WackaWacka!

*sees Insane*

Oh, Hi Insane. Meet me in Antigravity chamber #2. I'll wear the Fembot outfit.

For the six months he had been away from the LICC, Insane had often thought of Donna. He had realised that maybe, she was not the one for him, that her pretty... face... was not enough to exalt her above Enesku, who he supremely disliked. Also, she was not a jedi, but some kind of life form he didn't really understand. She also could never decide whether she was good or evil. When he returned to LICC, and been told about her transformance int Majin Donna, he had not been surprised, and had in fact taken it surprisingly well. He understood that, in the unlikely chance Donna should reappear, she would still be full of surprises, in one of the worst possible ways, and that he would finally put his decided lack of interest in her into practise.

All this flies completely out of the window when he sees her again, and he kisses her on the lips. When he finally pulls away, he is slightly at a loss for words.

Um... isn't that a little... uh... can't we just get something to drink or eat... or both... at Zen-Forward... instead of all this? For now, at least?

Kiehart sighs. "You're right Captain, you didn't have a choice. Doesn't mean I have to be happy about it though."

-

Meanwhile, the scientists who created the maligned Ebonic Plauge earlier in the year sit and watch the simulation of their latest creation.

Scientist 1: This is my best virus yet! Once inserted into the crew it will turn them intoemoitonally damaged children that can only feel better by constnatly insulting and belittling others!

Scientist 2: Sir, why do we come up with these st*pid viruses? They never work. TerrSec is practically moot now that the Pres has appointed that panel to end corruption. And the LICC always wins! They'll beat this virus, just like all the others, and if we try to take over the Spidership we'll have our behinds handed to us! So why? Why do we keep infecting them with these bizarre ailments?

Scientist 1: Well it's a laugh isn't it?

Donna had just scanned Insane with empathy. She got the descriptive message of "He's hiding something", which she could already tell through his kiss, which he communicated "I am concerned about our relationship, really concerned. Basically your're a genenged psycho with a persona that dosen't make any sense." So she decided to answer.

I understand Insane, there's really no room for romance in our superhero world. I mean, Lois Lane chased Clark Kent around for 40 years before he proposed. Heck, we all know how well Bruce Wayne' lovelife went. Peter and Gwen, yeah, I don't want to end up moaning over your death for the next 12 years. And never forget that ugly Birdman/ Gravity Girl divorce. Maybe we will pass through a time warp or a space of time or something, and we'll have a relationship between sagas. Also, I had a vision of some bad plot strings approaching, and we really need to keep our heads clear. But we can still have dinner.

A bluish flash appears on the bridge. Taking some of them by surprise.

Well, I'm done visiting the LICC HQ and the "Coalition of Incredibly Great Amazing Dudes".

What did I miss?

Donna, I never said, or thought, anything about romance not working in our superhero world. But... you are a deranged psycho with a persona that doesn't make any sense.

Kiehart, you've got a point.
Jadlad, you havn't missed much.. just some odd wackyness and some ideas of where to go for fun.
So how is the CIGAD doing?

"... you are a deranged psycho with a persona that doesn't make any sense"

erupts in peals of laughter

you are a deranged psycho with a persona that doesn't make any sense

Yeah, but LOOK AT THAT BODY!

Stuff your ears full of cotton, and leave her room after she falls asleep.

Jadlad: What did I miss?
Tacoman: You havn't missed much.

And if you to would like to forget what happened on boards I-III of LICC 3, then try a glass of nice refreshing Milk of Amnesia™.

Takes a sip Aaah...

Yes, nice, soothing Milk of Amnesia™ will help you forget those... um... forget those those... uh...

Takes another sip

Well, I'm ready to start when you are.

We've already begun? I don't remember that.

Another sip

What am I doing here? Who are you? What is this place?

I guess I did forget that Jadlad wasn't here to see the Spidership I... or our fight with Taconator...
and baaa! Baaa!

And once I've turned the entire team into sheep I'll rule the world!
Bwahahahahaha baaa baaa

Then again, perhaps I haven't completely thought this whole thing through?

Help! I'm lost! Little Bo Peep is too busy plotting to take over the world and she doesn't know where to find me!

I guess I'll just have to wag my tail...

"Everyone seems to be getting in touch with their Frank sides, as several important people on Earth, and allied planets, have started changing their name to Frank. They have started wearing the costumes of the Frank Conspiracy and acting in a manner which they have never acted in before. Neither President Fleem nor Vice-President Absurd has had any objections to this turn of events, and the latter in fact appears to be overjoyed that his name has become so popular. As we all know, he is Frank Lee Absurd."

Derranged? I thought you thought "genenged" which is slang for Genetically Enginered. Well, I understand,

Looks at the News broadcast
Oh, for the love of Ccabe, Not the Franks. Insane, why don't we go to Zen Forward. We can have dinner, and be in another part of the ship if a attack comes, like that episode with Picard and the children.

The Franks on Earth? Milkshake, this sounds like a job for the LICC!

Can I have a Frank with Frankenberry Sauce?

Note: When I said that the thoughts `fly out of Insane's head' I meant that they disappear from his mind. I didn't mean it telepathically. And I didn't know what `genenged' meant, I assumed your keyboard had glitched on `deranged'.

For some reason, Donna turns into some guy holding a gaint Hershey bar.

Huh?

She then changes back.

Ooookay.

A job for the LICC, captain? The Franks are surely nothing to fear.

AAAAAGH!

PESTI IS GOING TO HAVE DINNER WITH INSANE!!!

*dives out a window*

Zen Forward
And I'll have... plain hot tomato soup. On pasta. Ordinary wheat pasta, in twists. I don't know the Italian word. Wait, make it tricolored. But natural colorings, I'm not having anything smeared with rock oil or plutonium.

The robotic waiter leaves to carry out his order.

I don't trust the food they serve here. You have to describe everything exactly or they give you the wrong thing.

The food is placed in front of PD Insane.

Thanks.

He scoops some up on his fork, and then realises blue veins are standing out on his hand. 'Oh, no,' he thinks, 'it's happening again!' The veins start appearing on his face, and he gasps. He collapses...
.
.
.
.
...and wakes up in his quarters. The lights are out, and he feels fine.

Computer, lights.

The lights go on, and Insane looks at his hands. They are fine. He looks in the mirror - his face is fine. Once his uniform is on he goes up to the bridge.

Once he has entered he goes over to the forward-facing Tactical station behind the captain's chair. A yellowshirt is sitting over the console. Insane taps him on the shoulder, and the yellowshirt turns round. It is Lieutenant Frankovsky.

