My god - NO-ONE'S got anything to say about The Book of the Still?! It was the unexpected treat of the year! Read, read! And once you've read it, perhaps someone can explain the bit at the beginning. You know...the bit where Carmodi's saying how much she loves Fitz, because THAT sure as hell doesn't fit in with the rest of the book.
If only it were available in the US, Emily, I'd read it. :-(
Okay, I just finished reading it.....
I'm going to need some time to digest it.
Good book, though. Even if the end makes zero sense. But then, that's par for most time paradox stories.
'Inadequate; Put the Book back on the shelf?' blares the headline in the DWM review. I was about to savagely attack the reviewer when I realised that some idiot editor had obviously extracted a word out of context and his conclusion was actually 'if not a memorable read, then at least an immensely likeable one.' (Can't really argue about the lack of memorability seeing as I don't remember a •••• thing about it.)
What I DIDN'T like was the reviewer whinging that 'For every great moment, like the Doctor learning to dance as a bomb counts down to detonation, there's an excruciating comedy scene...For every fantastic idea, such as the Bedouin settlement perched on the surface of the Sun, there's a predictable chase. And for each interesting character...there are another two dull cliches' - sorry, but even if that's true (did I mention I can't remember) SO BLOODY WHAT? This is Doctor Who. In the PRE-New Series days. Was there a single story, even a single all-time classic, where these things DIDN'T apply? Even City of Death had all that chasing round Paris. What exactly is WRONG with excruciating comedy, chase scenes and cliched characters? How many OTHER EDAs have ANY brilliant original ideas?
Dammit, why hasn't Ebbs done more in Who? A great-but-uneven first book bursting with ideas should have led to many more books with the teething problems ironed out.
'You probably think that time travelling is a glamorous escapade, all heartbeats, breathlessness and big chandeliers. It isn't. It's a three a.m. trawl through the cat litter of history using your bare hands as shovels' - but this is the Whoniverse! OF COURSE it's a glamorous escapade!
FITZ is 'someone mundane that doesn't leave behind a trail of wrecked planets and bad cases of heartbreak' - the HELL he is!
'Somewhere in his hind-brain, survival instincts were kicking in, amines and corticals were flooding into his panic centres causing an ugly flower of anxiety to unfurl in his gut' - he's THE DOCTOR. Of course they aren't.
'Given my position and standing within not only this slice of this galaxy but, I've been told, the universe as a whole...' - WHO told the amnesiac loser!
They just put male and female prisoners in the same CELL?
'Unlike the sewer smells of the other cells, this cell smelt of - of...rain. Rain and cold air.' I'm sorry, I'm not quite swallowing this Doctor-as-air-freshener thing.
'The Doctor...consulted a helpful printout that had spewed from the TARDIS console just as they were landing' - since when has Sexy provided such amenities?
'Who'd travel this far up the arm to clear up this mess?' - anyone who fancied making billions providing this super-rich society with functioning sewers, I'd've thought.
They 'shoot you on sight' for picking anything up off the rubbish-tips. Yet the Doc just gets a trial and a mere 20 years in jail for stealing one of the planet's most prized and well-guarded artefacts?
'I say we've lucked out here, four hours and nobody's stuck so much as a pointed finger in our direction. That's got to be some sort of record. I vote for sticking around' - Fitz. Seriously? According to Eleven it's only 'every other day' that they have...adventures.
What makes Rhian so sure this godforsaken excuse for a legal system would GRANT her appeal and let her go?
'The Rat's Kettle, as its appellation suggested, was a bit of a slum. The Room Service clerk tried to warn her off going there at all, or at least to not go there alone. What choice did she have?' - Er...you could try PHONING THE POLICE and telling 'em your friend had disappeared in very suspicious circumstances and you think you know where?
'If we could get into the TARDIS perhaps we could find a book to look it up in' - whatever happened to Sexy's new-found ability to print you off any info you fancied?
The Doctor didn't even try to find someone to help get the TARDIS turned over?
'There was a grim authority in his voice that Rhian could not have imagined being there before' - why not? She'd seen his 'ferocity' earlier, hadn't she?
Why doesn't Anji CHECK THE SCANNER before leaving the TARDIS? Not only does she know she's got crazy killers after her, she's also recently pissed off a LOT of rioters...
'It's going to kill everything on the planet' 'One bomb couldn't do that' - really? This SERIOUSLY high-tech, spare-faring civilisation has never heard of, or even imagined, a REALLY POWERFUL BIG BOMB?
Rhian actually expects the Mayor to a) have HEARD of her and b) remember all the facts about her case...in the middle of a planet-exploding crisis?
'I knew I should have gone for the gold card option' - well, why didn't you? Seeing as you had inexhaustible (fake) funds.
'He had assured her that the TARDIS would repair itself in time, but they couldn't wait for that' - well, it would have been a better idea than taking a really slow spaceship to a planet whose planet-exploding bomb they then couldn't stop COS THEY HADN'T GOT THE TARDIS. (At the very least they could have placed the Old Girl aboard said stupid spaceship.)
'The TARDIS only made that [room] for me that morning, bless her cotton socks' - how would the Doctor know? He hadn't BEEN inside the TARDIS for SEVERAL days.
'The Doctor was a hopeless dancer' - really? Human Nature (Tennant version) implied his body remembered how to dance even if he'd got amnesia.
Why don't the Unnoticed switch on their Wave Interruptor a lot earlier?
The Doctor and Rhian get aboard the spaceship HOW, exactly?
