Yee-hoo!

Captain West suddenly turns around to see Jason Kiehart waiting for him. Kiehart grabs his arm and puts his gun, the alien clip set to fire explosive rounds, right next to West's nose. "Try it. Seriously. I'd love an excuse to shoot you."

-

Same time, on Earth, the ill woman with the son goes over a file with a TerrSec marking on it. In it is information about all the LICC members, past, present, and due to a bizarre accident with a time travel device, future ones as well. She coughs, more violently than ever before. She panics briefly, but continues scanning the files. She's looking for a member who was on Earth at the right time, and had the right blood type. It would be the only way what she had to do would succeed.

West stares at Kiehart.

WHAT are you doing here in the cell with me?

He didn't have a rendezvous for a loooong time. Keep smiling, West.

Rocket Ranger is outraged.

KIEHART, GET OUT OF THAT CELL RIGHT NOW!

He pauses, pulls out a PADD, and starts inputting data.

Attempted assault on a prisoner. Punishable by 1 to 5 years in prison.

Holster the gun, get out of the cell, and get your butt out of this brig immediately, or I'll put you in a cell of your own!

He pauses.

West, don't even think of fleeing. My helmet's sensors can tell me if you attempt to teleport, and I'm betting I can blast you before you move!

Smiles under his helmet.

And it won't be a stun-blast, either.

I'm not moving.

West just stands there, salad in hand.

grabs Kiehart, shoves him outside the cell and slaps him about the face in an attempt to get him to READ THE POSTS!

Kiehart looks at the cell wall confused. "Wait a minute, weren';t we JUST outside? I was stopping you from escaping. What the hell happened? And why the •••• is Quincy yelling at me?"

Rocket Ranger drops the forcefield around the cell, yanks Kiehart out, and puts the forcefield back up. West is still in the cell, eating his salad.

You must be having black-outs, Kiehart. I suggest that you report to sickbay. And don't even THINK of setting foot back in the brig.

Pinky, do you realize what it will mean once we get control of Captain's West's Tracking Nanites?

Narf, poit! Brain, if east is least & west is best, then what about north & south?

Hey! You two are supposed to be trapped in a black hole!

Oh, drat! It's the Reality Police. Run!

(Ensigns Pinky & Brain disappear in a cloud of Plot Continuity)

POOF!

(In the KILL universe, Mr. Dense is on the set, sitting at the desk, of his highly successful show, while his guest blathers on about some boring subject.)

Guest: ...as you can see the economic indicators predict a sharp downturn followed by a steadlly rising profit margin. Now this next chart shows..

(He shakes himself awake, furrows his neanderthal-like brows and slowly reaches down until his fingers wrap around the handle of his club. A low 'Ooooooh...' emanates from the audience as he brings the club up to his shoulder and stands while his unsuspecting guest continues talking.)

SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!

(the audience continues the chant as he stands over the body of his late guest, basking in the adulation of the crowd.)

(After filming, backstage)

Ah, brother dear, felicitations on another successful televiewing experience.

Huh?

Good show.

(Mr. Dense beems with pride)

Anyway, I have bad news. My attempt to get authorization for an excursion against the evil LICC has been turned down. They feel that using the resources of KILL 2 would put us at risk from enemies within this universe. However all is not lost! I have a cunning plan in mind that would allow us some measure of revenge for the destruction of the original Black Widow & the loss of some of our comrades.

Huh?

We're going to "Smash! Smash! Smash!" them

Hee hee hee. Smash! Smash! Smash!

(Several hours later in a secret scientific bunker)

Rather than attacking the whole LICC at once, we'll start small, a few at a time. starting with our counterparts.

(Mr. Sensible activates switches and sensors.)

Ah, ha! I've found my counterpart! Now to bring him here.

(activates various pieces of equipment)

Wait a minute! Something's not right!

(alarms sound, sirens start blaring, Mr. Sensible fiddles with more controls)

This can't be! It just can't...

This is Dan Rather the 47th at what used to be the Department of Psuedoscience. Sir, what happened?

Eyewitness: I... I don't know. We... we were working as usual, when suddenly alarms started blaring and a voice declared this an emergency evacuation. As I raced toward the exit, the walls started phasing in and out, power was fluctuating, and... and...

Take your time.

Eyewitness: After I got out the whole building... it... it... imploded into nothingness. Just a hole in the ground where it used to be.

Did everyone get out safely?

Eyewitness: The only people unaccounted for are R and Vice-President Absurd.

