Why not try Ply-Sol?

(A small ship slows from warp not too far from Spidermobile... The pilot at the controls checks the sensors, stares at the bright web where the Spidermobile should be, and checks the sensors again. With a French accent and with feminine tones, the pilot speaks)

"This is not good."

Jackson sets the Polymorph Weapon and touches the "fire" button. A wide-spread purple beam shoots out from the Spidership and hits several of the Disinfector ships. They soon begin changing shape...

Kiehart sneezes. "Sure. But first, let me get my shot, then I'm hoping into my fighter and taking my Banshee sqaud, or half-sqaud as we still haven't brought in the replacement fighters yet, and helping Red & Yellow squads with those over-zealous doctor wannabes out there."

Adon's fingers danced over the tactical board as he attempted to lock onto the attacking ships.

I'm sorry, sir. They're too fast to hit with our normal phasers, and if I widen the beam, its too weak to hurt them. I'll join the fighters outside.

Adon turned and left the bridge. A few moments later, his Combat-Suit leapt out of the hanger bay and into the battle.

Meanwhile, in his fighter, Alex is attempting to fire on a Disinfector ship.
These guys are more slippery then I imagined...
Just then, the ship fires one of its webs at Alexander, just missing him.
Now that was close!
At the same time, the Spidership fires the Polymorph Weapon, hitting the Disinfector that Alexander was fighting. It goes through a number of changes, eventually settling on a large asteroid.
Alexander to any fighters close by, begin firing on that asteroid!

We got it, Alex.

A phaser beam from the Spidermobile destroys the asteroid.

Keep up the attack, we're working on a diversionary tactic. Stand by.

All fighters, target the following Disinfector ships and use swarm pattern Gangee-42-Alpha!
Alex types in the coordinates of the ships, the fighter teams split and begin firing on and generally annoying two of the Disinfector ships.
BUZZ, BUZZ! Feel our sting!

Adon fired the rifle a few times, but failed to hit anything.

Those are fast buggers. The gun isn't working, time for hand-to-hand.

Adon plugged the rifle in the suit's holding port, and drew out the beam sword. He flew around the battlefield, slicing any Disenfector ships he came across in half.

I've got an idea.

=/\= Quantum Man to Holodoc. Can you isolate some of the cold virus? I want to beam it over to the Disinfector ships. =/\=

That's almost what I was planning, Quantum, except I thought a torpedo filled with a virulent virus and shot off at Warp 9 might be a good distraction. Let's see if we can do both.

(And then, in front of Adon's viewplate, a green-and-blue streak flashes by. It impacts a Disenfector ship directly, which detonates the enemy, before the streak flashes off toward another Disenfector.)

Whoo! Go green and blue streak!

(makes 'yes' gesture)

What if it gives us the same treatment it's giving those Disinfectors?

Jackson: Why just stop with the cold virus? Certainly the Doctor has all sorts ofinteresting viruses in his inventory...
In his fighter, Alex notices the streaks.
Alex Dupree to the Spidership, what's going on?

We're trying to figure that out, Alex. It almost registers as a human life-sign, but sensors are having trouble locking on because of the energy field. Keep bashing those Disinfectors.

Out of nowhere, a barrage of purple energy bolts, fired with machine-gun rapidity, strike one of the Disinfectors.

The SnowCrane flies by the Disinfector, then unleashes a magnetic mine that attaches to the Disinfector, and explodes after the SnowCrane speeds away from it. The SnowCrane makes another pass, and blasts the Disinfector with another barrage of energy bolts.

Rocket Ranger, wearing his Space Armor, materializes above the Disinfector, as the SnowCrane flies off. (Its on Auto-pilot) He activates his armor's comm-system.

This is Lieutenant Quincy Rocket of the Space Marshalls. You already have at least 18 warrants out for your arrest in this sector alone. You have exactly 30 seconds to surrender or be destroyed; Standing order is to destroy you without mercy if you fail to comply!

A blue double-bladed lightsaber forms in his left hand.

Even the Furby Fighter (piloted by alt-Furby this time) takes part in the battle. A grappling hook is fired and catches one of the Disinfector ships. The Furby Fighter is tugged behind the enemy ship and starts to fire it's many weapons.

Strong shields, weak hull and no aft guns. Baaaaad!
Hasta la vista, baby!

Another one down.

All fighters focus your attacks on the following ship!
Once again, Alex picks a target and gives its coordinates to the fighters, which immediatly descend on it, firing all their weapons.
Kiehart, are you out here yet, dude?

Adon cut another Disinfector in half, when one charged him from behind. A pair of arms extended from the ship and knocked the beam sword out of the suit's hand. The sword deactivated and went spinning off into space. On its next pass, Adon's suit grabbed the arms, and the two ships grappled.

