Moderator's Note: This is Mike's original Benton summary:

There was something about Sgt. Benton that I found appealing. Maybe it was that, in the midst of all the weirdness, you could always count on the Sarge to do his job (except for the silly ••••-up in "The Three Doctors").
I didn't like that the writers turned Benton into a used-car salesman in "Mawdryn Undead." I preferred the bit in the novelization of "The Tenth Planet," referrring to Lt. Benton being the first one into the abandoned Cybercraft.



How do we know he didn't take some time off to try the caryard - maybe he had a personal tragedy - didn't like it, then re-enlisted?

True, though there's no indication in the scripts. I just thought he could have found a better job. Maybe this was a quiet comment about the economy, that poor Sgt. Benton couldn't find a better job.

I always wondered if Ian and Barbara were able to get their jobs back.

Was there any more hints in the video spin-off Wartime which featured Benton? I haven't seen it.

HEALTH WARNING - DO NOT WATCH 'WARTIME' UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. It is, quite literally, the worst thing I have ever seen in my life.

I'm very fond of the gormless Benton, although I've never got over the disappointment, on watching Planet of the Spiders after years of reading the book, that when the Doctor said 'the brontasaurous is large, placid, and stupid' he was not, after all, staring at the sergeant.

Gary Russell's 'Business Unusual' says that Benton left, and then rejoined the army (not that I've read it).

Poor Benton did get stuck with a few dumb ox bits. Remember when he was guarding the blob in "The Three Doctors" and managed to gum up the works? It almost looked like the Doctor meant for him to do that.

What does "gormless" mean? Sounds painful.

You mean you are deprived of the word 'gormless' in America? That's terrible! You must try to introduce it. Gormless means thick, clueless, half-witted - in other words, Benton. (Only joking!)

I wondered about that blob business too. The first time I saw it, I just assumed that the Doctor had made a silly mistake. Now that I'm a New Adventures reader, I'm totally paranoid and believe that any Doctor's supposed 'mistake' is part of some secret masterplan. But I hope you're not implying that the Doc was hoping Benton would get swallowed up?

The NAs did that to me, too. I'm almost afraid to go back and watch the old shows, for fear I'll start suspecting the earlier Doctors' motives.

Nope, no gormless here. Nor "gurning", which I kept running across in "The Discontinuity Guide." I assumed it meant something like mugging or grimacing.

What exactly is "gurning" anyway? I've wondered that. Someone needs to write an American translation for some Who books.

And, come on, Emily, is "Wartime" really worse than "Downtime"? Chillies today, lukewarm script.

Now, Emily, I agree that Wartime wasn`t the best video I`ve seen, but I thought that it was made a lot better just with Benton being in it - he`s one of the best companions ever.

The fact that Benton was in Wartime did not in any way improve the video. I say this with no disrespect to Benton - if God Himself (i.e. Tom Baker) had appeared in this thing it would not have ameliorated it one iota. Benton was merely dragged into the cesspit - for years after watching it I couldn't catch sight of him without looking round for the ghost of his father doing magic tricks.

Downtime...is that the one with the yetis? I agree, lukewarm script, which makes it approximately fifty million times better than Wartime.

To 'gurn' is to pull a face. We don't really have the word down her in Australia much either but exposure to McCoy in Season 24 set me right on that one.

*Looks defensive* And what about Pertwee at the end of Spearhead From Space?

For those Americans that still don't know what 'gurning' is, I will tell you how to find out.

Watch a Keystone Light commercial, the bit where the young man drinks a non Keystone Light beer, he morphs into this teethless old man making weird faces, whereupon everyones yells "Ugh! Bitter Beer Face!!!" When he returns to normal, he is surrounded by luscious women who are mightily impressed by his 'gurning'.

I don't quite understand this concept. I am sure that there are many confused young men who are now convinced that they can attract the ladies by pulling such a face after drinking a 'bitter beer'.

For an explanation for you Brits, Bitter Beer to most Americans is not the CAMRA living ale handled by expert Publicans that are on draught (or draft) in any English pub. Bitter Beer in this case is any beer that doesn't qualify for the 'Making Love in a Canoe' standard associated with most mass produced American beers like Keystone, Coors, Michelob, Busch, Miller, or Budweiser.

When I lived in the UK there were competitions for the best 'gurning'. The winners were usually paraded on regional shows or Nationwide. They were also usually men at least fifty who have to take their dentures out to maximise the effect.

