Did anyone else notice that Fitz doesn't actually do anything in this novel?
Other than have sex (again), you mean? Oh, and almost fall off a cliff.
Come to think of it, NOBODY does anything in this book. Admittedly my memories are somewhat hazy, but even the Doctor doesn't seem to achieve anything except, perhaps, temporarily protecting the brats (who seem perfectly capable of protecting themselves).
It's very oddly paced. It's a fairly typical Who adventure, and in typical Who adventures the Doctor and co. usually get into the main plot around 25 pages in. Here it seems to be 125 pages in (and poor Fitz gets shunted into his zero-plot-material subplot). Their presence doesn't seem to have any impact on the story. I wonder if this was conceived as a non-Who novel, then had the Doctor grafted into it as an effort to sell it? (This is a common accusation levelled against a few books but most of the time it blatantly isn't true - with 'Dark Progeny' I'm not so sure). Or perhaps it was originally proposed as a short story?
I, Who 3: 'After the birth of Emmerson's son in November 1996, a relative sent him a card with the quote, "Your children are not your children." Emmerson deemed it a wonderful way to start a book about children' - what, instead of just thinking his pal was SERIOUSLY WEIRD?
Childbirth is still agony in whatever-century-this-is?
'Anji! Probably dead by now. But sure - check on her. See how many of her life signs are still registering on that stupid little telly the Doctor had hooked her up to' - well, none of them presumably if she's DEAD. Something Fitz really SHOULD be a bit more concerned about.
'Fitz knew abruptly what it sounded like to skin a cat alive' - the Who novels' ability to torture oochies even when there are no oochies on the entire planet never ceases to amaze me.
'The first prime number. Come on!' 'Two.' - One isn't a prime number?
'They'd emerged from the sanctuary of the TARDIS into the humdinger storm and Fitz had instantly sustained a twisted ankle in the fumbling blackness and shifting ground. Anji was a dead weight between them, entirely lifeless for the first hour or so, then starting to emit little intermittent sounds like those of a kitten coming out of deep anaesthetic' - OK, how and why did Fitz carry Anji on a twisted ankle for over an hour? Why didn't he just go back to the TARDIS and let the Doctor carry her? And can't you just LEAVE INNOCENT KITTENS ALONE?
Didn't we HAVE all this 'ruthless company on alien colony world inadvertently unleashes ancient native evil on humanity when it digs up and then tries to blow up an archaeological site' in Kursaal? And wasn't it boring and pointless enough THEN?
'Ceres Alpha is the closest planet we've ever found to Earth conditions' - SERIOUSLY? This is the Whoniverse. Practically EVERY planet is a lot closer to Earth-normal than wretched Ceres Alpha.
'He felt the resentment spreading again inside him. And close on its heels came the guilt - the shame that he could resent her dereliction' - it doesn't occur to Josef to just CLEAN THEIR APARTMENT HIMSELF while his wife is mourning their dead child? Presumably he hasn't always expected her to do the housework, given that they had similar jobs before the disaster?
'At a hundred and forty-nine he was advancing now in his middle years' - about the only real effort put into portraying a future society involves people being REALLY OLD but I'm not sure I'm convinced. There's no way a hundred and forty-nine would be NATURALLY middle-aged for a human, and if there's some rejuvenation technique in the offing, why couldn't it be used more than once?
'There was a kind of streamlined beauty about her that he suddenly found alluring' - really? Cos two paragraphs later, 'Bains couldn't fail to notice the exaggerated curve of her breasts straining against the thin material of her blouse' - so not THAT streamlined, then.
'She was sweaty and smelly after a harsh workout in the gym' - they haven't invented a decent deodorant yet? Even though plastic surgery is available for 'a handful of dollars' (DOLLARS?! No American hegemony in the Whoniverse, thank you very much!) and 'the whole universe seemed to be populated by beautiful people' (but smelly ones, presumably...)
'There was substantial trauma to the eye-surfaces' - of course there was. This IS a Who novel, after all. No eyeball is safe any more than any cat is.
'"Any papers?" queried Peron. "Any ID?" "Not a jot."' - are you implying you actually searched the Doctor's pockets? Cos it's the first I've heard of it. And one always DOES hear during those legendary pocket-searches...
'She'd treated him with undisguised malice and no respect whatsoever' - as opposed to what, undisguised malice and oodles of respect...?
