I was quite suprised by this one.

true, it's pure 'Uncle Tewwy' in terms of plot, but he actually does a really terrific job characterising the Doctor in terms of the Earth-Arc.

Yes. In fact it's surprising that after a thousand years the Doctor doesn't get this bored ANYWAY, let alone with no memory and no TARDIS and no friends and stuck on one miserable planet living life with one day boringly after another instead of like crazy paving.

Bizarrely, the Doctor seems to know all about the KGB which is more than anyone else would have done in 1951. It was formed from the merging of the MGB and the MVD in 1954. Terrance, honestly!!!

And am I alone in thinking that this could have been a lot better without any fantasy elements? Imagine if it had just been a Le Carre-esque* thriller about the Doctor's involvement in the defection of Burgess and Maclean, perhaps exposing an all-too-human conspiracy to launch World War III into the bargain?

* Yes, I've just compared Terrance Dicks to John le Carre. It's a funny old world.

Well, yes, it probably WOULD have been better, if only because those so-called Players are NOT very successful or convincing or frightening (here OR in Players).

Plus it's inappropriate, to say the least, for Stalin's worst excesses to be blamed on the Players' control. Let's hope none of his victims' relatives read this nonsense*. (What with the Timewyrm influencing Hitler this seems to be a bit of a Dicks habit vis-a-vis genocidal maniacs. Can't humanity take responsibilty for its own crimes?)

*Stalin's victims, that is, obviously, rather than Terrance Dicks' victims, amongst which we can all count ourselves.

To be honest, Stalin's victims might be too busy beating up the other author (who was once mistaken for Terrance in my presence, it's a long story...) who claimed that Will Smith was more evil.

Actually, for how long were the Players supposedly influencing Stalin? A lot of his worst excesses happened long before 1951.

You don't expect me to REMEMBER anything about this book???

Anyway, any victims of Stalin would be waaay too grateful for Dead Romance to chop Lawrence into pieces for his views on the importance of culture versus politics.

The Doctor's ignorance of a world he's been living in for the past 50 yrs is unbelievable. No, not incredible, unbelievable. Has he not read a single newspaper, listened to the radio, or heard the gossip on the street? And how can anyone who's been interacting with the world for so long not leave a paper trail? And where is he getting the money to rent a flat and eat out every day?

The Doctor's ignorance of a world he's been living in for the past 50 yrs is unbelievable. No, not incredible, unbelievable. Has he not read a single newspaper, listened to the radio, or heard the gossip on the street?

To be fair, it's not much more unbelievable than Eleven's pig-ignorance in The Lodger. Maybe the Doctor just declutters his mind of this human nonsense every few years? (Well, according to Timewyrm: Genesys he does SOMETHING of the sort, using the TARDIS's telepathic circuits, though obviously Eight can't have employed this particular method during his amnesiac stay on Earth with a stupid useless mini-TARDIS.)

Well, THAT'S more like it. After several novels that felt like wading through treacle, we have a nice quick read with nice simple nits. Sure, it's pretty worthless and childishly simplistic and basically consists of the Doc somehow overpowering men with guns over and over and over again before getting the female Player to develop such a crush on him she saves the world but did I mention - NICE. QUICK. READ.

'For a moment I thought I felt a flicker of recognition, but there's nothing there. Nothing at all' - the Seventh Doctor doesn't recognise the Eighth? That's in keeping with, say, Five not recognising Ten in Time Crash, or the Seventh Doc in Dominion being fooled by a Master pretending to be a future-Doctor but it still feels WEIRD.

Newspapers cost A PENNY in, um, whatever-year-this-is (early 1950s)?

'The Doctor had a sudden flash of a crowded tavern, of a bearded figure at an ale-slopped table, scrawling on parchment with a quill-pen' - that certainly fits in with City of Death and Planet of Evil, but contradicts Shakespeare Code...

'The Doctor had a sudden vision of a many-armed, glowing-eyed being in a misty cavern somewhere immensely far away - aww! Great move not even mentioning gender, as it fits in with almost everything to do with Venusian aikido...including JODIE!'s mention of Venusian nuns...

'The Doctor looked down at his unconscious opponent. Apparently he could do things as long as he didn't think about them too much..."It surprised me too," said the Doctor, with feeling. "If I'm directly attacked, I seem to slip back into some kind of atavistic state. It's all very puzzling"' - again, kudos to Terrance Dicks for fitting in with Ruth's amnesiac-Judoon-horn-ripping-off abilities. (Certain people criticise me for criticising authors for not foreseeing future-storylines but if Terrance Dicks can manage it...)

