The XDCA Archives has this to say about The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy Universe (HGU).

"If you are even remotely sane, avoid it."

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy has this to say about the XDCA.

"If you are remotely sane, avoid them."

-

Greymoran and Jackson Dupree hugged each other as Jackson stepped off the transporter pad. "Good to see you in one piece father," Jackson says. "And the ship looks good too. I guess the weapon has been destroyed and our nameless firend has gone home?" Greymoran nods. "And aside from some burnt out power transfer nodes, we're in the same shape we were when we started." The two left the transporter room and headed for the bridge, the security robot Hudzen following close behind. Jackson and Hudzen were the last of the Archangel crew members to reboard from the science vessel Tranquility. Hudzen stays silent, merely becuase he feels he has nothing to say. Jackson continues. "So I take it Dr. Jackson and Ms. Halliwell will be going back to Avalon with the O'Neill?" "Actually no. Thor is taking the O'Neill back to his home universe to search for any more survivors, thouhg he doubts there'll be any. He says that Jake Grey was able to forge an Alliance between Anubis and the Replicators. Scary thought that. Since we'll be headed back to Avalon ourselves for a debriefing, first from Jerr-I mean President Redding," Greymoran almost snickers. He still finds the idea of Jarry Redding, formerly the most impulsive and annoying Earthman the wizard turned captain had ever met as leader of this massive organization a strange concept. "and then from Ahz. Science Divison wants every detail of the sensor readings from the anamoly. From us and the Tranquility. We'll drop off Daniel and Phoebe then beam down to headquarters." "Greymoran to the bridge," Cedirc Walker's voice piped in through his commlink. "We're already in the lift. We'll be there-" The doors opened. "Now." He shut off the link then walked over to Lieutenant Cedric Walker who was currently sitting in the captain's chair. He stood up. "Sir, we are receiving a priority one message from President Redding." So that's why Cedirc isn't beign sarcastic right now, Greymoran thought. "On screen," he says aloud as he, Jackson, and Hudzen walk to thier respective stations. Jerry Redding's face appears on the screen. Greymoran can tell right away this is not going to be good, because Jerry has the look of a doctor who is about to diagnose a patient with an embarrassing illness. The look reeks of "don't blame me." "Captain, I have good news and bad news. The good news, we've learned of a cache of weapons and ships the Jake Grey was hoarding, but for various reasons was unable to use." Greymoran nodded. This was indeed good news, but Redding still had that look. Greymoran had a feeling about what the bad news would be related to. "I take it the bad news has to do with where." "I'm only sending you because you have experience dealing with things that are, well, odd in nature. Having spent time in the LICC Universe and all." A look of abject annoyance passes over Greymoran's face. "Oh no. Tell me it's not where I think it is." "It's in one of the Plural sectors of the HGU." Greymoran and Hudzen simultaneously groan. Keith, Sorik, Walker, and Jackson all turn to look at them. Greymoran acting like a small child whose just been told to clean his room or no desert was od enough, but the robot having the same reaction was downright shocking. Redding looked so apologetic that Jackson feared his frown would becomr permananet. "I'm sorry Captain, but we have to get this cache in our cutody. If one of the native empires, or a group of XDPs finds it it could be disasterous. "So could going to a Plural sector. You know what kind of havoc those areas of that universe wreaks with extra-dimensional ships!" Jackson was stunned. It seemed as though his father, a man who'd rushed blindly into a hopeless battle with a fleet larger then any even his original, Captain Jackson Tacoman of the LICC, had ever witnessed, was trying to whine his way out of an assignment! Redding sighed. "It stinks I know, but there isn't anybody else I genuinely beelive can handle this." Greymoran slumps in his chair, looking the most defeated he'd ever looked in his life, no that the other bridge crew would know that sicne they hadn't known him that long. "Fine. We'll just drop off our passengers on Avalon then head out." Keith looked sad. He'd been hoping to spend time with Rita and Anna, his wife and daughter, between the debriefings and the next mission. Jerry nodded his agreement. That is to say he started to nod his agreement. Then a beep was heard of screen. Jerry looked down, coughed, muttered "hoo-boy," then said, "I'm afraid you'll have to go now. I was going to give you a few hours to prepare yourself and your crew, but I just received word from our agent in that universe." "You have an agent in that place?" Greymoran said in amazement. "He's a native, so he has no trouble handling the stresses of that universe. Anyway, he just told us that a man in a Kimono with glowing eyes paid him a good deal of money to learn of the location of the cache. The agent being who he is, he took the money and told him." Redding said that last part with contempt. "Lucky for him and for us, the location of the cache being in a Plural sector means there's a chance we'll catch it before Yu." Walker blurted out something that he later regretted. "Wait, what? We'll catch it beofre the captain? What does that mean?" Redding just looked at him. "Lord Yu, of the Goa'uld. From one of the SG1Us. We don't know which one." Greymoran almost smiled. Almost. "Well, we happen to have Dr. Daniel Jackson aboard sir. Long story how, but he is a bonafide expert on the System Lords, and knows Lord Yu personally, after a fashion." "Well, good. Good luck, and please, come back with all your marbles." Sorik raised an eyebrow at that comment but wisely decided not to ask.

HGU? You mean one of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy universes? I've read about them... they can get pretty strange sometimes... What is it that you don't like about them, Captain? Besides the fact that the Earth is destroyed in most of them...
Hmm.. maybe I can pick up an updated Guide there...

"Commander, HGUs are some of the most unstable universes that the XDCA have discovered," Hudzen tells Jackson, "They don't follow the rules that beings in universes like ours do. Because of the chaos and unpredictability of these universes, the XDCA has always had minimal activity in them. It's surprising that Grey used one to store his ships."

"Why is it a surprise? It's obvious he was completely off his rocker. He'd fit in nicely in HGU. I just hope we don't run into Vogons on this trip. I heard a recording of a Vogon poem once. That was before it was banned as an interrogation technique by Agents since the agents usually ended up confessing to things they'd done in their life before the suspect did." Greymoran shook his head. "I only heard bits of it through an open door and I still have nightmares. Mr. Walker, set the course." Greymoran hit the comm buton on the arm of his chair. "Dr. Daniel Jackson, report to the bridge. Dr. Ssira, begin replicating stores of anti-depressants."

"Vogon poetry," Hudzen comments, "For some reason not yet discovered, humans are less susceptible to its effects. Several suspects were found to be immune to the poetry back when we used it. It's quite a mysery."

