BF website: 'Novice Hame (now a Senator!) returning, played by Anna Hope' - well I should bloody well HOPE (no pun intended) so, not much point in returning to New Earth without her, but what's this nonsense about being a mere SENATOR? Usually there's nothing I'd rejoice in more than a theocratic dictator being overthrown but come on, she's a CAT, even the feline-hating Tenth Doctor admitted that EVERY city needs cats in charge...

And Jabe has a sapling? To think I'd assumed that she was saving her liana for Eccleston alone...

...but come on, she's a CAT, even the feline-hating Tenth Doctor admitted that EVERY city needs cats in charge...

Her being a senator doesn't excluse some other cat being in charge.

And Jabe has a sapling? To think I'd assumed that she was saving her liana for Eccleston alone...

Many trees can reproduce by cuttings as well as by seeds, making fathers optional.

Her being a senator doesn't excluse some other cat being in charge.

Hmm, that's true, guess I just assumed that most of the druggie loser Undercity dwellers were mere humans (or human-lovers like our darling Thomas Kincade Brannigan) but obviously there MUST have been more felines who got saved (anything else wouldn't bear thinking about) and of course they'd've risen straight to the top of that society due to natural superiority (and GORGEOUS looks).

Many trees can reproduce by cuttings as well as by seeds, making fathers optional.

Ah yes, I should have remembered all those cuttings of her grandfather Jabe was handing out with merry abandon...

Looks like this one is the next item on my reviewing agenda.

Huzzah. Stoopid cat stories...

Hame converted the Doctor from fake-cat-hater to cat-lover in one fell swoop (OK, so Brannigan's kids probably had something to do with it), you'll be getting yourself a Tosh Mark II by the time she's through with you...

Well THIS set better improve or my way too nice review record will come to an abrupt end......

Oh. Dear.

There's absolutely no point in telling YOU to just look at the cute kitty on the cover!, is there...

To be honest, cats are the very least of this set's problems.

Personally, I've ALWAYS regarded cats as the least of anyone's problems, even in New Earth/Planet of Giants/Survival...

Well that's five hours I'm never getting back. What a pointless exercise!

Of course, having said that, Emily will declare it the greatest audio since....erm...some audio that she actually liked....

Have just heard the first one and don't think your reaction is entirely justified. I mean, sure it's pointless and devoid of a shred of originality and sadly there's nothing remotely furry or purry about Hame's voice I NEED TO SEE HER FLUFFY GOODNESS but it's certainly no more pointless or unoriginal than MOST Big Finishes.

And here is my review of this mess of a set.

with little interest to people who are not fans of the Doctor Who episodes on which they are based

Entirely irrelevant. How can anyone NOT love New Earth and Gridlock!

Escape from New New York:

PERHAPS Devon and Thorn together will have enough credits for an apartment in the upper Undercity - though there must be millions of empty (if with skeletal-remains) Overcity apartments?

'But you're a cat!' - doesn't New New York have LAWS about this sort of blatant speciesism?

'Just automatons aren't they' - you've just SEEN their 'Prepare to receive your soul' ceremony! What's WRONG with you!

The HELL New New York was badly decayed by Gridlock! (We MUST have learnt how to construct fairly resilient buildings by the year five billion, SURELY?)

'I'm a touch unwell, perhaps we could go inside' 'Of course' - why does Hame sound so bloody sympathetic when the President's just confessed to sacrificing loads of people in exchange for building maintenance? And why isn't she sensing a trap?

The Face of Boe is worshipped in several galaxies?!

'Equals?' 'Equals' - Like ANY human (let alone a New Human) could be the EQUAL of a CAT!

Um, why does Hame suddenly decide that she and Devon will need lots of off-world trips?

Death in the New Forest:

Where do all these Trees COME from? Were they not affected by the plague? If not, where the hell WERE they when everyone was going round a sodding motorway for twenty-four years?

'We do have some food for New Humans' - how can they tell that Devon's a New Human rather than just, y'know, a HUMAN? And do they eat different food?

The Doctor's here to pay his debt to Jabe? Come ON. If he went round the universe helping the saplings of EVERYONE he'd got killed he'd never have time for any FUN.

Thorn's from a high-branch family? What was he doing as a lowly Elevator Lodge technician, then?