Oddly, it made for compelling television. Almost as compelling as 'One Man and his Dog' about sheepdog trials where farmers round up sheep with their sheepdogs in competition. I could watch that for hours. Those dogs were amazing! But I digress...

Personally I would take Sergeant Benton over say
Commander Riker any ol'day.Benton had something
Riker lacked...an interesting personality!

I dunno about interesting, but he was quite...well...sweet, I suppose.

I think what made Sgt. Benton somewhat charming was his utter normalness. While the Doctor and Co. are swanning about reversing polarities and so on, it was up to Benton to take care of the cleaning up. We might not ever become the Doctor, but most of us could imagine becoming Benton.

And I never believed he became a used car salesman.

Ah, but people always end up in jobs they hate, for differing reasons. Maybe he got married, his wife didn't want him putting his life at risk anymore but he still had to make ends meet etc etc

What a depressing outlook on life, Chris. I don't think everybody ends up in jobs they hate. A large number, perhaps, but not everybody.

I never said everybody - I said people, meaning "some".

Yeah, but you said 'people ALWAYS' which definitely gave the impression of everyone...

We might not ever become the Doctor, but most of us could imagine becoming Benton.

Yeah - especially in Dinosaur Invasion, where even the Brig seemed to doubt the Doctor, whereas Benton never faltered - just told the Doc to knock him out. Such loyalty is surprisingly rare for a Companion.

Though I could never understand why he didn't seem to yearn for a trip in the TARDIS. I mean, I could just about understand it if you were a pathological coward or just a normal human who was - very sensibly - terrified of getting attacked by monsters, but getting attacked by monsters was Benton's day job! How COULD he have spent YEARS in the presence of an ALIEN FROM OUTER SPACE (or Inner Time) and NOT hitched a ride in his time-and-space-machine? Or even peeked inside it, given his reaction in The Three Doctors. (Maybe it was Three Docs that put him off - going to another universe and spending your time running round quarries pursued by blobs wouldn't really highlight the joys of intergalactic travel, I suppose.)

Well, take a look at the companions that did ride in the TARDIS, and see how their lives turned out.

Susan--abandoned on Earth
Ian and Barbara--happily ever after
Vicki-stuck in ancient Greece
Katrina--dead
Steven--hanging out with a bunch of savages
Dodo--dead (maybe)
Polly--series of dead end jobs
Ben--back to the Merchant Marines
Jamie--memory wiped
Victoria--stuck in the 20th century, family dead
Zoe--memory wiped, dead end job on a satellite
Liz--died of a horrible plague
Jo--divorced
Brig--too much to mention
Yates--dishonarbly discharged
Sarah Jane--divorced, possibly dead
Harry--became a werewolf
Leela--married to Andred
K9--damaged beyond repair (twice!)
Romana--missing and presumed erased from Time
Adric--dead
Nyssa--miserable
Tegan--nervous breakdown
Turlough--okay back on home planet
Peri--ghod knows, but it ain't good
Mel--dead or lost in time
Ace--dead, then replaced by a double from another dimension
Benny--married to a loser
Roz--dead
Chris--evil agent of the Time Lords
Sam--could be dead
Fitz--replaced by a TARDIS created double
Compassion--rammed by a TARDIS
Anji--dating a twit
Trix--dating Fitz

Susan--abandoned on Earth

But after many years of inevitable marital unhappiness involving unspeakable schoolgirl-uniform-related sexual degredations, at least she grabbed herself a TARDIS - albeit the Master's.

Vicki-stuck in ancient Greece

Yeah, but she CHOSE that. And ancient Greece might not be a worse place than any other area of history to be stuck in (providing you weren't in the wrong place at the wrong time, obviously. Like...er...Troy).

Polly--series of dead end jobs

Join the club, Polly!

Though obviously that WOULD hurt more once you'd explored all time and space...god, SPOILERS FOR NEW SERIES look at Rose's heartbreak in Parting of the Ways when she faced a future of chips, Mickey and work. It was, well, heartbreaking. No wonder she thought diving back into an army of half a million Daleks infinitely preferable.

Victoria--stuck in the 20th century

Yeah, but, again - there ARE worst places to be stuck. Speaking from personal experience of such a century.

Sarah Jane--divorced, possibly dead

Hey - when was she married, let alone divorced? Are you thinking of that Morley bloke?

Harry--became a werewolf

But even in Wolfsbane that was only one possible future...I think Mawdryn Undead, not to mention Harry Sullivan's War, pretty much overruled it (not that I've got the foggiest what goes on in HSW but I bet it doesn't involve fur and silver bullets).

