Moderator's Note: This is Mike's original Mel summary:

Mel wasn't terrible, but she did have the habit of playing to the rafters. Her scream was so high-pitched as to verge on the ultrasonic. But once again, the probelms stem from the scripts.

I'm reading the New Adventure Head Games right now, and it features Mel. She's pretty good--older, a little bitter, and no longer willing to do everything the Doctor says.



Ok first one to say something about Mel!
Actually I'm in the minority in that I really
like her.
Although I do think it would be interesting to
see what would happen if Mel became the next
Borg Queen.
You know they'd have to change to:RESISTANCE IS
FUTILE,YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED,BUT FIRST YOU MUST
DO TWENTY JUMPING JACKS AND DRINK TEN QUARTS OF
CARROT JUICE!(Nothing worse than a flabby Collective!)

I'm sorry but she seemed totally miscast. That squeaky voice grated after two minutes and I don't know if it was Bonnie Langford, the producer or various directors but she always delivered a performance that was condescending, making it anything but real.
I'm loathe to use the word pantomime but I've performed in a couple in the past and it's exactly the style you use for that kind of production - but nothing else.

I'm another member of the minority who actually like Mel. She was a traditional companion who might have been better suited to an earlier time, but she was fun.
Heck, I liked her so much, I made a web page about her! http://tetrap.simplenet.com/drwho/mel/ for those interested.

Wow...two Mel-lovers in one universe! Have you tried therapy?

I think they're beyond help... what would Freud say, I ask myself? Mind you, what was the Doctor thinking in the first place?

That's the trouble with them meeting in an untelevised adventure - we'll never know what blackmail or death threats she used to get aboard the TARDIS. One of the NAs/MAs mentions that after Trial of a Timelord (the Doctor presumably returned Mel home immediately post-Trial) he did his best not to meet her again (and failed, obviously) because he wanted to change his future in the hope of not eventually becoming the Valleyard. Though the author might just be being kind - there are PLENTY of other reasons why the Doctor would not want to see Mel again.

That's what I love about Who fans, we're so tolerant of other people's opinions. :-P

Personally, though Mel was a bit grating on occassion, I liked her. C'mon, how MANY of the companions made you want to grab them and shake them because they were little pansies??

Mel at least was a bit more intelligent and daring. IE--investigating in the Vervoid ep, exploring Paradise Towers, etc. Mel isn't my fave companion, but I DO like her..

As for Bonnie.. Gods, I loved Bonnie, she WAS Mel. And what a much better companion and counterpoint, especially after the atrocious Peri.

She and Sylv worked together quite well, too.

Well, I showed a few Mel episodes to a non-Who fan and I'm afraid it didn't raise her opinion of Doctor Who too much...
Actually from memory, at the end of Pip and Jane Baker's novelisation of The Ultimate Foe, the Doctor drops her off somewhere and then for a moment Mel sees two TARDISes - one disappears and out of the one remaining the Doctor emerges, a Doctor who has been off and come back to pick her up the second he left her there.

Chris, what on EARTH did you think you were doing? You lure people towards Doctor Who by showing them Deadly Assassin and City of Death, you do NOT put them off for life by showing them Bonnie Langford. In fact, it's safest to categorically deny that she ever appeared on the program. After all, even the Doctor has been known to lie for the Greater Good.

Well if I could get my hands on a copy of The Deadly Assassin I would show it!
Luckily it wasn't the first lot of Doctor Who I showed her - but my intention was to try and give her an appreciation of all the Doctors and I happen to have The Trial Of A Time Lord on my shelves (picked up in a bargain bin). She liked episode 13 the best - if only they were all like that.
But yes, I am deeply ashamed of ever having showed her some Mel episodes. Especially Part One of Paradise Towers. Not even I wanted to continue after that.

Emily I think you are my queen. The rest of you really DO need help. Seriously....

You know I saw Bonnie Langford in an episode of Goodnight Sweetheart the other night. I immediately "Oh no!" but fortunately the actress has learnt a little of the art of subtlety and modulating her squeaky voice in the past 12 years. Luckily she only had a small part as well, so she was fairly tolerable.

Ah, Goodnight Sweetheart- a reasonable idea that was ok for a couple of years, before the two quite good leading actresses left, and replaced by two godawful actresses, at the same time as the scripts began to go downhill.

Maybe they regenerated. They could be timeladies...

Nah, it is always irksome getting used to a new actress or actor playing the same part in a series. By the way, which episode was Bonnie in, they just started showing it where I live.

Here you go:
Episode 7
How I Won The War
6-Jun-99
Gary and Phoebe are talked into joining a variety troupe which is sent to entertain the allied troops in Belgium.
http://www.phill.co.uk/comedy/gns/guide06.html

Thanks Chris for the info. Looks like I am about 2 seasons behind, so I haven't missed it yet.