'Why doesn't the Senate know about this' - because judging by the previous episode, absolutely no one can be arsed to inform the Senate whenever tons of people are being slaughtered. You of all people should know this, Devon.

'In the old days they used to hunt my people for sport and food' - •••• that was one screwed-up planet, what with all the homophobic-god-and-goddess-bothering, torture-of-New-Humans, Oochy-Coochies-wasting-their-time-tending-to-ape-descendants, mad-professors-inflicting-afterlives-on-innocent-people, rampaging-plagues and Tree-People-devoured-by-giant-termites...and that's BEFORE you start considering that a giant head was teleporting around the place having sex with everyone (well, I ASSUME he was, he's CAPTAIN JACK for heaven's sake...).

Devon certainly takes his time in realising (or at least in stating out loud) that a new religion involving pulsing light means - duh - LUX. And then he just says it makes him uneasy, he doesn't explain his recent history with Lux Incorporated even though it would be RATHER HELPFUL to the current multiple-murder investigation.

'Let them ask for an equal share of the land using the Senate. Try diplomacy.' 'Where has that got us?' - well, QUITE. I hate to agree with the genocidal maniacs but...said Senate HAS just stolen their entire continent from them.

Blimey, the Termatons could be a bit QUICKER about knocking the sonic screwdriver out of the Doctor's hands after he uses it to torture them with several times.

'The Lux is allowing us to see! It's letting us escape!' - and, er, WHY would the Lux do that for its mortal enemies?

'There should have been another way' - who d'you think you ARE, TennantDoc, your own FATHER-IN-LAW? (I mean, the DAVISON father-in-law, not the Rory Williams one. Obviously.)

I see my review is not exactly missing the mark after all....

And I'm impressed you haven't uttered the phrase "fake TennantDoc" yet.

I see my review is not exactly missing the mark after all....

I just don't understand why you think they're any worse than most other BFs.

Unless, like me, you regard Seasons 1/27-3/29 Year Five Billion Trilogy as the highlight of your entire miserable existence and if BF are battening off it like a leech you really think they should have made a bit more EFFORT (though after that Tenth Doctor n'Rose trilogy they made sod-all effort for, you should have known better) and, oh yeah, you rather feel they should have remembered niggling little continuity points like PRACTICALLY EVERYONE'S DEAD YOU MORONS!!!

I'm impressed you haven't uttered the phrase "fake TennantDoc" yet.

I am scrupulously fair and Devon is narrating an account of his adventures in which he happens to give (better-than-average, frankly) imitations of dear old Ten, it's not like he's blasphemously pretending to BE the Doctor a la Briggs' Nine, Treloar's Three, Bradley's One etc...

I just don't understand why you think they're any worse than most other BFs.
Look I get it is hard to say and you are trying valiantly to find some good in it, but repeat after me...slowly now.... "Rodney....was....right...."

he happens to give (better-than-average, frankly) imitations of dear old Ten,
And I think Briggs does an outstanding Ecclestraitor (and to be equally fair, Hinzes' Doc 2 is more than acceptable). Not a huge fan of Treloar's 3 though....

repeat after me...slowly now.... "Rodney....was....right...."

Of course you'll understand that I still have an episode-and-a-half to go and have high hopes they'll spare me from ever having to utter such a vilely unnatural line.

I mean, they've got to explain where ALL THE PEOPLE CAME FROM at SOME point, plus Devon's bound to develop a personality any minute now, right...

Right...??

I think Briggs does an outstanding Ecclestraitor

Well, definitely 'outstanding' in the sense that it really stands out...

Skies of New Earth:

'Those clouds are going to get fracked whether you're standing on them or not' is a somewhat reckless thing for Evil Corporation Guy to say in front of a journalist (well he's not to know Devon's lying about being a journalist). Obviously he eventually realises this, but I'm not sure that threatening to kill said journalist if he publishes said comment is exactly gonna help.

DEVON gets the fact that 'turned up to 11' is a hilarious joke, even though I needed it explained to me after The Lazarus Experiment. (I have never, of course, claimed to be an expert in late twentieth/early twenty-first century human culture but I flatter myself I'm likely to be slightly more of an expert than someone from a different planet in FIVE BILLION YEARS TIME.)