The Vice-President is among the missing?

Eyewitness: Yes.

A shocking turn of events on top of an already shocking turn of events. However the lack of rubble and a body does give one hope that perhaps the Vice-President has survived this catastrophe as he survived the attempt on his life during the Earth/Sslrth war.* Unfortunately we have no way at this point to be sure what has happened here.

My producer has been trying to get in contact with Vice-President Absurd's brother, Mr. Obvious, star of the recently cancelled and low-rated Mr. Obvious Show, for a comment on the Vice-President's apparent death, but so far he cannot be reached.

We shall continue with our coverage of this tragedy 24/7. Endlessly rerunning all that we know and shoving the Vice-President's apparent death down your throats until you are sick of it or until a bigger tragedy occurs.

But first a word from our sponser.

* LICC2 XXXIX

Captain, I think that you had better see this.

Adon pressed a few buttons, and a news broadcast appeared on the viewscreen. On it, By Dan Rather XLVII was telling the audience yet again that the Department of Psuedoscience had imploded and that Vice-President Absurd was missing.

I'm sure that he's still alive. If anyone can survive the universe collapsing it on itself, it is Mr Absurd.

Rikard hits the comm, opening a channel to the brig.

Are you kids sure you can handle this interrogation? Do we need to send Commander Adon and the rest of security down to take it over for you? Or do you guys think you can handle it from here?

(Her mother on a tour of the ship, Shadow Senshi headed for Zen Forward)

(To herself she thought) Whew! It is such a relief to get away from her for awhile.

(Turning the corner she saw Kilaev Pau-Amma)
Oh. Hi, I'm the Shadow Senshi.

(A yellowshirt noticed her talking to thin air and asked) Who are you talking to? There's nobody there.

Oh, great. Now I'm seeing people who aren't even there.

(Robot Redshirt is working on a console when the Spectre of Death forms behind him and silently comes up and puts a bony hand on his shoulder)

SoD: Excuse me, this is my first day as a Spectre of Death and I'm lost. Where can I find this redshirt? (shows Rob a picture)

Rob: Oh he's on Deck 13, Section 34. working working on the 'mashers', which are these big pistonlike valves with hundreds of razor sharp edges on them.

SoD: Thanks. You've been a big help.

Rob: No problem. (pause) By the way what kills him?

SoD: Heart attack.

Rob: Ahhh. Irony.

Jackson watches the broadcast
It looks like R is missing, too... It's probably an experiment R did...now, whether it went right or wrong or not....

The President's Vice is missing? This looks like a job for...

The League Of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions!

Either that, or let The Great Emancipator take all the glory.

(By the way, doesn't the President have lots of Vices? I heard of an American one from a thousand years ago who did.)

We are not coming to you from the former location of an alledged top secret scientific bunker.

This rather large hole in the ground is not where any top secret scientific bunker would have stood.

If there were any eyewitnesses they have not been secreted away by Imperial Interrogators to learn what happened.

This hole in the ground has nothing to do with the sudden rescheduling of The Best Of Mr. Dense reruns in place of new episodes.

I repeat, there was no mysterious disappearance of a top secret scientific bunker. There is no story.

That is all.

A President with a lot of vices? Boy, I bet he can really get a grip!

Suddenly, a pack of rabid weasels appear from out of nowhere and rip him to shreds.

Ladies and gentlemen, stay tuned after LICC for the premiere of our new mini-series based on that hot new comic book, Cucumber Man and Weasel Boy!

But now....a word from our sponsor.....

Chish & Fips is proud to announce, after all these years, the return of our famous homemade Brocolli and Octopus Stew to the menu as a regular item. Yes, the stew that sticks to your ribs is back once again, and its still made just the way you like it. With fresh brocolli, generous chunks of octopus meat, onions, sweet corn, sharp cheddar cheese, and our secret spice mix.

Come down to Chish & Fips today for a large steaming bowl, served with a big hunk of freshly made cornbread and a slice of orange and eggplant pie for dessert.

Chish & Fips. We put the OO in fOOd!

General Dulce Adari looked at the group of people around the conference table. She sat at the head of the table, with a number of men and women, each in their seats. Although the room was dark, each person was clearly illuminated. The youngest person present was around 40 years old. They each wore a grey uniform. General Adari looked at each person in turn.

General Adari: "What happened at the Department of Psuedoscience today?"

Dr. Marcus Roberts: "As far as we can tell, a dimensional bubble formed around the complex and collapsed, taking the complex with it."

