The Maltese Penguin:

OK, I did like the mention of the Doctor helping the rebels overthrow a corrupt dictatorship, nipping forward a hundred years and overthrowing the corrupt ex-rebels. Haven't I ALWAYS SAID that that's the sort of thing that'll happen, as long as the Doctor just swans off at the end of the story without explaining the joys of multi-party democracy?

I dunno why the Doc kept coming back to beg that useless penguin to travel with him. I don't recall him doing THAT before, even when it would have been utterly justified (i.e. with poor dumped Sarah Jane Smith).

Colin Baker playing (a Colin Baker-shaped) Frobisher might have been a good idea. Had CB been blessed with the faintest skill at accents.

Why does Frobisher stop carrying a gun just when it would have been useful? He's quite happy to (somewhat off-puttingly) wave one in the face of every propective client, yet once he's Doctor-shaped he decides that a gun would 'ruin the line of the multi-coloured pockets'. Funny, cos a) Anyone wearing THAT coat is not gonna be too concerned about their appearance, and b) If the Doctor's coat doesn't have capacious pockets, what does!

Although for subscribers only (nice try, Big Finish):
The Five Companions
The Fifth Doctor meets up with his distant past – the schoolteacher who settled down, the space pilot who became a King, the security agent who died and lived again and the swinging Sixties secretary who has made her own way in the world.

Although for subscribers only (nice try, Big Finish)

Quite.

'Over my dead body' is the phrase springing to mind here...

The Five Companions
The Fifth Doctor meets up with his distant past – the schoolteacher who settled down, the space pilot who became a King, the security agent who died and lived again and the swinging Sixties secretary who has made her own way in the world.

Oh. Dear. Immortality is hardly 'settling down', mediating between two factions is hardly becoming a KING, Sara most certainly did not live again (dust to DUST, people!) and Polly obviously had upper-class connections behind her, at the very least...

Return of the Krotons:

'I don't think I've ever been to the moon' - you're kidding, right?

Charley has never heard 'One small step for man'...? She'd better hope she never encounters a Silent...

Why doesn't the Doctor bother asking if the leg-wound is serious?

Why does Eleanor sound upset at the death of the man who killed her son?

Since when would a human become a Kroton - with blinking human eyes? It'll take more than saying 'It's a chance in a million!' to convince me.

God, what a cliche Cobden is.

Return to the Web Planet:

WHY?

I mean, WHY would the Doctor/TARDIS/Big Finish/Daniel O'Mahony DO this to themselves, and, more importantly, to ME?

(They can TRY blaming a 'gravitational anomaly' but I an SO not swallowing it...)

'You mean there's sentient life here' - Nyssa knows all about the Doctor's previous visit to Vortis but not that he encountered any lifeforms?

'Are you sure you're not making this up?' - what is it about giant butterflies and the word 'Zarbi' that Nyssa finds so unbelievable?

'It looked like a giant ant' 'Strictly speaking, it's more like a termite' - *Googles 'termite'. Tries not to vomit. Decides Zarbi TOTALLY look likes ants not termites so what the hell is the Doctor TALKING about?*

What luck that a father and daughter coincidentally and unknowingly rescue the Doctor and Nyssa respectively, without noticing each other.

The Hive dragged the TARDIS here? Didn't Sexy put up any defences since the LAST time?

'I am the Speaker for Mother Life' gets very boring, very fast.

"I mean, WHY would the Doctor/TARDIS/Big Finish/Daniel O'Mahony DO this to themselves, and, more importantly, to ME?"

Sadism and/or masochism?

"'You mean there's sentient life here' - Nyssa knows all about the Doctor's previous visit to Vortis but not that he encountered any lifeforms?"

I imagine Nyssa means "sentient life" in the specific sense of "something that can talk like it's just a BBC actor in a costume".

"'Are you sure you're not making this up?' - what is it about giant butterflies and the word 'Zarbi' that Nyssa finds so unbelievable?"

Have you *seen* 'The Web Planet'?

"The Hive dragged the TARDIS here? Didn't Sexy put up any defences since the LAST time?"

The TARDIS knows its in a (slightly) better story this time and feels no need to - as Lawrence Miles put it - nip off to the pub for a pint.

"I mean, WHY would the Doctor/TARDIS/Big Finish/Daniel O'Mahony DO this to themselves, and, more importantly, to ME?"

Sadism and/or masochism?

I'm as sadomasochistic as the next person (well, the next person who owns The Web Planet AND Trial of a Time Lord, anyway) but even I draw the line somewhere. Out of all the planets in all the Whoniverse, they had to return to THIS one?

what is it about giant butterflies and the word 'Zarbi' that Nyssa finds so unbelievable?"

Have you *seen* 'The Web Planet'?

Yeah, though admittedly not for a really, really, REALLY long time.

The woman spent her formative years laying flowers at the foot of a calcified-evil statue, for heaven's sake. Why is she balking at the thought of a giant butterfly?

The TARDIS knows its in a (slightly) better story this time

Oh, a MUCH better story. Obviously.

Return of the Daleks:

You're kidding, right?

Just to recap:

The Spiridonians cunningly hide their planet from the Daleks by...renaming it (!)

Those cunning metal meanies eventually find it, however - and their one million one hundred thousand-strong Dalek army buried in the icecanos (!)

The Doctor is determined not to interfere in the Dalek conquest of the galaxy (!)

Until Kalendorf-from-Dalek-Empire is at risk, at which point the Doctor works as a slave for the Daleks for several years in exchange for Kal's life (!)

The Daleks think there's absolutely no point in wheeling out their one million one hundred thousand strong army to aid their current conquest of the galaxy until it has the power of invisibility (!)

So they wait patiently for several years for the Doctor to work out how to turn 'em invisible. Without trying to get their suckers on the TARDIS or anything (!)

After such things, it seems so PETTY to start fussing about the way Kal whines 'traitor' and 'coward' and suchlike at the Doc while signally failing to lunge for his throat, or why staggeringly accomplished liar Suz utterly fails to think up a decent cover story for Kal nipping off, or why the Spiridonians are overwhelmed by their disgusting collaboration-filled past despite Wester's heroics, or why no one points out that the Doctor being on the planet during aforementioned collaboration would make him REALLY REALLY OLD, or that calling the Doc 'a known saboteur of Dalek operations' is just so weak compared to 'Oncoming Storm' or 'Dalek Predator', or why he's, er, dying of light-wave sickness one minute, unable even to regenerate, and then inexplicably fine the next...

An Earthly Child:

There's something intrinsically WRONG about the Doctor's reunion with his granddaughter (FINALLY!) taking place on a subscriber-only disc (especially as it has a few sequels in the NORMAL Eighth Doctor audios that make no sense whatsoever unless you're a subscriber). I'd also complain about it totally contradicting Legacy of the Daleks' Eighth-Doctor-finally-reunites-with-his-granddaughter novel if even the later EDAs (viz, Fear Itself) hadn't seen fit to pretend that never happened...

Students on strike for higher grants...? This SO doesn't feel like a post-apocalyptic world. Ditto for the rat-pack journalists, 'champagne all round', 'our new poster boy', business studies, etc etc...

There's an extreme fear of technology? I simply don't believe it. The whole Amish lifestyle has never caught on HERE, and being devastated by a Dalek invasion should just make people MORE desperate for any technology they could get their hands on.

'We're still finding people hiding in caves' - what, TWENTY YEARS after the Daleks were kicked out? I say, LEAVE the morons there.

Why would the Doctor inform a near-stranger that Susan had put the whole world in serious danger?

And why doesn't he just go straight to Susan to stop her?

The Doctor is surprised that 'TARDIS' means nothing to his great-grandson, but not that 'Doctor' means nothing?

The Doctor's INCREDIBLY helpless in that cell.

'It's been so long' - Susan. 'Yes, much too long' - Doctor. That's...IT?? Any grandparent of MINE who abandoned me on a Dalek-devastated world with a promise to 'come back' that he couldn't be arsed to fulfil for, like, FIVE HUNDRED YEARS would be met with a MUCH more violent reception.

'Eight, I think' - you THINK? What kind of cretin can't even count his own regenerations?

'How on Earth did you manage that' - Doctor to Susan, re having a son. Not only is that a seriously indelicate question, despite three follow-up audios its implication that Susan SHOULDN'T have been able to cross-breed with a human remains resolutely unexplored. (And likely to remain so, now that Alex is...y'know...DEAD.)

'My TARDIS and me - that's all I believe in' - since when has the Doctor been so...unsociable?

'I chose to stay on Earth' - well, actually, you chose to leave but Granddad dumped you and scarpered...

Why on Earth would the Doctor assume Susan and/or Alex would joyously travel round space and time with him.

Alex has figured out the TARDIS door control already? Took Ian n'Barbara a YEAR...and they were considerably smarter than THIS git.