Leela--married to Andred

If it's any consolation, the Gallifrey audios suggest he's missing-presumed-dead.

K9--damaged beyond repair (twice!)

A helluvalot more than twice. But still the numerous precious K9s trundle on. Into the NEW SERIES OF THE NEW SERIES!!!!!!!!!!!! so they needn't expect any sympathy from ME.

Romana--missing and presumed erased from Time

Though the Gallifrey Chronicles implies that she'll be resurrected along with the rest of the Time Lords. Just in time to die in the Time War, presumably, that is if she isn't lynched by her own people first for dismally failing at this whole War Queen business.

Nyssa--miserable
Tegan--nervous breakdown

I thought it was Nyssa who had the nervous breakdown (Asylum) and Tegan we knew sod-all about.

Mel--dead or lost in time

Dead! I vote dead!

Benny--married to a loser

Now now, Jason Kane is a very successful pornographer. And anyway, they're divorced (admittedly I'm a bit behind with the Benny audios, not to mention short story collections, so I suppose she could have married him AGAIN).

Compassion--rammed by a TARDIS

It takes more than that to harm Compassion! See the Faction Paradox books and audios for many Exciting Adventures With Compassion.

Anji--dating a twit

ENGAGED to a twit, which is FAR more worrying. Not to mention lumbered with a brat with a penchant for torture, and - worst of all - a DAWG.

Trix--dating Fitz

Now that's very unfair! I'm sure they'll live happily ever after. Providing she can keep away from the police...

Come to think of it, I don't know why you're complaining about those used cars. Benton got let off lightly...

Ummm

Who ARE all these people???

I'm lost after Ace...

(But I don't really expect anyone to go into any great detail...)

You can read their profiles under their other entries. The ones after Ace are companions from the Virgin and BBC novels.

I stick by my comments about Susan; just because she escaped (maybe; I think of that particular novel as apochraphal) doesn't erase who knows how many years of unhappiness.

Ditto for Vicki; I can't imagine a girl from the future would find life in ancient Greece all that wonderful. One trip to an ancient loo would fix that....

Victoria's particular experiences in the 20th century don't sound all that great, if we are to believe "Downtime."

Nyssa didn't exactly have a nervous breakdown, more of an early mid-life crisis.

The story of Tegan's nervous breakdown is from a "Short Trips" story, so I don't know how reliable it is. In it, Tegan convinces herself that the Doctor was a hallucination.

Yes, I know Benny got a divorce, but she doesn't exactly lose contact with Mr. Kane after that.

I left out Charlie due to my lack of hearing her audios, but it sounds like things don't go well for her. Ditto for Ms. Smythe, who has to endure living incognito 5 years before she meets the Doctor (and then having to travel with Mel!).

I stick by my comments about Susan; just because she escaped...doesn't erase who knows how many years of unhappiness.

Yeah...s'pose...normally I'd claim that an unhappy marriage can happen to anyone and totally isn't the Doctor's fault, but in this case it so clearly IS...

I can't imagine a girl from the future would find life in ancient Greece all that wonderful. One trip to an ancient loo would fix that....

The novelisation claims she was happy. Normally I wouldn't give a novelisation the time of day, but Vicki is one of the very few Companions no PROPER book has bothered to tell us about.

Victoria's particular experiences in the 20th century don't sound all that great, if we are to believe "Downtime."

Ugg, I'd forgotten about Downtime. But hey - she got to run a university! OK, so it was trying to destroy the human race or something, but it's quite an achievement.

Nyssa didn't exactly have a nervous breakdown, more of an early mid-life crisis

Oh, I'd say it definitely involved nervous breakdowniness, even BEFORE she met the Fourth Doctor...

Yes, I know Benny got a divorce, but she doesn't exactly lose contact with Mr. Kane after that.

Hah! Having the man she loves (and who loves her, enough to put up with her domestically abusing him anyway) around the place is the LEAST of Benny's worries. YOU try having your rape-begotten half-human son delivered by caesarian section in prison by an totally medically-unqualified Fascist dictator while religious maniacs riot around you...THAT'S what I'd call a problem.

Charley and Evelyn (and C'rizz, Erimem, and Hex) don't count, as their adventures with the Doctor are still on-going (OK, Instruments of Darkness gave us that unpleasant glimpse into Evelyn's future, but it's not the final end, as she then resumes TARDISing).

