I've seen this game played in other forums here, so I decided why not. It is basically lines that would never be said on any version of Doctor Who. Here goes:


Fifth Doctor: Cricket!? Yuck, I hate that game!

Tegan: I want to date Nyssa.

Nyssa: Adric's dead! It's party time!

Adric: I want to say sorry for being such an obnoxious know-it-all jerk.

Turlough: Let me tell you how I am working for the Black Guardian.

Sarah Jane: Women belong in the kitchen.

Leela: I faint at the sight of blood.

Tegan (getting laryngitis & not saying anything) ;-) :-D

Adric: I have a badge for mathematical excellence!
4th Doctor: What's 2 plus 2?
Adric: 7!

10th Doctor: I'm the last of the Time Lords.
The Master: There can be only one!
(both pull out swords & fight to the music of Queen)

Captain Jack: I believe in celibacy!

Dalek: HEAL! HEAL! HEAL!

Ogron (anything in Klingon)

K-9: Kill all humans!

Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart: Put down the guns men, I'm sure we can settle this through talking!

Yeti: Fur is murder!

Sutehk: Are you my mummy?

3rd Doctor (holding up the Sonic Screwdriver): This is my boomstick!

Sarah Jane: Oh, Harry, you're so manly! Kiss me again!

5th Doctor: I say we kill them all & let Rassilon sort them out!

8th Doctor: You didn't believe that nonsense about me being half-human, did you?

9th Doctor: (singing) Give me a head with hair, long gorgeous hair...!

6th Doctor: Why yes, I am colorblind. Why do you ask?

Peri: I'm getting breast reduction surgery!

1st Doctor: I'll just go make some tea for everyone!

2nd Doctor: As my giddy aunt used to say, "It's clobberin' time!"

10th Doctor: I wonder how I'd look in a bowtie?

Emily: Enough of this stupid show! When's Star Trek on?

Cybermen: Roger roger!

K-9: The odds of successfully navigating a time storm is...
Doctor: Never tell me the odds!

Mel (to the just regenerated 7th Doctor): Aren't you a little short to be a Doctor?

Time Lord: At the tone the time will be...

Third Doctor: I respect all civil servant. They work hard and deserve my praise.

Fourth Doctor: Jelly babies!? Yuck!

Fifth Doctor: The reason, Tegan, that I can't save Adric is that I don't want to. I hated that obnoxious twit!

Sixth Doctor: Why do I wear this silly coat?

Tenth Doctor: I'm glad Rose is gone. She was really annoying.

Martha: Go on, Doctor, talk more about Rose. I enjoy hearing about her.

Emily: Enough of this stupid show! When's Star Trek on?
Not a good move considering she's now head honcho around here KAM.... funny though....

Leela: Violence is never the answer to any problems.

Nyssa: Forget bioengineering. I want to be a porn star.

Tegan: Forget about getting me home, I want to stay in the TARDIS forever!

Jack Harkness: Sex? Yuck! I think that only married couples should engage in such activities.

Sixth Doctor: Maybe I am a little bit bonkers.

Harry Sullivan: Sarah!? Meh, she can look after herself.

Anybody associated with Doctor Who: These are hilarious!

Yeah, congratulations! MORE! Trouble is, I can't really think of anything that might NOT have happened in our glorious forty-six years.

I mean, I can really see this happening:

10th Doctor: I'm the last of the Time Lords.
The Master: There can be only one!
(both pull out swords & fight to the music of Queen)

There were, after all, Master/Pertwee AND Master/Davison swordfights, and the Simm Master IS very keen on pop music.

And Dalek: HEAL! HEAL! HEAL! WAS pratically what Alpha, Beta, Omega and Human-Dalek Sec said.

K-9: Kill all humans! - Isn't that pretty much what he said when possessed by the Shadow?

Sarah Jane: Oh, Harry, you're so manly! Kiss me again! - OK, that's UNLIKELY, but Wolfsbane DID have Harry half in love with her, and Millennium Shock WAS gonna have 'em MARRIED of all things.

8th Doctor: You didn't believe that nonsense about me being half-human, did you? - well, that's pretty much what every subsequent Doctor was saying. Silently. But loud and clear nonetheless.

10th Doctor: I wonder how I'd look in a bowtie? - well, he DOES wear a bowtie at every available opportunity...

Fourth Doctor: Jelly babies!? Yuck! - Invasion of Time. 'One grows tired of jelly babies. One grows tired of everything...except power.'

Fifth Doctor: The reason, Tegan, that I can't save Adric is that I don't want to. I hated that obnoxious twit! - I've always considered that particular thought was behind his breezy 'Cheer up girls, let's take a holiday!' attitude at the beginning of Timeflight...

Tenth Doctor: I'm glad Rose is gone. She was really annoying. - aaaaaaaaaaand again...he wouldn't SAY that but I'm getting deeply suspicious of the number of times he attempted to dump her in alternative universes. I.e. in Doomsday AND Journey's End...

Martha: Go on, Doctor, talk more about Rose. I enjoy hearing about her. - she did more-or-less say that in Utopia - 'Good old Rose'. Albeit in DEEPLY sarcastic tones.

Nyssa: Forget bioengineering. I want to be a porn star. - well, she DOES 'sweep from lover to lover' in the PDA Asylum...

Tegan: Forget about getting me home, I want to stay in the TARDIS forever! - She DOES almost say that at the beginning of Black Orchid, despite the fact two minutes haven't passed since she spent the whole of The Visitation screaming to get to Heathrow.

Harry Sullivan: Sarah!? Meh, she can look after herself. - well, if him swanning off without so much as a goodbye at the end of Zygons wasn't saying PRECISELY this, I don't know what is...

Emily: Enough of this stupid show! When's Star Trek on? - ah, now THAT one I can't nitpick...

Rose: The Doctor? Oh, I'm SO over him.

Eighth Doctor: No, I NEVER get amnesia.

First Doctor: I am a Time Lord! From the planet Gallifrey! I walk in Eternity! And I can regenerate!

Third Doctor: Neutrons don't HAVE a polarity, everyone knows that!

Ninth Doctor [yawning]: Daleks? Yeah, they are vaguely annoying...

Any alien ever: Let's not invade Earth. It's a rather boring planet. And VERY well-defended.

Ninth or Tenth Doctors: Since we're madly in love and spending the rest of our lives together, Rose, can I ask you out on a date?

Victoria: Scream? I never scream!

Liz Shaw: Of course, Doctor, I'll be happy to just make tea while you do all the science.

Sarah Jane: I need a good strong man to protect me.

Adric: So, Nyssa, wanna go on a hot date/

Nyssa: In your dreams, Swamprat.

Fifth Doctor (end of Warriors Of The Deep) Woo hoo! I'm glad they're all dead! Let's go and find more people and aliens to destroy.

The Master: Boy, I sure come up with some lame plans.

Sixth Doctor: Peri, can you forgive me for treating you so badly. I'm so ashamed.

Wilf: (trapped in booth) Leave me!

Tenth Doctor: Okay (leaves)

Wilf: Hey...(ZAAAAAP!)

But HE SAYS THAT!!!!!!!!!!! He SAYS 'Alright, then I will'...he just doesn't *howls in anguish* follow through by leaving...

The Doctor: WHatever you do don't touch that button! STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!!

Random alien planet rulers: ok.

Alonso: Do you know what I'm thinking now?
Jack: Yes I do!
Alonso: Not really, I was thinking if I'd played my cards right I could've had Kylie Minogue...


Eleventh Doctor: GERONIMOOOOOOOO!
Native American Indian: Yes?

Fourth Doctor: I'm so upset over those people in the lighthouse. I only wish I could more than just spout some rubbish poetry...
[dedicated to Tim McCree]

Thanks, Rodney. Ah, you're not gonna let this go, are you.

Anyway...

The Master: Why do I keep putting on these stupid disguises?

Commander Maxil (played by Colin Baker in Arc Of Infinty): Execute the Doctor!? These orders are totally wrong and I refuse to obey them.

Nyssa: Why do I keep being left in the TARDIS while the rest of you get to go out and have all the fun?

Adric: (Four To Doomsday) I really don't trust that Monarch.

Tegan: (also Four To Doomsday) Now, I must keep my head and not panic here.

The Master: "Why can't I come up with a decent plan to defeat the Doctor...?".
Jack Harkness: "I've decided to join a Monastery, & become a Monk...".
The Master of the Land Of Fiction: "Just who wrote wrote up this Jack Harkness character, anyway...? He's totally unbelievable...".
Rose Tyler (to 10th Doctor): "I'm sorry Doctor, but I preferred your previous self...".
Mel (To newly regenerated 7th Doctor): "So the Master's now going to be played by the Phantom Flan Flinger, I Take it...?".

Rassilon: We Time Lords should accept our fate with grace and dignity.

Gwen: Get away from me, Owen, I will NOT sleep with you, EVER!

Sarah Jane: Ech, Doctor, why did you come back into my life. Truth me told, I never really liked you.

Nyssa, Tegan, Romana, Leela, etc: How come Sarah Jane gets her own series, but we don't!?

Ace: I never touch anything explosive. Much too dangerous.

Peri: Hey, why did the Time Lords leave me here with this nutcase, Ycranos!?

Time Lord Victorious: I'M COMING, ADRIC!!

Lord President Borusa: "Perpetual Immortality is a trap, & I refuse to fall into it...".

Nyssa (To Tegan): " There's something odd about Turlough, that I just quite can't put my finger on...?"

Peri (to 6th Doctor): "I've decided to wear more modest, & practical clothing...".

6th Doctor: "Peri's Alive...!!!".

Nyssa (wearing a tight rubber bodysuit & high heels, to 5th Doctor): "How does this look on me, Doctor...?".

3rd Doctor: "Of Course, I know that Neutrons do not have polarity, being a neutrally charged particle... However, the flow does have a polarity...".

Thanks, Rodney. Ah, you're not gonna let this go, are you.

I hereby give Rodney Hrvatin notice that he's restricted to TWO gratuitous criticims of Tom Baker's behaviour in Horror of Fang Rock per year. Any further ones will be DELETED.

Jack Harkness: "I've decided to join a Monastery, & become a Monk...".

I can actually picture that happening quite easily.

I can also picture him being ejected a week later, having ensured that every Monk in said Monastery had broken his vow of chastity...

Rose Tyler (to 10th Doctor): "I'm sorry Doctor, but I preferred your previous self...".

She did say that ('Can you change back?' 'Do you want me to?' 'Yes.') but she got over it pretty fast...

Peri: Hey, why did the Time Lords leave me here with this nutcase, Ycranos!?

I'm fairly sure that's the gist of what Peri would have said. (And not just because Bad Therapy claims as much.)

Time Lord Victorious: I'M COMING, ADRIC!!

We indeed have much to thank Captain Adelaide Brook for. She did not sacrifice her life in vain.

Nyssa (To Tegan): " There's something odd about Turlough, that I just quite can't put my finger on...?"

What, she WASN'T saying that for the duration of Terminus?

3rd Doctor: "Of Course, I know that Neutrons do not have polarity, being a neutrally charged particle... However, the flow does have a polarity...".

Oh. Really? I should stop thinking I know ANYTHING about science...

I hereby give Rodney Hrvatin notice that he's restricted to TWO gratuitous criticims of Tom Baker's behaviour in Horror of Fang Rock per year. Any further ones will be DELETED.

Phew- at least I can still criticize the Doctor's behaviour in Fang Rock. Can't even remember a character called Tom Baker...

Jack Harkness: Get away from me, Ianto, I don't swing that way!

Fourth Doctor: I wouldn't be caught dead wearing that silly scarf and hat.

Jamie: Aye, I'm glad to be away from Scotland, I hate that place!

Ace: Stop calling me by that silly nickname, my name is Dorothy!

Dalek: Killing is wrong, we should respect other races.

Fifth Doctor (Four To Doomsday) That's it, Tegan, you've gone too far. Trying to steal the TARDIS and leaving us to die!? (boots her out the nearest airlock)

Phew- at least I can still criticize the Doctor's behaviour in Fang Rock. Can't even remember a character called Tom Baker...

You know PERFECTLY WELL that we refer to incarnations of Our Hero by the name of their Earthly avatar as often as we do by their number. (At least it spares much tedious rehashing of Brain of Morbius arguments.)

Jack Harkness: Get away from me, Ianto, I don't swing that way!

Well, the reverse certainly happened. Ianto made it clear he was fanatically devoted to his girlfriend, he threatened to sue Jack for sexual harassment for so much as saying he looked good in a suit, not to mention all that swearing-of-undying-vengeance-for-Lisa stuff...Torchwood has NEVER made it clear what's so great about stop-watches that they caused the greatest u-turn in human history.

Ace: Stop calling me by that silly nickname, my name is Dorothy!

She actually did that in the Colditz audio. Only it was even worse - she demanded to be called 'McShane'!!! Well, Big Finish quietly dropped THAT after a few episodes of toe-curling embarrassment.

Fifth Doctor (Four To Doomsday) That's it, Tegan, you've gone too far. Trying to steal the TARDIS and leaving us to die!? (boots her out the nearest airlock)

Now you mention it...why didn't he? Not an airlock, obviously, but didn't he threaten to eject Tegan from the TARDIS crew for pouting a bit about Kamelion? So why not over the time she endangered her colleagues and the whole of Earth?

Adric: "Has anybody got a Pocket Calculator, I can borrow...?".