By the way, there was a show that reminded me strongly of Dr Who. It's about this Scot who helps an injured homeless woman named Door and apparently, because of this, he no longer exists in normal London but in some other, under, nether world London. I can't remember the name of the series that only lasted six episodes, but I believe Neil Gaimon was a writer. It was very reflective of the Dr Who during the mysterious phase.

I think it was Neverwhere? I remember reading an article about Neverwhere and Crime Traveller, saying that these were the sort of things the BBC produced instead of Doctor Who because they considered that proper sci-fi was too expensive. I screamed and ranted and was delighted when they both flopped. When are the BBC going to realise that there's no substitute for the real thing?

Well, then, this will really drive you nuts. I read on the Coming Attractions webpage that Hollywood is trying to produce a big-screen version of Neverwhere (along with Neil Gaiman's big comic book hits, the Sandman and Death).

Thanks Mike you've just ruined my day. Make that my life. I DEMAND that the next time aliens invade Earth the Doctor leaves them to it, so that humanity gets wiped off the face of this planet.

But then who would watch Dr.Who?

The Daleks?

Oh.

I hadn't thought of that.

OK, Doctor, you have my permission to continue saving the human race.

Be afraid: http://www.bonnielangford.co.uk/

No. No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

"Please, when Mel screams, could it be in the key of F...."

Well, that proves it. There is no God.


Actually, it is an interesting site, with some Doctor Who info I didn't know about. Thanks Chris (I think) for the info.

I think Mel is one of the companions who gets a bad rap.

She was only on for six episodes!!!! No real time for character development. Sarah Jane was on for 3 1/2 seasons. I became so comfortable with her that it was heartbreaking when she left.

I didn't feel that way about Mel though. Conversely though, Peri was on long enough, but she grated me until the end (Although I was pleased she wasn't killed)

Because of the way she joined the show, we were never allowed to see how she became connected to the Doctor. a la Sara Jane thought the Doctor was crazy, leela was a mentee, and Susan was his granddaughter.

Just when I was beginning to connect with her, she leaves!!!

Six episodes? Let's see: four eps for Terror of the Vervoids, two for The Ultimate Foe (otherwise known as parts 9 to 14 of Trial of a Time Lord), four eps for Time and the Rani, four eps for Paradise Towers, three eps for Delta and the Bannermen and three eps for Dragonfire.
Mel had 20 episodes in total - six stories, that is, which is two more than Liz Shaw had. And I promise not to mention her appearance in Dimensions in Time.
And while we were told Susan was the Doctor's grandaughter, we never saw how they ended up in the TARDIS together on the run.
Remember, it was Bonnie Langford's choice to leave.

Chris--

I just rented the Key of Time series and a couple of the Davison stories and learned something I hadn't known. (it was my first time renting Doctor Who videos)

I began watching Doctor Who in Indianapolis. When they showed the stories on Saturday nights, they showed the entire stories and not just the half-hour parts that I just discovered they were actually played.

The shows were always clipped together, so there weren't any credits at the end of each half-hour.
But the videos I rented conclude with credits at each half hour with a cliff hanger, and the next episode having about four or five minutes of the previous episode (But now it makes a lot of sense to me now. In some shows I could here the beginning of the closing music, but then it stop and quickly jump to the next scene!)

I don't know why I didn't realize that these were shorts put together.

So I'll gladly admit that my argument becomes weak if the shows are aired as is. But for me, I only had five weeks (they didn't show one Mel episode) of Mel, but four and a half months of Sarah Jane. Also, Mel's stories--clipped together--averaged about 90 minutes while Sarah Jane's average about 2 hours and 15 minutes.


P.S.
For my own edification...

Does Britain always do its Sci-fi shows in half-hours blocks? The Tommorow People, Blake's 7, and Doctor who for instance always had arcs told in parts.

I never gave much thought to Red Dwarf being a half-hour because it is more of a sitcom than drama and rarely arced.

So let me ask another question. In the states, dramas are usually 1 hour (I don't think I've ever actually seen a half-hour drama). Are dramas an hour or 30-minutes in England?

When Britain had the money to do this sort of thing, I believe half an hour (or 255 minutes for Who) was quite common (BTW, I think Blake's 7 is 50 minute blocks, but don't quoite me on that).

These days however, 50 minutes is far more common for drama series, while comdey is usually half an hour. When ever we do something close to SF (very rarely- I can only think of 3 that come close in the last 3 or 4 years (Crime Traveller, Invasion Earth, Last Train), it's done in 50 minute blocks.

My apologies, bdomingu, I can see how the confusion arose. Many often mistakenly use the word episode for a complete story in Doctor Who but if you're seeing them edited together I can see why you call those complete episodes.
Sara Kingdom and Katarina didn't have many episodes/stories - 1 for Sara and two for Katarina.
And how many did Dodo have in total? She didn't have a proper introduction, either, she just wandered into the TARDIS towards the end of a story and that was it.

