Previously on LICC.
Hey! Pay attention! I'm still talking!
The group split up into 2 teams. One team was...
Put down the remote!
Going after Donna who had become a villa...
You can go to the bathroom during the commercial!
The spidermobile went to Mortcarn which was being attacked. The attackers seemed to be...
Hey! Where'd you go? Oh, there you are.
Made up of 2 groups, pirates & Legate Arvinien's tr...
It's not that complicated. Just sit down & listen!
Arvinien was after 2 pirates named Hammer & Nail...
Yeah, that is kind of funny, isn't it?
Anyway the pirates tried to blow up the Spidermobile, but failed and left.
I didn't say you could leave. Sit!
Anyway a team has been sent down to try & capture Nail...
Huh? Oh, Hammer left.
Now the continuing adventures of...
Hey! You can talk to your family during the commercials!
(Roll credits)
Suddenly, in the Sith Outpost, melodious music is heard, and appearing, as if out of nowhere, is Trebleclefhead! He holds an object which resembles a firearm, but in fact it is soundwaves which come out of it, clearly the source of the music.
Enduring classics will always prevail over cheap passing fads!
The music pushes against that of the book, pushing it in and compressing the book down in on itself! The book, though not destroyed, is compacted down to a singularity!
By this time though, Rikard, had opened a portal and the three heroes walked through, but not before Kiehart pushed a button on his comm-link. Banshee took off into the air, and flew to join the orbiting squadron, the computer on-board sending a message to the squad about where the three were going. Kiehart left instructions for the sqaud to take Klassikos' and Rikard's vehicles in tow and head towards the location of Kiehart's signal, as soon as he sent one.
When the three exit the portal Rikard collapses suddenly very dizzy and nauseous. Kiehart is struk by how dark this planet is, even though the sun is clearly visible through the brown clouds. "What's wrong Josh." "This, this whole planet is permeated through and through with the dark side! Every molecule of oxygen, every insect, even the clouds, pulse with dark side energies. It's like the planet itself is a Sith lord."
Butrfli, who has been asleep for a while, sits up and looks around. She glances over to the cribs containing the children and calls the bridge.
Butrfli to Tacoman, what's going on up there? I suddenly had a strange feeling, like there was a powerful force near here...
Tacoman: Well, we at a planet, and we have an away team trying to find somebody. He has some powers that you might be able to pick up...
Butrfli: Ok...
Ojanon looks in Artsy's direction.
Nice trick. I could use my powers to make myself seem invisible, but I don't like doing it for extended periods of time. I usually do it to make myself seem to teleport, or appear out of nowhere.
He pauses, then scratches an itch on the exposed part of his face.
So, does anyone have any suggestions for what we should do now?
Meanwhile, back on the Spidership...
An explosion is felt... When the shockwave clears, something is different! Everyone has vertical ovals for eyes, as if they were... anime! When the crew tries to speak, it's as if they were badly dubbed!
Captain Tacoman: What Happen?
Communications Blueshirt: Somebody set us up the bomb!
Ensign Who/What/Idontknow: We get message!
What is the message, why are like this, and how do we get back to normal?
Tacoman begins to glow. A flash envelops him, and when things return to normal, he suddenly looks like Tuxedo Mask
Where is Sailor Moon?
Communications Blueshirt turns on the Main Screen
How are you gentlemen. All your base are belong to us!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Who did this???
Uh, is it necessary to explain that the Furby is suddenly wearing the Sailor Moon costume?
You have no chance to survive make your time.
Hahahaha.
We should rename the Spidership the "Comet" now. Where is Otto?
Crimson Crossbow walks onto the bridge. She is now dressed like Sailor Mercury, complete with blue hair.
Does anyone else have the sudden urge to watch an episode of Gekigengar III, or is just me?
Quantum Man is now wearing Speed Racer's outfit, complete with helmet and "Go Racing Team" polo shirt.
It's just you. But who is that guy on the viewscreen?
While he said that, his mouth obviously was trying to say something else. Also, a rotund kid and a monkey, both wearing beanies, did somersaults across the bridge, and then vanished.
Stephan! I was supposed to turn into Sailor Moon!
Stephan: I'm sorry my love. Shall I try again?
And have you mess it up again? No! Figure out what went wrong. I'm going to my quarters to have some strawberry juice & sing Disney songs!
(A blueshirt & redshirt were being transported to the planet to join the Away Team when the plot twist happened. The blueshirt arrives with a really big head of spiky hair & sporting a pair of goggles & holding a digivice. He is accompanied by what appears to be a tiny tyrannosaur wearing a redshirt.)
Tai: What the...?
Hi. I'm Redshirtmon. A rookie level digimon.
