Well, you get the general idea. I meant to put an example, but can't actually think of one at the mo.

Yay! Let's violate copyright some more! I love when we do this!

Five, Third of: Borg Uncle Tom.

Des vous, Ren: Something that is always prevented by interstellar phenomena, mechanical difficulties, omnipotent beings and suchlike. Why do they even bother planning them?

Thank you: Two words rarely, if ever, spoken to Wesley Crusher.

Chess: A game at which Counselor Deanna Troi once beat android, and walking statistical probability calculator, Lt. Cmdr. Data. What a crazy, mixed-up universe they live in, eh?

Completely Useless Star Trek Encyclopedia, The: Brainchild of Brits Chris Howarth and Steve Lyons, this is the guide for Trekkies and -ers everywhere! Rush out and buy it now! WARNING: Can be hazardous to obsessive fans, Voyager partisans, and anyone who owns the Barbie and Ken 30th Anniversary Special Edition set.

The above, of course, will need to be moved to the equivalent Star Trek board, should that ever be created.

Meanwhile, I stand by my post.

Of course, Ed, you may have had something else entirely in mind when you started this thing! You really should have included an example, you know!

ROUND OBJECTS BEARING LITTLE OR NO RELATION TO THE ACTUAL STORY: See BBC BOOK COVERS.

BELTEMPEST: EDA only worthy of a mention because of a printing error. The last 50 or so pages are missing, and for some reason whole chunks of text from Parasite appear in certain places.

Deux a Orthopedica or something: where, at an inconvient time, a companion, usually while running away from a monster, falls and sprains his or hers ankle, simply to further the plot.

Hypersonic: anytime Mel screams.

SECRET SEVEN, THE: See ZYGON GAMBIT, THE

USURIANS: See BBC WORLDWIDE

STORY OUTLINE: See CSO

INFINITY DOCTORS, THE: Oddly titled book, especially given that infinity is a concept, not a number. Although often credited as the first DW book to completely do away with existing continuity, John Peel got there a few months earlier.

ANNOYING APPEARANCES OF OLD COMPANIONS IN THE NEW ADVENTURES ONLY TO HAVE THEM KILLED OFF TWENTY PAGES LATER, WITHOUT THEM ACTUALLY DOING VERY MUCH OR EVEN MEETING THE DOCTOR: See ETERNITY WEEPS

RECURSION: see RECURSION

SAM: See ACE only with more angst

MISSION: IMPRACTICAL: PDA that finally canonised Frobisher. The idea of a companion who appears to be a penguin may be a tad silly, but compared to Mel, the penguin wins every time.

DAVROS: Wizened and mutated monster bent on becoming the one voice of the universe via a dictatorship regime.

WHITEHOUSE, MARY: Wizened and mutated monster bent on becoming the one voice of the universe via a dictatorship-like regime.

PEOPLE WHO WRITE FOR THE NOVELS WHOLLY ON THE GROUNDS THAT, BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN PROFESSIONALLY LINKED WITH THE SERIES, THEY HAVE A GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO AND BUGGER THE QUALITY AND ALL THAT LITERACY LARK: See BANKS, DAVID

PJW- Mary Whitehouse was in the actual CUE- as a guide, it's probably safer to stick to the books or recent rumors or other recnt stuff, if you don't have the original.

PEOPLE WHO WRITE FOR THE NOVELS ON THE GROUNDS THAT THEY HAVE BEEN WRITING FOR THE NOVELS SINCE ANYONE CAN REMEMBER AND THUS HAVE A GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO, AND BUGGER ORIGINAL IDEAS OR WRITING FOR AN ADULT AUDIENCE: See DICKS, TERRANCE

PEOPLE WHO WRITE FOR THE NOVELS ON THE GROUND THT THEY WRITE BLOODY GOOD NOVELS, THE DO REALLY INTERESTING THINGS WITH OLD IDEAS AND INVENT REALLY INTERESTING NEW IDEAS, BUT THEN GET A BIT STROPPY WHEN VANESSA BISHOP SLAGS THEM OFF IN DWM, AND THEN AGGEDLY POST A MESSAGE TO A CERTAIN NEWSGROUP MENTIONING NO NAMES (RADW IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW), THAT SAYS THEY'LL NEVR WRITE FOR WHO AGAIN: See MILES, LAWRENCE


I'm really pushing this idea.

BBC BOOKS DOCTOR WHO COVERS, THE NEW: Innovative new approach to the whole style of the BBC range, introduced couragously in Interference, the books new design really does stand out.

Is that why DWM gave Lawrence Miles a five-page spread a few issues later?

Does the word aggedly mean anything to you. No? Why not? Oh. Oh dear. Does the word allegedly mean anything?