I believe you are correct, Ed, about Blake's Seven. They were 50 minutes each. The BBC doesn't show commercials and didn't at the time (though it may be different now, you Brits will know) worried about episodes starting on the hour and ending on the hour. In an old Radio Times I took with me to the US, Doctor Who started at 5:10 and ended at 5:35 back in 1981.

Funny enough, if you take out the commercials the American 'hour' long dramas actually run about 45 to 50 minutes.

Other Brit sci-fi series runtimes:
The Quatermass Experiment (1953)- 30 min
The Lost Planet (1954) - 25 min
Quatermass II (1955) - 35 min
Quatermass and the Pit (1958-59) - 35 min
A for Andromeda (1961) - 45 to 50 min
Supercar (1961-62) - 25 min
The Avengers (1961-69)- 50 min
Stingray (1964-65) - 25 min
Thunderbirds (1965-66) - 50 min
Out of the Unknown (1965-71) - 50 to 60 min
The Prisoner (1967-68) - 50 min
Captain Scarlet and the Mysterions (1968) - 25 min
Timeslip (1970-71) - 30 min
Doomwatch (1970-72) - 50 min
UFO (1970-71) - 50 min
The Tomorrow People (1973-79) - 25 min
Moonbase 3 (1973) - 50 min
Space: 1999 (1975-78) - 50 min
Survivors (1975-77) - 50 min
The New Avengers (1976-77) - 50 min
1990 (1977-78) - 55 min
Sapphire and Steel (1979-82) - 25 min
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (1981) - 35 min
The Tripods (1984-85) - 30 min
Max Headroom (1985, 1985-87, 1987-88) - 50 to 65 min
Star Cops (1987) - 55 min
Red Dwarf (1988 - present) - 30 min

Anything later my reference book doesn't mention it. Hope this clears something up.

A conversation recently, and Bonnie Langford was mentioned. As you do. And the fortunate person who did not know who in Hades she was was prompted by someone else with "One-time Doctor Who girl". And then she knew.

My question is this: apart from playing Peter Pan a lot in panto, and aside from being a grotesque child star, what actually has she done? Into what category does this anomalous person fit? I suspect we may never know...

I would put her in the category of light entertainment on stage, doing lots of cheesy musicals.
Spot a young Bonnie Langford in a very small part in the 1976 film Bugsy Malone (she's credited as Bonita Langford).
And, as mentioned above, she appeared in an episode of Goodnight Sweetheart.

Remember, PJW, you asked:

1971
Opportunity Knocks - (Variety show) Bonnie won by singing On the Good Ship Lollipop.

1973
Gypsy - (Stage Show) as "Baby June", playing in Piccadilly Theatre, 29May73 for 300 performances. Performed songs included: Let Me Entertain You

1974
Gypsy - (Stage Show) as "Baby June", playing at the Winter Garden Theatre on Broadway, 23Sep74 to 4Jan75. Performed Songs same as London showing. (Nominated for a Drama Desk Award)

1976
Bugsy Malone - (Movie) as "Lena Marelli". Description: Gangster movie with all the parts played by children. Bonnie's role is minor.

1977
Just William - (TV Series) as "Violet Elzabeth Bott". Description: series about a schoolboy and his group of friends.

Wombling Free - (Movie) Description: Bonnie plays a schoolgirl who is the only one who can see the Wombles, hairy creatures which live beneath Wimbledon Common.

1978
Cinderella - (Stage Show) Details unknown.

1981
Cats! - (Stage Show) as "Rumpleteaser". 11May81 at the New London Theatre. The premier of Andrew Lloyd Webber's show about cats. Also appearing was Brian Blessed, who would later appear in Doctor Who.

1982
Pirates of Penzance - (Stage Show) as "Mabel". At the Theatre Royal 26May82. Also appearing were Sylvester McCoy and Tim Curry.

1983
The Hot Shoe Show - (Television)

1984
Pirates of Penzance - (Stage Show) at the Royal Opera House in Manchester.

Cinderella - (Stage Show) as "Cinderella". Dec 84 to Jan 85 at the Wimbledon Theatre.

Saturday Starship - (Television) 1984-85. Children's show.

Give Us a Clue - (Television) 1984, 1985 Description: Celebrity Charades.

The Adventure Game - (Television) 23Feb84

1985
Peter Pan - (Stage Show) as "Peter Pan"

1986
This Is Your Life - (Television) as subject

Doctor Who - (Television) as "Melanie" 1986-87

The Worst Witch - (Movie) Vocals for theme only.