Frankovsky! But you're d-d-d-d-dead! The Franks killed you!

Frankovsky: "Franks?"

The Frank Conspiracy! About a year ago they attacked us, you were the first killed.

Frankovsky obviously doesn't understand what his comrade is talking about. "I've never heard of any Frank conspiracy. It must have been a dream."

An idea comes to Insane and he doesn't like it. Quickly, he asks Captain Tacoman, What's the stardate?

"Stardate 01083002," the captain replies. Just then, Enesku gets up from a console. The LICC first encountered her after the Frank attack, obviously he has not been constantly dreaming since then. "And what was the last thing that happened?

"Q-dzilla played his games with us."

That checks out. But he remembers, usually when he has dreamed something, he knows its unreal nature soon after it is over. But he still remembers the Frank encounter like it really happened. Maybe someone planted the memory in his mind?

Do you remember... the Franks?

Captain Tacoman looks surprised for a brief moment, before saying, "Yes, of course."

Insane leaves the bridge and enters the turbolift.

Deck 5...

The turbolift doesn't respond. After a few seconds, a computer voice speaks. "This turbolift is currently faulty. Please try again later."

He leaves the turbolift and walks back onto the bridge. As he enters, he hears Commander Milkshake say the words... "I think he's onto us." He then stops, sees Insane, and shuts up.

On to you?! How?!
.
.
.
.
.
... he wakes up again in sickbay. The Holodoc looks over him.

That was all a dream, he realises. Frankovsky is still dead, the Franks are real. But what had he just experienced? To coherent and realistic to be a dream. It couldn't be a vision of the future. A glimpse into an alternative universe, perhaps?

"You're free to go. Remember to transport yourself every so often," the Doctor says.

A sleek-looking Starfleet ship comes alongside the Spider. Written on it is TSS Dauntless.

"They're hailing us," reports Enesku, on duty at communications.

On screen the bridge of a ship appears. The man in the captains chair is about 40, and wearing a black outfit with the number '47' on backwards. He is also wearing much in the way of chains and studs. All the other crewmembers on the bridge are dressed almost identically. The captain speaks

"This is Captain Murdoch of the Dauntless. We understand you have an aversion to the Franks. This is not a good thing. If you do not become Franks soon enough we will be forced to take whatever means necessary to change you. You remember what happened last time."

Red alert! Shields up!

Fire the anti-Frank weapons! Release the hounds!
Tacoman activates the internal comm system
Tacoman to all hands, be prepared for an invasion of Franks...again... Thank you.

Captain, it's time for lunch. Can I offer you a Frankfurter?

Just then, Two Guys Named Reg appear again. They quickly label Ensign Frank before he can convert the captain. That done, they say...

An entire ship full of Franks. This could be beneficial to our intelligence organization. Captain, do not destroy that ship. Disable it, instead. If we can capture it, we may be able to defeat the Franks once and for all.

[BEGIN STEREOTYPED SOUTHERN ACCENT]
Ah say! Ah say, that we all heah in Congress need t'be investigatin' them thar Franks. After all, we're the ones with the Frankin' Privilige.

Ah say if anybody's gonna be doin' any Frankin' 'round heah, it's gonna be us!
[END STEREOTYPED SOUTHERN ACCENT]

After Insane passed out, Donna returned him to his quarters, at least she thinks she does. She decides to go to the Arcane Magic Lab, and devise a spell to stop computer reprograming Frank Scientists from releasing the Ebonic Virus. She then realizes something
Computer, Run a simulation, Borg vs. Frank, then run Vampire Vs. Frank. I want you to then create a holographic simulation of both. Then Run the Simulation on Pay per view. When the Franks see how badly they would do in combat agaist vampires and borg, they will leave the sector. Hmm, where to get some Vampires and Borg.

Computer: Borg nanoprobes and a Vampire's cloak are located in the High risk items vault on deck ten. Vampiric Blood is kept on reserve in Sickbay. Two redshirts are the seventh son of a seventh son, and will rise as vampires after death...

Donna: Okay, okay thank you. Can I access the vault.

Computer: No, you are a deranged psychotic with a persona that dosen't make sense. You must wait five days, for a background check.

Donna: Fine, I'll use the spell books to create Vampires, and then I'll order a Android kit from the Red Ribbon Army, Will that be acceptable?

Computer: No, All your Base are belong to Frank.

Donna: Great...

A shimmering transporter beam appears on the bridge. A Galactic Express (GalEx) courier beams in.

Which of you is Captain Tacoman?

Tacoman indicates he is. The courier hands him a sealed letter.

This is a subpoena to appear in front of the Terran Senate Subcommittee investigating the misuse of the Franking Privilige. They expect you there Next Tuesday™.

The GalEx Courier beams out.

Fire all weapons at the Frank ship's weapons and engines only.
Reg and Reg, go about the Spidership curing anybody already affected by the Franks and any Frank carrying viruses that may have been brought aboard.
As for this letter, I was dealing with the Frank Conspiracy, and not the Franking Privilage... Unless that's become part of the Conspiracy too...

Artsy and Rikard have just begun discussing the piloting basics he is planning to teach her when the Red Alert klaxons start blaring. Rikard leaps up to report to the bridge and Artsy follows him.

The update they recieve makes Artsy flash a harsh shade of greenish blue. "The Franks?! Oh Light...I hope I don't have to meet any of them again." For the first time in a long while, she starts unconsciously rubbing at her crystalline ring.

In this corner Vampire. And in this corner Frank!

(Frank Throws a few punches, Vampire counters attacks and feeds.)

Now Frank vs. Borg
(Frank stumbles around, grabbed by borg, and assimilated.)

Beware Franks, we have Borg Vampires, and they will kill you. All Hail LICC!!!

Yeah, if I remember correctly, these guys put me into a coma. Or maybe it was before then. I can't seem to remember. Anyway...

Rikard relieves the officer at the conn.

Adon was walking down a corridor, when he suddenly felt that something was out of place... And that someone was sneaking up behind him.

Before the Frank could do anything, he was suddenly lifted off of the floor and slammed into the ceiling. Then he dropped to the floor. And then he was lifted off of the floor and slammed into the ceiling. Then he dropped back onto the floor. This happened several times. Adon was facing the other direction and didn't seem to notice the commotion (and violation of the laws of gravity) occurring behind him. At last, the Frank stopped moving and Adon turned around.

You people again? If you're here, then I had better get to the bridge in case you guys have taken over that.

"This just in. Galactic Congress has a new Chairperson. His name is Frank O'Flattery and he will be making changes, sure enough. Many of the congresspeople from the southern half of the United States of America are, shall we say, a little irritated."