Um...WHY did Susan (n'David) omit to mention to their son that she was an alien?

"Why in hell's name would Susan change her name to 'Mrs Campbell'??"

'Beggars can't be choosers. I once spent five months named after a gate.'

What's wrong with 'Foreman'?!

Anyone who's read Interference KNOWS that it's a name of GREAT SIGNIFICANCE.

"What's wrong with 'Foreman'?!"

Nothing, but it strikes me that if Susan chose arbitrarily to name herself after one lump of wood without comment then we have no right to complain if she chooses arbitrarily to name herself after a different lump of wood.

"Anyone who's read Interference KNOWS that it's a name of GREAT SIGNIFICANCE."

Because I.M. Foreman is such an obvious and logical choice of name for a renegade Gallifreyan priest-cum-itinerant circus performer*.

(* Presumably 'Dr Lao' was already taken.)

if Susan chose arbitrarily to name herself after one lump of wood without comment then we have no right to complain if she chooses arbitrarily to name herself after a different lump of wood.

Oi! David Campbell is a HEROIC freedom-fighter who IN NO WAY resembles A Lump Of Wood!

Has A Lump Of Wood ever slapped anyone round the face with a dead fish as part of a courtship ritual? No? Then I rest my case.

But the point is, it wasn't SEXIST for Susan to name herself after a gate. It WAS sexist to name herself after some 'husband' thing. SURELY she'd had enough of chauvinism, of the gallant variety (Ian treating her and Barbara as if they were made of Dresden China) or the non-gallant variety (Granddad threatening her with a jolly good smacked bottom) to last her a LIFETIME.

Because I.M. Foreman is such an obvious and logical choice of name for a renegade Gallifreyan priest-cum-itinerant circus performer*.

It means I Am For Man! It means HE started this whole human-obsession and our Doctor was only ever following in his footsteps! It's ENTIRELY logical and, OK, not my favourite idea in the world. I remember Moffat vetoing Gaiman's original Doctor's Wife suggestion that the Doc was following in the Corsair's footsteps, on the grounds that Our Hero does what he does for reasons of his own, not out of pathetic imitation. (Mind you, the Doctor himself is pretty pissed off about the whole situation when the penny FINALLY drops about I M Foreman. Of course, this doesn't stop him having sex with her.)

"It means I Am For Man!"

Susan named herself after a SEXIST gate!!!

OK *sigh* you win! I give up!

Glory to [Insert Name Here]!

Her Final Flight:

Given the overwhelming dross that is Big Finish's output, it takes real skill (or lack thereof) to so effortlessly propel yourself into the Bottom Ten - a peculiar mixture of tedium, pointlessness and illogical stupidity.

Since when has Colin Baker been the kind of Doctor to talk to himself all the time? Even when he was planning on being a lonely hermit stranded on a barren world for centuries, he insisted on bringing along a disciple.

Which bit of 'She could as easily have been killed' is Peri somehow failing to grasp?

Look, I LOVE any dig at religion! But this boring, predictable, imbecilic, one-dimensional homicidal goddess-worshipping cult is offending even ME.

He's desecrated the temple, blasphemed against the goddess, burn him as a sacrifice...I swear I'd be yawning my head off even if the Doctor in question was one I LIKED. I've seen better cliffhangers in Death to the Daleks.

'The sickness could bring down the whole village' - yeah? So? Even MAHATMA GANDHI would probably feel the universe was better off without this bunch of total losers. (Plus they're all fictional anyway. Like this wasn't pointless enough ALREADY.)

'His willingness to sacrifice himself for the benefit of others is our most powerful weapon' says, um, whoever-is-putting-the-Doc-through-this-spectacularly-pointless-fictional-experience-in-order-to-um-well-I-can't-actually-remember...do-SOMETHING-horrid-to-him-anyway-oh-god-why-can't-she-just-blow-his-brains-out? (Or mine, by this stage I'm honestly not fussy.)...Has she forgotten this is the COLIN BAKER Doctor? He's (quite sensibly) NOT gonna do the noble self-sacrifice thing to pull the Master out of the Eye of Harmony/give Sontarans a second chance/rescue Davros from the Nightmare Child.

Oh. He does, however, seem perfectly happy to MURDER SEXY to save this wretched village. I'd LIKE to say that would never happen, but after he tried to DROWN her in Logopolis and swap her life for Donna's in Journey's End...who knows?

'She's resisting - doesn't want to say goodbye' - you flatter yourself, Sunshine. Sexy is all too happy to say goodbye to YOU (why else would she 'accidentally' smash your skull against her console), I suspect it's the BEING MURDERED stuff that doesn't appeal.

So one moment the Doctor's all 'I can't bear it' over Peri's supposed death - the next he's carrying briskly on.

So the Doctor THINKS about going after whoever hired that mercenary to kill him...and then decides not to bother. If HE doesn't care about what happened to him in this audio, why should we?

What kind of villain would BLOW UP THEIR OWN TIMESHIP when their subordinate fails them? It's not like they'll have any SPARES.

Trial of the Valeyard:

Big Finish has gone to considerable lengths to rehabilitate Colin Baker (they've given him SEVERAL of their vanishingly small number of GOOD audios) so why (oh why oh why) do they inflict THIS on the poor guy? 'I'd prefer sweet oblivion to a Gallifreyan Trial' - we ALL would, Sunshine (well, post-Trial of a Time Lord, obviously BEFORE then we just had EXCELLENTLY entertaining five-minute trials in War Games and Deadly Assassin) so what's with a Trial rehash, complete with a good TEN MINUTES of Colin ranting to himself first?

'I don't believe it!' - you DON'T BELIEVE that the Time Lords would drag you all the way to trial and then not let you go as soon as you yelled at them? How stupid ARE you?

So a defendant can choose ANY Time Lord to defend him? Why the hell didn't Docs 2, 4 or 6 demand Rassilon or Eccleston or Tom or the Inquisitor of the President or something?

'I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the show' - er...whatever happened to preferring sweet oblivion?

'This asinine conversation' - can this audio PLEASE stop displaying such disconcerting self-awareness?

I'm sorry, even this Inquisitor couldn't SERIOUSLY suggest that the Time Lords breaking the First (or whichever) Law to nip back into their own history to change the law so the Valeyard would be convicted is 'minutiae' and 'nitpicking'.

Oh. And NOW the Inquisitor's telling the Doctor that his 'contempt of court' will result in a joint termination of himself and the Valeyard. Sorry, surely Six should have been vaporised SEVERAL TIMES during Trial if THAT was a capital crime?

This seems to think that suggesting the thirteen-regeneration limit was artificially imposed by Rassilon is some dramatic revelation. Whereas I've always assumed THAT went without saying.

Also, it would be helpful if it didn't seem to confuse the idea of 'thirteen lives' with 'thirteen regenerations'.

'The thirteenth regeneration always goes wrong' - er...there IS no thirteen regeneration! Other than for Our Hero, of course...

Since when does being found guilty in this courtroom result in a termination tube being instantly lowered over the defence box? That didn't happen in Trial and THIS certainly indicates that the tedium and corruption and resultant revolution of Trial didn't have the hoped-for effect of shaking-up Gallifrey's judicial system.

The Chancellery Guard are Time Lords? I've always assumed most of 'em were common-or-garden Gallifreyans. Is this the first time this has been definitively stated? (Sure, the Gallifrey audios said Andred was a Time Lord, but then he was clearly a cut above his fellows, what with having the guts to try to assassinate a traitor President...even if it WAS darling Tom...and even if it WAS a bit thick to do it in the middle of a state of temporal grace...)

Valiant if misguided attempts to explain the Valeyard (discussed under Monsters: The Valeyard. Obviously.) Though the best bit of this audio was the Doc meeting 'my old, mad, thirteenth self'. Mainly cos I honestly thought SHE WAS A WOMAN. Then everyone kept calling it 'he' and I realised it was an old mad man who just REALLY REALLY sounded like a woman. Curses, foiled again...

Cryptobiosis:

Our Heroes have been at sea for long enough to know their fellow passengers well - so why are they still fussing about what to do with the Doctor's 'crate'? And why hasn't Peri got her sea-legs (or sea-nose) yet?

Fish in those days were full of deadly mercury? People in those days KNEW fish was full of deadly mercury?

How can the Doctor possibly have failed to notice that HIS PATIENT IS A MERMAID?!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the seas of Earth are full of mermaids. You heard it here first.

Why doesn't Amy tell Peri about her imprisoned daughter sooner?

Why are they that scared de Requin will keep searching for mermaids if Amy and her daughter escape? What are his chances of finding 'em? Aren't oceans rather...large and deep?

So a merman can...grow legs. And the ability to breathe out of water. Just like that.

'Everyone we knew on board is dead' - what about the sailors who left in the lifeboats (unchivalrously leaving Peri behind)?