'"Doctor, stop! You're killing him!" The Doctor gave him a puzzled look. Wasn't it all right to kill people who'd been trying to kill you? Perhaps it wasn't...' - the Doc hasn't got THAT particular issue sorted out in his head yet? He's been stuck on Earth for sixty years...

'He is clearly anti-Soviet' - or just objects to his friend being kidnapped?

'There was, Oskar decided, only one honourable course. He must leave now and draw the enemy away from the Doctor' - brilliant! And then you can get captured and die-under-torture! What a plan! MUCH better than, say, just phoning the police...

Professional interrogators really shouldn't have managed to kill Oskar like that.

'Krychov's applied for political asylum by the way, too scared to go back to his boss after cocking things up. What do we do?' 'Have him debriefed. Then hand him back anyway.' 'They'll probably execute him.' 'Probably' - Hmm. I'm no expert but that doesn't sound likely to encourage further defections...?

The Doc dismisses his flashes of memory as 'fantasy and illusion'? He really hasn't worked out he's a long-lived time-travelling alien with amnesia? When exactly DOES the penny drop?

'Philby thought that he had never seen such complete repose. There was something eerie, inhuman about it. Like a lizard on a rock, he thought' - *gazes adoringly at Tom snoring in a deckchair* since WHEN!

'Already he had confessed enough to get himself hanged for high treason' - DID 1950s Britain go round hanging spies?

The Doctor needs 'MI5' and 'MI6' and 'CIA' explained to him. The Doctor only knows Truman's dropped two atomic bombs BECAUSE HE'S SIMPLY RECALLING THE POTTED HISTORY GIVEN HIM BY KIM PHILBY. Despite being stuck on Earth when that happened A FEW YEARS AGO.

'Wouldn't it be better if you went yourself?' - wouldn't it be better if Kim Philby personally escorted Donald Maclean on his Soviet-defection-journey in order to avoid suspicion falling on him? Er...no, Doctor.

'She was also, it was impossible to avoid noticing, very pregnant' - since when has the Doctor been aware of this PREGNANCY thing instead of assuming she'd swallowed a planet or something?

'I'll go out there and make a pass at him while you escape. How's that for a heroic sacrifice?' 'I wouldn't advise it' - boy hasn't the Doctor changed his tune by the time of Empty Child...

Melinda 'had spent too long as a diplomatic wife to even think of refusing' - yet not long enough to hide her wince?

'Think about it. If the Russians wanted to kill you they could just wait till you arrive in Moscow and then polish you off at their leisure and without any adverse publicity. Why bother going to the trouble and expense of sending an assassin?' - it's not MUCH trouble and expense if you've already got assassins on the payroll and murdering some of the most high-profile defectors-to-Communism ever as soon as they turn up in Russia would do untold damage to the Soviet Union's chances of getting any Westerner to defect ever again.

Why don't the Doctor/Maclean INSIST on driving instead of drunken Burgess?

'A beautiful and dangerous woman' - surely there should be a PROBABLY thrown in there somewhere?

This is really convinced of the Eighth Doctor's asexuality, which is odd given the telemovie, not to mention him shagging Bernice Summerfield (The Dying Days), I M Foreman (Interference), the Elven Queen (Autumn Mists), Karl (Year of Intelligent Tigers) etc etc...

It's a bit of a cheek to wheel out the 'sleep is for tortoises' line when you have the Doc sleeping on an almost-regular basis.

'My time may be running out. Did you ever wonder why I was so keen to get Donald Maclean away, Doctor?' ''Because he was a friend?' 'Partly. But it wasn't all altruism. Maclean is a link to Burgess - and Burgess is a link to me' - why are you spelling this out in words of one syllable when you've already HAD this conversation quite a few pages ago ('A warrant's been issued and [Maclean]'ll be arrested on Monday. When that happens he'll tell them everything.' 'And incriminate you?' 'Amongst others.')

'When [Anderson] leaned forward to talk, the Doctor saw the butt of an automatic in a shoulder-holster under his lightweight brown suit' - the Doctor didn't notice the gun SOONER?

'"Suppose this man isn't an innocent visitor but a spy?" "Then we shall dispose of him," said Myrek calmly. "We may have to let him come - but we don't have to let him leave"' - I mean, sure, he's due straight back at the White House to report to the President but I'm sure his disappearance won't rouse any suspicions...