(Suddenly the Away Team is attacked)
Redshirtmon digivolve to... Deadmon
Tai (reading his digivice): Deadmon, a Champion level digimon who can possess the bodies of others.
A rare, and some believe mythical, creature that is similar to the Vampire of Earth legend. This alien creature drinks the blood of other creatures and harvests the midiclorians in their bloodstream to allow them to manipulate the Force at a level around that of a Jedi. It is believed that Lifeblood Drinkers must periodically replenish their supply of midiclorians or they will lose their ability to use the Force. Lifeblood Drinkers can supposedly make themselves invisible, communicate telepathically, & appear in other forms.
Killing a Lifeblood Drinker can be accomplished by running stakes or sharpened rods through their three hearts, or chopping their heads off, or disintergrating them with an energy weapon. The first two are not easy as the creature is reputed to create a shield which can block most physical weapons if it sees them coming, and sometimes the creature can lash out just before it dies.
Victims of attacks usually die, although sometimes they are reported to become zombielike or vampirelike. This condition is only believed to last for a few hours before they finally die.
see also: Vampire; Earth; Midiclorian; Force; Psychic Abilities; Jedi; Lifeblood Sorcerors
Captain Mask looks over at Furby Moon
A negaverse monster has taken control of Sailor Moon! I must save her!
The Captain pulls out a rose and throws it at the Furby.
Don't say Deadamon! Say Excessive Forcemon or Next dimentionmon.
The Turbolift opens and Adon steps out. His eyes are much larger then normal, and his hair is bright purple.
I don't know what happened here, but it makes me want to cry.
A pair of waterspouts gush from Adon's eyes, soaking Furby. Oddly enough, a tiny surfer appears on one of the waterspouts and proceeds to ride the wave.
Interestingly, Commander Milkshake has turned into a giant Charmander Milkshake...and Charmander Milkshake has turned into a miniature version of Racer X.
Char-char Mander Milk! - (This is not good. Is there some way to turn back?)
"You'll never find out!"
Hmm, the Spidership appears to have become the Megaspideroid. It is now composed of five smaller aracnidships. This isn't right... And why do I feel like flying now... Wait a second! I'm a small black Genie pygmy thing. Good Kami! What is happening? And why is my voice so annoying?
Kiehart seems shocked at rikard's observation about the planet. He pulls out his commlink to send the signal to call Banshee Sqaudron to them. He hits the button. then hits it again. the he starts punding the device. He finally gives up and stuffs it in his pocket. "Well, at least now we know why the Sith use portals to travel here. Josh, does your lightsabre work?"
Quantum Man's lips still do not match his words. He seems to speak rather rapidly.
I don't understand what is happening here. Who is that guy on the viewscreen? Why do we all look like this? What does the "G" on my shirt stand for, and where did my "Q" go?
Me had bad dream lately. A small furry creature was trying to marry me.
Like in the old times on Phantom Returns XII...
Two "bees", a "grashopper" and a "mouse" enter the bridge.
Maya aka Laalaa: Oh look, Willie, sooo many nice people here!
Willie aka Po: Maja, I'm hungry!
Flip aka Dipsy: Hahaha, I can't remember the time when you were not hungry!
Tinkywinky aka Alexander: Say "Cheese"!
Then they start to sing! Of course it sounds rather like this. Nice dub.
(A small lizard appears on the Bridge)
I am searching for Twinky Winky. The last time we met, he was screaming "Again, Again".
Jadlad who now has huge brown eyes, black hair a brown suit and large glasses gets up from the pseudoscience station.
Oh no! One of my weaknesses! Who thought two bees, a grasshopper plus a mouse who can all sing, a small lizard and me becoming an anime character would all happen at the same time!?
Mustresisturgeto...Love! Love! Love! Love! Love! HA! HA! YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Then he begins running around the ship courting all the female crew members and can't stop!
Sherry Lynn! My love! I want you to be mine!
He picks her up before she can protest.
Love! Love! Love! Love! Love! HA! HA! YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!!
He drops her when he sees Jennifer.
Jennifer! My darling love! I want you to be mine!
He picks her up before she can protest.
Love! Love! Love! Love! Love! YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!! WOO HOO!
(One of Adon's waterspouts hits Ensigns Who, What & Idontknow causing them to turn into women. They quickly flee the bridge trying to get away from Jadlad Masaki)
Eeeeeeeeek!
(As the attacking Mortcarnians approach the Away Team Deadmon possesses the bodies of one of them then yells)
Wait! These aren't our attackers! They're the League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions! They're here to help us!
(The Mortcarnians pause, still holding their weapons looking at the Away Team & back at the possesed Mortcarnian, unsure what to do.)