Oh, suddenly it's all 'they jumped off the boat, there were no lifeboats' - I'm sure they mentioned lifeboats earlier (though it'll be a cold day in hell before I check).

So the Doctor's in the sinking ship one minute and a mer-cave the next? How?

I note Peri doesn't ask the DOCTOR to save the drowning sailors.

Why not rescue Amy's daughter sooner?

Mind-bogglingly dire.

Why not rescue Amy's daughter sooner?

Mind-bogglingly dire.

It's like 'Let's Kill Hitler' all over again!

Let's Kill Hitler is an ALL-TIME CLASSIC, you philistine!

Closure:

Benny is recognising herself as an instrument of history...whilst in the middle of trying to CHANGE history?

Benny is more and more convinced that there's a grace that shapes our ends? Since WHEN has she used 'God' or 'Goddess' as anything other than swear-words? (The irritating thing is that she's right. The Key 2 Time and Graceless audios introduced the idea of the Grace, who created the Key to Time and were the Guardians' bosses (or something incredibly dire like that.)) And if you're going to quote Hamlet, why change 'divinity' to 'grace'? It doesn't make you sound like any less of a nutter.

Gods, can Benny just STOP yammering endlessly on about pop culture? (Of course she can't. She's stuck in a Paul Cornell audio, gods help her.)

The first boy Benny ever danced with got his head blown off the next day in weapons training (I did mention PAUL CORNELL AUDIO, right...)?

The relatives of the disappeared didn't dare go near the villa after the troops fled to see if their loved ones were still alive? Frankly I don't believe a word of it. Take a look at the Grandmothers of the Plaza de Mayo some time.

Benny doesn't mention THE WEB OF TIME when going through excuses for not nipping back in time and murdering dictators?

If the genocidal dictator goes round telling everyone that his mother deliberately murdered his father...why does he have the man who murdered his mother burnt in effigy every year?

Benny really thinks that having a mother around will stop the brat turning out TOTALLY EVIL? I should think that growing up with a mother who's been given hours of graphic descriptions of the horrors you'll perpetrate on your fellow humans might well have an even more unhealthy effect on your psyche than growing up an orphan.

'Eight, I think' - you THINK? What kind of cretin can't even count his own regenerations?

*Embarrassed cough* I think I'd just like to retract this remark...

...OK, so Eight IS really Eight and should be able to work this out (using his fingers if necessary), but it has to be admitted that this 'counting your own regenerations' thing is trickier than hitherto suspected.

Night of the Stormcrow:

Can people PLEASE stop asking 'where is security' all the time? Don't they realise BF can't afford any more voices?

'Something did for Leon...and scared the rest of the security off' - yeah, they all ran away silently without anyone noticing.

'I'll tell you the truth if you tell me what you're up to' the Doctor tells the professor. Who promptly spills all her secrets and doesn't ask about HIS for ages.

How do people deduce what Stormcrow did and what was her 'scavengers'?

'Three hours don't forget' - the Doctor expects Leela to sit with the catatonic woman for more than three hours?

'They say 98% of the universe is nothing' - and who are THEY? And why should THE DOCTOR believe 'them' instead of KNOWING HIMSELF?

'Can't stand the torchlight, can you' - so not exactly the scariest monster in the universe, then.

The Doctor's possessed and Leela...runs to useless stupid people for help?

And takes the Doctor's betrayal and ditching of her very calmly?

'The Doctor said the world where I really belong is out there somewhere. Can you show me my own star? The sun of the world where I was born?' - why would Leela ask for her own star when she's just said it wasn't where she belongs? How could some Earth scientist be able to find it given that Leela can't exactly give coordinates from galactic centre, or even a name?

Since when has Tom cooked?

Can't the stupid Stormcrows SEE that Earth isn't dead yet?

The scientists aren't quite mad enough to be in Who's fine old Mad Scientist tradition - they're just selfish and murderous and stupid and boring.

One good joke about jelly babies, that's about it.

The Four Doctors:

OK! So you're brother and sister. WE GET IT. You can stop telling each other and everyone else this fact now.

Big Finish have REALLY overused the Daleks, as I realised when my heart actually SUNK at the sound of 'em. Though I suppose the temptation must be overwhelming, when you've (presumably) paid a fortune for the rights, and your Executive Producer is Nick Briggs...

Five doesn't recognise Eight's voice?

Well, it's very considerate of whatshisface's timestream to drag the Daleks away whenever they're about to exterminate anyone.

All a bit pointless and disappointing, really. If you call something The Four Doctors you HAVE to deliver something special, that's the deal. (Ditto for if you refuse to SELL something ever so you force people to subscribe to Big Finish/pay a fortune on eBay for the privilege of listening to it.)

Trial of the Valeyard
It's not good but I find it entertaining.
Listening to 6 and the Valeyard score points/play off each other and Darkel in an almost brotherly like mannner was nice in my opinion.

Why would the Timelord's build a Matrix door on a planet other then Gallifrey? Why would they leave it operational after it fell into disuse?

The, "Shadow Houses" concept sound interesting is it used anywhere else?

The Valeyard's acting was more obvious/theatrical then in, "Trial".

Is it me or are too much of Darkel's lines delievered in a dramatic manner? "He has escaped justice, again!". Character development in that she's so used to acting for the crowd to advance her self interests it's become second nature or was the writer inept, (probably the latter).

According to the audio 5 microspans= 4 minutes 2 seconds. It was probably meant to be 5 minutes but they screwed up the timing and or editing.

Anyone who asserts that the hybrid clone known generally but not exclusively as the, "Metacrisis Doctor", (I prefer calling him, "Rose's hush payment") is the Valeyard will be beaten with a rather colourful brolly.


'I'd prefer sweet oblivion to a Gallifreyan Trial' - we ALL would, Sunshine (well, post-Trial of a Time Lord

As with trial the audio is badly written and doesn't make good use of the material provided, it's doesn't deal with the fallout of the Valeyard somehow being the Keeper of the Matrix at all, (which to me would be a more valid reason to conduct a trial which the Valeyard could then cleverly take control over through his supposedly good legal skills).


so what's with a Trial rehash, complete with a good TEN MINUTES of Colin ranting to himself first?

1.It's a sequel to Trial and so for whatever reason the inept Big Finish writers based it heavily on it, (probably to try and emulate the feel of it, in which they unfortuanately largely suceeded).
2.Padding, the script had to be stretched out as long as possible as a five minute audio isn't really be viable when they eventually released it for sale. The old tune of money before quality.
3.Given the War Doctor retcon those ten minutes are the only time the Doctor has done anything remotely aggressive towards his people to show his hatred of them, (his speech in Trial does have a point). It also fits with the idea he is the, 'mid life crisis Doctor.


'I don't believe it!' - you DON'T BELIEVE that the Time Lords would drag you all the way to trial and then not let you go as soon as you yelled at them? How stupid ARE you?

He's not thinking straight because he's both angry that and can't believe he's been, "summoned" again to take part in more Gallifreyian political games given his previous experiences, (ie:three show trails, forced regeneration, exile, unwillingly being made president twice, and literally having to fight/think for his remaining lives) and so soon after Trial.


So a defendant can choose ANY Time Lord to defend him? Why the hell didn't Docs 2, 4 or 6 demand Rassilon or Eccleston or Tom or the Inquisitor of the President or something?

Another example of Big Finish, (dedicated fans and writers) introducing a concept that: makes no sense, doesnt fit with established continuity, and probably won't be used or mentioned again for the sake of the story.

I doubt any legal system would allow the acussed to call members of government and essentially the acussed themselves as anything other then character witnesses. It would be too public,(and thus undeniable) and blantant a breach of the laws of time for the past or future regenerations to be called and 6 knows that the other Doctor's wouldn't want to be there.

They could have explained 6 being needed because a.The Valeyard is an amalgamation of his, "darker sides" and thus isn't a separate from him in a timelord legal sense, (I assume there would be specialist laws dealing with regneration). b.6 has the most experience with the Valeyard of his regenerations up until then. Admittedly that's not good but it at least makes more sense.


'I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the show' - er...whatever happened to preferring sweet oblivion?

He's not the accused and he hates the Valeyard.


I'm sorry, even this Inquisitor couldn't SERIOUSLY suggest that the Time Lords breaking the First (or whichever) Law to nip back into their own history to change the law so the Valeyard would be convicted is 'minutiae' and 'nitpicking'.

Like the revelation of the Valeyard's identity in, "Trail" the writers use it to show how self centred/obessed Darkel is with usng the proceedings to advance her ultimate personal goal of gaining more power then the actually conducting the a proper trial. If it's not relevant or would help her political image to dismiss/cover up something she'll do it, (such as downplaying High Council hypocrisy).


Oh. And NOW the Inquisitor's telling the Doctor that his 'contempt of court' will result in a joint termination of himself and the Valeyard. Sorry, surely Six should have been vaporised SEVERAL TIMES during Trial if THAT was a capital crime?

