Kiehart: Hello. It's now time for my favorite part of the show where we deal with those three little words men find so hard to say,

Audience: I, DON'T, KNOW!

Kiehart: Heh heh. Yeah. Joining me for this edition of Ask the LICC is Captain Tacoman

*applause*

Kiehart: and his evil counterpart Taconator!

*booing*

Taconator: It's a TV show! Get over it!

Kiehart: OK, here's our first letter.

Dear LICC,

My mom is an exotic dancer, as is my grandmother, and all of my aunts. As you can imagine there is great pressure to get into the family business, but I'm not sure I want to shake my stuff on stage. What should I do.

Signed,
Bob.

Bob? That's a funny name for a girl.

ANY FORM OF DANCING WILL BE OUTLAWED IN MY NEW ORDER. IT IS COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE, AND I AM SURE THIS 'SHAKING OF STUFF' WILL BREED UNNECESSARY ELEMENTS INTO MY CYBERNETIC NETWORK. YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR FAMILIAL UNITS TO CAST ASIDE THEIR IMPERFECT HUMAN TENDENCIES AND JOIN MY COLLECTIVE!

Enesku enters from a side door.

Hey, Jase! Can I answer some questions?

she puts her head to one side and winks, tossing her generous mane behind her and smiling charmingly

Suddenly the heavily armed Imperial Furby Dancing Corps appears behind Taconator and performs the Can-Can. (What else?) Of course the Furbies are shaking their stuff...

Dear K-NIT TV-47,

This letter is to inform you that you are the subject of a class action lawsuit on behalf of the millions of viewer who were struck blind by the preceding scene, entitled "A Surprise for Taconator".

We are suing you for... ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS (puts pinky to mouth).

Sincerely,

Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe, Attorneys at Law

Well, Bob... If you know of a club that has an amature competition or amature night, you can try that to see if the dancing agrees with you. If you don't like it, you could either attempt to explain the situation to your family, or you could get another job at the club, like bartender...

Kiehart: Hello everyone! It's time for my favorite part of the show where we deal with those three little words men find so hard to say,

Audience: I, DON'T, KNOW!

Kiehart: Heh heh. Yeah. But before we get to the questions, I'd just like to addres any concerns you may have about my being here, especially after leaving the show. Well, as it turns out there was a misprint in my agent's copy of my contract. Suffice it to say I breached the contract by leaving six months early. And the only I could avoid being sued to death by the people at K-NIT was to agree to host the "Ask LICC" segment for, well, the rest of my life.

*someone in the audience coughs*

Kiehart: OK, now let me just address some of the e-mails I got after my departure from the series before we get to the question of the week. Um, let's see, well, my ass is just above my legs, and a hole in the ground would be, probably, below my feet. Thank you for that e-mail. Here's another one, let's see. Uh, as for as I know I have BRAINS for brains, but thanks for your concern. Oh, here's a serious one, from a Mr Chondo of Kimodo Island. Oh, OK, this isn't really appropiate for air, so let me just say sir, about your headache, it's pronounced ANalgesic. You take the pills in your mouth. Now, let me intorduce my two special guests, then I'll read the question!

Stoopid Kid in the audience: FINALLY!

Kiehart: Shut up you little weasel! Now, my guest today are the new head of the League, my good friend Captain Milkshake!

Milkshake: COMMANDER, Jason. Commander.

Kiehart: Whatever. And next to him is another regular, the, um, rumbustuous Enesku.

*men in the audience start makign various chauvenistic comments and noises*

Enesku: Oooh, thank you!

Kiehart: OK, now here's our letter.

Dear LICC,

I'm thinking of asking my girlfriend to marry me. What do you guys think about marriage?

Signed,
Paid Too Much For This ••••••• Ring

Kiehart: Well, I'm, not married myself. Not putting it down, it's just a tough decision in life. Married or single. It's like when the doctor asks you, "Ointment or suppository?" You have to compare the disadvantages of each. Do I want to single and run around in bars with a bunch of different morons, or do I wanna be married with a family, and stay at home with the exact same group of morons. Do I want to go out every night talking about a bunch of stuff I'm not really interested just to see if I get some sex out of it, or do I want to be married, talking about a bunch of stuff I've heard before just to see if I get some sex out of it. Do I want to go sneaking off to the bathroom a lot of nights with a dirty magainze, OR do I wanna be single. These are the choices we all must face. There's not easy. Let us pray we have the wisdom.

Suddenly the heavily armed Imperial Furby Dancing Corps appears behind Mr.Kiehart and his guests and performs the Can-Can - again. Kiehart&Co don't turn around - a very wise idea...

*Intermission*

After the comatose viewers are carried away the program continues.

Kiehart: Can I just kill them the next time they come through?

Segmet Producer: No.

Kiehart: D@mn.

Is that Kiehart's e-mail address?