Jo Grant: "The sequence begins 3.1415926...".

Ace: "Doctor, the Nitro-9's perfectly stable... Stop worrying..." (F/X: Sound of explosion)

4th Doctor (Thinks): "I must get rid of this scarf, my feet keep getting entangled in it..."

Sixth Doctor: Bloody hell, why do I look like Maxil, the twit that tried to kill me!?

Turlough: Go home!? I love Earth!

Rose: Hell with the Doctor, Mickey is the guy for me!

Mel: Scream, me? No, you must be thinking of someone else.

4th Doctor: Hmm, no, on second thoughts, I don't like the Princess Astra look. Romana, go change back into that Opera Singer.

Peri: Try and strangle me would you? <headbutt>

6th Doctor: Peri, I don't care what Michael Grade says, we ARE going to Blackpool.

Davros during Rememberance of the Daleks: That DJ's good, turn the volume up.

Lines you didn't hear in Genesis Of The Daleks


Nyder: You know, Davros, I think you're totally crazy, and I'm not going to obey you anymore!

Gharman: You know, I think Davros might be trying to double cross us.

Davros: The Doctor is right, I am nuts. I'm gonna convert the Daleks into a force of good.

Kaleds and Thals: Make peace, not war.

The Doctor: Why would I want to destroy the Daleks. I love the big salt shakers!

Here's a bunch of ones I posted on another board over the last few years.

5th Doctor: Tegan. Close your mouth and keep it closed. Stop flapping your lips. Give your tongue a rest. In other words, shut up.

4th Doctor: No, you can't have a Jelly Baby! They're mine!

3rd Doctor: So I said to my good friend, Mao Tse Tung, "Slaughtering the artists is a good idea. There is such a thing as too much freedom."

The Daleks: (singing) We love you. You love we.

The Cybermen: Which way to Jiffy Lube?

An Ice Warrior: Luke, I am your father.

6th Doctor: Yes, I am color blind. Why do ask?

Turlough: How can you almost drown with those two 'floatation devices'?
Peri: Hey, silicon's heavy.

Adric: You're right. A badge for mathematical excellence doesn't mean much.

4th Doctor: Would you like a Beanie Baby?

Daleks: EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN- Awwwwwwwww, aren't they cute?

Cyberleader: Oil can! Oil can!

An Ogron: Today is a good day to die.

1st Doctor (to Susan): One day, I shall return, and if you believe that I have some swamp land in New Jersey to sell you.

A Rutan: What is tapioca pudding?

An Ogre: Boy, am I stoned.

Ace: Doctor, it would be wrong to blow that up.

The Minotaur: Come, join the dark side.

Sarah Jane Smith: Who needs Women's Lib?

Jamie: A kilt? No, this is a nice plaid skirt I picked up in Harrods.

Peri: Doctor! Your celery has turned purple! The must be a deadly gas in here!
Turlough: Sorry. I had beans for lunch.

The Master: With this device, Doctor, I shall make the monster grow.
The Doctor: TARDIS, it's morphing time!

Costello: So Who's on first?
Abbott: The Doctor, of course.

Doctor: Well, let's let Zygons be Zygons.

General Raven: So Doctor, would you like to take a ride in my little tank?

Doctor: Oh, no! K9's got rabies!

Cyberman Commercial: Do you suffer from underarm oxidation? If so, try Roll-On Rust-Proofing...

Jamie: Doctor, why do the Cybermen use Cybermats?
Doctor: To wipe the dirt off their shoes.

Zoe: Jamie, what's worn under your kilt?
Jamie: Nothing's worn. It's all in perfect working order.
Zoe: Because it's never been used?

Brigadier: Chap with the wings, send him a Hallmark card.

Brigadier: Chap with the wings, five rou...
Aide: Three, sir.
Brigadier: ...three rounds rapid.

Brigadier: Chap with the wings, five rounds... slowly.

Susan (to Barbara & Ian): Grandfather's all right, just be sure to leave his ring alone.
The Doctor: My Precioussssssssssssss...

Brigadier: Doctor, Godzilla is attacking London!
3rd Doctor: Oh. Really. Um... well, I've got something in my TARDIS to take care of him. (The Doctor & Jo climb in the TARDIS which fades away with a wheezing & groaning sound)
Brigadier: Doctor? Doctor!
3rd Doctor: So, Jo, how about a vacation on Metabelious III, the fabulous blue planet?

Daleks: Narf, poit! What do you want to do tonight, Davros?
Davros: Same thing we do every night, Daleks, try & take over the universe!

Cyber Leader: Actually I am a babe.

Doctor: Who are you?
Master: Sometimes I'm a telephone repairman; other times I'm a Sufi mystic; sometimes I'm Nyssa's father, but my true identity is the warrior of evil, Cutey Master!

Bumper Stickers
On Bessie: My other vehicle is a TARDIS

On a Dalek: Honk if you hate the Doctor

On a Cyberman: Just say NO to gold

On a Dalek: They'll take away my death ray when they pry it from my cold dead claws

On the TARDIS: I (heart symbol) K9

On the Master's TARDIS: Lose inches, ask me how

On a War Machine: How's my driving? 1-800-555-Wodn

On a Cyberman: Outline of a Cybermat with Mr. Goodwrench written inside

On the Whomobile: I brake for Companions

On the TARDIS: Don't be phonin' if this be wheezin' and groanin'!

Great work!

3rd Doctor: So I said to my good friend, Mao Tse Tung, "Slaughtering the artists is a good idea. There is such a thing as too much freedom." - Yeah, Pertwee was ASKING for that one!

The Cybermen: Which way to Jiffy Lube? - sorry, you'll have to explain this.

Costello: So Who's on first?
Abbott: The Doctor, of course. - AND this. AND all that messing around with 'Five Rounds Rapid'.

Daleks: EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN- Awwwwwwwww, aren't they cute? - obviously that's EXACTLY what would have happened had a Dalek ever met a kitten...

1st Doctor (to Susan): One day, I shall return, and if you believe that I have some swamp land in New Jersey to sell you. - Oh, how mean - no, actually...Hartnell was asking for that one...

Doctor: Oh, no! K9's got rabies! - wouldn't put that past the production team, who were CLEARLY running out of excuses for K9 to break down every story.

Brigadier: Doctor, Godzilla is attacking London!
3rd Doctor: Oh. Really. Um... well, I've got something in my TARDIS to take care of him. (The Doctor & Jo climb in the TARDIS which fades away with a wheezing & groaning sound)
Brigadier: Doctor? Doctor!
3rd Doctor: So, Jo, how about a vacation on Metabelious III, the fabulous blue planet? - that more-or-less happened in Spearhead From Space...

Zoe: Like duh, I'm so stupid.

Victoria: **lost my voice from all that screaming**

Ian and Barbara: Susan? Nothing strange about her.

Emily - Great work!
Aw, shucks... :-D

Abbott & Costello were a couple of comedians famous for their routine Who's On First?

Jiffy Lube is a garage type franchise in the US for people who want quick oil changes for their cars.

Brigadier: Chap with the wings, send him a Hallmark card.
Hallmark is a company that makes greeting cards & people usually send them to friends.

Brigadier: Chap with the wings, five rou...
Aide: Three, sir.
Brigadier: ...three rounds rapid.
A ripo... homage to the 5/3 confusion in Monty Python & the Holy Grail

Brigadier: Chap with the wings, five rounds... slowly.
That would be the opposite of rapid.

Emily - that more-or-less happened in Spearhead From Space...
Although I believe that was early in the story before the Doctor knew what the threat was.

Earlier responses that I forgot to answer
10th Doctor: I wonder how I'd look in a bowtie? - well, he DOES wear a bowtie at every available opportunity...
Whoops! The way everyone refered to Matt Smith as bowtie boy I just assumed Tennent didn't wear them.

And Dalek: HEAL! HEAL! HEAL! WAS pratically what Alpha, Beta, Omega and Human-Dalek Sec said.
Never saw those eps.

K-9: Kill all humans! - Isn't that pretty much what he said when possessed by the Shadow?
Forgot about that.

A ripo... homage to the 5/3 confusion in Monty Python & the Holy Grail

Should've got that one! LOVE Holy Grail!

that more-or-less happened in Spearhead From Space...
Although I believe that was early in the story before the Doctor knew what the threat was.

Does it matter? It was clear there was alien activity, which BY DEFINITION involved the conquest/enslavement/destruction of Earth.

Benton: Sir, Geneva called…
Brigadier: Geneva, what's that?
Benton: It's a city in Switzerland, but that's not important right now…

4th Doctor: So, Adric... do you like Gladiator movies?

9th Doctor: The Time War was horrible, there I was, Rose, over Galifrey…
Rose: Over Galifrey?
9th Doctor: I'll never be over Galifrey!

Reporter:What is UNIT?
Brigadier: It's a multinational organization dedicated to stopping dangerous alien invasions that the general public is not supposed to know about!
Reporter: What do the letters UNIT stand for?
Brigadier: I'm sorry, that's classified!

3rd Doctor: Surely you realize the aliens will betray you as well?
Master: No they won't & don't call me Shirley!

Aha! Do I recognise a certain Airplane! influence...?

David Tennant: Hey, everyone, I was just kidding about leaving Doctor Who. Actually, I've signed on for five more years.

YOU *******.

Simms Master: Drums? What drums? I hear nothing.

Tenth Doctor (End Of Time): I'm sick of this body. Can't wait until I regenerate.

Rassilon: Gallifrey rises!

Time Lords: Dude, must you spit every word?

SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE OF SEASON 5/31:

Amy: Bow ties are cool.

River: Alright, sit down, Doctor, I've drawn this diagram to explain our exact relationship from start to finish...

Amy: Raggedy Doctor? SO over him.

Doctor: Alright, I admit it: I look like a dork. Bow ties are out. Fezzes are out. The geography teacher look is out. Anyone got the name of a good tailor?

Liz 10: Gosh, I've spent three hundred years utterly unnecessarily torturing humanity's saviour. Maybe I'd better abdicate. Properly.

Amy: I love you too, Rory.

Doctor: Who do you think I am, Tinkerbell? Of course you can't bring me back just by shouting "I BELIEVE IN THE DOCTOR!"

Dalek: MERCY! MERCY! Would you like a cup of tea?

(Oh, wait...)

The Doctor: I will now tell the full story about the Time War, from start to finish. I will leave nothing out.

The Doctor (about the Time War): I used classified information to contact the future or for classified information... But when I hadn't heard from classified information for a week I thought something was wrong. And then classified information... I was so shocked that I classified information, but there was no classified information... What should I do?

The Doctor: I will tell you about the (REDACTED) of the (REDACTED), from (REDACTED) to (REDACTED)...
I will (REST OF CURRENT STATEMENT REDACTED FOR SECURITY REASONS)...
I used (REDACTED FOR SECURITY REASONS) to contact the future, or for (REDACTED FOR SECURITY REASONS)...
But when I did not hear from (REDACTED TO PROTECT SOURCE) for a week, I thought something was wrong.
And then,(REDACTED FOR SECURITY REASONS)...
I was so shocked, that I (REDACTED TO PROTECT LOCATION), but there was no (REDACTED TO PROTECT LOCATION)... What should I do ?

Emily: Colin Baker is the absolute best Doctor ever. Way better than Eccelston or Tennent.

>>>(REDACTED TO PROTECT LOCATION)... What should I do? >>>

Follow the money?

The 9th Doctor: "Don't be special, be one of us." Newsflash: I am special, and I will never be one of you!

The Master: Let's hook up and just bring fiery death!

Brigadier: I will deploy my ordnance to the ground.

The 4th Doctor: It gets redundant. How many times can you wake up and struggle to remember your name, her name and when and where you are?

Jackie: If you're a part of my family, I will love you violently! If you infiltrate and try to hurt my family I will murder you violently!

Ice Warrior: I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars!

Van Statten: Sorry my life is much more bitchin' than yours. I planned it that way.

Margaret Blaine: It's been a tsunami of media and I've been riding it on a mercury surfboard!

The 6th Doctor: If you borrowed my brain for five seconds you'd be like, "Dude! Can't handle it! Unplug this bastard!"

The Master: Society was written for normal people! People that don't have tiger blood and Adonis DNA!

The 1st Doctor (after leaving Susan): She is an absolute traitor and she must be banished! She will be living under a bridge, toothless and confused!

Rassilon: What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high preists, Gallifrey assassin Time Lords!

Davros: Resentment is the rocket fuel that lives in my Daleks!

The 11th Doctor: I'm still alive, which is pretty cool!

For those of you who will be baffled (yes, Emily, I'm talking about you) the above was a parody of Charlie Sheen, who has seemingly gone insane and torpedoed his career.

That's Emily has a clue who Charlie Sheen is.

Thanks because I didn't get them at all, but at least figured there must be some reference I was missing.

'I can produce magnificent quantities of lactic fluid!' - yup, THAT'S the least likely thing you'll EVER hear a Sontaran say...

Not so much a Line you'd never hear, but I had watched Blink, then the local PBS station played an episode of The Chase & I found my self thinking of Hartnell saying Tennant's line...

First Doctor: Ah, yes, my dear boy, this is my... timey-wimey detector! It goes... ding when there's... stuff!

Sontarans: Make love, not war! Give peace a chance!

Dalek: WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS?

Cyberman: Oy, I've got rust in my joints, metal fatigue and an iron deficiency!

