This was one of the books that I enjoyed in spite of itself. It was fun reading it, but I knew I couldn't stop long to think about the plot or the whole thing would collapse into a soggy mess. Which didn't stop the critical process after I was done....

I admit, I resisted groaning aloud after the "I hate you!", "I hate you more!", "Let's have sex!" cliche popped up. Authors--please stop doing that! It was old in the 40's!

Also, stories about the mystical qualities of math don't quite inspire me, as I have difficulties doing arithmatic without a calculator. I just don't see the ecstacy in prime numbers.

I didn't mind the Brig's cameo appearance, though I did keep expecting him to show up and provide some useful hint or something.

I'm not a doctor (MD, that is), but even I figured out that our math-slinging hero Ethan had a tumor the first time the Doctor made a worried face. Isn't that always the cliche?

How does one stand still but still give the impression of moving, to the point you have to be held down?

If the Doctor really wanted to mess with the aliens, why didn't he just throw a bunch of marbles around their crop squares?

Why did the aliens' effort to reach our universe cause the imperfect time loops? And did they return to their correct form after all was done? This sure seems like a long way to go to explain the typo on the junkyard door in "Remembrance..."

Speaking of hiccups, did one of them cause Michael Hutchinson of INXS to not kill himself? This novel was set in 2003 (farmers are gloating over mad cow disease in the US), yet in our world MH died in 1997.

I knew I couldn't stop long to think about the plot or the whole thing would collapse into a soggy mess.

Whereas I was worried that it was my brain which'd collapse into the soggy mess if I thought about it. Maths - not my strong point.

I didn't mind the Brig's cameo appearance, though I did keep expecting him to show up and provide some useful hint or something.

Well, quite! I don't insist that the Brig atones for his UNIT-day uselessness by saving the world every time he appears post-retirement, a la Battlefield, Dying Days, Spectre of Lanyon Moor, etc etc, but I do expect him to do something. ANYTHING! Even making a cup of tea would have been an improvement!

How does one stand still but still give the impression of moving, to the point you have to be held down?

You've just gotta be able to sense the soul leaving. Which is tricky, what with the soul not actually existing. I'm not just speaking as a don't-believe-in-that-soul-nonsense atheist here, I'm saying that the Doctor literally didn't have one. If those Excelis audios (not to mention my memory of them) is to be believed, it got nicked by that gold lame handbag in a previous regeneration, and the Seventh Doc doesn't notice its absence till way after his Ace days.

If the Doctor really wanted to mess with the aliens, why didn't he just throw a bunch of marbles around their crop squares?

The only possible explanation is that he didn't have any marbles in his pockets. Which would not only be somewhat unDoctorish (I seem to remember much scattering of marbles in Space Pirates and Robot) but would contradict Alien Bodies. Unless the Doctor just wasn't feeling at one with the lining of his jacket that day.

This sure seems like a long way to go to explain the typo on the junkyard door in "Remembrance..."

Especially as this was explained FAR more satisfactorily in Interference.

The curse of the TV Movie strikes again - someone refers to Leonardo as 'Da Vinci'. Okay, it is the villain but even so...

This one had such potential with the Brigidier and the time loops and flips, and history altering slightly.
Then it just felt like the Ace and Ethan Show, despite plenty of scenes with the Doctor.
I can't see Ace being remotely interested the way she was portrayed when Ethan was trying to explain how music can be turned into mathematics. I was reading his explaination, and he lost me. Ace gushed over him like he was her favourite rock star.
And speaking of her checking out an INXS concert, this would seemingly place the story prior to Michael Hutchence suicide in 1997, but I did some research and INXS remained a band after his passing. Jimmy Barnes, Terrence Trent D'Arby, and Jon Stevens were in the group, until the tv talent series saw J.D.Fortune take over lead vocals. Either way, since Ace was from the late '80's, the poor girl was in for a nasty surprise when she showed up to see Hutchence, but saw one of his replacements.
The Doctor didn't even need his famous marbles to use circular objects to interfere with the crop marks. All he just needed was a handful of coins!
Chapter 27 consisted of four paragraphs with tied up loose ends, and swept away any meaningful send-off (for now) between the Doctor and the Brigidier.
Poor Brig; why include him? Just bring back Bamberra for a cameo, since the role was so simplistic.
Not really 'the curse of the TV Movie', but a foreshadowing of it: the Doctor confesses that he wishes that a future regeneration is handsome. Well, considering the reputation of his Eighth body I think that wishw as fulfilled.
And wasn't he very open about his life and experiences to strangers like Ethan and Molecross? We called him 'Doctor Who' for a long time because we didn't really know alot about him. Here, despite the tendancy of the Seventh Doctor to be a little more mysterious than his predecessors, he reveals more about himself than even my own boss knows about me!