Kiehart groans. "Not the Franks again. Oh well, I better get the fighter bay ready. We'll just have to use half of Yellow Sqauds ships when we head out."

In Zen Forward....

What's this for lunch? Frank-o American Frankfurter-o's? Yum!

He eats one, and turns into a Frank.

[Meanwhile, Klassikos {remember him?} is oblivious to the events which unfold elsewhere on the ship, he is in his quarters. Until now he has been alone in his quarters, but now he is not. What's more, the other person is female.]

Athene!

[And Athene it is. The ancient Greek deity for whom the city of Athens is named has appeared on the Spidership III, in the quarters of Klassikos. And he knows that this is no illusion. As she appeared before Ulysses in times gone by, now she has appeared to him.

"You have the armor, but there is much else you have to find," she tells him. "I can't tell you what there is, or where, but they are all on Earth. What fun is there in being a deity if you do and say everything yourself?" She smiles, and vanishes.]

Then the armor is that given to Achilles! That must have been real, because I usually dream about Aphrodite. What else could I find? The bow of Ulysses, perhaps, which he used to slay the suitors of Penelope?

All the same... computer, who has been in these quarters for the last half hour?

[Computer: Klassikos and an unregistered powerful metaphysical entity.]

What is the identity of that... entity?

[Computer: Closest match - the Greek goddess Athene, known as Minerva to the Romans, patron diety of Athens as well as representing wisdom...]

All right, enough.

[He opens a communication channel to the bridge from a commpanel in the wall]

Captain, permission to take my ship to Earth.

Donna is reading a spell book.
Hmm. Words of power. I like that spell. But I better work on the Vampire Borg. Hmm, Computer,

Computer: All your base are belong to Frank.

Donna: But Computer,

Computer: All your base are belong to Frank.

Donna: Great, why not a Sith lord, or a Vampire, or Taconator, or Terrasec. Heck, Pokemon has more complex and original villians. At least we are not fighting the DBZOA. Thank God for that. Effi'n Red Dwaft. Even those guys from that Daft Punk video are better than Franks...

Her eyes flash
A cast Anti-Frank Spell on my sword.

Donna's sword glows a white color.

The Franks seem to be converting the crew from the inside. With your permission, Captain, I'd like to try and locate whatever the Franks are using to spread their influence. It must be inside the ship.

Observer, do it.
Helm, set a course for Earth, maximum speed. We need to stop the Franks before they take over the entire galaxy! the O'kaks on Earth, the Franks on Earth.. can't the poor planet get any peace?

Another(!) transporter beam materializes a man on the bridge. He is wearing a khaki outfit that was popular among explorers in the early 20th Century, like the mid-1930s. He wears a hat and carries a bullwhip... He speaks...

Franks. Why did it have to be Franks?

The transporter beam whisks him away, but the Evil Executive will no doubt get ticked off...

A hatch in the floor of the bridge opens and a Frank flies out and sticks to the ceiling. Adon also flies out of the hatch, but he preforms a graceful landing next to the tactical console. The frank falls from the ceiling down the hatch, which closes behind him.

Those guys are everywhere. The Turbolift seems to be packed with them so I decided to take the stairs.

Meanwhile, on Earth, a fortress is being constructed by Franks. Many years ago the leader of the Dark Side of the Frank Conspiracy had a hidden fortress in a forest on Earth, from which the evil Franks would set out and do his bidding. Three kids were sent in to investigate the matter, armed only with a video camera. They ddin't come out for a long time, and when they did, they had all changed their names to Frank.

The Spidership heads straight for Earth at maximum warp, the Dauntless giving pursuit. However, since the Spidership was designed to be the fastest thing from Earth, the Dauntless lags behind.

The Franks are `converting' people, Captain? I didn't know being a Frank was a religion. On the other hand, they are very devoted to it.

He has another dizzy spell, and collapses on his console...
.
.
.
.
... "Wake up!"

Lieutenant Frankovsky shakes Insane by the shoulders. Insane opens his eyes. The ship is not traveling at maximum warp or on red alert status, nor is anyone showing any signs of desperation. Insane also realises he is at the main forward-facing tactical station, instead of the inward-facing tactical II station he was at before. Adon, who had previously been at tactical, is nowhere to be seen.

"You fell asleep at your post," Commander Milkshake reprehends him. "Just as well we don't need anyone at Tactical."

Two minutes later, Insane and Frankovsky are walking down a corridor.

Something's definitely up. Monitor me whenever I fall asleep again.

"I'll see what I can do."

Insane returns to his quarters....
.
.
.
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... "Wake up!" It is Enesku.

Insane realises he is back on the bridge, the ship is still at maximum warp and at red alert status, and he is still at Tactical II. Adon is at Tactical I and Enesku opposite him at communications.

Sorry. I must have drifted off.

"You can't drift off in the middle of a space-chase," Enesku reprehends him. "Just as well we have Adon at Tactical!"

*sigh...*

I hope the Franks don't get Frangelica. Can you imagine the power that a Frank-gelica would give the Frank Conspiracy?

Tacoman looks at Insane
We may need to monitor you. I'll contact sickbay.
Tacoman to sickbay, we need a Cordical Monitor up here for Insane.
In sickbay, a couple of Franks are confronting Butrfli as the call comes in
Butrfli to bridge, I'm a little busy right now, but when I get through with the Franks, I'll bring one up.
Butrfli begins to chant, and a ball of dough develops in front of her and flys toward the Franks, enveloping them. The dough solidifies into a a roll, covering the Franks.
Franks in a bun. Now, where's the ketchup? I really relish this part of the job.

Donna is surrounded by Franks

Excuse me, your curly hair is really dumb.

Frank: All your frank are belong to frank.

Donna: Okay, now that one just didn't make sense. SPIN SWORD ATTACK!!!

*Donna spins herself round, right round, like a record spinning, right round round round*

Frank: Ahhhh! The sword has hurt us? But how, we are Franks?

Donna: That's right, because it is the JESUS Sword.

Frank: Jesus has hurt us.

Frank2: Jesus is causing us pain.

Frank 3: Jesus is going to kill us all.

Donna: Darn right. "And I shall make swords out of plowshares. Jesus Plowshares"

(Donna and Jesus cut the franks apart.)

A second bluish flash appears on the bridge. It looks like Jadlad except he has white hair and picture of TV's Frank on his chest. It's Franklad!

Franklad rushes over to the pseudoscience station and begins pushing buttons, pulling levers and typing like crazy.

