Space-ahh, the final fronteir-ahh
These are the voyages-ahh of the Spidership-ahh.
It's everlasting mission-ahh,
To find new taco recepies-ahh,
To beat up really bad villians-ah,
And to use Lance's fortune to hire an army of gormet chefs to make flavors never before tasted-ahh.

Zorro as Tacoman.
Whooosh

Qui-gon Jinn as Adon

Whoosh

Welsh guy as Milkshake

Whoosh

Special Guest Star
Lord Furby, as Furby

and the rest.

Not yet! The last board's only 90k!

(A small insect crawls in)
(holomessage is directed.)

"Greatings Captian Tacoman, Commander Milkshake and others. This is Furher Ubermensch. I have surrounded your captors fortess, with the finest troops of the Fatherlands. They are ready to make a pit and the pendulum style attack and liberate you at your command. I await your discion." Ubermensch out.

I say we a-let Ubler save the dai, Tackerman. We be a-needin' a doox masheener, oi think.

I'm on strike until this idiotic, retarded & just plain d.amn s.tupid Ebonics Plague thing is dropped!

I'm beginning to think Jon is possessed by or being controlled by Brian Webber!

Touchy touchy!

Geez, what's wrong with being a little Politically Incorrect every once in awhile?

As for Jon being brainwashed, great minds think alike. :-)

USE THE **** DISCUSSION BOARD, BRIANS!!!!!!!

And Tacoman also used a very shocking insult at the end of the last board.

Kiehart beamed aboard the Spidership III, to find it mostly empty except for the various shirts. "Ensign Lopez, give me a statrus report." He shook his head. "I'm sorry sir, but we lost touch with the groups. I fear they may have been captured." Kiehart groaned. "Oh great. I guess I'd better try and resuce them. Meanwhile, get this ship out of the ocean. Go to this planet here." He enters coordinates in the computer. "Talk to Empress F'Lecheta. I helped her out a little while ago. She'll keep you safe until we've dealt with TerrSec."

Hello, Kiehart. Stop looking at Ensign Lopez for a more than adequate time.

Ensign Lopez is a man goof ball! He shook his head. came after Kiehart asked for status.

(A man in Black walks in, with two Terrasec Class-4 Warobots )

Ah, the Legion of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions. We know much about you, for we watch all the threats to planet Earth. I have come for interrogation. Who shall we begin with? Tacoman, We've been watching you for over four hundred years. I've always wanted to torture a man who can never die. Or how about Donna, we know more about you than you know about yourself. Milkshake, without your armour, you are another redshirt. I'll give you some time to decides who goes first.

Did I forget to indroduce my friends? The Class-4 Warbots are amoung the most dangerous of creations, they are very capable of finishing LICC for good. Make your choice.

Unknown to the rest of the group, Tacoman is still wearing his cybersuit. Before the mission, he activated the suit's hologrid in order to disguise it. Unfortunatly, it seems to be running low on power, and bits of the suit can be seen through the disguise. He deactivates the hologrid around his wrist communicator, types in the approiate commands, and in a moment of non-ebonic clarity yells
I SUMMON IRON C.H.E.F!

(Interrogating Milkshake)

Mr. Milkshake. Many of our good soldiers have faced quick and brutal deaths at the hands of polymorph weaponry.

(Torturedroid lowers a strange gun)

This is a specially modulated polymorph rifle. As you know, polymorph theory is founded on three principles, enthropy, chaos, and rematerialization. The process takes about 30 seconds at most. This gun is special. It takes days to complete, and has no rematerialization. It makes a wonderful torture tool, as the victim's atoms slowly reorganize into a puddle of slime. How fitting mister Milkshake.

(Fires the weapon, Milkshake lets out a scream of pain.)

Very good. I'm sure someone can find a way to fix you. Now, tell me, what are the Spidership's access codes.

gasp...gasp...

The torturedroid fires again

AAH! All right! They're...

looks at Tacoman and Jimlad, then back at thge Interrogator

Alpha Alpha Beta BITE ME!

The Interrogator looks annoyed now. He instructs the torturedroid to fire again. It does, and this time, the purple beam impacts Milkshake without effect. A strange white glow envelops the Commander, and suddenly the polymorphed parts of his body are returned to normal! Milkshake and the Interrogator are astonished.

What?!?

"What!?!"

Tacoman presses another series of buttons on his wrist gauntlet and another change takes place. He is now wearing a long, flowing coat, a goatee, and is bald. He presses another button, and the theme from "Shaft" plays, only this time tailored for Tacoman. It is sung by the Bad Singers.

Who's the hero, cape unfurled
whose protector to all the world?

(Taco!)

You're dang right!
Who is the man
who can rap and we don't mean Saran?

(Taco!)

Dig it, you can?
Who's the cat who didn't RUN AWAY
when his ship crashed on New Year's Day?

(Taco!)

Right on!
You see this Taco is a bad superhe-

(Shut yo mouth!)

But I'm talkin' about Taco.

(Dig it we can!)

He's a complicated guy
he takes his ship up into the sky...

(Taco Shaft!)

YAAAAAAYYYYYY TACO SHAFT!

Tacoman walks over to the torturedroid with the polymorph rifle. When he speaks, his voice is unusually deep
Now, are you going to release my friends, or will I have to get rough?
At the word "rough", Tacoman cracks his knuckles. The noise is very loud and intimidating

I almost wonder if Jon IS or knows Bad Singers...nah!