Sure does (and I knew what you meant, anyway). I just happened to be reading the article in DWM at the same time and made the connection. Then later they devote a whole page to Alien Bodies as well.
But Miles confesses in the article that he thinks he won't be writing any more Doctor Who anyway because he doesn't think he'll be able to surpass the Interference novels

Zoe: Synonomous for Victoria, distinguished only by being from the future.

And wearing skintight sparkly catsuits?

Haven't got the CUE. Had no idea about Mary Whitehouse. If I do clash with any entries, you'll have to forgive my CUE-lessness.

DEATH: a) one of the gods of ancient Gallifrey, sister to Pain and Time, or b) the swift and inevitable fate of any male who so much as asks Ace to the movies.

HYPERSPACE: A theoretical absurdity to Time Lords, but a common means of transport for humans in a century or two's time.

RENEGADE TIME LORDS: See DOCTOR, THE; MASTER, THE; RANI, THE; SHOBOGANS, THE; FACTION PARADOX, THE; VALLEYARD, THE; WAR CHIEF, THE; SUSAN; ROMANADVORATNELUNDAR; DRAX; K'AMPO/CHO-JE; ASMAEL; BRAXIATEL, IRVING; WILDTHYME, IRIS; HEDIN; BORUSA; GOTH; KELNER; MORTIMUS; MORBIUS; RUATH; OMEGA...

TARDIS: a) Time and Relative Dimensions in Space. b) Time and Relative Dimension in Space. Doesn't the Doctor know which it is? I mean, isn't it a bit important???

TEN MILLION YEARS: The length of time it took Gallifrey to develop equal rights for women.


By the way Edje, you're being grossly unfair to Jim Mortimore. After days of thought, I've come up with two whole differences between Beltempest and Parasite: a) Beltempest is readable, and b) After committing cannibalism, the Beltempest Companion doesn't just throw up - she starts an immortality cult.

As for Dicks, Terrance - you're being too kind. You forgot to mention ripping up established continuity and then spitting on it.

And I wouldn't say Sam has more angst than Ace. She's merely in love with the Doctor, which is perfectly natural and ordinary (not that I'm speaking from personal experience, you understand ;). Oh, and she gets tortured a few times. Ace, on the other hand, spends most of her time screaming '•••••• bastard' at the Seventh Doctor, which suggests a high degree of cosmic angst.

KevinS - you forgot about the brain - a rather important feature distinguishing Zoe from Victoria.

re- Jim Mortimore- Hmmmmm.... I found Parasite to be an infintely better book than Beltempest. I'm not the world's biggest Sam fan, but She was really awful in that. And the ending is rubbish (even the end of Parasite was better than that.)

And you have to admit that it is reusing tons of stuff from Parasite.

NITCENTRAL: See PEDANTIC, HOMES OF THE

You actually ENJOYED Parasite? Oh good. You can write a synopsis for it and save me the trouble of finishing the monstrosity. By the way...what DID happen at the end of Beltempest? It left me a little, er, confused.

By the way...I'm not seriously denying the Parasite/Beltempest similarities. And I'm not saying a word against your definition of Eternity Weeps.

Don't ask me, I'm still firmly of the belief that a printing error removed the last few pages.

EVIL RENEGADE: Don't see THE DOCTOR
CHRIS CWEJ'S EMPLOYERS: Don't see THE TIMELORDS
MACHINE PEOPLE: Don't see THE DALEKS

MEDDLING MONK: An often overlooked renegade Time Lord.

DIMENSION/DIMENSIONS IN SPACE: Seemingly optional as to how many.

SONIC SCREWDRIVER: Used for tightening or untightening sonic screws.

Ha! Chris, you obviously haven't read No Future. Mortimus is the Meddling Monk's name.

And sorry but I'm still really worried about those dimension/s. Surely the Time Lords should know whether there are more than one?

Oh, and Edje you forgot:

HOMEWORLD: Don't see GALLIFREY

Emily-, of course you mean

HOMEWORLD OF CWEJ'S EMPLOYERS: Don't see GALLIFREY.

TIME AND RELATIVE DIMENSION IN SPACE: When Susan invented some words that made TARDIS an acronym, the Doctor decided to humour her. Of course, since this is the Gloves/Drugs doctor we're talking about, it's perhaps understandable that he got a bit confused about the number of dimesions.

SIDRAT: Device which adds weight to the above theory, unless you reckon it stood for SPACE IN DIMENSION RELATIVE AND TIME.

SONIC SHOWER: A device for cleaning video hedgehogs.

NO FUTURE: A naming device for Time Lords who, in the author's opinion, had a silly name.

DIMENSION/DIMENSIONS IN SPACE (REVISED): Time Lords enjoying have a choice of one or more of these. Whatever takes their fancy. On a whim.

