Spell-Checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of -ize.

-----• You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.
-----• July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

You will also learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a peeler in public.

-----• All American cars are hereby banned.
They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you Japanese cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

-----• The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol, or gasoline, to roughly $6/US gallon.
Get used to it.

-----• You will learn to make real chips.
Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

-----• The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all.
Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

-----• Hollywood will be required to cast more English actors as good guys.
Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Dick Van Dyke attempt English dialogue in Mary Poppins was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater. Without a carry permit.

-----• You will cease playing American football.
There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

-----• Further, you will stop playing baseball.
It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

-----• You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
-----• You will pay back taxes for both yourselves and your ancestors going back to the year 1776.

An internal revenue agent (tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due. Those who refuse to pay will be happy to know that our dungeons are still in good working order. Thank you for your co-operation.

If you're going to repost standard internet humor, at least give credit to the (unknown) author. This one has been going around for several years.

Yawn.

Duh.

It's not even the first time it's been posted here.

Almost a year ago.

Feel free to delete this, but...

The bad news is, Coretta Scott King has died at the age of 78.
The good news is, it was natural causes.

Huh? What the hell does that mean?

Probably has something to do with the fact that her death was not by assassination.

Exactly.

Oh.

Bill Maher parodies David Blaine. I was cracking up when I saw this.

I didn't have the nerve to post this in the light bulb jokes thread.

Q. How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?

( I didn't have an answer for that one, I just thought the question was funny. )

Funny? Offensive? Both?

Actually, this belongs on the Political Correctness board on PM, but it's empty, with no posting allowed, so....

Don't correct in Red.

Walter Cronkite, the most trusted man in America, has died...

...or has he??

could his death be a hoax??

(Just kidding, folks! I hope nobody's offended!)

Marcia: "Stop squirting your sister!" Marcia’s son: "I gotta get Jessica wet!" - A Very Brady Christmas predicts future cable taboo-bending.