I can't see Ace being remotely interested the way she was portrayed when Ethan was trying to explain how music can be turned into mathematics. I was reading his explaination, and he lost me. Ace gushed over him like he was her favourite rock star.

I s'pose if you fancy someone you pretend to find their boring hobbies fascinating. Especially if you're Ace, who must know that she won't have to put up with the tedium for long - any potential boyfriend won't last five minutes before dying horribly.

Not really 'the curse of the TV Movie', but a foreshadowing of it: the Doctor confesses that he wishes that a future regeneration is handsome. Well, considering the reputation of his Eighth body I think that wishw as fulfilled.

True. Even if 'handsome' is such a boring and unDoctorish wish compared to Tennant's desire to be ginger...

'He didn't believe in ghosts because he didn't believe in God' - what an extraordinarily stupid statement. What have the two got to do with each other, exactly? I'd think god-botherers would be even LESS likely to believe in ghosts than the rest of us. They don't feature in any religious afterlife-hierarchy that I remember.

'That's not possible, Sergeant,' says the Brig on p145. 'That doesn't sound very complicated' says the Brig on p146. Make up your mind! And since when has he 'always saying that nothing is impossible'?

Why does the Doctor let himself get beaten up by Brett?

'I get involved with a prat anyway, only he's about 40 years older than I am' - why is this accepting Happy Endings' sick claim that Ace lost her virginity to Savalom Glitz...whilst ignoring Happy Endings' list of Ace's other lovers - on which this Ethan guy did NOT feature?

'A paean to the New Adventures...which feels peculiarly out of touch with the current BBC house style...of character-led fantasy. Rose packs in all the NA cliches - Ace has steamy sex, the Doctor uses her boyfriend in his plan, there are strong SF overtones, and the Doctor confronts the monsters in Cyberspace...' - DWM review. Aha! THAT'S why it felt so...off. Well, that and the wretched maths, obviously.

I admit, I resisted groaning aloud after the "I hate you!", "I hate you more!", "Let's have sex!" cliche popped up. Authors--please stop doing that! It was old in the 40's!

But it's not like it's old for WHO. The only other occasion I can think of is Tegan and whatshisface in that godawful King of Terror, and even then, Tegan and whatshisface COMMENTED on what a stupid cliche it was...THIS is the only time it's done unironically in Who that I can remember...

'A paean to the New Adventures...which feels peculiarly out of touch with the current BBC house style...of character-led fantasy. Rose packs in all the NA cliches - Ace has steamy sex, the Doctor uses her boyfriend in his plan, there are strong SF overtones, and the Doctor confronts the monsters in Cyberspace...'

Um, aren't you forgetting something? Like, '"Ace, did you ever hear the saying that all the things you do in life are a mirror - that when you look at them, you see your face." She smiled. "You must be well beautiful then - all the times you've helped people. Not to mention saving the universe"' - this is SO not New Ace of the New Adventures...

'You know what they used to call that? On Earth? A tune stuck in your head was called a "soundworm"' - no, it was called an earworm (see: Under the Lake).

'The fog occasionally thickened into hard little bits of ice' - fog DOES that?

'"Some historians thought it might have been rabies." "You could find out, couldn't you?" "Well yes, if I wanted to spend months following Poe around waiting ot see whether a rat bit him"' - could've been one of those rabid dawg things, surely? That would be easier to spot.

The pizza is burnt to a crisp but somehow Ace salvages some edible cheese from it? Surely the cheese topping would be the first to go? Also, why is there no smell of burning in the flat?

Ace doesn't know what Prime Numbers are even though she's a mathematical genius (Fenric)?

Ace sees the computer still running and wonders what the Doctor saw on it 'that made him dart out immediately, forgetting everything else' - and doesn't think to LOOK?

'Sin was an alien concept on his home world. But he thought that now he understood what human beings meant when they spoke of it' - blimey, is it TRUE Gallifrey doesn't do sin, and surely the Doctor should have cottoned on to what the word meant a lot sooner?

You didn't ask the taxi to WAIT?

'She was too cowed and bewildered to respond' - ACE?!

'But what good's the circle? It's just a shallow ditch. Something could step right over -' um, this is post-Battlefield! When Ace KNOWS the magic powers of a circle!

'The Doctor, Ethan noticed, was wearing neither coat nor gloves. And his breath didn't mist in the freezing air' - Our Hero may be a bit more immune to weather than the rest of us (see: Tennant running round that Planet of the Dead desert in full costume - Scottish Falsetto Puppets' commentary thereon) but his/her breath still mists (e.g. Fear Her - OK, so it's supposed to be summer but that's not the POINT.)