YOU CAN'T REWRITE HISTORY, NOT ONE LINE. Oh dear, someone better tell Lawrence Miles. And while their at, Terry Nation needs a good kick in the back side (what do you mean he's...., sod it, John Peel'll do).

YOU CAN'T REWRITE HISTORY, NOT ONE LINE (TAKE TWO): Information that may have stopped the Meddling Monk in his tracks.

YOU CAN REWRITE HISTORY, EVERY LINE: It seems that I just changed history. Oops.

FACTION PARADOX: See FACTION PARADOX.

BRIGADIER, THE: see POMPOUS, SELF-OPINIONATED IDIOT

BRIGADIER, THE OTHER: desperate attempt by the BBC to atone for 25 years of sexism and racism

CRICKET: sad obsession of the Fifth Doctor, deeply inferior to recorders, jelly babies, cars, genocide, saying 'hmm' and even kissing

DALS: a race on the planet Skaro who had a one-day war with the Thals and evolved into…oh…forget it.

GLITZ, SABALOM: fitting fate for BUSH, MEL

UNIVERSES, PARALLEL: a) an infinity of alternative cosmoses, proving that free will is not an illusion; b) things it is the Doctor's duty to destroy at all costs because you can't have more than one real universe

WRIGHT, POLLY: see MASCARA

I'M HALF $TUPID, ON MY MOTHER'S SIDE: Are we supposed to feel insulted?

SUSPENSE RUINING STORY TITLES: See all the Dalek stories (bar the Chase) and half of the Cybermen ones as well.

MESSED UP: Current state of this board, unless it's just my iexplorer?

"Excellent!" ; See Cyber-Leader in 'Revenge Of The Cybermen.
"Excellent!" ; See Mister Burns in 'The Simpsons'.
"Excellent!"; See 'Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure"

SILLY CHASE SCENES INVOLVING WHEELCHAIRS: See THE MEMORY CHEATS

GURNING: Bizarre side affect of seeing an Auton. See also THE ENTIRE MCCOY ERA AND THE TVM.

MARK GATISS AND PETER DAVISON HAVING A SNOG: Bad, bad image.

BAD SNOG IMAGES: Mel and Glitz in the Nosferatu II.

CHEESE IN DOCTOR WHO (LACK OF): Urm, yeah. It's time for a blatant plug for a brand new Edje Industries product:

Who me? The Very Unauthorised Guide to the Doctor Who Novels

It's a bit rude, so if you're easily offended avoid it. The site is not in anyway affiliated with Nitcentral or Phil Farrand.

Doh! Bad link!
*
*
Who me? The Very Unauthorised Guide to the Doctor Who Novels

Edje, it is my sad duty to inform you that your site is appalling rubbish that should be wiped off the face of the Internet and - just to be on the safe side - you might like to commit suicide as well.

However, there is one alternative to this drastic step: alter 'The TVM was a failure' to 'The TVM was a glorious success, a joy to behold and well worth waiting seven years for' and I will then be the first to congratulate you on a very amusing page, and to wish you many happy years of reading Eighth Doctor Adventures and then ripping them to shreds.

(Emergency Holographic Edje loaded)

ta anyway (BTW, check the page now ;-)). Did you like my logo?

*Sighs with relief* Much, MUCH better. Not perfect of course...still a long way to go...but I confidently predict that one day light will dawn and you will realise that a) The TVM is marvellous, and b) Emily is always right. And yes, I like the logo.

DOCTOR, THE: see PROFESSOR, THE; THETA SIGMA (THETE); DOC; EVERGREEN MAN, THE; MERLIN; KA FARAQ GATRI, THE; MAN WHO GIVES MONSTERS NIGHTMARES, THE; SMITH, DR JOHN; BOWMAN, DR; VALLEYARD, THE; ONCOMING STORM, THE; BACKRUB SLUT, THE; UNCREATOR, THE; SCIENTIFIC ADVISOR, UNIT’S; MANIPULATIVE LITTLE WEIRDO, THE; TIME’S CHAMPION; CHAMPION OF LIFE AND TIME, THE; WORMHOLE; SNAIL; GREAT WIZARD QUI QUY QUOD; EIGHTH MAN BOUND, THE; GUY WITH TWO HEARTS WHO NEVER FARTS, THE; OTHER, REINCARNATION OF; LORD PRESIDENT OF THE HIGH COUNCIL OF GALLIFREY, DEFENDER OF THE LEGACY OF RASSILON; WHO?

TOBERMAN: Strong, black, silent man bearing a startling resemblance to another strong, black, silent man called TOBY.

BUDDHISM: Religion dedicated to reaching nirvana through peaceful enlightenment. Not, therefore, the most likely choice for Brigadier Alastair Gordon ‘Five Rounds Rapid’ Lethbridge-Stewart. Maybe Mike Yates converted him.

SHIRL, THE: See Doctor, The. Oops, well go and read Transit then and you'll see.