"We're there sir. Dimensional computers show us as being in orbit around the planet Magrathea." Greymoran sighed. "Really? Didn't the coordinates President Redding give us say we'd show up in the Sirius system?" Walker checked his console. "Huh. That's odd. We don't seem to be where we're supposed to." Jackson, a fan of the Hitchhiker's novels perks up. "Hey, maybe we can met Slartibartfast!" "We're not on a sightseeing trip Commander," Greymoran said. "Mr. Walker, set a course for-" Jackson interuppted him. "Sir! Someone or something is trying to upload, well, something to our main computer. It appears to be coming from the Sirius sytem." Greymoran's eyes go wide. "Shut the computer down, now! Before it's too-" "Hi there!" the computer announced ina chipper high pitched voice, the opposite of the low key voice that it originally was. "Too late," he finished dejectedly. "I'm your new Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Genuine People Personality Shipboard Computer. I'm only a sample, sent by the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation as a possible replacemnet for your old boring computer. Call me Eddie if it'll make you happy. is there anything I can do for you? I'm glad to be of service to you, the crew of," the computer paused for a second. Jakcson saw it searching the ship's records. "The crew of the X.S.S. Archangel. What a wonderful name for a starship! And a nice you have here too. If you want to keep me on board permanently, please send a sub-etha band reply to the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation within gthe next 5 days. Thank you for having me." For a brief moment, Jackson thought he heard Greymoran sobbing. "Wow that was annoying. Can we get rid of it?" Keith asked. Sorik nodded. "It would be wise not to have an unknown computer program running the ship," he said. Greymoran merely hung his head. He hated this universe. "Dr. Ssira to the bridge. Bring some of those anti-depressants please."

Eddie, if you do not give us our old computer back, we will find where you came from and reprogram all of your memory banks, and perhaps the memory banks of all the computers there, with a very, very, large battle axe.

There was long pause of silence on the bridge. "So that's a no then?" Greymoran chimed in his two cents. "Hudzen replicate an ax." "OK, OK, I get the hint!" Eddie said. And with that, he was gone. Greymoran turned to Jackson. "Nicely done Comamnder. Might I ask where you came up with that?" "I'm a fan of the novels that this universe derives from sir." Greymoran smiles. "Well, that gives us an advantage doesn't it?" "Sir," Walker interupted. "we're pikcing up a signal. It looks like a ship is trying to not to be noticed, but simultaneously trying to get our attention. It looks like," Cedirc pauses and squints at his console. "Computer has identified it sir. It says the ship is called Heart of Gold." Gryemoran nods. I guess that would be our agent coming to say Hi and try not to get locked up in a prison camp for selling us out to Lord Yu. Prepare to dock. We won't be able to use transporters while we're in this universe. Too risky."

"I must commend you, Commander, I did not believe that threatening the computer would cause it to vacate the ship," Hudzen says, "The computers here are notorious for their inability to detect the emotions sentient beings put out toward them. We are docking with the Heart of Gold." There is a short rumble and shake as the two ships meet.

Greymoran, Hudzen, and Jackson go to the airlock to meet their new passenger. The door opens. "Raddy? That you buddy? Nice uniform kid." Greymoran sighed. "Radagast is dead Zaphod." The two headed, thre armed humanoid frowned. Or at least one of his heads did. The other was scoping out Hudzen. "Oh. Greymoper." "Greymoran." "You're a moper baby. Your brother was a cool guy. Could hold his liquor I'll tell you. Shame I couldn't stay in that universe you guys rescued me from. Which I appreciate by the way. But you know, my home uni need me." "Bull**** Zaphod. You didn't leave WCU3, you got kicked out. You got half the Admirals of the Confed fleet drunk and nearly got them all killed!" "Hey yeah? Hey, that was those Kilrabies guys not me. 'Sides, I don't even know how I got there anyway." Gryemoran groaned. "Comamdner Dupree, Commander Hudzen, this is Zaphod Beeblebrox. Former President of the Galaxy, and a grade-A self-involved idiot." "And this is Greymoran," Zaphod said in an official sounding voice, pointing at Greymoran with two hands, while the thrid rested in a pocket, "a man with a stick the size of a Betelguese battlecruiser up his bum."

I don't know, he can have a good time if he wants to...
Hello, Zaphod. I am the clone of Greymoran's son. Call me Jackson if you want.
Computer, replicate one towel, standard for travel in this dimension.
In a nearby replicator, a large blue towel appears. It appears to be perfectly ordinary, and upon closer inspection, proves to be ordinary.
Huzden, as for my threatening of Eddie, you should read some of the books that these universes are formed from. You might learn a thing or two.
Jackson gives a mischievous eyebrow wiggle and smile.

"I have studied every piece of literature and media based on this universe, Commander," Hudzen says, "I know about its peoples, its cultures, its laws, and its dangers."

Greymoran coughed to get every one's attention. "OK. We're all going to the bridge now. Dr. Jackson will brief us on Lord Yu, and Zaphod will tell us EVERYTHING he knows about Grye's cache, and what's in it." "Naquadriah, Redeemer virus, a weapon called the psychlonic blast. A few other things I can't remember." Zaphod chimed in. Greymoran's eyes widened in shcok. "WHAT?!?" "Naquadriah, Redeemer virus-" "That was a rhetorical what dimbulb!" He turned to Jackson. "This is worse than I thought. When you get to the bridge have Keith analyze eveyrthing we have in the archives about naquadriah, and tell Dr. Ssira about the virus. Maybe XD medical has something we can use." The wizard shakes his head. "This day just gets better and better. A Goa'uld with the Redeemer virus. Flippin' hell."

Back on Avalon;

Catherine Willows walked into President Jerry Redidng's office. She was quite surprised that the man had an opening in his schedule so readily available. She assumed that being the de facto leader of this massive organization would make him the busiest man on this planet.

Redding was playing a Game Boy Advance. Catherine recognized it beucase her daughter had been demanding one for a couple of years now. Redding noticed her entry and smiled. "I don't know why so many people from STUs tend to have such low opinions of TwenCen. Their entertainment alone is great for killing time between meetings." He put down the game. "Which reminds me, I have to meet with the head of the new XDCA Committee on Mental Health. They want me to start putting counselers on ALL ships, not just the ones that go outside the Avalon system. Anyway, Ms. Willows, your message said it was an urgent matter?" "Yes, Mr. Presiden-" "Please, call me Jerry. Unless my Chief of Staff is in the room. He's a stickler for protocol." "OK." Catherine proceeded to tell him about the theft of Keith Yeager's personel files, ship's logs, etc. She told him how she and her team in the 3rd shift of watch duty at the XDCA computer center (by hseer coinicdence, one of the team members was from the HGU. His name was unprouncable, but he was well liked, since he was a super-intelligent shade of the color blue) had learned that the hack had come from somewhere in SWU3, a universe Jerry Redding was familiar with as the Archangel herself had crashed on ice planet Hoth over a year previous. She told him how XDSec (Extra Dimensional Security) had told her she should go to the Space Corp of the XDCA, so they could send a ship to investigate. She told him how Space Corp suggested she go to XDSec so they could put an agent (since Agenst are the only ones allowed to carry the small personal dimensional portal generators that greymoran had used before Carrie stole the Archangel for him) on the case. She told him how XDSec had suggested going to the space station X-SS-48 to see if a ship was available for her to investigate this herself. She told him how her first trip through an STU matter transporter had led to her first ever trip to a space station's infirmary for excessive vomiting. "So as you can see, jerry, i've had a REALLY bad day, and I need SOMEONE to do something about this! Everyone keps telling me this is not important enough to throw resources at, and they may be right, but I've been a criminalist for over 10 years, and I've learned to trust my insticnt, and my instinct is saying there's more to this then an unhealthy interest in an archeologist." Redding nodded, briefly distracted by Catherine's athletic figure and neck length red hair. It took him a moment to register what she had just said. "I'm going to grant you temporary agent status Ms. Willows. Since you won't have access to a handheld dimensional travel device under that status, and since you haven't had full agent training yet, I'll personally assign a ship to take you to SWU3. And I know just the ship for you. She just got back from a shakedown cruise after a full repair, upgrade, and re-crewing." He told her the name of this ship as if it should mean something to her. It didn't, she hadn't been with the XDCA long enough to really any ship's name well except for the Archangel, but that's simply becuase EVERYONE knew about her exploits. "I feel I should warn you Catherine - can I call you Catherine? - The ship's crew is a bit, ecentric in appearance, especially the chief of security. He is going to want to sing for you. Don't take it personally, he does that for all newcomers. And the engineer, well," Redding toyed with the idea of telling her that the Revanche's chief of engineering was in fact, a talking chicken, but he decided he'd rather hear about her reaction from his former first officer, Captain Martin Durgin. He smiled, a mischevious smile. "Her accent is a little thick," was all he said. Catherine nodded. "So, the Revanche it is. Thank you."