Tenth Doctor: Oooh! Is that a gun? I love guns!

Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart (arriving at the Pearly Gates): Chap with the wings, five rounds rapid!

Harriet Jones: It was just some aliens wearing bones & I knew if I just let them go they'd never come back, but then I thought, you know, "Kill 'em!"

Judoon: I am the Law!

Doctor: Oh, no! This lock is deadlock-sealed! (pause) Hand me the bazooka!

Actually NONE of these are unthinkable any longer...though obviously the Dalek would be lying to lull us into a false sense of security...

Besides, we've already seen Daleks asking for a cuddle....

Clyde: 13 Bannerman Road is where Sarah Jane Smith used to live... and now everything must go! Want some Sonic Lipstick? We've got it! Want a tin dog? We've got one! Need an extra-terrestrial super-computer? Make an offer!

Yeah, THAT one I have difficulty picturing...

Doctor #2 is my favourite

And OF COURSE Susan is adopted!

Doctor #9: Hmmm.... I might stick around a bit longer

Doctor #10: On second thoughts, I won't tinker with the laws of time...

Doctor #11: I wear lederhosen now.... lederhosen is cool...

Arc Words: The writer's block has fallen! Your companion will get a bad haircut & you will stub your toe!

Dalek 1: This is the perfect plan!
Dalek 2: High five!
(Both realize they don't have hands, eyestalks droop sadly)

Cyberman: If you cut me, do I not bleed? (pause) No, of course not. Stupid question, really.

Was watching the scene where the Doctor rejects possible looks for his third incarnation & wondered how the scene might play if it were possible to go back in time & use photos of future Doctors.

(Picture of Colin Baker comes up)
Doctor: Too fat!
(Picture of Sylvestor McCoy comes up)
Doctor: Too short!
(picture of Christopher Eccleston comes up)
Doctor: Too bald!
(Picture of Matt Smith comes up)
Doctor: You want me to wear a fez?

BALD! My Eccy wasn't BALD!!!

>BALD! My Eccy wasn't BALD!!!

No, but compared to all of his other incarnations, that Doctor definitly was hair challenged.

=8)

CHALLENGED?

He has the PERFECT amount of hair!

It's all the others who have TOO MUCH!

Flop-haired wusses...

Tenth Doctor: I'm not just a member of the Hair Club for Time Lords, I'm also the Lord President!

Fourth Doctor: Sarah Jane, have you seen my curlers?

The TARDIS, fleeing to the end of the universe with Jack clinging to her: GetitoffGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!!

Wasn't that exactly what she WAS screaming to herself?

Yeah, but we never HEARD it.

After the eleventh Doctor regenerates into a woman having an uncanny resemblance to Donna Noble, and as panic sets in as he-she more and more frantically examines him-herself:

What? WHAT?! WHAT!?!?

Oh. I SO hope that's EXACTLY what we'll see...one day...

11th Doctor: Amy and Rory are gone for good. WOO HOO! I was so sick of them. Come on, River, let's go to Paris.

Well, that IS practically what happened when it came to Adric...

...And after all, who wants to live with their parents-in-law forever?

It'll be interesting to see if Matt feels like mentioning the Ponds any more than he does Rose...

The Doctor: "Hmmmm, I miss K-9. I might just locate him in London and see what he's up to...."

Eleven: "Fezes are lame"

-----

Amy: Please wait while I put on a more modest skirt.

Doctor: Ah, it's my good friend, Captain Kirk!
Kirk: Hello... Doctor... what's...up?
Dalek: EX-TER-MIN-ATE!
Kirk: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (dies)
Emily: Best. Crossover. Ever!

Captain Jack: Doctor, how good to see you!
Doctor: Did you think I wouldn't find out?
Captain Jack: Find out about what?
Doctor: What you did in Starling City!
Captain Jack: Uh, that was one of the things that the Time Agency forced me to do...

Obligatory Emily Explanation
John Barrowman plays the big bad on the series Arrow.

The Melancholy of Susan Foreman

Kyon: Just like that I was in Coal Hill school and that's when I met her.
Susan: I'm Susan Foreman! I'm only interested in aliens, time travelers, espers and sliders! That is all!

And all the episodes are shown out of order. ;-)

First Doctor (to a new series Doctor): Yes, yes, yes, you have perfect control of the TARDIS now! But in my day I had to fly the TARDIS through a 20 mile, snow-filled, time vortex uphill, both ways!!!

The Twelfth Doctor: Do you think the fishnet stockings, feather boa and sparkly eyeshadow are too much?

You're right, the First Doctor would NEVER have said such a thing! (I just wish I could be as sure of the Twelfth Doctor, though if s/he IS a woman maybe she won't look quite so silly in fishnet stockings...?) Hartnell doesn't even seem to have HEARD of the Vortex...

To quote Robert A. Heinlein...

'Before their periods women behave the way men behave all the time.'

Better every twenty-eight days than EVERY DAY.

Gallifreyans are not humans. We don't know if that particular aspect of human female physiology also applies to them.

In honor of Peter "[BLEEP]ing" Capaldi, Doctor quotes with added cursing.

First: One [BLEEP]ing day I shall [BLEEP]ing return...

Second: Oh, my [BLEEP]ing aunt!

Third: Reverse the [BLEEP]ing polarity of the [BLEEP]ing neutron flow!

Fourth: I'm a [BLEEP]ing alien, I walk in [BLEEP]ing eternity.

Seventh: Evil! [BLEEP]ing evil from the [BLEEP]ing dawn of time!

Ninth: This is it, I'm [BLEEP]ing off now!

Tenth: This is my [BLEEP]ing timey-wimey detector, it goes [BLEEP] when there's [BLEEP].

Apologies if I went over the [BLEEP]ing line.

The Master: Hello, sweetie!

K9: Spoilers!

Apologies if I went over the [BLEEP]ing line.

Are you kidding? I [BLEEP]ing loved it.

LOL!!

A few more

Eleventh: I curse now. Cursing is [BLEEP]ing cool!

Fourth: Harry Sullivan is a [BLEEP]ing imbecile!

Fourth: Sleep is for [BLEEP]ing tortises!

Fourth: Would you like a [BLEEP]ing jelly baby?

First: No, you can't change time! Not one [BLEEP]ing line!

Fifth: Why don't I have any memorable quotes?

Sixth: Who needs a memorable quote when you have a memorable coat!

Eleven's final line: I'm dying now. Dying is cool!

---

Ian: And then Susan tried to tell me that war comes between 8 & 9.

---

The Doctor: The rich and powerful have always stolen people's planets. We steal them back for you.
*onscreen flash pictures of various companions and words describing their job*
Leela - "Hitter"
Zoe - "Hacker"
Captain Jack - "Grifter"
River Phoenix - "Thief"
The Doctor - "Brains"

---

Not really a line, but I couldn't think of any other place to put it.

On the timey-wimey day of Christmas the First Doctor brought to me one line that could not be changed!

...the Second Doctor brought to me two giddy aunts and...

...the Third Doctor brought to me three reversed polarity neutrino flows,...

...the Fourth Doctor brought to me four jelly babies,...

...the Fifth Doctor brought to me five pieces of celery!,...

...the Sixth Doctor brought to me six garish outfits,...

...the Seventh Doctor brought to me seven cunning plans,...

...the Eight Doctor brought to me eight Master remains,...

...the War Doctor brought to me nine dead Daleks,...

...the Ninth Doctor brought to me ten time-crossing cell phones,...

...the Tenth Doctor brought to me eleven "hand Doctors",...

...the Eleventh Doctor brought to me twelve cool fezzes,...

... the Twelfth Doctor brought to me thirteen "we-don't-f***ing-know-yets,...

D'oh!

er... a clever psuedonym by River Song... *shifty eyes*

Dalek: BUR-NI-NA-TION!

The Doctor: Help! I've twisted my ankle again!

Barbara: Just make us a pot of tea, Doctor. Do you think you can do that?

Torchwood ending credits: They crash him and his body will burn, they smash him, but they know he'll return, Captain Jack the indestructible man!

The Doctor: Help! I've twisted my ankle again!

Actually I can really picture that, as long as the Doctor in question is Hartnell...

Barbara: Just make us a pot of tea, Doctor. Do you think you can do that?

AND that! Barbara has the guy wrapped around her little finger. I'm rapidly coming round to DWM's view that she's his first human-girl crush.

Torchwood ending credits: They crash him and his body will burn, they smash him, but they know he'll return, Captain Jack the indestructible man!

If the Torchwood team aren't singing that at the end of every adventure, they OUGHT to be!

Doctor: Hey, Sara, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.
*pulls out Dalek*
Dalek: EX-TER-MIN-ATE!
*shoves Dalek back in*
Doctor: Time to get a new hat.

End of Arc Of Infinity...

Tegan: Looks like your stuck with me.

The Doctor: Oh c**p!

We may, technically speaking, never have HEARD that line, but frankly the Doctor's face said it all...

Emily posted this line from About Time: "Weirdly, the Cybermen's inflection occasionally sound rather American..." which just brought the following lines to mind...

Cyberman: Howdy, I'm here ta convert y'all.

Cyberman: Round up them there cybermats!

Cyberman: It's the Doctor! String 'im up!

Female Doctor: Run!
Companion: Which way?
Female Doctor: Huh? No, I've got a run in my stocking!

Female Doctor: Well, I'll just go make some tea while you boys stop the alien invasion.

Companion: Doctor! Aliens are running rampant over London! Aren't your ready yet?
Female Doctor: For the sixth time in two hours, I'll be ready in a few minutes!!!

Companion: Doctor, why's your email part of this Ashley Madison leaked list?

The Doctor is TOTALLY an adulterer. Just look what he was getting up to with Marilyn Monroe whilst married to River...

Now that we know that large proportion of women listed on Ashley Madison weren't real, perhaps we can apply the same logic to McGann's list of former companions in 'Night of the Doctor'?

I would LOVE to.

Unfortunately I'VE HEARD THEM!

Surely it would be, "Oh don't be ridiculous. Pluto isn't a planet any more."

But would someone working for the BBC know this???

(Smeg--Does Emily know this???)

I know that Pluto IS a planet!

(See: Ask the Matrix: Doctor Who and Science. I am SO not qualified to disagree with Francois on this subject...)

Hey, that's my opinion, it's not the official position of the International Astronomical Union. Which just goes to show that even the biggest egg heads can come to pretty idiotic conclusions.

Sorry, Emily--Pluto was a planet.

In a recent decision it was demoted to a dwarf planet.

I'm not totally sure why--I think it tied in with the eccentricity of its orbit, its low mass,and current theories on its origin.

By the way-- some of these same people say that the moon isn't a moon. It's really Earths co-planet in a 2 planet set(on this one I can understand where they're coming from).

Doctor: Oh don't be ridiculous. Pluto isn't a planet any more.
Companion: Would you rather it be the egg of a giant space chicken?
Doctor: What a wonderful planet!

(Although technically, the word planet is a part of the term "dwarf planet" so Pluto is still part of the family, just now sitting at the kids table.)

But would someone working for the BBC know this???

Well, on the one hand the deplanetification of Pluto was huge news at the time, so you'd imagine that someone would have noticed.

On the other hand, the makers of Season Four don't seem to be aware that light has a speed, so we can't assume that they'd be able to grasp a notion that's even more fiendishly technical and intellectually remote.

Doctor: Oh don't be ridiculous. Pluto isn't a planet any more.
Companion: Would you rather it be the egg of a giant space chicken?
Doctor: What a wonderful planet!



the makers of Season Four don't seem to be aware that light has a speed

What! Where?

When the Daleks destroy the universe and all the stars visible from Earth go out at the same time.

Hey, it wasn't just the Daleks! It was the Autons wot put the Doc in the Pandorica and the Silence who blew up the TARDIS and anyway, wouldn't a TARDIS explosion ripple forwards and backwards in time to ensure the stars LOOKED like they all went out at once or, um, something?

From our illustrious moderator circa 2011:

CHALLENGED?

He has the PERFECT amount of hair!

It's all the others who have TOO MUCH!

Flop-haired wusses...

You've certainly changed your tune Emily since Capaldi started doing a Jon Pertwee and grew his hair to almost feral lengths....

Well, whilst THAT amount of hair is PERFECT on Eccy, it WAS rather startling when Capaldi was suddenly looking so SHORN in the middle of Flatline. And that new look of his in the trailers is WONDERFULLY insane...

Bunch of Snakes: By our powers combine into Colony Sarff!

Kate: Ah, double O Clara, we have an assignment for you!
Clara: What is it, K?

Daleks (singing): WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRIST-MAS! WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRIST-MAS! WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRIST-MAS AND A HAPPY EX-TER-MIN-ATION!!!

Doctor: It's the Satsuma Invasion! They're invading Earth through people's stockings!

Doctor: Santa has workshops on a number of different worlds.
Rose: Really?
Doctor: Yes. Lots of planets have a North Pole.

Daleks (singing): WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRIST-MAS! WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRIST-MAS! WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRIST-MAS AND A HAPPY EX-TER-MIN-ATION!!!

http://lyricsplayground.com/alpha/songs/xmas/imgonnaspendmychristmaswithadalek.shtml

Tenth Doctor: I don't want to go!
(regenerates into a duck with a Scottish accent)
Scrooge McDoctor: Awk! Where's my number one dime!

(Tennant has been cast as the voice of Uncle Scrooge in a new version od Ducktales.)