Anyway, if they all have miserable lives after leaving the Doctor, they have only themselves to blame. They LEFT, didn't they?

I suppose the real comparison would be with their lives before they met the Doctor.

Susan--orphaned on Gallifrey
Barbara and Ian--moderately successful teaching careers
Vicki--parents dead, abandoned on alien planet
Katarina--on her way to being killed by Greeks
Steven--stuck on Mechanis
Sarah Kingdom--succesful brown shirt style policewoman
Dodo--living with miserable aunt (see PDA "Salvation")
Polly--successful administrative assistant
Ben--dead end job in merchant marines
Jamie--on the losing side of a war with Britain
Victoria--mother dead, father doomed
Zoe--happy at her job
Liz Shaw--very successful scientist
Jo--dependent on relatives for jobs
Brig, Yates, Benton--all regular army
Sarah Jane--successful journalist
Harry--solid medical career with the RN
Leela--only woman in a tribe of savage men. Of course, if the Doctor had never come to her planet, there might not have been a Xoanon
Romana--tops in her class at the Academy
K9--abandoned by his master on a medical asteroid
Adric--orphaned
Nyssa--father married to a crazy lady
Tegan--promising career as an air hostess
Turlough--stuck on Earth
Peri--spoiled upper middle class girl
Mel--good career as a computer programmer
Ace--stuck on ice world
Benny--stuck on Heaven
Roz and Chris--members of a corrupt police force
Sam--about to be killed by a drug dealer
Fitz--working at a plant store
Compassion--member of Faction Paradox
Anji--engaged to a nerd
Trix--on the run from murder charges

Susan--orphaned on Gallifrey

To be fair, I don't think we KNOW she's an orphan...maybe the Doctor kidnapped her from her parents...

Jamie--on the losing side of a war with Britain

I don't expect an American to appreciate the subtle distinction, but I think you mean England.

Jo--dependent on relatives for jobs

Well, only if she wants a job in an elite alien-fighting force. Probably.

Benny--stuck on Heaven

I don't think she was stuck...she was just doing an archeological dig there. Of course, if the Doc hadn't turned up, her chances of getting off the planet alive and unHoothied would have been slim.

Compassion--member of Faction Paradox

Actually she didn't even make it into the Faction - she was just part of their foot-soldiery Remote suckers.

What's really shocking is how many Companions end up doing more-or-less the same as they did before the Doc blessed their miserable existences with his presence.

No, actually what's really REALLY shocking is not to much the unchanged jobs as the unchanged characters of the Compansions. Minor SPOILERS for Parting of the Ways (though frankly you could work out the spoilery bit just from the title):

ROSE: But what do I do every day, mum? What do I do? Get up, catch the bus, go to work, come back home, eat chips, and go to bed. Is that it?
MICKEY: It's what the rest of us do.
ROSE: I can't.
MICKEY: Why? Because you're better than us?
ROSE: No. I didn't mean that. *Pause* It was. It was a better life. I don't mean all the travelling, and seeing aliens and spaceships and fings, that don't matter. The Doctor showed me a better way of living your life. You know, he showed you too. That you don't just give up, you don't just let fings happen, you make a stand, you say no, you have the guts to do what's right when everyone else just runs away...

Yet how many previous Companions were actually CHANGED by the supreme honour of being chased by monsters in the company of this shining paragon? There's Romana, of course, going from the cool superior screamer to the warm bubbly screamer, but she changed her entire physical appearance as well, so any personality development was, well, cheating. Ditto for Compassion, what with metamorphasising into a TARDIS. Zoe replaced her belief in logic with a belief in screaming her lungs out, but the Time Lords rendered such, er, improvements somewhat academic. Fitz spent 2,000 years dramatically transforming into Father Kreiner, but this is completely offset by Fitz Mark II remaining utterly faithful to the original Fitz. We all THOUGHT Ace turned from teenage hooligan to embittered space marine, but how wrong we were! (Thank you SO much, Loving the Alien, for explaining all about Ace's death and replacement.) Peri changed pretty drastically if you can believe Warmonger, but the problem is...who can? Chris turned into a genocidal maniac - albeit a sweet, naive, very Chris-like genocidal maniac - but the Time Lords quite obviously operated on his mind and body to get him that way, so it doesn't count.