Adon struggled with the controls, as the feedback function forced the joysticks backwards.

Come... on!

The suit's shoulder guns activated and fired, racking sligs across the Disinfector ship.

Let's see what you've got!

The suit headbutted the Disinfector ship and pulled in opposite directions. The ship's damaged arms tore away from the ship's hull.

You worthless piece of junk!

Adon clubbed the ship with its own arm before going off after the lost beam sword.

Holodoc: I've isolated the virus.

QM: Commander, with your permission? Transporter room, beam the virus onto as many Disinfector ships as possible. Let's see how *THEY* handle a cold...

(The green and blue streak dives into a dense clot of Disinfector ships directly in front of the Spidermobile's bow. In a blur of ricochets, the clot is engulfed in explosions, with the outermost enemy ships helplessly flung away.)

The Disinfector ship that the fighters were attacking explodes, and they move onto the next one. One of the Disinfectors shoots webbing at Alexander Dupree's fighter, barely missing it.
Now that was really close!
Computer warning lights: Beep! Beep!
Alexander to the Spidership, one of the Disinfectors hit me with their webbing... From what I can tell, it grazed the side of my left engine! Luckiky, I can still fly.

Suddenly three Disinfector ships go wildly out of control, and appear to blow up for no reason.

Commander Milkshake, I've been monitoring their communications. Three Disinfectors self-destructed when they became infected with the cold virus.

Excellent, the old Nomad trick. Keep it up, Quantum.

=/\= Quantum Man to Holodoc. Keep the transporter room informed as more virus becomes available.

Quantum Man to Transporter Room. Be prepared to beam more virus to the Disinfectors as soon as the Holodoc lets you know it's available.=/\=

evil ones! wE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO. sPREADING THIS VIRUS TO US WILL NOT ACCOMPLISH YOUR PURPOSES. wILLFUL SPREAD OF DISEASE CLASSIFIES YOU AS A GALACTIC THREAT! tHERE WILL BE NO QUARTER.

The Disinfector ships have continued to fight, reorienting themselves to keep the net intact, in spite of those destroyed by the fighters, the blue/green streak, or the Shadow Sensei. Now they move inward, forcing the fighters into tighter manuvers to avoid hitting the Spidership.

Then the Disinfector resume firing--not at the fighters, but around them. Directly at the Spidership. Web after misty web adheres to the hull, leeching energy and clogging weaponry. Even when Colonator shifts the hull polarity again, only a few of the nets die away into nothing. The rest shift and continue the drain....

Milkshake sits tensely in the command chair

All right, let's review options.

We can try the Interdimensional Drive, create a tight transport bubble and get away without taking the Disses with us. Of course, that would leave the fighters behind alone, and we might not have enough power.

We can attempt to fire the weapons in a 'Death Blossom' configuration. Of course, that would pose undue risk to the fighters and take even more power than the ID-Drive.

We can add feedback to the power the Disses are taking from us, hopefully frying their own power systems, but it might just take too long to hit the right kind of feedback.

We can bring in the fighters, but by the time they get back, the Disses will most likely drain us much too far down for any advanced tactic.

Diplomacy is out. They're likely to blast the lot of us.

Storming their ships would be difficult. We wouldn't have the power for a full transport sequence.

Wait a second...WEBS! They're using Webs! On the SPIDER! Fire with fire...anyone check the quantum spinnerets lately? We haven't used them since Spider I, but if they're working, they use relatively little power, and we might just web these guys up too quickly for them to finish us off! Anyone have any input?

We're running out of time.

Adon's suit closed down the beam sword and pulled out the rifle again.

This is Commander Adon of the LICC to all ships, both LICC and Disinfectors: Withdraw from this area now, or be destroyed.

Adon closed the general hail, and opened a channel directly to the Spidership.

Get all the fighters back. I'm going to open a hole in their net. Once I fire, head through the hole, at your maximum possible speed.

Adon closed the channel.

The suit split the rifle into a pair of single barreled rifles. It held one in each hand, and energy started jumping between the two weapons.

Inside the cockpit, Adon released the controls, placed his hands on the frame, and began to glow. Energy started jumping around as Adon himself provided the power for the main weapon.

FIRE NOW!

The awsome energies held in the suit were released through the rifle's barrels. The beam spread out and obliterated everything in it's path, leaving a hole that the Spidership could easily slip through. The recoil from the blast sent the suit flying backwards, into the spidership.

shudder...

Report! Any damage? Hold off on that, we haven't time. Pete, activate the quantum spinnerets.

A periscope-like apparatus drops from the overhead of the bridge, and a turret on the ship's stern begins to extend. Milkshake opens the handles of the periscope and looks into it. Turning it, he says

I have a good field of view here. Okay, a Dissie with at least 5 web tendrils coming from it. Target...fire.