'"You could have been killed." "So could you have been killed just now." "It's a professional liability."' - gods I MISS the Good Old Days when Death existed, even for Our Heroes, and they didn't, y'know, punch a diamond for four and a half billion years to avoid it...

''"You'd better tell Molecross I don't exist," the Doctor said to Lethbridge-Stewart. "Well, officially you don't"' - yes he does! How else would he become President of Earth for heaven's sake!

'Ethan was surprised at how cold his hand was' - I don't recall the Doctor's NUMEROUS New Who lovers complaining about this...

'Raptures - the last puzzled her and she brought it up on the computer. Something to do with people standing around in their kitchens or wherever and suddenly vanishing. Called to God, some American claimed' - so either this is set before The Rapture audio or Ace has wiped THAT entire fiasco out of her mind, up to and including her sci-fi moppet long-lost brother...

'"Amberglass. Of course. Jerry, wasn't it?" She shot him an amused glance. "Ethan."' - boy UNIT are happy to hand out free info to any conspiracy-nut journo....

'"You gave me your bloody word!" Ethan hissed' - QUITE. Why promise Ethan - the centre of the time-jumps you're investigating - that you'll just...leave him alone?

'If you're from outer space, or wherever -' 'I prefer to say from another galaxy. It's more precise' - oh-kay. I guess THAT settles the whole is-Gallifrey-in-Earth's-galaxy question...which just makes it even WEIRDER that Earth is at the centre of, well, EVERYTHING EVER.

'The human eye, which mine also essentially is' - I dunno if this is contracting the telemovie or attempting to reconcile its human-eyeball rubbish (unnecessary as that's what the Apocalypse Element audio is for)?

'He doesn't drink' - Ace. 'Typical of the Doctor's hospitality that he should keep liquor when he didn't drink' - the Brig. I seem to remember Seven getting rat-arsed in Transit, for starters...

'The Doctor. The Doctor existed. The door to transcendence cracked open again. All would be well, and all would be well, and every manner of thing would be well' - Yeah *blissful sigh* occasionally religion gets it spot-on, doesn't it.

'It occurred to him that he might have said too much already' - no ••••. What POSSESSED him!

I really hate it when the Doctor (or Sarah Jane) censors people for, y'know, TELLING THE TRUTH.

The Doctor is Ace's FATHER FIGURE?

'He ought to have notified the police' - and again...no ••••. 'But the place was so big, and the owner so smooth' - you've got the torture-kidnapping-tape haven't you?! It would take more than SMOOTH to get round THAT!

'"It sounds as if there might be something to it, sir." "That's not possible, Sergeant"' - er...why not? The Brig's experienced a LOT odder than a (human) kidnapping...

To be continued...

'The fog occasionally thickened into hard little bits of ice' - fog DOES that?

Yes, it does, it's called ice fog, different from freezing fog. People used to think that breathing in ice fog was dangerous, they thought the sharp ice crystals could do damage to lung tissue, but they melt too quickly to go this deep.

it's called ice fog, different from freezing fog.

Good old Who, still fulfilling its educational remit into the next millennia...

'Put some clothes on!' 'Oh, this wouldn't bother the Doctor. He's not interested in sex with aliens' - he totally IS - 'I'm not sure he's interested at all. I think his lot reproduce by being woven from DNA or something naff like that' - so you're perpetuating the NAs' Looms stuff whilst sneering at it? I'm not sure that's...sporting.

'I rather like it' - NO SHE DOESN'T THERE IS NO WAY ACE OR ANYONE ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE LIKES COLIN'S COAT.

'"The others on your planet, are they like you?" "No." The Doctor set a plate of pancakes in front of him. "How are they different?" "Oh, homebodies. No sense of curiosity or adventure"' - yeah, it's not like there are thousands of Time Lord Renegades running around...oh wait...

'"So you just travel around doing what? Fixing problems with Time?" "For the most part. You'd be surprised how many there are. Rents, unravelling, undone hems, grease spots"' - I certainly WOULD be surprised if Our Hero's main job was dealing with such things instead of, y'know, alien invasions and mad scientists and suchlike...

'This is the life she's chosen. And I always shield her from the worst of it' - you DO? Since WHEN! I don't recall you shielding her from, say, Daleks or clowns or Cat-People or Fenric...

'"Look," said Ace irritably, "I couldn't find the Brigadier, I knew the police wouldn't believe me, I didn't want to interrupt you searching in case I was wrong, so I did what I could."' - HOW did you know the police wouldn't believe you? At the risk of repeating myself, there's a goddam TAPE of Ethan being TORTURED that would have made for pretty convincing evidence if, to quote Blink, you'd just gone 'to the police, you stupid woman. Why does nobody ever just go to the police?'