General Adari: "And the status of the complex?"

Dr Roberts: "Unknown. The only thing we know for sure is that it is no longer in our universe."

Vice Admiral Tom Ahomee: "What about Project A? Couldn't that be used to search for them?"

At the far end of the table, Commander Gendo Lorenz crossed his hands. His uniform was unzipped, and he wore white gloves, unlike everyone else at the table. General Adari could see herself reflected in his glasses.

Commander Lorenz: "Project A would be of little use to us here. Given the sheer number of universes to search, the odds of stumbling on the correct one are almost zero."

V.A. Ahomee: "Then what can we do? We can't just abandon Vice President Absurd!"

Commander Lorenz: "There are a few people who could help us."
An image of the person in question appeared behind him. The first person was a young man. There was nothing remarkable looking about him.
"This person calls himself the Great Skeeve. He claims to be a demon, or a dimensional traveler. Unfortunatly, he vanished two months ago and has not been seen since."
The Great Skeeve was replaced by an image of The Observer.
"The Observer. He hangs out with the LICC. He will most likely be found there."
The Observer's image vanished, and was replaced with an image of Adon."
"Commander Adon, also of the LICC. We are all well aware of him and what he can do."
The image vanished, and General Adari stood up.

General Adari: "Very well. I will inform you when I have made my decision about this matter. You are all dismissed."

The images of everyone around the table vanished, leaving General Adari alone in the room. At the same time, blinds opened, letting the evening light into the room. She looked out over the skyline of New Atlantis and sighed. Her decision would not be an easy one.

You know, I've been wondering. Does this have anything to do with those heroes which have been disappearing a lot lately?

Interesting theory, Pete...
Steve, when we finish repairs and things at the space station, maybe we should return to Earth to investigate? After all, the vice president was one of us...

We disappear all the time.

We'll see if we're called back to Earth, Jackson.

All right people, enough dawdling. We're puttering along at Warp 5 when we can be to Z-Alpha by dinnertime if we rush. Helm, increase to maximum cruising speed.

Greetings, because the writers finally realized that shows this close to the Nitty Awards don't get seriously considered for Nittys, they've asked us to run this LICC Blooper Special in the place of the regularly scheduled LICC program.

(The Bridge of the Spidermobile I)
"Action"
(Pattie flips onto the set, slips and crashes into the consoles)

(Pattie sneaks up behind Tacoman in Engineering, he turns around and accidentally pokes a screwdriver into her breast, puncturing one of the balloons that creates her 'enhanced' chest. She turns to the camera in mock horror and yells)
Medic!

(Pattie looking at Ze French Knight)
Ooooh. I've always loved the French toast. Tongue! I meant tongue. Well, I like French Toast, too.

(the actress' first time wearing Patricia's costume under the stage lights)
Is it hot or is it just me?

(from offstage the crew says,) It's you, babe!

Awwww, thanks guys.

(Bridge of the Spidermobile II)
Since I've left I encountered a group of neverstrof... nevastrof... nevestyrof... Oh [CENSORED]! What is that [CENSORED] word.

(the child playing Quito begins giggling and repeating the words)

Don't say that those aren't nice words.

Announcer: It was at this time that the producers decided that Quito would be mute.

(Patricia's final scene)

Mr. Obvious: Good luck.

Thank you. (she then turns to the camera opens her outfit to reveal a t-shirt saying Watch my new show but the name has been digitally obscured because it's on another network.)

(Robot Redshirt getting caught in the turbolift doors)

(Robot Redshirt missing his cue)
What? I can't hear a bloody thing out of this helmet.

(Robot Redshirt walking into a wall, taking off the helmet)
Bloody 'eck! I turned down Star Wars for this gig? Can't see where I'm going 'alf the time.

(Mr. Obvious kisses Hela, she drops the Stone of Power. Milkshake picks up the stone and Mr. Obvious is still kissing Hela... still kissing Hela... still kissing Hela)
Director: Cut! Frank, You're supposed to kiss her, turn her around, then stop & say your line.

Heck with that! This is the only love scene I've had in the entire series! (Goes back to kissing Hela)

Where's my lavender costume?

OK, who took my lavender costume?

Guys, this isn't funny!

Greetings. After one of you guys killed Dust-Speck Man, the agency sent me as a replacement. I probably won't be able to do as much good as my mentor, Dust-Speck Man, but I will join in the fight. Glad to meet you. My name is.....is....line?

"After the cued explosion, you're supposed to squeal 'Mommy', and run off the bridge."