1987
Charley Girl - (Stage Show) 1987-88

1988
Spring ITV Telethon

1989
Cinderella - (Stage Show) Dec 89-Jan 90 at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre

1990
Pirates of Penzance - (Stage Show) at the London Palladium

Record Breakers - (Television) Dec 90, as part of a record breaking chorus line

1992
Me and My Girl - (Stage Show) 1992-93

1993
Shop Assistance, celebrity fund raising event for the Terrance Higgins Trust appearing with Sophie Aldred.

Pirates of Penzance - (Stage Show) tour

Dimensions in Time - (Television) charity event

A Step in Time - (Stage Show) Nov 93 at the Redgrave

Jack and the Beanstalk - (Stage Show) as "Jack" Dac 93 - Jan 94 at the Theatre Royal

1994
Oklahoma - (Stage Show) as "Ado Annie" on tour

1995
Kids Glorious Kids - (Radio) presenter, a special on child stars

The Fleet's In - Royal Charity Gala for the King George's fund for sailors, at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane

Norman Conquest - (Radio) as "Pixie Everard", 1995-96, Gumshoe detective series

Aladdin - (Stage Show) 1995-96

1996
The Musical of the Year 1996 - International Music contest in Aarhus, Denmark, 20/21Sep96

The Frank Skinner Show - (Television) guest

Barrymore - (Television) guest

1997
Life Support - (Stage Show)

Don't Dress For Dinner - (Stage Show) as "Suzette" at Haymarket, Basingstoke

A Lot of Living - (Stage Show) at Jermyn Street Theatre

Sweet Charity - (Radio Broadcast) - 09Aug97 on BBC Radio 2

1998
The Other Side of Me... - (show)

Wogan's Web - (Television) guest

Sweet Charity - (Stage Show) as "Charity Hope Valentine". 17Mar98-15Aug98 at the Victoria Palace Theatre

Songs from the Shows - (gala) for the BBC
Caberet sets at the Cafe Royal's Green Room May/June

Good Morning Sunder - (Radio) Aug98

On the Town - (Charity Gala) 27Sep98 for St Joseph's Hospice and Schonfeld Home. as Hackney's Empire Theatre.

The Generation Game - (Television) guest

Living It Up - (Television) guest 05Nov

Jack and the Beanstalk - (Pantomime) as Jill, at the Town Hall in High Wycombe, 11Dec98-17Jan99

1999
"My West End and More" - at the Royal Leamington Spa, 25Jun99. "Starring Bonnie Langford with her orchestra"

She's also sung on 11 albums, mostly cast recordings.

I saw her in Sweet Charity - well, it was a free ticket (I've got a friend who works in the Palace Theatre) and how often do you have the chance to see a real live Companion, even one who you sincerely wish was NOT a real live Companion. Her hair was a different colour for some reason, and without a) all that orange, and b) all that screaming, I couldn't really believe that this was Mel. Which, for the sake of her health, was probably just as well.

According to the latest from Outpost Gallifrey.... Bonnie Langford Signs On: Bonnie Langford has returned to the role of Melanie Bush for the first time in 14 years for the upcoming Big Finish audio "The Fires of Vulcan" by Steve Lyons, joining Sylvester McCoy.

Highly illogical, captain.

Mike, I am pleasantly astounded! Thank you! I can so imagine her as Violet Bott.

And Emily, I understand the thrill completely. Seeing someone like that on stage is a v. special experience, and the great thing was that Christopher Benjamin was practically identical to Jago! Of course, fellow students had no comprehension of him, Christopher Robbie, Julian Glover or any of the others, but it was such a nice surprise for me. It was noted by all, however, that the one-time Cyberleader did spit a lot when he raised his voice - in great chunky blobs, too!

At the Battlefield III convention, Jason Haigh-Ellery asked in all frankness how the return of Mel to the audio range would be recieved - they were dipping a toe in the water, so to speak. Let's just say the bath wasn't at quite the right temperature... ;')

I hear Bonnie Langford was so wrapped with audio she did for Big Finish she's keen to do another one as soon as possible.

Oh.

Just what the world needs, hmm? More Mel.

re the Battlefield III convention - that took place in the UK, yes? I've found in general the British fans are less inclined to like Bonnie. Unfortunately this tends to spill over internationally, with fans from other countries "following the leader" :P

Anyway, I am glad Bonnie is willing to do more audios. I'm hoping she'll do one with Colin - the sixth Doctor and Mel were great together.

Incidentally, the URL I give above is no longer valid - should be http://www.tetrap.com/drwho/mel/

I wouldn't exactly say that the Sixth Doctor and Mel were 'great' together, but I have to admit it was a good pairing. I.e. I hated each one so much that having the other hanging around as well made little difference.

The one good thing about 'The Twin Dilemma' was that it kept all it's c r a p eggs in one c r a p basket. Helen Blatch, the twins, the strangulation, the bad dialogue... if it had been a Mel story, it would've been perfect.

Maybe they should have thrown in the giant rat as well...or would it have been too good for The Twin Dilemma?

I still haven't got over that story. How Doctor Who could have plunged - in the SEVEN DAYS between episode four of Caves of Androzani and episode one of Twin Dilemma - from being the greatest televisual achievement of the human race to being a pile of utter - oh, I'm not allowed to use that word - well, to just self-destructing so hideously is beyond me.

They could've put it all together as a seven-parter - the Twin Dilemma and Delta and the Bannerman - as one story, then sent it back in time to the 1960s where it could have been destroyed instead of Evil of the Daleks.

