Now, there was something important about the number of this board, but I can't remember what it is...

[over comm-system] "So, Kiehart, still chasing a girl, I see."

We're approaching Mortcarn, captain.

Thank you Enesku.
Ok... scan the area for Frogstar ships.
Hail the planet to see if they need help.

Hailing frequencies open!

If anybody officials on the planet can here me, I am Captain Tacoman of the League of Intergalactic Cosmic champions. We received your message on the LICC voice mail indicating you need help. We are here, and happy to help.

Oh, wow! I just realized the significance of the board number!

The Legion of Super-Heroes first appeared in Adventure Comics #247 & this is LICC 2 47.

Get it? 247, 2 47. Wow! It's a Legion reference! Isn't that something?!?

(Suddenly a costume clad character with the words Get-A-Life printed on his shirt appears)

Read my shirt, LSH fan.

"This is Rougecloth, Second Prefect of the Mortcarn. We are all glad to hear of your assistance. The frogships have been attacking us for a long time now, and we have lost many. We know not where they come from or who they are controlled by, only their deadliness."

As Kiehart, Rikard, Klassikos, adn the rest of Banshee squadron close in on their destination, Kiehart's senses kick in. "She's been here Josh. I can't tell if she still is, or just left we're too far away for me to tell, but she's been here."

A mortcarnian runs from one of the frogship pirates until he finds himself trapped in a dead end.

The Mortcarnian screams, "D... don't hurt me! I... I'll give you money!"

The pirate, Nail responds, "You don't have to give me your money... I'll just take it after you're dead!"

Nail leaps on the Mortcarnian and drains his lifeblood.

For some strange reason, the Mortcarnian refuses to expire once his lifeblood is drained, rather like a character in a bad 80's Filmation cartoon. Pale as death and consequently rather scary-looking, he lets out a screech that rattles the windows, and turns on Nail, who is busy riffling through his wallet.

Has anyone tried to ask these Frogships what they want?

Good point, Frangelica.
Comm, open a channel to the nearest Frogship.
Comm: Channel open.
Frogship, this is Captain Tacoman of the League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions. Could you please tell us what you want, and why you are attacking this planet?

Maybe they've come to steal all of the planet's flies!

The Lords of Pundom appear, and take the Smartass Blueshirt's shirt away. In exchange, the replace his shirt with a red shirt.

Artsy, having heard that the Spidership is on yet another rescue mission, decides to head for the bridge and see if she can help out in any way. Quito won't let her go and tags along....

Rikard feels something as well.

Yeah, you're right. She's either still here or she just left, which would mean she left less than 10 minutes ago. Either way, we better find out quickly.

Milkshake looks up, concerned.

Captain, I'm reading power fluctuations in the EPS grid. Nothing too dangerous, but...

The bridge lights and consoles flicker

It should be looked at.

(The message is ignored by the nearest frogship, but Tacoman is answered by another)

Ah, Captain Tacoman. Of the legendary League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions. I'm Queeq. And this be a war zone. The Mortcarnians started this when they attacked & wiped out the outpost on Mocaw. But I'll expect ye'll be wanting proof. So permission to dock on you ship & I'll show ye the evidence.

(A frogship approaches the Spidermobile. Queeq is relaying his transmission through it to give the impression that that is the frogship he is on.

Unknown to LICC the frogship contains explosives inside a scanner resistant shielding. The crew on the frogship ready to beam off just before the frogship enters the docking bay.)

Hammer fired a steel rod at the Mortcarnian zombie and it flew off and was stuck to a wall. Hammer didn't like the Lifeblood Drinker, Nail, but as long as he confined his drinking to victims & brought back a lot of loot, Hammer could live with Nail's culinary habits.

Hammer said, "Bit off more than you can chew?"

Nail responded, "Sometimes they react atypically to a draining. Leave it. If it escapes it should spread horror as it goes."

Hammer said, "Time to go. A ship has arrived & we may need to fight it or flee."

Nail said, grabbing the Mortcarnian's wallet, "I thought I sensed an increase in the lifeblood. I wonder if the ship contains a Jedi or even a Lifeblood Sorceror?"