You're kidding. No, what's my line really?

"*Sigh*"

_________________

And what is Phantom Returns on? Something like XXV? No danger of cancellation, IMO. Anyway, the wave is gone, and we're about to hit land... CHUNK!!

Milkshake is propelled off the boat and onto the Neptunian beach, where his head is firmly imbedded in the sand.

muffled Somebody help me here?

_________________

Milkshake walks onto the bridge in a tiny tiny T-shirt that reads 'Mommy's Little Terror', and jeans

All of a sudden, my armor disappeared! And that was my last suit...what are you laughing at? Look, wardrobe...oh, we're cut? All right...arg, this thing is tight...

RRRIP! Uhoh.

_________________

Suddenly out of nowhere, Milkshake pounces on Stab-Man, who flips him end over end with a judo move. Milkshake falls heavily on the pavement.

"Cut!"

_________________

Milkshake, Tacoman and Quantum Man reach the transporter room. Milkshake raises a forcefield surrounding the pad and Quantum Man materializes the beacon. The small cylindrical object has a large gash in its tough neutronium skin, mute testimony to the power of the weapon that destroyed the alternate Spidermobile.

It doesn't look like any devices are planted in the recorder. I'll try to access the records remotely.

Milkshake turns too quickly, trips, and squashes the cardboard beacon

Aah! I mean, I'll fix it.
_________________

Your mining droids were a little enthusiastic. Not paying your maintenence men?

"Hey guys, we just got a call from E.E. at K-NIT. Come on over here, I have something to tell you..."

Finally, I hope we're getting mini-fridges in our dressing rooms...

(PD Insane runs onto the bridge and tries to shove Frankovsky out of the way, but misses, and lands against the tactical station, causing it to fall over and land on Tacoman.)

"Cut!"

No, just a slight bruise.

Who the h*ll is Heisenberg anyway?

Hi! I'm a 30 second bomb!
Hi! I'm a 29 second bo... AAAAAHHHH! Thud!
the string holding the annoying talking bomb breaks, and it falls to the floor.

Coffee. Black.
Instead, the replicator shoots cold water out. Of course, it lands on the Furby!

Ohhh! I hope they show a whole bunch of Furby getting soaked bloopers. I liked it during the Superhero Convention^*, when Furby got soaked!

How come they didn't get Dick Clark to host this?

^* LICC1 Part IX - The Great Superhero Convention

Furby's animator starts to slap Quantum Man with the remote control and Jaques the coiffeur howls in pain.

Get an airdryer!

The Furby, costumed and hairdressed as Elvis, sings "Viva Las Vegas" and shakes a pelvis he's holding in his left paw.

Tinky-Winky does a reverse striptease.

After inserting a Pokemon into a coin slot alt-Furby wins the jackpot.

A few armed Tribbles rob a casino.

At the supervillian convention, Butrfli flaps her wings. Suddenly, the camera tips over and begins flying around the room, briefly showing the wind machine.

Captain Tacoman steps onto the bridge and sits in his chair. A loud noise comes from it, and Tacoman removes a whoopie cushion from the chair.
Ok, who's the wise guy?

Kiehart stands next to Ranger in the brig. "So, when are we gonna leave?" "Hmm?" "You and I were requested, remember?"

*Off Screen*

"OK, Brian, your red hair piece was coming lose!"

"Aw dammit! I'm going to my trailer!"

Adon draws his sword, which slips out of his hand and crashes off camera.

"Oh, [CENSORED]"

------------------------------------------------

A shot of the Spidership on extremely obvious strings "flying" through space.

------------------------------------------------

A quick shot of Adon walking down a corridor, turning to check out the cute extra walking past him, and he trips over a wrinkle in the rug.

Kiehart walks into the force field that turns his hair red, and passes right through. "Oh sh[bleep!], the tape is right there, sorry."

OK, who put the Ramona cat-ears and whiskers onto my costumes "Q"?

I did!

Director: "John, this is an uncredited appearance, by the way. If the suits at Paramount learn that you're playing Q..."

Don't worry about it. snaps fingers

Sailor Evil, holding her three-pronged knife, an extra in Tacoman's uniform & a couple of extras standing on the bridge set
Director: Okay, honey, just throw the knife past the camera.

Okay, dad.

Director: Don't call me dad. People will think it's the only reason you're on the show.

Sorry, Mr. Spelling.

Director: You in the Tacoman armor, move over a step so we don't get your face in the shot. pause Good and... Action!