After Tacoman yells "I SUMMON IRON C.H.E.F., there is the sound of a gong ringing. A few seconds later, five figures transport in. It is Lt. Kaga, along with Ensigns Morimoto, Sakai, Kobe, and Chen. They are wearing gear and armor that makes them resemble cyborgs. Kaga's armor has a fancy cape, and he is holding a hand grenade that resembles a large yellow bell pepper, while Sakai is holding one that resembles a yellow pear and Kobe's grenade resembles a red tomato. Chen is holding a large, nasty looking meat cleaver with a serrated blade. Morimoto, however, is not holding a weapon. But his silver and red armor (with American flag design on the back is slightly heavier than the others'.

Kaga steps forward to speak to Tacoman, who tells him what's going on. Kaga looks at the Iron Che....Ensigns.

Ensigns, the theme ingredient is....TerrSec hide!

He looks around.

Rocket Ranger implemented the Iron Cybernetic. Human. Enhanced. Force. project before he left, but never told us until he sent Wayne and Kent a message recently. What are your orders, Captain? *

* This takes place right before the captain becomes Tacoshaft.

Tacoshaft pulls out what looks like a couple of bananas. They are actually disguised laser weapons. He points them at the the torturedroids and says
Let's get 'em!
Tacoshaft, in a sudden move, runs towards the nearest wall, climbs up it, and ends up on the ceiling, right above the torture droids, his weapons still aimed at them, ready to fire

One by one, the torturedroids, then the Interrogator, blow apart in separate firey explosions. A hooded figure stands in the door. An old man, imposing with a white beard.

They call me....Tim. I, too have been imprisoned here. I will help thee on thy quest.

Jimlad begins to laugh derisively at the Sorceror, who then mildly explodes him with a point of his finger.

"Har har, arrgh!"

We see a familiar blue and silver clad hero with a pizza slice cape cleaning the floors. It is Jadlad.

Razfrazen!! Darn it! This is the last time I switch janitor duties with Hardin for a day so I can get more holodeck time. Oh cruel fates what do you have in store for me?

One of the cruel fates appears next to him and says....
That would be telling. Muwahahahahahahahaha!!!!
The cruel fate disappears.

Hrumph! Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed!

Lieutenant, good you are here. We lost contact with the Away Teams 29.7 minutes ago. Base shields activated just before loss of contact. As per orders, I was preparing to take the ship to a safe location. Ensign Tembar is currently Helm Officer. It would be prudent if you would take command as Acting Captain, while I control bridge functions from the computer.

Lavender waveform collapses...

I have absolutely no idea where I've been. Par for the course I guess.

Jadlad, you're running the show? Where is everyone? Even though I technically outrank you, you're better suited to command. I'll take sciences and tactical. Ansh should keep the helm and nav (I'd be lousy at either ... the nature of the beast). What's our situation, Sir?

Kent, who is on the bridge, looks around.

Since when is Ansh in charge of the helm? Tacoman put me in charge of it before they left on the away mission! (He pauses and smiles.) Ah, never mind. I doubt if anything's going to happen, and I could use a break, anyway!

One of the Torturedroids, apparently the only one that avoided Tim's explosions, moves in and attempts to attack Lt. Kaga, but he dodges it easily. Focused on attacking Kaga, the Torturedroid does not see Ensign Morimoto raise his arms and fire a burst of Cola at its face, followed by a huge barrage of Natto (sticky, fermented Soybeans, for the uniformed), which stick to its face and block its visual sensors. While it tries to wipe its face, Ensign Chen moves closer and decapitates it with one swipe of his serrated meat cleaver (which is almost the size of a machete).

Lt. Kaga: That was too easy!

Suddenly, the door bursts open and four TerrSec guards, armed with rifles, appear.

Ensign Morimoto: I believe you spoke too soon, Lieutenant.

Kaga, Sakai and Kobe look at each other, then throw their grenades at the guards. Kaga's Yellow Bell Pepper Grenade explodes in the face of one of the guards and releases a cloud of stinging, sneeze-inducing pepper-gas, which expands and engulfs all four guards' heads. Kobe's Tomato Grenade explodes and douses the guards with a mix of tomato juice and a fast-acting acid. Sakai's Pear Grenade explodes like a normal grenade, doing massive damage to the guards, who fall dead.

Ensign Sakai: Maybe not. Lets see if there are any more of these guards around.

Tacoman leaps down from the ceiling, shakes his head, and presses a number of buttons on his gauntlet. His image returns to his normal self
Wow... I'm feeling a lot better... That virus must have been temporary... Butrfli, how are you feeling?
Butrfi: I'm feeling... a whole lot better too...
Ok.. Milkshake, when they brought you here, could they have transported you? Also, show me what you found before they caught you.

Suddenly, the Red Alert klakzons go off! Something has managed to penetrage the sheilds as it sits at rest and is crawling across the the hull, absorbing the armored plates as if they were some kind of liquid nutrients. Normal sensors show only long humping patches of nothing, but visuals reveal a mass of neon-colored, metallic-skinned Space Catepillars!

"Warning! Hull breach on Decks 7, 4, 3! Intruder alert! Intruder alert!"

Colanator, could you help me? Quito's hiding under the helm consol and I can't get her out!

Load up thar cannons and hoist thar Jolly Roger! We're a-comin', by thunner!

Aarh, shiver me timbers, I cannot go on in this sorry state. I have but one leg. Call the ship to bring me back, change me t' the man I was afore.

And besides, I like not this sorcerer.