Maybe it was changed after and because of the events in, "Trial" or another case of Big Finish nonsense story sake invention like the timelord of choice defence counsel. Also would you want to risk killing the several times saviour of your species?


The Chancellery Guard are Time Lords? I've always assumed most of 'em were common-or-garden Gallifreyans. Is this the first time this has been definitively stated?

As far as I know it is, it makes sense for them to have at least a basic understanding of the high level science that could be misused, (eg: They have to recognise the type of tech or temporal parodox a criminal has used). In, "Deadly Assassin" the 42 carrott plonker Commander Hilred was able to tell that the Tardis was a Type 40 at a glance and that the type had been deregistered and was obsolete.

I realised it was an old mad man who just REALLY REALLY sounded like a woman.
Sounds like a crazy old man to me. Maybe your desire for a female Doctor is effecting yourjudgement slightly/

Listening to 6 and the Valeyard score points/play off each other and Darkel in an almost brotherly like mannner was nice in my opinion.

Darkel has been RUINED for me by the Gallifrey audios.

(OK, I SAY 'ruined'. I never could stand the woman in the first place. Of course anything associated with Trial is automatically anathema in my eyes, but she was PARTICULARLY unconvincing. I have more authority in my voice than that wimp in the butterfly headdress. (It later transpired that the actress's husband had been beating her to a pulp on a regular basis, which certainly explains said lack of authority.)

Why would the Timelord's build a Matrix door on a planet other then Gallifrey? Why would they leave it operational after it fell into disuse?

Escape route, maybe? In case Gallifrey gets blown up? Gods know, Gallifrey is about to get blown up QUITE A LOT.

The, "Shadow Houses" concept sound interesting is it used anywhere else?

TARDIS Wikia only mentions Trial of the Valeyard, but the idea is obviously nicked from Timewyrm: Exodus, which mentioned wards full of Time Lords whose regenerations had gone hideously wrong.

According to the audio 5 microspans= 4 minutes 2 seconds.

Thank you! My Gallifrey relisten will be conduced with a stopwatch as well as a vodka bottle. Or two.

Anyone who asserts that the hybrid clone known generally but not exclusively as the, "Metacrisis Doctor", (I prefer calling him, "Rose's hush payment") is the Valeyard will be beaten with a rather colourful brolly.

Hear, hear!

(Thanks to Aimee I tend to call him Rose's Doctor-flavour chew toy.)

I doubt any legal system would allow the acussed to call members of government and essentially the acussed themselves as anything other then character witnesses.

This is the GALLIFREYAN legal system, remember. The one that allows the bloke who shot the President to go free to run for President. The one that has long abolished the death penalty one minute, and is shoving people into the Oubliette of Eternity on a daily basis the next. The one that can't tell the difference between a trial and an inquiry. The one that can sentence the Doctor to death for a crime that HE HASN'T COMMITTED YET.

'I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the show' - er...whatever happened to preferring sweet oblivion?

He's not the accused and he hates the Valeyard.

I wasn't the accused in Trial of the Valeyard OR of a Time Lord. And I hate the Valeyard too. But I'd STILL prefer sweet oblivion...

Maybe it was changed after and because of the events in, "Trial"

Now THAT I could understand.

Fourteen episodes of Six's smug odious face on their TV screens and OF COURSE the Time Lords would change the law to have him put down.

Also would you want to risk killing the several times saviour of your species?

Like I said, FOURTEEN EPISODES of Six's smug odious face...

it makes sense for them to have at least a basic understanding of the high level science that could be misused

But you don't have to be a Time Lord to memorise some technical details so that you can say 'Type 40!' or 'Impulse laser?' as the occasion arises.

Sounds like a crazy old man to me. Maybe your desire for a female Doctor is effecting yourjudgement slightly

Ah, but I don't want a female Doctor ON AUDIO. After Unbound: Exile I never, ever, EVER want Big Finish anywhere NEAR a female Doctor, even if she's the real, i.e. televisual, thing.

Thank you! My Gallifrey relisten will be conduced with a stopwatch as well as a vodka bottle. Or two.

Sorry, if it's any conscelation I'll probably do the same.


Escape route, maybe? In case Gallifrey gets blown up? Gods know, Gallifrey is about to get blown up QUITE A LOT.

Wouldn't a duplicate hidden Gallifrey make more sense then a literal mudball planet, (a stupid idea in itself) with no facilities? Like in the EDA's which also had duplicaates in pocket dimensions... (God I hate Moffat for not using that).


Hear, hear! (Thanks to Aimee I tend to call him Rose's Doctor-flavour chew toy.)

Good to know I'm not alone in that. OOOh good nickname I'll use that from now one. Sad that Rose's chew toy had more of a backbone and gupta then 10.


This is the GALLIFREYAN legal system, remember. The one that allows the bloke who shot the President to go free to run for President. The one that has long abolished the death penalty one minute, and is shoving people into the Oubliette of Eternity on a daily basis the next. The one that can't tell the difference between a trial and an inquiry. The one that can sentence the Doctor to death for a crime that HE HASN'T COMMITTED YET.

*Sigh* True. More evidence this franchise needs a professional more detailed series bible.


And I hate the Valeyard too.

I like the Valeyard both in concept and actor choice. It's a good take on, "you are your own worse enemy" that uses and thus expands upon the shows lore. Even though it belittles The Master it's good to have a villian that you think could actaully win against the Doctor. He's used much better in Richcomixblogs's, "The Ten Doctors".


But you don't have to be a Time Lord to memorise some technical details so that you can say 'Type 40!' or 'Impulse laser?' as the occasion arises.

They probably study specialised relatively low level courses in the chapter/house universities and given the Timelord honorific as part of Gallifreyan pomp and circumstance. Also those in the main central citadel may be the, "elite" *snigger* that have since recieved full timelord training incase.


Ah, but I don't want a female Doctor ON AUDIO. After Unbound: Exile I never, ever, EVER want Big Finish anywhere NEAR a female Doctor, even if she's the real, i.e. televisual, thing.

Understandable. Though you might have to suffer them using the new Rani and, "Missy" in the future which is just as bad.

Thank you! My Gallifrey relisten will be conduced with a stopwatch as well as a vodka bottle. Or two.

Sorry, if it's any conscelation I'll probably do the same.

It's ALWAYS a consolation to know that You Are Not Alone.

Wouldn't a duplicate hidden Gallifrey make more sense then a literal mudball planet, (a stupid idea in itself) with no facilities?

YES.

But these are TIME LORDS we're talking about.

Like in the EDA's which also had duplicaates in pocket dimensions... (God I hate Moffat for not using that).

Mind you, come The Ancestor Cell, said duplicates starting disappearing out of time even faster than the real thing.

Bloody Ancestor Cell.

Sad that Rose's chew toy had more of a backbone and gupta then 10.

But sweet that, after all these centuries, the Doctor still has these INSANE moments of over-compassion.

More evidence this franchise needs a professional more detailed series bible.

I think after the Leakey Bible everyone would prefer the hideous mess that is canon and continuity rather than even THINK about acquiring another one of these 'bible' things...

I like the Valeyard both in concept and actor choice.

Oh, the ACTOR'S fine. And had New Who or Lawrence Miles/Lance Parkin/Ben Aaronovtich/Daniel O'Mahony tackled a Dark Future Semi-Doctor Thing, I'm sure THEY'D'VE made the concept work.

It's good to have a villian that you think could actaully win against the Doctor.

I'm not sure I ever really believed the Valeyard could WIN against the Doctor (He Jests At Scars is not remotely convincing in this regard), it's just that I DIDN'T CARE WHICH OF 'EM WON.

He's used much better in Richcomixblogs's, "The Ten Doctors".

In WHAT!

Though you might have to suffer them using the new Rani and, "Missy" in the future which is just as bad.

Oh, MISSY would be marvellous. Sure, BF would do their best to ruin the character but I wouldn't hold it against her any more than I do Tom or McGann. I'd just be happy to hear her gloriously evil Scottish voice.

Haven't heard the new Rani yet. Luckily I already loathe the character so BF can't ruin her for me. Though the fact The Rani Elite is still going for too much on eBay suggests it might actually be GOOD...?

The Toy:

Oh god, not an extended dream-sequence. They're always so dull and pointless. And pretty nit-proof.

The Master gave Susan a jewel so she could inter-galactically telepathically Facebook people? REALLY?

And wouldn't she have wanted to take this from the TARDIS when she left - er, got locked out? So she could keep in touch with Grandfather?

Nyssa's mum sewed her initials on her bedspread? WHAT initials?