Hudzen follows Greymoran and co. back to the bridge.
"Captain, what is our next course of action?"

Greymoran nodded towards Hudzen. "We need to understand what we're facing first." He then started speaking to everyone. "OK, a little background on the Redeemer virus first. I'm not familiar with the specifics of this virus, except I know it is a favored weapon of terror used by a group of religious fanatics operating in Thalonian space in one of the STUs called the Redeemers. Long story short, this virus can wipe out the entire population of an Earth sized planet within 24 hours. Fatality rate is 100%. Symptoms include bleeding through the pores, and liquification of internal organs. Death occurs within 10 minutes of infection, 15 at the most. It is airborne. and can travel over long distances. On top of that, it has a very short half-life, so a planet wiped out by this virus can be repopulated in less than a week." Keith and Jackson gasped. Daniel's jaw dropped. Zaphod whistled. "And I thought Vogon poetry was nasty," he said. Greymoran continued as if Zaphod had said nothing. Greymoran turned to Keith. Keith accepted his cue. "I haven't had much time to read everything we have on naquadriah, but I do know it's an off-shoot of naquadah, the key element to all Goa'uld and Tok'ra technology. It so far has been found only on Kolowna-" Daniel jackson interuppted. "Um, Kolowna is the name of the country, not the planet. The planet only had a number designation when I went there the first time," he seemed to flinch at the memory of this first enocunter. Greymoran and Phoebe of course understood, but no one else did. "Continue Mr. Yeager," Greymoran said. "Yes. Well, naquadah has a unique ability to enhance upwards of a hundred fold the explosive power of any weapon. Naquadah minerals packed into a photon torpedo just for an example would be disteous whihc is why the XDCA doesn't use it outside of it's native universes. Naquadriah is essentially the same, but dangerously unstable if anyone tries to draw large amounts of energy from it, which is why it would not be effective for creating new shields or weapons. But, if enough was packed into the casing of a misisle weapon, the results could be disasterous. I can only assume that's what Lord Yu intends to use it for." Daniel Jackson nodded. "I saw the results of the Kolownan Naquadriah bomb tests. The destructive power of these weapons, especially on an unprotected planet or ship cannot be underestimated." Keith nodded. "If Yu is able to get his hands on antimatter weapons, that would only make it worse." Two of Zaphod's eyes went wide. The other two were scoping out Hudzen's weapons. Greymoran nodded. "Mr. Yeager, hae you managed to find anything on the psychlonic blast?" "Yes sir. It's a Game Tech. And it's actually pronounced Psychonic." Zaphod shrugged. Greymoran winced. In the history of the XDCA only one conversion of a technology taken from a universe from a game of any kind, mostly 20th/2st century Earth computer games, had been succesful; the Inertial Nullifer that had been installed on the Revanche. That Zaphod had botched the pronunication didn't even matter. He'd heard the Jake grey, even before his "break" had been a pioneer in the area of game techs. Keith continued, not noticing the wince. "According to this, the Psychonic blast is a Romulan weapon, typically instaled on the Shadow-class vessel. It's a standard deflector dish, modified to emit a subspace blast of radiation. This radiation causes an enemy's crew in the impact area to go temporarily insane. Homicidcally so in fact. They start killing each other. Worse, if we were hit with one, our shields would lessen the size and length of the effect, but we can't stop it. If it hit the bridge, we'd start killing each other." Lt. Walker rolled his eyes. "Oh you've GOT to be kidding! This can't be real." Keith shrugged. "Oh it's real all right. Our best hope right now is that whoever Grey had working on this couldn't get it to work." Greymoran turned back to Zaphod. "OK Beeblebrox, I want to know, and right now, where this cache is." "Who, me? Yeah, well, I know where it isn't. The rest was process of elimination you know? I knew it was in the Plural sectors." Greymoran groaned when he heard that. "And I know grey put up an imporbability field around it to protect it, and I know that even with it's improbably drive gone the Heart of Gold still can't travel to sector ZZ-9-Plural-Z Beta. I think you monkeys call it Alpha Centauri. When I couldn't go to the fourth planet in that system, which is a bummer, becuase they had a killer Pan Galatic Gargel Blaster Convetnion planned, I figured it must be there. Wonder what that nutty guy you call Grey did to all those people. Worse, I'm afriad of what he did to the drinks, cause your dumb-dumb replicator doesn't know how to mkae some of that old Janx spirit." Greymoran just looked at him, as if he wasn't sure the man was callous or simply $tupid. He decided that both were true then started to speak again. "Zaphod, can you remember ANYTHING else about the cache?" "Um, hey yeah! He had some ships protecting it. I remember that cause I offered to buy one. Wasn't a nice looking ship, but I liked the name. Brinok I think it was." Zaphod spelled it out, which would've ben insulting except for the fact that no one on the bridge had ever actually had heard the name before so Zaphod spelling it was okay. Greymoran was about to ask keith to look it up, but Keith was already on it. "I'll start by checking the files on the universe the Psychonic Blast came from." If Sorik had been on the birdge he likely would've agreed with the logic of that. Greymoran just noticed for the first time that his Vulcan engineer was missing. He could've sowrn that he'd just been sititng next to Jackson. Jackson saw Greymoran looking at where Sorik had been and turned. "Sir, Sorik's gone!" he shouted. Greymoran frowned. "I noticed that. Computer, locate Commander Sorik." "Commander Sorik is no longer on board." "WHAT?" everyone on the bridge except for Hudzen and Zaphod shouted in unison. "Sir, I think I know what happened," Walker cut in. "I set a course for Alpha Centauri as soon as Mr. Beeblebrox told us wthat's where the cache was." "So?" "And I, well, engaged full impulse, since I figured an hour to go to warp was forthcoming." "And?" "And I think once we exited the nedula we were in when we were in orbit over Magarathea, we could possibly, without my intending to, have ended up in one of these Plural sectors." Cedirc looked nervous for the first time in his life. Getting the ship's chief engineer missing would not look good on his transfer papers when Rita Yeager came off maternity leave and he would need to find a new ship. Greymoran placed his head in his hands. "Great. Somewhere, in this universe, there is a Vulcan, all alone, with no knowledge of how silly this place can get. I just hope he didn't end up at Milliway's. My brother and I ate there once and the illogic of the place nearly blew our minds, and we're wizards!" Keith, who was so wrapped up in his search for 'Brinok' that the whole conversation had completely passed him up, turned around. "Got it sir. Brinok-class Destoryer. Roughly the size of the Archangel, only wider, Cardassian design. A long range patrol cruiser. Equipped with a cloaking device, and a decent array of plasma and phaser cannons, equal to our own armerments, plus it's got the capability launch a signifcant number of remote-controlled, warp powered drone missiles that are exttremely difficult to evade." Greymoran drew in a deep breath. "OK, the good news is, the imporbability field protecting the cache will likely keep Lord Yu out indefiantely. The bad news is, it'll likely do the same to us, and the one person who we could count on to help us in that regard is missing." He threw up his hands in frustration. "I'm open to suggestions people!"