It's a 'new experience' for Devon to be regarded as a stranger, an alien? HELLO! In the VERY LAST EPISODE everyone was a Tree and massively suspicious of the potentially-murderous human SCUM.

The Senate approves the trial of Lux power across New Kaylum - really, guys, REALLY? Just as a matter of interest, how many people do they have to kill before you do something craaaaazy like bring them to justice instead?

The Lux: 'We are burning.' The Doctor, with a shrug: 'Should have put on Factor 50' - look, I don't actually mind him taunting the bad guys (hell, I don't mind him taunting the GOOD guys with 'Top layer if you want to say a few words' and suchlike) but I DO expect it to be funny.

Even that moron Devon* knows the Lux will be back, why does the Doctor keep popping in and out to deal with their latest Fiendish Scheme instead of staying on New Earth for a few days and rooting the whole problem out?

*I'm sorry, I'm being racist or something, he's not a moron (even though he obviously should be with parents like THAT), I'm just taking out my increasing disappointment in this box set on him. Which is only fair as he is the main character, and all. (You know, it really really works when the Doctors are being supporting characters in RIVER SONG's audios. Devon Pryce's, not so much.)

I'm just taking out my increasing disappointment in this box set on him.
*starts to do the "I Told You So" dance last seen when performed by Tim McCree the last time the board went bananas*

Sunshine, if you'd actually said something of surpassing brilliance (say, ten years ago, 'The Thirteenth Doctor will be a woman!' or 'Tom Baker will return in glory for our 3-D Fiftieth Anniversary extravaganza!') then you'd be perfectly justified in doing the I Told You So dance on a daily basis FOREVER, but as all you said was that a Big Finish audio was 'disappointing'...well, you could say that of ANY Big Finish audio and you'd have 90% odds of being correct.

Cats of New Cairo:

'Cats always land on their feet' - so how come Hame is injured in the crash and Devon isn't?

'That's why he didn't come when I called! He's trapped outside!' - er, yes, Hame, but didn't you realise that SEVERAL HOURS ago?

The Most High Persian thinks he'll ascend to godhood, courtesy of the Lux? Don't be ridiculous, he's a CAT, even if he didn't happen to be the POPE of all cats he'd know perfectly well that he's ALREADY ascended to godhood.

I'm used to the Who novels hurting oochies and gouging out someone's eyes every time, but this has taken a shortcut and...burnt out an oochy's eyes. Lovely.

The Sisters of Fortitude have a male Pope why, exactly?

Hame's anti-racist stirring inspiring speeches are having the usual effect of such things and instantly turning me into a racist. (What about the Cat-murdering Scorpion-People, eh? Don't tell me THEY'VE got just as much right as anyone else to exist, you equalist maniac.)

All that 'Devon's dead!' 'No he isn't!' stuff frankly makes the fatal mistake of assuming that anyone CARES whether Devon's alive or dead.

Director Helen Goldwyn in DWM: 'This series is very different to Doctor Who. It's completely its own thing' - sure, that's why you have to have a fake-Doctor popping by every two seconds...

Anna Hope (our beloved Novice Hame, allegedly, though frankly she looks nothing LIKE Fluffy Darling in the photo): 'She's definitely seen the error of her previous ways' - ERROR?! It's hardly Precious's fault those bloody zombies invented migration of sentience BY MAGIC or something!

'I think she probably feels quite...well, even motherly towards [Devon]' - she DOES? Since WHEN! Cats don't tend to go in for motherly feelings, frankly, even towards their own adorable little kittens who they've been known to, well, EAT.

'Novice Hame (now a Senator!) returning, played by Anna Hope' - well I should bloody well HOPE (no pun intended) so, not much point in returning to New Earth without her, but what's this nonsense about being a mere SENATOR?

DARLING RTG actually dealt with that problem (whilst still respecting the Tales of New Earth audios which is frankly beyond the call of duty) by making her a Senator and then *drumroll* Feline Imperator of the New Earth Order in His new Novice Hame story!

Dammit the guy needs to get back to Who PROPERLY.

DARLING RTG actually dealt with that problem (whilst still respecting the Tales of New Earth audios which is frankly beyond the call of duty) by making her a Senator and then *drumroll* Feline Imperator of the New Earth Order in His new Novice Hame story!

Dammit the guy needs to get back to Who PROPERLY.

From my lips to (Russell T) God's ears...