Transcribed by Callie Sullivan.
Transcriber’s notes: This is as accurate a transcript as I can manage but at times the speaker was talking so quickly – or people were talking over each other – that it was difficult to hear what they were saying.
I’ve not transcribed every single ‘er’ and ‘um’, and have tried to make sensible sentences where the speaker lost his/her way a bit.
Very often when people were speaking, clips of various episodes were showing in the background at the same time. I’ve not transcribed those unless they’re relevant to what’s being said.
Please remember that some of the comments made by various people may look serious in plain print but were, in fact, meant sarcastically or humorously.

STARGATE: THE LOWDOWN

(Amanda Tapping is in a car en route to a location shot.)
AMANDA TAPPING: Hi, I’m Amanda Tapping. I play Major Samantha Carter on “Stargate SG-1”. We’re gonna take you on a little behind-the-scenes tour of our show. (To someone else in the car) It’s a special, right?
SOMEONE: Yeah, a special on SciFi.
TAPPING: A special on SciFi. As you know, “Stargate SG-1” is a show about a top-secret government facility that uses a round portal, a sort of donut-shaped thing that we jump through every week to go to the various different planets. It kinda looks like a swimming pool on its side when the Gate is active, if you can picture that. We’re about to start the seventh season, and what is so exciting about that is we are so tight.

(On location at the planet set for “Fallen”)
MICHAEL GREENBURG (Executive Producer): What’s the name of this place?
MARTIN WOOD (Producer/Director): We’re on ... an ancient planet is what it’s called.

TAPPING: This year I think we really finally got our act together.

GREENBURG: ‘Ancient planet’?
WOOD: Ancient planet.
GREENBURG: We couldn’t come up with a name?
WOOD: We haven’t even given it a number.

(At the trailers on location)
MICHAEL SHANKS: Yeah, SciFi, that’s a great channel – they’ve got all sorts of, um ...
INTERVIEWER: Well, we carry “Stargate”, so, uh ...
SHANKS: Oh, well, good!

TAPPING: What’s great about this special is we’re gonna be able to show you how we are taking the stories and the acting to just new heights.

(In the Gateroom, Richard Dean Anderson is sitting in a chair at the bottom of the ramp as his mobile phone goes off. He rocks his head in time to the tune [I don’t know its real name but it’s probably best known as the tune that’s always played at circuses] and then grins at the camera)
ANDERSON: And that’s my theme song! (Someone off camera giggles.) What?!

TAPPING: As you know, the actors on this show are incredibly serious.

(On location for “Enemy Mine”, Rick Anderson, Michael Shanks and Michael Rooker, who plays Colonel Edwards, are looking through the script and jokingly arguing about who gets what line [it’s so quick-fire that it’s difficult to transcribe])

TAPPING: We take what we do perhaps a little too seriously.

(Trailers. Michael Shanks is walking along with a mouthful of water from a bottle he’s holding)
INTERVIEWER: Tell us about your process.
(Michael gargles with the water and then spits it against the side of a trailer)

(On location for “Enemy Mine”, Christopher Judge approaches the camera and looks right into it)
JUDGE: Your transport’s waiting for you. (He waves into the camera) Bye!

(In a trailer)
TAPPING: Ooh! Can I have a boyfriend who doesn’t die?!

JUDGE: Hopefully, before this is all said and done, I will have hair!

TAPPING: One thing we’re gonna show you during this special is our top-notch crew.

(On location for “Enemy Mine”, Peter deLuise (Director/Producer) points to a piece of equipment)
DeLUISE: This is a theodolite ... or something like that.

(In the corridor of a Goa’uld vessel, the technical crew are trying to get something to work)
TECH: Think this thing’s gonna be working in my lifetime?

(Michael Greenburg sits by a large electric fan)
GREENBURG: This is my biggest and – I think - only fan.

TAPPING: We will be getting into the Michael Shanks/Corin Nemec situation – Doctor Daniel Jackson coming back, Jonas Quinn – that whole dynamic.

(At the trailers, Michael Shanks is walking along)
INTERVIEWER: We wanna welcome you back for the seventh season.
SHANKS: Hey, thank you! It’s great to be back, it really is.

CORIN NEMEC: Any rumours or anything that there may have been some kind of animosity between us is ridiculous.

(In the car)
TAPPING: Get ready to enjoy season 7. It’s gonna knock your socks off. (She opens the car door) I have to go, save the planet.

SHANKS: Well, for people who aren’t familiar with the show who need an introduction to the characters: Richard Dean Anderson – RDA – plays Jack O’Neill who’s our resident leader who’s the sort of brave stoic soul who likes to kill everybody.

(Lots of clips of Jack shooting or zatting people)

ANDERSON: We either made the mistake or we were blessed with the right decision to have O’Neill deal with his emotional disfunction – at the time when we started the shows – over the loss of his son. It freed O’Neill to grow, to put some things in perspective and evolve.

(Clip from “Redemption”)
O’NEILL: Y’know, I can be as diplomatic and open-minded as anyone.

ANDERSON: It freed me up as an actor to kind of bring some levity to the character.

(Clip from “Abyss”)
BA’AL: You do not know the pain you will suffer for this impudence.
O’NEILL: I don’t know the meaning of the word. Seriously, ‘impudence’, what does that mean?

TAPPING: Richard Dean Anderson is goofy, irreverent, witty ...

(Clip from “Deadman Switch”)
O’NEILL: We’re exactly one zat gun short of actually having a zat gun.

TAPPING: ... sarcastic, sexy, and a jackass.

(Clip from “Deadman Switch”)
Jack zats Aris Boch.

ANDERSON: My attention span is so short. I mean, it is like a child’s.

(Clip from “Menace”)
DANIEL: Her attention wanders – it’s like she has the mind of a child.
(In the background, Jack is playing with a magnifying glass.)

TAPPING: All of the actors on the show work incredibly hard – but then there’s Rick.