Why didn't the Doctor come to an abrupt halt at the sight of a beaten-up Bains being dragged around by the military and start being all...Doctorish? (Not that he NEEDED to given that Bains miraculously overcame all his trained and armed captors despite the fact he could barely move but hey, it's the thought that counts.)
Foley thanks God she has her anti-sand-storm gear on? Shouldn't she thank HERSELF for putting said gear on? Shouldn't people be beyond this 'God' nonsense by now?
'"Don't be stupid," Foley hollered. "You're not exactly dressed for these conditions. You need combat fatigues, a survival kit -"' and this didn't occur to EITHER of them when Foley took the Doctor outside in these conditions to look for his friend...?
Carly has months to plan how to kill ruthless Tyran when he tires of her. Yet she eventually attempts to off him using a mind probe she has no idea how to operate? Hand the woman a Darwin Award.
'"These creatures are babies?" Domecq asked incredulously' - surely the Doctor ought to be a BIT better at faking being Domecq and not giving the game away that he hasn't got a CLUE what this Earth-investigator ought to be well-briefed about...investigating? (Luckily Pryce doesn't notice anything wrong...Even when the Doctor starts ranting about the evil of you humans...)
'They were going to put him through hell, and then send him there' - people still believe in HELL as well as GAWD? For heaven's sake!
'Bains was now a prisoner of war' - how can he be when there ISN'T A WAR?
'The information inside Bains's head was the most dangerous knowledge in the universe' - since WHEN!
'Those creatures pose a unprecedented threat to the human race' - you guys have SO got to GET A LIFE.
'There was the possibility that the man was an impostor, of course, engaged by an enemy corporation to upset Tyran's plans' - I thought you'd already decided (like, in the PREVIOUS PARAGRAPH) that the Doc was a Lone Vigilante (or something) cos 'the real Domecq would take the bribe at this point'?
'That debate is centuries old. It was argued to its limits by our fathers' fathers' - so the ridiculously-old-age thing has been going on for a while. And so has a certain amount of BLATANT SEXISM.
Wasn't it unlikely enough that, with the whole of Ceres Alpha to roam around in, Ayla should JUST HAPPEN TO STUMBLE ACROSS Fitz without making it even LESS likely with 'You could easily miss it. He was covered in mud, perfectly camouflaged'??
Come to think of it, why did the Doctor give Fitz up for dead so fast? And not give any sign of caring?
'One of the most powerful men in the seven worlds' - MEN? And only SEVEN human colony-worlds? Even though it's so far in the (wisely unspecified) future that there isn't a blade of grass left on Earth?
THE DOCTOR is peering into ANJI'S face with such fierce longing people start suspecting they're LOVERS?!
The Doctor (quite rightly) gets through an impossible amount of data - yet 'He'd spent the first couple of hours' on prenatal records for one baby?
So Fitz is running round in a new tunic and underwear and his old boots...but no trousers?
'He was six foot four, Fitz estimated, and nearly as wide as he was tall' - HOW nearly? And how would this be possible, he's not an ALIEN or anything.
'Banned for three hundred years, it was a piece of technology that even Earth Central military didn't stoop to utilise. Its use was the only crime in the seven worlds that carried the death penalty' - blimey, Emmerson is REALLY the 'No, not the Mind Probe!' type, isn't he.
To be continued...
'The first prime number. Come on!' 'Two.' - One isn't a prime number?
From Wikipedia: A prime number (or a prime) is a natural number greater than 1 that has no positive divisors other than 1 and itself.
There's no way a hundred and forty-nine would be NATURALLY middle-aged for a human, and if there's some rejuvenation technique in the offing, why couldn't it be used more than once?
Aging is a multifaceted process. Being able to stop or reverse some or its aspects does not mean the others won't kick in at some point.
A prime number (or a prime) is a natural number greater than 1 that has no positive divisors other than 1 and itself.
Ah. So I suppose the nit should be - how come Anji knows that (even half-lobotomised from a telepathic attack) and I (with A-level Maths) don't? OK, so she was a City trader so would (one hopes) know SOMETHING about numbers, but I don't quite see where prime numbers would fit in.
Aging is a multifaceted process. Being able to stop or reverse some or its aspects does not mean the others won't kick in at some point.
