.How to tell if you cat is plotting to kill you.
(This humor works best for cat owners, or at least, those familiar with cat behavior.)
Oh cr@p, Luigi, I'm doomed.
What's your little guy's name, Scott?
Her name is Jasmine.
LOL.
After reading a hilarious satirical review for that New Age-y rubbish book, The Secret, which Peter David posted on his website, another user linked to a couple of reviews for the toy above, Playmobil Security Check Point. I can't believe a company actually created this toy. Scroll down for the reviews.
One nit I should pick with the "Cat Plotting To Kill You" page above: The "warning" signified when your cat brings you dead animal. The illustration shows a bird, but it should be a mouse. Cats will carry in dead mice because they like to play around with them, but they do not eat them. They will, however eat birds, and not bring them in, at least in my experience.
My parents' cat once brought them half a mouse. The left half.
Here's a hilarious set of reviews for a Harry Potter toy broom.
"We Didn't Start the Flame War." A sendup of Internet culture set to the tune of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Star the Fire".
NOTE: NSFW. Contains much profanity and some NSFW visuals.
That was great.
Lessee, there's been
1. "We Didn't Start the Eighties" by Gordon N Firm
2. "We Love Barney Fife" - Guns N Moses
3. "We Couldn't Start the Tractor" - Mylo Hatzenbuhler
and now the song Luigi posted the link to. That makes four parodies of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire". Gotta be one of the most parodied songs of all time.
BTW, "We Didn't Start the Flame War" was pretty good.
That was hilarious .
Here's another one based on the Harry Potter fanfic community.
Warning for adult language. And the backup singing is almost inaudible.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTYadVjuvlo
And while we're on the subject of Harry Potter, this was a big hit on the Dr. Demento Show a few years back. Pretty cool video someone made for the song. (Tony Goldmark is the artist responsible for the song.)
And here is where you can watch a video of "We Didn't Start the Eighties" by Gordon N Firm.
And while we're at it, how about the Great Luke Ski's "Stealing Like a Hobbit"?
And for the Pirates of the Caribbeans fans, here's Luke Ski's "You Don't Know Jack".
And finally, for the Star Wars fans out there, here's the Great Luke Ski's "Vader Boy".
That's all.
For now. 
I didn't like Billy Joel's We Didn't Start The Fire, but I did like this parody. (Probably helps if you grew up in the Pacific Northwest.)
Now if only someone would upload Godzilla Ate Tukwila on YouTube or Veoh...
This sketch has caused a stir. These guys are the same people who crashed the APEC summit last year pretending to be the canadian delegates. Would love to know what you think...
(Warning: Not exactly NSFW but does touch on a sensitive subject- discretion advised)
LOL! What the world would be like if the Internet suddenly disappeared.
I didn't quite understand the winner, but ironically, I thought the last one, #20, was one of the funniest.
A drive-by RickRolling. I love it! HA!!!!
awesome Luigi! Very funny!
That's funny...and in good taste too
For some reason, when my Safari browser crashes, the window that pops up for me to report the crash asks me, "Please describe what you were doing when the problem happened." This seems to me an odd thing to ask, so I sent this message.
Another thing that occurred to me that was maybe some people were performing some--ahem--"other activity" that people may do when visiting certain types of websites. But in that instance, would they really expect people to specify this? For that matter, is that really relevant to Apple to investigate the problem?
I don't have a Safari browser, but couldn't there be a lot of ways to answer that? "Browsing" is rather vague. Just off the top of my head:
Were you clicking a link? Downloading a file? Watching a video? Sending an IM? Doing nothing? What site were you on, or trying to go to? It seems to me those questions would be relevant.
I wasn't sending an IM (I use AIM for that) or downloading a file. I do think that I had either just arrived at a site, and/or trying to watch a video, but I'm not sure at this point.
Thanks for pointing that out.
I got this email today from a family member:
I love this Doctor!
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is
this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats and that it...don't waste on
exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live
longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live
longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn.
And what are these? Vegetable. So steak is nothing more than efficient
mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can
give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine that
mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that
way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If
you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In
fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should
only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It
best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!
I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food
and diets.
AND...
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Health and Safety at Christmas
The Rocking Carol
Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:
Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.
Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.
Jingle Bells
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O’er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.
While Shepherds Watched
While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground,
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around
The Union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
Please note, the Angel of the Lord is reminded that before shining his/her glory all around, she/he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.
Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw it,
you would even say it glows.
You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All Policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R. Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.
Little Donkey
Little donkey, little donkey
on the dusty road,
Got to keep on plodding onwards
with your precious load
The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry; also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles.
The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labeled ‘little’ and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.
We Three Kings
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star
Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as ‘Cash for Gold’ etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipient’s name or perhaps give a gift voucher.
We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC Routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camel feet.
Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:
I didn't know Queen did a Christmas carol.
Say, one of God's ministers in England (?)
says its all right to steal or shoplift if you are poor....
now there is an uproar over what he preaches..
how about Madoff and Enron, etc.
-------------------------------
Merry Christmas and Happy new year
especially to ScottN and ol sigh.
(Really, I'm lucky to be alive today.)
This is cute. When the guy stops running, place your cursor about 1 inch above his head.
bullies used to steal my lunch at school ... until I convinced my mother to make my sandwiches peanut butter with sweet pickle slices or chopped black olives and mayonnaise, and to lace my vanilla wafers with Tabasco sauce.
By the end of the first week I was eating lunch again. Few things express a mother's love like a homemade lunch in a paper sack.
I think here is the best place to share this. Ngl, I think it's an awesome idea. 
Yup.