Computer, do we have any information on an individual named Queeq?
Queeq, we'll let you come aboard in just a minute.
We're preparing for your arrival.
By the way... I have one small condition for you... If you have transporter technology, please beam someone from your ship over here with the information. If you don't have transporter technology, we will beam you here ourselves.

(tugs at Tacoman's sleeve)

Let's just beam him over ourselves anyway. Our transporter buffer, our data logs, our containment field.

I wouldn't advise it, what with these...

All power to the bridge shuts off, and the air quickly grows colder and colder

...fluctuations...

Tacoman looks up
Hmmm...
Emergency lights!
Somebody find out where those fluctations are coming from!
Commander, could we use the transporters in one of the shuttles to transport Queeq?

Ojanon steps up and talks to Tacoman.

Captain, I sense that something is very wrong here. I wouldn't beam anyone or anythingfrom that ship onboard the spidership. You might want to consider other options....including destroying it!

static
Brak. Braaak. Brexaxaxax.

This is Legate Arvinien of the Central Frogship. You are butting into our business and we don't take kindly to it. This planet is sheltering notorious pirates Hammer and Nail, who have drained our Emperor's Lifeblood and made off with his Crown Jewels. Also, they brew really great coffee, and we mean to take some after we've beaten them to a pulp.

League of Intergalactic Whoeveryouare, we will only say this once. Go away.

End transmission

(Donna is walking down a hall on Sith Outpost 47)
Hey Terror!. Hey Chaotica. Hi Sideous. Hey who are you supposed to be?

I am the Namek Saiyen Fusion Sith Lord who is also a Vampire. I am DARTH CREEPING FIG! Get it, a parasitic plant! Great isn't it? And every time I get killed, I immediately grow back stronger

Yeah, sure.

(Enters a room)

Hey X I need some new WEAPONRY OF DARKNESS.

X: Coming right up.

Wow, THEY are rude. I believe I will stay on, Mon Capitane, and see how you primitive lifeforms handle this situation.

Kiehart, we should beam down, fully armed, or at least fly low.

Ojanon activates the comm-system...

Legate Arvinien, you mentioned something about your Emperor's Lifeblood being drained? I happen to be a Lifeblood Sorceror of the Malachite Order, and would like to help, if possible. That was not also a crime against your people, but also against my faith. I will not stand for any evil such as that!

Legate Arvinien, this is Captain Tacoman. I apologize for the intrusion, but we got a request for help from the people on the planet, saying that you were attacking. I assume that most of the planet is full of relatively good people. Perhaps you could just get this Hammer and Nail and leave.
Tacoman out.
Tacoman turns to the bridge crew
Ok, what do we do now?

[Klassikos opens a compartment on his ship, and pulls out the flying shoes, as worn by Hermes, messanger of the gods, that he has never has used yet. In fact, it was Donna herself who gave them to him.]

(Donna is in the Sith library, reading Rum, sodomy and the lash: How to run your own starship for dummies!)

The small fleet of ships, led by Kieahrt, closes in on the planet. As they draw nearer, they can see the huge black Sith Fortress looming up ahead.

The small fleet of ships, led by Kiehart, closes in on the planet. As they draw nearer, they can see the huge black Sith Fortress looming up ahead.

Kiehart checks his emergency transporter. "Dam. Forgot that I can't return with it. I'll have to land. Banshee's, go back up into orbit and take a defensive posture. Klassikos, if you can beam down and still be able to return to your ship, do it. Rikard, I'm going in a for a landing. I'll get as close as I can. I'll meet you on the ground."

If I beam out there would be no way to beam abck in. I shall instead set it to 'hover' and fly out using my winged shoes.

[hails Rikard]

Josh, we are dealing with Sith here. This seems to be your ground, as a Jedi.

Hey, Artsy, look what I got!

reaches into the tactical console, and pulls out a Barbie-like object in a skin-tight costume

It's a Talking Hamburger Pattie doll!

pulls the string

"Now the time has come to... reveal myself! (Guys just love it when I say that)"

"I love the way your mustache curls and uncurls like a cartoon character, Tacoman."

"This is for destroying all those pictures of me!"

"Anyone ask for a Hamburger with cheese?"

I'm giving one to Ansh, in the hopes that she will be indoctrinated just as I was!

Hurry up and leave! We are getting irritable due to a lack of caffeine!

