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Juno Dawson says
My earliest memory is Bonnie Langford being spun off into space in a killer bubble in 1987, so you can only imagine how excited I was when I was asked to write for the Doctor Who range. - Not very if your first exposure was BONNIE LANGFORD IN TIME AND THE RANI. On the other hand, if you can survive THAT as your initiation you can survive ANYTHING - And, as a Bradford girl, it’s an even bigger thrill to be among the first writers in the world to write for Jodie Whittaker, the first Doctor from Yorkshire. This feels like a bold new era for Doctor Who and I'm beyond delighted to be a part of it. This is a dream come true - just the prospect of THIRTEENTH DOCTOR!! FEMALE THIRTEENTH DOCTOR TO BOOT! is a dream come true for ANYONE who survived The Sixteen Long And Barren Years Of Despair, providing of course you're no relation whatsoever to that Juno who wrote possibly the worst Who-related audio in human history, Dollhouse...

...Oh.

Look...word of advice...don't steal JODIE!Doc's pubic hair, OK? Just...don't.

On the plus side, JODIE! finally saves a civilisation after six episodes of wandering around occasionally managing to save a life or two. On the not-so-plus side, she's the one who destroys said civilisation in the first place, leading to six hundred years of hell.

Since when has the Doctor been unable to start the day without a cup of tea in her favourite mug?

'The terms of the colonisation were agreed two generations ago. A thousand humans were allowed to settle. But they've grown, bred, expanded' - what's the POINT of allowing a thousand humans to infest your planet? And is that a genetically diverse enough population, anyway? (I mean, no one foresaw they'd breed with the DAWGS. Am I a hypocrite for finding this disgusting whilst finding Brannigan n'Valerie's kids the cutest thing in the history of the universe? OK, fine, then I'm a hypocrite.)

Yaz is happy to tuck into alien meat on an alien world? If she's ditched the halal food laws, good for her, but isn't it time she ditched the mosque as well? Also, this later announces that 'Yasmin Khan had never had a hangover' which suggests that she sticks to Muslim alcohol rules, at least...

Still failing to see how Graham saying 'We've got a saying where we come from - dogs are man's best friends!' a) constitutes a joke and b) leads to centuries of ENSLAVING said dawgs.

'Remember Laika? That poor doggo the Russians blasted into space? It's her DNA the loba ultimately evolved from' - well that's a bit unfortunate, given that Laika was a genocidal maniac (Sixth Doctor audio 1963: The Space Race. Of course, said audio does contradict Eighth Doctor novel Alien Bodies...)

'He remembered his nan had once lent him some money to get a new [phone] when he'd dropped the last one in the bath while taking a...well, the less said about that the better' - what - the - HELL?!

'Doctor, we've gotta go back. I can't afford another one' - has Herself not robbed a cash-point for her pets yet? What sort of New Who Doctor IS she!

'My sense of direction is second only to my sense of righteous indignation' - GREAT line, though frankly the Doc has never had much of a sense of direction (even if s/he has seldom admitted this fact) and THIS Doc is slightly lacking on the righteous-indignation front. She's just too busy being NICE, dammit.

The Doctor doesn't believe in coincidence? SERIOUSLY??!!

'"Seriously, Graham. Stay back!" she spoke without mouthing her lips' - without WHAT?

'WOMANKIND IS FORBIDDEN FROM LEAVING THE HEARTH AND HOME AFTER DARK LEST SHE IS ATTENDED BY HER HUSBAND OR FATHER' - I think you're getting 'lest' muddled up with 'unless'.

'All the mums and dads came to watch [the Nativity play]. Well, all except his' - yeah, right, Ryan was the ONLY kid in the class whose dad couldn't be bothered to turn up to the school play/REAR HIM.

'Time Lords have strict rules about intervention' - er...Doc...I think THAT ship sailed approximately thirteen lifetimes ago. (Plus, aren't you the PRESIDENT these days?)

'There was a time, Ryan, when the Time Lords were feared and adored in equal measure, across all of time and space' - since WHEN! - 'Its a heady feeling, knowing people regard you as both gallant protector and capricious tyrant' - since WHEN!

'"Sounds like gods to me." "Hmm," she said. "A few of us thought so. Never ended well for them, mind you"' - REALLY, Doc? Weren't YOU the one who, when informed that the Face of Boe wanted a chat with the Lonely God, said HERE I AM?!

'Since chasing around after the Doctor all day, he swore he'd lost about half a stone without even giving up Gregg's pasties' - anyone spot Graham losing half a stone? And is this suggesting the Doc's always stopping off for Gregg's pasties or the TARDIS food machine can produce them or WHAT!