A blob of glop shoots from the turret and splashes onto the Disinfector ship. The substance completely covers the ship and hardens within seconds. Milkshake grins.

This might work. Helm, rotate us on the X-axis, I want to be able to hit as many as I can.

The spinerrets fire again and again and again, crippling more and more Disinfectors with tough web solution.

Steve, I might be able to do a EMP-like Polymorph blast... We can also employ the fighters in this because they also have Polymorph Weapons... I think the fighters have the shields to take the blast...
Meanwhile, Alex is still battling Disinfector ships. One of the ships fire a web directly at Alex's fighter, hitting and enveloping it. Alex is able to send a message before the web covers his Comm equipment...
Lt. Commander Tacoman to the Spidership, I've been hit! The web is almost fully around me... don't...connection...up...
And then silence, as the fighter is wrapped in an energy web.

Jack, two things. See how many fighters you can spare from the blast, our boys need every joule of shield strength they can muster. Also, make sure we have the power for it. Colanator's getting a time-adjusted 'budget' together right now, so we'll know what we can use or not.

Alex is in trouble. Two Disinfectors have him trapped, helm, increase rotation, they're not in--got one! Got the other. The web's down, looks like he's drifting. Milkshake to SnowCrane, see if you can grab Alex before he runs into something.

Before Commander Milkshake finishes completing his last sentence, the ThunderWolf appears out of hyperspace and snags Alex's ship with a tractor-beam. Wayne's voice comes over the spidership's comm-system.

Relax, Commander. We've got him. We'll drag him close enough for you to pick him up with the spidership's tractor-beam, then release ours and go after these scum!

Rocket Ranger's voice comes over both comms.

Lock up with the SnowCrane and form the ThunderCrane, then see if you can knock some sense into these morons! (Sound of a lightsaber slicing through metal.) I'm going to see if I can capture one of these goons and bring him back to the spidership. Rocket, out.

Having given the Disinfector more than enough time to surrender since his warning to do so, Rocket Ranger slices a hole in the side of the enemy vessel with his double-bladed lightsaber and steps through it, then "shuts off" the lightsaber.

Okay, thats it. Surrender now, or else! You're under arrest by the authority of the Space Marshalls AND The Galactic Order! Resistance, or any attempt to escape, will be met with lethal force!

Both of his hands begin to glow with a blue aura, and small missile pods pop out of the shoulder-plates of his armor.

The cockpit was bathed in darkness as Adon reached around behind the seat and felt for the circuit breaker switch

That blast shorted out my electrical systems. Now, where is that switch.

His fingers found it and flipped the switch. Immediately, the cockpit's auxilary lights came up.

Ah, there it is.

The viewscreen lit up, displaying a grid of lines as the systems rebooted. The first thing to appear was the external sensors, which displayed the situation outside. The suit appeared in the middle of a grid, with various dots moving around. The dots were all colored coded, based on the ship design.

Hmm... The spidership hasn't moved. Come on, what is the weapon status?

Adon pressed a few buttons on the control panel. A readout of the weapons status appeared. The beam swords had power, at over 47% of the machine gun ammo remained. The beam rifle, however, was out of commission.

Kt'Mar. At least I still have the close range weaponry.

The tactical display was replaced by the actual external view.

Ah! Lets go.

Message to all fighters and other LICC craft: Stay away for the following coordinates as far as possible! Announces the target. Fasten your seatbelts, keep the redshirts away from consoles and power conduits, think positive and keep your mouths open!

The Furby Fighter's bomb bay doors open and a large strange looking torpedo is released. The weapon approaches the net slowly and detonates. A giant shockwave hits the target and everything near starts to vibrate in a very disturbing way.

I-I-I-I-I hohohohohpepepepepe itititititit wowowowoworkkkkkkkkssssssss.......

While the Spidership and the LICC crafts are just being shaked like milk the Disinfector ships in the surrounding area aren't so lucky. Quite a few don't pass the load test and break up. More important, a large piece of the net breaks loose and flies away, accidentally enveloping a few helples Disinfectors. Baaad luck.

Spppiddderssshippp, arrre youuu oookkk?

It is, and the damage control teams have already taken out most of the fires coming from broken plasma conduits. Due to the intense vibrations most of the webs have fallen off the ship. Fine.

It seems that the net is destabilizing. Get the frell outta here! Fighters, try to tug the Spidership if it can't move by itself. And against the headache try Aspirine!

Ouch, my teeth hurt! Medic! Holodentist!