12 of 10 enters the bridge. She has large eyes, and spiked blue-green hair, and is wearing a pink, red, white and green outfit with a kimono-like top. Strangely, she is also floating through the air, instead of walking!
Tenc..er..Jadlad! Stop flirting with those girls and come flirt with me!
Butrfli sits up again, grabs the children, and goes up to the bridge. When she arrives, she's dressed like Sailor Mars and Fran is dressed like Mini-Moon. Logan, however, has taken the form of a white cat.
Could someone explain what the heck is going on, and why do I have a desire to throw fireballs various bad guys?
Captain, the situation is critical. I always thought this is a spaceship and not a kindergarden.
Eek Pokemon, stop eating the console over there!
Ok.. has anybody found a way for us to get back to normal... or at least as normal as we usually are?
very quickly takes control of the situation
Hi, we're the League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions. (Some of it, at any rate.) We're looking for a vampire pirate named Nail who's said to be operating in this area. We're on a mission to arrest him and return him to his government for trial. His government has promised us that they'll leave your planet in peace once justice has been done, and we'll be happy to do the same.
So if you could just tell me if you've seen any vampire pirates around, we can be on our way.
Grugghhhhkkkgrlaaaaghghghaghaghagh gr omph omph omph.
Er, um, thanks.
This fella says that two thugs jumped him and drank his lifeblood. Apparently they quarreled and one of them took a Frogship and left. And then the other one threw a big gray hood over his face and joined a mob of armed citizens who were going to attack some off-worlders.
Wait a minute...!
I'll handle this!
A non-possessed Mortcarian stands forward
I am 2nd Prefect Rougecloth of Mortcarn. I have been mostly concerned with the attacks from space, but I have heard of a couple of more personal attacks. I suspect there have been many more, but none have lived to report them.
He looks around for the nearest "Mortcarnian" in a grey hood.
Ojanon steps forward.
2nd Prefect, were any of the personal attacks, by any chance, within this vicinity? I'm picking up sensations of....fear, revulsion, and a sense of great loss in this area, but its not coming from any individuals I believe are here right now.
Not in this vicinity... but then, they were several days ago. There might have been some which happened nearby and recently which I don't know about.
Ojanon, behind you!
Ojanon spins around, Malachite Staff suddenly in hand and extended, and uses the weapon to trip a strange-looking being with some sort of fangs that was sneaking up on him.
Thanks for the warning.
He takes the end of the staff, and jams it against the being's throat with just enough force to hold it down without choking it.
What do you want? And the answer is Lifeblood, you'd best forget about it!
Watching from a distance, Nail laughs to himself. However he decides that it would be best to split the Lifeblood Sorcerer from the others, so he sends several vampirelike Mortcarnians to attack.
If Nail is "watching from a distance", who's this attacking Ojanon?
God?
Rikard hits his head a few times and shakes it as the dizziness passes.
Well here we are. Just thought I'd let you guys know, we're probably going to stick out more than a polar bear sitting in a crowd of penguins. They probably already know we're here. If we go anywhere than to wherever Donna is, they'll most likely end our happy lives of superheroics. Other than that, most of them won't care. It's Donna's fight and they aren't going to interfere with other Sith affairs unless they're allies or are working together for some ultimate goal, you know, besides the conquest of the Universe.
Kiehart stares off at a mass of ugly dead trees, barely noticing rikard's words. "I can still sense her. My sense obviously work differently froma Jedi's." He points. "She's in there, and I think she's alone. Let's go."
Now, if Kiehart or Rikard go in there and confront Donna, decapitate her, and her head changes to look like one of theirs....I'm writing a very nasty letter to K-NIT!
(Mistress, The plan is in motion, you may continue your training in the void)
Excellant.
Donna is on the Sith planet of the Void System. A small pocket of subspace, it's atmosphere is plasma. The only illumination is the ring of Pah Wraiths that orbit the planet. A variety of planetoids, rare metals and prisons orbit the main planet in the system, a hollowed out ball once used as a death star. The Only way to enter is to go through a wormhole of fire. Needless to say, very few lifeforms can exist here. Donna is one of them, as here training will quickly procede here.
But Kiehart still feels Donna in the Forest...
Hey, Dood, ya think Nail is stewpid, or sumthin'?
He's not going to attack Ojanon while he's surrounded by other superheroes & Mortcarnian's with weapons. He may be hard ta kill, but he's not invulnerable.
The thing that attacked Ojanon was probably one a them vampirelike things mentioned in the Lifeblood Drinker definition.
No doubt he's gonna try an' split 'em up an' go after 'em one at a time.
I wonder what Frangellica would look like as a Goth?
Tacoman to the away team, what's your status?
Tacoman wanders into the Ready room. When he emerges, he's greeted by guitar riffs
Hmm... interesting.