'Any signs of the civil war seemed to have been tidied away very quickly' - Graham SOMEHOW HASN'T NOTICED that the Doc can't be relied on to steer the TARDIS properly...despite his 'Fourteenth. You can't control this thing, can you?' comment...?

'One day, when we're really, especially bored, I'll explain about paradoxes. Although, to be fair, sometimes they are quite funny. And then, another time, I'll tell you everything they got wrong in Back to the Future.' - If they got Back to the Future wrong why is the Doc using it to illustrate time travel in The Shakespeare Code? And if the Doc's never explained paradoxes to this lot, how come Yasmin is later thinking that 'the Doctor had tried to explain [paradoxes] to her numerous times, but every time it eventually turned her brain to mush'?

'Ryan. Shall I tell you what never ends well...Literally any sort of chat about racial "purity"' - weren't YOU giving a little lecture about the dangers of being racially IMpure in Delta and the Bannermen, Doc?

Graham looks the same as 'him from the gameshow'? And the Doctor knows this HOW, exactly?

Why has the Good Doctor's High Priest got an intricate question-mark motif embroidered on his collar? Say what you like about JODIE!'s grotty anorak, yellow braces, Clown Trousers etc, at least SHE doesn't feel the need to festoon herself with question-marks.

'I've seen singing waterfalls made of pink crystals. For real! I've seen a unicorn sanctuary - actual unicorns - on a lost moon. I've seen the Big Bang happening in front of my eyes' - oh-kay, why the HELL would the Doc take her Strays on a sight-seeing trip to THE BIG BANG when a) this would destroy the TARDIS (Castrovalva) and b) time doesn't exist there so they'd be stranded forever (Companion Chronicles: The Forbidden Time).

Yaz says the Doctor is 'sound as a pound'? Is this some weird northern expression? Perhaps they'd better invent a better one for when the pound collapses even more post-Brexit.

'I don't like not knowing' - well you LOVED not knowing when you were Capaldi - see Flatline.

'"When we move amongst mankind, we are no different to you, trapped by the earthly physical constraints of this primitive realm," said the Doctor with gusto. "After all, is it not said, you were made in our image?"' - Oh-kay, maybe not THAT sensible to tell the High Priest who's already losing faith in Graham that he and his angels are killable...

Graham is planning on giving Ryan a clip round the earhole for wandering off? No wonder they have a bad relationship.

'If your friend is as celestial as you claim, she'll be perfectly safe, won't she' - er, except that the Doctor just EXPLAINED the whole 'mortality' thing to you a few pages ago.

It's almost ten years since Yaz went to high school? What exactly IS the British definition of high school, they were some weird American thing in MY young day.

Why didn't the humans rename the planet when they reduced the loba to slaves?

The High Priest needs the Mayor's PERMISSION to reopen the fighting arena? That's weird for a society which has shown every sign of being a theocracy.

Tempika casually refers to JODIE! as 'the Doctor'? When Graham's supposed to be the Doctor and SHE'S supposed to be the Nurse?

'And that was when Graham truly saw it. This little old man wasn't some kind old grandpa teaching a bit of Sunday School. He was a flipping fanatic' - no ••••, Sherlock.

'"Oh, not since the rebels used their dirty bomb." Well, that explained why the area had been abandoned, Graham thought' - as opposed to thinking, say, that these rebels might be genocidal scum no better than their oppressors or wondering how long it took the radiation to disperse and OH GOD was he about to get cancer AGAIN?

If the Doc has 'lightning fast reflexes' how come Tromos sends her flying across the arena?

'I won't fight you. If you must, kill me' - has JODIE! got no sense of self-preservation?! She's not a Helen-Raynor-penned TennantDoc, for heaven's sake!

'Even through the smoke, Ryan felt bullets whizz past him. That's not good.' - Ryan should have realised by now that the bullets/rays will NEVER hit him and his chums...

The Doctor just lets Mariya die? Her Sheffield sonic has no medical setting for, um, knitting up flesh or whatever?

Yasmin has tiny hands?

Does this HAVE to go on about Yasin and the Doctor's thighs pressing together? Don't give ammo to the shippers! Let's have ONE TARDIS crew that's actually platonic!

'You know my father. He'll be looking for someone to blame' - well, blame the Doctor standing right there, why don't you! Mariya died saving JODIE! and the only reason she NEEDED saving was cos she just couldn't be arsed to do her Venusian Grand Master Pacifist thing.

'She never really asked for people to follow her, yet everyone always seemed to end up devolving responsibility to her' - well Robertson didn't.

Yaz SHOULD be safe inside the TARDIS if there's a cave-in? How useless IS that machine!