How the mighty have fallen...

Dalek: EXTERMINATE!

Doctor: A Dalek!

Companion: Run, Doctor!

Doctor: Not yet...wait until he yells "Exterminate" fifty more times...then run.

Thirteenth Doctor: Well, I'll just go make the tea.

Thirteenth Doctor: (running from monster, falls) Ow! My ankle!

Thirteenth Doctor: (to male companion) Whew! Thank goodness you saved the day! I didn't know what to do!

Thirteenth Doctor: (to male companion) Whew! Thank goodness you saved the day! I didn't know what to do!

That's pretty much what the Ninth Doctor's saying to the Companion for the ENTIRE DURATION of Season 1/27 of Blessed Memory...

Apologies in advance for some of the following.

Thirteenth Doctor: (looking in a mirror, post-regeneration) I'm a beautiful woman, probably.

Thirteenth Doctor: I have boobs now. Boobs are cool.

Thirteenth Doctor: You thought I was scary as the Oncoming Storm? Well, now it's my time of the month!
Daleks: RUN AWAY!

Thirteenth Doctor: (holding up sonic screwdriver) Why do I feel like naming this Steve?

Thirteenth Doctor: Oh my giddy uncle!

Thirteenth Doctor: Why do I feel like singing a Helen Reddy song?

That's pretty funny, Keith.

Oh, I dunno, the kind of words they're throwing around on Who at the moment, the b-word can't be far behind.

And, let's face it, Rassilon returned to take Gallifrey the moment the Doctor left so the Time Lords may well be after him...

Clearly SOMEONE has never seen Back To The Future...

Oh and THIS comment from 2011 Emily:

CHALLENGED?

He has the PERFECT amount of hair!

It's all the others who have TOO MUCH!

Flop-haired wusses...

Boy you sure changed YOUR tune when Capaldi Doc refused to get a haircut for several billion years....

Well, I'm just going by the evidence. As the evidence changes, so do my views.

It was blatantly obvious in the Good Old Who Days that any good Doctor should have an extremely wild head of hair as well as an oversized nose.

Then that leather-jacketed, crew-cut sonuvadalek turned up to break our hearts and ruin our lives and prove that practically shaving your head was JUST FINE (though obviously the big nose was still a prerequisite).

And THEN, of course, Capaldi grew and grew that hair until his gloriously wild mane made his earliest episodes practically UNWATCHABLE thanks to the hideous mutilation of his poor hair...

But what exactly did they THINK the Doctor would be doing every time they ditched him to play house?

Young Amelia Pond: but the sun'll come out....tomorrow....

Harry: You'd know all about that being a woman.

Let's hope that Harry is not within striking distance of Sarah Jane when he made that comment!

Missy: Come on, Doctor, let's snog!

She DID snog the Doctor. Dark Water.

Actually I can TOTALLY see the Tegan half of the conversation going EXACTLY like that.

Thirteen: I wear a scarf now. Scarves are cool.

Thirteen: I wear a scarf now. Scarves are cool.

But she DOES wear a scarf now!

See Our Glorious New Year's Day Image!

That was the inspiration, but I doubt she'll use Eleven's catch phrase.

Whyever not? Eleven said 'Brave heart Clara' when reminiscing about Tegan and Ten said 'Fantastic' at the end of his first adventure and Eight had the cheek to offer jellybabies and judging by the way she pounced on that fez, Matt was one of the lives JODIE! is feeling nostalgic about, a la Ten telling Five 'I loved being you'...

River: Dad, Dad!
Rory: Yes, River?
River: The dog just ate the pie Mum baked for you for supper.
Rory: Aw, don't worry, River, dear. I'll buy you a new dog.

That's a classic.

The Powers That Be: Giving Jodie a scarf does not mean we're worried about the ratings and resorting to stunts to woo back fans. Oh, and in the next episode we see Chris Chibnall get exterminated by a Dalek.

;-)

Now, if TPTB dyed Jodie's hair brown and curled it, in addition to the scarf...

Bradley-Hartnell: I have the brains of a dead elm.

Thirteen (from offstage): I wonder why I stopped wearing this? (enters wearing Six's coat)
Graham, Yasmin & Ryan (clutch their eyes): Aaaaaaaaahhhh!
Thirteen: Oh, that's why.

That poor coat can't catch a break.

The concept of Eternal Damnation was INVENTED for That Coat.

Revenge Of The Coat

Subjected to all the Arctron Energy of the TARDIS, Six's coat gains sentience and attempts to make all of space and time wear copies of itself. Can the Doctor stop it? Does the Doctor want to stop it? Tune in and find out!

THAT would have made for a more successful Colin Baker story than any we actually got, and for once there would be no complaints as Ol' Sixie shoved it into an acid bath...

Hey, Chibbers, want to run with this idea

Missy (holding a football): Hey, Doctor, come kick the ball!

K9: Here's Joe Cool going to the student union...

River Song: Oh my sweet babboo!

Davros playing a toy piano.

The Doctor: Good Grief!

Pertwee was always saying Good Grief!

Really? Huh. Didn't remember that. However I doubt Pertwee said it in the sighed exasperation that Charlie Brown said it in. (Sadly I could not find a good clip on YouTube.)

*Immediately heads over to transcripts*

Ambassadors, Daemons, Time Monster (twice), Three Docs, Green Death (twice), Dinosaurs (twice), Death to the Daleks, Spiders, Five Docs. (Also a couple of 'Good gracious'es in Spearhead and Ambassadors. And of course 'Great balls of fire!' in Five Docs for some reason.)

You expect me to remember it after a mere 13 times???

Do you think I have a phonographic memory?

It records sound. ;-)

I couldn't remember that Pertwee had said "Good grief" so I went with a punny sound-related joke.

Love the Peanuts references.

Snoopy's doghouse could be a TARDIS, as it's bigger on the inside than on the outside!

Companion: Doctor, how many Time Lords does it take to change a light bulb?
Doctor: None. When the bulb burns out, it regenerates.

How many classic series companions does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, The Doctor does it.

How many RTD companions does it take to change a lightbulb?
Their whole family.

How many Moffet companions does it take to change a lightbulb?
Well, the bulb burns out in the first episode, then the next couple of episodes has a subplot of the companions trying to find a new bulb, then in the final episode, there's a working bulb with no explanation.

A+

(Drones buzzing Gatwick airport)
Grumpy Who Fan: This wouldn't have happened if the Doctor was still male!

;-)

Would that be any more disturbing than 'Look, Solomon. The missiles. See them shine? See how valuable they are. And they're all yours. Enjoy your bounty'?

He was foreshadowing Capaldi.

Pah, not that 'Love is always wise, always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind' hippie WIMP of a CapaldiDoc!

Doctor: Oh, no! We've encountered an enemy more dangerous than the Daleks, Cybermen, and Quarks combined!
Yaz: What is it, Doctor?
Doctor: Teenagers in red hats! Run away!!!

Zargo, Camilla, and Aukon: Bla! Bla! Bla! Ve vant to drink your blood! Bla! Bla! Bla!

Zargo, Camilla, and Aukon: Who are you?
Buffy: I'm Buffy the vampire slayer. Who are you?
*epic fight scene begins*

Davros: I will kill you, Doctor!
Doctor: Ha! Only one of us is walking out of this room! (pause) Oh... I'm so sorry! That was thoughtless of me!
Davros (sobbing): Just... just get out of here! *sniff sniff*

Only one of us is walking out of this room! (pause) Oh... I'm so sorry! That was thoughtless of me!

As if the Doc would EVER apologise! He made fun of Davros's lack of legs in Witch's Familiar and of the hand-that-just-got-blown-off in Revelation. Political correctness has never been a big thing with the Doctor, let alone where Davros is concerned.

Well, this is the "Lines you will never hear on Doctor Who" board. ;-)

Good point.

Queen Xanxia: Who are you?

Vivian: Cessair of Diplos, but you can call me Vivian. Long story.

Xanxia: I'm Xanxia, the former Queen or Zanak.

Vivian: Former?

Xanxia: Well, I just ran into this meddling Doctor *goes on to explain what happened*

Vivian: Me too! *tells Xanxia what happened.

Xanxia: Men!

Vivian: Oh yeah, I hear you. *smiles seductively* So, you destroyed planets?

Xanxia: Yes.

Vivian: Oh, aren't you a bad girl!

Xanxia: Yes, I'm a bad girl. *husky voice* You wanna spank me?

Vivian: And much more. And do wear that sexy nurse costume...


And on that note, I better stop, as this is a family board!

Vince (looks away from the computer screen): Well, Tim's latest fanfic is quite a change from the last one. *gulp*

Yeah, girl-on-girl porn would be something Vince had never seen before, considering that homosexuality was against the law in 1902.

I mean look what they did to poor old Oscar Wilde.

They had Victorian "erotica" and girl-on-girl was written about.

Whether Vince had read any of it...

Jo Grant, on meeting the Matt Smith Doctor.

Jo: I'm sorry, little boy, but what grade are you going into?

She pretty much DID say that, didn't she:

SARAH JANE: Yeah, well, he can change his face.
JO: I know, but into a baby's?
DOCTOR: Oi. Imagine it from my point of view. Last time I saw you, Jo Grant, you were, what, 21, 22? It's like someone baked you.

Come to think of it, Matt can definitely tell people's ages, a knack he somehow mislaid during his next regeneration.

Of course, when Katy Manning and Elisabeth Sladen originally rode in the TARDIS, Matt Smith was not even born yet!

Nyder: Ah, Davros, can I love him more?

The Delgado Master visits 2015;
"I am the Master. You will obey me! You will...obey...ME"
Clara (typical Gen-Xer looking down at her smartphone, and ignoring him); Shut up, shut up, shut up. I'm texting Danny. Get back to me later.

Wait, the cutoff for Millennial is 3 or 4 years before the millennium??? Does nobody put any thought into these stupid names? Baby Boomers were named after a statistical bump in births after WWII, all the rest seem to be pulled out of a hat with little thought.

Oh, well. Getting back on track.

(London is invaded by dinosaurs, yeti, Silurians and Daleks)
London native: Looks fake! Cheap, cop-out computer effects!

Correct, Judi. If Clara is the same age as Clara, she is a Millennial, born April 27, 1986.

At least it doesn't ruin my gag.

Of course Clara is the same age as Clara, duh!

Imagine taking someone, born in 1995 or after, and sticking them in 1980, when their smartphone wouldn't function.

They would be totally lost!

Ding-dong! Helloooo? Helloooo, McFly?!

My boo-boo!

Obviously, I meant to say if Clara is the same age as Jenna Coleman.

Hey, these things happen.

Brigadier: I just got orders from Geneva...
Doctor: Geneva! What's that?
Brigadier: It's the city where UNIT is based, but that's not important right now.

Doctor: The Silurians were the rulers of this planet!
Brigadier: Surely you're not serious?
Doctor: I am serious and don't call me Shirley!

Sarah Jane: Run, Doctor! Run!

I can easily see her - or any other Companion with a few guts* - saying that if, say, she got captured and was being threatened with imminent execution by the baddies if the Doctor didn't surrender.

*Nyssa and Tegan, of course, would be all 'Stay, Doctor! Stay! And sacrifice ALL your remaining regenerations!'

Sarah Jane, Jo Grant, Leela, Romana 1 & 2 singing Spice Girls songs.

Nyssa and Tegan, of course, would be all 'Stay, Doctor! Stay! And sacrifice ALL your remaining regenerations!

If it saves my Nyssa, I'm all for it.

Besides, Emily, if that had happened, no Colin Baker.

A win-win for both of us

YOU DID NOT JUST SUGGEST YOUR NYSSA IS WORTH MORE THAN MY ECCY, MY TENNANT AND MY JODIE!

I'm pretty sure he did

I'm gonna step out of the line of fire now.

Emily: Making the Doctor a woman was a HUGH mistake.

What the hell is a hugh mistake?

Now now. To err is hugh, man.

Agggh, another joke ruined by a typo!

Mind you, this is not the first time I've made this mistake. Must be Freudian thing, "Hugh" was my father's name (and is my own middle name).

Grace: I like my coffee the way I like my men... pale and left out for a while.

Sixth Doctor: I like my coffee the way I like my companions... hot and served in really big cups.

Captain Jack: I like my coffee the way I like my partners... whatever.

Now THAT made me laugh!

Brigadier: Chap with the spoon, five rounds rapid!

Davros: I have made my Daleks even more dangerous... I have replaced their gunstick with a spoon!
Doctor: Good thing I was wearing my brown trousers!

(For those wondering British police had posted a picture of "dangerous weapons" they had confiscated and one of the items was a spoon. Yes, the Brits certainly don't want dangerous people to be stirring up trouble.)

**Groan!**

Hey, you can gouge out people's eyes with those, which should make writers of Doctor Who novels take notice.

Gods, don't give 'em ideas, a spoon's about the one thing they HAVEN'T gouged anyone's eyes out with, that I can remember...(Just checked, thought it happened in Original Sin but that was a beaker ('The Doctor gazed down at it in surprise and dawning horror. Somehow, Pryce had managed to twist the metal of the beaker into a sharp-edged weapon. "If you can't do better than that," he said, "I'm gong to have to remove your eyes."')