Sailor Scots! We must fight the forces of Evil!
Hey, Goth Viewer, why does your outfit look so much like mine?
The vampires close in on the four heroes, as, strangely enough, triumphant heroic music plays
All right... now I shall become... Enesku the Vampire Slayer!
She leaps up and begins a series of swirling, high-kicking, ninjalike movements. One vampire gets too close, and Enesku drives the spear into its heart.
Ha Ha Ha!
Enesku pulls out the spear, but the vampire still lives! Realising something, she pulls off the flint on the end of her spear, and drives it in. This manages to kill the vampire, but the others are already attacking Ojanon!
Och, captain. Our bagpipes will drive away most any evil.
they begin playing Amazing Grace
You Franks have no fashion sense, so you stole our style.
Oh, captain. Our country-and-western singing will drive away most any evil.
they begin playing (and singing) some cowboy song
a sound of a chainsaw is heard and everyone turns to see a girl wearing workboots & workgloves, a hardhat, lumberjack style shorts & suspenders and an Oregon Ducks sweatshirt
I am Sailor Oregon and I will cut evil down to size!
You know, it's getting crowded in here. I think I'll go out for a breath of fresh air.
If Evil were reduced in size, would that make it Mini-me instead?
If he wasn't shrunk all that much he would be Mid-Evil.
Now deal.
addressing the non-vampirian Mortcarnians
Get yourselves weapons, and find a way to distinguish yourselves from the vampires! A full-scale ground battle is beginning!
Sailor Scots, Scouts, Yanks, Pulls, and other Sailor people, we will fight the evils of the Negaverse, the Treeverse, and whatever other evil universes we will encounter!
Sailor Yanks, recrute the Furbies. Their singing would compliment yours.
Author's note: If it isn't clear, it was the spear, not the flint tip, which was driven into the vampire.
I know, it's like the "remove pin and throw" instruction for hand grenades.
[Kiehart, Klassikos and Rikard walk through the forest, following Kiehart's "instincts". The fog begins to obscure their vision, and any light there is starts to go away]
Kiehart, are you sure Donna is here?
[Three witch heads appear in front of them. It's quite clear that they're wearing turtleneck sweaters, presumably they want to give the impression of disembodies heads.
Head 1: Jaaaayson Kieeeeehart!
Head 2: Jaaaayson Kieeeeehart!
Head 3: Jaaaayson Kieeeeehart!
Head 1: Turn you back or dieeeee!
Head 2: Hasten ye awaaaaayyyyy!
Head 3: Or weeeee will slaaaayyyy!
Head 1: We waaaaaarn yeeee!
Head 2: Ye must fleeeeee!
Head 3: Yeee must flyyyy, or dieeeee!
All three cackle evilly, then disappear]
Very bad poetry, Kiehart.
[The fog is still everywhere]
It may be bad poetry, but with that funky techno-beat it's a hit in the dance clubs.
Seeing that Ojanon is beating off the fake vampires by the dozens (there ARE advantages to being a fully trained Lifeblood Sorcerer) and that "invisible" Artsy has just K.O.'ed several more, Frangelica picks up her cask of midifluorians and goes looking for the REAL Nail.
Well. Hmmm, okay, nothing about that in the Jedi archives that I have that I know of. Look, there's something up ahead.
The trio walks toward where Rikard pointed where they come upon yet another portal.
Great another one. Kiehart would you like to lead the way?
Kiehart: What? Why me?
Rikard: You are the mostly invulnerable one.
Kiehart: Oh yeah.
Kiehart walks towards it thens tops. "Wait. The only reason the portal would still be open is that whoever's on the other side is holding it open. It could be a trap." He pull out his sword, and leaps through. A swift kick knock him to the floor. Donna smiles at him. "I've been waiting for you."
Ojanon swings his Malachite Staff with a vengeance. In a swift flurry of blows, he smashes them about the head and chest with the weapon, each blow causing a burst of green energy where it hits that knocks the vampire unconscious.
This is getting to be tedious!
He puts both hands on the weapon, sticks it in front of his longways, and rapidly spins it in a 360 arc, much like a fan-blade. After several seconds, the weapon begins to glow very, very brightly, and fires a huge blast of green energy that smashes into the remaining vampires, obliterating the vampires directly in its path and either knocking out or driving back the rest.
Any time the rest of you feel like joining in, feel free!
Artsy's "invisible" form becomes yet harder to see as she begins to move faster than sight. Her duffel bag, which she had put down to practice her chamelon colors, is in the middle of the fight. Suddenly, it is jerked upward and disappears. Vampires all around begin changing color, being stuck to each other or to the ground.