Dodo's one of the few convincing ones - not so much the getting-a-sexually-transmitted-disease-involving-brain-eating-maggots-then-being-shot-dead, but the mental breakdown. Amazing it didn't happen to all of them, cos if one thing's more stressful than living with the Doctor, it's NOT living with the Doctor.

According to "Lungbarrow", Susan was living on the streets when the 1st Doctor retrieved her.

I do have a hard time keeping Britain/UK/England/etc. straight, but I'm sure I can count on your gentle teaching methods to straighten me out.

As far as Benny goes, I should have mentioned the whole missing father backstory. Without the Doctor, Benny might not have found her dad.

It's actually not fair to compare what a lot of the companions where doing before they met the Doctor, since later stories reveal that the Doctor (and, by extension, friends and enemies of the Doctor) have been meddling in their lives. Ace and Sam are probably the most extreme examples.

As far as reconciling "Loving the Alien" with the NAs, I've chosen to believe that LtA immediately precedes "Timewyrm: Apocalypse", although I am considering the possibility that all the NAs took place in IM Foreman's bottle universe (LM's theory, I believe.)

Re:Jamie's backstory
Jamie was on the losing side of a dynastic "dispute" over who ruled Scotland...
The side Jamie was on, supported a descendant of the House of Stuart, called Charles, A/K/A "The Young Pretender". Charles claimed descent from James the VI of Scotland, who became James the Ist of England after Elizabeth's death.
However, his grandson, Charles II died childless, & William of Orange became the ruler of England & most of Scotland.
His daughter, Anne became Queen, but outlived her children before her death, leaving another vacancy for the Throne...
England supported George of Hanover, who after Queen Anne's death, ascended the English Throne as he was a relative of William...
Both sides claimed that their claimant was the "True Monarch", & the other a usurper...

Yeah, and...?

The point I was making that Jamie's was not exactly destined for a long life on Earth.

Re:Jamie's Fate
Agreed, Mike, but the proposed but abandoned 3rd Yeti/Great Intellgence story, did feature a older Jamie, either as the Laird of Clan McCrimmon or becoming the Laird at the end of said story, depending on which version of the ending you hear about...
(Said story was proposed for the 3rd Doctor, but was abandoned, reportedly, in retaliation for the writers insistance over copyright & payment issues from a previous story...).

I remember reading about a planned season 6 story about the McCrimmon Laird becoming possessed by the Great Intellgence. After the big fall out over rewriting The Dominators the writers pulled the plug on this story.

According to "Lungbarrow", Susan was living on the streets when the 1st Doctor retrieved her.

I THOUGHT Lungbarrow had the meeting with Susan...I just couldn't remember a thing about it.

I do have a hard time keeping Britain/UK/England/etc. straight, but I'm sure I can count on your gentle teaching methods to straighten me out.

I wouldn't count on me too much - I THINK Great Britain is England, Scotland and Wales whereas the United Kingdom is England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, but I wouldn't bet on it.

Without the Doctor, Benny might not have found her dad.

Yeah, but - after all that build-up - meeting her dad wasn't such a big deal. They hardly had anything to do with each other subsequent to the meeting, what with living in totally different time zones. And alright, so she got to learn that daddy DIDN'T run away from the Daleks, but given that daddy DID attempt to start a nuclear war in 1980s England, he's not what one might regard as the ideal parent.

It's actually not fair to compare what a lot of the companions where doing before they met the Doctor, since later stories reveal that the Doctor (and, by extension, friends and enemies of the Doctor) have been meddling in their lives. Ace and Sam are probably the most extreme examples.

That's true, though when you think about it EVERY Companion surely only exists because the Doctor saved their planet/universe. We'd never have crawled out of the primordial slime if the Doc hadn't been around to stop Scaroth (look, I'm sure he'd've got himself a time machine EVENTUALLY without Romana handing him one on a plate).

As far as reconciling "Loving the Alien" with the NAs, I've chosen to believe that LtA immediately precedes "Timewyrm: Apocalypse", although I am considering the possibility that all the NAs took place in IM Foreman's bottle universe (LM's theory, I believe.)

Any particular reason for choosing Apocalypse?

Personally, I've chosen to believe that, whilst most authors, script-writers, etc, have obtained their inspiration from subconsiously accessing the Matrix - and that therefore most of the Doctor's adventures are God's Honest Truth - there are some nutters who merely delude themselves, and their editors, into thinking they are party to such divine revelations. The godawful and grossly inaccurate nonsense they produce occasionally contaminates the true gospel. Obviously Loving the Alien falls into this category, as does Master, Rags, The Ghosts of N-Space, Warmonger, King of Terror, etc etc.