I can actually see such a Capaldi/Ashildr exchange. He can be quite ruthless at the best of times, let alone when some crazy ••••• causes him four and a half billion years of torment. Use of the word 'pray' is unusual, of course, but he wouldn't mean it literally any more than Eccy-in-Dalek meant 'For God's sake run' literally.

Just out of curiosity, do you know where that line is from?

Haven't the foggiest.

Prisoner: I heard this wheezing, groaning noise, then heard Epstein say some about a Doctor, a scuffle, then the wheezing, groaning noise again, and silence until the guards discovered Epstein dead.

You know, I seem to remember in the Just War NA the Doctor DID get into a prison cell containing the Nazi who'd tortured Benny, and executed him...

There goes the neighborhood!

You think Harry Sullivan would draw the line at burning one house down? The guy developed enough chemical/biological weapons to wipe out an entire SPECIES (according to The Zygon Invasion/Inversion and Harry Sullivan's War, even if Sarah left it off the glowing bio in Death of the Doctor). Admittedly the species in question was Zygon so, being a bit of a racist-towards-orange-people, I don't have a problem with it, but still...

Fourth Doctor: Well, the hand is on the other foot now, Davros!

Sarah Jane: The pilots are sick.
Fourth Doctor: What was for dinner?
Sarah Jane: There was a choice, fish or steak.
Fourth Doctor: That's right, I had the Jelly Babies.

Fourth Doctor: Brigadier, when will your forces get here?
Brigadier: I can't tell.
Fourth Doctor: You can tell me, I'm the Doctor.
Brigadier: It's just that I don't know.
Fourth Doctor: Well, when will you know?

Fourth Doctor: Three of my other selves are trying to land that alien ship.
Brigadier: Are they okay?
Fourth Doctor: I don't know. They're on instruments.
(cut to the alien cockpit where we see the Second Doctor playing his recorder, the Seventh Doctor playing the spoons, and the Twelfth Doctor playing a guitar.)

Mike Yates: (being chased by dinosaurs) Boy did I pick the wrong week to betray humanity!

The names of Michael Jackson and Bill Cosby have been bandied about as possible Doctors, so...

Doctor: Hello little boy! Would you like to travel with me through space and time?

Doctor: We've landed on Earth's moon. Now let me teach you how to moonwalk.


Doctor: Hello! Would you like some Jell-O Pudding?

Doctor: Hey! Hey! Hey! It's the Oncoming Storm!

Well at least you didn't mention the retcon drug for the latter.

I forgot about Torchwood's Retcon drug. I did consider CosbyDoc giving a companion a drink, but couldn't think of a way to make it funny.

Yeah, that's one of the problems with rape, it's just not funny.

(Well, unless it's that Withnail and I scene with Paul McGann in which case it's bloody hilarious.)

Yeah, pretty much the only time it's funny is if the victim is a [Censored]. If Jeffrey Epstein had been rogered to death by an amorous rhinoceros, so many people would be laughing. "But... *snicker* how did they sneak the rhinoceros... bwah-ha-ha! into the priso... hahahahaha!"

Third Doctor: I'm a master at Anything Goes Martial Arts!

(Twelfth Doctor land at Jusenkyo, falls into one of the cursed springs and emerges as the Thirteenth Doctor)

Five Doctors:

Sarah-Jane: But you became....(indicates big hair and teeth)

Third Doctor: A pompous drunk who pratfalled his way through his last three years, then skipped out on a reunion because of his hurt ego after marrying one of his companions? Well I haven't become him yet.

Sarah-Jane: Thank goodness. Anyway, where are we?

Third Doctor: Show us your t**s and I'll tell you...

12th Doctor: Missy and I are getting married!

Sarah-Jane: But you became....(indicates big hair and teeth)
Third Doctor: A man who'd murder a lighthouse full of people!?!

Sarah-Jane: But you became....(indicates big hair and teeth)
Third Doctor: Harpo Marx?

Sarah-Jane: But you became....(indicates big hair and teeth)
Third Doctor: Colin Baker?!?!?! Noooooo!

Sarah-Jane: But you became....(indicates big hair and teeth)
Third Doctor: I don't know, what do you mean?
Sarah-Jane: Show me your d*** and I'll tell you.

Doctor: They're coming to get you, Barbara!
Barbara: Stop it, Doctor!
Doctor: They're coming for you, Barbara!
Barbara: Stop it! You're acting like a child!
Doctor: They're coming for you! (pause, a figure approaches) Look! There comes one of them now!

What is that in reference to?

You've never seen the beginning of Night of the Living Dead?

Yes I have, but that was a long time ago, I just didn't make the connexion.

It happens at the very start of the film (in both the original and the remake). When Barbara and Johnny are in the cemetery (before the first zombie shows up and attacks).

Just before each Doctor regenerates.

Doctor: MacKlunkey!

Doctor: Barry Allen is a lovely man, but don't get on Ollie Queen's bad side, and if Kara or Clark ask, Krypton was a fixed point in time and I couldn't save it!

That probably happened in that godawful Fourth Doctor: Serpent Crest: Aladdin Time audio.

(Clark Kent runs into a phone booth to change to Superman. Realizes he's in the TARDIS control room)
Doctor (covering companion's eyes): Oy! Do I run into your house and start changing clothes!?!

Dalek: EX-Ter-Min-Ate! (fires)
Clark Kent (looking at his fingernails): Was that supposed to do something?
Dalek: More power! (several Daleks converge and fire)
Clark Kent: Well, it's a very pretty light show, but...
Dalek: Send in the Special Weapons Dalek!
(Special Weapons Dalek fires weapon which destroys Clark's suit revealing the Superman suit beneath)
Dalek: Oh kruk!
(Superman ties all the Dalek guns into knots at superspeed)

Previously unknown Doctor: Actually Doctor, everyone in the universe is just another regeneration of me. There is no other person, life is solipstic.

Yaz: Doctor! We have to stop Retconus before he changes your past!
Doctor (Jodie): Oh, don't worry. My past is a fixed point. It can't be changed.
Yaz: How can you be sure?
Doctor: Ask me some questions.
Yaz: What regeneration are you?
Doctor: 47.
Yaz: When were you a man?
Doctor: I've never been a man!
Yaz: Am I still your companion?
Doctor (puts her arm around Yaz): Show me your **** and I'll tell you.

Something got nuked. The date doesn't match.

To be fair to the Brig, he HAD got amnesia when he implied that Turlough and Hippo caused more destruction than that time the Autons •••• near took over the UK...

Chib-Face: I'm firing all the political activists and hiring real Science Fiction writers.

Doctor: It's my greatest enemy!
Yaz: The Daleks? Cybermen? Teraleptils?
Doctor: No! My greatest enemy is Antiques Roadshow!

Ryan: Grandad's dead!
Doctor: Nah, he's just resting.
Ryan: Look, Doctor, I know a dead grandad when I see one and I'm looking at one now.
Doctor: No, he's just pining for the fjords.

Doctor: It's my greatest enemy!

Chib-Face?

JODIE!: Who are you?
78th Doctor: Yes.

Jodie: Drop the taco and get in the TARDIS!

Doctor Who origin story, as it might be written by Grant Morrison.

(Shot of the first Doctor) Old Geezer
(Shot of the TARDIS) Magic Box
(Shot of a Dalek, a Voord, Koquillion, a Zarbi, a Monoid, a War Machine, & a Cyberman) Evil Monsters
(Shot of kids watching TV from behind a couch) Scared Children

Asking the Doctor for any favor is tempting Fate

Rory: *pointing at Doctor* You choose HIM over ME? WHY?

Amy: I mean… he knows how to wear a tie…

Doctor: *smirks*

Rory: *pointing at Doctor* You choose HIM over ME? WHY?
Amy: I mean… he knows how to wear a tie…
Doctor: *smirks*
Rory: So does Jimmy Olsen!
Amy: Ooooh! And he's a ginger!
Doctor: *pouts*

Police Officer: Okay lady, can you spot the person you saw?
(police lineup with the Eleventh Doctor, Jimmy Olsen, and Buckeroo Bonzai)

Judoon (to a large group of people): Which one of you is the Doctor?
Jodie: I'm the Doctor!
Random Person: I'm the Doctor!
Another Person: No, I'm the Doctor!
Yet Another Person: I'm the Doctor, and so's my wife!

BBC Executive; The ratings are continually going down, the fans have created a backlash unseen before, you've screwed up the background of the main character like no other, two of the companions rae bailing on us, and you made us wait over a year for a nearly season-long stay on Earth instead of having the Doctor travel in time and space.

Chibnall; Which means...?

BBC Executive; We're giving you a raise, of course! And we're going to keep you as showrunner for the next ten years!

Bizarro Superman: Me like upside down and backwards make-no-sense BBC decisions!

BBC Executive; We're giving you a raise, of course! And we're going to keep you as showrunner for the next ten years!

Well, at least that would mean they are committed to 10 more years of Doctor Who.

Capaldi: Clara, you're a horse-faced dog soldier.

Brigadier: Where have you been, Doctor?
Pertwee: Talking with the Silurians in their wine caves.

Inquisitor: You're being impeached, Doctor for colluding with the Vardans.

Capaldi: Clara, you're a horse-faced dog soldier.

I think the expression you were aiming for was "Lying dog-faced pony soldier".

Yep.

Just don't mention the war!

Dodo (in The Ark): I think I picked up a cold in Wuhan.

Tegan; Well, Doctor? Have we arrived at Heathrow?

Doctor; Uh, no. Corvid-19.

Tegan; 'Corvid-19'? Thank God it's not 'Covid-19'!

Doctor (checking his controls): OH, my mistake. It IS Covid-19 and not Corvid-19.

Tegan; Oy.

Adric; Can I get off this Ship, now?

Harry Sullivan; No, you may not! Off to the sickbay with you.

Doctor; Harry! What're you doing here?!

Harry; Well, I never left, you see! Can't find the exit, can I?

Doctor; HARRY SULLIVAN IS AN IMBECILLLLE!

On the Revenge of the Cybermen board their was a discussion of cliches in Terrance Dicks novels, soooooo....

With a lusty look in it's eyes, the gratuitous vampire grabbed the companion and with a wheezing, groaning sound rasped out, "I have you now, my pretty!"
The companion reacted in true feminine style and kneed him in the groin and sprayed mace in his face.

Brilliant.

Very nearly doesn't fit in this thread since Terrance undoubtedly WOULD have got around to that very scene in a future book but seeing as he's dead you get away with it...

To be fair, it's not like Sarah had developed super-duper, almost precognitive powers like Leela.

Of course, the Doctor always ignored Leela's feelings too.

Gods, how did we SURVIVE the patriarchal oppression in those prehistoric pre-JODIE! times...?

Adric; I saved the human civilization by sending a Cyberman ship back in time that wound up killing off the dinosaurs. What was you're greatest achievement with the Doctor?
Ryan; Uh...I brought chips!

But they were really good chips, right?

Tenth Doctor; Ooooh, look! A big red button! Do you know what? I love pressing big, red buttons! In fact, I can't help myself, and I'm going to press that big, red button!
Sixth Doctor; Back off, skinny Doctor! That's not a button, that's my nose!

A TARDIS appears in Emily's garden. Out pops the Doctor.
First Doctor; Oh, dear me, I must try and fix this infernal contraption! You! Young lady! Would you care to lend me a hand and also travel in time and space with me?
Emily; Uh, no thanks. I'll wait my turn. Feel free to come back and ask me again.
First Doctor! Well! I never! Hmf! Hmf!
The TARDIS leaves and returns the next day.
Sixth Doctor; All right, here I am again! Get into the TARDIS with you, and get ready to back in my greatness!
Emily; No.
Sixth Doctor; 'No'? No?! NOOO???!!! Did you really turn me down?! Meee?!
Emily; I did.
Sixth Doctor (shrugs); Fair enough.
Emily; Maybe next time, though.
The TARDIS leaves and returns the next day.
Thirteenth Doctor; Okay, howabout now?!
Emily; YESYESYESYESYESYES! Let's go! YIPPPPEEEE!
Ryan; 'allo, I'm Ryan.
Yaz; Hey. I'm Yaz, the best police officer on the force.
Graham; 'ello. I'm Graham. Can I visit your loo for a titch?
Emily gathers up the Fam and pushes them into a bus headed for Libya, throws a bunch of suitcases into the TARDIS and runs into it. The Thirteenth Doctor just stares at her. Emily pops her head back out.
Emily; Well, come on, come on! I haven't got all day!
Thirteenth Doctor; Coming...
The TARDIS fades out.

*Blissful sigh*

Of course, what I'd ACTUALLY do is accept Hartnell's offer and then repeatedly smash his head against the console until I'd got myself a Tom.

But in my defence, I'd feel really really guilty about it.

The BBC needs to make that into a short Doctor Who video.

The Daleks are sending a time ship to Earth to track and down and exterminate the Doctor in 'The Chase'.
First Dalek; We are tracking the enemy TARDIS. It is heading towards Earth.
Second Dalek; Alert! Alert! There is a second TARDIS in the time vortex! However, it is heading towards the planet Androzani Major.
First Dalek; Ignore it. Follow first TARDIS to Earth.
Second Dalek; A third TARDIS is located! It is travelling towards Peladon! A fourth TARDIS is heading away from Earth and heading for Marinus. A fifth TARDIS has appeared and has landed on the Earth's Moon.
First Dalek; What is happening?!
Second Dalek; Alert! Alert! Now detecting three more TARDISes heading for Earth! Also detecting five leaving Earth! Correction! Eight are leaving Earth and four are heading for Earth! Now detecting TARDISes heading for New Earth, planet of the Ood, Deva Loka, Ribos, Sarn, Jaconda, Frontios--
First Dalek; AAAhhhh! There are too many of them! We are outnumbered!
Second Dalek; Nine more have returned to Earth, but two more are leaving. Correction! There are 38 TARDISes landing on Earth! Detecting TARDISes travelling towards Draconia, Morestra, Ranskoor Av Kolos, Akhaten--
First Dalek; RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! RETREAT! RETREAT!