ANDERSON: Although he’s always willing to take a P-90 to an entire division of Gaoa’aoulds(!), he has a fair amount of, or greater compassion, for fish and dogs. Dogs forever!

(Clip from “The Curse”)
TEAL’C: There appears to be no fish here, O’Neill.
O’NEILL: T, it’s not about the actual fish themselves. Fish are not important in this context. It’s about fishing.

ANDERSON: He has never caught a fish, ever! (Shot of Rick taking his trousers down, apparently to show Amanda a bruise or something. Michael Greenburg, sitting nearby, is taking waaaaay too much interest!) I’ve had so much fun kind of dabbling in irreverence, bringing a semblance of irreverence to the character, or these little quirky aspects to the character.

(Clip from “Ascension”)
O’NEILL: You’ve been a little tense.
CARTER: Tense? Me? I’m not tense. Am I? ... When did you first notice?
O’NEILL: As ... we ... met.

SHANKS: Major Carter, who, you know, is sort of the brains of the operation. She’s like the girl next door. (Amanda shows her belly button ring to the camera) I mean, Amanda Tapping is basically the girl next door. That’s quite a neighbourhood, you know!

TAPPING: Samantha Carter was very one-dimensional.

(Clip from “Children of the Gods”)
CARTER: I’ve practically memorised your report from the first mission. I’d like to think I’ve been preparing for this all my life.

JUDGE: When I first met Amanda Tapping, I was intimidated by her physical beauty. And she’s not afraid of the obvious physical attraction that we share for each other!

(Clip from “Redemption part 2”)
McKAY: I always wanted to be a peenist. [that’s how he pronounces it, anyway!]
CARTER (looking startled): Excuse me?!
McKAY: Concert pianist. You know, a guy who plays piano for lots of people?
CARTER (trying unsuccessfully to hide a smile): Right.
McKAY: What did you think I said?
CARTER (barely suppressing a giggle): Never mind.

TAPPING: She does try to have a relationship with someone off the base but it’s nearly impossible. (Clip from “Ascension” of Sam and Orlin walking in the park) A: she’s never home (Clip from “The Other Guys” of Sam kissing Jay Felger) B: she can’t tell them what she does (Clip from “Enigma” of Sam kissing Narim) and beyond that it’s been little dalliances with men that continually end up dead (Clip from “Divide and Conquer” of Sam zatting Martouf; clip from “Between Two Fires” of Narim standing and watching SG-1 escape as his world comes under attack) so sadly she hasn’t had a great track record! It’s pathetic!

SHANKS: Christopher Judge plays Teal’c, who is the stoic alien on the show who wears the STP symbol on his forehead.

(Clip from “Redemption” – Teal’c in the commissary with Jack, with a huge plate of food)
O’NEILL: Little snack?

JUDGE: Well, as you’ve seen, I’ve grown twenty-five pounds since last season, so ... (he laughs). Teal’c has become a lot more animated, a lot funnier, and a lot more talkative. (He stops talking, grins embarrassedly at the camera for several seconds, then giggles.)

(Clip from “Ascension”. Sam opens the door of her house to find Jack and Teal’c standing outside.)
CARTER: Hey, guys! What’re you doin’ here?
O’NEILL: We brought pizza and a movie.
TEAL’C: “Star Wars”.
O’NEILL: He’s seen it, what, eight times?
TEAL’C: Nine.
O’NEILL: Nine times.

TAPPING: Christopher Judge is charming, sexy, and a jackass. (To someone off camera) I said jackass for Christopher Judge, you see?!

JUDGE: I am the complete polar opposite of Teal’c. I’m loud and obnoxious, and get under the skin of many a director.

(On location)
WOOD: And cut.
JUDGE: Goodnight, everybody!

(Clip from “Full Circle”)
TEAL’C: I too have recently seen Daniel Jackson.
CARTER: Really?!
O’NEILL: Why didn’t you say something?
TEAL’C: Why did you not?

SHANKS: I play Daniel Jackson who’s kinda the, um, the moral voice but basically he’s a whiny little bitch.

(Clip from “Meridian” as Daniel makes his way to the infirmary and nurses try to help him.)
DANIEL: Don’t touch me!

SHANKS: Daniel comes back in a heap (he laughs), in a naked heap in the first episode.

WOOD: Daniel naked is not a pretty sight, um, especially when he’s unshaved cos he’s like a werewolf. He is! He’s like one of the Baldwin brothers.

SHANKS: We established in an episode called “Ascension” in the ... (he thinks about it hard) ... fifth season of the show – phew! (He wipes imaginary sweat off his brow). In the fifth season of the show we established where characters who are these Ancients descend, as it were, back to Earth to complete tasks or to become human again if they so choose. And that’s what happens to Daniel – he’s chosen to come back.

(On location for “Fallen”)
GREENBURG: This is the place where Daniel Jackson gets, uh, comes back into the series, really, right?
WOOD: No.
GREENBURG: No.

TAPPING: Michael Shanks is intelligent, brooding ... he’s probably the biggest enigma of all of us.

SHANKS: We’re both big pains in the ass, we’re both big [podsters??], we always rock the boat and question things maybe a little bit too much sometimes.

(Clip from “Absolute Power”)
DANIEL: Why aren’t you behind me on all this? I mean, I’m finally taking your position. Let’s build weapons; let’s, let’s kick some Goa’uld ass.

(Clip from “Disclosure”)
HAMMOND: The Goa’uld are more advanced than us in every way and there can be no doubt that they have hostile intentions.

SHANKS: Don S Davis is General Hammond. He’s a father figure. He sketches naked women!

DON S DAVIS: I’ve got the best job on TV, for a lot of reasons. They pay me a lot of money and I, you know, I don’t do a lot!

(Clip from “Redemption part 2”)
HAMMOND: How long will it take to set up?
McKAY: Four hours, tops.
HAMMOND (to Sam): That’s how long you have to come up with a better idea.