Out of interest, where did this Ka Faraq Gatri thing start? I read it in some Dalek comics and there was a passing reference in Goth Opera.

And sorry, I don't understand the Toby reference.

Chris, I CAN'T read Transit - it has disappeared off the face of the Earth, or at least London. But if it calls the Doctor Shirl then I'm suddenly a lot less sorry about missing it.

No idea about Ka Faraq Gatri's origins - I just remember passing references in Also People and So Vile a Sin. Apparantly Katiatu will be the Doctor's successor to the title. Maybe - like Absolam Daak - it started in the comics and NA writers decided to incorporate it.

Toby was the name of the circus strongman in Terror of the Autons, played by whoeveritwas who played Toberman.

Kadiatu reflects on her family's memory of someone called "the shirl" who fought "towering silver men" and so on and when translated from whatever language or dialect, it meant "the Doctor".
I have only ever managed to read half of Transit, twice (the first half, obviously).

CANON: What inconvenient continuity often gets shot out of. See, SUSAN, THE DOCTOR'S GRANDAUGHTER, NOT!; & STAR TREK: VOYAGER.

SPARE DIMENSION: A handy thing to have when you need to get rid of a carnivorous, universe conquering, monster, or just need to empty the wastebin.

BESSIE: One of the Doctor's more intelligent companions.

KICKING or HITTING: A time proven technological technique for getting uncooperative machinery to function properly. Especially useful on Earth technology.

TERRILIAN: The proper name for that race that insists on calling themselves, TERRANS, HUMANS, or EARTHLINGS.

IIRC, the reference to the Doctor being called Ka Faraq Gatri was in the novelization of "Remembrance of the Daleks."

Emily- a month or so back, Forbidden Planet had a few copies going at £1.50. (of Transit).

It's actually manages to be a pretty good SF novel, while being a pretty average DW novel.

CORRECTION!
It should read
TELLURIAN: The proper name for that race that insists on calling themselves, TERRANS, HUMANS, or EARTHLINGS.
not TERRILIAN.

(And you people call yourselves Nitpickers. How could you miss that.)

We were wondering how long it would take for you to find it yourself, as we sniggered with our hands over our faces.

Uh, why should the dominant species of the planet Earth (no, not the cockroaches) should called themselves Tellurians, or Terrilian, or even Terrans? All these names are related to the Latin word Terra. Last I recalled, Latin is a dead language spoken by a few Mediterranians some 1500 years ago or more - barring the occasional quote in a modern science or medical journal, or by the heirarchy of a particular organized religion lead by a supposedly infallible leader (sorry, the lapsed and disillusioned Catholic in me was speaking).

I am curious what the majority of the world's population, the Chinese, call the human race?

Tellurian actually relates to Tellus, not Terra.

Tellurian was what Vorg in Carnival Of Monsters called Humans. I think some other aliens might have done so as well, hence the arrogance of my definition, which I thought was funny. Oh, well.

I'm not certain where Terrilian comes from.

Shockeye also called us tellurians.

BACKTRACKING A FEW MONTHS TO THE LAWRENCE MILES DISCUSSON:
(found it on his website: http://www.menace.ndo.co.uk/loz/coat.htm

Here, for posterity, and those of you not into the whole newsgroup thang, is Lawrence's
'all-purpose internet statement' (originally posted on rec.arts.drwho on 17th August 1999).

I'll Get My Coat: The Final and Definitive Statement
of Lawrence Miles

(Supposing you found out that everything you thought was completely right. Wouldn't that be scarier?)

Hi. This isn't an attempt to start a discussion of my own, because (a) I'm not actually connected to the WorldWide Web, and (b) I don't know anything about newsgroup protocol anyway. (For example, I've only just figured out that there's no such thing as a sarcastic tone of voice on the internet, and that people therefore can't tell when you're being serious and when you're taking the p i s s. Remind me of that the next time I say anything about any other Doctor Who writers. Or their pets.) This is my version of a press release, I suppose. Am I allowed to do that, or what?

Firstly: yes, Interference is my last Doctor Who book, and no, I have no idea why anybody thinks I've got another one coming out in March. Until a few days ago, I was seriously thinking about writing one more, simply because Stephen Cole told me that it wouldn't be too hard getting hold of the rights to use the Daleks. Frankly, a Dalek book sounded too good to resist. Now, however...

Well, to be honest, I feel like I've lost my mandate. The thing about Interference is that I took the writing of it very seriously indeed, which I suppose is a bad habit for a Doctor Who writer, but what can you do? That bloody book changed me; it made me face up to things I hadn't wanted to think about, and as a result I feel like a completely different individual to the one who started work on it. And because I was so lost in the guts of it, because I believed (and still believe) that it's the best thing I've ever written, I ended up convincing myself that it was a Great Work. "Great" with a capital "G", of course, meaning "very big" rather than "very good". It never even occurred to me that anyone might see things differently. I mean, I knew a lot of people wouldn't like it, obviously, but I think I assumed that even those who hated it would see it as a work of High Bigness.