First Doctor; And to all of you at home, have a very Happy Easter!
Steven Taylor; Who are you talking to, Doctor/
First Doctor; The same people I was talking to at Christmas time.
Steven Taylor; What people?! Who are you talking to?!
First Doctor; Oh, do be quiet, young man! I need to wish the TV people a Happy Halloween pretty soon!
Steven Taylor; The *what* people?!

Guy who destroyed Davros's remaining hand on Necros: I was aiming for his head!

*Guard in acid pit pulls second guard into the acid pit*
The Sixth Doctor (to camera): And that, kids, is why you shouldn't do acid!

Paradigm Dalek (in Notre Dame): The bells! The bells!

Young Amelia, holding up an antique bottle: Is this whiskey or perfume?
Eleven: *grabs bottle and chugs it* It's perfume

Actually, there was a similar scene in the Original Sin NA. Something along the lines of: Seventh Doctor finds Benny sitting in TARDIS bootcupboard/hangar with a glass of amber liquid. 'Benny, you're drinking too much' says Doctor as he knocks back said liquid. Benny: 'That was the shoe-polish.'

Adric: Can you take me to the mall to get a dress?

Doctor: Okay. First of all, I’m so glad you felt comfortable enough to come to me with that, and you know what? If this is something you want to explore-

Adric: Oh, it’s not for me. It’s for Nyssa, but you handled that very well.

Again, can totally see this happening. Adric creepily attempting to dress Nyssa, the Fifth Doctor being all flustered and nice about it.

Also, JODIE! did utter the immortal line in Woman Who Fell to Earth: 'It's been a long time since I bought women's clothes.'

Doctor: Ah, the Empire State Building... last time I was here a giant monkey was climbing it.

Since Roger Delgado was of Spanish descent...

Master: Que?
Doctor: Don't mind him, he's from Barcelona!

;-)

Yaz: This tea has a woody flavor.
Jodie: Thank you, I used golf tees.

Susan (to the Perfect Victim): I'll never marry you!
(Perfect Victim slaps her with a fish)
Susan: Oh, big boy, you know my weakness! (kisses him)

Cameca (to the First Doctor): Spoilers, sweetie!

"We are the Sisterhood of Karen! We'd like to speak to your manager!"

How much Ood could an Oodchuck chuck if an Oodchuck could chuck Ood?
Oodles of Ood

The Swampies from The Power of Kroll carrying signs that read "Green Lives Matter!"

Passer-by: Is that a police box?
Doctor: No, it's a Murphy bed. It's bigger on the inside.

Alien 1: All right, where shall we start our invasion of Earth?

Alien 2: Well Russia and Canda are the two biggest countries.

Alien 1: No, no, too big. We don't want to overreach.

Alien 2: How about the USA?

Alien 1: Are you crazy? Do you know how many guns they have?!?

Alien 2: Okay, something small without guns... Oh, how about this little island in the north near Europe?

Alien 1: Perfect!

I guess I'll sleep in the one that's too soft.

Personally, I would pick one of the harder ones, too soft beds can be murder on the spine.

Doctor: Why are you Cybermen wearing masks?
Cyberman: There's a computer virus going around.

Doctor: Oh, no! I'm surrounded by invisible aliens! *struggles* Oh, no! They've got me!

BBC Announcer: ...and in the next episode we'll have the invisible aliens versus the invisible Doctor and her invisible companion on an invisible spaceship while trying to herd invisible innocent bystanders into her invisible TARDIS! I can't wait to see it!

On The Girl Who Waited board Brad mentions the TARDIS had a karaoke bar and what songs Doctors (& others) would sing just seems appropriate for here.

Hartnell: I Like Big Butts And I Cannot Lie

Pertwee: What's New, Pussycat

Tom: Oh, Lord It's Hard To Be Humble, When You're Perfect In Every Way

Colin: Sharp Dressed Man

Jodie: I've Looked At Love From Both Sides Now

Brigadier: Give Peace A Chance

The Dreamlord: Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These

The Master: Sympathy For The Devil

Amy: Plastic Love

Rose: Working Nine To Five

Tegan: I want to date Nyssa.

Guess you might want to take THAT one back, Tim.

Tegan: Nyssa, don't stay on Terminus! What about our love?

Nyssa: Love? Tegan, you're a b****! I only slept with you because I was horny and Adric was dead.

Turlough: Wait! You could have slept with me?

Nyssa: Turlough, you're half the man Tegan is. Now the Garm... Woof! there's a man! Good thing I like my men hairy! Bye!

---

Jodie: What do you make of it, Yaz?

Yaz: It appears to be a tenth-rate hack cartoonist beaten to death and shoved into a trunk. This note reads, "How dare you write that about Nyssa! I'll get you for it! T.M."

Jodie: Nyssa? I had a companion named Nyssa. (shakes head) Probably a coincidence. This appears to be an ordinary Earth crime with no aliens involved. Let's leave it for the Earth police to solve.

Beautiful.

Obnoxious Woman: I don't like the color of my hair!
Doctor (disguised as a hairdresser): Dye, hideous creature, dye!

Daleks: Dalek lives matter! Exterminate! (blasts humans and buildings)
Yaz: Doctor, are you going to stop them?
Doctor: Nah, they're just peaceably protesting.

Brigadier: Defund UNIT!

Doctor: Approaching Nyssa and Tegan's room. I wonder if Tegan will be up for a moonlit stroll.

Tegan: Voice inside bedroom. Oh yeah, Nyssa! Oh yeah! Lick that whipped cream right down to my *censored*!

Doctor: Does an about face and runs away. Nope!

Brigadier: What happen?
Benton: Somebody set up us the bomb. We get signal.
Brigadier: What?
Benton: Main screen turn on.
Brigadier: It's you!
Master: How are you gentlemen! All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.
Brigadier: What you say?
Master: You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha ha ha ha...
Brigadier: Take off every Zig! Move Zig for great justice!

---

Rory (to Amy): I told the Doctor I was in love with you. And then the Doctor told me what to do.
The Doctor: Oooh eee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang!
Amy: Doctor! Stop speaking Chipmunk!

Just for the hell of it.

All Your Base

Doctor Who in Supermarination

Companion: How do we stop the Cybermen, Doctor?
Doctor: Cut their strings!
Companion: It won't work, they use wires not string!

Brigadier: Chap with the strings, five rounds rapid.

Captain Jack: I got my immortality from the Mysterions.

Doctor: TARDIS is Blue!

I'm sorry Jamie but I seemed to have messed up the relatively simple task of putting your face back together.

He can always rebreak it and try again.

Troughton: I'm sorry, Jamie, for getting your face wrong. I guess all you humans look alike to me.

I'm sorry Jamie but I seemed to have messed up the relatively simple task of putting your face back together.

He can always rebreak it and try again.


Ouch!

That's what Jamie said! ;-)

Brigadier (as headmaster): All right students, I'll give you a choice: sign up for UOTC or five rounds rapid.

---

Adric: Now I'll never know if I was right.
(portal opens up and a cyberman with the face of Arnold Shwarzenegger leans out)
Cybernator: Come with me if you want to live.

Jodi: Kwik 2 thu TARDIZ! Wee hav 2 stahp thu Tipo peeple and there plan 2 destory langwidge thru-out tim and spase!

Eleven [on River]

Music: Boom chicka wow wow!

Doctor Who/Harry Potter mashup

Harry Sullivan and the Sorcerous Stone of Metabelious III

Doctordore: You're an imbecile, Harry!

Doctordore: You must be careful of She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!
Harry: Mary Whitehouse?
Doctordore: I said not to name her!

Harry: Well, what do you say, old girl?
Sarahmoine: I say 'Headio Smacko'!
(Harry gets magically slapped across the room)

Ace: There's always a boom. If not a boom today, a boom tomorrow.

Brigadier: More daka.

Doctor: When it comes to guns, it's fire or reload.

The Master: You'll have to excuse me, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is on.

Tegan: I don't know why I was kicked out of mime school.

Dalek: I don't want to exterminate. I want to sing!

Cyberman: I am the modren man.

What - the - actual - ••••?

Yeah, I must confess to some level of confusion myself.

Brigadier: More daka

Daka??

I think Keith meant 'dakka'.

Emily - What - the - actual - ••••?
Francois - Yeah, I must confess to some level of confusion myself.
Tim - Daka??

*snicker*

Okay. Ace's line is taken from Babylon 5.

More daka (or dakka) comes from a video game & refers to the sound of gunfire.

The Doctor's line comes from the military sci-fi webcomic Schlock Mercenary.

Who doesn't see the Master as a Brony?

Tegan never shuts up.

I think a singing Dalek would be funny.

And the Cyberman line (mispronunciation and all) comes from the Styx song Mr. Roboto.

Who doesn't see the Master as a Brony?

He/she would probably identify with Discord.

Francois, I wonder how the Master reacts to Time Tuner (aka Dr. Whooves)? ;-)

Doctor Who/Harry Potter mashup

Doctordore: This, Harry, is the TARDIS. It's short for Time And Relative Dimensions In Sorcery.

Doctordore: This is the Gallifreyan Sorting Vortex. Just stick your head in to face the Untempored Schism and it'll tell you what House you'll go in, if you don't go mad first.

First Doctor (to Barbara & Ian): Hmmm... tired of the four walls of the classroom, Barbara? Ever dream of a life of romantic adventure? Ever want to get away from it all, Mr. Chesterfield? (motions to TARDIS) I offer you... escape!

I've been listening to episodes of an old time radio show called Escape & found myself imaging the opening as done by The Doctor.

Off-topic, but I loved the 'The Earth Abides' episode of Escape.

Not that the premise was original (there are suddenly a few humans left on Earth), but it was an early example and a well-done one.

Two episodes, it was a two-parter. I think the only one in the show's history.

Sarah Jane and K-9 watching Star Wars, but as soon as Darth Vader appears, K-9 hides behind a chair.

On another board Kevin, I think, mentioned that Daleks only sound right with an English accent, so I was thinking...

New York Dalek: Yo! I'm exterminatin' here!

Southern Dalek: Exterminate, y'all!

Valley Dalek: Like exterminate me with a spoon!

Canadian Dalek: Eh, exterminate off, ya hoser!

Dalek: I want to marry the Doctor!
Cyberman: What a coincidence, I do too!

How unlikely IS that, though?

Both species have this ADORABLE (well, maybe not for Earth, the invariable collateral damage) obsession with the Doctor and maybe - like Missy - they'll eventually come clean about this...

Ok then maybe:

Jack Harkness:Kicking this Auton down a cliff has turned me asexual.

Oliver: You're about as straight as your hair, Steven.
Steven: At least I HAVE hair!

Think Gaia’s Peri comments are seriously pushing the boundaries of good taste. KAM isn’t helping either….

Agreed, I've deleted them, can we just act like this is a child-friendly site (even if mercifully devoid of children).

Read an old joke set-up and found myself thinking of how the Doctors might react to it.

Knock knock.
Who's there?

1st Doctor: Yes, my dear boy.

2nd Doctor: Oh, my giddy aunt! How did you know?

4th Doctor: Yes. The definitive version you might say.

6th Doctor: And not a moment too soon!

The *definite article*

And technically, the first Doctor said it first.

Dodo *holding a Talespin DVD*: Ey, look what I found, Tattletale! It's a cartoon named after your surname!
Steven: ...Huh...

Steven: *is trans* I'd be more comfortable if you guys called me Steven.

Steven's parents: Aww! But must you choose such an old fashioned name? Sure you'd prefer a more modern name like Soldeed!

Steven *talking about the TARDIS*: This thing makes the Flight Red 50 seem like a tricycle!

Soldeed is not a human name.

Yes but it might become so by 2339.

Rutan protestor: The universe has a systemic racism problem. It keeps evolving humanoids instead of green blobs. We must counter this Humanoid Privilige! Green Blobby Lives Matter!

Inspired by a comment of Emily's on The Savages board about aliens dreary habit of looking human.

Steven: Nah, the Ajaxians aren't aliens! They can't be! They must be humans, playing a prank on us. It must be a scam!
Flight Red 50 Crewmember 2: Huh... Trions and Stovians and Tigellans and like half of everyone else?
FR50CM3: Welp, it seems like everyone is just distinguished by names and clothing nowadays.

...

Ajaxian king: Yeah in fact I only realized he was human because his name is Steven Taylor, that's like, a stereotypical name only people on your ignisificant planet would have, here on Ajax we're all called Siput or Pzorias.
Steven: Those aren't names.
Ajaxian king: Of course they are. Almost every species has names like these. I'm King Opzaripullas, and this is my lovely daughter.

...