'At some point in your future, you become a time traveller and you are stranded with the Unnoticed. You have a future. I could not let you die on Antimasque.' - THAT'S the Doctor's reason for letting the ENTIRE PLANET of Antimasque blow up? Cos if he returned to defuse the bomb Rhian would insist on coming with him and IF he failed, she'd die and her personal timeline would get a bit screwed up?! Maybe New Who's 'time can be rewritten' attitude has caused me to get a bit blasé about such matters, but that's a SERIOUSLY stupid excuse for letting a lovely world go boom.
So while Svadhisthana is advancing towards the Doctor (in a VERY confined space), Rhian has time to hesitate, get yelled at, freeze up, and untie the flex around Gimcrack's wrists...in time for Gimcrack to reach Svadhisthana before HE reaches the Doctor? (Alright, given that they're all hang-gliding onto the surface of Earth's sun inside the pages of a book at the time, this possibly isn't the LEAST plausible thing going on...)
Why is it EARTH'S sun, anyway? Why can't we just GET AWAY FROM BLOODY EARTH for two minutes?
Why DOES the Doctor snap Anji's head off? And why does she think that him being unable to keep a lid on his emotions is 'unheard of'? He must have shown SOME emotion sometime in their last fourteen books together, even if I can't think of any occasion offhand.
There are just WAY TOO MANY scenes of Our Heroes getting punched in the face/kidneys by the three thugs. It gets boring.
'In the TARDIS he was used to his clothes becoming magically clean overnight' - in which case, why would Eleven stick his dry-clean-only clothes in the washing-machine...?
So how did Carmodi know that Fitz - a time traveller, exactly what she needed - would answer the gigolo-advert anyway?
Remind me why the thugs are so desperate to get their hands on the book? What with it being pursued by some SERIOUSLY nasty (i.e. planet-destoying) monsters?
'If she meets herself...don't let them touch' - leaving aside the question of whether this would be a problem (Mawdryn yes, Big Bang no)...why does the amnesiac Doctor THINK it would be a problem?
'He didn't know if it was the residue of Darlow's memory acids, or the fact that he'd just witnessed the Doctor trying to off Carmodi, but Fitz hesitated. He hesitated about warning the Doctor' - but this SAID that Carmodi now looked so different that Fitz was no longer affected by being programmed to love her!
Why does Rhian put a hand over her MOUTH while passing by the stinking Unnoticed? Surely she'd then have to breathe through her nose, making the stench MUCH worse?
'The floating aliens began milling around, screaming that they had been "left to die" by their comrades' - why did this come as a surprise? Even their slaves knew that 'the Unnoticed are impregnable pragmatists. Once they calculate they have enough breeding stock aboard the ship, they will leave'.
Fitz just happened to be able to reach inside the Doctor's skull and extract the Mindbomb from his brain without doing it any harm?
Why isn't Carmodi happier that her hideous addiction is gone?
since when has Sexy provided such amenities?
Never, that I recall, but I'm sure she could, if she wanted. It's just that the Doctor wouldn't normally appreciate it, and likes to be appreciated.
Yet the Doc just gets a trial and a mere 20 years in jail for stealing one of the planet's most prized and well-guarded artefacts?
Because he's so charming. One look at his magnificent face, and even his worst enemies start making excuses not to kill him, even the Master.
whatever happened to Sexy's new-found ability to print you off any info you fancied?
When she feels like it. Using the Tardis library is probably a bit more reliable.
Why doesn't Anji CHECK THE SCANNER before leaving the TARDIS?
The Doctor's influence. He hardly ever checks the scanner, and it's hardly surprising if Anji copies him as much as she can. Wouldn't you?
how would the Doctor know? He hadn't BEEN inside the TARDIS for SEVERAL days.
But he's got a mental/symbiotic link with her. They're not exactly constantly chatting, but she can probably make him aware of important things, if she feels like it.
It's just that the Doctor wouldn't normally appreciate it,
THIS Doctor probably would. What with the amnesia, and all. Even if the cretin DID misread the red lines on Sexy's map as 'go to this exciting place!' not 'Danger, keep away!' (I WAS gonna complain about her using red instead of mauve, only of course her Thief WAS stuck on Earth for over a century and doesn't remember anything of his life before that, so it was really unusually sensible of her to go with the pathetic human delusion that red=danger.)
One look at his magnificent face, and even his worst enemies start making excuses not to kill him, even the Master.
Unlike the Master, no one on Leberswelt shows the remotest sign of being in love with the Doctor. Even the pseudo-Companion he inevitably picked up there is shrieking blue murder at him for rescuing her, and everyone else just likes to lock him up and/or punch him in the kidneys.
whatever happened to Sexy's new-found ability to print you off any info you fancied?
When she feels like it. Using the Tardis library is probably a bit more reliable.
Still, quite hurtfully cynical of the Doctor to just ASSUME that Sexy's (admittedly unprecedentedly) helpful streak won't last another five minutes.
The Doctor's influence. He hardly ever checks the scanner, and it's hardly surprising if Anji copies him as much as she can. Wouldn't you?
Ooh, interesting question. If it was the Ninth Doctor, OF COURSE I'd emulate his delightful habit of screaming 'Stupid APE!' at people before getting someone else to do all the tiresome work of planet-saving. But THIS Doctor, much as I love him...I'm not so sure. He keeps losing stuff. His memory and his heart, for starters. Maybe, in the circumstances, I'd decide to be the helpful, thorough, responsible please-check-the-scanner-Doctor Barbara Wright-style Companion.
Dammit, why hasn't Ebbs done more in Who?
Well, I guess we've been blessed with Greatest Shop in the Galaxy...