Rikard sat in his cockpit, resting and meditating. He hadn't meditated for a while. Never had much time for it. He had to be calm before heading against a Sith stronghold. He'd never faced the Dark Side the way he would here, but he'd been trained well thanks to his manual and that transporter thing* he'd received when he'd first started. He'd been meaning to show that to the Observer and Insane, maybe even Ojanon. Hopefully, he'd be ready when they did arrive. They'd been the system for a while. It wouldn't take the Sith long to realize that they were there,if they already hadn't, especially with a Knight hanging around. He felt his fighter slow and opened his eyes. They were at their destination. Kiehart and Klassikos were going down. He'd have to go too. Klassikos hailed him.

Klassikos: Josh, we are dealing with Sith here. This seems to be your ground, as a Jedi.
Rikard: Yeah, you're right Klassikos although I haven't personally fought one since Darth Terror attacked the Spidership. Sith lords will sometimes hate each other as much as us so we might find some who want Donna gone as well. That would definitely be a huge advantage.

*The TARDIS, LICC XX

"Excellent thought Josh. I'm bring Banshee down in a forest outside the fortress. The trees all look long dead, and there's a clearing just big enough for Banshee. I'll meet you two at the front door."

Donna, You must start your training. Procede to the Void.

Understood.

Kiehart climbs out of his cockpit after reading the sensor report. "Hmm. That's weird. Hey Josh, Klassikos, get this. My fighter scanned that fortress. It found evidence that the top two stories of the complex show signs of no activity in at least 50 years. Weird. My gut tells me we should avoid those floors." He stops talking for a moment, and feels the back of his neck. "She's not here, but she was. She left, I figure about five minutes ago. What's odd is that we were in orbit at the time and we saw no signs of even a cloaked ship elaving the atmosphere, and no transporter signals."

One of them: Captain, scans of the frogship wanting to dock indicate an area surrounded with a scanner-proof material and the message from Queeq is not originating on that ship.

Another one of them: Captain, sensors indicate that some of the frogships are in worse shape than others, as if they haven't been regularly maintained & repaired. We may be dealing with more than one group of people in frogships.

The other one: Captain, this chair doesn't swivel properly. Oh, the computer has an identification on Queeq. According to voiceprint analysis, he is one Zelgar Queeq Numlock and is wanted for a variety of crimes including priacy & murder.

Err, I mean piracy, not priacy.

Not that priacy isn't a crime, but it's not one that he's been charged with... yet.

Ok.. if we have that ship in the shuttlebay, get it out of there and destroy it. If it's still in space, destroy it anyway.
What do our computers have on a a pair named Hammer & Nails?

Running back to their frogship, Hammer & Nail are blocked by a squad of armed Mortcarnians. Using the recently harvested midiclorians, Nail uses the Force to throw the Mortcarnians into a nearby wall, and steal their weapons.

"Ha ha ha ha! I love the power fresh midiclorians gives me!"

Engineering to the bridge! We need help down here! Somehow the scpipts got loose and are running around unsupervised! We need a SCPIPT SUPERVISOR ASAP! Aaargggh!

The unsupervised scpipts accidentally trample him to death

Hmmmm... Looks like that Automated Redshirt Ordering System™ (AROS) failed to work properly.

Computer, take a memo, to be sent when our current mission is complete.

---

Quote:

To: The Acme Redshirt Supply Company
From: LICC

Sirs,

Please send us a new complement of redshirts. I believe we need about 50 in this order. Charge it to our account.

---

Did you forget you have the book of the dead? (MAGIC WORDS) Just say how many you would like back before their souls are recycled.

Suddenly all the scpipts run into one of the transporter rooms and because of an inexplicable system glitch they are transported en masse to the frogship containing the shielded explosives.

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!

Captain , the frogship off our bow has exploded. Shields are holding.

Well, that takes care of that... what next?

Brak. Brak. Brexaxaxax.
"Just get this Hammer and Nail and leave." Boy does that sound easy the way you say it. And would you, Captain Tacoman, care to put your money where your hailing frequency is and try your hand at finding them?

Your arrogance is infuriating and your refusal to leave puzzling. But to demonstrate that we are not just blazing hooligans, I will call your bluff. If you can deliver Hammer and Nail to us along with a placating gift of coffee (Sounth Continental tree-bark and bean juice, please-- none of that cheap instant @#$%), we will let Mortcarn be. And we will refrain from incerating you.

