More importantly, when is the BBC going to get sued for using a genuine MGM-copyright cartoon character in one of their books? Jasper the cat, better known as Tom (he of '...and Jerry' fame, though not the original 18th century roisterers, you understand).

Steve Lyons is also quite tactful in not drawing attention to the hideous ethnic stereotyping of the 'fat maid'. In the 1990s someone worked out that the character might be racially offensive and redubbed all her cartoons... with an Irish accent.

Believe it or not, Daniel, MGM has begun to re-re-edit the voice back into a Black-sounding maid (though not the original actress).

Can anyone tell me how come Squeak is alive and well at the end, and if he can be, then why can't Scrapper be?

Well, it's not as if ANY of these characters ought to be alive and well, by the laws of physics. No reason why they can't come back from the dead, I suppose. Going by the gibberish laws of that ludicrous planet. I think it was him and not Scrapper because everyone really wanted Squeak back (either for his own sake or to ameliorate Jasper's guilt) whereas no-one except Boss Dogg gave a toss about Scrapper.

If there's one thing I like as much as (possibly more than) Doctor Who, it's cartoons, so this book was ready made for me. I admit that the concept was not exactly fresh (see "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" if you don't believe me), it still was a fun, fast read. Though why Fitz was sexually attracted to Penelope Pitstop is beyond me.

Now, Betty Rubble--that's a hot item!

Hey, Fitz has got to be sexually attracted to SOMEONE and better Angel Falls than a giant pig or a giant dog or most of the other alternatives on that planet.

Who's Betty Rubble - or shouldn't I ask?

I KNOW you're just doing that 'possibly more than' stuff to wind me up - I will NOT rise to the bait.

Uh, ever hear of 'The Flinstones', Emily? Classic 1960's show set in the stone age? It's only been in re-runs these past 40 years! Betty and Barney Rubble were Fred and Wilma's next door neighbours. How can you not know about such a thing? Don't have a TV, or something?

No, I'm just stating my preference. I do have other interests besides Doctor Who, you know.

Terrence just provided a fine (if rude) summary of who Betty Rubble is.

I've heard of the Flintstones. I think I've even heard that one of the characters is called Wilma. But her next door NEIGHBOURS...that would be taking things too far. I mean, I don't know who the DOCTOR'S next-door neighbour is most of the time...

He does have that 'no fixed abode' problem most of the time. The Flintstones, however, tended to stay in the same place and their neighbours were a constant fixture. And they had a cat - or a sabre-tooth tiger anyway...

Right, Barney and Betty were in every single episode, and the fact that they were next-door neighbours is irrelevant. They might as well have lived with Fred and Wilma. I mean the whole show was built around Fred and Barney doing stuff that Wilma and >Betty< wouldn't approve of.
The sabre-tooth tiger was rarely seen other than the credits since it was Dino the dinosaur that was their main pet.
I just figured that Emily must have had a childhood that involved tv and cartoons, and not always books. It boggles the mind.

Thanks, Terrence. You've foiled Daniel's fiendish scheme to try to trick me into watching this...thing...by claiming its got a cat in it. (Not that it would have worked anyway. Well, not unless I was feeling REALLY moggie-deprived.)

I've worked out how I heard of this Flintstones nonsense: Red Dwarf. There's a bit in one of the books (and TV, for all I know) where the Cat and Lister are lusting after Wilma, and decided she'd never leave Fred. So you can blame Red Dwarf for not mentioning the neighbours.

My childhood involved books, more books, lots more books, plus Doctor Who. What more could any brat want?

Cool.

Steve Lyons is also quite tactful in not drawing attention to the hideous ethnic stereotyping of the 'fat maid'. In the 1990s someone worked out that the character might be racially offensive and redubbed all her cartoons... with an Irish accent.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

If there's one thing I like as much as (possibly more than) Doctor Who, it's cartoons

You did NOT say that.

DWM review: '...Two of the most shocking deaths in Doctor Who. Lyons invests each individual demise with such a degree of repulsive horror that we forget that we are reading about cartoon animals' - well, YOU might forget. Personally, I feel that the fact the evil cat-torturing rodent was RESURRECTED kinda gave the game away.

Well, I obviously took it better than I did first-time-round, it took surprisingly long for the whole thing to get tiresome, well, leaving aside the inevitable cat-harming and eye-gouging anyway...

'The pig farmer performed an angry double take, eyes bugging out of their sockets' - ah yes, you know, I really had hopes that THIS was Crooked World doing its duty in the eye-gouging stakes, in an unusually (thanks to its cartoon nature) civilised manner...And 75 pages later when 'The cat sat up, shook its head until its eyeballs fell back into place' I was still attempting to convince myself that Steve Lyons had found a happily light-hearted way of fulfilling his (apparently) contractual duty...and then, a hundred pages after THAT, we get 'A wiry cat sprang out...found a brown fox and dug its claws into its eyes.' Because OF COURSE it did.

'He couldn't quite believe it. He couldn't believe that he was looking at an armed and dangerous pig - and a humanoid pig, at that' - my, how things change when New Who comes along and it's surprising if you DON'T meet a humanoid animal.

'Anji had no idea what most of the controls did, although she had watched the Doctor operate them many times. It often seemed to her that they had different functions each day, almost as if they varied according to his mood (or their own?)' - is that TRUE?

'The contents [of the TARDIS library] were arranged in no order whatsoever' - didn't Christmas on a Rational Planet claim the Doctor once spent TWENTY YEARS organising Sexy's library?

SHOULD the magic creatures, pianos etc WORK inside the TARDIS?