DAVIS: In the real world, in television and film-making, not only do you often not love your fellow cast member, you may really hate their ass!

(Clip from “Frozen”)
FRAISER: I can’t say for sure but her white cell count is down significantly. White blood cells are a major part of our immune system, and she’s still basically human.

TERYL ROTHERY: The arc of Janet Fraiser: well, let’s just say that when Janet first came on board she didn’t have a first name. Basically, I think over the six years, we see how she’s become such an integral part of the team, and a friend of the team and you see how strongly she cares about her fellow members.

(On set in the infirmary. Teryl notices that the “Lowdown” crew are filming her and Michael Shanks)
ROTHERY: Oh! You dirty [bleep]!
SHANKS: They’ve been eavesdropping on us!

ROTHERY: I tend to be a little hyper – they sometimes call me the Ever Ready Bunny. (Outtakes from her interview where she’s shrieking with laughter) But I’m hyper, and so they like to cut me off from my caffeine (she points at someone off camera who’s obviously nodding vigorously) and you’re going ‘No [bleep], Sherlock!’ Umm, oops!

(Clip from “Descent”)
O’NEILL: What’re you smilin’ at?
JONAS: Oh, it’s just that it’s my first time – in space!
O’NEILL: Ah.

NEMEC: The last year was great. Y’know, it was really smooth sailing. The crew obviously is so well-oiled at this point – I came in at a good time. It was really a breeze, y’know, all I had to do was just memorise my lines, show up on time and enjoy the ride.

JUDGE: I love watching these actors act. I’m really awed by the work they do.

(On location for “Enemy Mine”, Rick, Michael Shanks and Michael Rooker are rehearsing their lines)
ANDERSON (as Jack): We’re getting out, Edwards. (He gives Rooker a playful shove. Michael Shanks giggles.)
ROOKER (laughing) (as Edwards): This is my command.
(One of the actors playing one of the other SG personnel walks over and shoves Rooker as well.)

ROTHERY: Nobody fights on this show. Actually, you know what, I can say, there have been moments where we kinda get on each other’s nerves once in a while and then it’s because, six years, it’s a family.

(On location for “Fallen”)
SHANKS [something indecipherable but I think he was asking what was wrong with the previous shot]
A SCRIPT CONSULTANT: He went early. We’ll fix that.
SHANKS: Damn! I’ll get him!

JUDGE: ‘Don’t you guys ever get sick of each other?’ and we say, ‘Well, between season 2 and 5, yeah, but then ...’ (He laughs)

ANDERSON: Let’s be real here – it should be fun. We’re not saving lives, we’re entertaining them.

Continued in next message ...

[I don’t know its real name but it’s probably best known as the tune that’s always played at circuses]

I suspect you are thinking of "Entry of the Gladiators"

Continued ...

(On location for “Enemy Mine”)
SHANKS (looking at the behind-the-scenes guys): The Stargate crew ... definitely a story behind this because these people make this place run and this is the best group of people on the planet; they’re the best crew I’ve ever worked with.
INTERVIEWER: What are some of their names?
SHANKS: Umm ... the crew, I dunno – we don’t, like, talk or anything like that.

TAPPING: Well, because the behind-the-scenes shows are so boring. They’re dry. You know, our crew gets so stiff, they take themselves so seriously.

(On the set of a Goa’uld ship)
DeLUISE (to the camera): C’mon! Anubis is chasing us! Let’s go! (He runs through the set, with the camera following) C’mon! (He points to a door) This door’s locked! (He beckons) Come this way!

WOOD: Directing “Stargate” is a little bit like, uh, running a marathon with big heavy cement boots on, because you like running the marathon, and you’re in shape to run the marathon, but you’ve got these big heavy boots on.

(Martin Wood is holding a model of a Goa’uld mothership in one hand and model of a death glider in the other. Both of the models are on long sticks. He is holding the glider up to his nose.)
WOOD: You see where my nose is? This is, like, the camera looking at them right now, like this. OK, so if I’m the camera looking at them and we’re flying along like this ...

WOOD: Because of the fact that it’s such a huge machine to move around – there’s, like, a million trucks ...

(Shot of the long queue of trucks on location. The camera goes past the first truck and the driver leans out of the window)
DRIVER: We’re livin’ the dream!

WOOD: ... ten thousand people and, you know, you’ve got all this stuff to do, and you have these scripts that are like these big tomes of visual effects and things like this, and you have about seven and a half days to prep them.

(Back with the models of the mothership and the death glider)
WOOD: ... The death glider’s coming in like this ... (the model of the glider falls off its stick) OK, that won’t happen ...

(Clip from “Fail Safe” of the asteroid going into hyperspace and straight through the Earth)

GREENBURG: You’ve got live-action photography, computer animation, matte paintings ...

(Clip from “Summit” – Jack, Teal’c and Aldwin watch the Jaffa landing site)

GREENBURG: ... a big visual effects department and a big art department, and because we’re going to different worlds every week, it’s quite formidable, the task in front of us. What used to take us an hour and a half to set up takes us twenty minutes now (Shot [from “Full Circle”] of Teal’c standing in front of a green screen as some Abydonian boys run past him; then the finished scene with Teal’c standing at the door to the pyramid as the boys run past. In the distance, hordes of Jaffa coming running over the dunes) – a blue screen shot, so that enables us to get a lot more money on the screen.

(On set with the cockpit of the F-302)
OFFSCREEN VOICE: And ... explosion.
(Fires flare around the outside of the cockpit)

(On location for “Orpheus”)
ANDY MIKITA (Director/Producer): Here you can see the wonderful Jackson Pit here in sunny Maple Ridge. I’ve got my anti-rain gear on – we were anticipating some lousy weather out here but ... We’ve got a big crew of people and lots of extras today for a day of “Orpheus”.