Jamie was on the losing side of a dynastic "dispute" over who ruled Scotland...

I don't think it was just over Scotland - didn't the Young Pretender fancy England as well?

William of Orange became the ruler of England & most of Scotland. His daughter, Anne became Queen

Actually Anne was William's sister-in-law...

Both sides claimed that their claimant was the "True Monarch", & the other a usurper...

Though if you go by male primogeniture (which I obviously don't, but which the British monarchy did and STILL DOES) then the Young Pretender undoubtedly had the best claim. He was descended in the direct, legitimate male line from James II's son, NOT from James's daughters (Mary II and Anne I) or James's sister's son (William III), let alone being 52nd in line to the throne like George I.

The point I was making that Jamie's was not exactly destined for a long life on Earth.

Yeah. Especially when the Time Lords return him to Earth right in the path of a well-armed Redcoat...

After the big fall out over rewriting The Dominators the writers pulled the plug on this story.

The Dominators was rewritten? You mean it used to be WORSE?

Er, I meant "Timewyrm: Genesis." There's a big scene in the very beginning with Ace and the Doctor losing then regaining their memories. Could have been as a result of the Doctor (or the TARDIS) trying to block out memories of what happened in LtA. If only it could work on us readers....

It's possible all those abberations in the Doctor Who novels (I'm looking at you, Mick Lewis!) are adventures from parallel universes. Ghod help us if we lived in the "Rags" universe.

I can't remember the exact details but The Dominators was orginally a 6 parter which was reworked quite a bit without the writers permission & they refused not only to put their name on it, but also not to write for Dr Who again & not allow their creations to be used by other authors.

Er, I meant "Timewyrm: Genesis."

Er, you meant "Timewyrm: Genesys".

God, I love nitpicking...

It's possible all those abberations in the Doctor Who novels (I'm looking at you, Mick Lewis!) are adventures from parallel universes.

Yeah, I could live with that.

The Dominators was orginally a 6 parter

No! Nooooooo! MERCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they refused not only to put their name on it, but also not to write for Dr Who again & not allow their creations to be used by other authors.

For some reason...can't think why...this is reminding me of Spitting Image (now-deceased satirical political programme involving puppets) quoting Andrew Lloyd Webber swearing to leave the country if Labour won the election, and following it with the solemn declaration 'And that was a party political broadcast by the Labour Party...'

Getting quite off topic here but a few people claimed that they would leave the country if Labour were back in power, but still haven't.

So I'm assuming it's John Benton, RIP. Can't think what else would have kept him away from the Doctor's funeral.

Unless there was a REALLY GREAT used-car-sales opportunity...

Is Benton a real life surname or is it restricted to Doctor Who?

A quick search of the London phone book suggests there ARE other Bentons...just very few of them. This surname was, therefore, a stroke of remarkable originality from a programme that couldn't even be bothered to give him a first name. AND that decided if Polly had a surname OF COURSE it had to be the same as Barbara's, to prevent 'em going to all the hassle of thinking of a new one...(Completely Useless Encyclopedia: 'Those years of tedious research into Doctor Who's origin's were made worthwhile by the discovery that this popular sixties dolly-bird's surname was in fact Wright...')

It occurs to me that Benton can't POSSIBLY have been so incurious about the TARDIS he didn't take so much as a peek for YEARS. OF COURSE he took a secret tour and THAT'S why he was so infinitely cooler than EVERYONE ELSE EVER when he saw the insides in Three Doctors for what was SUPPOSED to be the first time.

This still doesn't explain why the Doctor thought Benton was such a brain-dead loser he'd never do such a thing, of course...

Benton interview in DWM:

'I found out after the show that some of the dressers had tried to rig the safety pin to make my nappy fall off' - re Time Monster (obviously). Some people are REALLY REALLY EVIL.

'Nick had gone, Pertwee had gone, Katy had gone, Roger was dead, and there I was, lonely Sergenat Benton. I found that a very hard story - sad, lonely and difficult' - re Android Invasion (obviously). Ouch.

'[My wife] is the most wonderful companion I've ever had. Apart from the Doctor Who team, but I couldn't marry them. There were too many, and they were all male!' - sorry, Liz Shaw, Jo Grant, Sarah Jane Smith and Corporal Bell were all MALE since WHEN?!