'Yaz held her breath and waited for the pain' - WOULD there be pain if you're shot in the back of the skull by a gun that's already pressing into the back of said skull?

Frankly I found it more convincing BEFORE Graham unearthed his juicy factettes. For the truth to be lost in plagues and disasters rather than deliberately rewritten to form a fake religion.

'"Say a little prayer, Graham," the Doctor muttered' - what IS it with this Doctor! Capaldi didn't tell her to be god-bothering as well as kind while we weren't looking, did he...?

OK, so this came up with a string of excuses for the Doc actually being able to remote-control the TARDIS for once, but I'd prefer her/him JUST NOT to raise the question of why the hell s/he didn't do it in about fifty million other adventures. Also, the claim that if Sexy was working properly she'd do it every time is odd in view of The War Games.

'"No!" The Doctor knelt beside him and checked his pulse' - why is she 'No!'-ing when two paragraphs earlier 'The Doctor's expression changed from pity to resignation. "I suppose that's your choice"'?

REALLY, Doc? Weren't YOU the one who, when informed that the Face of Boe wanted a chat with the Lonely God, said HERE I AM?!

Well, there's a differecne between accepting an affectionate nickname and actually believing yourself to be a god.

If the Doc has 'lightning fast reflexes' how come Tromos sends her flying across the arena?

He has faster ones?

'Yaz held her breath and waited for the pain' - WOULD there be pain if you're shot in the back of the skull by a gun that's already pressing into the back of said skull?

I can't speak from personal experience, but no. The brain would be destroyed before it could register the pain.

Well, there's a differecne between accepting an affectionate nickname and actually believing yourself to be a god.

How would TennantDoc know that Boe was being affectionate? He didn't realise he was Captain Jack! And it's not as if Ten was being POINTED at when the whole 'Lonely God' thing came up, he just arrogantly (and correctly) ASSUMED it meant him. Before telling the cats he was the ultimate authority (I mean, CATS!!)...

If the Doc has 'lightning fast reflexes' how come Tromos sends her flying across the arena?

He has faster ones?

Not that the rest of the book gives any indication of. Sure, he's fast enough to grab Yaz through the bars of his cell and almost choke the life out of her but that doesn't imply that he's fast, just that she's...a bit useless.

WOULD there be pain if you're shot in the back of the skull by a gun that's already pressing into the back of said skull?

I can't speak from personal experience, but no. The brain would be destroyed before it could register the pain.

Ha! I KNEW IT!

One day, when we're really, especially bored, I'll explain about paradoxes.

Well, the Doctor explains paradoxes to her pets in The Secret in Vault 13, which is definitely set before The Good Doctor.

The Doc allows herself to be chained up in a dungeon without trying any Venusian Aikido?

This is no longer a problem with The Good Doctor, this is a problem with JODIE!Doc herself, courtesy of The Witchfinders...

JODIE! has green eyes?

Combat Magicks claims the same. Can someone with HD TV and no colourblind problems PLEASE just tell me if it's true?

Yaz is happy to tuck into alien meat on an alien world? If she's ditched the halal food laws, good for her

She does ask 'Is it halal' in Combat Magicks. Of course, this may just be an excuse for not eating the salted meat Attila the Hun was keeping under his saddle...

Attila would have had no idea what halal means, Islam did not exist in his time.

JODIE! has green eyes?

Combat Magicks claims the same. Can someone with HD TV and no colourblind problems PLEASE just tell me if it's true?

Jodie Whittaker has brown eyes, or maybe they are dark grey, but definitely not green.

Attila would have had no idea what halal means, Islam did not exist in his time.

Yeah, which is one of the reasons I think Yaz might not have been 100% serious. The book does have it occur to her that it's 'almost two hundred years before the Muslim faith had even been founded' but sadly doesn't delve into the theological implications of this, like HER presumably being the only person on Earth who wouldn't burn in hellfire for all eternity if she happened to drop dead this year. And presumably the very first person in heaven ever.

Jodie Whittaker has brown eyes, or maybe they are dark grey, but definitely not green.

THANK you!

Stupid books.

Jodie Whittaker has brown eyes, or maybe they are dark grey, but definitely not green.

THANK you!

Stupid books.

Also stupid comic strips, as JODIE! has the brightest of bright green eyes...well, eye*... in DWM's The Warmonger.

*Don't worry, it's not a Who novel, she doesn't get the other one gouged out, the panel only shows half her face for some reason.

Yaz is happy to tuck into alien meat on an alien world? If she's ditched the halal food laws, good for her, but isn't it time she ditched the mosque as well? Also, this later announces that 'Yasmin Khan had never had a hangover' which suggests that she sticks to Muslim alcohol rules, at least...