There. You'll never win! I Franklad have prevented you from using this to defeat us with a few commands.

Frank Power!


He disappears from where he came from and Jadlad rushes over to his station and tries a few commands.

He's right Captain. All it does when I try to do anything with it is say "All your base are belong to Frank".

I hope they didn't infect the whole crew in Franklad's dimension, or we may run into a "Frankship". Shudders at the thought.

runs over to the Internal Sensors and scans the Spidership

According to these sensors, most of the yellowshirts, redshirts and blueshirts have become Franks. I must find the team leader and talk with him.

He lifts up the hatch and jumps down, making sure no Franks get up. As he runs through the ship's corridors he sees that everyone is in Frank costume. They don't follow him, however.

As he runs, the background and Franks begin to blur. A shape appears ahead of him. Curiously enough, although the shape isn't running or giving any appearance of moving, it stays the same distance away from him. It forms into an anthropomorphic shape, and finally into an individual, one he knows regrettably well.

Neither male nor female, or perhaps one trying to hide it, or even both*, s/he is Roani, the evil mastermind who once had designs on the armor found by Klassikos and integrated into Insane's lightsaber. Roani had used a fake distress message to lure Insane, and only him, to hir base. When that plan didn't work, s/he took remote control of the ship itself. Insane had managed to defeat hir, and had seen hir base blown up. Evidently s/he had more up hir sleeve.

"You are so close to the truth..." s/he says

The truth of what?

but s/he vanishes...

The background comes back into focus again

*the pronouns used are `s/he' and `hir', these are terms used in the New Frontier series.

Two Guys named Reg, do whatever you need to do to cure the crew... but don't interpret that as actually destroying the ship.
Tacoman hears an odd noise and looks up. A Frank on the ceiling decloaks and pounces on Tacoman...

Donna is walking, She encounters a Frank every few seconds, but Jesus kills them. She bumps into...

Insane? Are you ok? Well, other than the army of Franks, quickly, I'll save you.

Donna casts *STUN AREA SPELL*, and then drags Insane into the ... Chapel. No religous symbolism here, just looks like it
"Okay, Insane" as she lays him in a pew, "You will be better" Purify Wounds!!! "Just rest."

An electronic `Hail to the Chief' wakes Insane up in his quarters.

Lights!

The lights go on.

Enter.

Lieutenant Frankovsky comes in. He appears short of breath, as if he has been running a long way. "I know what's happening!" he exclaims. "The LICC have been putting false memories of the Franks in your mind to set you against them!"

Against who?

"Against the Franks! It's a technique known as pychopropaganda, where images are put through the subject's mind in order to convince the subject that they are good and their enemies are evil."

But... why are you telling me this? You are part of the League!

"No. I only worked with them. Now their true nature has been shown to me, I am truly and simply... a Frank!"

But Insane is not only in a state of denial, but of disbelief.

No... that isn't right! That can't be real!

He runs from his quarters into the corridor. A thought hits him.

ROANI! Whatever this plan of yours is, it may have fooled me before but it doesn't work any more. This is NOT REAL!

He starts banging his head against the wall in order to bring himself back to consciousness. He yells, using his lungs to the limit. A redshirt walks past. Insane grabs the phaser off the redshirt, and sets it to overload. He steals the red shirt from the redshirt, and puts it on. The phaser explodes...
.
.
.
.
...and Insane awakes, in a ... Chapel.

What am I doing here? he asks groggily. He looks up and sees Donna looking down at him. Hey, Donna. Where am I?

"The ship's Chapel."

Well, I gotta go!

he gets up, and runs out.

Spidership bridge

The Frank gets up from on top of Tacoman, and stands back. He has, however, stolen Tacoman's weapon. Enesku points her spear at the Frank.

"Stand back!" the Frank orders. From every door on the bridge, a team of Franks enters, including from the hatch in the floor. They surround the bridge crew in a tight circle, at least 30 of them. Their leader steps forward, and speaks to Tacoman.

"Captain Tacoman. You realise now that we are overrunning your ship, and have taken over your computer. Surrender yourselves to us now, and we will do you no harm. All we ask of you is that you change your names and your lifestyle. The so-called Light Side of the Frank Conspiracy is made up of blind idiots. They cannot see that as long as there are non-Franks around, there will be endless battles. If you join us, there will have no fighting, because there will be no differences. You will have no worries, because you have no cares. There will be no doomed relationships, because there will be no relationships. There will be no loss of friends and comrades, because your only loyalty will be the collective. It sounds good, doesn't it? Give in, embrace the Frank within yourself! The galaxy will be a better place."

The galaxy is a better place being independent and not under the influence of mindless collectives!
The LICC is dedicated to saving the universe and having a good time when it's not! And you, Franks, are those we will oppose to the end!
Get off my ship, or I'll destroy both it and this local collective of Franks.
Tacoma flips open a panel on his chair. Underneath is a large blue button and a keypad. Tacoman presses the button and types something. The viewscreen changes to a group of numbers, counting down.
You have 10 minutes to leave, or this ship will go boom.

(In the depths of the Spidermobile's smallest and most cramped cargo bay, a glowing turbine, similar to a portable generator, spews megawatts of Frankergy throughout the ship, corrupting the crew. A brown-cloaked figure steps out of the shadows inside the bay, and ignites a shimmering golden blade. He thrusts the lightsaber into the evil machine, which grinds, flies apart and then spectacularly explodes. The Frankfluence over the Spidermobile and its crew is suddenly broken.)

Ow. Observer to Captain. I've destroyed the Frank-machine. What's the situation?

"I don't believe you would really kill yourself... and have the blood of your crew on your hands. I know you well, Captain Tacoman. You don't have it in you. And besides, where would the galaxy be with no LICC? Your mind is chaotic and inconsistent."

----

Meanwhile, in the lower decks of the ship, Insane runs down a corridor. Using his power ring he repels Franks from him, but soon they become too much. Five Franks approach him from ahead, and another four from behind.

By Elbereth and Luthien the fair, you shall have neither the Spider or me!

"You don't even know what you're fighting against," a Frank says. "We're known as the dark side because we wear dark clothes. Haven't you considered taking some things literally?"

You are also evil. I know you Franks from before. You force people into your collective...

"And would you rather we killed all those who opposed us? Join us, give up your identity, and there will be no enemies... only allies. If you fight us, you are the evil one."

I'LL NEVER JOIN YOU!

"We have taken most of your crew. It is useless to resist."

Enesku steps forward. "He is right." she says. She, too, is dressed in the uniform of a Frank: Black cloak with reverse 47, overlarge jeans and a whole lotta chains.