I think they did transport us. This doesn't look like the O'kakian base. I think we're in TerrSec headquarters in Byzantium.

Anyway, the Equipment in the undersea base is actually a stellar event generator. It can create anything from wormholes to stars, black holes to quasars. It's immensely powerful, and immensely dangerous.

Jimlad, you have a wooden leg, it's over there. Tim must've knocked it off. Here.

Milkshake brings over the wooden leg, which strangely has the name "Smith" engraved on it. He helps Jimlad strap on the leg.

Now, might I suggest we get out of here? Tim, can you blast open walls and things?

Certainly.

Colanator morphs into the helm console, which begins to change as well. It flattens itself enough to allow Ansh to scoop Quito off the floor, then re-aligns itself.

I shall remain inside the bridge computer to control unmanned bridge stations. I detected several transporter beams emanating from the base shortly after loss of contact. I believe the destination was somewhere in Eurasia, but we must get close to pinpoint the target zone.

Make it so.

Aarh, thank ye for that, Milkshaker.

Computer, seal decks 7, 4 and 3. Security report to decks 7, 4 and 3 on the double. Kent, rotate shield frequencies and see if that gets those things off the hull of the ship.

Tacoman walks over to a nearby computer console, presses a few buttons, and then plugs his suit into the computer itself. After a few moments, he unplugs and looks over at Milkshake
Ok.. it looks like your suit is still in the transporter buffer...
Perhaps we should find the transporters, get back to the base, and destroy the generator.

Rikard lies unconscious on the deck of one of the TerrSec base's many rooms. Suddenly, he is pulled up and jerked awake by something. He slowly opens his eyes to see the face of a very big TerrSec guard. Three more stand behind him.
Guard #1: Well, well, look what we have here, another one of the LICC. What should we do with him Myers?
Guard #2: They've given us enough trouble, let's kill him.
Rikard: Why don't you guys just let me go? I promise to be good.
Guard #1: No, killing you sounds more fun. i{He shoves the barrel of a gun into Rikard's face}
Rikard: Have it you way
i{The guard is suddenly thrown back into the second guard by an invisible force. The other two guards bring up their weapons and fire as Rikard dives behind a console conveniently near him. He pulls out his phaser/blaster weapon and returns fire, hitting one of the guards. By then, all three are firing at him. He spots his lightsaber. It flies into his hand and he activates it.}
Time to see if the training has paid off.
He stands and a flurry of blaster bolts come toward him. Most hit off his lightsaber and bounce back hitting two of the guards. The last guard, the one who had rudely waken Rikard up, dives into cover and pulls out a small electronic device.
Guard #1: Let's see how you like this.
He pushes a button and a large door to Rikard's right opens. Behind it, a HUGE spider-shaped battle droid comes to life.
Rikard: You have got to be kidding
The droid opens fire.

Meanwhile, back at the TerrSec underwater base, Adon's away team has gone stealthy--at least, as much as is possible after blowing away a set of blast doors and multiple guards.

That is, running like mad and ducking out of the way anytime a group of guards goes thundering by on the search.

The group is pressed into a tiny side corridor leading to someone's private suite when Artsy returns from a speedy reconnasiance. She is trembling between the pale gold of excitment and a silvery cream that blends better with the corridor walls, and makes her report, panting slightly. "I can't find any trace of our other teams, but there's a room about 200 meters to our right that looks darn interesting. It might have what we're looking for."

Kent works some controls, then looks at AC Jadlad.

Shield frequencies rotating, sir. May I offer some advice? I encountered a problem similar to the situation we have now during a mission about 3 years ago. We managed to knock the attackers off by using defensive maneuver pattern 23, followed by a triple Immelman roll.

Ansh, Let Kent give it a try since he's done it before. We got nothing to lose.

When he's done Ansh, I want you to take us closer so Colanator can pinpoint the target zone. Is Quito okay?

Colanator, let me know the moment you find anything that might tell us where the away teams are.

Stay alert everyone.

Jadlad taps his com badge.

=/\=Security, have you found signs of any intruders?=/\=

Kent takes over the helm.

Okay, get ready. Colanator, I advise blasting the Space Caterpillars as soon as we shake free of them. They're relentless and will try to attach themselves again, if we don't. Just don't use the Polymorph Rifle or the Helix Missiles.

Kent implements defensive maneuver 23 (yes, its different than evasive maneuver 23) flawlessly, shaking off a couple of the monsters. He then does a triple Immelman roll, which shakes off the rest of the beasts. He then looks up at Ansh and AC Jadlad, smiling.

There ya are! (He stands up, then motions toward the seat.) Its all yours, Ansh! What do you want me to do now, Captain? Should I man another console?

Colanator, since you're manning weapons. Quantum Torpedoes, attack pattern Theta!

And someone start filling in Quantum Man on what has been going on lately.

Kent, I want you to take over Ops.

I'm on it, like white on rice! Or, if you prefer, miso on beef!

Kent moves over to Ops. He looks at the console, then looks at Ansh.

By the way, you may want to adjust our heading by 36.38 degrees starboard in about 3 minutes.

Admiral Starkvarn is sitting in his office, when three TerrSec guards walk in.

Guard #1:Sir, the prisoners have...He looks at the Admiral, and is horrified. He raises his rifle and aims it right at the Admiral's forehead! The other guards do the same exact thing. How did you get in here?! And what did you do with the Admiral! Speak up, drone, before my bullet assimilates your brain! We don't take X-CwX as prisoners around here!