Re the Five Doctors: 'There were four lines for Benton, out of vision, which went something like, "'Ere, you can't go in there, you haven't got permission, come back or I'll arrest you!"...[to] the Second Doctor...I refused to do it...it was to do with not letting the years of solid hard work I'd put into Benton be thrown away' - yes, all very laudable, if only you hadn't put a NUCLEAR BOMB under all those years of solid hard work by appearing in WARTIME of all godawful piles of ••••...

Invasion of the Dinosaurs:

God, Benton's wonderful. Unlike even the Brigadier, he INSTANTLY KNOWS the Doctor's innocent and is quite happy to get beaten up and court-martialled to prove it.

Plus, overpowering a distracted Mike Yates was pretty good, but beating the •••• out of General Finch who was pointing a gun directly at him at the time - while politely apologising - is BRILLIANT.

Of course, if Benton mistrusts the Brig (and he does, and HOW DARE HE), it's pretty stupid of him to immediately inform said Brig where he thinks the fugitive-Dcotor is heading. But he wouldn't be Benton if he wasn't adorably gormless.

The Invasion:

'Down here, sir' - Benton waits for reinforcements before going down the sewers after Jamie, the policeman, and two INNOCENT LITTLE DAMSELS IN DISTRESS? Even though the Brig had TOLD him to get his hands on 'em, pronto? What's the MATTER with him!

Robot:

'It wasn't your fault I suppose. You did your best...just you go and blanco your rifle or something.' 'Thanks very much. The US cavalry never got treated like this' - ah, how he must miss Jo, who no doubt constantly threw her arms around him with squeals of 'My dolly soldier!' (OK, I so can't actually remember any specific occasion when anything remotely like this actually HAPPENED, but it just FEELS as if it did ALL THE TIME in the TRUE UNIT era.)

'I'll go and wake the Doctor and see what he says' – a NEWLY-REGENERATED Doctor has just been violently knocked unconscious. You leave him alone, you git.

'Sorry, it's probably a daft idea anyway' - poor Benton, always expecting to get slapped down. And when he gets it world-savingly right and has an enormous grin on his face, the Brig wipes it off with one withering LOOK.

I tried writing a fic of Benton being turned into a baby girl in The Time Monster and some **** accused me of having a nappy fetish.

For heaven's sake! It's not like YOU were the one who thought up the idea of Benton in a nappy...

Apparently Benton kept his grown up mind which is why he refused the mashed sandwiches in cold tea... imagine his reaction to finding out he was now a baby girl?

Luckily, by the time s/he grows up, UNIT will be an Equal Opportunities Employer. Though I wouldn't blame baby-Benton if s/he didn't spot THAT coming in the 70s (or was it the 80s).

This surname was, therefore, a stroke of remarkable originality from a programme that couldn't even be bothered to give him a first name.

According to Wartime, his first name is John.

I know that.

I also know that Wartime is a festering pile of •••• in which 'John' is haunted by his daddy's ghost in what is LITERALLY the weakest excuse for a 'plot' in Who-related history so I'm feeling VERY FREE INDEED to ignore it.

Apparently the name "John" was always meant to be Benton's first name.

HOW many stories was poor Benton in? And NEVER ONCE did the Who Production Team take the opportunity to give us the benefit of his (admittedly seriously unexciting) NAME...

So, Polly doesn't get a surname, Benton doesn't get a first name, we STILL don't know Captain Jack OR the Doctor's real names...anyone else?

I suppose we don't know if Mickey's real name is Michael, or Harry's is Henry or (according to some stupid novel or other) HAROLD...

we STILL don't know Captain Jack

Isn't his name Jack Harkness? Or did I miss a memo?

Jack Harkness was the name of the poor bloke in WWII, whom our "Captain Jack" assumed his identity.

STOLE his identity. After (well, technially speaking before) snogging him to death.

Planet of the Spiders:

'My lovely Sergeant Benton' - dammit Jo, why didn't you try dating HIM instead of Mike! You could have been married and committed to UNIT together forever instead of messing around with used cars and seven kids.

'I'm expendable and you're not' - dammit, why don't ALL Companions have this sensible attitude! (Nyssa and Tegan in Mawdryn Undead, for instance.)

Benton: him and a woman would be like Forrest Gump and Jenny: "I'm not a smart man but i know what love is".

Well, according to the UNIT: Assembled audios, Benton did actually manage to acquire one of these 'wife' things. She's called Margery and they run pubs and go on cruises.

Sadly Big Finish couldn't actually afford to voice Margery, so there's an outside chance she's just a product of Benton's deranged imagination.