"The Heart of Gold is equipped with a Bad News Drive, Captain," Hudzen replies, "If we were to use it we may be able to find Sorik at the most improbable location that he ever visit."

Would the Psychonic Blast affect Hudzen in any way?

"I doubt it, but unless any of those weapons are placed on actual ships, I doubt we'll have to worry much. I doubt Lord Yu would be able to make them work either." Greymoran turned to Jackson. "Commander, I want you to go with Zaphod. I want you two to take the Heart of Gold and try to find Sorik. We'll wait for you outisde Grey's Improbability Field for as long as possibl;e, but if it looks like Y is going to make it inside, we'll have to go in without you." Jackson nodded, and stood up. "Oh, I want you to take a security officer with you. You can choose or you can have Hudzen recomend one for you, I don't care, but I want someone to be able to keep an eye on Zaphod while you're asleep, if sleep becomes required."

Hudzen can give a few recommendations, but I'll make the final decision. Will these be officers from the Archangel, or from XDCA itself?

"Lt. Saiyetta is a very focused officer. He would be a suitable choice. Or Ensign Teshin. She's a former Peacekeeper from one of the FSUs, very well trained. Or Benfromar," Hudzen seems to almost smile at his last suggestion, "Most beings that I have known normally feel comfortable with a Wookie watching their back."

At this moment, Dr. Ssira entered the bridge, her largeframe blocking the door to the turbolift. Dr. Jackson at first looked a little scared, but quikcly regained his composure. "Captain," she said, "I am afraid there issss nothing in the XDCA archivesss about a treatment or antidote for the Redeemer virusss." Greymoran nodded. "I was afriad of that. Dr. Ssira, are all your meidcal teams standing by?" "Emergency proceduressss are in place, ssir. We can handle any potential casualtiesss." "Good. Doctor, I understand that for a brief time you doubled as the Ops officer on a Gorn ship during the Tholian War?" "Yesss. It was a sssmall ship. We often had to perform multiple tasksss." Gryemoran smiled. "That's good news. Dr. Ssira, I ned you to handle Ops while Commander Dupree is off-ship for a mission. I want you and Dr. Jackson to monitor all the communication networks in this Galaxy. I want to try and get a bead on where the Goa'uld motherships are." Ssira's head lowered almost imperecpitbly, and she blinked. In all the time he'd known her this was only the third he'd seen her do it. This was the Gorn equivalent to a nod of agrement. She moved to the console, and sat in Jackson's chair. It semed uncomfortable, but she refused any offers to have a chair better suited to her brought up from her sickbay.

I would imagine so, Hudzen. I assume that Benfromar has a Universal translator, right? I'm not very good with the Wookie language...

"Your translator can be programmed to his language, or I'm sure Mr. Beeblebrox has a Babel fish onboard the Heart of Gold-"
"Nope," Zaphod pipes up, one of his heads shaking while the other stares intently at the ceiling.
Hudzen continues, "It's just as well. I'm not sure the captain would approve of Babel fish use. If you do choose Benfromar to accompany you, we will modify your translator."

What about the other's you mentioned? What can you tell me about them? Here.. pull them up on the console... I want to look at their files.

Hudzen leans over to hit a few controls, and three faces appear on the screen. The first one is of a human male, most likely in his 30s.
"Lt. Michael Saiyetta from Battlestar Galactica Universe #4. Fought the Cylons for several years before service with the XDCA. He's trained in several forms as hand to hand combat. He is also very skilled with several types of projecticle, energy, and melee weaponry. Veteran of the Grey War, Saiyetta served aboard the Olympia in the Battle of Avalon, as well as several other engagements."

The second face appears to be an attractive, dark eyed, dark haired human female, but her species is listed as Sebacean.
"Ensign Cesha Teshin, former Peackeeper commando and pilot from Farscape Universe #2. She's an ace pilot and very proficient with projectile and energy weapons. She is efficient and deadly in hand to hand, though her smaller stature can be both a strength and a weakness. She was part of the strike force that retook SWU-3 from Grey's forces, along with several other engagements during the war."

Finally, Hudzen comes to the Wookie.
"Benfromar, Wookie male from Star Wars Universe #14. He is over 80 years old and is one of the most combat experienced beings on the ship. He served for years with his home planet's defense force in his native universe before joining the XDCA. Since joining the XDCA, he has participated in numerous operations battling pirates, outlaws, other dimensional criminals, and eventually Grey's forces. He has served on more than 15 ships since joining the XDCA. Being a Wookies, his strength is naturally greater than that of a Terran sized humanoid and he is very skilled at hand to hand. His use of energy weaponry however, as well as other ranged armaments, is not as extensive as my other two recommendations."
Hudzen pauses for a moment.
"If you cannot decide, perhaps Greymoran would allow you to take all three. Though considering the dangers that a non-native starship may encounter in this universe, he may believe the Archangel needs all of the security that it can hold."

I've made my choice... Benfromar. As you said, Hudzen, I'd have a Wookie at my back any day. What he may lack in energy weapon skills, he gains in pure strength.

