So all these books were linked together by a continuing theme? Sounds like a good idea. Guess I'll have to try and track some of these books down.

Good luck. The Virgin novels are out of print. I've been finding them on Ebay, but be prepared to fork out around $8-10, depending on shipping.

Ouch! Thanks for the warning.

I'm not sure the linked-by-a-continuing-theme stuff WAS a good idea. I suppose it worked for the Timewyrm ones, but by Cat's Cradle they were desperately trying to pretend that stories with no links whatsoever were a trilogy. After which they gave up.

Not quite. They just became a little less obvious about the links. For example, the "Who's mucking with the Doctor's past? arc, that ran from "Blood Heat" to "No Future."

And the excellent psi-powers series.

Yeah, couldn't remember that one last night.

True, true, I just meant that they stopped artifically sticking stories together and writing 'THIS IS A TRILOGY' across them in felt tip pen. So to speak.

'The quote at the beginning from Logoplis was at Peter's insistence, and not mine. I think it made for an overly portentious intro to what was essentially just an old-fashioned romp' - Nigel Robinson in DWM. Yes, well, leaving aside the unusual definition of the word 'romp'...maybe you should have thought twice about having things like 'The end of the Universe. The end of everything' on the back cover if you want to look cheery. Especially as it contradicts Utopia.

The Big Bang was 15 billion years ago? Wikipedia says 13.8.

Could this BE any more pompous? The Master is 'an unthinking renegade from the legendary planet of Gallifrey' and the Doctor is 'a mysterious traveller known to some as the Doctor'. (And if the narrator knows the MASTER'S from Gallifrey, why not the Doctor?)

'Realizing that creation still had much to achieve, [the Doctor] opened a single CVE in a distant constellation' - and, what, if he'd felt that 'creation' was past its sell-by date and there were unlikely to be any more really great episodes of Professor X, he'd've let us all DIE, I suppose?

The Panjistri are 'almost blind and deaf' since WHEN! The Matriarch listens to Darien's music and ogles him easily enough.

'Polly? Isn't that the stuck-up Sloane Ranger you told me about?' - there is absolutely no way the Doctor could have described Polly in terms that would have led to Ace to conclude this. Plus, judging by Ace's reaction to the Brig calling her 'the latest one' she, like Rose, has spectacularly failed to come to grips with the obvious fact that she had a lot of predecessors.

'With a branch he was glumly prodding the skull of a dead cat' - twenty-two pages. THAT'S how long it took to murder an oochie. In the book's defence, it's a whole hundred and sixty pages before someone gets both eyeballs shot out.

'Cursing in a long-dead language' - it's extraordinary how often the NAs have the Doctor cursing in Ancient Gallifreyan, given that he NEVER does such a thing on-screen.

'We must get him some medical treatment.' 'Back to the TARDIS then?' 'Definitely not. We must take him to the town' - why, exactly? Given that there's a storm raging and the town's fifteen minutes away and the Doctor and Ace are finding it incredibly difficult to carry their dying patient.

'Ace kicked herself for supposing that all the teachers on this plane [sic] would be male' - er, yes, Ace comes from a society where most teachers are female so why assume, on meeting ONE male teacher, that they're ALL like that?

'A meal of meats and spiced wine was already waiting for them' - I thought the NA Seventh Doctor was vegetarian? And wouldn't let Ace drink alcohol (Battlefield)? Why don't they politely ask for more suitable food? Come to that, why doesn't the Doctor SENSE that it's mushed-up human remains (as he does in Ghost Light) and stop Ace eating it?

'Seminarians were...keying notes into desktop computers. It was a curious mix of baroque splendour and modern technology, noted the Doctor' - and what's THE DOCTOR'S definition of 'modern' technology, exactly?

'My friend Manisha nearly died from trusting that no bastard was going to try to burn her house down' - whereas, what, if she HAD suspected, she'd've stayed up all night, every night, with a bucket of water? Or what?

Plus, Blood Heat said Manisha DID die.

'She was pleasantly surprised that her throat had not been cut during the night' - if Ace was THAT sure she'd be attacked, why didn't she...JUST STAY AWAKE?

Why does Ace assume that Raphael is Revna's boyfriend?

'For the first time in his life Raphael was afraid' - seriously? Even when he was frantically trying to avoid drowning yesterday? Even though there are massive amounts of childhood bullying going on?

'The Doctor had been in many libraries - he had lent his reader's ticket for the British Museum to Marx, advised Pope Clement on the contents of the Vatican Library, and even saved two plays by Aristophanes from the burning of the library in Alexandria' - not according to the Library of Alexandria Companion Chronicle he didn't. And wouldn't he have done better NOT to aid and abet Marx's ruinous influence on human history? And advise Pope Clement on the joys of atheism, feminism and contraception?