S t u p i d mistake, really. The truth is, Interference is so big - not just in length, but in the amount of ground it covers - that everybody can find something in it they object to. Which means that even people who like the book only like it conditionally. I don't know exactly how to explain this, but... writing's a vocational thing for me, not just a job. I think every book I've written has been better than the previous one, because I feel as thought I've got a moral duty to make sure it happens that way. And that's where the problem lies. If I wrote another Doctor Who novel, I'd have to make it better than Interference. But the reaction to Interference has been so "conditional" - just look at those magazine reviews, for God's sake! - that writing my Great Dalek Novel would be a horrible, heartbreaking experience. Bettering Interference would be a gut-wrenching task in itself, but at the same time I'd have to be aware that nobody really liked Interference much to begin with. All in all, I'd probably go mad.

I think it was the review in DWM that finally settled things. I mean, I'm used to bad reviews by now, and I've had a lot worse in the last couple of years. But it wasn't what Ness Bishop said that hurt so much, it was her reasons for saying it. All the things she had a problem with in Interference are side-effects of the way I think, side-effects of the way I write... in short, it's not the book that's the problem, it's me. I have to face the fact that whatever I write from now on, I'm never going to get a better response, because that's who I am. Which is as good a reason for retiring as you'll ever hear.

There are two kinds of Doctor Who writers, of course. There are people who do things the old-fashioned way - John Peel immediately springs to mind, for some reason - and there are people like me, who only exist to mess things up a bit. I wanted to write a Dalek book because none of the messing-things-up writers have ever gone anywhere near the Daleks; because I imagined that when the news reached the newsgroups, even people who didn't liked any of my other books woull be surprised/confused/curious. (And I know I'm not the only one to feel that way, seeing as on eother less-than-traditional writer also planned a Dalek book that fell through...) However, after Interference, I have to face up to the truth. For an awful lot of people, it wouldn't be a case of "wow, Lawrence Miles is writing a Dalek book". It'd be a case of "Christ, doesn't he ever give it a rest?".

Which is what I mean when I say that I feel like I've lost my mandate. It's not polite for any writer to keep churning out books and expecting people o buy them, especially when he knows that most of the readers aren't on his side to begin with. And even if the people who like Interference are having problems with large chunks of it, then I've got to acknowledge that the longer I go on, the less people I'm going to have behind me. I don't have the ego to fight a single-handed war against the continuity, basically. Which is why I'm not writing any more books, which is why I'm not even going to be tempted by the prospect of Daleks, and which is why - ultimately - this is going to be my last posting around here for a while.

Goodnight and thankyou,

L.M.

P.S. Whatever Gary Gillat says about that DWM interview, I don't remember giving my "frank opinions" about any of the other writers. Then again, David Darlington kept buying me vodka throughout the afternoon, so my memory of things isn't exactly perfect. I know I said something damning about Christopher Bulis at one point, but that's hardly going to set the world on fire.

I belive the Chinese call themselves "Sons of Heaven" and everyone else "(Terrian) Devils". China's name until the last century was Middle Kingdom.

Considering Every planet in our System has a Latin name, even Uranus, Neptune and Pluto. That Explains Terra (Though Tellus Mater is the proper name of the Earth in Latin).

Earther Sounds Derogatory, and Human makes it sound like we moved here.

OFFICIAL AUDIO ADVENTURES: Opportunity to recycle old scripts done as a hobby in the 80s and now be paid for them.

Dalek: Grown man riding a tricycle while looking thru a tube.

Cyberman: Aluminum foiled man with huge accordion on his chest

Leela: Cheesecake

Toilet Mouth: See Tom Baker

Nick Briggs: See BAD ACTORS, BAD DIRECTORS, BAD WRITERS, BAD MUSICIANS, BAD TEABOYS, and most of the rest of the entries under BAD

BAD: Not just an album by Michael Jackson, it seems.

Fetching: See Sarah J. Smith
K-9: The robot dog with 2 voices
Davros: The Emperor Christopher Pike dictator
Whomobile: The one time use vehicle
The Master: The body snatcher (regen. #13)

EVERYBODY ON THE PLANET: Suggested at some point as possible contenders to take on the role of the Doctor.

DUNN, SHEILA: One-time wife of Douglas Camfield and woman from 'Inferno' now playing fat woman with black teeth in Harry Hill series. Fact.

MY OLD MAN: Someone obviously off the planet, as his name has never been brought up to play the lead role in Doctor Who.