As Jackson and Zaphod head for the turbolift, Daniel suddenly has an idea. "Wait, do you know if Sorik had any personal belongings on board?" Jackson thinks about it for a second. "I don't know. Vulcan's do tend to keep their quarters sparse, but I suppose I could look. Why?" "Phoebe," Daniel says. "She's a witch, she could try scrying for him. All you'd need is a crystal, something important to Sorik, and a fairly detailed map of the galaxy." He stops, then looks down at the floor as if he's trying to study it. "Of course, you uh, will need to ask her first."

"I will have Benfromar meet you at the airlock. As for locating Commander Sorik...." Hudzen approaches a nearby console and pulls up a map of the HGU Milky Way.
"This is the most detailed map in XDCA records, although Mr. Beeblebrox might have an updated and detailed copy. We also have some types of crystals aboard, though most are not easily accessbile. Would a replicated crystal be sufficient for Ms. Halliwell?"

Daniel shrugs. "I'll go ask her myself." Greymoran nods. "Move quickly Dr. Jackson."

"Phoebe, please. They need our help," Daniel says. Phoebe continues to shake her head. "No, no, no. Dammit Daniel, I can't leave Wyatt behind. He's already lost his mother, his father, and his aunt. You and I are all he has!" "This is a warship honey, and a powerful one at that. Wyatt will be safe with me. We need to find a way past that improbability field before Yu does, or millions, perhaps billions of lives will be at risk. You and your sisters helped us fight Sokar, so you know what the Goa'uld are capable of." Phoebe sighed. She looked at the replicated crystal Daniel had handed her. She tossed it aside. Daniel took in a deep resigned breath. Before he could say that he knew when he was beat, Phoebe reached into her own bag, and pulled out her own crystal, one she'd used for scrying purposes countles times with her sisters. "Do you have anything of his that he loved?" Dnaiel smiled, then shook his head. "He's a Vulcan Phoebs. They don't form emotional attachments." Phoebe thought about this for a moment. "What about the IDIC symbol?" Daniel looked surprised. Phoebe smiled that mischevous smile that Daniel had fallen in love with. "I watched Star Trek as a kid," she said.

Minutes later, the Heart of Gold disconnected from the Archangel, and sped off in the other direction, using the experimental Bad News Drive that Zaphod had stolen for his ship. Keith shook his head in utter astonishment. "I've never seen a ship move so fast without entering hyper or subspace before," he muttered. Daniel re-entered the bridge just in time to see the sleek white ship disappear from the Archangel's long range sensors. "She'll be OK," Greymoran said to the concerned archeologist. "My son is quite capable of handling anything they can come across in this universe." "It's the things from outside this universe that worry me," Daniel replied.

"Do not worry, Doctor. Benfromar is one of my best officers. He and Commander Dupree should provide more than sufficient protection against any potential threats."
Hudzen turns to Greymoran.
"Shall we set a course for Alpha Centauri, Captain?"

Greymoran nods. "Of course. And keep an eye for any Goa'uld ships. Unmodified even a dozen of them wouldn't prove much of a threat to a Starfleet vessel, even one without improvements like ours. But I don't want to taike any chances."

Aboard the Heart of Gold, Zaphod and Jackson are walking down a corridor, followed closey by Benfromar.
Zaphod, have you ever met, or even heard of a Wookie before? One piece of advice. When playing games with a Wookie, it's always best to let the Wookie win. Right, Benfromar?
By the way Benfromar, which Star Wars Universe are you from?

Benfromar chuckles a little before he responds in his language. The UTs and Babel fish translate.
"Only if he wants to keep his limbs. As for your other question, I'm from the 12th universe of my kind encountered by the Agency. The XDCA calls it SWU-12."
The Wookie's eyes fall on Phoebe, walking slightly ahead of him.
"Ms. Halliwell, how will you locate Commander Sorik? Or have you already done so?" he moans.

Phoebe, herself now equipped with a Babel fish smiles. "I have the crystal, I have Sorik's IDIC medalion. All I need is a map of the known galaxy. Just let me and the spirits of my ancestors do the rest." She jogs to catch up with Jackson. "It's not going to be too weird, working with a witch is it?" Jackson almost laughs. "My father's a wizard, my mother was a Pretender, my sister-in-law has wings, I serve aboard a starship that previously only existed in one of my favorite TV shows. Beleive me, it takes a lot to faze me."

Zaphod, where's everybody else?
Phoebe, I've seen a lot more unusual things serving with the XDCA then just a witch. Most XDCA crews these days, and indeed, in it's height, had...shall we say...interesting people serving on board.

Zaphod shrugs. "Well, Tirllian left a while back. Marvin's dead I think which for him is a step-up. Ford and his monkey friend, who knows, and who zarking cares? Nope, it's just me and this ship. Don't really much else to do excpet run from the cops." Phoebe frowns. "Run from the cops? What did you do?" "Stole this shp. It is the reason I became President after all, you know?" Phoebe opened her mouth as if to say something, then closed it again as if she decided that were a better idea. She merely coughed, then wlaked over to the maop, and held the crystal by the end of a chain. The crystal, seemingly of it's own volition, began to twirl.

At that same moment, Daneil Jackson points at the screen in front of him and Ssira. "Wait, wait, what's that?" Ssira leans in. "It appearsss that the computer hasss found tracess of naquadah." Dr. Jackson turns to Greymoran. "Captain,. I think we've found Yu's fleet. Dr. Sssira, can you get a location?" "Sssending information to the helm." Greymoran walks up to Cedirc's console. "That's funny, I read exactly 13 Goa'uld mother ships heading the opposite direction from Alpha Centauri at sublight speed. Wait, now they seem to be turning around. Hudzen, take us to red alert. Mr. Walker, follow those ships." Walker followed the order, then looked at his console. "Man, this naquadah must be impressive stuff if we can detect it from here." No one noticed at that moment a message from XDCA Space Corp being uploaded to the ship's computer.

The lights darken and the ship's klaxons light up as the ship enters Red Alert.
"Shields up, Captain, weapons are ready."
Greymoran nods.
"How long until we catch the Goa'uld?"
"At our current rate, we'll overtake them in 40 minutes," Walker reports.