The Franks have taken another.

"I never did care for any others, have a great intellect, or have any long-lasting friendships anyway."

After the destruction of the Frank machine, no crewmembers change. A nearby Frank talks to Observer.

"Observer, you idiot! Our machine merely opened their minds! It did not control them! But once again we have the last laugh. The destruction of the machine will not break our control, it will only prevent it from increasing further. And we have other ways of Franksimilation."

Insane drops his lightsaber, and removes his power ring.

You are right. I cannot defeat you. But we can arrange a ceasefire. It is the only way.

A thought comes to him. TACOMAN! he yells out loud.

Enesku! Take me to Tacoman! I must speak with him! He will have set off the self-destruct at most, and killed many Franks at least. I must talk with him!

Enesku and Insane run from the Franks, andd through the corridors, eventually reaching the bridge.

Captain! Stop! This is all hopeless! Can we have... an armistice?

You mean ceasefire? With some negotiations? If we can get out of this alive, I think we'll all be happy.
Tacoman reaches over and presses the pause button on the self destruct. The viewscreen, which shows that five minutes and 10 seconds are left, stops and shows a pause sign. At the same time, Butrfli and the Doctor arrive on the bridge, both wearing the uniform of the Franks
Butrfli, not you too.
Tacoman turns to Insane and the Franks around him
Ok, talk.

"If you ally yourselves with us without becoming us, we will accept that and leave you alone. It will be enough. But I fear that the Elite Franks on Earth will not accept that."

"Elite Franks?" Tacoman asks.

"Yes, the Elite Franks, led by Praetorius. They will stop at nothing! They are attempting to take over Earth!"

Commander, what do you think?

I don't trust these guys at all, Captain. I would suggest that they earn our trust first. It's the only prudent thing, in my opinion.

Tacoman looks into the face of everyone on the bridge and sighs
You're right, Commander.
Tacoman reaches over and stops the self destruct.
Ok, we've made the first move, what now?

Franks, as a symbol of trust on your side, please defrank the major members of my crew. Most of the Franked shirts can stay, I think.

If they really want to return to their previous states, they can. It will take some time, though. Instead, I shall relinquish control of the computer.

Computer, deactivate Frank control, authorisation 118-4-Ace.

Computer: Control has been deactivated.

Donna is being pursued by Franks, she suddenly turns a corner and disapears.

Frank:"What the Frank has happened"

Frank2: Beats the Frank out of me?

Just then a Vampire with lifeless blue eyes, earings, and a small red ribbon bears down on the Franks. It grabs one and drains the blood out of it, leaving, well, nonthing really.

I am vampdroid. Soon all your energy will be mine.

The Franks, needless to say, run in fear, the Vampdroid, places a sudden trance on them, and procedes to drain their blood.

My senses indicate that there are more Franks on the bridge.

Oh come one Franks. Of course Tacoman would blow up the ship if he had to. To destroy you guys, we may have to. Sometimes, it's the only way to win the unwinnable situation. The Kobayashi Maru scenario.

Besides, diversity is what makes the livin beings in the galaxy what we are. If we are the same, there will be no emotions. No happiness, no joy, no excitement, no love. Do you Franks really want to rob the Universe of that? Because if you do, so help me, the next thing I eat is going to be a Dodger Dog! Or do you guys enjoy that?

That's "oh, come on Franks"


I hate tipos.


Haha, get it? no? okay.

Kiehart enters the bridge. "Nice to see I wasn't needed. I monitored the situation. Sweet call on the self-destruct thing. Look like it's working too judging from what I saw on my way up."

[Klassikos enters the bridge, wearing his armor. He is briefly briefed on the current situation]

I guess I shouldn't have beaten up all those Franks on my way here. I say we head for Earth. Captain, over here...

[He leads Tacoman into his ready room]

Captain, Athena appeared before me and told me there was something more to find on Earth, something of great power like this armor. I fear that the Elite Franks will find it if we don't first.

Tacoman exits the Ready Room with Klassikos
Josh, resume our course towards Earth.
Franks, tell us all you know about the Elite Franks.
I warn you in advance... any funny business, such as trying to take us over again, will cause me to resume the self destruct.
Suddenly, Butrfli blinks and looks around the bridge. Her Frank uniform falls off her body, leaving her normal clothing intact.
Butrfli:Where...Why am I on the bridge? Last thing I remember, the Doctor came online, was dressed like the Franks, and used the hypospray on me...
By the gods, there are Franks all over the Bridge!
the situation is explained to Butrfli and anyone else defranked
Ok. Let's hope we can defeat the Elite Franks...

A group of redshirts cowering in fear

No! Don't! please! we are not Franks! Don't!

Vampdroid: That's Frank talk to me.

(Vampdroid uses excessive force)

Yummie!!!

Donna: "You were warned. Into your coffin. I have a cross. A JESUS cross. Wait, that made sense."

Vampdroid enters coffin, Donna seals it, and sends it to the Occult room. Donna goes to bridge

Artsy is back on the bridge, having done her part in attempting to stop the Franksimilation of the crew, and is now listening in disbelief to Captain Tacoman's peace talks with the Franks.

This is ridiculous! she thinks to herself, as her clothing flutters from blue to green to gray and back. I have such a bad feeling about this. And where's Quito?

Overcome by a sudden premonition, Artsy leaves the bridge to search for the little alien.

"The Elite Franks are building a fortress on Earth," the Frank leader says. "They intend to use this fortress as a base of operations from which to rule the galaxy. They are led by Frank Praetorius, you may have heard of him before. He does not intend to put an end to such a problematic thing as diversity, he just wants to destroy all his enemies. No mean feat, considering he has so many of them. But he's sure to do it."

As Peter Insane sits at the currently unused Tactical II station, he thinks over recent events. In the last of his strange visions, he remembers Lieutenant Frankovsky explaining that every time the Franks attacked, it was really the LICC controlling his mind. Since all these visions were unreal, the opposite must be the case. Every time he had a strange vision, where Frankovsky is alive and the Franks not a threat, someone must have been accessing and controlling his mind. But has no-one detected any external control. If anyone controlled his mind, it must be someone who, strange as it may seem, is inside his mind. Someone imaginary, like the dinosaur he imagined he had when he was 5 years old? (And 6, and 7, and 8... and for a few months when he was 9...) No, unless someone has been altering reality, imaginary things shouldn't exist. Kiri-kin-tha's first law of metaphysics and all that. He'd need to go down to sickbay to get a mental scan.

The Spidership flies towards Earth at maximum warp, shot from many angles as it whizzes across the screen.