Ah. Though this whole slow-aging thing has been going on since at least their grandparents' day several centuries ago, so you'd think they'd've managed to make a few advances by now.
Also, we've seen humanity with a lot more than seven planets at its disposal and NO mention that everyone's hundreds of years old.
so not THAT streamlined, then.
Metaphorically streamlined, not literally. She's got everything needed to make her beautiful, and nothing more.
Shouldn't people be beyond this 'God' nonsense by now?
Do you refuse to say 'goodbye', because it's short for 'god be with you'? Do you think that disasters are the result of going against the stars, the original meaning of the word? When the professor in 'My Fair Lady' swears 'By Jove!', do you immediately assume he worships Jupiter, despite living in Edwardian England?
It's entirely possible that all these future references to god are just fossilised conventional expressions, left over from more primitive times, not an indication that anyone actually believes in a god.
Did anyone else notice that Fitz doesn't actually do anything in this novel?
Other than have sex (again)
He didn't even do THAT! Possibly whatshername had ulterior motives for fighting off entire armies to keep Fitzy safe but if so, the book mercifully ended before we found out.
Metaphorically streamlined, not literally. She's got everything needed to make her beautiful, and nothing more.
Unfortunately that's not Bains' reaction, he practically shrieks 'OH MY GOD SHE'S A CHAV' when he (surprisingly belatedly) notices her chest.
Do you refuse to say 'goodbye', because it's short for 'god be with you'?
It's WHAT!
Well, I will NOW!
It's entirely possible that all these future references to god are just fossilised conventional expressions
Yeah - and I don't hold Eccy's 'For God's sake run' against him cos I KNOW he's an atheist - but when allied with a heavy hint that at least one major character actually believes in the existence of hell, I start getting worried. Our future seems so delightfully godless on TV, after all, at least on Old Who TV.
'The TARDIS often magically endowed its occupants with the ability to understand and speak the local idiom' - and, um, what did it do the REST of the time?
'He could smell the stench of his hairy breath' - his HAIRY breath?
'Can you imagine the amount of dollars and man-hours that go into a project like this?' - MAN-hours? DOLLARS? Dollars don't survive into the future even if sexism does.
'She'd noticed his flare pistol was loaded, whereas hers had been empty from the start' - if it's that obvious whether or not a flare pistol is loaded, how come she managed to hold up trained soldiers with an empty one?
'His determination out in the storm to recover his friend, regardless of the obvious danger to himself' - er, except that he gave up pretty fast, returned empty-handed and saved his own skin. (Look, I'm not expecting the Doc to SPOILER himself for four and a half billion SPOILERS for Fitz, but for heaven's sake...!)
'Some odds and ends and trinkets' - you CAN'T do a Capacious-Pocket-Emptying-Scene if you treat this legendary moment with such casualness! (Yes OF COURSE I'd've complained if they hadn't searched the Doctor's pockets after capturing him. That's not the POINT. Especially as later in his cell the Doctor empties his pockets on to the bunk. And no, his torturers didn't kindly return all his stuff to him before locking him up cos Anji finds it later in the interrogation room. Still, I suppose we COULD try to gloss over this with Alien Bodies' 'They didn't appreciate the things a sentient life-form could achieve, if he was totally at one with the lining of his jacket.')
Fitz and the Doctor are both getting beaten up in their interrogations at the same time, unbeknownst to themselves (or their captors)? REALLY running short of things to do in this book aren't you, Emmerson? Even BEFORE the Doctor, Fitz and Anji start their separate escaping-running-round-getting-recaptured routines.
So the message is lodged in Bains' answering service for Christ-knows-how-long (yes, there's not just religion around, there's apparently THAT religion, though if anything it SHOULD be that Lazarus-created holding-the-galaxy-together god-bothering from Crystal Buccephalus) THEN he ponders it for a couple of weeks, THEN he goes to the rendezvous Jazz arranged for the following week. So let's say that when she sent the WILD TERRIFIED ULTRA-URGENT cry for help she suggesting meeting up in...oooh...about A MONTH? In the hope that the ultra-rich-and-powerful son who's pursuing her wouldn't have found and mind-wiped her by then...?
'For all the years he'd spent with the mostly metric Doctor' - IS the Doctor mostly metric? He strikes me as the feet-and-inches type.
Ayla didn't TELL Fitz which was her landbug?