"They're moving awfully fast for mothersh- wait, they're slowing down. Direction hasn't changed, they don't seem to have noticed us. What the hell is going on?" Walker was getting frustrated. Daniel stroked his chin thoughtfully. "OK, I think I got it. They must've hit the imporbability field, and it knocked them backwards at speeds faster then they could attain if they pushed their hyperdrives to the limit. This is good news/bad news for us." Greymoran didn't need elaboration. "Both news being the same. No one can get in." "Um," Keith said, louder than he really needed to to get everyone's attention. "Maybe we can. I admit my knowledge of probability physics is limited, but maybe if we try, not getting into the improbability field, we can get in." "What do you mean?" Greymoran asked. "Well, I suggest we plot a course THROUGH the field, towards a point on the opposite side, then we do a cold shut down of the warp drive half way through transit." Greymoran shook his head. "No way. A cold shut down could permanently damage the warp drive." Sublight drive would still work. And so would our dimensional portal generator. We could call for help if we needed to, or we could fly back to Avalon for repairs." Greymoran thought about it for a moment. "And we would likely be safe from a Goa'uld offensive inside the field. And I don't think an Imporbability drive is required to LEAVE a field. We can get as much of Grey's cahce on board as we possibly can fit, destory the rest, then get out." "Uh guys," Wlaker cut in. "What about the Cardassian cruisers Zaphod said are defending the place. With warp drive gone, we'd lose pulse phasers and quantum torpedos. Our antimatter torpedo launcher is rear-facing only, and we only have one standard phaser strip, and it only shoots dead ahead from under the deflector dish. If these drones are half as nasty as they sound, we'd be slightly moving ducks, which is only slightly better than the alternative." Greymoran nodded. "He's right Keith. And we couldn't try it cloaked beucase the cloak would drop once the warp drive went off-line too. We're going to have to hope Lord Yu doesn't figure out a way around it before we can get Sorik back. But keep trying Mr. yeager. It wasn't a bad idea per se. Just not plausible."

"Actually, Lieutenant, the Archangel also has a dorsal phaser strip," Hudzen corrects, "But I concur with your logic. Getting past that field will be difficult. However, if Grey had a way, we can find it."

"Grey probably had a ship with an Improbability drive. Excluding the herat of Gold there have been six ships in this universe with an ID. They use them to meet the 'ruler of the universe.' I haven't met him personally, but I hear he's not completely there." "That would explain a lot," Daniel cut in. "We've been getting in some the galaxy's equivalent to TV stations, and it's pretty much fluff news and bad music videos." Keith raised an eyebrow. "And that would be different from 21st century Earth, how?"

Meanwhile, aboard the Heart of Gold...
How are you doing, Phoebe, any luck?
Benfromar, being in security yourself, what do you think of redshirts, instant and otherwise? The captain doesn't seem to like them... to him, they're a waste of a good life.

Phoebe shot the Commander an unfriendly look. "Don't rush the witch," she said. Suddenly, the crystal stopped spinning and landed on a small dot on the map. "Bingo. Found him. According to this map he's on a planet called Frog Star." Zaphod dropped his drinks when he heard that. "Oh belgium," he muttered. "We need to get there fast before your Vulcan friend meets the TPV." Jackson looked concerned, but Phoebe and Benfromar didn't seem to get it. Jackson saw the look and told them. "The Total Perspective Vortex." Zaphod suddenly stopped. "Mow wait a zarking minute. Didn't I eat the fuel for that thing? Hell, we don't need to hurry after all! It'll just be Sorik and that disembodied voice with all the serious issues."

"We are on our way, nonetheless, correct?" Benfromar grunts.
"Yeah, yeah, you oversized ape, we're going."
Benfromar gives an ominous snarl to Zaphod, and a concerned expression crosses one of Zaphod's heads. After shooting the ex-president another threatening look, he turns to Jackson.

"I believe that we have enough security officers, Commander. I do not believe that it is necessary to create beings for suicide missions. That is why we build droids. The people I work with frequently put themselves into harm's way by doing their jobs. They are as close to "redshirts" as we will ever need."

Zaphod, like I said earlier, it's not a good thing to get on the bad side of a Wookie. Of course, if dislocated limbs and internal bleeding and things like that are your thing, then go right ahead.
I also noticed that you somehow managed to make the doors stop being so happy. I think we can all appreciate that.
Now, as for Sorik and his current location, I think it would be quite entertaining to see a conversation between a disembodied voice and logical being like a Vulcan.
By the way Phoebe, how did you and Dr. Jackson get together in the first place? Just being curious, of course.

Phoebe harumphed. "Long story short, he was there for me when my ex-huisband became a demon. He understood me better than most because his wife, and later his college girlfriend, had been taken over by a Goa'uld. I guess it was just fate, and who am I to argue with destiny? I'm a Charmed One after all."

Benfromar leans over the console near Phoebe, quietly grunting.
"The Commander is quite a talker, is he not?"

"Yeah, but I've met worse. Like some Wicca practioners who shall remain nameles. Oh if only they knew what being a witch is really like."

"It appears, Commander, that we'll get to see Sorik's conversation with the disembodied voice in about half an hour," Benfromar grumbles.
"Do you believe that Commander Sorik will need any special assistance when we get to him?"

Well, if the Total Perspective Vortex were still active, he'd need a straight jacket. But since Zaphod consumed it's fuel, one standard fairy cake, I believe, then he should be alright.
Zaphod, would there be any way to get more fairy cake?
Phoebe, have you ever met any witches from some of the other universes? Willow from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer universe, Sabrina from her own universe....?

Phoebe laughed. "Oh God no. I hate those shows. Well, Buffy wasn't too bad I guess. I really liked Whedon's other show, Firefly, a lot better. Shame it was cancelled." Zaphod, who had fallen asleep in his captian's chair (as he called it, since all the chairs on the ship were exactly the same), woke up when he heard Jakcson mentionf airy cakes. "Fairy cakes? Where? I'm starvin'!"

On the Archangel, silence reigned. Nobody said anythign about anything to anyone. Daniel and Ssira kept an eyeout for communications coming from the Goa'uld ships. Cedric was concentrating on keeping on the ships' tails without being seen. Greymoran watched all this from the captain's chair, while Keith decided to write a letter to his wife. Greymoran finally broke the silence. "You know, personally I'd hoped we'd have a chance to help the Callahanians," he said. Everyone on the bridge except for Keith looked completely confused. keith himself looked only partially confused, beucase he'd heard of the Callahnain Army of Light before, thouhg he didn't understand why Greymoran had brought them up. "Why did you bring them up sir? The last I heard of the CAoL was when they didn't receive our call for help during the Grey War." Greymoran looked at Keith. "Oh, I didn't eman to say that out loud. Well, you see the Callahanians are dealing with a serious crisis right now. Apparently their Earth is being encroahced upon by several very nasty universes. If the rumours are true the Empire from an SWU we haven't explored yet has taken over Africa. Or was it Asia?" Greymoran shook his head. "So far the XDCA has decided not to get involved.They're afraid of another war. Still, something had to break down the barriers of the CAoL world and I'd like to know what it is, in case it decides to come after us."