'"I was told nothing about an inspection," Myrek protested. "Captain Howard merely spoke of a distinguished visitor."' - why the hell didn't Howard mention an inspection!

'You must tell him the whole story as soon as he gets back' - cos it's not like the Americans have invented TELEPHONES or anything...

'The old boy's getting more and more paranoid - and more and more warlike. He's convinced that when the Americans have dealt with Communist China they'll come after him next' - dunno why Stalin should be worried about the US 'dealing with' China in a hurry...

'If the Players are operating in Moscow - and Timenko's convinced they are - the atomic button could be pushed any day now. You're needed in Moscow, Doctor, you really are.' 'I'm sorry, Mr Philby, but the answer's no. I found and exposed the Players for you. The rest is up to you and your friends' - I'm sorry, has the Doctor not realised that IF EARTH GETS NUKED HE GETS NUKED TOO?

The Doc's too stupid to realise Philby planted something on him when he lurched against him?

'"Name," said the desk sergeant. "Smith." "First name, John?" "That's right," said the Doctor, mildly surprised. "How did you know?"' - the Doc's so stupid he doesn't even realise John Smith's a cliched common name? Why did he choose it for himself in the first place if he didn't know that?

The Doctor just doesn't get that Philby was the one who shopped him to the police and planted the papers until said police spell it out for him in words of one syllable? (Are they supposed to DO that?)

'He was given...a pair of horn-rimmed glasses with plain-glass lenses, which he threw away as soon as he was alone' - What's the Doc got against plain-glass specs, Five and Ten LOVED 'em...

The Countess thinks COLIN BAKER is a 'great handsome bull of a man'??

'They will get there eventually, Doctor' says the Countess, of humanity destroying itself. The HELL we will! (Unless you count Orphan 55 and even ORPHAN 55 doesn't count Orphan 55 as real future-history.)

The Doc does NOT have 'black, unutterable horror in his soul' - see The Gallifrey Chronicles.

'We must hope and pray that she keeps her word' - pray to WHOM, Doctor?

'I want to cut his throat, to feel his blood on my hands' - how...sweet of you to want to not-just-shoot the Doctor, given how many times he's physically overpowered you.

'We shall meet again, Doctor. When you are more yourself' - mercifully not, Terrance Dicks hasn't got to inflict a fourth Players book on us...yet.

'Even your considerable criminal record had now been expunged' - WHAT considerable criminal record?

Very nice of UNIT, Torchwood etc to leave him the hell alone during this century. But between amnesiac-Eight, the Curator and Capaldi's eighty-plus-years-at-uni, how many Doctors WERE there simultaneously living on our planet whilst all their other selves dropped in ALL THE TIME...?

'"Doctor, stop! You're killing him!" The Doctor gave him a puzzled look. Wasn't it all right to kill people who'd been trying to kill you? Perhaps it wasn't...' - the Doc hasn't got THAT particular issue sorted out in his head yet? He's been stuck on Earth for sixty years...

And he deliberately kills people (aliens. Whatever.) in The Burning and The Turing Test...

The Doc dismisses his flashes of memory as 'fantasy and illusion'? He really hasn't worked out he's a long-lived time-travelling alien with amnesia? When exactly DOES the penny drop?

Well it's certainly dropped by The Turning Test (i.e. THE PREVIOUS BOOK) in which he's wandering around World War II telling people he's an alien and having a breakdown when the nearest aliens won't take him away with them....('"You're not sure that I'm human." He leaned forward. "Well, let me tell you a secret. I'm not sure either.')

This is really convinced of the Eighth Doctor's asexuality, which is odd given the telemovie, not to mention him shagging Bernice Summerfield (The Dying Days), I M Foreman (Interference), the Elven Queen (Autumn Mists), Karl (Year of Intelligent Tigers) etc etc...

It does, however, fit in with the claims in The Turing Test - you know, the PREVIOUS BOOK you spend this book merrily ignoring.

The Countess thinks COLIN BAKER is a 'great handsome bull of a man'??

Even infatuated River Song (Diary of River Song Season Two) uses words like 'brilliant, brave, bombastic' not 'handsome' (and she calls MCCOY 'gorgeous').

'Even your considerable criminal record had now been expunged' - WHAT considerable criminal record?

Yeah, weird given how he was treated as a trusted British agent during World War Two if he had such a considerable criminal record (can't have wracked it up post-war and pre-Endgame given that Endgame implies he spent those years practically catatonic...).