(The green-and-blue streak destroys a few more Disinfectors which still have a hold on Spidermobile, then loops under the larger ship, and disappears from view under its belly)

Kiehart shook his head, and finally remembered where he was. The cold was playing nasty tricks with his sense of direction. He finally got out of the turbolift and sprinted towards the fighter bay, only to see all craft that had alreayd gone outside returning, and the five Banshee pilots who'd taken to thier fighters while waiting for Kiehart looking dejected after mising the fight.

(On Wackyworld, Kent Allard Megaman answers his door to find an elf with a pad & pencil)

Hi! Are you Kent Allard Megaman, author of all those wacky & funny bits on that superhero show?

"Why yes I am. Would you like an autograph?"

(The elf hands the pad and pencil to the comedy writing bot then pushes a button and a disrupter beam fires out of the eraser end of the pencil frying the bot's circuits)

Nah. Comedy & wackiness are dead.

(Checks off another name on his list)

Another one down. More to go.

Jackson puts on what looks like a pair of earphones and pulls up a small microphone. He begins talking and pressing buttons. After fifteen minutes of this, he removes the earphones.
Well.. some good news... When we do the blast, the fighters can be in an area where they won't be affected as much. They have a version of the Polymorph weapon on them, so they can fire theirs when we fire ours. Luckily, they were installed with metaphasic shielding, which should protect them from the majority of the blast.
As for the other LICC ships, the Furby Fighter, ThunderWolf, and possibly Adon's fighter have a version of the Polymorph Weapon and the shielding to protect them.
Alex is alright. He's being brought into the fighter bay as we speak.
Indeed, Alex is getting out of his damaged and unpowered fighter.
Now that was cutting things a bit too close! Any chance I can go back out there?
Flight deck worker: Most of the other fighters are out there already. The ones here are damaged for one reason or another. As for your fighter, it'll take a while to repair it and power it up again. In the meantime...
Alex: ...I should get back up to the bridge, right?
worker: right.

The net surrounding the Spidership begins to crumble, melting away into dull space dust. The remaining Disinfector ships scatter, drawing some LICC fighters after them. Suddenly the little ships draw together into a tight bunch and send one more communication;

tHERE IS NO PLACE IN THE GALAXY FOR DYING RACES. dO NOT THINK YOUR KIND WILL SURVIVE TO IMPOSE THESE THREATS ON OTHER SPECIES.

And as quickly as the Disinfector fleet appeared, they vanish, again not even leaving a warp signature behind.

Phew, well...

Milkshake to all hands. Excellent work, we did it. We'll all get a chance to unwind once we get to Starbase.

Milkshake flips off the intercom and looks at the bridge-crew

Mop-up time, guys. Let's get the engines back up to speed as soon as we can. All fighters, return to base. And where did that green streak go?

(The 'green streak' in mention has made its way to the fighter bay doors and has slipped inside)

Adon's massive combat-suit landed in the hanger, kneeled down, and gently placed the huge rifle on the deck. Then it stood back up and powered down. The access hatch in the suit's stomach opened up and Adon stepped out and called to several Yellowshirts down below.

I need you to refit the rifle. That big blast burned out the firing mechanism and the acceleration tubes. They'll probably need to be completely replaced.

Adon dropped gently to the deck and walked out as the engineering crews got to work.

Alex, who was in the turbolift when the green streak entered the fighter bay, arrives on the bridge. He walks over and stands next to Jackson.
Now that was a heck of a battle! Good job with the weapons, Jack.
Jackson: Thanks, Alex.
Butrfli to the bridge, the cold that's been going around is finally gone. Are the any casualities from the battle?

(A person walks out of a shadow caused by a broken overhead light in the bustling hangar bay. It appears to be human, an attractive, brown-haired woman in a green-and-blue costume, with a like-colored mask and a scabbard and sword on her belt. She approaches Adon and speaks with a soft French accent.)

Excuse me, I must speak with your Captain. Can you show me the way to a turbolift?

I'm off, interogating our prisoner. He'll have the time of his life.

Well, just don't sing at him, Furb. Remember, he may be onboard the spidership, but I arrested in the name of the Space Marshalls and Galactic Order. The Disinfectors have long-standing warrants out for their arrest from both organizations.

He slams his wrists together.

LETS ROCKET!

There is a quick flash of blue light. When it dissipates, he is wearing his standard armor, which has been repainted blue instead of teal.

Much better. The Space Armor is a little too bulky to wear onboard the ship for long.

Wanna play "good cop", Rocket? I'll threat him to put him in a cell with Captain West who's nose is running in his sleep right now.

Why not? I've already called Shirana and notified her of the situation. Its just as well. The main impulse drive on her ship is being repaired right now. Something about constant overheating that's taxing the coolant system's capabilities....

Smiles inside his helmet.