(On the set, Tony Amendola is dressed in his Bra’tac gear and is filthy dirty)
TONY AMENDOLA: I think we’ve shot in every pit in Vancouver! You know, Stokes Pit, this pit, y’know, we’re all over the place, so I really .. this is my pretty look!

(Night shoot during “Orpheus”)
DeLUISE: Traditionally we don’t usually shoot night on the show and that’s because it’s very time-consuming, but it looks really, really cool ...
(Clip from “Nightwalkers” of the NID troops running in a row down a street with the lights on their rifles shining through the darkness. Then a clip of Sam zatting Agents Cross and Singer)
(Clip from “Redemption” of Teal’c at Drey’auc’s funeral.)
(Clip from “Redemption part 2” of the Jaffa who were holding Teal’c and Bra’tac prisoner coming under fire from Rya’c in a death glider)

(Back on the “Orpheus” set)
DeLUISE: This is a death camp, a labour camp where they actually work rebel Jaffa to death; and to inspire them into working even harder, they grab a couple of the slackers and take them over to the execution pit and they kill them. Which is what I like to do to inspire our crew: once in a while I’ll take a grip, or an electrician, or even a craft service person, and I’ll take them over and then I’ll kill them!

(Shot of the ‘lava rock’ used during “Orpheus”)
DeLUISE: The lava rock, if you can believe this, is rented. We’re gonna have to give it back. (He turns to the crew) So don’t break that lava rock! Make sure that lava rock stays intact because we have to give that back. It’s a rental.

(A stunt man is practising his moves)
DeLUISE: ... and one big ... (the stunt man does a cartwheel in the air) that’s the one! That’s the one! (To the actors standing next to him) And then, when he pulls that move ... (he laughs dramatically) That was good.

(Shot of the camera crew filming SG personnel running through the woods and firing during “Enemy Mine”)
DeLUISE: In the end you watch the show and you go, ‘I froze my bag off for that?’!

(Clip from “Maternal Instinct”)
CARTER: No welcoming party.
O’NEILL: Well, someone’s been reading Martha Stewart.

JAMES ROBBINS (Art Director): I’m basically in charge of the visual aspect of the show. If sets are designed by Bridget and Peter, I will illustrate those sets to give the directors and the executives a clearer image of what the finished product is gonna look like. And basically that’s my goal – to provide them with as near to what they’re gonna arrive at on the day, whether it be a dressed location or a visual effect that’s worked into a location.

(Set. Overhead shot of the hallways leading through a Goa’uld mothership. Then Peter DeLuise is in one of the hallways)
DeLUISE: What we have here is hallways, and this whole area – of which I think you just saw an aerial shot – will be used as our Goa’uld hallways for all of Season 7.

JIM MENARD (Director of Photography) (standing in a dimly lit hallway): There’s a lot of ships that are just ... different lighting setups. (He turns away from the camera) Where to now?
JAMES ROBBINS [I think]: Well, all this is the same from here. When you’ve seen one ship, you’ve seen them all!

(Clip from “Full Circle” of the super-weapon on Anubis’ mothership opening and then firing on the Goa’uld fleet)

(Back in the hallways)
DeLUISE: We’ll put a control board right here (he picks up a stepladder and plonks it down) and someone could be working the control board, referring back to a System Lord in a big captain’s chair ...

(Clip from “The Other Guys” of Khonsu in his throneroom)
(Clip from “Full Circle” of Anubis sitting on his throne)

DeLUISE: ... In fact, I think that is part of the plan is that Anubis will be hanging out here and his Jaffa will be saying ‘There’s an enemy ship appearing off the port bow’ and he’ll say (Peter puts a sheet of paper over his face and does his best Darth Vader impression) ‘Destroy them’ ...

(Clip from “Full Circle”)
ANUBIS: Now I will destroy Abydos.

DeLUISE: ... and it’ll be very fascinating.

TAPPING: The visual effects are spectacular, some of the best on television. Our guys are fantastic. But, you know, we throw a lot of money at them to do that, an inordinate amount of money – some might say too much, other areas of the show suffer. Personally, for example, I get one little tub of hair product (holding her thumb and forefinger an inch apart) at the beginning of the year and it has to last me the whole year.

CRAIG VANDENBIGGELAR (Visual Effects Supervisor): Whenever you see a spaceship on “Stargate SG-1”, more than likely we’ve done it. CG alien characters, a virtual world that doesn’t exist – we’ll create it on the computer using high-end computer graphic software. An average episode will be twenty to thirty shots; a really big episode will be a hundred and ten shots.

SHANKS: You know, there’s lots of great acting, great stories, great make-up, but there’s one thing that makes this show a hit.

WOOD: We’re gonna blow somethin’ up now.

(Lots and lots of clips of explosions from various episodes)

WOOD: That wasn’t bad. It didn’t suck too badly, did it?

JUDGE (talking about the CGI effect of the X-303 taking off in “Prometheus”): There was supposed to be this huge ship and it was supposed to be in the distance, so, y’know, you tell someone ‘huge ship’ - OK, there’s gonna be a big ship. So all of our reactions were just kind of, like, ‘Oh, there’s a huge ship’. So when we saw the episode, this ship was MASSIVE, and our reactions were just, like, (disinterested voice) ‘Oh’. So I think that’s the last time we ever got caught, like, underestimating what would be on screen, cos we just looked dopey. So now any time they say that something’s gonna be spectacular, well, we take it for as big as we can, our reactions, because it’s gonna be spectacular. I mean, this is the production guy almost, like, doing a little feature every week, you know – it’s really amazing.

(Clip from “Exodus” of the death glider and alkesh fighting it out)

WOOD: Whenever you blow something up, part of the problem is that you have to have it particle-ised – you have to have bits and pieces of something coming off. So for “Full Circle”, what we ended up doing was we ended up building a hundred thousand dollar pyramid. We rebuilt the pyramid.