Hey! I LIKE Delta! OK, I'm not claiming that, strictly speaking, it's actually any GOOD but it's a fun, well, I hate using this word, but it's a fun romp. Apart from those unspeakable Americans, and Billy, and the loud music, and Ken Dodd, and all that racing around on motorbikes, of course.

Delta and the Bannermen without Ken Dodd is like Power of the Daleks without the Daleks.

The great thing about bad stories is that we learn from them. Okay, so Twin and Caves are hardly bedfellows, and cannot possibly occupy adjacent spaces on the old video wall, but any future Who producers/writers will at least know never to do anything like that again. Besides which, we have to have bad stories to know what the good stories are.

Doctor Who is unique. No other series, (whether it's American, British, Australian or Zimbabwean), can claim to have such scope in terms of story types, settings, characters, back history and what have you. It's inevitable you're going to, with all this hippy-dippy hoopy-froopy experimentation going on for 26 years, have some botched jobs littering the otherwise lovely Who landscape. Take the parallel of the human race. You can't evolve without the Chris Evanses and the Prince Naseems and the Michael Winners.

I know it can't possibly justify something like 'The Twin Dilemma' being made, but it's probably the only way to come to terms with it's terrible, terrible existence.

Nice try PJW, but you know, if EVERY Doctor Who story was as mind-blowingly brilliant as City of Death, I really think that their totally fantastic nature would shine through even if we were not, er, blessed with The Web Planet to compare them to. I mean, it would just be OBVIOUS. Plus if we needed to feel superior we could just watch ANY of the non-Who televisual output of the human race for five minutes.

Me, I think I'd prefer NOT to come to terms with Twin Dilemma's existance. Doesn't setting fire to a pile of Twin Dilemmas sound more cathartic than trying to philosophise about them?

Frankly, it's all relative. Which would you rather watch? Twin Dilemma or Battlefield Earth?

One is a low budget Brit sci fi television story, the other a cult religion inspired megadollar hollywood extravaganza.

Frankly, I would rather watch Twin Dilemma. Besides, it has Peri in it. Not Mel. Not sure how I would vote if it had Mel in it.

Emily, 'The Web Planet' is the bee's knees. It's so bad it's good. But I suppose you're right. There is probably at least one story per season that wasted the talents of the key actors and set makers to an unforgiveable, regrettable degree. It's a shame we can't go back in time and re-write 'The Highlanders' and 'The Savages'. Inject a little va-va-voom.

Luiner, nice try but if I could only watch either Twin Dilemma or Battlefield Earth between now and when I die (to really blow up the question) I'd probably choose none of 'em. In fact, (and it may be a rash, on the spur of the moment decision), but I don't think I'm ever going to watch 'Twin Dilemma' ever again. 'Trial of a Time Lord', which is also dubious, is at least 'interesting'. But 'Twin Dilemma' can't really be enjoyed on more than one level. It's the Doctor Who story most like cardboard.

I'm not sure I agree with PJW's view as Dr Who being unique in the annals of sci-fi. I'd put Star Trek up against it any day; it's a phenomenon with just as much longevity (spread over four series and several movies) and global influence as Who, and the ST universe has just as much scope and depth as the Doctor's. Not everyone outside the UK knows what a TARDIS or Dalek is, but even a dirt farmer in Argentina knows "beam me up, Scotty."

As for Mel, I first met her in audio and thought she was great (The One Doctor). Even after seeing her on screen, she seemed okay, certainly not any worse than your average screaming companion.

----------------
spread over four series and several movies
----------------

That would be five.

Five what? The movies are really extentions of their given series.

There are five Star Trek television series (six if you count the animated version) - the original, The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager and Enterprise.

I found a couple of quotes by Noel Coward who was watching a version of 'Gone With The Wind' at Drury Lane Theatre which featured budding child star Bonnie Langford. When a horse messed up the stage he commented "If they'd stuffed the child's head up the horse's ar*e, they would
have solved two problems at once".

His final observation was "Two things should be cut; the second act and the child's throat".

I thought I did scathing reviews but I can see I'm gonna have to work on them. I must revise my unfavourable opinion of Noel Coward. (It's not as if I know anything about Coward, except that he appeared in Mad Dogs and Englishmen, and that's more than enough to give me an unfavourable opinion.)

Re:last comment
He wrote said piece, Emily....

Well. Mel's name doesn't come up when Sarah Googles TARDIS. (SJA: Death of the Doctor.) Either she never made it back to Earth or she never achieved anything when she did. Tee hee!

Re: "Mel's Non-Appearance"
Maybe Savalom Glitz sold Mel off at a Slave Market, somewhere after she "outlived her usefulness", so to speak, or got too annoying, even for him...

That is indeed not only the most blissful possibility, but the most likely. Now that the novels have been decanonised, we don't need to believe she was dumped back home, older and bitterer (Head Games) OR murdered on an alien planet* (Heritage).