Suddenly, the Admiral hears Ojanon's voice in his mind.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! I hope you enjoy my present, Admiral. I estimate you have about fifteen, maybe sixteen, seconds to live. Oh, if you somehow manage to get out of this predicament, you may want to order the release of the TerrSec officer stuck in your transporter buffers. He's probably not enjoying the experience!

Kiehart awakens to find himself asleep in the transporter room. The transporter technician looks at him with concern. "Sir?" "Wha-what happened?" "You seemed to go into a trance sir. You were on your way to rescue the Captain, who's returned by the way, and you just seemed to stop." "Why didn't you call the HoloDoc?" "I tried. I couldn't get through." The technician looks at Kiehart oddly. "Sir, who is Logan Newcastle?" Kiehart frowns. "Who?" "I heard you mutter that name during your, um, pause sir. I heard you say 'I'm Logan newcastle.' And something about, Yanks and Canucks ruining the empire?" Kiehart closes his eyes and shakes his head. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I should see the Doc about this. I hope it's not another repressed memory."

Warobots attack!
(Interrogater leaves)

Warobot-Mandroid: (Uses extendo arm-punch fist, denting Ensign Morimoto into a conveintly placed wall) Now I shall use my transforming ability. (Becomes a Food Dehydrater)

Spiderobot: I will transform! (Transform into a car) Hah! hah! hah! Now I shall hit Milkshake

(The car zooms at Milkshake, he catches it, Data in that •••••• episode about the lifeform style.

(Donna, with five quick slashes insure android one will never create jerky again, and sends Spiderdroid to the scrape yard.)

Buy your androids from Cybertron or the Red Ribbon Army, now, it's clobbering time!

Strakvarn just stares at the three guards, then pulls his sidearm. The guards immediately open fire. Strakvarn is hit by the first two projectiles, then, strangely, a shield springs up around the evil admiral and stops the remaining bullets! Strakvarn grimaces, and blasts the attacking guards to pieces. He touches the wounds in his chest and shoulder, which already seem to be closing.

Good operatives are so hard to find these days. How did they know I used the assimilator on myself? No matter. Soon the process will be complete, and I will be fully able to control Terra. Now...

Strakvarn places one hand on the computer I/O port set in his desk. The limb shimmers, and patterns of light shine on his paling skin. He closes his eyes briefly.

They ARE escaping. I knew I should have killed them all.

He glances at his skin, which is quickly taking on the pale greenish pallor of an X-CwX drone.

I've GOT to do something about this. Strakvarn to Operations. Status Red. Lockdown facility. All stations on alert. Kill any prisoner on sight. That is all.

Strakvarn opens his desk drawer and removes a small tool. He runs the blue beam the object emits over his skin, which becomes normal-looking once again. That done, he rushes out the door, towards the detention levels.

Oof!

Milkshake picks up a warbot, and tosses it into a wall, where it crumples and whimpers.

Hey, I don't have my suit, I couldn't have done tha-UUGH!

The transformed Mandroid lands a well-placed uppercut right on Milkshake's chin. The non-bluesuited commander flies across the room, landing next to a cargo transporter. Quick as a wink, Milkshake hits the Recall Stored Pattern button and activates the machine. Milkshake's armor and a dazed TerrSec officer appear. Milkshake pauses long enough to grab a handheld electron ram, and his shield belt.

Let's get busy!

WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!

I love the smell of crushed dura-steel in the morning!

Aarh! This be fun, by the powers that be! Lily-livered dogs, face the wrath of Cutthroat Jimlad, the most ferocious pirate whoe'er sailed the seven seas!

Hacks at the battle-droids with cutlass and pickaxe, alongside the good Commander.

Commander, where could we be a-gettin' our ahnds on a decent-sized, cannon, ahar?

That bot has one, let me just...

WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!

There. It may not shoot cannonballs, but it's effective, nonetheless.

Raising his voice over the noise of battle

MAY I SUGGEST WE HEAD TO A MORE OPEN AREA, SUCH AS THE ADMINISTRATION LEVELS? I'D LIKE TO TELL STRAKVARN WHAT I THINK OF HIM!

Ensign Morimoto moves away from the wall, slightly stunned.

Whoa! Good thing my armor absorbed the force of that blow, or I'd be smashed to a pulp!

Sakai, Kobe, and Kaga pull out more grenades. Kaga looks at Commander Milkshake.

Kaga: So, do we go with you, Commander, or should we try and create a general disturbance and take out as many TerrSecs as we can attract?

Chen: I want to go with the Commander. Its not a good idea to run around here alone!

Meanwhile, back on the spidership, in a darkened area, the outline of a figure can be seen in the shadows. He is standing next to a handprint lock panel of some kind. He places his right hand on it, and the panel glows green for a second.

Phase One Of Identification Complete. Please State The Proper Password.

Edmund Fitzgerald.

Password Accepted. You May Enter.

A set of double doors open.

Thank you, computer.

The figure enters the room, and the doors close. After they close, the number 17 is seen on the doors (1 on the left, 7 on the right), in white.

Tacoman and Butrfli are in front, looking for a turbolift or anything else that might come in handy. They look in one room, and Tacoman calls to Milkshake
Hey Steve.. I think I may have found another steller event generator... Maybe it can connect with the other one...

Kent looks at the Ops console, then runs over to another console and conducts and sensor scan.