The camera then cuts to an oblique-view establishing shot of the partly-constructed Fortress of Frank. It seems to be forming the shape of a round tower, and several Franks and droids are working on it. The ground is opened out in a wide area beside the already-constructed part, and more Franks and droids are working down there. The camera pulls down into the foundations, similar to the underground passageways at Isengard in the Fellowship of the Ring movie. A few Franks and several droids are cutting at earth and rock with pick-axes and other tools, as well as carting it away in wheelbarrows. One droid hits something hard with its pickaxe, and it comes out of the wall of earth beside him. It is an old-looking object made of an indeterminable substance. It is cube-shaped and has marks on it. The droid picks it up, and takes it to its supervisor.

What's that yellow stream emerging from the ship?

uh, Cheese Whiz?

That's it! We're boycotting the show again! Imagine them showing something 'whizzing' across the screen.

Ahhhhhh, mom!

Oh, come on! They did worse in The Little Mermaid and The Lion King!!

DUh.... we ain't no 'leet franks! We's TURKEY FRANKS!

Those anything like Buffalo Wings?

Buffalo wings, won't you come out tonight,
won't you come out tonight,
won't you come out tonight?
Buffalo wings, won't you come out tonight,
and dance by the light of the moon... over Rigel VII?

Ansh is standing in Artsy's room. There are many Franks standing around the room. Ansh has the lightsaber Observer gave her ignited and has Quito on her back. Artsy comes in

Artsy! I'm glad you're here!

INT: SICKBAY

Doctor: Hmm.
Insane: Hmm, what?
Doctor: It appears that there are two mental patterns registered inside your head.
Insane: You mean my conscious and subconscious?
Doctor: No, I mean two seperate mental patterns.
Insane: You mean I've got someone else's mind inside me? Is it Donna's?
Doctor: Not as far as I know... puzzled Why would it be Donna's?
Insane: I dunno, it just seems like the sort of thing she would do.
Doctor: Well, the romance can wait. It seems this other mind is a parasite, not a symbiont, and it has been growing in there for some time. It isn't physical, and I might be able to take it out of there, using the Return to Tomorrow method.
Insane: Where would you put it?
Doctor: picks up a laptop computer In here! Just put on this helmet.
Insane puts on a helmet, with silly-looking wires and lights attached.
Doctor: Now lie down and relax. Soon you will have one less trouble.
Insane sits own, and the Holodoc plugs one of the wires into the side of the laptop. He types something on the keypad, and the laptop makes weird computer-esque noises.
Doctor: There, done. Now, to add a vocaliser.
The Holodoc attaches a small object to the laptop and takes off Insane's helmet.
Laptop: Curse you, Doctor! At least Insane's got to be in the Spider's main computer when I took his body!
Insane and Doctor: YOU took it?
Laptop: Maybe I shouldn't have spoken too soon. But then, you don't know who I am!
Insane: You are Roani, or you called yourself that. You brought me to your mad lab after remotely piloting the ship to your planet.
Laptop: CURSES!

(Observer is sprinting down corridor A-27 on Deck 5, heading back to the bridge, when he abruptly senses distress from one of the cabins nearby.

Inside Artsy's cabin, the Franks are slowly advancing on Quito and the two League members when the door hisses open. The villains turn to look but nothing is to be seen in the corridor outside. By the time the door closes again, and they turn back to resume their agressive stance, Observer, flanked by a determined Artsy and Ansh, stands at the ready.)

Don't you gentlemen know it's impolite to enter a lady's quarters without permission?

(Observer smiles, and ignites his lightsaber.)

The Franks flee in fear, realising Observer is more than a match from them, and that they have no way to Franksimilate him.

Ok.. When we reach Earth, land on the far side and unused part of the moon. From there, we can disguise ourselves and see what's going on on Earth.

Why do we need to disguise ourselves? We're not going back in time or anything.

Artsy relaxes a bit, her color dropping from a flaming orange streaked with blue to a muted purple. "Ansh, thanks for watching out for the little one." Quito jumps from Ansh to Artsy and gives her a hug, along with mental sendings involving excited, oversized images of Ansh and Observer as heros.

Observer chuckles, obviously picking up the sending, and Artsy grins at him. "Thanks to you too. I was kind of worried about Quito since she isn't one of the main crew members... how'd you scare the Franks off so fast?"

Well, if most of the Earth is Frankified, and we want to inflitrate the Elite Frank's headquarters, we want to look like the Franks so we don't stand out and become official Franks...

No, we don't need to. We want to fight them once we get there, so there's no point in disguising. We want to say "We are the LICC, and we will put an end to your little game!"

Honestly, I don't know. I've often used some form intimidation one way or another in order to avoid violence, but this time I was just concerned with reaching you in time. It may have had to do with this scary old thing.

(Observer fondly pats the de-activated lightsaber hanging from his belt.)

I thought destroying that machine would take care of the Frank intruders. They must have a way to sustain the Franks already here. Artsy, will you help me try to thwart the Franks again? It will be risky but I'm confident we'll be all right.

And Ansh, will you please take Quito and hurry up to the bridge? You'll be safe there.

The Franks aren't being sustained, they sustain themselves. Remember, it took a long time for Insane to be defranked.

I certainly hope we don't have any defranked clergy around here!

Donna emerges on the bridge
Captian, I think we should just stay on Earth from now on. The planet must have been built on a Space Indian Burial Ground.

Tacoman nods
It certainly seems like it.
Ok.. here's what we do...
We activate the cloak until we're almost on top of them, decloak, and fire weapons, and let Reg and Reg clean up any Franks that are left...

Kiehart rubs his eyes. "I got nothing against Earth, but were'nt we going to do some out there stuff? You know, Waldo Peppering around in our Bobby lansing leather bomber jackets, the right stuff coursing through our veins as we push the outisde of the envelope? But here we are! Like a ••••••• bird that won't leave the nest! I'm gonna take a nap."

A blueshirt turns towards the Captain.


You know, sir, there's a MUCH easier way to handle this; we could always summon the one group that the Franks probably would least like to see....

....The Beans!

I'm coming. You will die. There will be nonthing left.

Adon has been standing on the bridge the entire time with his eyes closed, seemingly oblivious to the events unfolding around him. Suddenly, his eyes open.

Praetorius Frank. He is a Frank, and yet... he is not.

Everyone turns and looks at Adon

There is an unnatural feeling around him, almost as if he came from outside. No. Not outside. From a higher level.

I'm sorry, I can't explain it. I do know one thing though... We must deal with Praetorius Frank as soon as possible.