You have 48 hours, Wise Guy.

faintly, in the background
I said, "Stop shooting!" Why is that sub-squadron still in attack formation? Oh, is this still on?

end transmission

Boy what a jerk why don't we just turn on the phasers and torpedoes and stuff and blow them to bits 'cuz we're superheroes and they just run around in froggy spaceships and they can't talk that way to us and stuff, right?

You said it, Comet!

In and act of insubordination she fires the phasers and blows up at least two frogships. The rest of the bridge crew stare at her, with expressions of anger and shock on their countenances.

Tacoman whirls around in anger at Enesku
Don't fire until I say to fire, and I didn't say fire!
Now, scan the planet for Hammer and Nail's lifesigns.
Observer, Ojanon, can you find them using your various powers?
Yes, we're superheros, but we have a responsibility to help those in need and attempt to do good things! As someone once said, being a superhero brings a lot of responsibility.

Artsy, who has been hanging around the bridge watching (and getting more materiel for her next mural), stare at Enesku in consternation. "You little twerp. I had no idea you were that impulsive."

She glances at the Hamburger Pattie doll that is now sitting precariously on Enesku's console. "And could you put that away? I don't want Quito thinking those things are art...."

Ojanon thinks for a second.

Captain, I'll see if I can sense Hammer and Nail. It may take a bit, though, since it is such a large planet. Give me approximately five and a half minutes.....

Ojanon takes a seat in an empty chair on the bridge, closes his eyes, and concentrates. He opens his eyes exactly 5.17 minutes later.

I...think I have found them, but they are not together. In fact, I believe that they may, in face, be on separate continents! One of them may be injured; his spirit seems somewhat weaker than the other's. I cannot tell which, though.

He calls up a holographic map of the planet, and points to the northernmost portion of one continent.

One is here....

Points to the southwestern portion of another continent, across the sea from the first.

...and the other is here. If you send a team, or teams, to the planet to find them, I would like to go to the second continent. That is where the weaker of the two seems to be.

Twerp? Impulsive? Well, anything's better than hanging around on the bridge doing nothing!

Quito can have one if she wants, and then her development can begin early!

hands the Hamburger Pattie doll to Quito, much to Artsy's consternation, aggrevation, and no doubt condemnation.

(In a burst of red tape appears... Lawyer Man.)

Excuse me, but I've been retained by the Department of Superheroics to crack down on unauthorized products of the LICC & it's affiliated heroes. May I see that doll for a moment.

(Lawyer Man examines it.)

Ah-ah! This is a product of the Emca Corporation, which is one of Lucifer S. Beelzebub's companies. I suspect he thought he could get away with making a Pattie doll as she is no longer in this dimension & can't testify in court. However he didn't know that Pattie had signed an agreement with the Department allowing them to license her image in LICC related products providing that they didn't conflict with any other deals she had signed, and she never signed a deal with Emca.

(He handed the doll back to Quito)

Thank you and you should probably have the Doctor scan that in case Emca used any dangerous products in it's construction.

(Lawyer Man then vanished to do legal battle with Lucifer S. Beelzebub.)

(However we won't bore you with the details of that battle.;-)

Queeq to all ships. Retreat to Hypertortuga. NOW!

(All the frogships commanded by pirates suddenly took off in different directions leaving Legate Arvinien's frogships & the Spidermobile in orbit around Mortcarn)

Hammer blasts several Mortcarnian soldiers with his cybernetic arm. He says, "Come on. The frogship is this way."

Nail stays up into the heavens. He says, "Ah, there is someone strong with the Lifeblood up there. I managed to confuse him... for now. Hmmm, Jedis & Lifeblood Sorcerers... the most dangerous & delicious prey to hunt." With that Nail jumps on the nearest living Mortcarnian and begins draining more of his blood to harvest midiclorians and become even stronger with the Force for the next few hours.

Ok.. Ojanon, assemble two teams together to tackle them. Take a couple of anti-Force force fields. When you find our friends down there, activate and throw the field around them. That should scramble, lessen, and dampen any force powers they may have.
Tacoman turns to Enesku
And as for you, I'm beginning to think I may have made a mistake in placing you on the bridge. I did it in the trust that you would be more stable. I guess I was wrong.