Acting Captain Jadlad, there's something strange going on. Someone just entered a secure room on deck 17, a room that has been sealed for several months. Also, I just detected an X-CwX signature somewhere in the TerrSec base. The signature disappeared after a few seconds. I ran a diagnostic test, and there's nothing wrong with the systems. There is, or was, at least one X-CwX drone down there!

Medium panic, alarm sounds can be heard everywhere, indicating a hull breach (a bad thing when you are underwater).

"Somebody is drilling a hole through the outer wall! Shields are down in this area! Level 3 emergency! Argh!"

View from outside. The attacker can be seen.

"Har har har!"

Milkshake rushes over to the new Equipment that Tacoman's found.

Yes, this is great! They've set up a new interface pad to translate the original alien controls...here...sensor detect target...open wormhole...antimatter cloud...dark matter create...planetary detonation...man, they could easily destroy entire solar systems! First off, let's rendezvous with the other team.

Milkshake fiddles with the controls, and opens a stable wormhole to the coordinates of the first Equipment. The commander picks up his armor with one hand, a few weapons with the other, and jumps through the wormhole. His voice emanates from the other side of the spacial anomaly.

"It's okay! We can EEEEEEURRRRRWWWWwwwww...."

A shrieking projectile streaks across the room and impacts on the Equipment, blowing the alien object to pieces. The serenely rotating wormhole abruptly shimmers and collapses. Tacoman, Butrfli and Jimlad whirl around looking for the source of the shot. In the doorway, looking supremely smug, Admiral Strakvarn and several extremely armed TerrSec Elite Operatives stand with a smoking Alpha-Grenade launcher. For a second, only the hum of the atmosphere control systems can be heard, and then...

"I'm so sorry I had to cut you off, but I was tired of listening to you talk. This is it, famed Captain of the Spidermobile. Your story ends now. Your friends on my underwater base will die shortly anyway."

Rikard dives behind a wall, barely avoiding the bot's blast. He pulls out two phaser guns and runs across the room, firing at the battle droid. Unfortunately, the bot has its own forcefield that Rikard's weapons hardly damage at all.
Well let's see if this works.
He reactivates his lightsaber and throws it at the droid. It flies forward, hits the droid's shield, and does no damage. It flies back to Rikard and the battle droid fires a couple of small missiles. Rikard's cover is destroyed.
Well, time to go.
Rikard runs to the door, barely ahead of the battle droid's assault. He runs into the corridor with the droid in pursuit, tearing up the base as it chases. Rikard hits his communicator.
Rikard to Spider, if there was any time that I need your transporters to get me out of a bad situation, now's the time.

Actually, Admiral, you and your thugs are the ones who aren't going to leave this base alive!

Suddenly, a force-field appears around the admiral and his goons. The force-field is so close that they can't even move their limbs, or weapons, at all!

Nice security system you've got here. Don't even bother trying to use the voice recognition override system. I contacted Wayne aboard the spidership, and he told me how to set it up so you can't shut the force-field off at all! You're stuck in there until you die!

Ojanon materializes in front of the Admiral, smiling.

Of course, I'm not too sure that X-CwX drones can die! I have know idea just how complete your transformation is, but 12 of 10 gave me some information that should prove most useful. She told me how to confine an X-CwX drone with a force-field, and I made the proper adjustments!

Jadlad receives Rikard's message.

=/\= Jadlad to Transporter Room! Lock on to Commander Rikard and get him out of there immediately! Save the co-ordinates, and let me know when you've beamed him up! =/\=

Jadlad looks at Kent.

Keep scanning for that X-CwX you detected earlier. If you detect the signature again, I want the co-ordinates. Maybe I should ask for 12 of 10 to come to the bridge.

The transporter room contacts Jadlad.

Sir, we have Commander Rikard back onboard. He's got a few minor scrapes and scratches, but otherwise he's fine. We have the co-ordinates saved. Do you want us to beam something down?

Jadlad looks solemn.

Not yet. But Commander Rikard should probably report to Sickbay, just in case. Jadlad, out.

Ojanon! You got here just in time.
Tacoman looks around at the rest of the equipment
Hmm.. I bet we could construct one more wormhole.. It'll only be stable for several seconds, but that's all we need.
Tacoman seems to stare into space for a few seconds, he recovers, and a few seconds later, a small wormhole opens above Tacoman's hand, and a small grenade plops into the hand
Friends, enemies, this is an EMP grenade, fresh from the Cybertec catalog. It can be set to produce any power EMP. I will be setting this to its highest setting, meaning that it will probably melt and destroy anything in this room and possibly beyond it too.
Tacoman, using the equipment in the room, opens a wormhole to the same coordinates that Milkshake did. He then sets the EMP grenade at its highest setting and explosion time in 10 seconds. He then places it in the middle of the room
Gentlemen, let's get out of here.
With that, Tacoman, Butrfli, Ojanon, and Jimlad leap through the wormhole, which collapses behind them, leaving the admiral and his people still trapped in the forcefield and the EMP grenade still in the middle of the room, rapidly counting down until it explodes

The team exits the wormhole, relieved. This feeling lasts 8 tenths of a second, until they see Admiral Strakvarn and guards waiting for them, smiling. Milkshake is already there, his hands over his head.

I can't believe that worked. Now, as for you, little annoyance..

One of the Elite Operatives fires an extremely strong Polymorph beam at Ojanon. The overpowerered hero morphs into a small aquatic creature. A striped bass, in fact. Strakvarn picks up the wriggling fish and smiles.