*Not as fun as it sounds...she left a CLONE of herself.

And now a word from our Mel fans in 1985:

"Besides, I do think a lot of the Mel bashing that goes on is just the result of a few highly witty people getting more and more hyperbolic in their put-downs of the character. It's a pile-on mentality. I expect that in a few years, even the regular reviewers in this group will look back and realise that even with Mel's notable flaws, she wasn't nearly as bad as all that."

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Fantastic! Where did you FIND it?

(In fairness, there WAS a brief softening towards Mel when a few Big Finishs came out and it transpired that - like Colin - she's WAY less offensive on audio, but...SOMEONE was being optimistic...)

DWM: 'The character of Malenie "Bush" (her surname was never given on screen)' - SERIOUSLY? Why the HELL do we think of her as Melanie Bush, then??

DWM: 'The character of Malenie "Bush" (her surname was never given on screen)'

Which leaves open the possibility that her surname is really Lake, Waters, or Rivers.

Why the HELL do we think of her as Melanie Bush, then??

It was the name intended by the writers, who managed to leak it to the fans without actually putting it on screen.

Which leaves open the possibility that her surname is really Lake, Waters, or Rivers.

Mel is SO not a regeneration of River Song. River would NEVER abandon the Doctor for Sabalom Glitz.

It was the name intended by the writers, who managed to leak it to the fans without actually putting it on screen.

Well the writers have been leaking surnames for Ace for decades, and none of THEM stuck. Admittedly it would have helped if they'd leaked the SAME surname instead of going for 'Gale' AND 'McShane' but hey, that little problem was TOTALLY cleared up when a pregnant Ace was shot dead by James Dean and a ten-foot Ace from another dimension arrived...but I digress.

River would NEVER abandon the Doctor for Sabalom Glitz.

No one would, unless they were insane, or a complete idiot. Mel was neither, so she was clearly hypnotised by the Doctor, who wanted to swap her for Ace.

River isn't immune to hypnotism, so far as we know, so it's still possible she and Mel are the same person. It may not seem likely, but it's the kind of twist many writers love.

If the Doctor didn't suspect River was immune to hypnotism, why didn't he try to hypnotise her while time was disintegrating instead of taking the far more drastic step of marrying the woman?

And it's not as if her relentless childhood HATE THE DOCTOR! indoctrination exactly paid off...

If the Doctor didn't suspect River was immune to hypnotism, why didn't he try to hypnotise her

Seven would have, but Eleven is much more ethical.

And it's not as if her relentless childhood HATE THE DOCTOR! indoctrination exactly paid off...

Well, to be fair, it was up against the Doctor's charisma. Even without hypnotism, his natural charm is so great that it's a little surprising he can go two minutes without being propositioned.

Seven would have, but Eleven is much more ethical.

What ON EARTH makes you think ELEVEN is more ethical than Seven, or indeed ANY other Doctor? He's the worst liar of the bunch, for starters.

Even without hypnotism, his natural charm is so great that it's a little surprising he can go two minutes without being propositioned.

The bow tie probably helps in this regard.

Saward in DWM: '[John Nathan-Turner] came in and said "I want a companion with red hair!"...I thought, "What nonsense is this now? Why a companion with red hair?" No thought had gone into it. With all due respect, Bonnie didn't have much of a reputation as an actress...That said, I wrote a piece for her audition with Colin and she was brilliant...It was a similar situation with Matthew Waterhouse: John said that he'd been brilliant at his audition. That was Matthew's best performance!'

Hasn't JNT ever heard of HAIR-DYE?! Or, better still, CATHERINE TATE??

How old was Catherine at the time?

According to Wikipedia, Catherine Tate was born in 1968. So she would have been 17-18 around this time. However, she did not start acting until around 1990 (according to that same Wiki page).

"Hasn't JNT ever heard of HAIR-DYE?"

Isn't Mark Strickson naturally blond, and had to dye his hair red to play Turlough?

In years to come, of course, ginger impersonation of this kind will be as unacceptable as Amos 'n' Andy!!!

Hasn't JNT ever heard of HAIR-DYE?"

Isn't Mark Strickson naturally blond, and had to dye his hair red to play Turlough?

God, you're right, he's TOTALLY heard of hair-dye. So what the hell was he playing at?!

In years to come, of course, ginger impersonation of this kind will be as unacceptable as Amos 'n' Andy!!!

Amos 'n' Andy...?

Racist 1950s American sitcom with stereotyped "blacks"

Actually I meant the earlier radio version, with white people playing the stereotyped blacks. The TV series at least realised that they couldn't get away with this and cast genuine black actors.

Whether it was racist is a matter of debate, and people today who swear it is have never seen or heard an episode.

Basically, it portrayed two black people who were country bumpkins and continued doing so at a time when the black community was moving into cities and distancing itself from the country bumpkin image. They frequently mispronounced words, which has been a comedy for staples since before A&A as it still is today.