For a moment Arsty appears next to Ojanon, shuddering and shaking her hands as if to get something off them. "Ugh, those things are dusty! And they feel so wierd!"
Ah, a good kick. I'm not really here, I learned to bilocate. One of the few things my mother gave me other than a killer figure. And even that comes through dieting and daily workouts. Two hours in the gym, 15 miles a day in running, 3 hours of dance lessions. I'm glad I do it in unsynched Wanderer Space, or my day is wasted. Heck, I haven't eaten Ice cream in years. It's not that easy mataining a perfect figure and breasts this size. Do you know how hard it is to keep balance when you are this top heavy? But anyways, this is silly. I'm not really here, just a projection is. But as a consolation prize, my major Henchmen is here. Meet Scarlette Sailor, a clone of Sailor Moon. She is really Britney from "Daria". In anycase she has two Saiyen Henchmen. Let's just say Sailor Moon's energy Aura has a very intresting effect on Saiyens.
(Donna Disapears)
Kiehart stands up rubbing his side. "Well, that explains why she left the portal open. A little help guys!"
Jadlad changes into an anime teen with a short ponytail when 12 of Ryoko of 10 gets his attention.
Oh, get serious 12 of Ryoko of 10.
Jennifer's hair turns dark purple and her eyes are now much larger. She has become...Princess Jennifer Ayeka! she enters the bridge and immediately gets jealous when she sees Ryoko trying to flirt with Jadlad.
If you lay your dirty hands on Tenc..er..Jadlad, you'll be sorry. I swear it. You'll be sorry! You hussy!
They each grab one of Jadlad's arms and begin pulling him like he was a rope in a game of tug of war.
Tacoman watches the tug-'o-war going on and begins to laugh
Be careful with him. Then again, I guess you could make a wish...
(The SNCW were also fighting using wooden tipped bullets, katanas, & garlic-smoke bombs)
(Deadmon had abandoned the Mortcarnian when the vampires attacked.
[The Mortcarnian had looked around, confused because he had no memory of what had just happened, but saw the attacking vamps & joined in fighting them.]
Deadmon tried to posses one of the vampire bodies, but couldn't because they weren't completely alive.)
Tai: Oh, no! Deadmon can't do anything against the vampires! I can't even fight back because my phaser turned into a digivice! Wait a minute, what's this?
(He picks up a crest)
Why it's the Crest of Kicking Evil's Butt!
(At that moment a vampire leaps at Tai, and the digivice & crest light up.)
Deadmon digivolve to... Poltergeistmon!
Poltergeistmon, an Ultimate level Digimon with the ability to move physical objects without touching them.
(The attacking vamp is hurled back into the other vamps.)
Watching from a distance, Nail is disappointed by recent events. He thinks, 'No! I had hoped to seperate them, but they are staying together. Except for that one woman. And I sense great power in her. Perhaps too much power for me to handle. I may have to retreat if she gets too close.'
(The four Saiyen go into Oozaru state (AKA Really big, really powerful, really angery apes, whose only weak point is the tail. They then begin to turn gold. Scarlet Sailor has the ability to push them to SSJ 4! ))
Oozaru 1; ARGGGGAH!!!!!. (Repetedly hammers his fist on Kiehart's head into the ground like a nail.)
Kiehart: Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
Oozaru 2: (Attacks Klassikos, but he barely flies away.)
Oozaru 3: (Reaches for Rikard; Rikard plunges light saber into O, only to find that beam cannot penertrate.)
The planet is beginning to shadder under the power of the creatures.
Kiehart angrily gets up. "Making me talk like a broken record makes me mad!" With a shout and a swift hand motion, a Wanderer portal is opened underneath two of the creatures, who fall through yiping. "Where'd you send 'em?" Klassikos asks. "The Sun."
Hey! Whoa! I'm not used to these things!
[The flying shoes dangle him upside down, and put him into other unbecoming positions, as he struggles (or sturggles, as the case may be) to regain balance]
Ojanon looks around at the fighting going on. He backs up to where no one can see him, and closes his eyes.
[Nail, I know you're behind this. You can run, but you cannot hide. Show yourself, coward!]
He opens his eyes, then rushes back into the fray. He grabs a vampire that is attacking one of the SNCW, and b*tch-slaps the daylights out of the creature before busting it upside the head with his Malachite Staff.
Okay, okay, I'm coming.
Rikard jumps into the portal.
Hmm. Apes. Okay. Oh wait, I saw this episode. I've got to cut off his tail!
He notices the planet is beginning to shatter.
Hey, maybe we should head back into that portal. •••••• Saiyan monkey things. Can't you just leave or something?
He goes for the tail, only to miss and nearly be kicked hard by the large Saiyen. A few more lunges, a few more misses and Rikard is getting tired of it.
Okay, try this.