Ah, dinner. Would one of you be so good and broil this little fellow for me? A little lemon, butter, and a bit of tarragon, please. And hurry, we don't want him to suffocate before he's cleaned and cooked. Thank you.

Now, say goodbye.

Strakvarn and the Elite Operatives open fire.

EMH: Commander, this scan will just take a moment.
Rikard: Doc, people are dying or at least they're in danger of dying, maybe you should try to be helping them instead.
EMH: I will, but they actually have to be here first, now don't they. Now hold still.
Rikard: Fine, fine. Just hurry up.
EMH: You just have a few bumps and bruises, nothing that can't wait. Oh, by the way, is there any way to for you to stop that Ahz character from shutting me off again?
Rikard: Ahz? No. He's a computer whiz. Besides, he's gone now anyway, you don't have to worry about him anymore. Are you done yet?
EMH: I said that treating you could wait. You can come back when this whole thing is over.
Rikard: Thanks Doc.
He leaves Sickbay and goes to the Bridge.
So what's going on? Are the rest of the team back yet?

Zip! Zap!

Aarh! Yer not gonna get me!

He activates the wormhole machine

Quickly, me hearties! While ye still live an' breathe get outta here!

Let's GOO!

The team charges into the wormhole. Milkshake hits the Equipment control panel on his way out. As he jumps through, he can already see the room collapsing into his miniscule, temporary black hole. Back on the bridge...

We made it! Cola, beam up Adon's team NOW!

Aye, sir.

Tacoman glances over at Milkshake
Creating a black hole to destroy the place... very nice, Steve.
Now, where's Ojanon? Is he still a fish inside the wormhole?
Am I to assume that the admiral and troops that we met at the H.Q was a hologram or something?

I hope he wasn't filleted yet. However, there's a chance he'll survive, he is a fish, the water shouldn't bother him.

Adon's team appears on the bridge.

No, they weren't holograms, that's for sure. They fired real weapons. Now who are we missing?

In the transporter room, the Sub-Normality Assert-I-Tron is used to return Insane to "normal".

Yes! I am me again... but wait. I might be a little different. Only one way to make sure.

He walks up to the nearest replicator.

A few minutes later, Kiehart enters the room. He sees Insane, holding a piece of string hanging from above. "Hi, Insane", he says, "What's that?"
Insane pulls the string, and Kiehart glances upwards, noticing a bucket full of water hurtling down toward him. Mesmerized by the sheer hopelessness of the situation, he has nothing to do but stare pathetically at the camera.
SPLAAAAAAASSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Kiehart lets forth a volley of curses which would shock even the most hardened of soldiers.

The No-Profanity Hammer extends out of the wall and bonks Kiehart into a pancake.

Ah.. it's hammer time....
I saw that one, and hope I don't get nailed by it...

Insane leaves, chuckling to himself, and goes to the science room. He asks Klassikos for a piece of the armor, and Klassikos accepts, handing him a small piece. It's all Pete needs anyhow. He returns to his quarters, with the dreamcatchers, the weird lamps,a nd the inflatable chair, and welds the piece of armor to his lightsaber. He activates it, and the glow is more brilliant that usual. Grinning manically, he slices it through the lamp, with no trouble whatsoever. Definitely an improvement. He sits and his desktop computer, and makes a log recording.
"Personal log, Stardate 06.14.3001... Klassikos has found a suit of armor on the ocean floor, suppsoedly constructed by the Greek gods. Apparently it makes the person.. or thing... which has it on gain great power, maybe even unlimited. I managed to use some on my lightsaber, but I fear it might fall into the wrong hands." He then proceeds to tell about his escapades as Jimlad. When he is finished, he switches it off and goes to bed. It has been a very intense day, and he is need of rest.

Ok.. Is everybody aboard? All stations and personelle report.

Executive Officer Milkshake here, Ship Operations at 100%.

Thank you for the timely rescue, we were pinned down by a group of very large attack robots.

(Observer rushes over to his station)

Temporal Science, 100%.

Wayne was standing next to a console, talking to Kent, and both men were laughing, but shut up when the away team reappeared and listened instead.

Hmmmm....Ojanon a fish, eh? Too bad he's not here. I'd love a chance to try my new reverse-Polymorph chamber on him!

Suddenly, the Ojanon-fish plops onto the floor through a small portal.

Ah-ha! Wayne grabs the fish and runs off with it.

Um, Wayne, we already have a Sub-Normality Assert-i-tron machine. It completely reverses the effects of Polymorphing.

Kiehart walks into sickbay, wondering why his pride is suddenly wounded, and why he feels wet despite the totla lack of water on his body. (Kiehart was headed to sickbay dumb shits!) He shurgs it off as meaning absolutely nothing and walks into sickbay. He tells the HoloDoc about his 'trance.' The Doc examines him thoroughly. "Hmm. Doesn't appear to be anything with you Mr. Kiehart. Could it be another power developing?" Kiehart rolls his eyes and groans. "God I hope not!"

The No-Profanity Hammer appears again and flattens Kiehart. It then flattens Brian Webber as he's sitting at his computer. A voice with a Liverpool accent then plays from his speakers.

"Author notes go in the Discussion Board. That is all."

...the tiny avenger is trying a new method of getting rid of TerrSec guards - advanced magic, especially the Stone Curse. Ha! He's spotted a potential victim and reads the spell from his book. The poor guard becomes immediately stoned and Reggae music plays.

"Hm. That's not quite what I expected. Never trust a Chinese manual translated by a Dutchman into Swahili."