The Five Companions:

'If you no longer need me why are you keeping me here' is a pretty stupid question for Nyssa to be asking the Daleks, it's an open invitation to be exterminated. (Though I suppose it's not HER fault the Doc failed to give her a Dalek-crash-course like when he blessed Zoe with an Evil of the Daleks repeat...mind you, this must be set AFTER she met 'em in Renaissance of the Daleks, The Mutant Phase, Plague of the Daleks, Alien Heart/Dalek soul, etc...)

Also, did it not occur to her to just say NO to working for the Daleks? Doesn't she have PRINCIPLES? Limits to what she'll do to save her own skin?

Steven thought Hartnell would come back to visit him even though he KNEW Hartnell couldn't steer that TARDIS to save his life?

Ian's a lot older? Ian and Barbara are talking about retirement? Have they SOMEHOW NOT NOTICED that they're ageless immortals?

'Brave heart Polly' - Oi! Brave heart is for Tegan alone! What next, you'll burn up a star to say goodbye to Tegan or punch a diamond wall for four and a half billion years to resurrect Adric...?

Nyssa accuses the Doctor of never mentioning Susan? I'm sure there was some Short Trip in which Five was forced to confess the whole 'granddaughter' thing to his Companions after being caught out by a dramatic re-enactment of a Hartnell adventure...

The Doc 'didn't have much chance to catch up' with Susan in Five Docs? Really? What's to stop him spending MONTHS with her and her *shudders* husband and *more shudders* son (audios) or adopted children (novel) after returning her home in his TARDIS?

The Four Doctors:

'I have therefore allowed him access to our work, in line with security protocols' - how nice of you to have security protocols that entail giving any old alien access to your top-secret work...

Daleks: 'Frontal assault begins in fifteen rels' - they've only just announced they're on course for the Vault of Stellar Curiosities so a 'rel' is almost certainly suspiciously longer than a second...

'I'm a scientist, not a warrior' - Kalinda. 'I used to think the same about myself' - who d'you think you're fooling McGann, you're SO not-a-warrior that you had to beg the Sisterhood of Karn to give you a magic potion to turn you into one...

Kalinda is outraged by the Doctor suggesting they abandon her brother - that's the brother who's just sold her out to the Daleks.

The Doctor asks how Ulrik got here, and Ulrik starts the story from WHEN he arrived here rather than how the hell he'd travelled through time.

The Roboman just says 'Stay back' instead of attacking Ulrik when he approaches him - has he no WEAPONS?

'Close the TARDIS door behind you, Magran' - what, shove the doors with his hands, you mean?

Boy it's convenient how those resonating TARDISes keep saving Doctors at convenient moments.

Closure:

Dunno where the 'closure' bit comes in.

'It's little ironies like that that convince me as I get older that there's a grace that shapes our ends' - no there isn't! And since when has Benny regarded her goddess as anything but a swear-word? And if she was thinking of the Doctor, the time to regard HIM as the grace that shapes all our ends would have been when travelling with him, not years afterwards.

'I believe in nurture rather than nature' - you do? Oh poor sweet Benny. You'll change your mind when your half-Killoran son rips the love of your life to pieces. (Admittedly you didn't give him a great upbringing EITHER but to hell with it, it was probably MAINLY those rabid-dog genes...)

Why would Benny think providing the brat with a mother would stop it being a genocidal maniac? Especially a mother who'll KNOW, every time she looks at him, that he's gonna grow up to torture and kill millions of people...

Benny would probably kill herself if she ends up killing the baby? And Jason AGREED to this mission anyway?

ME in 2013: 'Eight, I think' - you THINK? What kind of cretin can't even count his own regenerations?

ME in 2014: *Embarrassed cough* I think I'd just like to retract this remark...

...OK, so Eight IS really Eight and should be able to work this out (using his fingers if necessary), but it has to be admitted that this 'counting your own regenerations' thing is trickier than hitherto suspected.

*Sigh* I'd just like to retract my 'Eight IS really Eight' statement...still, Ruth is totally worth this Timeless Children nonsense, right? RIGHT?

'How on Earth did you manage that' - Doctor to Susan, re having a son. Not only is that a seriously indelicate question, despite three follow-up audios its implication that Susan SHOULDN'T have been able to cross-breed with a human remains resolutely unexplored.

Also, the Doctor seems to be ignoring the fact Andred got Leela knocked up in Lungbarrow (as of course did the Gallifrey audios, about the only thing you can say in their favour) not to mention the fact HE went round claiming to be half-human on his mother's side...

(And likely to remain so, now that Alex is...y'know...DEAD.)

Yeah, well, some idiot Dalek saw fit to ship the Doc an Alex-from-an-alt-uni at the end of Time War 4 so *more sighing* who knows...

So when everyone's gazing up at the poor stranded-for-twenty-years Earthlings on the moon in An Earthly Child...Susan never once thinks '••••, maybe I shouldn't have BLOWN UP THAT PERFECTLY SERVICABLE DALEK FLYING SAUCER I FOUND' (After the Daleks)...?

So in the extras of Death and the Daleks, Bernice goes back in time to save space Hitler’s mother from being killed by an enemy soldier so he won’t grow up to be space Hitler.

Except she acts in an extreme and almost deranged manner up to that point as she’s not sure if it’ll be enough to change history.

Obviously space Hitler won’t still be space Hitler if his mum isn’t killed by an enemy solider. He’ll have a totally different upbringing and outlook, and if all else fails he’ll be at the wrong places at the wrong times to rise to power in the altered history. So why does she act so extremely?

Obviously space Hitler won’t still be space Hitler if his mum isn’t killed by an enemy solider. He’ll have a totally different upbringing and outlook, and if all else fails he’ll be at the wrong places at the wrong times to rise to power in the altered history. So why does she act so extremely?

I disagree. To quote CapaldiDoc, 'Like sewage and smartphones and Donald Trump, some things are just inevitable.'

Also, if Benny DID actually succeed in changing history, that could result in Reapers or Time Lords sterilising the wound, or a paradox that swallows the universe or SOMETHING...

Benny said that in this case the dictator wasn’t inevitable due to all the other factors in place, like all the other evil rulers in history, it was entirely him and his own worldview. So all she had to check was that his mum wasn’t as similarly mad, and that was obvious in seconds and Benny still didn’t calm down. And even if she had been, her surviving would have changed things enough that the dictator would have been a different person and not been able to rise to power, due to being in the wrong places at the wrong times, or having insufficient motivation.

The reapers shouldn’t even exist if they can only feed when two time travellers cross their own time streams twice. How could such a creature evolve naturally, how does it eat the rest of the time? Anyway they’d only show up if a second Benny came back to change what Benny 1 was up to.

Benny said that in this case the dictator wasn’t inevitable due to all the other factors in place, like all the other evil rulers in history

But the dictator WAS inevitable because he's part of Benny's own timeline, she's just been looking at his victims, that, um, fixes it or something...you know, like River's wrist having to be broken cos once you'd read about it in Angels Take Manhattan...

The reapers shouldn’t even exist if they can only feed when two time travellers cross their own time streams twice. How could such a creature evolve naturally, how does it eat the rest of the time?

I'm sure Big Finish will bestow a few Reapers stories on us to explain this sort of thing, sooner or later...

they’d only show up if a second Benny came back to change what Benny 1 was up to.

OK, that's true, maybe not Reapers, maybe just a paradox the size of Belgium or something...

Maybe Benny managed to not read anything about the dictator’s behaviour, or maybe reading only applies to Tardis time travel. Or maybe you can indirectly change things even if you have read about them. So if you went back early enough you could stop the guy who caught the Weeping Angel who broke River’s wrist, from becoming powerful enough to do that.

Some messing about with time seems permissible without breaking the universe. Day of the Daleks for example.

Maybe Benny managed to not read anything about the dictator’s behaviour

I would think SEEING IT WITH YOUR OWN EYES would be a helluvalot more fixing-it-in-history-in-general-and-your-personal-timeline-in-particular than just reading about it...

Some messing about with time seems permissible without breaking the universe.

Benny's Doctor was Seven, who did stretch the Laws of Time enough to leave his future self notes a lot, but he wasn't 'Time can be rewritten!' Eleven...

Day of the Daleks for example.

The Dalek Conquest of Earth was caused by a paradox in the first place which made it a lot more allowable to change it.

Seeing should fix it more but Doc said it was reading things that really fixed it.

Seven was pre the fixed points nonsense.

The Daleks were the ones who initially changed the pattern of history, which was what enabled them to invade Earth for a second time. The golden Dalek mentioned that when it was talking to the Doc. The Guerrillas were unable to change it back themselves as they were part of the altered history and weren’t Time Lords/they were operating on wrong information.

Seeing should fix it more but Doc said it was reading things that really fixed it.

I disagree. Though admittedly what Eleven says is open to either of our interpretations:

DOCTOR: This isn't any old future, Amy, it's ours. Once we know what's coming, it's fixed. I'm going to break something, because you told me that I'm going to do it. No choice now.
AMY: Time can be rewritten.
DOCTOR: Not once you've read it. Once we know what's coming, it's written in stone.