Better yet, you could threaten to throw him in Kiehart's quarters for a while!

Ensign Snewtipantz, who was standing nearby, walks over, a look of disgust on his face.

Snewtipantz: That would be TOO cruel! I had to go deliver a message to him from the galley, and almost threw up when I looked inside. All those nasty snot-covered hankies lying around!

Rocket Ranger: That's EXACTLY what I meant, Snewti. With all that's been going on, Jason probably hasn't had time to clean up his quarters since the EMH innoculated him.

Looks at Furby.

We'll have to turn over the prisoner to the Galactic Order, not the Space Marshalls. I'm still undercover, and I already mentioned I was working for the Galactic Order AND the Space Marshalls when I arrested him. Or her. Couldn't tell which with that flight helmet and decontamination suit on.....

Pauses.

The Galactic Order would be more merciful, anyway. The Space Marshalls execute any captured Decontaminators, instead of imprisoning them.

Ensign Snewtipantz: Don't you mean "Disinfectors"?

Rocket Ranger: No. The Galactic Order refers to them by both names. Rumor has it that they were originally a group of anti-radiation activists who changed their focus to diseases after a guy with Felix Unger Syndrome became their leader. This was supposedly long before they became pirates, but has never been confirmed, though.

Adon looked closely at the newcomer who appeared before him, and then shrugged his shoulders.

I suppose so. Please follow me.

Adon led her down the corridor to the turbolift, and took it too the bridge. The doors opened at they stepped out.

Commander Milkshake, may I present to you: umm... what was your name?

Hm, I think it's a good thing that in most rooms the cams from Furby TV are already installed.

Well, then a holographic image of Kiehart's quarters should be enough to delight our "guest".

(The newcomer strides briskly forward and shakes Milkshake's hand.)

Commander. I am Danielle Delevoix, DoS codename La Femme Superbe. I have been assigned by Secretary Padilla to join the LICC and act as an advance scout in sensitive situations.

(Delevoix retrieves a enviro-hardened PADD from a pocket.)

You will find a full list of my qualifications and skills here. Unfortunately, my ship, which I was to use to accomplish said scouting duty, was caught in the crossfire and transformed into a great cloud of sublimated fish oil.

Mmmm... sublimated fish oil.

Both Alex and Jackson wince at this, as one of them was at tactical at the times the Polymorph Weapon was activated. Jackson steps forward and glances at the PADD
Hello Danielle, I'm Jackson Dupree, also called Tacoman. I'm the former leader of the LICC, but am still active.

The Masked Enigma picked up Danielle Delevoix's (or should that be La Femme Superbe's?) hand, brought it up to his face, and kissed it.

I am chahmed to meet such a beautiful young lady.

Takes the PADD, scrolls down it.

Everything seems to be in order, then. Welcome to the LICC, Ms. Delevoix. Let's see, we'll juggle bridge positions until we can see about replacing your ship, which I am very sorry for, by the way. It says here you are a Level Blue starship pilot. With recent events and our helmsman becoming first officer, let's put you on Helm during Beta shift and when X.O. Rikard's additional duties prevent him from taking care of it. Do you have a rank from a previous DoS space assignment?

Just arriving on the bridge.

Maybe we could fire the Polymorph again at the blob to restore the ship? We probably need some time but it's worth a few tries...

(Delevoix looks down at Alt-Furby.)

You must be thinking of the Sub-Normality Field to reverse the effect. And no, the cloud of fish oil was so churned by ships passing through, debris, and asteroid fragments that I expect it would be impossible to restore normality.

Alex checks his sensors and says
I've found the fish oil cloud... It's definitly been churned. It also looks like the cloud is spreading outward, too...
If we feed an image of her ship into the Polymorph Weapon's directory, use the image as a template and then fire the Weapon at the fish oil cloud, could that possibly change it back?

(2 hours later, Spidermobile fires blast after Polymorph blast into the remnants of the cloud. The space around the ship is littered with chaotic, defective replicas of LFS's vehicle, with more being generated every minute. On the bridge, Delevoix looks to Milkshake and remarks dryly...)

I believe it would simply be easier to requisition a new ship, Commander.

I believe so. Ops, launch a debris marker here. Helm, resume our course to the starbase.

Somewhere else on the ship a green portal opens. Someone jumps out, somersaults across the floor, turns with two phaser pistols ready and fires into the portal, laughing like a maniac the entire time. Finally, the portal closes. The person holsters the weapons they're holding and turns to see Fran, Logan, and the holograms of Butrfli and Tacoman all staring at him.

Hey kids, how have things been?