I for one am going down to fight them. If we just fly from above, we'll end up blowing up the wrong things, and the Elite Franks may just scatter and run away. Who's with me?

Meanwhile, at the Frank fortress, Praetorius is surveying the work. One of his subordinates, Frank Morkoth, runs up to him.

What do you want?

Frank Morkoth holds out the small cube. "One of my droids found this. Can you tell me what it is?"

Praetrorius grabs it from Morkoth's hand. He looks over its surfaces, each marked with a different number of dots, of every number from one to six.

It's a die. Or a dice, if you prefer. Don't bring me these things unless you want to dice with dying!

Frank Morkoth runs away.

Honestly, what we need is greater efficiency. he randomly tosses the dice away, and it lands on the ground beneath him. The side on top is `2'. Suddenly, as if posessed by some otherworldly force, all the Franks and droids start working at two times their usual efficiency! Praetorius, however, doesn't notice, but he does notice that the di(c)e is a safety hazard. He picks it up and puts it in his pocket.

Good point, Insane. Maybe we can get in disguised as delivery people...

Meanwhile, in another part of the fortress, more digging is going on. One droid goes about his business of digging when he comes upon something interesting. It appears to be a large piece of travel accessory, until it sprouts hundreds of little legs and chases the droid into the next room. The next thing we hear is a sound of something wooden closing and the screetch of metal crunching.

I don't think we need to.

He taps something up on the console, and an image appears on the viewscreen

There's nowhere we need to get `in' to, the fortress isn't complete. All we need to do is either land the ship or beam down, and meet them on the construction site.

A call comes in on Insane's commbadge.
"This is the EMH speaking."

Doctor! Have you got anything out of Roani yet?

"I'm afraid not. Roani is keeping quiet. All we know is that he... or she... was the one who stole your body's molecular pattern from the transporter.*"

Why did s/he do that? Oh, no! S/he must have known that I..

"That you what?"

Nothing. Never mind.

Only he himself and Observer know about the power he has. It seems Roani may have known long before. But how?

*LICC Part XXVII

Frank Morkoth hears the horrifying sounds and runs to Praetorius.

"There's something down there!"

Yes! Our construction droids! Why do you keep on bothering me with uselessness?

"No, it's something else! Something dangerous! I knew we shouldn't have built this fortress in the galaxy of Unresolved Storylines!"

You're an Elite Frank. Do something for yourself for a change!

The Furby appears on the bridge, holding a Knarf-O-Matic Mk.II in his paws.

"What the heck is going on here?"

He is quickly briefed.

"HUH?"

[In his quarters, Klassikos gets his flying shoes ready, as well as a discus and a javelin for throwing]

Let's hope I can get the hang of these winged shoes or I'll end up spearing myself and cutting off my own head as like as not.

This is even more confusing than when those alien puddings turned Anglosaxons into Scotsmen!

I meant GARDEN of unresolved storylines, not GALAXY!

Ok people, we're going to have to send a team inside the unfinished fortress to finish off the Elite Franks. Do I have any volunters?

In the Frank fortress, a construction droid has discovered the remains of another droid, this one crunched and munched. It hears a noise, turns around, is startled to discover a large and old-fashioned piece of Luggage behind it. Even without eyes or other facial features, the droid has the feeling the Luggage is glaring at the droid and studying it. The droid contacts a supervisor and says...
Sir, we've got a situation here. There appears to be a travel accessory down here that seems to be sentient. According to my database, it looks like an ancient travel chest, but has several hundred legs and has an small but odd black device on it's surface... Sir, it's coming closer...I need som...
With that, the communicator registers a wooden chewing, followed by silence.

I will go with the team. They will need some high, powered protection with all the franks around.

You have my lightsaber!

That is, I'm coming, I'm not giving you my lightsaber...

Frank Morkoth runs to the source of the call, and sees no droid, only the Luggage.

Oh, no. I knew I was right!

He pulls out his energy-whip and lances it around the Luggage. The Luggage is not daunted by this, and proceeds to pull Frank Morkoth around the foundations. After five minutes of being scuffed along the wooden floors, he finally realises to let go of the whip, and the Luggage runs off, the whip still tied around it.

How am I going to explain this to Praetorius?

Wait, why would the Spidership matter? It's not that big.

I'll go on any voyage to stop Franks. The message of Jesus must be spread.

(I hate auto-complete, really hate it.)

I've changed my mind about not wanting to meet some Franks. I volunteer!

High powered protection Adon? We're the LICC. We are the high powered protection.

Before Adon can reply, Rikard puts his hand up.

I know what you meant. Anyway Captain, you can count me in too. When do we leave?

Kiehart chuckles. "I'm in. It's not like I have anythign better. You know, no family to worry about. No young children or adoring wife that I'd leave behind if I got killed." He then coughs.

I will join as well.

Artsy's not going anywhere without me!

Meanwhile, Praetorius has been able to sense, somehow, that the LICC is planning an attack. He has assembled the Elite Franks, who have dyed their hair read and braided it, and are now wearing sleeveless versions of the Frank uniform.

Our time is at hand! Tacoman's dozens will face our hundreds! Remember, you have to look scary. It's all part of psychology, people fear something that looks frightening more than something which looks powerful. That's why spiders are such a common fear.

"But the LICC's ship is shaped like a spider!" Frank Morkoth protests.

Shut up! I need you to get everything ready! We can't complete the fortress on time, but we can arm ourselves to the teeth. I will be firing anvils with the Frankapult. You all have your energy whips?

"Yes, sir!"

"Why don't you have one, boss?"

I have something better for when I join in the fight.

His hand reaches down and he feels the smooth curved metal of the object at his side. The only one ever constructed and used by a Frank.

The turbolift doors open, and Butrfli walks out
I'm going too, sir. You're going to need a magic element in there, and I'm it.
Tacoman: So it looks like most of the major crew is going in. We may need a few various shirts to complete the force...

Meanwhile, in the fortress, the Luggage is rampaging through the construction site, ravaging and destroying construction equipment, droids, and consuming the occasional Frank that gets in it's way. The picture freezes, and the camera focuses on the small black box attached to the Luggage. A narrator speaks
Some of our viewers are curious on how and why this magical piece of travel accessory made it's way to Earth. The answer is quite simple.
A graphic shows the black box opening, revealing a hourglass, some octrine crystals, and a small note
On the Discworld, the wizards of Unseen University had discovered a number of parallel worlds and other galaxies in general. They reached a decision that they should visit the worlds, but needed a test subject first. By chance, the Luggage happened to be in the area, being its usual self, so they captured it, made it go to sleep, attached the box, and sent it to Earth, where it landed in the Garden of Unresolved Plots. When the Franks begin building the Fortress and the droid discovered the Luggage, it woke up in an unusually surly and angry mood. You would be too, if you woke up to find yourself somewhere else and confronted by a droid. Anyway, what the Franks don't know is that when the black box is removed, the Luggage will return to the Discworld... or, it will explode. We don't know yet. Ok, Roll 'em!
With that, the action resumes, and the Luggage crunches another droid

I knew I shouldn't have made those Frankdroids with 11 tasty herbs & spices.