(Shots of the pyramid being built – it’s about ten feet high)

ROBERT C COOPER (Executive Producer): It was a difficult show to write because we didn’t know whether the series was ending, we didn’t know whether it was going to be a bit of a stepping stone to the feature film or whether we were going to be coming back for a seventh season, so it had to encompass all of those story elements; it had to serve as potentially a series finale, and so we wanted it to be big; we wanted it to be an extravaganza.

WOOD (referring to the building and blowing up of the pyramid): I think that the first budget came in at somewhere around fifty thousand dollars and we went ‘Well, that’s a fair big single vis effect for us!’ and then the second one came in at a hundred thousand dollars and I was standing there going, ‘This is kinda too big, even though it may be the last show we ever do, we still have, like, we have gliders blowing up and we’ve got all this stuff happening’. So we’re thinking, ‘Should we do this?’ but we’d already committed to this pyramid – there’s people making these little blocks and things like this that have to be blown up (shot of the pyramid being blown up) and on the day, when it blew up, it looked amazing. (Shot of the finished scene, with the pyramid blowing up and the ripple effect coming across the sand to consume the camera)

TAPPING: “Stargate SG-1” is a very funny show.

SHANKS (working out with weights): [He talks so rapidly I can’t make out a word of the beginning of what he says!] ... the comedy and the humour in sci-fi, or “Stargate”. There’s nothing funny about this show.

(Clip from “2001”)
O’NEILL: Just when you think you’re not in Kansas any more, turns out y’are.

TAPPING: You’ve probably noticed the number of “Wizard of Oz” references on our show, and we as a cast like to play into that. Teal’c is the obvious Lion, Daniel the obvious Scarecrow, Jack O’Neill the Tin Man, and Samantha Carter Dorothy. Unfortunately, Rick likes to be Dorothy.

(Clip from “Politics”)
O’NEILL: And you were there, and you were there, and there’s no place like home.

(Clip from “Urgo”)
URGO: Ahh, I’m melting, I’m melting! What a world!

(Clip from “The First Commandment”)
O’NEILL: We’re off to see the Wizard!
CARTER: Any indigenous lions, tigers, or bears I should lying awake worrying about?

(Clip from “Solitudes”)
O’NEILL: Unless they’ve redecorated the Gateroom, I don’t think we’re in Kansas any more.

(Clip from “Tangent”)
DANIEL: Mek’ta sat’ak Oz!

ANDERSON: This is the only thing I’ve ever really demanded as a Producer. I demand a sense of humour.

INTERVIEWER (to Amanda): Who do you think the funniest person on the show is?
TAPPING (to herself): Who’s the funniest person on the show? (She thinks about it for a bit) Who is the funniest person on the show?

SHANKS: It’s not about funnyness or humour or ha-ha’s. I mean, I’m funny, but the show’s not.

(Clip from “Point of No Return”)
MARTIN: A top secret government programme involving instantaneous travel to other solar systems by means of a device known as a Stargate.
O’NEILL: Sounds like a good idea for a TV show – if you’re into that sorta thing.

ANDERSON: As we’re reading – as we’re having a table reading – I just ... I’ll improvise or make stuff up, or twist a word here and there, or take an idea and just run tangentially with it.

(Clip from “Fallen”)
O’NEILL: Don’t judge a book by its cover.

ANDERSON: I have found over the years – and the poor cast that have had to endure my shenanigans, I mean literally had to endure this, cos I at times don’t have control over it. It’s a frightening reality for me.

(Clip from “Fallen”)
O’NEILL: Yet, birds of a feather ...

JUDGE: It’s like, sometimes you just look at him and go, ‘Are you really gonna say it like that?!’

ANDERSON: It’s not a sign of madness, it’s just a sign of, I think, cosmic giddiness.

(Clip from “Redemption”)
ANUBIS’s HOLOGRAM: I am Anubis.
O’NEILL (to Sam): Oh, c’mon – who talks like that?!

GREENBURG: Rick, knowing that, with the MacGuyver experience, knowing that this is something that could go seven years, and here we are, the seventh year – he needed to broaden the character and bring a lot more of himself into it, cos that’s his comfort zone.

(Outtake from “Solitudes”. Jack and Sam are digging out the DHD)
TAPPING (as Carter): You spent seven years on MacGuyver and you can’t figure this one out? We’ve got belt buckles and shoelaces and a piece of gum – build a nuclear reactor, fer cryin’ out loud! You used to be MacGuyver, MacGadget, MacGimmick, now you’re Mr MacUseless! Dear God - I’m stuck on a glacier with MacGuyver!

SHANKS: I think, you know, in watching some old MacGuyver episodes – you know, MacGuyver wasn’t a very funny guy.

(Clip from “Absolute Power”)
O’NEILL: If I may, sir. I think what he means is the wick is the centre of the candle. Ostensibly a great leader like yourself is essential to the whole ball of wax. Basically what it means is that’s it’s always better to have a big long wick, right?

ANDERSON: I have purposefully made him a little thick ...

GREENBURG: It’s hell.
WOOD: It is. I can’t stand it.

ANDERSON: ... a little dense, a little slow on the uptake, which in itself is funny to me – a man to be of authority and this highly ranked in the military to be that slow in the face of Carterisms ...

(Clip from “Point of View”)
CARTER: My best guess is that the device creates a modulated dampening field around the liquefied naqahdah.
ALT-CARTER: Which controls the energy transfer to the capacitor.

(Clip from “Allegiance”)
CARTER: That might just excite the phase particles enough to bring them into our visible light spectrum.

ANDERSON: ... and all he can say is ...

(Various clips of Jack saying, “What?”)

SHANKS: These are characters that live in our world – they live in our generation, in our time line and they’re going and seeing all these strange and absurd things. What would you say if you were there? And Rick’s character really provides that sort of sarcastic dialogue and commentary upon some of the tackier or stranger things that we see in our universe.