'Regeneration was a tricky business even for the most experienced Time Lord' - really? Cos Romana had it utterly under control, first time.

'Perhaps the tension on board the ship was his fault' TROUGHTON ponders. Oh, YA THINK! Referring to 'the Doctor' in the third person and slaughtering all those guards would hardly have won Polly and Ben's trust...

Why does the Doctor insist that such fast evolution is impossible...post-Full Circle?

'He knew what the older man was going through: the beliefs on which he had based his entire life were being cruelly undermined. Once, an unimaginably long time ago, the Doctor too had gone through a similar crisis of faith' - oh come off it, like the Doctor would EVER have believed in Gallifreyan society THAT much.

'The look in his eyes told the Doctor that he had won his battle. There was a hardness in them now, a burning hate, and an immovable sense of purpose. The Doctor had seen that look only once before: and Alexander had gone on to conquer half a world' - er, I doubt Alexander looked THAT burning-hate-filled about it. And if the Doctor could inspire a loser-Kirithian so fast, surely he's inspired lots of others to have THAT look in their eyes?

If this is called 'Kirith town', what are all the OTHER towns on Kirith called?

'I am an old man, Doctor, and half my life has already passed me by. I have lived in this town for two hundred and fifty years' - people in this place live for FIVE HUNDRED YEARS? How long ARE this planet's years? And why would Miril call himself 'old' if he's exactly middle-aged anyway?

'Millions of years of evolution compressed into a few centuries' - you said that was a lie, why are you suddenly taking it seriously?

Why IS Raphael 'the only one who's remembering things he's not supposed to'? He's still eating the food, isn't he?

'A great race dwelt on the planet. They were men of vast abilities and great learning' - oh, gods, even I can't be bothered to scream 'sexism!' at fake histories. Also, I'm losing the will to live.

'Because the tor ascended by a series of small plateaux they weren't in danger of their lives; but a fall down to the previous ledge could still result in broken limbs' - but not a broken neck?

'A few days ago he could not even have contemplated the idea that there were people on Kirith prepared to deceive and to kill their fellow men' - really? Cos for starters you seem to have a REAL school-bullying problem, not to mention a dictator who shags anything that moves whether they want him to or not, so this is hardly a pacifist paradise.

'The other Companions had gone off in another direction' - what, Ace is vitally important to this millennia-old plan but the tireless, relentless, right-behind-her monsters with the excellent sense of smell who are SUPPOSED to be capturing her almost all hare off in the wrong direction for, um, no readily apparent reason?

And a few of them chase Raphael in a half-hearted manner because 'it wasn't him they were interested in'. So why are they chasing him instead of Ace in the first place?

Oh gods, Ace has only gone and twisted her bloody ankle...

Cannibalism is hardly a shocking revelation, not after the whole of Season 22 was spent obsessing about it.

To be continued...

The Big Bang was 15 billion years ago? Wikipedia says 13.8.

When was the book written? The 13.8 billion years value has only recently been measured to that degree of accuracy. Prior to that, 15 billion years was considered a good ball park estimate.

'With a branch he was glumly prodding the skull of a dead cat' - twenty-two pages. THAT'S how long it took to murder an oochie. In the book's defence, it's a whole hundred and sixty pages before someone gets both eyeballs shot out.

Ok, now I just gotta ask. WHY are there so many killed cats and gruesome eyeball mutilations in these books?

When was the book written? The 13.8 billion years value has only recently been measured to that degree of accuracy. Prior to that, 15 billion years was considered a good ball park estimate.

Ah! 1991.

Ok, now I just gotta ask. WHY are there so many killed cats and gruesome eyeball mutilations in these books?

*Sigh* Don't ask me, I just obsessively chronicle every occasion. Come to think of it, THIS is probably where the rot set in. But why would the Who novels pick up a meme from Timewyrm: Apocalypse of all things?

'The Doctor sighed. Ace could probably look after herself, he supposed, even without the contents of her backpack' - you might try showing a little CONCERN that a defenceless teenager is being hunted by a pack of monsters.

'The Time Lords were always an unpredictable and unreliable species, even during the last days of their existence. And the Doctor is not only a Time Lord...' - I'd say the Time Lords were extremely predictable. And the NA insistence that the Time Lords lived - and died - very early on in the universe's lifetime still feels odd. As of course does this 'more than a Time Lord' thing nicked from Remembrance/Silver Nemesis and eventually revealed in Lungbarrow to be that dreadful 'reincarnation of the Other' idea.