Rikard throws his lightsaber at the tail, the creature easily dodges but turns its back on the young Jedi Knight. He pulls out his sword and jumps to the tail, slicing it off with one motion.
Well, that was interesting. Any bright ideas Kiehart?
(Geez, it even edits s-t-u-p-i-d)
Hail Klassikos! I am Apollo, God of Archery and a lot of other stuff. Shoot an arrow at the Tail of the third Saiyen. I shall guide it for you.
(Klassikos shoots an arrow. Saiyen is powered down)
Very good Klassikos, tell me, have you ever heard the myth of Hycanith...
M: Is it fixed yet?
S: Yes, my love. And I've fixed it so it will only affect people in this room.
M: Well if it doesn't work I'm going to beat you with this riding crop.
S: Yes, my queen. (to himself he thinks) Please beat me.
(Steven pulls the switch, there is a puff of smoke and when it clears Steven & Marissa look like two familiar anime characters)
M: Prepare for trouble
S: And make it double
M: My adventures will leave no one bored
S: And spelling errors shall be ingored
Both: Team Ratliff take off at the speed of write!
(Marissa looks at herself in the mirror then she grabs Steven by the ear)
M: Jesse doesn't have super-powers!
(And she begins beating Steven)
S: Ow! Ow! Ow! (to himself) Yes! Yes! Yes!
'Coward?' Nail sends back telepathically. 'You're the one protected by people with weapons & superpowers. Leave them there and face me alone.'
Hail, Apollo! It's not often I actually get to meet a god. I'm not counting dreams, because I suspect that isn't really them.
Hiacynth? [looks over at discussion board] Oh, dear...
Ojanon smiles deviously when he hears Nail's reply.
[Face you alone? My pleasure. Bring it on, Nail!]
Ojanon pulls his cloak in front of him, so no one can see as he pulls a flask out from under his robes and drinks from it. He closes the flask and replaces it, then drops the cloak back into place.
You are on your way to destruction. All your base are belong to us.
Tacoman looks at the screen
Get this person off my viewscreen.
Suddenly the Spidermobile computer's Digital Offensive Guardian System is activated & the D.O.G.S. chase C.A.T.S. offscreen and down the block, cosmically speaking, of course.
Who let the D.O.G.S. out? Ooh, ooh, ooh...
Ooh Andy, Ooh Ooh...
Hmm... This place is becomeing chaotic again... Let's hope we don't delve into the chaos zones again...
BRIAN Floyd the Barber?
Ooh Andy, Ooh Ooh...Can you SMELL...Ooh Ooh...Bring it On...Ooh Ooh...RR is the Coolest Hero Ever! ...Ooh.
Hey... didn't the Anime thing end with that Ratliff/Marrissa post up there?
Suddenly, an odd light envelopes the captain. When it disappates, Tacoman is wearing a trenchcoat, sports curly hair, and is carrying a horn. He goes to the various people on the bridge encouraging them to accept the various things from his pockets and shaking his foot. All the while, he honks his horn.
HONK! HONK!
An odd light also envelopes Quantum Man. He now has busy eyebrows, a thick mustache, glasses, and he's chomping on a cigar. He starts walking around the bridge, stooped over.
Now that's the most ridiculous thing I ever hoid!
So, Apollo, you being a pretty much omnipotent being and all, would you be willing to take us to wherever Donna is? Or just point us in the right direction?
Tacoman strides over to the replicator, punches a few buttons(With a boxing glove, no less) and a large harp appears in front of the captain's chair. He sits down, gets really serious, and begins to play the harp
Donna! You guys are fighting Donna! By my Father! Donna! I knew I should have never have gotton involved in this. Do have any idea how dangerous she is! All the Olympians save Zeus and Athene are terrified of her. The other gods know better and to stay enthroned in the heights of the heavens. The Supreme gods have been working day and night figuring what to do with her. Hades, they haven't even figured out what's ensocerling her. Even the King of Gods is silent on her. I cannot go with you agaist her. However, I will grant Klassikos the gift of foresight. I have to prepare for war.
Why would it end with the Ratliff/Marissa post? There was nothing in the post to indicate an ending.
getting a fix on Nail's position...
Ow. For some strange reason, I seem to have a momentary headache. And the bizzare sentiment has popped into my head, "I could take out Apollo with one hand tied behind my back."
Ojanon folowed the psychic trail Nail left and came to a clearing in the nearby woods and saw a shadowy figure waiting for him.
Kiehart sniffs the air. This is for effect, for his sense actually doesn't work through his nose. "She's still here. That kind of solid biotransportationthingamabob takes a lot of energy, ven over relatively short distances. I'll bet she's on the other side of the planet. Let's go."