At no point that I'm aware of did they make any out-and-out 'racist' jokes. They were simply portraying country blacks to comedic effect. It's just that, at the time, they were pretty much the only blacks that many whites had any exposure to, and the black community, understandably, didn't want to be represented by two stupid characters.

'Melanie is one of those annoying young ladies who is a women's libber at all times, except at moments of great stress when she relies heavily on playing the hard-done-by, downtrodden, crocodile-teared female' - JNT's charming synopsis of the character. So she COULD have been worse, after all.

Someone should kick JNT in the arse on principle!

Gareth Roberts in DWM: 'The Doctor and Mel seem never to have a cross word. Like him, she is scarily intelligent, somewhat eccentric, and indefatigably clean-cut and moral. She very much holds the upper hand, their converstaion is light and agreeable...In Time and the Rani he says that he "chose" Mel as his companion. And in the time we see them together, the Sixth Doctor is a much more settled, avuncular, Doctorish figure. More than with anybody else but the Brigadier and Sarah, Mel seems to be the Doctor friend...'

Good. GOD.

To say none of this ever crossed my mind would be the understatement of the century.

What about Romana II, for starters?

Mel screams too much for my liking.

Mel screams? Why has nobody ever noticed this before?

Paradise Towers:

How the hell can anyone be so enthusiastic about a swimming-pool? ANYONE? EVER? How come NO spin-off media has put forward the BLANTANTLY OBVIOUS suggestion that Mel's not HUMAN, she's some kind of bizarre robot designed to snare the Doctor but horribly misprogrammed...

Why is Mel so mean to Pex from the start? ANY well-meaning company should be welcome in this horribly-dangerous dump.

And THEN she discovers that he's a...*drumroll*...conscientious objector! The FILTHY SCUMBAG actually had the UNBELIEVABLE CHEEK to refuse to participate in a war of which Mel knows precisely nothing (give or take its apparent ONE HUNDRED PER CENT FATALITY RATE). So naturally she white-feathers him to within an inch of his life (could she not at least have attempted to ascertain whether his side was the 'right' side first?).

Don't TELL the maniacs who are currently attempting to kill and eat you that something is coming up through the waste disposal chute, you GIBBERING IMBECILE.

Oh dear gods, now Mel is reading the lift numbers aloud in her excitement as the lift goes up...

SOME Companions become a Bad Wolf Goddess of all time n'space. SOME Companions become the most important woman in the whole wide universe. OTHER Companions, however, achieve their heart's desire by...arriving at a swimming pool. 'It's jut how I imagined it!' - yes, the water looks so WET! The brick walls look so...brickish!! And the white plastic furniture is just so...white and plastic!!! Be still, my beating heart!

Half an hour of Kangs chanting 'he's a cowardly cutlet' at Pex, and Mel doesn't ONCE inform them that he saved her miserable skin from cannibals...?

How the hell can anyone be so enthusiastic about a swimming-pool? ANYONE? EVER? How come NO spin-off media has put forward the BLANTANTLY OBVIOUS suggestion that Mel's not HUMAN, she's some kind of bizarre robot designed to snare the Doctor but horribly misprogrammed...

This is what happens when 45% of your episodes are written by Pip and Jane Baker.

FORTY-FIVE ******* PER CENT!!!!

Omigawd, and her FIRST 45% to boot...

Poor girl(/robot) never stood a chance.

Mel: Doctor, you really need to lose some weight.
Six: *turns down the TARDIS gravity*
Six: Happy?

Mel should have done a musical DW story. She could have brought along her old friend Lena Zavaroni and they could have sung and danced up a storm.

No, mercy, please. You don't want to ENCOURAGE her!

The time to do a musical episode was OBVIOUSLY when you had Billie Piper and John Barrowman in the cast.

[the ninth Doctor is standing in a court room. With him is Rose]

JUDGE: Doctor! You are charged with breaking Time Lord law. Why do you do this?

ROSE: Because he wants to, because he wants to...

[sound of blaster and Rose falls to the floor]

DOCTOR: Thank you. Castallan.

Bonstance Langford - Every fan's worst nightmare.

Doctor: "Mel, would you mind screaming more quietly?"

Langford's the only regular from the original series to have been born during its run, unless you count the two girls who played Nyssa and Tegan as children in an episode of Mawdryn Undead...

Even Sophie Aldred is older than Langford!

Weird. Deeply weird. In twenty-six glorious years, Old Who should have bred its own regulars by the end. Wonder how long it'll take New Who to do so (excluding little-Hartnell, I assume?).

Natalie wrote:

Langford was 12 when she played Violet Elizabeth in Just William and then had those singing-and-dancing specials with fellow child star Lena Zavaroni. You can see why many in UK fandom felt at the time that Langford's casting as Mel was the cherry on the •••• sundae that had turned out to be - for them - the Colin Baker era.