Before he can try another terrible curse a message from the Spidership comes in.

"What? It's already over? Ok, I'll return, but without this fish costume!"

A stunned guard finds himself wrapped.

"And bye-bye!"

Appears out of nowhere on the bridge, right above a redshirt. The poor guy gets a deadly heart attack when the Furby lands on his head and not even Furby's mouth-to-mouth can save him. Another one down.

*ignoring the hammer*

Kiehart frowns. "Well, thanks anyway Doc." As Kiehart leaves, Butrfli enters Sickbay, back from her mission, and looking worse for the wear. HoloDoc walks over to her with a tricorder. "Are you all right." She waves him away. "I'm fine. Just a bad bout of the plauge." HoloDoc freezes in his tracks. "Did you just say-" "What was Kiehart doing here? I was wondering where he was during the whole mess." The HoloDoc checks around to see if they're alone. "Remember tha whole thing Ojanon said about Kiehart not being who he thinks he is?" Butrfli nods. "Kiehart went into a trance a little while ago it seems, in which he spoke with a British accent, and called himself Logan Newcastle. I fear this may related. Could you do a search on the name for me in the database, while I call up Ojanon?"

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Smakc me with the hammer later. I just wanna say I have a plan with this Logan Newcastle thing (ties into an author fic story I'm writing for the site), so please no making up stoopid stories about the guy, 'kay? Appreciate it. Now, whack away hammer man! I can tak-OW!

By the way Doctor, here's the object that gave me the plague...
Butrfli hands the Doctor the dart that she was hit with that caused her to get the Ebonics Virus. She then sits at a nearby computer and begins her search
Meanwhile, on the bridge...
Tacoman: Comm, open an encrypted channel to the President and Vice President of Earth.

Thanks for the beam-out! You know a situation's tight when Observer admits as much. Mission accomplished, I take it?

Ansh, where's Quito? I hope she didn't cause any trouble.

Wayne walks into a makeshift lab (about three rooms down from Rocket Ranger's lab, which is still closed by a force-field), carrying the Ojanon-fish in a glass of water. He flips on a switch, and a wall unit slides open, revealing a strange silver & green coffin-like structure with a clear window in the lid. Wayne presses another button, and the lid opens. He takes the Ojanon-fish out of the glass of water, places it into the "coffin", and closes the lid. He then moves back and flips some switches and presses some buttons on a control panel nearby.

Here goes nothing. (He smacks a green button the control panel, then flips another switch. There is a strange humming noise, and the "coffin" begins to glow yellow, then red, then blue, then green. Eventually the glow subsides, and the humming stops.) I hope that worked. (He walks over and looks down at the "coffin", only to be disappointed.) Well, that didn't work. Let me try again.....

"Channel open."

The viewscreen flares to life. The crest of the Earth System Government is displayed, with a scrolling undernote that reads "Level 5 encryption in effect. Pulse Scrambling Enabled. POTESG and VPOTESG Clearance Only." Then the screen clears and President Jackson Johnson Fleem, only president elected to 6 consecutive terms despite complete incompetence, and Vice-President Frank Lee Absurd, most popular Vice-President in the history of Earth, appear.

"This is President Fleem. Greetings, Captain. I assume from the security protocols that your message is urgent. What's the problem?"

PD Insane awakens, to a shrill beeping noise. Which is funny, because he doesn't have an alarm clock. Or a microwave.
Computer, what is that?
You have received a distress call of maximum priority.
Where from?
Unknown. The source was blocked.
In case it somehow fell into the wrong hands, I guess. All right, on screen.
He drifts over to his screen, and looks at it, as the message appears. On it is a young woman, probably the same age as him.
"I am Roani, the young ruler of the planet... never mind. Anyway, I heard about you being a Jedi knight, and about your brave deeds in the battle with Taconator, and I knew you would come and help. Come in the ship you're constructing. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Peter Dionysus Insane. You're my only hope."
The message stops.
Computer, is there any more to this recording?
Negative.
A quest of Jedi knightlyhood, a damsel in distress, a possible love interest! Yes! Wait! There's gotta be a reason for calling me specifically, instead of the ship itself. How did she acquire my codes anyway? Computer, transfer the message to holodeck 3.
Working. Transfer complete. The holodeck is ready for your entry.
Thanks.
He leaves his quarters.
Computer, lock door, authorization, Theta-Lambda-16.
He walks down the corridor and toward the doors of the holodeck, which grind open, and close once he has entered.
Lock doors, authorization, Theta-Lambda-17.
Roani can be seen pouring out her woe, with a background of a room which is clearly for the sole purpose of recording messages. It's quite simple in appearance, and unfortunately not much of it can be seen. It will take a lot of inspection to get anything out of this, so he leaves it.
Commputer, save program under file ident number Insane-Beta-7.
Program saved.
He leaves the holodeck, and returns to his quarters.
Computer, how long ago did this message reach the ship?
One hour, three minutes, nineteen seconds.
Extrapolate how long it must have been since it was sent.
Unable to comply. The source of the message, and therefore the travel time, is as yet unknown.
*sigh* How am I supposed to get anywhere on this? I could try Jedi meditation. That might get me somewhere...
Please restate.
Never mind.
PD Insane leaves his quarters, and arrives on the bridge.
Lieutenant Peter Dionysus Insane reporting for duty, Captain.