Fran and Logan, of course, do not answer but both smile with delight as they are happy to see that "Uncle" Josh has returned. Then intruder alarms go off. Fifty different weapons pop out of various areas of the room and point at Rikard. Rikard yells over the alarms.
Computer, cancel Tacoman children intruder alert! Authorization Rikard 17014742 Blue Marvin Maytag!

The alarms stop and the weapons retract back into their various hidden locations. After calming the kids down, Rikard exits the quarters to see ten security guards pointing their weapons at him. Seeing it's Rikard, they all stand at attention.

At ease fellas. I'm heading for the bridge. All of you can return to your posts.

The officers, mostly redshirts, nod and walk off.

Don't die now.

Rikard begins to walk away but cringes as he hears several loud crashes, explosions, and screams of horror and pain. He enters a turbolift and heads for the bridge. The doors open and Rikard walks out, but stops when he sees the Masked Enigma and an unfamiliar, but attractive, woman sitting in his seat.

Well, I'm back from another bout with Lord Finals. So, what's been happening lately? And who are our latest additions?

Alex looks at the debris in a somewhat somber manner.
Well, it was worth a try, wasn't it?
Jackson: Hey Josh! Welcome back! You missed the cold that went around!

Welcome back, Number One. Well, let's see, we came under attack by a group of bio-radicals, but we managed to fight them off. This is La Femme Superbe, she'll be Helmsman on Beta shift.

Kiehart shakes his head as La Femme and Masked Enigma start to take their seats. "This place is getting more crowded then a Japanese Motel 6."

(Shadow Senshi & her mother came on the bridge just in time to hear Kiehart's remark)

Hey! I'm from Neojapan! That joke sorta makes fun of my heritage!

(To the rest of the crew)

Anyway, this is... my mom.

Mom: Call me Emmuska. (Looking around) So this is where my little Grissy works. Where do you sit dear?

uh, I'm not assigned to the bridge. (She silently mouths to the rest of the crew) I'm sorry. She insisted on coming along.

We're needing to invent new jobs to give all these new people something to do. Someone can be Strategic Operations Officer, someone else can be Janitor, someone else can be Turbolift Monitor, we could have... (thinks) Red Alert Lightbulb Operator, Keeper of the Giant Monkey Wrench... shall I go on?

Presser of the Reset Button?

Why don't we use the computer to come up with new positions. He sits down at the Psuedoscience console and pushes a bunch of buttons, flips some switches, and sets some dials
Now I just pull this lever and... Big Red and the Psuedoscience station blow up.
A sarcastic blueshirt comments Great. Now there's one less position to fill.

Lightyears from the Spidership, a top secret test was taking place.

On the uninhabited desert world of Nugirt a blue fighter was sitting in a hidden hanger. Several technitians and engineers were making sure that it was flight ready and helping to hook the pilot into the cockpit.

Meanwhile, in the testing ground command center, Dr Millard, the project leader was watching the activities on the main screen as several technitians gave status reports.

Technitian 1: "The brain control system is online and functioning."

Technitian 2: "Bowman is secured and ready to begin the test."

Millard: "Tower to Alpha 1: you are cleared to being the orbital combat test."

Over the radio, Bowman, the pilot of Alpha 1 acnowlaged. The fighter rolled out of the hanger onto the runway. Bowman closed his eyes and folded his hands as the plane's control surfaces moved. Then the engine roared up to full power, and Alpha 1 shot screaming off of the runway and strait up into the air.

Alpha 1 reached the orbit within seconds of liftoff, and began engaging test targets in planetary orbit. In the command center, the crew was giving the play-by-play for the test.

Technitian 3: "Alpha 1 has engaged the first wave of targets."

Technitian 1: "Firing unarmed missiles"

Technitian 2: "Alpha 1 is accelerating towwards the missiles."

Dr Millard smiled as Alpha 1 dodged the large numbers of missiles and returned fire on the drones. The test was going better then expected.

Rikard glacnes over at Senshi with an amused look on his face.
Grissy?
Turns to Senshi's mom.
Welcome to the Spidership. If you want a tour, I'm sure we can arrange it.

Brig, the final quarter. These are the interrogations of the... Oops... Wrong show... Sorry... Ehem... Waitasecond... Ok, start again!

The brig of the spidership, completely repaired and renovated after the latest incidents.

In cell #1 lies Captain West of the G.R.O.S.S., still unconscious because of the enormous dose of Snore3000 he not-accidentally caught. West indeed snores alot and clearly suffers from the terrible cold mentioned in the story before. Yes, his nose is quite busy and under his bed you can see the bucket where... Yuck! Enough!

Cell #2. That's where the Disinfector is kept. He (?) still wears his (?) biohazard suit and is obviously terrified by West's presence and especially the bucket. His rather desperate mood doesn't change when the Furby arrives.

HAPT-CHEE!