"Butrfli, you really don't need to go. I am a level 9 Enchantress, and have downed a Lich in my day, I'm sure what ever power you could offer is..."
Everyone is staring at her, She uses empathy to figure out "You're saying the wrong thing", but Donna also uses the changes in their body heat to say "She's Tacoman's SO, she has to go, psycho. Donna stops talking"
Well, once more with feeling, Let's roll.

Cid is reviewing the crew escourt, a security team of five and a science team of 3 all assemble

"Men, today you are dead. Most likely, you will stay that way. But even though you die, your deaths will save the Earth from the Franks. Now, I really don't know who the Franks are, or why they are a threat. But the point is we have been told to be killed by them, and killed by them you shall. Now on this mission, you will be carrying the following gear. Ensign Hastodie, You will be carrying the Polymorph riffle, a potentially dangerous weapon with unpredicable results. Ensign Hellbound, You will be carrying the Gorgon Ray, a new device that will slowly cause the enemy to calficy, and end up a human statue. Granted, they have just enough time to kill you, but that's a risk I'm willing to take. Ensign Drake, you are a vampire and already have your weapon. I hope you are wearing your relics to protect you from the sun. Dr. Sothby, you have already been busted once this year for violating medical procedure. Once 'He's dead Jim' has been pronunced, you can't try to save them, no matter what. Make sure you have your personal shield on. Okay, this mission you will go is covert. Remember ensign Drake has to be invited in. Now, I hope you remember what you learned about covert actions in the class about Hannibal Smith. Now, have last rites conducted, and prepare for the mission."

Tacoman: Ok.. Get down to the armory and get any big weapon you want. Get the anti-Frank technology while your at it.
Butrfli: Donna, maybe when this is over, we can have a magic contest... just to see what we can each do?

Suddenly, a disembodied voice can be heard around the universe saying
Warning, incoming board! Warning, incoming board!

(a female blueshirt in the armory)

It's not the size of your weapon tha... Oh, who am I kidding?

(picks the biggest gun in the armory)

Of course it's the size of your weapon.

Blow them Franks to smithereens!

Kiehart checks his gun. "I'm setting this to fire explosive armor piericng rounds, so everyone try not to get in front of me." He pulls out his sword, twirls it around a bit, then puts it back. "OK, I'm good to go. I'll have The Banshees we've got working again, all three of them, cover us. Josh, do you think we should send Yellow Squad on an attack run for that fortress while we have the Frank army outside fighting us?"

Oh yeah, that's no problem. They'll be ready whenever we need them. I may even send the Reds. Even they should be able to survive some bombing passes.

He notices something on the viewscreen. It appears to be heading for the Spidership.

Wow; is that the next board?

"As I am getting sick of religous symbolism, I shall carry a Scimitar from the Third Crusade."
________________________________________________
Off Screen
K-Nit Excecutive: So what don't you like about that line?

Dr. F: Islam means peace, and Jihad means struggle. And the West is the bad guys, we forced them to become violent. Because we are rich and properous, and our women don't wear body robes, and colonialism OH THE HUMANITY!!! HOW DO I LIVE WITH MYSELF? (Pulls out a gun, and shoots himself.)

K-nit Excecutive: Picks up phone Guys, that's the third Humanities advisor who has shot themselves this week over guilt of living in a nation with toliets. Dispose of the body, and get a new one. Thank Allah for a surplus in Humanities majors.
------------------------------------------------

Donna: Yeah, "I am Azzeam, even though I have a kick arse really big sword, as a member of a religion of peace, I will not help you Robin of Lockesly"

Boo! Hiss!

You haven't been in college recently?

Frank Praetorius hands out objects to his team of Elite Franks. They are small, black and stick like, and come in sets of two.

These are force-fielders. If you X them both together you can create a force field which will propel anyone who comes in contact with it several meters.

He walks up to Frank Morkoth

I am giving you the `honor' of being at the front. You will be leading the army.

"Uh... thanks..."

The crew team is preparing for the mission. Some are training, some are getting their weapons ready, some are charging them. They have all gone through last rites, and some are watching the A-team.
"Shut up, foo'. I ain't getting on no plane."
Cid speaks, "Are their any questions about the mission?" Two redshirts raise their hands. "Yeah we have a question? How come you only desribed the armament for Hastodie, Hellbound and Drake. Why not us?" Cid, "well, the pseudoscience department located a prophetcy saying that you die before the mission. Sorry. looks over Drake, stop feeding! At least have the courtesy to wait until the end of the question." "I am sorry, shall I turn him?" spake Drake. "Sure, I really don't care." "WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?" screams the other Redshirt, "NO! NO! NO!" Cid looks at Ensign Gregor, who has changed into a cockroach again. "Well, two down, three more to go." "I'm undead now, so I am really alive again." Earth's sun appears in the poorly placed skylight. The newly created vamp turns to dust Cid laughs "Well, don't bet your afterlife."
That's right foo'

Tacoman activates the intership intercom and speaks.
Ladies and Gentlemen, we are about to fight the evil that is the Franks. Go out there and show them, the Earth, and the rest of the universe that we still have what it takes to be the BEST superhero fighting force! Get out there and cause as much destruction and havok you can! For we are the LICC, and saving the universe, having fun, and causing the occasional mass destruction is our game! Someone needs to be here with the ship, and since I'm the captain, I'll do that honor. When needed, I will back you up with all the weapons the Spidership has to offer! Now, go do that voodoo that you do sooo welll!

Security, I want partrols on every deck.
Medical, I want sickbay watching this, be ready to transport.
Enginerring, Teams report to your designated locations.
Fighers, I want all the drones out protecting the hull.
Mourge, Chapel, expect standred causalities.
Pseudoscience, If you ever wished to experiment with necromancy.
Captian Tacoman, remember, the Terran starfleet will not pay for a fourth spidership, you lose this one, the LICC will lose it's public funding, which is greatly needed elsewhere on Earth.

Let's hunt some Frank!