(Clip from “Unnatural Selection”)
O’NEILL: I suppose you want to talk to these bug people?
JONAS: Don’t you?
O’NEILL: No.

Continued in next message ...

Continued ...

JUDGE: As long as Rick doesn’t turn out to be just a complete jackass, we’re gonna have some good on-screen chemistry!

(Clip from “Maternal Instinct”)
DANIEL: The monk is just someone who’s sort of taken up a curatorship.
O’NEILL: Kind of a janitor?
DANIEL: More of a guide.
O’NEILL: An usher?
DANIEL: It doesn’t matter.

SHANKS: He’s the guy who’s constantly screwing around. He’s like a bad kid, he really is. He’s a brat.

(Clip from “Full Circle”)
O’NEILL: I was sure that was an aspirin I took this morning.
DANIEL: Jack, it’s really me, it’s me. You have to help. You have to find the Eye of Ra before Anubis does. I mean, keep it, hide it, destroy it, whatever, it doesn’t matter. We don’t have much time.
O’NEILL: Hey, Daniel, how you doin’? Long time. How are things in the higher plains?

COOPER: Brad and I have been sort of harbouring the secret that “Stargate” is actually a comedy for a number of years now.

ANDERSON: Was it ever funny?!

(Clip from “Crystal Skull”)
CARTER: Well, look at these readings. Sir, these are leptons!
O’NEILL: Get out(!)

(On location)
TAPPING (to some of the crew): I’m funny, right? You think I’m funny?
CREWMEMBER (sighing a little): She’s funny.
INTERVIEWER: You think you’re funny?
TAPPING: I’m funny! Dirk, you think I’m funny, right?
DIRK (panic stricken): Uhh, yes!

GREENBURG: We really want them to tell their story in their way, in their style.
WOOD: [something indecipherable ending in the word ‘stupid’!]

TAPPING: Other than a lot of sci-fi shows out there, we’re fallible, present day human beings.

(Amanda fits her mike up inside her shirt)
TAPPING (talking in a silly voice): I’m going to put it in the valley of the shadow of death, and then ... (She grins widely at the camera) I get to play with myself!

TAPPING: We don’t take ourselves too, too seriously ...

(On location for “Orpheus”, Michael and Amanda spot the cameraman filming them yet again)
SHANKS: Ah!
TAPPING: Ah!
SHANKS: He’s everywhere, aren’t you? You’re at every location today.

TAPPING: ... even less so now than we did at the beginning cos we’re so comfortable with each other, and I think it makes it more accessible.

(Clip from “Point of View”)
ALT-CARTER: All we needed was the ratio of the decay rate of naqahdah relative to the energy output.
CARTER: But how do you even begin to recalibrate a field that you can’t generate in the first place?
O’NEILL: Hey, hey, hey, hey!

SHANKS: It can be a little bit, um, blue-collarish and strange at times, where you feel you wanna shake your head and do the Galaxy Quest and say ‘What am I doing?!’

GREENBURG: They feed off each other and that too makes for better film.

TAPPING: I wanna be funny! When do I get to be funny? I never get to be funny. Sam’s not funny ... damn her!

(On location for “Orpheus”)
INTERVIEWER: What planet are we on?
DeLUISE: This is the planet known as Erebus, the first level of hell. (He grins hugely at the camera)

ANDERSON: It’s so important for our work environment to acknowledge that it’s not a life and death situation, especially in this business. It’s entertainment.

JUDGE: We’re gonna show you where some of these great stories come from. And a little hint: one of the stories comes from a very special cast member! (He pats his own head)

SHANKS: The most important thing for writing for “Stargate SG-1” is how many lines you get.

(Clip of “Absolute Power”)
DANIEL: Well, the truth is we couldn’t have done any of this without your help, and I probably should have been more appreciative.
O’NEILL: The fruit basket was nice.

ANDERSON: I thought it had great potential as a series. You have probably television’s greatest standing prop – that thing back there (he jerks his thumb back to the Stargate) and you’re limited only by your imagination about what kind of story you can tell, which is, I think, one of the things you need – you desperately need – to be successful is the ability to tell good stories. That’s all it comes down to, kids.

(Clip from “Meridian”)
O’NEILL: Where are you going?
DANIEL: I don’t know.

JOSEPH MALLOZZI (Co-Executive Producer): I remember when we first came on board – Season 4. We’d be sitting around our offices going ‘How the hell are we gonna come up with stories? Imagine if we go to a Season 5 (at the time) – how are we gonna come up with stories?!’ But as time goes on, it becomes easier.

(In a writing session)
MALLOZZI (to Cooper): So it’s his birthday. No-one has remembered his birthday, Teal’c is depressed. He goes through the Gate. The second he steps through on Chulak, there’s the rest of SG-1 and they’re gonna throw him a surprise party.
COOPER: Is it funny?
(Mallozzi looks doubtful.)

(Clip from “Ascension”)
O’NEILL: Now what?
TEAL’C: I have read of a place where humans do battle in a ring of jello.
O’NEILL (throwing Teal’c his cellphone): Call Daniel.

MALLOZZI: You can go back to, you know, the mythology, the pre-established mythologies or the backstory that’s already been set and, you know, just pick up some of the storylines or dangling plot threads that need to be addressed. Essentially what is best for the story is what we end up with.
PAUL MULLIE (Co-Executive Producer): Nobody ever storms out of the room crying.
MALLOZZI: ... Except Damian that one time.
MULLIE: But we won’t talk about that.

DAMIAN KINDLER (Supervising Producer): I think that it’s the dynamic of a person going, ‘I was in the shower this morning and I was looking at the drain and realised we need to do a wormhole story about x’.

GREENBURG: It’s the best idea wins. If you surround yourself with creative people ... Unfortunately, in this case, we didn’t.