The Revanche immediately cloaked after entering SWU3. Catherine Willows stepped up to Martin Durgin. As per the cpatain's suggestion she was now dressed in attire that would allow her to fit in in this universe, without being noticed by anyone. She found the outfit oddly comfortable, but wished the vest she was wearing wasn't the color of human blood. "OK, acording to your ship's map of this universe, the source of the code that hacked our system can be traced to the Outer Rim. Unfortunately that was as narrow as we could get the search before we lost it." Durgin nodded, then turned to Derisa Alex, the Revanche's new first oficer. "Derisa, from a tactical standpoint, what do you suggest?" "Honestly sir? We should scrap this pointless mission and join up with one of the task forces looking for the ships and people loyal to Jake Grey that got away from us in the war." Cathering would've been offended, but she admired the young woman's spunk. "I don't really balme you, Ms. Alex," she said. "But my orders come direct from the President." Derisa lowered her head and frowned. "That's cause Captain Redding has a curhs on you," she muttered under her breath. Only Haer'Dalis heard her, but he decided not to comment. Catherine Willows looked at Derisa intensly. "What was that Commander?" Derisa looked up and faked a smile. "Nothing Agent Willows." Durgin stomped down his artifical leg to the deck. The loud clang brought the entire bridge crew's attention to him. "Back to the matter hand, please? Derisa, I'd like a real suggestion this time." "Whoever busted in to our computers on Avalon had to have a dimensional communicator, or maybe even a small portal generator, small enough to send a signal through, but not big enough to be noticed by our satellites. Since the sats in this universe are up and runnign again, I suggest we check them anyway in case whoever manned that generator got sloppy. Then, we head out to the rim and do a logn range sensor sweep for any metals and/or minerals not native to this universe. We go solar system by solar system if we have to." Catheirne had to admit, it was better than any plan she could come up, so when Captain Durgin turned to her to silently ask for approval of the plan, the temporary Agent nodded. "Works for me," she said.

Relax Zaphod, I was just wondering if more fairy cake could be found to power the TPV.
Time to Frogstar?

"We should be there about three seconds ago. And we were there three seconds ago, I just forgot to stop. Hold on. I hope that voice didn't drive your Vulcan friend mad. The only reason I could stand it was cause Iw as too zarking hungry to think about what he was saying. I imagine the sepeartion from his body must be a full blown divorce by now eh? I'd love to see the transcripts of those proceedings. OK, we'll be landing in just a few seconds. Preapre yourselves gentleman and lady. You're about to land on the most boring rock in the galaxy."

"I think Commander Sorik can handle himself well. Even against disembodied voices. It takes a lot to crack a Vulcan's mental strength."
As Benfromar speaks, the ship shakes a little as it touches down.
"So, we're landed then?"

"Yep. Be on the lookout for robots bearing biscuits and lemon soaked napkins."

"Let's get going then." Benfromar grabs his rifle and walks to Zaphod.
"You should lead since you know the location of this Vortex or voice or whatever it is we're trying to find. Wherever it was you said Commander Sorik would probably be."

Jackson taps his comm badge and speaks.
Commander Dupree to Commander Sorik, can you hear me?
Benfromar, do you have a tricorder on you?

The Wookie shakes his head.
"No, I didn't bring one. Don't you have scanning equipment built into your suit? If you do, we could use it to find him."

Good idea, and yes I do.
Jackson steps away from the ship and begins looking around.
There he is. His biosign is a bit weak, but that's because he's at the edge of my sensors. It looks like it's coming from one of those ships over there...
Benfromar, if you see any robots trying to offer us lemon soaked napkins, shoot them.

Benfromar thrusts his rifle over his shoulder, looking into the distance.
"Right."

Jackson presses a button on his gauntlet, and a small device shoots upwards.
Micro Camera. Good for air survelance. Ok.. I see him. It looks like he might be talking to somebody, but I don't see anybody else around...
Follow me, we're getting close.

"OK, we're there. The Alpha Centauri system. Lord Yu's ships are just sitting there. I don't think they've noticed us. All their sensors seem to be fully focused on the field. We could be right on to of them and no one would notice unless they looked out a viewport," Cedric says. Greymoran nods. "OK, we can't wait for Sorik any longer. We have to get in there. We're going to have to try Keith's idea. Keith, get down to engineering and help them with the specifics. Keep in touch with Mr. Walker." Greymoran taps a button on the arm console of his chair. "All hands. We are about to prepare a dangerous warp maneuever. Makes sure anything potnetially hazardous to the crew or the ship is securely fastened to the floor or bulkhead. And position yourselves as you would when orderd to brace for impact."

Several reports scroll across Hudzen's console, coming from all departments on the ship.

"Captain, all the crew are acknolwedging your orders. Hazardous materials are being secured. All crew, and passengers," Hudzen says the last part of the sentence to Daniel more than anyone else, "are ready for any turbulence the ship may encounter."

Greymoran nods. "OK. Mr. Walker, do it."

Benfromar looks off into the distance, but can't yet see the Vulcan whom they are trying to find.

"How much further is he, Commander?"

Zaphod's heads look around. "Well, I guess it's a good sign we're not hearing any screaming."

He should be around here somewhere, Benfromar.
Jackson is correct, for as soon as they go around an ancient building, the spot Sorik, walking about and appearently speaking to somebody.
Commander Sorik!

The Archange; shudders violently as it coems to a very abrupt halt. Everyone and everything not secured falls down, incoluding Daniel Jackson. "Mr. Walker, did it work?" Cedric Walker groaned. "No. In fact it just popped us back where we were, except now Lord Yu knows we're here and he's targeting us. He has phasers on his ships sir. We're outnumbered, and he can hurt us."

Greymoran groaned. "Dammit! Shields up, weapons hot. Dr. Jackson, what can we expect from Lord Yu?" Daniel jackson coguhs. "Well, assuming he uses phasers the same way you do, you'll know what to epxect in terms of damage, but if he's managed to hook them up a naqudah generator, it'll increse their destructive power ten-fold. The good news with that is it'll likley burn the waepons out after one shot. The bad news is if it hits us we won't be alive to appreciate that advantage." "Great, just great," greymoran says. But a mere second later his eyes light up. "I've got an idea. Mr. Walker, I'm sending coordinates to your console. Take us there maximum warp on my mark. Hudzen, I want you to target the nearest Goa'uld ship with a full spread of quantum torpedoes. Fire at will."

"With pleasure, Captain." Hudzen works the controls and immediately, several large, destructive glowing torpedoes are flying away from the Archangel toward the enemy vessels.

Still on their way to meet Sorik, Benfromar takes in the ambient environment.

"Pretty desolate place," he moans, "The sooner we get out of here, the better."
Off in the distance, the Wookie spots something

"Commander, is there anything about those birds over there that seems odd to you?"

Jackson looks at the birds that Benfromar indicates. He then pulls out a PADD from a compartment in his suit and begins playing with it.
It's the latest Hitchhiker's Guide... combines local technology with that from other dimensions. It gets a signal from a beacon and configures itself for the local universe... Ah, here we go.
In this universe, this was the planet that had an overabundance of shoes. The descendents of it's population evolved into birds... the very birds you pointed out. If we're lucky, we might even be able to locate a giant statue of some sort...

"A statue. That's good, I guess. Right now I'd just settle with meeting up with Commander Sorik," Benfromar says, "It feels like this walk is taking quite a while."