You're going with 'Not once you've read it' and I'm going with 'Once we know what's coming, it's written in stone'...

Seven was pre the fixed points nonsense.

There IS no pre-Fixed-Point-nonsense! Fixed Points have always, will always, be...well...fixed.

Seven just didn't happen to talk about it much. OK, at all.

The Daleks were the ones who initially changed the pattern of history, which was what enabled them to invade Earth for a second time

I took it as the other way round - they invaded Earth which changed history:

DALEK: The Daleks have discovered the secret of time travel. We have invaded Earth again. We have changed the pattern of history.
DOCTOR: You won't succeed, you know.

And even though they've succeeded for two centuries the Doc's convinced they won't succeed, which rather backs up my idea that Benny won't either.

DOCTOR: Not once you've read it. Once we know what's coming, it's written in stone.

You're going with 'Not once you've read it' and I'm going with 'Once we know what's coming, it's written in stone'...

Stone is not indestructible.

Well, it obviously is in the Whoniverse, or at least, the Doctor weirdly THINKS it is (Blink: 'In the sight of any living thing, they literally turn to stone. And you can't kill a stone').

Maybe it’s to do with reading your own exact future, not just something you will be involved in.

There wasn’t a single mention of fixed points in the original series, and people like Sutekh successfully messed up time without breaking reality. Maybe the Time War messed up the laws of time. Doc did say the Time Lords were a stabilising influence.

I took the Daleks line to mean they changed history then invaded. Otherwise they couldn’t have invaded an Earth devastated by World War 3.

The Daleks second invasion was only undone by the Doctor’s involvement. It’s a reasonable safe bet that Doc wouldn’t step in to turn the Dictator back into his evil self.

There wasn’t a single mention of fixed points in the original series

'You can't change history! Not one line!'

I suspect Sexy mistranslated 'Fixed Points' as 'History'.

Doc did say the Time Lords were a stabilising influence.

Yeah, but Tennant later admitted he only said nice stuff about the Time Lords cos he thought they were safely DEAD.

It’s a reasonable safe bet that Doc wouldn’t step in to turn the Dictator back into his evil self.

This is the guy who SAVED ADOLF HITLER'S LIFE (Let's Kill Hitler), not to mention inspires him at the moment he's about to give up (Timewyrm: Exodus) so I wouldn't put any money on your 'safe bet'.

Except when it turns out you can rewrite history, as we saw quite a few times. Day of the Daleks, Pyramid of Mars, even the events of the Curse of Fenric changed the history of the polluted future Earth so it never came to be. So that’s more of a principle the Doc and Time Lords abide by than a law of physics, and they clearly don’t enforce it terrible well or we’d have seen them step in to sort the above examples.

Despite the End of Time portraying the Time Lords overly negatively, they did do good as well as bad, and even Doc says they got worse during the war.

Hitler is from Earth history and we know how precious Doc can be about that, or maybe he abides by the principle that with Europe being as it was, there would always have been someone like Hitler, perhaps someone who wouldn’t make the same mistakes in the war and that’s something to be avoided at all costs.

Maybe this planet isn’t a fixed point. Benny says it’s a unique chance to change history as it’s all down to one man and apparently there’s no lesson to be learned with the planet going to be abandoned (though I’d have thought hearing about that would teach the rest of humanity a lesson on war) so it’s safe for her to prevent the war. Doc later says that the universe can compensate for the Trickster’s beetles messing up history (that’s another bit of history you can change btw) so maybe the universe can compensate for this planet not having a world war

Except when it turns out you can rewrite history, as we saw quite a few times. Day of the Daleks, Pyramid of Mars, even the events of the Curse of Fenric

I regard the first two as proof that you CAN'T change history - the wrong timelines got switched back, after all.

maybe he abides by the principle that with Europe being as it was, there would always have been someone like Hitler, perhaps someone who wouldn’t make the same mistakes in the war and that’s something to be avoided at all costs

Yeah, Exodus said as much. I wasn't particularly convinced.

Maybe this planet isn’t a fixed point

Something doesn't have to be a Fixed Point to be part of established history.

Doc later says that the universe can compensate for the Trickster’s beetles messing up history (that’s another bit of history you can change btw)

And another bit of history you can CHANGE RIGHT BACK just by turning left.

so maybe the universe can compensate for this planet not having a world war

Yeah, GodEngine demonstrated exactly how the universe compensates for lives being saved when they shouldn't be. Said lives end up DEAD, just a bit later in a different way. I strongly suspect that's why the Master found it so easy to destroy Gallifrey - it was MEANT to be gone and the Doctors' blatant interference in history did sod-all long-term good.

Doc had to switch back the timelines, and changing things didn’t break the universe.

I guess we find it hard to imagine how there couldn’t have been a second World War considering the state of the world in the 30s, particularly with the problems Germany was having.

But if something isn’t a fixed point it can be changed, such as Doc possibly being able to negotiate a truce between humanity and the Silurians in 2020.

Doc mentioned Donna was an unusual case and that history shouldn’t have been changed to that extent and that the universe should have compensated, so a different secretary would have taken Donna’s place and the episodes should have unfolded more or less as we saw it. Had she not become the Doctor/Donna she’d have lived a normal life and never turned back left again.

So a comet or something would have hit the planet, still it’s worth a try.

I guess we find it hard to imagine how there couldn’t have been a second World War considering the state of the world in the 30s, particularly with the problems Germany was having.

Plenty of countries have economic catastrophes without starting world wars.

But if something isn’t a fixed point it can be changed, such as Doc possibly being able to negotiate a truce between humanity and the Silurians in 2020.

But he WASN'T, was he, and frankly it was obvious he was deluded if he genuinely thought he (Amy n'Nasreen. Whatever.) could.

It was wildly optimistic to think we could share the world with a hostile species. For all the ‘both as bad as each other’ vibes the Silurian stories try to give off, the Silurians are the others attacking us and we’re only reacting and trying to defend ourselves from appalling violence and attacks.

Also there are 7 billion people on the Doctor Who Earth in 2020, unless the Silurians have some super advanced, eco friendly agriculture tech to grow crops in the desert, there isn’t enough food to go round. Also are Brits really the people to draw up treaties to agree to give bits of the deserts in Africa, Americas, Asia and Australia to the Silurians.

It was wildly optimistic to think we could share the world with a hostile species

Hear, hear. We can't even share it with OURSELVES FFS.

For all the ‘both as bad as each other’ vibes the Silurian stories try to give off, the Silurians are the others attacking us and we’re only reacting and trying to defend ourselves from appalling violence and attacks.

•••• right. And yet the Doctor seems oblivious of this, even lyingly claiming in Cold Blood that the humans had been the aggressors (an insane thing to say to those particular Silurians at that particular time even if it had been TRUE).

Also there are 7 billion people on the Doctor Who Earth in 2020, unless the Silurians have some super advanced, eco friendly agriculture tech to grow crops in the desert, there isn’t enough food to go round

To be fair, it's kinda implied they DO. Cold Blood:

AMY: So, what about the areas that aren't habitable to us? Australian outback, Sahara desert, Nevada plains. They're all deserted.
ELDANE: If I could get a word in, maybe I could tell you. You give us space, we can bring new sources of energy, new methods of water supply, new medicines, scientific advances. We were a great civilisation. You provide a place for us on the surface, we'll give you knowledge and technology beyond humanity's dreams.

Also are Brits really the people to draw up treaties to agree to give bits of the deserts in Africa, Americas, Asia and Australia to the Silurians

Good point. Though at least Amy and Nasreen are, ethnically speaking, from countries that have been oppressed by dear old Blighty...

Yeah, it’s a common problem with Silurian and Sea Devil stories, they really need to do another one where they acknowledge just how badly the Silurians behaved, also Doc wiped out the Sea Devil colony so that’s on him.

At least they thought of the problems with sharing the world although even these Silurians haven’t seen much of our civilisation and their medicines may or may not work on us, we don’t know for sure how good their agriculture technology is. Although as I’ve mentioned before they get more and more advanced with every appearance.

I sincerely doubt that any of the Africans would be terribly impressed by a Scot likening the England Scotland relationship to their experience. They wouldn’t be likely to feel a second/third generation British Indian represented them either. Doc should have encouraged them to be more proactive than essentially waste time basically the equivalent of a debating society.

also Doc wiped out the Sea Devil colony so that’s on him.

Yeah, and it's not even as if he had to do it to save the world or anything, their plan to conquer the Earth seemed to involve...sinking the occasional boat.

although even these Silurians haven’t seen much of our civilisation and their medicines may or may not work on us

Their PLAGUE worked on us just fine...

they get more and more advanced with every appearance

'Advanced' is one word for it, I'm not sure the word's been INVENTED with which I'd describe the Legend Of MAGICALLY DISSOLVING INTO GREEN MIST fiasco...