(Rehearsals on set)
ANDERSON (as Jack): Major, I thought I told you to just stay put.
(Everyone giggles. Rick points to the script)

MULLIE: Yeah, it’s written for all ... I take ... equally responsible for whatever’s good and whatever’s bad.

(Clip from “The Other Guys”)
HERAK: You have never experienced the likes of what Anubis is capable of.
O’NEILL: You ended that sentence with a preposition!

KINDLER: I’m notorious for pulling out of the air and making it up on the spot, but everyone calls me on it. Paul Mullie is like, ‘Uh, there’s no Mayan god named Fred!’ (He looks away and adds quietly) Sure there is!

(Clip from “Abyss”)
BA’AL: I am Ba’al.
O’NEILL: That’s it? Just Ball ... as in Bocce?

COOPER: We’ve developed a pretty complex mythology on the show that is very specific to “Stargate” and so there is a uniqueness to the science fiction angle of “Stargate”.

(Clip from “One False Step”)
DANIEL: How about mythology?
O’NEILL: Rumours, lies, fairytales.
DANIEL: You see? See? See, see, see, see?!

COOPER: I think that the episodes work well when you find something from the past that we haven’t mined yet and then go, ‘Ooh!’

(Clip from “1969”)
CARTER: I have to update the computer’s drift calculation to include gravitational space-time warping.

(Clip from “Red Sky”)
O’NEILL: I only understand about one percent of what she says half the time.

TAPPING: I do understand what I’m saying, cos I research it ...

(Clip from “Point of View”)
CARTER and ALT-CARTER (simultaneously): We’ll figure it out.

(Clip from “Tin Man”)
CARTER: Recreating the neural structure on a molecular level ...
ROBOT CARTER: I know, I know! It defies the uncertainty principle.

(Clip from “Singularity”)
CARTER: But during the totality phase of the eclipse, we should be able to see matter spiraling towards it.

TAPPING: ... otherwise there would be this sort of deadness – this Bambi look in my eyes that wouldn’t sell it.

(Filming for “Orpheus”)
JAFFA COMMANDER: Sel’ma, kree! Mek’tor!

(Filming for “Enemy Mine”)
(Alex Zahara, as Iron Shirt, starts shouting something in the Unas language but gets it wrong and swears ferociously enough for it to be bleeped out. He turns to one of the crew for help.)
ZAHARA: What is it?

COOPER: Makin’ up alien dialogue is absolutely the worst part of my job. I just hate it.

(Filming for “Orpheus”)
DeLUISE: Very, you know, hard consonants: things like ‘Kek’ – that means ‘kill’; and ‘Kree’ka’ – which means ‘Get ready to kill someone’; and then they’ve got ‘D’brink!’ which means ‘Kill that guy again!’

ANDERSON: Aristotle would be proud of us. We’ve had fun along the way in telling a good story.

(Clip from “Abyss”)
DANIEL: Hi, Jack.
O’NEILL: Daniel.
DANIEL: I leave, and look at the mess you get yourself into.

TAPPING: Yeah, I think the writers had a really tough time figuring out how to bring Daniel Jackson back. I know it was a difficult decision for Michael. From what I understand, his numerologist said, ‘Don’t come back,’ his astrologer said, ‘Come back,’ and then his Pilates coach said, ‘Come back.’

SHANKS: Y’know, it was about that the show had evolved to a place where the character had become a bit superfluous and so I thought it was time just to go try out other things as well.

ANDERSON: Michael coming back is wonderful. It’s – I’ve always enjoyed working with him.

(Clip from “One False Step”)
DANIEL: Well, we need to do something.
O’NEILL: I agree with you, but I haven’t had the brilliant revelations you seem to have had.
DANIEL: Well maybe you could try coming out with something a little bit better than inappropriate sarcasm.
O’NEILL: You want sarcasm? Nice to meet ya.

ANDERSON: He has a savvy and a rhythm, an awareness of rhythms and he’s a good actor and he’s fun for ... I have a ball playing off him.

(Clip from “Abyss”)
O’NEILL: Shame you’re a delusion.
DANIEL: No, I’m here. I’m really here.
O’NEILL: Sure y’are. (He throws his shoe through him.)

ANDERSON: We don’t talk, actually, off camera, cos we still really don’t get along. (He grins at the camera) I just thought I’d seed that, see how far that rumour goes!

JUDGE: I mean, he’s my running buddy.
(At the trailers, Chris sneaks up to Michael’s trailer.)
JUDGE (whispering to the camera): That’s Michael Shanks! (He sneaks into the trailer where Michael is lying down on a sofa) Shanks! (Chris runs over and lies down on top of him. Michael wails at the weight. Chris kicks his legs into the air.) What’s up, man?!

TAPPING: I missed him, but I’m kinda glad he went away for a year because when he came back it was just like, he’s so totally meant to be here.

(The cameraman is trying a fancy angle and has the camera down on the ground, filming up the length of Michael’s body)
SHANKS: You know, Teal’c is a warrior, Carter’s a warrior, O’Neill’s a warrior, so I think that it’s important that we have somebody like a damsel in distress. (He looks down at the camera, aware that it’s filming straight up his nose!) Is this, you really think this is the best angle for me?

(Clip from “Abyss”)
O’NEILL: I’d have busted you out, blown this rat hole to hell and made sure that son-of-a-bitch suffered!
DANIEL: The Others would have stopped you...
O’NEILL: They’d have a hell of a fight on their hands...
DANIEL: You wouldn’t do that...
O’NEILL: Ba’al would be dead...
DANIEL: Jack...
O’NEILL: ... and don’t think I’d stop there!
DANIEL: You’re a better man than that...
O’NEILL (anguished): THAT’S WHERE YOU’RE WRONG!

CORIN NEMEC: Any time you have to come on and create a new character that essentially is replacing another one, there’s ... there’s always gonna be a little bit of pressure, especially if someone’s established for five years on a show. You know, people are extremely used to the dynamics that are already established.