Sorik was simply standing there, looking up, when Jackson slapped a hand on his shoulder. "Sorik! I'm so glad we found you we need your he-" Jackson didn't get to finish the word help, beucase just as he was starting to say it, he looked up to see the massive statue seemingly suspended in mid-air. Phoebe and Benformar looked up. Phoebe gasped. Benformar shook his head. Zaphod started getting drunk. Phoebe stepped forward. "What, what is holding that thing up?" Jackson looked down, and consulted his padd. "Art," he said. "C'mon let's get Sorik out of here. If he keeps trying to wrap his logical mind around that statue he's going to flame out on us," he added.

As the Archangel prepares to execute the manuever, Hudzen's console beeps.

"Captain, we're receiving a transmission from the Heart of Gold. It seems that they have recovered Sorik. And we also have a message from XDCA HQ. It looks like we received it several hours ago."

Greymoran shakes his head. "Gods I hate this universe," he mutters. To Hudzen he says. "Open fire, now!"

"Aye Captain." The push of a button later and several bright white destructive orbs are flying at the Goa'uld ships.

THe torpedoe strike the shields of the pyramid shape vessel. The fist few torps explode harmelssly as an orange glow engulfs the entire ship. "Fire phasers," Greymoran yells, realizing that, while enhanced, the shields of these Goa'uld ships were no different than any normal one. Hudzen fires, and the sheilds start to flicker. Daniel jackson realizes what's happeneing quickly. "Of coruse, all their shield energy is going to where it's getting hit. If we hit hard and fast enough we can cause a burn out!" The Archangel suddenly shudders violently, and everyone on the bridge except for Ssira are thrown against the wall. Dnaiel jackson and Cedric Walker hit their heads and fall to the deck unconscious. "Shieldsss hit," Ssira shouts. "Naquada enhanced phasssser. One shot took out our shieldssss. Beginning evassive manueverssss."

"That shot burned out the Goa'uld ship's weaponry," Hudzen reports, "but that won't stop the remaing motherships from using theirs."

Meanwhile, across space, the Heart of Gold is on its way back to the Archangel. On the ship's bridge, Jackson and Benfromar are looking at a console with a look of concern on their faces.
"They're definitely under attack," Jackson says before turning to Zaphod, "Can't this thing go any faster?"

"Huh? You're kidding right? Does this look like a Bistromath drive to you?"

I thought this thing had an Improbablity Drive! If done right, we should be there in seconds.

Zaphod shook his head. "No dumb-dumb, those nasty robots took it. Something about a golden pillar, I wasn't really paying attention, but if Marvin or Trillian were here they could tell you, leaving me more time to get drunk, which I think we all agree is crucial to the sucess of the mission." Phoebe groaned. "I just decided I don't like you Zaphod."

"Welcome to our organization," Benfromar says to Phoebe. Both she and Jackson give him strange looks.
"It is a human expression, I'm sure I have heard it used."

That's right, we have a Bad News Drive! If we sent out a report that many of us didn't come back, would that provide enough bad news to make us go faster?

"The fact that our ship is being pounded and our comrades are in danger isn't bad news enough?"

One of Zaphod's heads lets out a loud belch while the second lights up. "Hey yeah, I forgot about the Bad News Drive. Not as fast as Improbability or a Bistromath, but it's •••• fast. Ship, you're about to die!" At that, the ship leaps into hyperspace so quickly everyone on the ship is knocked onto their bottoms. Benfromar is the first to stand up, and he sees the Arhcangel take a crippling hit to it's impulse engines from one of the Goa'uld motherships.

"Sweet jesus, that hit only grazed us and it took out our impulse drive!" Keith Yeager shouted. Greymoran grunted angrily. "Hudzen, report on the other motherships." "The damaged one is making a run for the improbability field. Two others are escorting it. I think the one we hit may have been Lord Yu's. The others are firing at us, seemingly at random. I don't think they have very accurate targetting systems. otherwise We'd be dead by now."

"One of the Goa'uld motherships is turning around, coming straight for us," Zaphod says. "Nice looking ships. I should try to steal one if I ever get the chance."

"I would suggest doing something with this ship of yours before the Goa'uld get in range," Benfromar growls to Zaphod, "And running is not an option. Try it and I break your neck. Both of them.'

"Hey man, I'm all for this bravery stuff, but, belgium man, I've got no weapons! This ship was designed for, well, I'm not sure what it was designed for actually beyond the improbability drive that it no longer has, but combat wasn't it, okay? Negative a million for bad thinking eh?" Phoebe coughed. "Well, I did see this movie where one ship flew relaly close between other ships and tricked them into shooting at each other."

Sounds like half a dozen different movies, actually. Another good trick is getting between two shooters and getting them to shoot each other.
Anyway... Get the Archangel on the comm.

"We've managed to avoid taking another hit, and one of the motherships just suffered a catastrophic overload in their weapons. It's dead in space. But I can't fire off a clean shot, at least not one that can actually do anything," Keith said from Cedric's console while Greymoran applied emergnecy first aid to Cedric and Dr. Jackson. "Sir," Hudzen said, "We're being hailed. it's the Heart of Gold." "Greymoran to Commander Dupree. Tell you've found Sorik and tell me he knows a way around that improbability field. If we can get in there we'll be protected."

Jackson to Greymoran, we do have Sorik, and we're trying to see if he knows. When we found him, he was trying to wrap his mind around a mind bending piece of art.
Sorik, do you know how to get around the improbablity field?

"I certainly hope that Commander Sorik has a way around that field," Hudzen says, "Another hit from those weapons will destroy us. Even a graze will likely cripple the Archangel. And at the distance we have kept, I have been unable to deal much damage to the Goa'uld"

In his office, the Evil Executive is reading the current ratings.

What!!?! Archangel was the LOWEST rated show in history? Even worse than anything on UPN????

MARGARET!!!!!! Get me every other executive in town on a conference call. Hello, gentlemen? EE here. I'm going to fire the entire Archangel staff, you don't to hire them. They produced the lowest rated show in history. None of them will ever work in this town again!

Meanwhile on the Archangel

Lt. Cmdr. Sorik: Captain, I've figured out a way to breach the improbabil-...

but before he can finish the sentence, he is interrupted.

CUT!!!

Sorik: Huh?

Evil Executive: You're all fired, do you hear me? FIRED!!!!

The show's director is confused

Director: Huh?

The EE snaps at that and pulls out a gun

NONE OF YOU WILL EVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN!!!!!

and with that, he starts shooting everyone and everything on the set.


[Three months later]
Inside a courtroom

Judge: Has the jury reached a verdict?

Jury Foreman: Yes, Your Honor. We, the jury, find the Evil Executive not guilty due to incredibly low ratings.

The EE walks out of the courtroom, and back to the K-NIT studio. He sits down at his desk, and reads a proposal on it.

Hmmm... "Survivor: Dungeon, Dragon, Demon, Damsel & Smith". Sounds interesting. A Reality Show. A sure ratings winner!

Fade to black

Just so you'll know, Brian had asked me to make the *final* post on Archangel.

Shouldn't that last post have been on the discu---

gets cut off as Archangel shuts down