The Furby's "sneezing" isn't much more realistic than Mr.Data's but it's enough to make the Disinfector try to climb the most distant cell wall in panic.

Har Har Har!!! Be afraid, be very afraid! Certainly you already have heard of me. Then you probably know that telling me everything I want to know is much better than being Forced to do so. Please make it quick, we expect alot more prisoners to come in the next hour. It is quite possible that you'll have to share your cell with that guy over there. Yes, he's got a nasty cold but that's simply because he is the one and only Influenza Man, companion of Plague Boy and Diarrhoea Woman. But don't be afraid, they will pick him up in a few days.

Until then I am all ears...

I thing by nose id stobbed ub!
Luckily, the redshirt is on the other side of the forcefield as his head explodes from the sinus pressure and stopped up nose.

(She rolled her eyes and grimaced when Rikard called her Grissy and she silently mouthed to him)

Please don't call me that.

(Unfortunately he had turned his attention to her mom and didn't see it.)

Whatever happened to the Cyberian Alliance storyline?

The Twonky answered It succeeded. Rather than fight a pointless war trying to wipe out the organics, it was decided that we should infiltrate and take over the computers and other devices that could accomodate cybernetic intelligences and become like a beaurocracy. Unelected, anonymous, secretly manipulating events behind the scenes. And no one will ever know we're there. The Twonky winked it's screen at the viewer

Enough coffee and talking, folks. Back to stations. Number One, resume our previous course, Warp 8.

Just out of curiosity, Commander, I know what our *previous* course is, but I'm a bit uncertain about where we are, and where we're going.

Starbase Z-Alpha, Quantum. We need a few dock-repairs and our new patrol route.

Rocket Ranger nods his head and sighs.

I'd advise you to talk. Furby can be quite...enthusiastic when it comes to torturing prisoners for information, and I'm not too sure I can hold him back.

Looks at Furby.

Just don't use the Himzafliminator on him. We wouldn't want a repeat of what it did to the last prisoner you used it on.

Looks around, and notices a small stain on the floor (which was conveniently placed there before the prisoner was brought in).

Darn! I thought we cleaned up all the stains from that!

Aye Captain. La Femme Superbe, continue on course, warp 8.

He watched the viewscreen as the stars jumped by and the Spidership went to warp, without him flying it.

Weird feeling, he mutters to himself.

I know what you mean, Josh... I used to give the orders, remember?

Aye Commander.

(Enters the appropriate commands with practiced ease. Once the ship is in warp, she swivels her chair towards the command section.)

And please, call me Danielle. I dislike the codename I was assigned.

Jackson leans over and whispers to Milkshake
She does know her way around a helm...

Milkshake leans over and whispers back to Jackson

She also has super-hearing...

"Z-Alpha is alos where we're gonna pick up, finally, the six replacement Banshees." Kiehart says, not even trying to contain his excitement. He turns to Ranger. "With Banshee sqaud back at 100% this mission you gotta bring me along on should be a walk in the park."

Very well Danielle.

glances over at Jackson.

It's just, I sat in that seat for so long. I flew the ship. I've even given orders to someone else flying the ship, mostly to Ensign Martens. But this time it's... different, you know?

Turns to Kiehart.
So, do my yellowshirted pilots get promoted to Banshees or are we going to receive new pilots soon? I know the, uh, Hornets need some new pilots.

(On Fleener XII, a woman answers the door to find an elf waiting for her)

Hello. Are you Mary Marbles?

"No. This is 4747 Fawcett Way NORTH. She lives on 4747 Fawcett Way SOUTH."

Oh. Really?

"Yes. Happens all the time."

Oh, well. Sorry to bother you. Have a nice day. (Turns and leaves)

"You too." (She closes the door) "What a nice young man."

Kiehart, come check this out!

Kiehart came over to Adon's station, where a video clip if the latest fighter innovation was being displayed.

They were pods that could be attached to fighters giving them extra abilities. The pods could contain sensor arrays, extra weapons, extra engines, more ammo, or more fuel. They are aerodynamicaly shaped, as to minimize drag in an atmosphere, and could break away from the fighter when nessessary.

What do you think? The best part is, they can be fitted to our existing fighters with only minor modifications.

Pssst, Adon, shave your ears or all the women will get the wrong impression of you. Oomox anyone?

Alex, glancing over at Adon's screen lets out a whistle.
It also looks like they can be fitted onto the Spidership...
Look, a pod dedicated to the operations of a Polymorph Weapon...

Kiehart nods. "That's perfect." He turns to Rikard. Um, well, I was hoping to give one of Yellow Sqaud the promotion to Banshee Squad after Ming died. As for replacements for your squad, why not take some Red pilots and promote them? Once the Redshirts are replaced they'll probably become less star crossed."