Walks over to whateve anime character Milkshake is...
Glad to see you! I'm glad to be here... Actually, I'm glad to be anywhere! Especially since I may not be here. Say the secret woid and win $100!
Move all zig for great justice!
A large weight appears, suspended in midair. It has the legend "16 tons" on it. Suddenly it falls on both Marissa and Stephen, squashing them flat.
Applause is heard throughout the known multiverse.
Charmander Milk! Shake! Shake!
(The secret word is "Luxembourg".)
With a flash, Giant Charmander Milkshake transforms into Chico Milkshake!
I'm-a tellin' you boss, I've-a gotta bad-a feeling about this...
Say-a, where can a fellow a-get some-a hardboiled eggs around-a here?
Harpo Tacoman rushes over to where Quantom Groucho and Chico Milkshake are. He honks his horn a few times, points to the replicators, and pulls out an alarm clock from his pockets. He notices a shapely female ensign exiting from the turbolift and gives a whistle and waggles his eyebrows.
According to readings, several unreality particles are bombarding the ship. But there's nothing to worry about... except that fog that turns you inside out.
Oh, no, it's seeping in!
[The fog comes in through a vent. The blueshirt tries to cover it with his hands, but, since that is an illogical way to stop a gas, it comes in and turns him inside out.]
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
[He isn't killed, but he is now a deep pink color decorated by several internal organs. Strangely enough, no-one else is affected.]
Oh no! When I get a bad-a feeling, I'm-a usually right!
Chico Milkshake leans backwards onto the Psuedoscience Console, which opens a rift, sweeping Chico Milkshake, Harpo Tacoman and Groucho Quantum into the void and elsewhere in the universe!
Just before the Marx Crew gets swept into the void...
A duck falls from the ceiling...
You said the secret woid!
So Apollo, is that a "no" or what?
Notices that Kiehart is walking away.
Never mind. Thanks anyway man. Hey Kiehart, how do you propose to get to the other side of the planet quickly?
Thank you, Apollo. But remember, when you gave Cassandra the gift of foresight, none believed her, even when she predicted Agamemnon's - and her own - death.
Well, I predict we will find Donna when all three of us are still alive.
KAM--
Well, I thought these lines did:
M: Is it fixed yet?
S: Yes, my love. And I've fixed it so it will only affect people in this room.
(from the Ratliff/Marrissa post)
Kiehart stopped walking when he heard Rikard's question. He slaps his forehead. "Nice one dumbass." he muters to himself. he turns to face Rikard. "Well, I don't suppose you could open another Sith portal could you?"
Ojanon holds his Malachite Staff in his left hand. He closes his eyes and concentrates for a second. When he opens them, his eyes glow green for a second. He then charges and strikes at apparently nothing with a good, swift kick. Instead of hitting air, however, he nails (heh) Nail in the stomach, and Nail becomes visible as soon as the blow connects.
Never try that invisibility trick on a telepath!
He kicks Nail in the...nether regions. When Nail doubles over, Ojanon busts him across the nose with the Malachite Staff.
Tacoman looks at his new surroundings in surprise, and then at his companions questioningly. He pulls out a small rubber horn and presses it. it goes
Squeak? HONK! HONK!
I alone can't. I was only able to make the last one because someone else, who I assumed was Donna, had already made one. Can you make one of those Wanderer portals that you've gotten so good at?
Kiehart exhales heavily. "Well, there is a problem with that. I haven't figured out how to bring anyone through with me yet."
Ojanon backs up, giving Nail a chance to recover....
Beware, Nail. You don't know just how powerful I am in hand-to-hand combat. If you don't surrender, I'll be forced to use the no longer forbidden Boo'Yah technique!
(In Marissa's quarters, where they've been the whole time, Marissa & Steven, still looking like Jesse & James, pull themselves out from under the 16-ton weight.)
M: Because of you I'm now 2-dimensional!
(Marissa puts her thumb in her mouth, blows, and pops back to 3-dimensionality, physically anyway.)
S: But you're still lovel...wha...?!
(Marissa grabbed Steven and threw him over a convenient clothesline and starts hitting him with a rug-beater.)
(Below decks the Ranma-d Ensigns Who, What & Idontknow are suddenly affected by a batch of unreality particles and turn into the Three Musketeers, although Porthos, for some reason, looks like a cross betweeen a human and a beagle.)
All for one...
And one for all!
Ruff! Ruff!
(They are then joined by a shirtless Sulu as D'Artagnon, and started roaming the corridors looking for trouble with swords drawn.)