I sincerely doubt that any of the Africans would be terribly impressed by a Scot likening the England Scotland relationship to their experience

I'm sure the Scots could given them heart-rending tales of Culloden. Or something.

Doc should have encouraged them to be more proactive than essentially waste time basically the equivalent of a debating society.

Doc should have done the job himself, 99.9% of the time s/he's all paternalistically saving other people's planets whether they like it or not, it's so WEIRD when s/he suddenly comes over all 'Your Moon/Earth/whatever, womankind, your choice!' all of a sudden...

Yep the channel Sea Devils were onto a loser but I don’t blame Doc for ending it before anyone else got hurt.

The plague was already made with us in mind, or at least it was for our ancestors, they had to modify it. Whereas their medicine would be made for them alone.

Doc mentioned he/she hands over to us for certain crossroads in the timeline. Although if we make the ‘wrong’ choice suddenly a ton of fixed points can’t happen so maybe that’s why he/she steps back and keeps out of it, to make sure history carries on on the right course.

All of this means I doubt Doc would have any trouble with Benny preventing this dictator coming to be.

Yep the channel Sea Devils were onto a loser but I don’t blame Doc for ending it before anyone else got hurt

Yeah, another few episodes of The Sea Devils and I'd've been hurt. Or maybe hurting someone...

The plague was already made with us in mind, or at least it was for our ancestors, they had to modify it. Whereas their medicine would be made for them alone.

You're forgetting some Silurians had a total ape-obsession...Tuvok in Bloodtide, for instance...

Doc mentioned he/she hands over to us for certain crossroads in the timeline. Although if we make the ‘wrong’ choice suddenly a ton of fixed points can’t happen so maybe that’s why he/she steps back and keeps out of it, to make sure history carries on on the right course.

Surely that would be all the MORE reason for the Doctor to remain firmly in charge, screwing with a Fixed Point ruins the UNIVERSE...

I liked the Sea Devils episode, maybe I think more highly of it as it’s one of the first I saw ever.

Some Silurians did, such as the Silurian leader in the novelisation, he kept an ape as a pet in Silurian times, still they were very much the exception rather than the norm. They may not even have had mammal vets.

Doc may not necessarily know how we get to a fixed point. So if they step in they may make the wrong choice which messes up the fixed point.

As the universe didn’t break after all this I guess it means the dictator is not a huge part of history.

Some Silurians did, such as the Silurian leader in the novelisation, he kept an ape as a pet in Silurian times, still they were very much the exception rather than the norm. They may not even have had mammal vets.

Other episodes establish that the Silurians went into hibernation before the end of the cretaceous. There were no apes at that time. Heck, there weren't even primates at that time.

I liked the Sea Devils episode, maybe I think more highly of it as it’s one of the first I saw ever

Alright, I admit...I like it too. I'm not saying it's any GOOD, mind you...

Doc may not necessarily know how we get to a fixed point

But s/he can see everything. All that is, all that was, all that ever could be! (Parting of the Ways)

As the universe didn’t break after all this I guess it means the dictator is not a huge part of history.

No, it just means he's not a Fixed Point. Or that Benny's stupid plan failed.

Other episodes establish that the Silurians went into hibernation before the end of the cretaceous. There were no apes at that time. Heck, there weren't even primates at that time.

Mere scientific facts can't trump the ape-pet in the Cave Monsters (sure it's only a novelisation but until Day of the Doctor appeared it was THE novelisation, the absolute best, so much better than what we saw on-screen), The Silurians' here's-an-ape-plague-we-made-earlier, Bloodtide's Silurians-experimenting-with-apes-created-humanity etc etc...

If Doc could see everything they pour never be surprised by anything.

Benny unnecessarily treating the mother like that may have caused her to raise the dictator differently. Perhaps she was traumatised after this and a bad mother which the dictator blamed on the other side. Or the mother over compensated which pushed him down that hateful path. Or she was emotionally distant to the dictator (I mean she told Benny she was prepared to kill him, that’s a messed up relationship) which again caused him to be evil. Really the best thing to do was to stop the soldier killing the mother and really that should be enough. It’s not like it’s possible for the dictator to have been more evil.

Also what was an archaeologist doing at the liberation of this house of horrors?

They did refer to our ape ancestors in the TV story Doctor Who and the Silurians as well (that’s why they had the virus ready) so in the shows history we coexisted. The date they went into hibernation varies from 419 million years ago (the end of the Silurian era) to about 50 million years ago (coexisting with our ape ancestors). So the show has never really got the date pinned down. Maybe apes evolved earlier on this Earth

If Doc could see everything they pour never be surprised by anything.

But it's such a weird lie for Eccy and Tennant to tell.

Benny unnecessarily treating the mother like that may have caused her to raise the dictator differently. Perhaps she was traumatised after this and a bad mother which the dictator blamed on the other side. Or the mother over compensated which pushed him down that hateful path. Or she was emotionally distant to the dictator (I mean she told Benny she was prepared to kill him, that’s a messed up relationship) which again caused him to be evil.

Agreed. Web of Time aside, the plan had more holes in it than a Sea Devil's string vest.

Really the best thing to do was to stop the soldier killing the mother and really that should be enough. It’s not like it’s possible for the dictator to have been more evil.

Really the best thing to do was to just KILL THE BABY.

Also what was an archaeologist doing at the liberation of this house of horrors?

Practice at digging stuff up, I guess, even if said stuff would be a lot fresher than usual.

Maybe apes evolved earlier on this Earth

I don't see how we and the Whoniverse would both have ended up with a Richard Dawkins, Patrick Moore, Ann Widdecombe etc etc at exactly the same time if we evolved billions of years apart.

I always took their time sense as a general awareness not omniscient knowledge.

The survival of the mother was more than enough to change the course of the dictator’s life, and Benny could have been much more softly softly in finding out the kind of person the mother was. Even if she had massively hated the enemy, her still being around would alter thing’s enough to prevent the second war.

I’m surprised the peacekeepers would want her around, even if they know she is a space hero, soldiers don’t like babysitting civvies.

Maybe the arrival of the moon and Adric’s freighter delayed the advent of the missing link to the same time as our Earth so humanity still evolved into homo sapiens at the same time on both Earth’s.

I always took their time sense as a general awareness not omniscient knowledge.

That would make a lot more sense but isn't what they actually SAID on this issue.

Still...the Doctor lies.

Though Nine lying to a mind-blown Bad-Wolf-Rose-Tyler-Goddess-Creature would have been pointlessly stupid, in the circumstances. Whilst Ten lying to Donna to (fail to) assert his Time Lordly authority makes a bit more sense.

The survival of the mother was more than enough to change the course of the dictator’s life, and Benny could have been much more softly softly in finding out the kind of person the mother was. Even if she had massively hated the enemy, her still being around would alter thing’s enough to prevent the second war.

Or...not.

It's probably having a - thanks to Benny - mother suffering from serious PTSD that results in the genocidal-dictator growing up to be a genocidal-dictator, this time round...

I’m surprised the peacekeepers would want her around, even if they know she is a space hero, soldiers don’t like babysitting civvies.

Having embedded journalists seems to be the norm these days, so having an embedded archaeologist wouldn't be such a big deal.

Maybe the arrival of the moon and Adric’s freighter delayed the advent of the missing link to the same time as our Earth so humanity still evolved into homo sapiens at the same time on both Earth’s.

Come to think of it, it's pretty weird we parallel-evolved ANYWAY, we're not just missing out on Adder's freighter and the chicken-dragon-foetus-moon-thing, we're also devoid of Silence and Jaggeroth and Daemons and Silurians and Exxilons to guide our evolution...

'How on Earth did you manage that' - Doctor to Susan, re having a son. Not only is that a seriously indelicate question, despite three follow-up audios its implication that Susan SHOULDN'T have been able to cross-breed with a human remains resolutely unexplored. (And likely to remain so, now that Alex is...y'know...DEAD.)

My bad, someone gives the Eighth Doctor a box with a living-Alex-from-an-alternative-universe in it cos OF COURSE they do...

Maybe even superpowered Rose was willing to accept a bit of hyperbole.

Yep that’s how the universe compensates, Benny’s extreme behaviour and pushing the mother to this point is just asking to cause the dictator. Hopefully the butterfly effect kicks in and even if the dictator still ends up messed up, he never rises to power and ends up as just another bigot.

An embedded journalist seems to serve more function than an embedded archaeologist. Maybe she was an embedded space adventurer or something.

I’m not going to get into the intelligent design debate, though considering how Doc and other characters discuss the universe hiding planets or compensating for the Trickster’s bugs changing people’s destinies, or people still being born regardless of changed history or the time war and second big band not effecting any real world events, there’s an argument to be made that something more is going on in the Who universe.