'Interestingly, this is one of those cases where having utterly superior technology isn't much use. I can't track two random human beings' - why the hell don't you just plug Ethan into Sexy's telepathic circuits, a la Listen?

'We'll go down to the village, and if we can't find him we can at least have a drink' - with what money?

'Brett wrestled with him, with his stillness, with his leaving. They want him, he thought suddenly, why am I holding him, I should let him go' - er...QUITE. Embarrassing when the baddie foils his fellow baddies' plans and even he is nitpicking WHY.

'Brett hit him again. He hit him for a long time' - and the Doctor just LET him? McCoy's no Venusian Aikido Grand Master Pacifist a la JODIE! but he CAN wield a finger as a deadly weapon...

'They want him dead' - since WHEN!

'The Doctor glanced up at him sympathetically. "I'm sorry I can't regrow the hand for you, but we're not at that stage yet with humans." "'We'?" "My people. There are some medical problems even we haven't solved - though, I admit, not many"' - that's really weird. Time Lords are trying and failing to regrow human body-parts? The Doctor only considers Time Lord medical facilities? (Compare n'contrast with, say, the Doctor taking Peri to Solon when a bird ripped her arm off (or something) in Warmonger.) Plenty of others species have succeeded, going by Benny: The Judgement of Solomon, Benny: Lost Museum or Vienna: Underworld.

'I depend a great deal on improvisation. It's never a good idea to go into a situation with fixed ideas' - um, you do remember you're the SEVENTH Doctor, right? The one who actually...PLANS STUFF?

'How in God's name could they get into the TARDIS at all?' - well, SOMEONE'S forgetting that Greatest Show junk-mail...

'What was that all about? He never apologises' - blimey, is that TRUE?

'If I leave you in the present, Brett or the invaders may find you. I can't leave you in the future because then there will be two of you' - you didn't seem to have a problem with, say, two Osgoods - 'and I can't take you to the future after you're dead because you'll be alive when you shouldn't be' - that's ridiculous, you're always taking Companions into the far future and sometimes they settle there (Mel) or in the far past (Vicki) where they also shouldn't be. Also, why not just capture the bad guys and rely on Ethan to not do anything as pathologically insane as solving the equations if the bad guys aren't torturing him to do so?

'He'd been put through it. People who associated with the Doctor so often were' - that's a real bit of cheek from the Brig, surely practically everyone he's seen go 'through it' have been put 'through it' due to associating with UNIT (and the Fifth Operational Corps) rather than the Doc?

Whatever happened to the food machine producing white Mars bars? Not 'Bourneville [sic] fruit and nut'?

'"Do you love her?" The Doctor's shoulders shifted uncomfortably. "These human emotions... They're very hard for me to comprehend"' - aaaand even now (2004) Russell T God is plotting for Our Hero to fall in love with a peroxided teenage shop-girl...

'"Had plenty of jolly adventures?" "No," said the Doctor. "Interesting, though. The last one, I visited your moon. Also my own mind"' - oh-kay, you're trying to fit the PDAs in before the NAs, sure it doesn't work (see: Ace's list of lovers in Happy Endings. For starters.) but I s'pose it doesn't-work in a non-offensive manner. Except for claiming that Timewyrm: Revelation is in any way INTERESTING.

'Something no other human being will see for hundreds of years. The proof of the Riemann hypothesis' - that's a bit of a reckless claim, isn't it? *Checks* The internet seems to think it's been solved this year. Though other bits of the internet seem to think it hasn't and I sure as hell can't be bothered to read up about this stuff.

''What did the fellow have against telephones? He travelled through time and space in a police call box, yet acted as if phones were some kind of baffling gadget he couldn't figure out' - didn't the Brig work this out for himself earlier in the book? Viz, 'Lethbridge-Stewart had concluded that he simply liked the freedom of no one knowing how to reach him or where he was, or what he was up to'?

Well. That was considerably more readable than I remembered, in its entirely pointless way.

'This is the life she's chosen. And I always shield her from the worst of it' - you DO? Since WHEN! I don't recall you shielding her from, say, Daleks or clowns or Cat-People or Fenric...

It could simply mean that there are worst things in the universe than, say, Daleks or clowns or Cat-People or Fenric...

Fenric is Evil From Before The Dawn Of Time! And Daleks are The Face Of The Devil! And clowns are clowns! The only things technically worse is the Black Guardian and the Doctor didn't shield Ace from him, he'd just kinda...wandered off...

(Cat-People are, of course, adorable and if they want to snack on some Perivaleans, well, what a way to go.)