'You regard us as evil, Doctor.' 'I hate and despise anyone and anything that perverts the true course of nature' - you're kidding me! THE DOCTOR is a back-to-nature, go-live-in-a-cave-and-swing-from-a-tree kinda guy?

'Victoria had expressed a wish to see how her ancestors had lived in the late sixteenth century, and Jamie had wanted some excitement and spectacle' - I find this hard to believe, as neither was under any illusions about the Second Doctor's ability to steer the TARDIS. And Jamie generally seemed to consider his life had MORE than enough excitement.

'The little man had reasoned that if he set the TARDIS controls for both his friend Will's house in Stratford and for the Pan-Galactic Games on Alpha Centauri he stood a fifty-fifty chance of arriving at one or the other.' - how can you set the controls for two different places simultaneously? Why would this lead to the TARDIS actually obeying instructions for once? Since when is the Doctor pals with Shakespeare who he didn't meet till The Shakespeare Code?

'"No," said Miril sadly, "My day has gone"' - why? He's only halfway through his lifespan, after all!

Why didn't Raphael think to rummage around in Ace's backback for some Nitro-9 EARLIER?

'Artron energy - chernobyls of it' - why on Earth would you measure Artron energy in CHERNOBYLS?

(Gods, I miss Malcolm. What the hell HAPPENED to him? No doubt Magambo ate him for breakfast or Kate nuked him or something.)

'"Don't you know I'm the Doctor?" he continued. "Shouldn't you treat me with the respect I deserve?" At which point a seagull passing overhead gave the Doctor the sort of respect it thought he deserved' - the Doctor never says such things! And birds NEVER do THAT to him!

'Your manipulation of other species disgusts me almost as much as your perversion of nature' - blimey, the nature thing WASN'T just a bizarre one-off?

'The Earthchild is our salvation! Scour the Darkfell, ransack the Harbours, raze Kirith to the ground if need be, but find her!' - er...you couldn't find someone ELSE to give your monster a bit of aggression? You seem pretty aggressive yourself, frankly.

'But despite all his reasoning the Doctor still felt his body quake with the most terrible fear of them all - the fear of the unknown' - there's NOTHING the Doctor loves more than exploring the unknown!

'The creature bellowed, and lurched forward. For a second the Doctor lost his head and gave in to blind panic.' - Yeah, cos he's never seen a monster lurching towards him before...

'A congealed mass of jelly babies left over from a previous incarnation' - in the Seventh Doctor's pockets?

Um, remind me of why the Matriarch is 'testing' the Doctor by chasing him with a monster?

Why doesn't he just whip off his jacket and do his matador-at-the-edge-of-a-cliff thing?

'Four days to create a fully-grown clone from a few cells' - I'm not sure whether to criticise this as ludicrously quick or (by Doctor's Daughter standards) ludicrously slow. But the whole creating-a-clone-of-Ace-to-test-the-Doctor-with stuff is pointless and stupid. Also, why not use the bloody clone to give your stupid monster enough aggression to destroy the universe with (or whatever's your stupid plan at THIS precise moment)?

'I remember I was so proud of you when you went to work for the Panjistri. On that day you were so beautiful; I thought there was no one luckier than me' - yeah, who WOULDN'T want their beautiful lover to abandon them for the Panjistri?

'Meekly Raphael agreed' - to go in search of the Doc and leave his home town to be massacred because they'd risen up for democracy (well, FOOD anyway)? My hero!

'He stopped and slapped his forehead. I am the Doctor and I am living in my own present, he repeated to himself. The Brigadier and all the others belong to the past which is gone!' - treacherous GIT!

Why does the rubbish teleporter of this incredibly-advanced civilisation leave everyone UNCONSCIOUS after using it?

And why does this incredibly-advanced civilisation have a 'narrow bridge which had no handrail, and which swayed worryingly over an abyss of several thousand feet'?

'Was it his imagination or was it getting hard to breathe?' - and THE DOCTOR notices this first?

'Without the Earthchild the whole Universe is doomed' - yeah, cos it's not like you've had plenty of other space-travellers you could have cannibalised for the aggression your monster needs. Or that said Earthchild can be CLONED. Or that the Panjistri currently SLAUGHTERING HALF THE TOWN are in any way aggressive. Or that the oh-so-meek Kirithons are incapable of any sort of bullying/rape/uprisings, at all...