(Clip from “Meridian”)
JONAS: And you’re looking for someone to blame?
O’NEILL: I’m not gonna let you tarnish his name. See, I don’t care what that stuff is worth to anyone. My government will admit Daniel is guilty Over My Dead Body.

KINDLER: Consequently I never got to write for Michael Shanks until Season 7. And so I was indoctrinated into the world of Jonas Quinn, then had to learn about writing for Daniel Jackson. And they are not placeholder roles. I mean, these guys are very, very different. It’s like writing for, you know, the original Spiderman versus the new Spiderman. It’s like, um ... that’s a horrible way to put it!

SHANKS: There was expected to be tension between us, which I really don’t understand but it was almost like people were sitting back and watching. When the two of you entered the room at the same time, people were standing back and waiting for the gloves to come off and (laughs) somebody to throw a punch.

NEMEC: There were difficult moments but otherwise – that was only at the very beginning. Once I relaxed, everything seemed to go alright, so ... Me and Michael have never had any issues whatsoever, not even in the least, because the whole thing ... there was no bad blood to begin with; there was nothing weird that happened; it was a decision that was made and that’s how it worked out, and it was all good.

TAPPING: I’m actually not allowed to comment on that particular situation any more. But let me just say that whatever you have read in the press, depending on what it is, is either true, or not true.

(On location for “Enemy Mine”. Michael stands near a skeletal corpse)
SHANKS: Welcome to Extras Holding here in the seventh season of “Stargate SG-1”. I think this year, more than any other year before, we’ve really got a handle on the Ancient storyline and where it’s going.

(Clip from “Fallen”)
JONAS: I got it. Teal’c! Teal’c! I got it. ... It’s not the Lost City. It’s the City of the Lost.
CARTER: Two words: ‘Gate address’.

BRAD WRIGHT (Series Co-Creator): Where we’re gonna end up, I don’t completely know.

ANDERSON: No, I actually don’t know. I did ... it just occurred to me that I haven’t the slightest idea!

(Clip from “Fallen”. Daniel is brought in by SG-3)
O’NEILL: Daniel?

NEMEC: It’s pretty much left open. You know, who knows?

KINDLER: You know – one: nothing’s been decided for sure; two: they don’t tell me anything.

(Clips from “Fallen”)
O’NEILL (to Daniel): You were a member of my team, SG-1. You’re a friend of mine.

CARTER: Our goal is to take out Anubis’ new super-weapon.
O’NEILL: This is the wackiest plan we’ve ever come up with.

TAPPING: I’m gonna be directing an episode this year.
INTERVIEWER: What’s it called?
TAPPING: I have no idea.
INTERVIEWER: You seen the script yet?
TAPPING: I’ve not seen a script. But, one of our cast members is writing what I hear is a brilliant script.

COOPER: Chris Judge is gonna be writing an episode this year and, well, I guess in the simplest terms, it’s about Amazons.

JUDGE: Sometimes when I’m wearing a hat it’s easier to see me as Chris Judge the writer. You know, sometimes when I walk into a room as the writer and I’m not wearing my headgear (he takes his hat off) it’s just, ‘Hey, there’s Teal’c,’ but I find that, see, look: (he puts his hat back on) writer. A lot of it is just in the headgear.

COOPER: Fortunately for us it will involve long hours of arduous casting of beautiful women.

WRIGHT: And I love that! That’s ... how could you ask for more?

(Clip from “Full Circle”)
DANIEL: You’re gonna find the lost city of the Ancients.
O’NEILL: Lost city?!
DANIEL (to Sam): Didn’t tell him about that, either, huh?

WRIGHT: At the conclusion of Season 7 we’re going to know more about the Ancients than we ever have. We’re gonna know about where they went and we’re gonna find out where they are right now.

TAPPING (in a goofy voice): Look for the Ancients and the lost city. We don’t know where it is. Help us find it! Look for the lost city.

WRIGHT: And as I said a long time ago to audience members wondering where they were, I said, ‘I think maybe you’ve already met them’.

(Clips from “Homecoming”)
ANUBIS: Welcome home, Jonas Quinn.

CARTER: If Anubis can figure out how to overcome the instability of the naqahdria, it will give him a significant advantage over all of his enemies.

(Clip from “Revisions”)
PALLAN: If there were over one hundred thousand people living here, where did they all go?

ANDERSON: You know, what I’d really like to do is meet the cast of Star Trek somewhere.

JUDGE: I really want those damned Jaffa to be free!

ROTHERY: That was very butch!

MULLIE: We’re gonna introduce a new soldier working for Anubis.
MALLOZZI: Essentially cannon fodder – characters we can kill off with gay abandon!

SHANKS: I think this is gonna be a really busy year for the character.

(Clips from “Orpheus”)
DANIEL: His empire has expanded further and faster than anyone could have expected.

TEAL’C: I blame only myself.
DANIEL: Teal’c!

(Teal’c, walking along with the help of parallel bars, turns for another pass. He almost falls and Daniel seizes his arm to support him.)
TEAL’C (glaring at Daniel): Leave me be.

ANDERSON: I would tell you. I tell everything. I’m easy. I’m an easy torture victim – you could get anything outta me. Um, to be honest with you ... no, I can’t be honest with you.

(Clip from “Heroes”)
O’NEILL: I like vanilla over chocolate, my favorite color is peridot, I think Tibet should be free, and if I could have dinner with anyone in the world it’d be Mary Steenburgen.
BREGMAN: No, I’m just trying ... Mary Steenburgen?
O’NEILL: I think she’s nice.

TAPPING: I hope you’ve enjoyed the ‘Lowdown’ on “Stargate SG-1”, the real skinny, the inside scoop. Season 7 is coming up. I hope you’ll watch, because quite frankly I have nothing else lined up. So, enjoy.