Give me a sec, Ojanon... I'm coming too.
synthesizes a bunch of midifluorians to be used just in case things get really ugly

Tacoman, blowing up bad guys is what the LICC is for, or so I thought. If I had thought being a superhero was just sitting around talking all day I'd have become something else. Anyway, I'm coming on the away team. I have more chance of some actual action that way.

Hmm... You're right...we are good at blowing up things...but for the most part, we don't go doing it on our own inititive...
I suppose we could find an asteroid or something for you to pummel... maybe an uninhabited planet or two...but if you want to go down to the planet, you have my permission.

Tacoman looks at Enesku again
Hmm.. young, impulsive, trigger-happy...
Frangelica, does Enesku remind you somewhat of Taquitoboy in his prime? Always wanting to destroy things just for the heck of it and things like that?

I like her!

(Observer returns to the bridge.)

I am back from sickbay. Apparently the doctor has found a small problem with my cerebral cortex that has interfered with my magic use. He has taken care of the problem, however.

(Observer interestedly glances at the screen.)

What is the situation here, Captain?

Artsy glances at Quito, who seems to be enthralled by the Hamburger Pattie doll, and sighs in resignation. "All right, all right, you can keep it. But at least make it a better-looking outfit while I'm gone, okay?"

Quito nods happily, projecting an image much wilder in metallic colors, and making Artsy wince slightly as she turns to the Captain. "Sir, I volunteer to go with one of the away teams."

Sorry, Enesku! Typo! Artsy actually told Quito she could "play with it if Enesku said she could."

Rikard sighs as Kiehart reports the news.
Great, she's gone? I wonder if she used some kind of (haha, somekinda... ST joke) transporter to go wherever she went. Either way, the answer's probably in that Fortress. Let's go.

Kiehart nods at Rikard, then at Klassikos, and steps up to the door. He notices it's slightly ajar. "This does not bode well." The three step through, and promptly fall screaming down a chute.

Cut to them running into a room, Klassikos slamming the door behind them. The three are breathing heavy. "Thank God. We made it." Rikard nods. "For a mintue I thought the Minotaur had you." Kiehart nods. "And that Billy Crystal/Robin Williams movie?" The two embrace each other and shudder in fear. Klassikos shakes his head. "You girls wanna be left alone?"

[Excuse me, it is up to me whether Klassikos speaks like a Brian Webber creation. Of course, since one of his 'purposes in life' seems to be teasing Kiehart, he would probably say the line you gave him but without calling them 'girls'.]

Actually, in ancient Greek times most Greek males thought that a real spiritual relationship could only be between two men. Women being inferior and all that.

[to Kiehart and Rikard] Oh, come on, now, haven't you guys even heard of 'Mystery Science Theater Three Thousand'? Why didn't you just riff your way through it like I did?

[Either Kiehart or Rikard asks: You were riffing? I thought you were just rambling about Ancient Greece!]

Those were my riffs! I thought you would notice how appropriate they were to what was in the photoplay. You really need some culture. [to Kiehart] All those Monty Python sketches and Kevin Smith movies are rotting out your brain! I could get you a play by Aristophanes. Many of the translations can be rather bawdy.

[Klassikos wants Kiehart to brighten up a little at this statement, but he doesn't, his mind is obviously elsewhere. Klassikos rather wonders if Kiehart was actually listening]

Come on.

To Artsy:
Wait until she pulls the string and hears all it has to say...

Hammer sat in the cockpit of the frogship while Nail remained outside to feed. Hammer said, "If you wish to stay and be destroyed that's your problem." He closed the hatch, started up the engines and took off. Jumping into hyperspace even before leaving the atmosphere.

Artsy, you can go.
Random Ensign: Captain, something strange just happened on the surface... Sensors just picked up a hyperspace jump WITHIN the atmosphere of the planet...And of the lifesigns we've been monitering, there's only one left...
Tacoman: Hmm... Ok... we leave a team on the planet to search for the remaining person, and I guess we on the ship look for that ship...
Captain Tacoman to Legate Arvenien, we think one of our "friends" down on the planet has managed to escape. It looks like they got away in a one of your frogships and then went into hyperspace while still on the planet... Luckily, his partner is still down there, and we are mounting a search mission for him.