John Levene in DWM: 'Jon was like a father to me. I come from a generation...when you never told another man you loved him...You could have all this love in your heart, but never say it out loud. One of the things I am most grateful about is that ten days before he died I was with Jon. I got to tell him he had been more of a father to me than my own dad had been' - waaagghh!

'He worked so hard, despite suffering from so much pain. We all knew how bad his back was, how much it took out of him to do some of the running around. He was in agony...he battled through it. He had iron in his soul' - more waaaaghhh-ing.

'I did not have much love as a child, but the show has helped to put a lot of love back into my life across the years. In many ways Doctor Who has made my life, so how could I not love it back?' - adorable but he's talking about his reasons for DOING WARTIME which kinda knocks the adorableness out of it.

Ah, and he stole food from the cruise ship he was working on to smuggle to the starving Indian Kuna people! My hero!

Benton is one of the last surviving members of the original UNIT family.

He should be on the New Series as a guest star.

THAT would merely be rubbing salt into our gaping wounds that THE BRIG never appeared in New Who.

I mean, Cyber-Brig REALLY doesn't count.

Benton would have made a great weekend host on BBC Radio 2.

John Levene (Benton), Richard Franklin (Yates), and Katy Manning (Jo) are all that's left.

Benton's creator is now gone.

But we still have Benton.

John Benton is one of the few characters to be promoted, he was a Corporal (OR-4) in Invasion, is a Sergeant (OR-6) from Spearhead from Space to Time Monster, a Staff Sergeant (OR-7) from Three Doctors to Planet of Spiders, a Company Sergeant Major (CSM) (OR-8) in Robot and finally Regimental Sergeant Major (RSM) (OR-9) in Terror of the Zygons / Android Invasion.

John Levene in DWM: 'I was born breach - feet first - so I drowned in my mother's water, and the umbilical cord choked me to death, and I was dead for a minute and 48 seconds...I lost my lung to TB, I had peritonitis when I was in Hollywood, with one hour to live...my dad was a war hero, and he hated me...' (Blimey, Wartime must have been almost as traumatic for HIM as it was for me, doesn't it entail the ghost of Benton's war-hero father who hates him?)

'Of all the extended Doctor Who family, he is the one who gives the strongest impression of simply not being able to believe his luck' - THAT'S MY GUY! - 'He loves Doctor Who so much, it has even brought about a religious conversion' - IT - HAS - WHAAAAAAAAAAT!

'There's got to be a God, otherwise Doctor Who would not have flourished. It's all down to good versus evil, God versus the Devil' - oh, and was God just TAKING A LOVELY SNOOZE during The Sixteen Long And Barren Years Of Despair? When Power of the Daleks and Marco Polo were fed to the flames? When Elisabeth Sladen dropped dead in the middle of the SJA?

was God just TAKING A LOVELY SNOOZE during The Sixteen Long And Barren Years Of Despair?

I'm reminded of an old saying about how a minute to God is a thousand years to humans. ;-) So he was distracted for a second. ;-)

Must be why he let Lucifer create the 2005 series ;)

"Sergeant Benton is rather a mixture. He is a big, strong, good-looking young man. He is a highly-trained soldier, and ruthless in battle. At the same time he is really very simple and friendly. He loves small children and stray dogs. He is devoted to Jo.and always wants to protect her. He just cannot understand the Doctor, and believes that he must be some kind of a magician."

A Benton prequel... From his birth in a cinema during a John Wayne film and being disqualified from a baby show for breaking the pram to starting school at the age of 10.

????????

To be honest, I've seen about as much of Baby Benton as I WANT to see, in Time Monster.

Benton probably needs a call-girl if he wants to experience the pleasures of the flesh. He doesn't have Hi-Fi like Steven. (although, tbf, Steven also has Dodo if Hi-Fi is having his stuffing put back in)

Benton probably needs a call-girl if he wants to experience the pleasures of the flesh.

Well, SOMEONE obviously hasn't listened to the UNIT: Assembled audios, in which Benton happens to be married to someone called Margery. (Also is running the UK's defence against the Siurian take-over but obviously Margery is the bit I boggle at.)

What's a "Siurian"?

Well, it's OBVIOUSLY an ENTIRELY DELIBERATE cross between 'Silurian' and 'Saurian' ('Marine Saurian' being the politically-correct way to refer to a Sea Devil, according to the Face-Eater novel if nothing else). So there.