Confirmed in At Childhood's End: 'I don't drink alcohol.' (Of course, she WAS talking to Ace, to whom she'd taken an instant dislike so could have been snubbing what she assumed was the offer of a bottle of wine.)

JODIE! has green eyes?

Combat Magicks claims the same

All praise Mark Gatiss's Fellow Traveller short story in Adventures in Lockdown, where Herself has 'dark brown eyes which once were blue' (referring to when she was Hartnell, not confusing the issue by suggesting they change colour on a regular basis...).

The Doctor doesn't believe in coincidence? SERIOUSLY??!!

To be fair, Ten also claims in Splinters that he doesn't believe in coincidence, though this doesn't make it any easier to swallow that THE PERSON WHOSE ENTIRE LIVES IS A STRING OF COINCIDENCES doesn't actually believe in 'em...Eccy certainly did, in Boom Town (even if he was spectacularly wrong on the subject of dear old Bad Wolf)...

I'm only a couple chapters in, and I haven't read the above comments yet (I'll save those until after I'm finished), but right away I'm going to say that I bet "The Ark" gets mentioned at least once! It's basically the same premise with the Doctor and company basically, but accidentally, alter the course of a planet's history and returning a long time later. Of course, The Ark is fresh in my mind having recently seen it again.

I bet "The Ark" gets mentioned at least once!

Well, it does BY ME but not by the actual novel that I remember...look, if Twelve can't even recall what GENDER he was when he was Hartnell (Worlds Enough and Time), you can hardly expect Thirteen to remember Doctor Who In An Unexciting Adventure With The Monoids...

After making that initial comment here a couple of weeks back I didn't have much time for reading. Until three days ago when I happened to have a lot of down time at my workplace and so I finally picked it up and finished it in two days.

I mentioned the parallel to The Ark. The Face of Evil also crossed my mind, and I see Emily mentioned both of these stories in the very first post. The Aztecs is also mentioned, and I agree that one should have occurred to me as well.

Overall, I have to say that this book was lots of fun. Jodie's reaction to Graham calling her the Nurse was my favorite moment.

I have no real nitpicks that haven't been mentioned in the above thread already. But I am wondering if Ryan ever managed to find his cell phone. And was it still working after six hundred years?

Overall, I have to say that this book was lots of fun.

It was - JODIE! has a much better ratio of good novels than any other Doctor I could mention, though I s'pose it's easier when there are so few of 'em. It WAS a bit of a disappointment that a trans author didn't give us the slightest insight into how the Doctor felt changing sex, but then nothing did, she was just perfectly happy and casual about it (give or take the being-patronised-to-death), nothing wrong with that...

The Doctor doesn't believe in coincidence? SERIOUSLY??!!

To be fair, Ten also claims in Splinters that he doesn't believe in coincidence, though this doesn't make it any easier to swallow that THE PERSON WHOSE ENTIRE LIVES IS A STRING OF COINCIDENCES doesn't actually believe in 'em...Eccy certainly did, in Boom Town (even if he was spectacularly wrong on the subject of dear old Bad Wolf)...

I s'pose s/he might just have a difference definition of 'coincidence' than mere humans. Christmas on a Rational Planet: 'In the Professor's terms, by making "verbal connections" between events, the caillou were "completing circuits in meta-space". "They seem uncommonly lucky, but that luck is merely a manifestation of their great and unearthly experience," Hulot wrote. "The older they get, the more extreme the coincidences that surround them become."'

JODIE! has green eyes?

*Sigh* She has 'wild green eyes' in The Romanov Project audio. (Also, 'young eyes brimming with wisdom' which is weird cos I always assumed they all had old eyes like Matt-in-Night-Terrors...)

The Doctor doesn't believe in coincidence? SERIOUSLY??!!

To be fair, Ten also claims in Splinters that he doesn't believe in coincidence

Also Four in System Shock.

Weirdo(es).

Though Seven in Persuasion says that 'coincidences in the universe are like confetti in a wedding'. Whatever the hell THAT means.

Though Seven in Persuasion says that 'coincidences in the universe are like confetti in a wedding'. Whatever the hell THAT means.

Possibly that they are generously sprinkled all over the place? And annoying as hell?

Possibly that they are generously sprinkled all over the place?

So Seven and Nine believe in coincidence but Four, Ten and Thirteen don't? *Sigh*

And annoying as hell?

Seven LIKES weddingy stuff, he spent the whole of Happy Endings ARRANGING one of these weird things...

So Seven and Nine believe in coincidence but Four, Ten and Thirteen don't?

Make that Five, Seven and Nine...

The Church and the Crown:

'The universe is full of coincidence, keeps everything ticking over nicely.'