THE ANCESTOR CELL: See WHY EDITORS SHOULD NEVER WRITE BOOKS FOR THEIR OWN LINES. (For further info on this, see DECEIT, PARALLEL 59, and WHERE ANGELS FEAR)

"HELLO FLAMES, LOOK AT MY LOVELY SHINEY NEW WATCH, ISN'T IT NICE?": See BURNING, THE (COVER).

Earth: Primary target of every single dog-gone, dang-blasted alien species in the universe.

VARDANS: A group of aliens who set their sights higher or had never heard of Earth.

THOMAS, CHRIS: Fan who obviously STILL hasn't read No Future...

THOMAS, CHRIS: Fan who admits to looking rather foolish, especially when then likes of Carter, Emily, is around.

You're right; I haven't read No Future - there's so many novels now I don't think I'll ever catch up!

All right then - did the Gonds ever want to invade Earth?

I thought I'd never catch up either, but it's amazing what you can achieve when you dedicate a couple of years to this task...

I'm afraid the Gonds don't count as a 'dog-gone, dang-blasted alien species.' Like the Dulcinians or the Kinda, They're too a) human-looking, b) victimised and c) boring. If it's any consolation, the Krotons _did_ land on Earth (though 'invade' might be going a bit far) in 'Alien Bodies'.

MIRE BEAST: Has never or will never invade the Earth. Probably.

Well, I'm sure it _would_ have invaded Earth had Barbara not shot the poor thing dead.

What about that anti-matter beast in Planet of Evil?

Well, but for the Doctor's intervention it would doubtless have blown the entire universe to smithereens, so it counts as one of those aliens who tries to destroy Earth.

But if it's any consolation, I don't think the Alien Voord *snigger* have made it to Earth yet.

You know, in a mid-80s Doctor Who comic it was revealed the Voord evolved into Cybermen...

Lies. THE VOORD WILL RULE ALL.

Barbara didn't shoot a/the Mire Beast, did she? She shot Vicki's pet lump of papier-mache in 'The Rescue', but I think that's about the only thing she ever killed. (Apart from the weighty beehive look, I guess). Looks like the Day of the Mire Beast will come after all! (Sharpens axe eagerly and waits patiently)

Given the low levels of reproduction on that world, I was assuming that killing one Mire Beast did the race in for good. But, of course, I'm probably wrong, and one day Earth will see the Mire Beast horde descending from above in search of vengeance on Barbara Wright.

Barbara did kill all those brains in Keys of Marinus, AND that thingamajig in Web Planet. And I'm sure she's done away with a Dalek or two - who hasn't?

Thank god the comics aren't canon. What a thoroughly awful idea - what could possibly induce the Alien Voord to swap those lovely wetsuits for headlamps and tin foil?

Comics aren't canon? Tosh, how else do you explain Mission: Impractical?

Wiser minds than me have failed to explain Mission: Impractical...you can just about understand ONE David A McIntee novel being commissioned, but one after another after another, all boring as the Dulcians...Doctor Who book editors work in mysterious ways. I'm just busy praising a non-existent god that Mike read it so I don't have to.

Oh, OK, you mean the appearance of that so-s t u p i d-it-could-only-have-appeared-in-a-cartoon Frobisher creature. Well, I always thought that the Eternal Truth of the Doctor's life was revealed only in original novels and BBC episodes (OK, and maybe the audios, but I wouldn't know) but that lesser mediums occasionally caught a glimpse (and in the case of Target novelisations, more than a glimpse) of the Divine Revelations - probably via a space-time visualiser or the Matrix. Hence some comic authors - or artists or whatever you call them - discovered a few scraps of truth, and built distorted fiction around them - just like in the Cushing movies.

So, as with Stacy and Ssard, the comics got Frobisher's existence correct, but that doesn't mean that anything they say happened in regard to that penguin actually _did_ happen. As for the Voord/Cyberman thing...well, it was obviously just INVENTED by some idiot and thrown in as one big joke.

Don't tell me you Outpost Gallifreyans are trying to include comics in your canon? Isn't life difficult enough?

Isn't Frobisher going to appear in some upcoming audio adventures?

More alternative names for the Doctor: SHANGO; BARRY (okay that second one was made up...)

Where is Shango from?

There's also 'Midwife' (the Aztecs - Left-Handed Hummingbird) and 'Interfering Idiot' (the Chelonians - Zamper).

Shango, the God of Lightning - 'Christmas on a Rational Planet' and, before that, 'Transit'.