Kiehart shakes his head. "You see Josh? That's why I don't go to Greek plays anymore. I used to, but all the people I would sit with had this air of superiority about them, like they were better than us average joes because they saw a stage production with a bunch of big words. That's why I either just read the books, or see the movies. Of course there is no decent film version of Helen of Troy but that's beside the point." Kiehart starts walking towards what looks a poorly constructed Ikea desk on the opposite side of the room, muttering to himself. "No culture. Ha! I oughta show that smart ass my bookshelves."

Why, do they have more culture than you? Oh, and it's called the Iliad, not Helen of Troy. Iliad because an alternative name for Iliad was Ilium or Ilion.

Anyway, let's see where Donna's got to, or if we can find any more information on where she is.

"Whatever! You self-centered piece of- Wait! I found something. It's holding the desk up. It's under one of the legs. Friggin' Ikea. Let's see." He flips through a few pages. "It a book on to use Force energies to create a 'tunnel' that can take you anywhere you desire! That's how Donna got past. Josh, you think you could figure the rest of this?"

writes quickly Tell Legate Arvenien that the license number of the pirate's Frogship is "47 GRBT."

Everybody ready? Ojanon, Artsy, Enesku? Let's go.

After Frangelica makes a few modifications to the transporter, the team beams down to the planet. When they materialize, Enesku is seen to be wearing one of those leashes they put on four-year-olds.

Ojanon, who dressed in his jacket and pants outfit (but with the mask on), walks a few feet away from the others and looks around after they transport down. He closes his eyes for a few seconds, then opens them and points to the south.

There. I sense something that way, but I am unable to detect who...or what...it is. Something in this part of space is interfering with my powers slightly.

(Hyperspace, once considered a theoretical absurdity, until it was discovered as a passageway for quickly getting from one point to another. However useful hyperspace has been very little is known about it since those who choose to enter hyperspace without any exit coordinates generally fall into 2 categories: babbling madmen; & the missing, presumed dead.

Hypertortuga exists inside hyperspace. It's hyperspacial coordinates a secret even from most of the pirates who use Hypertortuga as a base. The coordinates are entered into the flight computers of the pirates' ships & if the wrong code is given by anyone piloting that ship they will never be seen alive again.

The appearance of Hypertortuga is reminiscent of the artwork of M.C. Escher. It is here that Queeq & the others return.)

Curse that League! They destroyed several of my ships & somehow missed destroying any of Arvinien's. One day LICC it will be us gloating over your corpses!

(Suddenly the ears of the Away Team pick up the unmistakable sound of theme music)

Samurai Ninja Werewolf Cowboys!

Samurai Ninja Werewolf Cowboys!

Samurai Ninja Werewolf Cowboys!

Heroes in fur suits, Cowboy Power!

(And then appear 4 men riding horse-shaped speeders.)

Howdy, pardners. We hear tell that this planet has a vampire problem.

Legate, I just got some new information about the ship that was stolen...
It's identity number is 47 GRBT...

using her teeth and the spear she brought with her, Enesku breaks free of her leash

Gotcha!

(A red fire emerges from the book and goes into the eyes of Klassicos, Kiehart and Rikard)

You fools! (The book closes and reveals a talking face on the front of it.) You shouldn't have messed with me! Talking Book!!!! You would not belive how the Sith are inspired by Secret of Mana.

Aahh! If there's one thing I hate it's fire in my eyes! And stupid people. And... well, actually lots of things, but fire in my eyes is one of them.

I guess you won't be able to get anything out of this then, Josh?

Note: Rikard is not a guy who will usually embrace others when he finds he's alive. He usually will just slap someone on the back or something. Continuing the story...

Rikard rolls his eyes as the two heroes bicker. What was I thinking?, he thinks.

I really wouldn't know. I really haven't read that much about Greek culture and all.

Kiehart finds the book, and the trio get the fiery eyes. The book starts talking about the Secret of the Mana and how the Sith will rule the Universe, and how the Light Side is dumb because "good is dumb" and it really starts to get on Rikard's nerves. He activates his lightsaber.

Will you please shut up?

At that he slices the book in half which falls onto the ground, the talking head gone.