'The garment was big but would fit well enough to disguise her filthy appearance' - what, even her FACE?
Blimey, now Fitz is joining the bloke-with-the-smashed-ribs in managing to grab guns off trained soldiers who are training said guns on him.
No one cleans up the blood in Tyran's office after the Doctor's interrogation?
Why doesn't Tyran just kill all the kids who are destroying his life's work? He's got away with murder often enough in the past. Earth wouldn't like it, but they wouldn't be in a position to contest any claim that the weird alien mutant babies just couldn't survive.
So the theory is that Tyran's RIVALS planted the kids, believing that they'd be nurtured and cared for and protected...? Yeah, RIGHT.
There's a ••••••• GRILLE in the PRISON CELL big enough for people to crawl through?!
'"You could simply have jammed their weapons," he shrieked' - yeah, well, maybe you should have told them that sooner, Doctor. Or done something to stop the firing squad yourself instead of just standing around gormlessly? Just a thought.
Fitz and Anji both have TARDIS keys? That are isomorphic?
So the Doctor goes to the dig to uncover vital secrets and then, um, just turns round and goes back to the city?
The Doctor thinks bargaining with Tyran is 'our only chance'? Just overthrow him like you do every other tyrant, you moron.
'The creatures were halting the work here. It was them or the planet. You couldn't have both' - actually you could. Just ship 'em off to Earth Central, since they're so interested in the brats.
Oh look, Peron's going to remove Anji's eyes with a scalpel. I should have known that merely having substantial damage to the surface of her eyeballs wouldn't satisfy a Who novel's lust for some gouging.
But rejoice! Anji's sight is saved at the last minute. She is, after all, a Companion. Of course someone else has to get it in the eyeballs to compensate ('His cheeks were traced with trickles of blood from his eyes') but hey, that's life.
'They seemed to spend their entire lives racing from one giant catastrophe to another without a moment to catch their breath' - for heaven's sake, OF COURSE they must have moments to catch their breath. In between the novels.
Any particular REASON Jazz left her baby in the gutter for rats to gnaw on before eloping with a multi-millionaire? Why she didn't get an abortion/dump it with her ex/have it adopted?
Gods, a RESOLUTION of this planet's problems and Earth Central's and the kids and the parents and the terraforming and the companies...a FEW CHAPTERS bothering to conclude this whole mess would at least have meant a few less chapters of pure padding.
The half-and-half kid on the cover looks nothing like how the kids are described.
Any particular REASON Jazz left her baby in the gutter for rats to gnaw on before eloping with a multi-millionaire? Why she didn't get an abortion/dump it with her ex/have it adopted?
She might nor have felt an abortion was required during her pregnancy, so that option is no longer available. And leaving the kid behind and well taken care of means that it could pop back into her life at a later date, something her multi-millionaire might not look upon too kindly, so better just dispose of it.
She might nor have felt an abortion was required during her pregnancy
But she obviously didn't feel that the baby was enormously welcome, on discovering her pregnancy she went all quiet before abruptly abandoning her devoted boyfriend and hiding so deep that no amount of detectives could locate her before she (presumably) sucidally gave birth alone and did the whole dump-in-gutter thing.
And leaving the kid behind and well taken care of means that it could pop back into her life at a later date
Yeah, but dumping it in the gutter to get gnawed by rats means it pops back into her life at a later date REALLY REALLY PISSED OFF.
And any police force not composed of cretins would surely have traced her via the kid's DNA and arrested her on her new yacht. Whereas there must be SOME discrete adoption agencies on future-Earth, given how spectacularly they seem to have failed to enforce reliable contraception despite everyone living for hundreds of years and the planet being so overpopulated there isn't a blade of grass left...
better just dispose of it
True, but Jazz claimed (admittedly not entirely convincingly) that she did MEAN someone to find and rescue it before the rats took a nibble...
Fitz and Anji both have TARDIS keys? That are isomorphic?
Not according to Adventuress of Henrietta Street: 'Something borrowed: the key to the TARDIS. Anji and Fitz had become joint guardians of this most powerful totem [once the Doctor was busy dying].'
The half-and-half kid on the cover looks nothing like how the kids are described.
Yeah, the Doctor claims 'the children were as ghosts' in Adventuress, which they DEFINITELY aren't on the cover.