NOTE TO WEBBER: OK, let's say he had that incident happen to him in a corridor, which he was walking down to get to sickbay. In fact, I originally intended it to happen in sickbay, but I forgot. Any more discussion on this matter shall go to the Discussion Board and only the Discussion Board.

(After the tampering with her memory by Nalrud and her resurrection by The Queue, Patricia had withdrawn into herself.
She had nowhere to go. Alone on a ship full of people.
Quito didn't want her to leave, especially since Artsy-Fartsy was unconscious, so Patricia decided to stay, "until Artsy was well again."
Her Spartan lifestyle reflected her emptiness, so she cast a spell and the room became like a tropical paradise with beautiful trees & flowers, a pool with waterfall, a 'sun' that went across the 'sky' during the day and a 'moon' that crossed at night, a sweeping staircase that led up to a level with a view of the whole 'island' and a 'basement' where you could watch fishes underwater.
The Tembar sisters helped with watching Quito, well, Ansh helped out with Quito, Tammy seemed to spend most of her time swimming or laying around in the sun.
However, Artsy had recovered and Patricia had no more reason to stay, except there was no place to go.
One day after listening to Jane Child's Don't Want To Fall In Love she sensed the crew gathering into teams & since she had nothing better to do decided to join them.
She redressed herself in her costume and restored the room to its normal condition, then stepped through the door... and found herself in HelLA.)

Patricia, baby, darling, good to finally meet you! Lucifer S. Beelzebub, Esq. at your service.

The devil you say?

(LSB laughs) Some people think so. Maybe one of my ancestors was, but that's neither here nor there.

According to the LICC database you make deals for people's... 'soul's. Is that why I'm here?

Honey, if you had a soul, you lost it a long time ago. No, I brought you here because you have the potential to screw up a deal of mine. You see, I just don't deal in souls. I'm diversified, stocks, bonds, pieces of various companies, etc., etc. If Strakvarn becomes leader of the world, well, I can make a tidy little profit, and once he becomes leader, his soul is mine for keeping up my end of the bargain. (LSB winks)

I see.

I thought you might.

You want me to stay out of this.

That's one option. If you wanted to keep your friends from being killed or seriously injured, that wouldn't bother me. Of course, if you 'helped' Strakvarn become leader, that would be wonderful.

I mean, do you really want to save his soul?

(A moment of silence, then Patricia looked LSB in the eyes)

What's in it for me?

(Cue dramatic music)

Greetings Mr. President and Vice President. Some time ago, when Commander Milkshake was back on Earth, he found an interesting hidden area in the strata below New Atlantis. It contains a TerrSec base and a lot of interesting technology. I'm sending the both of you a report on that base, what happened when my people went to investigate, and our capture by TerrSec.
Tacoman nods, and the approiate information is sent
I believe that Commander Milkshake could tell you more about the base itself and how he discovered it.
Commander?

Well, Artsy, Quito did cause some trouble when she hid under the helm console, but Colanator and I got her out after ten minutes.

Greetings Mr. President. Two months after the last of the O'kakian Forces were routed from Earth I was somehow transported back here. While waiting to be retrieved I was called to help the civil engineers restoring Terra to pre-Invasion condition. I was assigned to hazardous duty, and shortly after my team discovered an alien base of unknown origin, lying at the center of the Atlantean Basin. We entered the base, and found a piece of equipment that seemed to be emitting incredible amounts of localized radiation. We were interrupted in our investigation by Terran Security Force operatives, led by the Chief of Terran Security, Admiral Strakvarn. We were ordered to leave and not to disclose our discovery to anyone.

I rejoined my ship soon after. I felt that TerrSec was overrstepping its authority on the matter, since all alien technology on Earth from pre-warp time periods are to be reported to the Exo-Science Council. I informed my captain of the matter, and we were shortly thereafter attacked by TerrSec ships! We escaped, and traveled to the underwater base where we found that the Equipment is actually a Stellar Event Generator, a machine capable of creating such things as black holes or pulsars. Admiral Strakvarn captured us and then informed us of his intent to kill us to keep the discovery secret. We managed to escape and destroy both the original Equipment and a duplicate that Strakvarn had created. Sir, I believe that Admiral Strakvarn had plans to use the equipment in an attempt to take over Earth.

The President sits back in shock. With a quavering voice he says..

"This surely cannot be true, Commander."

It is, Mr. President. Computer, copy all sensor logs and debriefing files relating to the TerrSec scout attack and the underwater base mission and transmit, encrypted, to the President's office.

"Working...transmission complete."

President Fleem examines the files.

"It...it seems you are right. I will immediately order Terran Security defunct until a complete investigation can be made. One more thing. An unregistered scout-class ship launched from TerrSec H.Q. in Byzantium 12 minutes ago. It filed no flight plan and evaded all defense outposts before jumping into high warp. We can no longer track it on sensors. Perhaps Admiral Strakvarn somehow survived. Captain, we will get to the bottom of this, I promise you. You and your crew have performed an incredibly valuable service to mankind. Report to New Atlantis immediately for full debriefing and proper commendation. Fleem out."

Meanwhile, in the landing bay, Rikard looks off Insane's plans for his new ship as he attaches yet another part. The ship is almost complete.
Geez. I forgot how long it takes to build these things.
A maintenance worker looks up.
Sir, who are you talking too?
Rikard: Oh no one, just thinking out loud.
Worker: Right, okay.
Rikard sighs Rikard to Insane. Hey Pete, we're almost done with your ship down here. I thought that you might want the honor of finishing it since it is yours.