I also remembered another alternate name: MULDWYCH, from 'Birthright' and 'Happy Endings'

Thanks to Emily, I read this a few days back and was frankly annoyed. Why? Well, the dratted tome had bits in it I had posted, (innovatively, I had thought), on this site. My Time Lash anagram, certain other phrases/thoughts... all in print before my eyes. With hindsight, some of my old postings may have seemed highly unoriginal. Some of you must've thought 'he got that observation from that Completely Useless Encyclopaedia book the plagarist' and I honestly, genuinely, had never read the bloody thing up until last Saturday. Liked it, though, all the same. I liked the entry under Sir Keith Gold, amongst others. But still, I thought the Time Lash anagram was My idea... (sniff)

DOCTOR: Often what people wished they *hadn't* ordered, in the case of Cybermen, Daleks et al.

APPLE: If the Daleks invested in a small orchard, one of these a day could have seen many of their plans succeed.

LONG, BLOODY CONFUSING SERIES: Babylon 5 (Bet you thought I was gonna say Dr. Who)

BICYCLE PUMP: 1) Device used for inflating bicycle tyres (not bicyles themselves) and 2) Device used for starting TARDISes.

*Wince*

DOCTOR WHO, NEW SERIES OF: Greatest thing in history of universe ever, apart from bit involving bicycle pump...

COOL GUY WHO WEARS A LEATHER JACKET IN A TOP-RATING TV SHOW: The Fonz (who were you thinking of?)

SCARF: Sacred item worn by the 4th Doctor, and brainlessly destroyed by the 5th Doctor.

Harry Sullivan: Imbicile

SCARF: Item recreated sometime after the brainless destruction by the Fifth Doctor, rediscovered by the Seventh Doctor, just after his regeneration.

RENEGADE TIME LORDS: See DOCTOR, THE; MASTER, THE; RANI, THE; SHOBOGANS, THE; FACTION PARADOX, THE; VALLEYARD, THE; WAR CHIEF, THE; SUSAN; ROMANADVORATNELUNDAR; DRAX; K'AMPO/CHO-JE; ASMAEL; BRAXIATEL, IRVING; WILDTHYME, IRIS; HEDIN; BORUSA; GOTH; KELNER; MORTIMUS; MORBIUS; RUATH; OMEGA...

Ah, bless, the Shada novelisation has just added the Interfering Nun, the Heresiarch of Drornid, Subjatric and Rundgar the terrible tyrants who drowned their own mother in a leaky SIDRAT, and Lady Scintilla.

SONIC SCREWDRIVER: Lame device lazy writers use far too often (see also Baker, Tom)

Emily, I believe that Rassilon is missing from your list.

Rassilon is not a renegade.

SONIC SCREWDRIVER: Lame device lazy writers use far too often (see also Baker, Tom)

TOM is a lazy device writers use far too often?!

Emily, I believe that Rassilon is missing from your list.

Rassilon is not a renegade.

Well, he wasn't when I wrote the list (also, as was pointed out, I forgot the Monk. Plus since then New Who has blessed us with the Corsair, and Divided Loyalties may have unblessed us with a few more renegades (or at least pathetic students who THINK they're renegades) plus I should have said GRANDFATHER Paradox rather than the entire Faction...). But I suspect his attempt to blow up the universe puts him in the 'Renegade' category.

Though I suppose you can argue that he was a renegade as far as the universe was concerned but a firm part of the Time Lord establishment, though given that he vaporised or enslaved everyone in said establishment who ventured to disagree with him, does that really COUNT?

Hmm. The online dictionary says 'A renegade is someone who rejects one religion or group for another' so Rassilon WOULDN'T qualify under that definition. Mind you, neither would Omega - he WANTED to REJOIN the Time Lords.

TOM is a lazy device writers use far too often?!
Well they certainly used him far too often from 1976-1980....

Blimey, it's a miracle you don't just say 1974-1981 and have done...

Well now that would be a little cruel- he did some good stuff in the early part of his run but he should have left when Leela did...

I hate to admit this--I agree with Rodney here.

Tom pretty much phoned in the entire "The Key To Time" story--and while it picked up some when Lalla came(and he did do some good work) he had clearly been there too long by then.

Why are you people SAYING such things??!!!

Even if Tom wasn't the Greatest Doctor Ever* and even if seven years wasn't the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM any half-decent Doctor should be forced to give us, haven't you SEEN who succeeded him? The cricketing wimp with the decorative vegetable and the homicidal nutcase in That Coat...

*Um, give or take a couple of New Who Docs...

NYSSA OF TRAKEN: The future Mrs. Tim McCree

Of course, you wouldn't DREAM of expecting Nyssa to DEGRADE herself by taking your name.

YOU would become Mr Tim O'Traken.

Well, Emily, I wouldn't care either way.

CLARA OSWALD: The future Mrs. Rodney Hrvatin

Well, Emily, I wouldn't care either way.

You should adopt her name on PRINCIPLE, not because you DON'T CARE. Quite apart from anything else, THAT attitude may result in you adopting her pet Mattie...

CLARA OSWALD: The future Mrs. Rodney Hrvatin

Well, I suppose the DALEK version might accept you...