I had no idea who Bonnie Langford was when she joined Who, I'd never seen her previous work. So I was able to watch without judging her from said previous work.

Same here. But after one episode...mmm...ugh. Me no like.
Didn't like her voice or her character. Even now, she's way, waaaay down the list of companions that I like.
Heck, dare I say it? I even liked Adric MUCH more than her!

Apparently, the Audios have redeemed the character in the eyes of many fans.

Which shows it all comes down to script, script, script.

Nah, they've gone a long way to redeeming Colin Baker, but not even the fun of Bang Bang a Boom or The One Doctor or the brilliance of Flip Flop is enough to redeem Mel, and she had plenty of dross as well - Davros-loving-freak in The Juggernauts, mad-amnesiac-maiden-in-distress in Catch-1782, TARDIS-stealing-git in her post-Glitz Seventh Doctor stories...Unregenerate! and Red and Wishing Beast were so bad I don't even remember anything about Mel in them (other than, presumably, BAD)...

Bonnie Langford in Bugsy Malone:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B_SO-D4WoAI5Xcv.jpg

I can't imagine Emily hating Mel, since Bonnie Langford was Rumpleteazer, one of the original "Cats" in the London production. Or is she selective about which cats she likes?

I didn't know she was a cat!

She's ISN'T a cat!

Just LOOK at her!

She was FAKING it, the blasphemer!

Dammit, why wasn't she a cat on Who!

Not that I WANT any oochies to be harmed by association with THAT era, of course, it was bad enough when it was just cat badges...

...Am confused.

Very confused.

It's true. Google "Bonnie Langford Cats" and see pictures!

I'm suddenly aware of the bullet we dodged. There must be universes out there where Mel was the Survival companion.

How the hell can anyone be so enthusiastic about a swimming-pool? ANYONE? EVER?

Especially in the circumstances...

DWM: 'We were working in a swimming pool in February and there were four of us in the pool to operate the robot. The heating had been off since the summer and it was absolutely freezing. We were all shivering, even though we were wearing wetsuits with a hood and gloves. The stunt girl refused to go in and Bonnie Langford said, "I'll do it." She was only wearing a tiny swimming costume. She had to lie back and say "The water's lovely" and then we attacked her with the crab.'

Say what you like about Mel, but that woman's a trooper.

She's back and it's about time!

https://www.radiotimes.com/tv/sci-fi/doctor-who-bonnie-langord-return-newsupdate/

RTG's just taking the •••• now, isn't He. 'What an honour, delight and hoot to welcome back the character of Melanie, after too long away' - SHE WAS IN THE LAST EPISODE!!

Speaking of which, Nick Walters told us MONTHS ago that Mel would be back and WHAT a profound sigh of relief I emitted when it turned out to be for approximately two seconds, reports of her return having been greatly exaggerated, I thought joyously to myself...

Ah well, at least the writer of Heritage will be pissed off.

Good news? Bad news? Meh!?

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ITwY42McSWk

I thought it was a given.

But for all we know, they're all coming back for the 60th.

I still want Luvic to be in peri and Nyssas return episode

Bc I think I have a crush

Bonnie Langford- My Life in a Mixtape:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001snms

Part of Radio 2’s Doctor Who 60th anniversary celebrations as Bonnie Langford presents her favourite tracks.

The Giggle:

'Oh NO WAY' - right there with you Doc - 'Oh, that is the best news!' - me and the Doc abruptly part company.

Why would Mel think SHE'S the Doctor's first redhead?

Awww, just look at Mel using her computer skills at last! You can just tell RTG's one of those Fans who's been complaining for literally millennia about how JNT put more thought into her backstory that was never used on-screen than he did into anything that DID make it on-screen...

Funny the Toymaker calls her an orphan, given that most people her age would be. Of course, after meeting the Bush family in the audios n'novels it feels a bit more painful to think of 'em dying never knowing what happened to the daughter who SEEMED so close to them...(Continuity Errors: 'Consider, for a moment, the plight of the grieving parent whose daughter is not dead, nor in any conventional sense missing, but is a Warrior Queen on Thoros Beta. Can you imagine explaining that while the police are digging up your garden?')

'Kate offered me a job' - I can't believe Mel doesn't bother telling the Doc how she MET said Kate at the Companions Anonymous meeting and there was this REALLY OLD guy called Ian...

'You're going to be someone else. It doesn't matter who, because every single one of you is fantastic' - as Kate (Nitcentral's Kate not UNIT's) may possibly have pointed out, this is...a slight exaggeration.

Blimey, what's she done that has THE DOCTOR describing her as mad?

Awww, just look at Mel using her computer skills at last!

Yea, Melanie was a computer programmer, if memory serves.

Mind you, computer technology has progressed a LOT in the nearly forty years that Mel was away from Earth (she left in 1986, after all). She probably had to take courses to learn how modern computer tech (the Internet, for example) works, before Kate hired her.

Programming today's computers is probably child's play to her after living in the future.

Depends on where her travels took her.