How did the stupid bird rip Anji's earring out without hurting her?

Boy, this hates cats. It's chock-full of the likes of 'Sebastian the cat has been hit in the face again with the ironing board' 'several of the guests had sneaked up to his basket, picked up his tail between them and plugged it into the wall socket' 'he screamed as, red-hot now, the saucer was jettisoned horizontally from the toaster, to blaze an unerring path towards his open mouth' (Obviously this happens to ALL creatures but the Feline Liberation Front are quite correct, they're the main victims). And then mortality arrives and you get 'The crowd panicked, and three dogs form the Anti-Cat League took the opportunity to spring upon a small, white kitten and tear it apart'. Thanks a lot, Doctor. And Steven Lyons.

'I don't know why you should be sorry, honey, it's hardly your fault' - I know Angel's pretty thick but she was SITTING RIGHT THERE when Anji said Oh •••• it's all our fault (or words to that effect).

Say what you like about this particular TARDIS crew, NONE of them would have introduced the concept of 'chewing gum and spitting' to the Crooked World.

'"Now which one of you's responsible, huh? Huh? Who spread the idea that it's OK to swear?" "Fitz," sighed the Doctor and Anji in unison' - that's a little unfair, the New Who Docs have been known to drop the occasional 'Bloody' and the Eighth Doctor is always swearing in Ancient Gallifreyan in the novels....

The Eighth Doctor rubs his hands and pulls at his lip on a regular basis?

He's also super-fast at healing in a way Time Lords obviously AREN'T or Romana wouldn't have been so surprised at Adric's spidery super-powers.

'The quantum multiverse is full of conflicting forces, Anji. White holes, black holes, wormholes. Strong forces, weak forces, gravitic forces. Reality itself is pulled this way and that...in some places, in some entire universes, it's stretched too thinly and the fabric becomes weak...You'd be surprised how parallel evolution...And of course, a quantum echo of Earth across the dimensional -' - and also, he seems to have forgotten that he's got amnesia.

'"You think it was created?" "I think there has to be somebody behind it, yes. Don't you?" "I don't know," said the Doctor, as if it had never occurred to him before' - and has he had a LOBOTOMY or something?

The Food Machine produces TABLETS? Whatever happened to the white-Mars-bars? (Also, whatever happened to Thomas Brewster nicking it back in Five's day?)

'Finally, she made use of the toilet facilities. She had been starting to worry about the lack thereof in Zanytown' - on the one hand, this contradicts Interference's claim that Companions don't need to go to the loo, on the other hand Rose certainly does (Only Human novel plus Jack assumes she's 'taking a leak' in Parting Of), plus Anji HAS at least gone an awfully long time without needing a loo.

'It doesn't take a great deal of rational thought to conclude that the existence of an omnipotent creator of life is a scientifically unsound concept' - I can't believe a ••••••• member of the Scooby Doo gang has a better grasp of such basic facts than THE TENTH DOCTOR in Satan Pit - ''Anji felt she owed it to her nominal religious beliefs to put forward a counter-argument, but she really didn't feel like it' - also...WHAT counter-argument?

'"So the hero can sneak in," he explained lamely. "Like in the films." "Hmmm." The Doctor clearly had no idea what he was talking about' - he didn't watch FILMS during his century-long exile on Earth?! Where did later Doctors get their extensive knowledge of popular culture from, then?

'Fitz threw his hands over his head and balled himself up, screaming in anticipation of pain, as fiery smoke exploded from the exhaust vents of the rocket. There was no time to escape, nothing he could do. The only thing that saved his life - saved everybody's lives - was the Green Ghost's ignorance of physics' - actually not, judging by Tenth Planet and Crimson Horror, either rocket-launching-flames or knowledge-of-physics is FREQUENTLY lacking, and not just on cartoon worlds either.

'"Our first clue," said Thelma, "was when 'God' was confused by our theological conundrums. A real omnipotent deity would have been able to answer them." "Instead," said Harmony, "he told us all to 'sod off'"' - how many deities DO actually solve theological conundrums, though? My memories of the Bible are most along the lines of 'Hello I'm a burning bush and I'm gonna ••••••• KILL you if you keep worshipping that golden cow' not 'Yes I can/no I can't create a boulder too heavy for me to lift.'

Oh sure, so SQUEAK'S back from the dead just fine the nasty bullying RAT, what about the LITTLE KITTEN THAT GOT RIPPED TO PIECES?

Killing a cat, or any animal, really bugs me.

Hell, yeah. If you want to dissolve a tenth of humanity in acid (Eternity Weeps) fair enough (well, aside from the continuity problems of a tenth of humanity NOT getting dissolved in acid in 2003 in any other story, well, unless THAT'S why New Who Doctors are always claiming the current population of Earth is considerably lower than it should be) but why do the sodding Who novels have to murder cats all the time? (And yeah, ANY animal really. Leave them the hell alone you gits.)

He's also super-fast at healing in a way Time Lords obviously AREN'T or Romana wouldn't have been so surprised at Adric's spidery super-powers.

For what it's worth, Five twisted an ankle one evening (The Peterloo Massacre) and it still wasn't OK by the next day. (Though I suppose some Doctors could be better at healing than others? Hartnell was very...hobbly. JODIE! seemed worse-affected at being caught in an explosion than her Strays. Capaldi's blindness was permanent (well, as permanent as anything IS in Moffat's Whoniverse) though his eyeballs couldn't have been THAT screwed up or regeneration energy wouldn't have done any temporary good...?)

He's also super-fast at healing in a way Time Lords obviously AREN'T

See also: Audios: Fourth Doctor: The Day of the Comet.