Well, that was easier than I thought. As for the portal, I've read about them before. It's easier for the Dark Side users to make them, but good guys can too with a little effort. I should be able to find where Donna went and take us there if we're within about five meters of where she disappeared. As for the fire in our eyes...

Rikard pulls out his canteen of water and throws water at his face, Kiehart's and Klassikos's, extinguishing the fire in their eyes.

It's just a little trick they've developed over the years just to tick their enemies off. Luckily it wasn't the possessing fire or the Sith would have three new followers. I'll be getting around to that portal now.

Rikard walks around trying to figure out where Donna opened hers.

Well, you think you just chop me in Half. Well!!!! I'll make bash your head a agaist a bulkhead. I hope you enjoy Windmills!!!

(Begins to sing "Lady Marmalade" The voices of divas begins to shatter their bones)

Kiehart collapses to his knees screaming. "I HATE THAT F***ING SONG!"

Suddenly, a redshirt, foaming at the mouth and carrying a flamethrower, appears. He lights the flamethrower and aims it at the Book Of The Sith....

HaHaHaHaHaHa!! Burn, mother****er!!! Burn!

Suddenly, the gasoline he soaked his hair in catches alight, and in a matter of seconds, he is incinerated. Strangely, the flamethrower itself in not even singed!

The three look at each other confused. The unspoken question that all of them are asking, where did that Redshirt come from?

Maybe he was from your squadron, the Banshees.

"No, I don't have any Redshirts in my squadron. Pilot's division wears grey shirts. Rocket Ranger's idea." Kiehart shrugs. "Well, let's blow this popscicle stand. Josh?"

Correction, sir. Fighter pilots, like your Banshee squadron pilots, are Greyshirts. Specialized combat pilots, such as Kent and Wayne ,are Silvershirts. Non-combat pilots, such as shuttle or cargoship pilots, are purpleshirts.

Helps prevent asking someone who is a pilot from flying a mission that they aren't suited to.

Tacoman to away team, how's it going down there?

Now, just for that, I will skip to the Christina Agul... Archer part! Yes, and I will simulate it as a duet with Britney Spears. No one, even you Kiehart could survive this. Ha! Ha! Ha!

(Begins to Power up ULTIMATE WINDMILL SONG ATTACK!!!)

Rikard, dancing to Lady Marmalade, stops for a second.

You know Kiehart, before you came to the LICC, a lot of the pilots were redshirts. Before I joined too. Here we go, I found the spot.

Rikard closes his eyes. Time seems to slow. Minutes pass, perhaps hours. kiehart approaches Rikard. He opens his mouth to speak. Suddenly, a portal opens kind of like the ones they used in "Sliders."
Rikard: Shall we?

Kiehart looks at the pilot, succesfully blocking out the song. "How did you get here? Get back to yoru fighter pilot! I need my people up in space covering us." He pulls out his sword and stabs the bottom half of the book. He pulls out his gun and blows out a window. He then chucks the book out the window.

Artsy takes a look around while everyone else is watching Enesku rip off her leash. The away team seem to have beamed onto a deserted platau. The earth and vegetation are muted shades of lavender and flame-blue. Trying out a new idea that had come to her while painting the LICC mural, Artsy takes a couple steps away from her teammates and changes color to blend in with the landscape--at first only her clothes, eyes, and hair (as usual), but then with more concentration, her skin as well.

Her voice echoes invisibly from behind Ojanon. "Hey, guys, look what I can do! Shall we move out?"

Suddenly out of the portal Rikard opened came Quinn, Wade, Rembrandt & the Professor, who landed on Kiehart. Then after getting up & dusting themselves off, they opened up a portal of their own and slid on out of there.

Clem-Bob: (turning to where Artsy was) Who said that? There's no one there!

Bob-Bob: Maybe it's The Invisible Girl?

Sue: No, I'm over here making a cameo for no good reason. Also I changed my name to The Invisible Woman years ago. (And then she disappeared)

Joe-Bob: Are things always this weird with you people?

Billy-Bob: Aren't you Frangelica? Didn't we meet while fighting an uprising of the undead on Dunwich VII?

Dunwich?! Oh, the Horror!!!!

Cootooloo!
Cootooloo!
Cootooloo!

Hey, I'm sue!