Nail uses the Force to throw Ojanon back toward the shadowy figure, which was a psuedo-vampire Mortcarnian that Nail had hoped would trick Ojanon. As the psuedo-vampire attacks Ojanon, Nail pelts the Lifeblood Sorcerer with rocks and branches. Ojanon fights valiently against the onslaught and manages to destroy the psuedo-vampire when Nail leaps on him raking him with his claws. Ojanon drops to the ground and Nail prepares to feed.
Found him!
checks to see that no one is watching, then apparates into the wooded area where Nail and Ojanon are fighting. She stifles the urge to cry out, "Ojanon!" in a particularly distracting manner.
If I interfere at this point, Nail will probably drop everything and run, which will do nobody any good. I think I will trust to Ojanon's ability to beat this wacko off and not try anything obnoxious.
Frangelica winces as she sees Nail pounce on her friend, but she controls herself. Silent and unseen, she spreads a ring of midifluorians around the clearing where the men are struggling.
Ojanon manages to knock Nail off him with a flip, then gets up and grabs his Malachite Staff.
That's it. I didn't want to do this, but you've forced my hand. Cower in fear as I unleash the fury of The Boo'Yah Technique!!!
Ojanon begins to move like a living whirlwind, smashing Nail at least fifty times with his Malachite Staff in a matter of seconds. Ojanon finally stops and spins the staff in a 360 degree arc, before delivering a blow to the bridge of Nail's nose that hits with a sickening crack. Ojanon taps the staff against the ground as Nail falls over, apparently dead.
Booyah!
Ojanon walks over to Frangelica, obviously exhausted.
If you would be so kind, would you please have Nail beamed up to the spidership and placed in stasis, before he recovers? And have me beamed to sickbay...
Ojanon barely manages to say `sickbay' before he passes out, drained by using the Boo'Yah technique.
[sung to the tune of the Yale fight song -- Boolah boolah!]
Boo'yah boo'yah! Boo'yah boo'yah! Boo'yah boo'yah, boo'yah boo!
Nail is beamed up to the ship, but before he can be put into stasis he uses the Force to throw crewmembers away from him. Nail staggers into the hall and rasps, "You haven't seen the last of m... gahhhh...." as the Three Musketeers run their swords through his hearts and Sulu cuts his head off.
Thank you for your assistance, League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions! You will always have a special place in our history books. But perhaps I should contact your ship?
(A glorious figure appears)
HA HA HA. I am Hermes, god of Merchants, theives, and P.R. chair of the gods. Apollo had it all wrong, we could easily take out Donna. But fighting her would be below us. In response to Kiehart's prayer, I grant him the HAT OF BRAVERY. I bid thee farewell.
(Latter on Olympus)
Zeus: Did you clean up that Donna thing?
Hermes: Yep they fell for it. I also got one of them to wear a •••••• hat.
Zeus: While it is true, I could fight Donna, but I have a hot chick to transform into a seagull for.
Jupiter: Hey Zeus! I heard you were too weak to fight Donna! You corpulant wuss.
Zeus: I knew the neighborhood was doomed when that Roman Family moved in. Hey Jupiter! At least I have a mythlogy.
Jupiter: At least my family isn't dysfunctional.
(This could go on for several thousand years.)
Jupiter is a fake version of Zeus, not a whole different god. Unless he is some sort of clone.
Back in his office, 2nd Prefect Rougecloth hails the LICC.
Thank you for your assistance...
He discovers that no-one is listening to him, that the bridge is amok with several strange characters running around.
Meanwhile, Tacoman and company explore their new surroundings. On a nearby wall, they discover a red button with the words "press here" written above it. When Tacoman presses the button, a bright flash envelopes the group. The flash subsides, and they find themselves back aboard the Spidership, back to normal. Tacoman looks up at the screen and notices the Prefect.
Assistance? You mean the away team caught nail? Good for them.
You're welcome, by the way.
Now, we need to get the bridge back to relative normality...
Suddenly, there is a stream of multicolored light entering the bridge from the front. It assembles itself into a young man in a jester's costume.
Muahahahhaaa! So, you're back to normal now. Or at least, as normal as you normally are. I think I'll just set things right. Or should that be, set things "re-write!"
He turns Tacoman into a taco with arms, legs, and a face.
And now...
He changes Commander Milkshake into a milkshake in a glass with soldier's stripes, and a face, arms and legs. Colanator becomes a cola bottle with cybernetic appendages, and the body of Nail into a nail, with the "head" removed.
Oh, wait, I forgot the old adage. Never Byrne your bridges.
He sets everything right, and disappears in a similar fashion to that in which he appeared.
Well, Kiehart, I guess you'll just have to go without us. Or at least me. Unless Klassikos has a way to get to wherever Donna is quickly. By the way Kiehart, do you know exactly where Donna is or the general direction or what?
Next board, please, Rikard!
*Attention! This board is DONE. Please proceed to the next one*