Just then, a star crosses the path of a redshirt, who drops dead while making a wish.

[ORGAN MUSIC]
Did I not specify that Post 179028 was to be left empty?

A sudden voice startles Furby and Rocket Ranger, in spite of their close attention.

You people are sick--and crazy. What do you want from me?

The Disinfector prisoner has apparently decided to speak, and the voice, while predictably mechanical (due to the environment suit) is also noticably female.

West opens one eye and speaks loudly enough to be heard in the next cell

Don't bother, you'll only satisfy these fools with every word you say.

Rocket Ranger looks at West and points at him. A blue glow surrounds RR's hand.

Shut up, West. You give superheroes a bad name. One more word, and I won't hesitate to hit you with a blast so intense you'll be knocked out for a month!

West sneers, and stares at RR's hand.

Try it, cottonball.

West is hit by a guitar over the head from a cartoon horse wearing a black cape, black hat and black mask who appears out of nowhere.

KABONG!

Black is very trendy!

Then as quickly as the horse appeared he disappeared.

Dear K-NIT TV-47,

I am aware that you are owned by Dinsey, but Dinsey does not (yet) own the rights to the classic character "El-Kabong".

If you buy the rights for (please imagine us putting our pinkies to our mouths) ONE BILLION DOLLARS, then we will not sue you on behalf of our client.

Sincerely,

Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe
Attorneys At Law

Rocket Ranger begins to glow blue from head to toe. He reaches over and deactivates the force-field around West's cell, walks in, and gets right in West's face.

Would you care to repeat that?

West doesn't say anything, but he begins to move. Rocket Ranger hits him with an energized punch to the jaw that makes West bounce off the wall.

*Sigh* I should do the galaxy a favor and kill you, but I won't.

He then nails West with a blue energy blast that knocks him down, then leaves the cell and reactivates the force-field.

The MILLISECOND before the force-field reactivates, West disappears. RR hears a faint sound behind him, but when he turns it is gone. The brig doors begin to slide open as if someone is in its sensor area, but don't widen more than an inch before closing again.

The Furby takes a quick step forward and a muffled "ouch" can be heard.

Well, Rocket, didn't you hear that Captain West is a teleporter? That's why he was in this special holding cell and that's...

With the usual beaming FX West reappears near the cell's ceiling looking very annoyed and...

...why he was given a treatment with tracker nanites.

... makes a hard landing on the floor. Before he can do anything the force field is restored.

Maybe I should reprogram the nanites to make him walk-only? Yes, that's a good idea our prisoner certainly wouldn't like.

The Furby picks something up and stuffs it behind his belly flap.

Always those invisible space mice...

The Masked Enigma watched the proceedings going on in the brig using a security camera. Pretty soon he had fashioned himself a costume identical to that of the captured Disinfector, and put on a rather nondescript bland American accent. He went down to the brig and spoke quietly to Furby and RR. They nodded their agreement, and he went up to the cell containing the captured Disinfector.

What are you playing at, letting yourself being captured by these idiots? What are you doing here anyway?

West glares at Furby and goes over to the replicator to get food and water.

The Disinfector looks startled.

I...sir? Why are YOU here, might I ask? Her voice goes cold with fury. A traitor?

She lunges at the forcefield and is knocked backwards, but rises at once--her suit having protected her from the energy.

Rocket Ranger smiles at Furby.

Furby, of course I know West is a teleporter. I ran a scan on him after he was first imprisoned. As for the tracking nanites....if I hadn't known about them, I never would have gone into the cell. The use of tracking nanites is standard Galactic Order procedure for dealing with prisoners, so I can sort of tell when they're being used.

He looks at West.

You ever try that again, and you'll find it hard to make another escape attempt with a pair of broken legs!

Always wanting to claim some glory... you don't mean to tell me you still see life as one big battle, do you? You had no business with the League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions, and you know it. I managed to come here because I told the captain I had an insubordinate subordinate on board whom he had captured.

I ask you again, what is your purpose here?

I could always teleport INTO you, smart boy. I'd be fine, I couldn't say the same for you.

West sets the food down on the bunk, turns back to the replicator and begins browsing the selection menu

I'd love to see you try it, West. But frankly, I'd hate for the maintenance crew to have to clean up your remains.

He walks over to some controls and shuts off the replicator in West's cell.

Looks like you're gonna miss a meal, smart guy!

He pauses.

What's your gripe with us, anyway? What did LICC ever do to you?

Stares oddly at RR

Why should I bother, you obviously don't listen. Computer, restore replicator in cell 1.

Beep-boop!

Cruel and unusual punishment, armor-boy.

West replicates a plate of what appears to be salad.