Ajaxian princess: I'm Princess Akazan and I'm looking to marry. Can I marry a dashing space hero like you?
Steven: Charmed, princess Akazan. I can't believe I'm marrying an alleged space princess! I'm Steven Taylor, pilot of the Flight Red Fifty.
Akazan: Ah! And how are things going on on Planet Taylor?
Steven: I-it's not called Taylor-
Akazan: Same thing and I'd rather pretend it was. Please follow me to my bedroom.

...

Guard: Your crewmembers and the king have been killed by Daleks!
Akazan: Oh no!
Steven: Really? How did they get there?
Guard: The same way as you did!
Steven: I still don't buy it.
Guard: Oh boy, they surely do make them oblivious back on Earth.
Steven: Wait, am I not back on Earth already? And aren't you from-
Guard: No, you look Ajaxian. We were building spaceships while you were still in prehistory.
Steven: I'm done with you guys, I'm going back. Akazan, come with me, I'll show you that this is'nt-
Guard: *rolls his eyes*

Ian: You cheated on me on our second date! I'll never forgive you!

Barbara: While we're on the subject, I need you to take 7,000 other offences into account...

Amy: I really must start wearing longer skirts.

Polly: *to benton* Now, John, lets leave Ben and Mike and get together!

Chris Chibnall: This whole Timeless Children idea is stupid. I better toss it and come up with something better.

Fivey: I caught a Level 30 Human, Level 20 Alzarian, Level 45 Trakenite and Level 50 Trion. You?

Brigadier: And here's a message from the King of England.
Companion: You mean King Charles III?
Brigadier: No, King Doctor.

Constance Clarke: Well, Flip, after all of this time together, I've realized, I've solved the hangups, Philippa Jackson, I love you.
Flip Jackson: Aww Connie! I love you too!

Stranger things have happened.

Thasmin, for example.

They're the same dynamic of older, taller, sweet blonde x younger, shorter, active brunette.

Swap the height and age, swap blond for blondish brown, you've got Nyssa and Tegan respectively.

And if you swap blonde and brunette for blue eyed and brown eyed, and make the older one a man, you got Ian and Barbara.

And if you swap the ages, make the second one a man, and swap brunette for slightly less blond, you've got Polly and Ben.

Basically it's always been the Ian\Polly\13\Connie\Nyssa\Rose\Rory x Barbara\Ben\Yaz\Flip\Tegan\Mickey\Amy dynamic. Which is older than Doctor Who, it has been used everywhere, even Dawn and Barry from Pokémon are a great example of the dynamic.

And yes, I know Barbara arguably cheated on Ian on their second date, Polly and Ben have an on-and-off relationship, Nyssa is sometimes seen as having been with Adric before he died and they were'nt canonized as a coupel until later, Mickey was a third wheel to the Doctor and eventually ended up with Martha instead, and Rory was also kind of a third wheel to the Doctor.

But let me have a TARDIS couple where they only have eyes for each other and not the Doctor\Ganatus\cricket fans\boyband members\people that cry at movies\the Magic Taco.

The TARDIS Gang could be an ideal example of "we have only eyes for each other but at home our parents\the government won't allow it".

Another ideal example of it would be a Thal x Kaled romance.

Even if you assume Jamie and Victoria are a couple, you can tell it's a bit overshadoved by Jamie x Doctor.

So the closest thing we've had is shipping Nyssa with either Adric or Tegan. Or both at separate points of her life.

Companion: Where have we landed, Doctor?
Jodie (checking instruments): It appears we've landed on Dimorphos, a moon of the asteroid Didymos.
Companion: What's that?
Jodie: It was famous when Earth crashed a space probe into on September 26, 2022... Wait a minute! (Goes to check date, TARDIS rocks violently, Jodie hits head on console and regenerates)

Who d'you think JODIE! is, COLIN?

If it works for one, it works for the other.

We've been promised JODIE!'s regeneration is 'simple, epic and beautiful' and THAT would only meet one of the criteria...

Alt Jodie regenerates scenes.

(The Doctor discovers a grey hair)
Jodie: This body is getting tired. (regenerates)


Jodie: Don't I have a say in what I'll look like?
Timelords: We have some choices for you.
Jodie: (pictures are shown) Too white. Too male. Too white and male.
(Timelords get fed up and force regeneration)


Jodie: Eeek! A spider! (regenerates)


Jodie: What am I doing on this radio telescope? Aaaaa! (hits ground & regenerates)

Tegan: Andrew William Jovanka-Haybourne-Tanaka-Traken! What are you doing with that sonic taco wrapper!

At the final minute of 'Power of the Doctor', Peter Capaldi as the 12th Doctor wakes up in bed with a start.
"Good grief! What a HORRIBLE nightmare! It went on and on and on! It seemed like years! Thank God NONE of that nonsense ever happened!"

The Rani; "Leave the girl. It's the man I want."
90 % of Doctor Who fandom; "We agree!"

Oh joy, the anti-jodie trolling has returned in time for her finale.[/sarcasm]

Wait - he's calling JODIE! a GIRL?!

How may thousands of years old do you have to GET before becoming a WOMAN?!

Just quoting the Rani from 'Time and the Rani'.
And from the Rani's perspective, Mel's 30-something age made her a 'girl' by comparison, I suppose, to how old the Rani might be.

Brigadier: Doctor!
(a hologram of the Doctor flickers to life)
Doctor: Please state the nature of the temporal emergency.

King Ycranos: Tone it down, Doctor. You're acting a little over the top there.

The Doctor: I'm the Doctor from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation Harry Potter!

I wouldn't put it past TEN to say that...Thirteen is also a big fan...

Luvic as he sits on the throne: Finders Keepers!

That's pretty much what he DOES (silently) say, isn't it? At least until it's all Losers Weepers five minutes later...

He said: "I'll go."

But he meant: "Finders Keepers!" - if only young Trakenites were allowed slang...

Other alternative lines include:

"Abolish the Keepership! Keepers are just batteries for an antivirus! I should be Tactics Administrator!"

"No! I want to move to Earth and change my name to Chronolock Guy!" (or is it Shadrak Winter?)

"Let's wait for Tremas to arrive. He should be Keeper, I'm only 23!" (Yes, my character.ai has decided Luvic's 23 - although Robin was 34 when playing him.)

"Me the Keeper? With those teeth?"

"I have a better idea! It should be Nyssa."

"Bring a cut of Homogenite. I want to deage our dearest Katura!"

-

Luvic sits on the throne on the 00:21:39 mark.

Crispy takes Tremas' body on the 00:23:38 mark, that's what, 2 minutes? And if you don't include the Doctor and Adric's 30 minute TARDIS scene, it's about 1 minute and an half from Luvic becoming the Keeper to Tremas getting his body hijacked.

And the best part, it's under an archway, so Luvic did'nt really see much of it.

I personally think Luvic's Keepership was propably a month long, or at least a week\days long, I don't think it was five minutes, I think Katura, Nyssa, and three others got to be Consuls under him for a bit. In my mind, those three others are named Demia, Elkor, and Mithis!

Anyways in Logopolis Nyssa had enough time to put a jacket on. In fact it's possible that she was on a Consular mission "Find what's happened to Tremas" instead of the Watcher just teleporting her. So maybe the Watcher did'nt appear to her on the same day or the day after KoT is set? But Nyssa, Luvic, Katura, and the others studied various ways on how to find what could have happened to Tremas.

BTW I think that if the Watcher took Nyssa away shortly after KoT, then Traken got destroyed about 40 minutes (at least) after Luvic became Keeper.

Basically in my headcanon it is:
?? ?? 1959 - Young Kassia starts to worship the Melkur
Jan 30 1981 - Tremas and Kassia's wedding
Jan 31 1981 - the bulk of KoT
Feb 1 1981 - Nyssa, Demia, Elkor, Mithis become Consuls.

Feb 1-27 1981 - They research how to find Tremas\the Master. While Tremas' Keepership would have been more science-focused, Luvic's Keepership is perhaps more history-focused.

They realize that the Master could be everywhere, being a time traveller. Logopolis is galaxies away from Traken so propably they aren't aware of each other. Maybe they even realize Traken might get destroyed soon.

So Nyssa sends a message to the Doctor and Adric, that's how she realizes the Master is also off to Logopolis.

So they try ways to get to Logopolis but Nyssa only can get to Logopolis days or weeks later, because that's when the Watcher appears.

Actually, it's possible that the Watcher itself was born out of Nyssa's own wishes + the Source...

but it seems that Watchers are a thing that exists for every Time Lords and that Nyssa was just brought to Logopolis bc destiny and that she would be there even if she had no actual wishes... (Yes I know she was only made a Companion in last minute much like Donna or Jamie) (Or Victoria since she was made a Companion bc Samantha Briggs was'nt)

Anyway maybe Traken can come back

Maybe Weepers of Traken could be a KoT sequel!?!

Weepers of Traken - starring Ncuti Gatwa, Millie Gibson, Sarah Sutton, Nicola Bryant, Jane Perry, Robin Soans, Ellody Sephine, Aroush Halapsian, and a packet of Skittles...

Nyssa: the source in me tells me you’re evil, Turlough!
Turlough: No I’m not, I was once just like you… an heir to an advanced interstellar empire, and a science and archeology nerd and supergenius. But 8 years ago I got exiled to this school, and I’ve become a rebel! It happens to everyone it’ll happen to you!

And if you don't include the Doctor and Adric's 30 minute TARDIS scene, it's about 1 minute and an half from Luvic becoming the Keeper to Tremas getting his body hijacked.

I totally DO count all TARDIS scenes (well, admittedly I try to avoid Edge of Destruction except when strictly necessary).

I personally think Luvic's Keepership was propably a month long, or at least a week\days long, I don't think it was five minutes

Nyssa had a serious daddy-fixation, I don't see her searching for Tremas down the back of the sofa for an entire month before hijacking the nearest Watcher (or, um, whatever actually happened there, I'm still a bit unclear, after forty years of pondering it...)

Anyway maybe Traken can come back

Sure, Matt could have restored it in The Big Bang or Tennant in School Reunion, or Rose in Parting of the Ways, but did they hell...

Nyssa: the source in me tells me you’re evil, Turlough!
Turlough: No I’m not, I was once just like you… an heir to an advanced interstellar empire, and a science and archeology nerd and supergenius.

The Nyssa/Turlough similarities are a really good point I never thought of (probably because they interacted for two minutes, tops, at least before Big Finish got its hands on 'em) but I think you're exaggerating the 'supergenius' aspect...

1) I count that scene too, but I count it as happening at the same time as the Traken scene right after it - the one with Consul Katura talking to dear father and daughter Of-Traken while humanized skittl- Kipper Love Ick watches offscreen while regretting his life choices.

Not much different than the times where the Doctor and Tegan are doing a thing while Adric and Nyssa are doing another thing.

2) Yeah, if logopolis is right after KoT for the Doctor, Adric, and the master, it is so for Nyssa too, otherwise it doesn’t really make sense. IE KoT is also set 27-28 February 1981.

3) I’m not sure if I’d prefer:

A: Traken back and seeing Robin Soans in keeper egghead makeup and giving the Keepership to a new character who I call Neema. And if it is not 2981 but 200100 or 201100 then does that makes it the longest Keepership in fact long enough for an human to be the keeper after Luvic.

B: Robin Soans appears as elderly Luvic who has been YEEEEE somewhere by Trakens destruction. He and elderly Nyssa get Traken back and they meet a recast Katura there. (Peri, 15, and Ruby watch)

C: Robin Soans appears as a side character in one of the Tegan/Nyssa spin-off episodes (or is it Nyssa/peri return episode) it’s a normal human who has similiarities to Luvic and maybe the similiarity could be mentioned but otherwise Traken only appears on flashbacks. And Nyssa instead is more tied to Vanir (the home planet of the terminus characters) which makes Liza Goddard and even Dominic Guard more likely returns than Robin Soans.

Overall not the most unlikely returning planet/character/actor but not the most likely return either. Heck I’d be happy for a Soans!Damon or even Soans!Rani, but then again I’d be happy with “Invasion of the Humanized Skittles on the Impossible Planet but I mean Nibiru and not Krop Tor.”

4) maybe genius for earth but average on Trion, in some ways, due to different advancement tiers. But a real super genius would have taken a gun from the TARDIS and killed everyone…

—-

Oh and before I forget it

4th Doctor: Look, Romana! Those are my future self and his wife! Do you know what does that mean? DOUBLE HONEYMOON DOUBLEDATE!

A new one

Vince: Doctor! It’s me! I’ve survived the rutans and inherited fang rock!

Vince: Doctor! It’s me! I’ve survived the rutans and inherited fang rock!

DOCTOR: Um...remind me who you are...?

Mawdryn (pretending to be the Doctor): Travel with me, we'll bring Traken back together!
Nyssa: OK, you're a better Doctor than that one anyway.

@Emily, Vince would thus say:

Vince: "I'm the guy you and Leela met back then when I worked on Fang Rock. Two of the greatest people I've ever met."

Clara: Ey Ashildr it isn’t funny how we know a lot of aliens that look almost like winter family members, not just in the trap street shimmers but also we meet aliens that already looked like them.
Ashildr: Yes a man that looked almost exactly like Yrcanos and a woman that looked almost exactly like Ohila had a son that looked almost exactly like Luvic!
Clara: It’s like every planet is actually in parallel with them!

Fivey: So, that's all, Turlough's an alien exile.
Nyssa: I'm an alien too, the Master stole my father's body!
Brigadier: The Master? Ok then I should tell the rest of the gang, never know when and where he can turn up!