Well, I suppose the DALEK version might accept you...

I'd live inside a Dalek if she was with me. I'd even learn to like Souflee...

CLARA OSWALD: The future Mrs. Rodney Hrvatin

I'd live inside a Dalek if she was with me. I'd even learn to like Souflee...

Hey Rodney - how much to NOT report this to your fiancée...?

She knows. She doesn't care....

They should have used A Man in a Box and a Little Lady instead of The Eleventh Hour.

She knows. She doesn't care....

What, she hasn't even insisted you clamber into a Dalek casing for a few hours while she feeds you soufflé through a straw, to prove that your devotion to HER is equal to your devotion to Ms Oswald?

Wow.

This one's a keeper.

new entry for the CUE:

Halprin, Kate: Witty, incisive, even biting. Her posts are treasured.

Companion Cross-dressing: when a gorgeous twenty-something woman disguises herself as a teenage boy to find work, not a single fellow worker will suspect a thing. Even (in fact especially) if she's very clearly an attractive, full-figured woman with her hair tied up beneath an ever-present hat.

Bonus points if one of her colleagues then becomes tortured about his inexplicable attraction to this new 'male' arrival.

SEE: The Smugglers, The Time Warrior

Which colleagues became attracted to Polly and Sarah?!

And don't forget The Crusade. (Alright, Vicki doesn't quite quality as a gorgeous twenty-something woman, but still...)

VINCE HAWKINS: A swell chap to know.

VINCE HAWKINS: A peculiar object of obsession, particularly in a universe containing David Tennant.

VINCE HAWKINS: The most controversial non-controversial character in the Whoniverse.

VINCE HAWKINS: Would never have happened if they'd just used oil.

Vince gets four entries here.

Vince, dude, well done!

The most controversial non-controversial character in the Whoniverse.

TAKING BRIBES isn't controversial?!

Would never have happened if they'd just used oil.

ARN: Alternate Reality Nyssa. This is the Nyssa that had two kids named Tegan and Adric, and ended up in that garden in E-Space.

Not to be confused with NYSSA OF TRAKEN or Nyssa Prime.

ARN: Alternate Reality Nyssa. This is the Nyssa that had two kids named Tegan and Adric,

Actually it turns out she had two kids named Neeka and Adric, she just lied to Tegan about one of 'em being named after her *helpless shrug*.

Not to be confused with NYSSA OF TRAKEN or Nyssa Prime.

But you need TWO ARNs, one for the audios and one for that stupid Fourth Doctor PDA Asylum.

AFRICA, SOUTH: Place where upon arrival you are told to move down the corridor and turn white.

ARD: Alternate Reality Doctor. A Doctor that exist in a continuity that is totally separate from the main show. Examples include the Cushing Doctor from the two films, and the Trevor Martin Doctor from the stage play.

MCCREE, TIM: wants to romance Nyssa and Sarah Sutton at the same time. Has a thing for Vince Hawkins and bribery.

Sarah Sutton is a married woman.

Nyssa, on the other hand, she's all mine! Mine I say. MINE!

Say what you like, but even I have to admit that Nitcentral is slightly less canonical than all those novels and audios that provide Nyssa with various lovers/fiances/husbands/children...

I don't care what the ARN does.

Nyssa Prime is all that matters.

Nyssa Prime is rotting on a leper colony, even I regard a husband (if not kids) as a preferable fate...

Nyssa Prime takes her skirt off for anyone. Maybe she asked the Doctor to take her to a nudist beach

Natalie, I'm going to overlook that comment, this time.

TOM BAKER TITLE SEQUENCE, FIRST: Stayed in place waay too long, so that by the end, the guy in the titles, didn't match the guy in the show.

Well, they did change it for his final season.

VINCE HAWKINS: Alive and well, living in the 21st Century and in a relationship with Sally Sparrow. Has acquired a taste for chocolate ice cream.

SALLY SPARROW: Devastated by the (presumed) death of her fiancé, Lawrence, found happiness and love again by meeting Vince Hawkins (see entry above this one).

FANFIC: Not canon.

CARTER, EMILY: SEE APOCRYPHA.

Emily isn't apocrypha. She'll always be pseudepigrapha.

I'll always be WHAT!

LIGHTHOUSE KILLER STORY: A mysterious Tom Baker story in which the Fourth Doctor murders a bunch of people in a lighthouse. Seems to have aired only in Australia and nowhere else.

Not to be confused with the Tom Baker story, Horror Of Fang Rock, which also takes place in a lighthouse.

SYLVESTER MCCOY: Did not provide the voice of Yosemite Sam

NYSSA OF TRAKEN (OR NYSSA PRIME): Happily living in Australia with her wife, Tegan Jovanka.

PERPUGILLLIAM BLUE: Like Peri, but blue.