'Earth physicists called it the Big Crunch. A natural outcome of the Big Bang' - well, OF COURSE the TIME LORD FROM GALLIFREY would be lecturing THE PANJISTRI OF KIRITH about what EARTH SCIENTISTS claimed. They were TOTALLY the first to discover, well, ANYTHING.

(OK, should hardly be criticising the BOOKS for this when bloody Kill the Moon claimed that BLINOVITCH was a human...)

'Before our world was destroyed by the solar flares...' - what, the magic trees didn't materialise to save you all? No Space Whales? No sod-off-to-an-Ark-for-a-few-millennia? What's the MATTER with you people!

So the Panjistri have collected cells from every sentient species that still exists close to the end of the universe. They've culled and distilled 'em into a bio-mechanism which is 'the only force capable of halting and reversing the destruction of the Universe' - and when Raphael asks 'what sort of machine could do that' THE DOCTOR claims that 'an entity that has been everywhere, experienced every emotion, done everything, and knows all there has ever been to know - an omnipotent and omniscient being'. But the Kirithons are nothing of the sort! And even if they were, how would experience translate into omnipotence?

'If it is a choice between Ace's future and the future of all creation, which would you choose?' THE DOCTOR lectures Raphael when Raphael begs him not to let them destroy Ace. Yet TWO SECONDS LATER, after NOTHING WHATSOEVER has happened...'"Please believe me, Reptu," pleaded the Doctor. "You must release Ace now, and stop your misguided scheme!" "Would you have billions die?" "You stupid, stupid old man!...Everything must at some time die...This Universe still has ten billion years left to it, before entropy takes it over completely...And what you're creating...is not going to reverse that. You are creating a monster, Reptu, a savage, vengeful, greedy monster!"' So...NOT exactly Ace's life v the universe, then.

So why does the Matriarch push her Panjistri into siding with the Doctor by destroying their life-support...knowing the back-up systems will keep 'em alive for several finally-helping-the-Doctor-with-their-super-mind-powers-cos-their-Matriarch-is-trying-to-kill-them hours?

'It was easy to drain the minds of Kirithons who were bred for that purpose. Earth people are much more difficult' - blimey, how much EXPERIENCE have the Panjistri had of Earth people, here at the end of the universe?

Why don't the Doctor and Reptu recruit some Panjistri to help 'em break the gravity field?

'The Grand Matriarch looked down with an almost sexual delight...' 'There was an almost lecherous look on the old woman's face...' 'It groaned with an almost sexual pleasure...' OK, we get it! This is real, GROWN-UP Who! People (and monsters) are...VERY NEARLY SEXUAL!

'Silently he mouthed an old Gallifreyan charm' - wasn't the old Gallifreyan SWEARING bad enough? Since when have they had magic charms? Since when has THE DOCTOR mouthed their magic charms?

'If only he hadn't been so supremely confident of his abilities all those years ago' - his abilities to WHAT? Sew up that kid's doll? Um, someone remind me what the Timewyrm was doing in TROUGHTON'S TARDIS, anyway?

'She smiled, her first smile in over five thousand years' - well, isn't THAT funny cos 'she smiled at Darien' at the beginning of the book, which sure as hell wasn't set five thousand years ago.

'[Raphael's] out there now, somewhere among the stars. Perhaps he can carry Miril's dream with him?' 'A being like Raphael wandering around the Universe might not be all that bad. The old place could do with regaining some of its lost innocence -' WHAT! Raphael's...ALIVE? Whatever happened to 'It's because of you that Raphael's dead' 'Ace, there was no other way. Please believe me. It was Raphael's own decision...It was either him - or the end of everything...He loved you so much that he gave his life for you'???

It's got a few decent (if uninspiring) ideas, why does the shortest of all Who novels feel like it goes on FOREVER?

The Master is 'an unthinking renegade from the legendary planet of Gallifrey' and the Doctor is 'a mysterious traveller known to some as the Doctor'. (And if the narrator knows the MASTER'S from Gallifrey, why not the Doctor?)

Oh. *Pouts* Kudos to the narrator, after all...

Bookwyrm:

'There's nothing wrong with Bidmead fetishism, of course, except that...the closing of the CVE led to pretty spectacular instant death for a goodly chunk of the cosmos. This is heat death...In no way does this resemble the Big Crunch, the reduction of the universe to a singularity, which is what Robinson claims is going on here. To conflate the two is massively contradictory...he clearly knew this. There's an almighty fudge to try to tie entropic heat death to reduction to singularity but, despite both being theorised as means by which the universe will end, they are mutually exclusive and cannot be combined' - though to be fair to Robinson, it wouldn't be the first or last time the Whoniverse got confused on this issue...