More likely the Brig would just scoff at her before wandering off muttering about Cromer and turning into a Cyberman.

Not that I'm BITTER about what Who's done to my beloved Brig, of course...

I just feel as the Brig should have learned that Turlough and Nyssa are aliens during Mawdryn Undead, too.

Robin Stuart (about Luvic): "Oh, you must be the Colin Frazer of Traken, then!"

Harry: OK there’s me, Sarah, Mehendri, Condo, Nyder, and Ravon… let’s have a 6some together!

Nyssa: my former boyfriend got stuck on a chair for 1000 years!

After terminus, a time bubble wanders in, with Luvic inside. Nyssa is standing next to the Garm, Kari, and Olvir.

Kari: That your last boyfriend?

No, that would be Magnus Greel (The Butcher of Brisbane audio).

Tegan (singing): Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong Under the shade of a Coolibah tree.
And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled "You'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me"

I just ship Luvic x Nyssa so there’s quite a bit of it there

Magnus and Nyssa I think would end up very quickly. Propably shorter than a big finish audio.

Anyways:

Italian trailer for dubbed Fivey era: As my ex boyfriend, Abelardo (shows pic of Luvic) became the Keeper instead, I ended up searching for my father as I wanted to defeat the Master!

Mel: Vegetable juice! Please drink the vegetable juice! (Vocaloid song)

Peri: Born in the USA, I was born in the USA.

Ace: Let's go BOOM BOOM KA-BOOM!

Ace practically says that all the time.

And literally, in the case of Battlefield.

7th Doctor: What sound does an exploding sheep make?
Ace: Sis-BOOM-bah!


3rd Doctor: I just work on Earth, I was born in space.


Yaz: Doctor, who are the KLF?
13th Doctor: Oh, they're justified and they're ancient and they drive an ice cream van. They called me up on Gallifrey and said, "Doctor, stand by your fam." Setting course for Moo-Moo Land.

Leela: I've decided to become a nun.

Luvic: Kari! Olvir! I’m sorry for accidentally weather-machine’d the neighbors!

Charles Cranleigh *changing Serons nappies while on honeymoon on Traken* : Even at the edge of the universe I’m changing the nappies!

Leela: I've decided to become a nun.

Not as surprising as her marrying Andred, after all, it was Venusian nuns who taught the Doc aikido...

Jo Grant: E=MC3

That's probably EXACTLY what Jo wrote to get her failed at her Science O-Level. The examiners weren't to know about her great knack for serendipity...

Katura: Luvic you’re like a son to me.

Doctor: So then I said to Einstein, "Al baby, E = MC Hammer!"

Whoville Barbara: Im a war orphan that grew up on tv dinner!

Susan: Susan is not my real name, it's actually Goopplleite.

Susan: Grandfather, I want to be called Susan.
First Doctor: We named the dog Susan!

Thirteenth Doctor: (singing) I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world...

(The Daleks DARDIS is chasing the TARDIS through time and space)
Doctor: I've found the tracking device.
(materializes on a planet, a futuristic city can be seen in the distance. A small rocket is launched from the city. The Doctor throws the tracking device outside and dematerializes, as the DARDIS materializes.)
Companion: But Doctor, won't the Daleks terrorize the inhabitants of that planet?
Doctor: Oh, I wouldn't worry about that.
Companion: Why not Doctor?
Doctor: Because it's the planet Krypton. (Krypton explodes)

Luvic : the kipper of Traken is my favorite food.

Nyssa: Traken? What a dull and boring place that was. I'm glad it's gone.

The fifth Doctor is driving an automobile with the Eleventh Doctor next to him, and Adric of Alzarius and Luvic of Traken in the backseat.

They’re going to Luna, the weird dentist who lives the moon. It is the year 1200 and she is a Judoon.

The Fifth Doctor says: “You know Luna? She had 3 husbands. My first through third incarnations. The first two died of poison mushrooms. The third one didn’t want to eat the mushrooms, and so Luna hit him with a pan over her head. Turns out those mushrooms aren’t actually poisonous but actually the regeneration catalyst.”

Third Doctor: Forward the polarity of the neutron flow.

Doctor: Move the up quark down and the down quark up!

Luvic: Help me, I'm stuck on a chair for 1000 years (I'm Trakenite)

I HAD A NEW ONE

Andy Jovanka: What's your name?
Nyvi of Traken: N-n-n-nyvi!
Andy: Do you have a stutter?
Nyvi: No, my father did!

HOBSON: Yes, I command the moonbase. It makes perfect sense to put the Gravatron on a body that was revealed only a few years ago to be the egg of some odd creature.

Journal Vendor (is played by Robin Soans): Want a journal? There happen to be many new weird events happening around here!
Nyssa *flustered*: Oh, sorry, sorry, you just happen to resemble the guy that stole my dad's job a mi- fourty years ago!

Mel: I'm going to whisper everything from now on.

That might actually HAPPEN. RTG is obviously - bizarrely - attempting to rehabilitate Mel and it must have occurred to him that a good deal of her unpopularity is down to - as the Doctor put it in some novel or other - 'that irritating perfect-pitch scream.' No reason why she couldn't have got voice-training to lower the pitch a bit. (As Keith Waterhouse put it after Margaret Thatcher went through a similar process, 'I cannot bring myself to vote for a woman who has been voice-trained to speak to me as though my dog has just died.')

And Mel could speak to the Doctor like he's seen stuff... including dogs dying... and gods gniyd.

Doctor: Hello, I'm the Doctor... except in California where the law forbids me from using that name because I'm not a medical doctor.

Doctor: Hello, I'm the Doctor... except in California where the law forbids me from using that name because I'm not a medical doctor.

Except for the Eighth Doctor who first appeared in California.

Eighth Doctor; "Hello! I'm the Doctor and I'm here to save you!"
Hollywood movie and TV writers on strike; "HURRRAAAYYY!!"

Fifth Doctor; "That's the trouble with regeneration. You never quite know what you're going to get. This is the same face I had after my Fugitive Doctor persona!"

Except for the Eighth Doctor who first appeared in California.

I get the feeling this is a more recent law than 2000 when the telemovie was set.

It actually prevents people who have doctorates and traditionally used the term Doctor from using it.

The Doctor: I sense the presence of the most foul and evil substance in the universe!
Companion: What it is?
The Doctor: Businesses using pumpkin spice in everything! Let's go and not return until November!

Dalek; "You are pumpkin spice! You will be exterminated!"

Third Doctor; "I've reversed the polarity of the pumpkin spice!"

Fourth Doctor; "Would you like a pumpkin spice jelly baby?"

Oh, great, Steve, now I'm on Team Dalek. ;-)

---

Brigadier: Chap with the Pumpkin Spice Latte, five rounds rapid!

Peri: Doctor your lettuce has turned purple!
Fifth Doctor: It detects the presence of pumpkin spice. (starts eating celery)

It's the Great Pumpkin, Adders.

SIXTH DOCTOR: I think I'll go visit my good friend Emily Carter! She's always happy to see me, and she loves my stylish clothes.

Second Doctor; "Oh, my giddy pumpkin spice!"

Twelfth Doctor; "Kidneys! I've got new kidneys! I don't like their colour!"
Clara; "Of your kidneys?!"
Twelfth Doctor; "No! They're not pumpkin spice-coloured!"

Eleventh Doctor (checking his features after regenerating); "...eyes, nose...I've had worse! Chin...blimey! Hair...I'm a girl! No! No! I'm not a girl! (Check's his hair) And still not ginger! And worse, still not pumpkin spice!"

SIXTH DOCTOR: I think I'll go visit my good friend Emily Carter!

You're forgetting that, courtesy of Kevin, THAT has pretty-much HAPPENED.

Nyssa: I'm going as something called the Slutty Pumpkin.

Tegan: I'm going dressed as a witch.
Nyssa: As yourself?
Tegan: No! That's witch, with a W, not a B!

Adric: I'm going as a dinosaur killer!

The Master: Ah, Halloween! I love any holiday dedicated to dressing up!

Brigadier: I'm not dressing up this year. Last year I went as an angel and nearly got shot when I saw myself in a mirror and shouted, "Chap with the wings, five rounds rapid!"

4th Doctor: I think I'll dress up as Rodney Hrvatin.

TEGAN: So, which medieval Scotsman did you say we'd be visiting, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Braveheart, Tegan.
TEGAN: I always try to be brave, Doctor, but what historical person are we going to see?
DOCTOR: Braveheart, Tegan.
TEGAN: Why aren't you answering my question? Who are we going to meet?
DOCTOR: I said, Braveheart, Tegan!
TEGAN: Do you understand my question?
DOCTOR: I do, and I said Braveheart, Tegan!
NYSSA: I hope we get to Terminus soon! I can't take much more of this!

And then there was that time the Doctor joined a baseball team with his brothers What and Idontknow...

Fifth Doctor; "Hello, I'm the Doctor, and these are my companions, Nyssa, Tegan, Adric, Kamelion, Turlough, Peri, Sarah Jane, Leela, K-9, Romana, and Harry Sullivan."
Aliens stare in silence at the huge group.
Tegan (to the Doctor); "I TOLD YOU that you have too many people in the TARDIS!"
The Doctor (whispering to Adric); "Better tell Jo, Liz, the Brigidier, Benson, Zoe, Jamie, and Victoria to stay inside the TARDIS!"

The Fifth Doctor arrives in 2023 and enters a grocery store.
"3.99 for celery! Outrageous! I've been saving this planet for decades and this is how you repay me?!"

Peri looks at the Sixth Doctor's new addition to his multi-coloured jacket and shakes her head.
Doctor; "Whatever is the matter, Peri?"
Peri; "I was okay with you pinning a stick of celery on your lapel, Doctor, and I thought the cat pins were cute, but this is your worst idea yet!"
Doctor; "And what's wrong with my new lapel decoration? It's fresh, isn't it?"
Peri; "Doctor, it's a chicken wing!"

Nyssa: Doctor! Why did you hit that annoying alien?
Fifth Doctor: When all you have is a cricket bat your problems resemble cricket balls.

Sixth Doctor: Emily, my dear, I've decided to take your advice and wear a new outfit.
Emily: Oh thank RTG!
(The Doctor leaves the room and comes back dressed as Captain Kirk)
Emily: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

I hope it's the Kirk from the Motion Picture.

Fourth Doctor: Hello. Would you like a stuffed cabbage?

Fourth Doctor; "Hello, I'm the Doctor. Would you like a Venti iced coffee half-calf milk, and coconut milk, with extra caramel drizzle, whipped cream, toffee nut syrup, with an extra caramel drizzle?"

Fourth Doctor: Hello, would you like fries with that?

Fourth Doctor: Hello, would you like fries with that?

If...you...do...not...give...me...fries...with...that...you...will...be...ex...ter...min...a...ted!

Doctor: I won't let you ravage this planet!
Alien (pulls out a fiver): Oh, really?
Doctor: Well, I really shouldn't...
Alien (doubles the money): Are you sure?
Doctor: Have fun ravaging the planet.

if it looks like a dork, walks like a dork, and acts like a dork, it’s probably a dric

BBC: Get lost, Mouse!

I'm getting tired of fighting the Daleks. I'll just wait in the TARDIS and let this planet sort out their own problems.

Dalek Meteorologist: We have detected a disturbance in space-time heading for us!
Dalek Supreme: We have weathered these before!
Dalek Meteorologist: Yes, but this one has gathered up every version of The Doctor, including the Timeless Children!
Dalek Supreme: You mean...?
Dalek Meteorologist: Yes, it's a Docnado!
Dalek Supreme: Attention all Daleks! Replace your suction arm with a chainsaw, immediately!

Oh yeah, like that's gonna do any good.

https://preview.redd.it/keepermas-be-like-v0-6bysyisennrc1.png?auto=webp&s=7250dea6d244fc1ed1e11294fb3ad12e1976f0e3

I mostly made this cuz of Robin's line!

Ruby's Mum; "Promise me you'll keep her safe."
Fifteenth Doctor; "Oh, all right! You're no fun! Okay, I promise that as long as she's with me she'll never see a single Dalek, Cyberman, Sontaran, Zygon, Slitheen, Ice Warrior, Sea Devil, giant Robot, Time Lord, or my Best Enemy!"
Ruby's Mum; "Now, that I think about it that sounds BORING! Okay, maybe she can meet a couple of those!"
Fifteenth Doctor; "Great! Of course, she'll probably have to wait a year or two before that happens!"

Ruby's Mum: Promise me you'll keep her safe.
Fifteenth Doctor: You're not a cop, are you?

Ruby's Mum: Promise me you'll keep her safe.
Fifteenth Doctor: I've already loaded her safe into my TARDIS.

Ruby's Mum: Promise me you'll keep her safe.
Fifteenth Doctor: You'll have to be clear on who "her" refers to and how safe is safe? Are bumps and scratches okay? What about missing limbs? Or even having her soul stuffed into a Cyberman?

Ruby's Mum: Promise me you'll keep her safe.
Fifteenth Doctor: Oh, hell no!!! Who do you think I am, Mr. Rogers?

Who's Mr Rogers?

This is Mister Rodgers.

From Wikipedia:

Fred McFeely Rogers (March 20, 1928 Đ February 27, 2003), better known as Mister Rogers, was an American television host, author, producer, and Presbyterian minister. He was the creator, showrunner, and host of the preschool television series Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, which ran from 1968 to 2001.