Maybe even superpowered Rose was willing to accept a bit of hyperbole.

Alright, maybe she DID have other things on her mind, like said mind agonisingly being about to explode...

Yep that’s how the universe compensates, Benny’s extreme behaviour and pushing the mother to this point is just asking to cause the dictator. Hopefully the butterfly effect kicks in and even if the dictator still ends up messed up, he never rises to power and ends up as just another bigot.

Look, if DONALD TRUMP could make it, so can this dictator (did we ever get a name?)...

An embedded journalist seems to serve more function than an embedded archaeologist

Not if you need to dig up and catalogue A LOT of bones.

I’m not going to get into the intelligent design debate, though considering how Doc and other characters discuss the universe hiding planets or compensating for the Trickster’s bugs changing people’s destinies, or people still being born regardless of changed history or the time war and second big band not effecting any real world events, there’s an argument to be made that something more is going on in the Who universe.

Yeah. It's called THE DOCTOR.

No we never got a name for him. Really one of them should have mentioned it but it doesn’t really matter what his name is.

I’m sure archaeologists aren’t the best to work on recent mass graves.

Something other than the Doctor, he doesn’t make the universe compensate for the Trickster or ensure certain people are born for example

I’m sure archaeologists aren’t the best to work on recent mass graves.

Well, forensic scientists would be better but if there's a shortage of 'em I don't see why archaeologists wouldn't do, even if they'd be a bit freaked-out by the skeletons having rotting flesh attached...

Something other than the Doctor, he doesn’t make the universe compensate for the Trickster or ensure certain people are born for example

She probably DOES, the BBC just didn't bother filming those episodes...

Yeah that sounds a good reason not to use archaeologists as it would be something they weren’t suited to deal with.

Nah Doc 10 explicitly said that the Time Lords were needed to maintain the universe a bit, like allowing travel to parallel universes, and things were worse without them. If he could maintain the universe like them he’d have done it. And as we saw he was affected by the changes things like the Trixter were doing. So the universe maintains itself somehow in a way it logically shouldn’t.

Yeah that sounds a good reason not to use archaeologists as it would be something they weren’t suited to deal with.

ORDINARY archaeologists maybe but this is BERNICE SUMMERFIELD, ex-Companion, i.e. person who's used to a LOT of freshly-dead bodies...

Nah Doc 10 explicitly said that the Time Lords were needed to maintain the universe a bit

Yeah, Doc 10 ALSO explicitly said that he lied through his teeth about the Time Lords after offing 'em...(End of Time: WILF: But I've heard you talk about your people like they're wonderful.
DOCTOR: That's how I choose to remember them, the Time Lords of old.)

like allowing travel to parallel universes

Yeah, but all that 'When the Time Lords kept their eye on everything, you could hop between realities, home in time for tea' stuff was in direct contradiction to Inferno in which alt-unis came as quite the surprise, not to mention EVERY OTHER WHO STORY EVER.

If he could maintain the universe like them he’d have done it

He DID maintain the bloody ungrateful universe, the STARS started going out as soon as he died...(Name of the Doctor.)

And as we saw he was affected by the changes things like the Trixter were doing

OK, remind me what exactly was going on with the Doctor and the Trickster...

So the universe maintains itself somehow in a way it logically shouldn’t.

Twice Upon a Time:

DOCTOR 1: There is good and there is evil. I left Gallifrey to answer a question of my own. By any analysis, evil should always win. Good is not a practical survival strategy. It requires loyalty, self-sacrifice and er, love. So, why does good prevail? What keeps the balance between good and evil in this appalling universe? Is there some kind of logic? Some mysterious force?
BILL: Perhaps there's just a bloke.
DOCTOR 1: A bloke?
BILL: Yeah. Perhaps there's just some bloke, wandering around, putting everything right when it goes wrong.
DOCTOR 1: Well, that would be a nice story, wouldn't it?
BILL: That would be the best.
DOCTOR 1: But the real world is not a fairy tale.
BILL: You dash around the universe trying to figure out what's holding it all together, and you really, really don't know?
DOCTOR 1: You know me in the future. Do I ever understand?
BILL: No. I really don't think you do. Everyone who's ever met you does.

Return to the Web Planet:

'You have a new scent. And you are very ugly' - *since* Tim would be ripping Hedyla's wings off right now if a rampaging mob hadn't got there first...

'The Zarbi don't have any concept of pockets, they haven't tried to search me' - it's practically a nit that for the first and last time in Who history we actually GET A DECENT EXPLANATION for why practically no one bothers SERACHING THE DOCTOR'S POCKETS when they capture her/him.

Hedyla's fine with other names but oddly incapable with Nyssa's.

'I am the Speaker for Mother Life' truly is the new 'Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without your plum pudding.'

Why would anyone (let alone the swanning-off Doc) stay HERE for a holiday?!

Her Final Flight:

Since when has the Sixth Doc drunk Oolong tea?

'We can't just let this happen' - Peri. 'No, you're right' - the Doctor didn't think that they couldn't-let-this-happen BEFORE Peri informed him of this, even after seeing the kid killed?

So...the Doc decides not to look the real Peri up. After realising he should've just have taken the Time Lords' word for it that she was happy. The HELL he should!

'Wait! You can't just abandon me here!' - He's blowing up the ship with you in it, moron, getting stuck on this godforsaken world is the LAST thing you need to worry about.

Return of the Krotons:

'This is the time of the solar flares' - WHICH solar flares!

'I knew there must have been more than Nerva!' - well, YEAH, cos you MET the weird-accented losers in the story straight after Nerva...

Doctor: 'It's been buried for a long time.' Charley: 'Long enough for everyone inside to be dead and gone?' Doctor: 'Let's hope so' - charming.

CD Extras:

'You suspect something is going on but you don't know what' - oh, I don't know, the title is really helpful in this regard...

BF went to the trouble of dragging in some poor guy who was in The Krotons, did he not suffer enough?

Philip Madoc wisely starts talking about Brain of Morbius (and its 'gang of ladies') rather than this audio.

December 17 2023 marks 10 years since the release of Trial of the Valeyard from Big Finish.

Trial of the Valeyard is Big Finish’s sequel to the Trial of a Time Lord.

Written by Alan Barnes and Mike Maddox.

This sadly marked Lynda Bellingham’s final performance as Inquisitor Darkel as she died almost a year after this story’s release in October 2014.

In Trial of a Time Lord, the Sixth Doctor was placed on trial and gets prosecuted by the Valeyard.

As it says in the title of Trial of the Valeyard, the tables are turned as the Valeyard is on trial.

However instead of the Doctor prosecuting the Valeyard just like the Valeyard did to the Doctor in the Doctor’s aforementioned trial, the Doctor instead defends him.

I had thought it was absolutely intriguing story as we listen to the Valeyard about his origins as well as what happened when the Doctor visited the planet after the Valeyard’s trial was concluded.

If there was a niggle about this story is that about the number of regenerations a Time Lord can have that has inconsistently been stated throughout this story.

As established back in The Deadly Assassin, a Time Lord can only regenerate 12 times and this means 13 lives. (Of course the rules of regeneration would be changed on television in The Time of the Doctor eight days later on Christmas 2013.)

However it has been stated in Trial of the Valeyard that a Time Lord has 12 lives, 12 regenerations, a 13th regeneration is dangerous and then 13 lives and finally at the end in a conversation between the Doctor and Darkel that the Doctor has six regenerations left. However since this is the Sixth Doctor, six regenerations would bring the Doctor to his 12th incarnation meaning he would have one more regeneration to bring to his 13th and final incarnation.

All this was an obvious confusion between the Doctor’s regenerations and incarnations which are not one and the same thing. This error is grating for what I thought is an otherwise well-delivered story.

As established back in The Deadly Assassin, a Time Lord can only regenerate 12 times and this means 13 lives. (Of course the rules of regeneration would be changed on television in The Time of the Doctor eight days later on Christmas 2013.)

Actually they were changed in Five Docs when the High Council offered the Master a new regeneration cycle...unless they were lying and he was gullible...

An Earthly Child:

'Mrs Campbell, is this a bid for office' - why is the Earth Council roaring with laughter at the idea? She's a member of said Council after all, she and her late lamented husband were at the centre of the freeing of Earth from Dalek control, and she ran for President in After the Daleks...

'Gentlemen, I have called you here' - all the non-Susan members of the Earth Council are MEN?

Susan thought she would never see her Grandfather again?

CD Extras:

McGann gives his Not We status away by expressing astonishment about the existence of his granddaughter.

What's a devastated, technology-phobic planet doing with a centralised Council and why is it based in London?

Well guess what, Ace's - sorry, Dee McShane's - Earth Presidency is also based in dear old London...one can't help but think it might be more sensible to situate 'em as far away as possible from the universe's premier invasion spot...