She brings the knife up, which slips and hits the flat behind her
Ooops!

She throws the knife... into the camera lens
Eeep! Good thing it's only plastic.

She throws the knife, which goes under the camera
Off-screen voice: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

I'M SORRY! IT'S JUST PLASTIC!

Cameraman: high-pitched voice It still has a point!!!

(Redshirt standing on Bridge, a smoke bomb goes off and when the smoke starts to clear the redshirt can be seen still standing there)
Cut. You're supposed to duck behind the bulkhead before the smoke clears!
Someone turn on the blower to get this smoke out of here so we can do it again!

***

(Redshirt poised in front of console)
Off-screen voice: Wait! Don't touch that console!
(Redshirt touches console, then pretends to be electrocuted and falls to the floor)
Off-screen voice: We lost another one. (At this point the redshirt gets on his hands and knees and starts crawling away)
Director: We can still see you!
(Redshirt blushes then falls to ground again hoping to save the scene.)

***

(Shot of Mr. Obvious in front of group of extras)
Did we become heroes because it was easy?

Did we become heroes just to show off our bodies in tight-fitting uniforms?

Did we become heroes just for the merchandising and licensing deals?

(One of the extras in a red shirt clutches his chest)

Or did we become heroes to help the people who couldn't help themselves?

(The extra gasps and drops to the ground)

To defend the weak & downtrodden from...

(Mr. Obvious turns and stares at the extra who twitches and finally becomes quiet)

Okay. Very funny. Who decided to have a deadshirt occur in the middle of my big, dramatic speach?

(A chorus of "Not me"s from off camera. An extra checks the redshirt's pulse)

Was it you Jon? Or maybe you Jake. I'll bet CC did it. Where are you Chuck?

Extra: I don't think this guy's acting! Medic!

From LICC 1, when Taconator and Taquitoboy are in a gun competition
regarding Taquitoboy from across the mirror
So, you want to play rough, do you?
setting phaser to its highest setting, and stepping aside
Do you see that asteroid on this side of the mirrror?
Taconator aims his weapon offscreen, he pulls the trigger, and water shoots from it. The sound of laughter from the crew is heard. The actor playing Taconator turns to the camera and says
What, no toilet paper so I can wipe the asteroid?

(Walt Wonderful confronting Tacoman & Butrfli)
WW: I suppose you are wondering why I've done all this? Well, to make a long story short.
T: Don't tell it.
(laughter)
WW: Oh, all right. (sticks out index finger) Bang. bang.
(Tacoman & Butrfli ham it up pretending to die)

***

(Mr. Obvious & Mr. Absurd at a podium)
Mr. O: Ladies, & Gentlemen & Things... No that's not right.

Take 2

Mr. O: Ladies, Gentlemen & Things of the press, as the doctors have already told you, I have come to an important conclusion.

Mr. A: What about your injuries?

Mr O: Doh!

Take 3

Mr. O: Ladies, Gentlemen & Things of the press, as the actors have already told... Nooo!

Mr. A: The nice thing about my part is if I mess up a line they leave it in because it's still in character.

***

(Ensign First kicks down the dropship's damaged door & steps out with her big gun, trips and falls head over heels)
Ow!

***

(Old DC Fan)
How am I supposed to remember all this comic book [CENSORED]? I'm an ACTOR! I've done SHAKESPEARE! Here I am playing some loser who has wasted his life reading comics. (pause) Is that camera on?

Rocket Ranger walks toward the door to his lab, and instead of sliding open, the door falls toward him and almost hits him.

Quincy, wearing his old outfit with the black leather jacket, slams his wrists together and yells....

ROCKET POWER!!

His right wristband falls off, and it can clearly be seen that it is actually painted plastic, NOT metal.

Oh, Censored!

A scene from the Supervillain Convention:

Ojanon takes a swipe at a Puzzle-Man with his Malachite Staff, and the top of the staff breaks off.

••••!

He bends down to pick up the broken piece, and potato chips fall out of the end of the piece he is still holding.

Blast it! There goes my in-between scene snacks!

Rocket Ranger, in his energy containment suit, is standing next to Shirana, who is talking.

Shirana: I'm from Division Sex!

Laughing can be heard from off-camera, and she looks embarassed.

Six! I meant `Six'!

Butrfli stands around, waiting for her cue. Her wings are not in evidence. An offscreen voice yells "Action!" and Butrfli presses a hidden button in her palm. Her wings unfold, she looks like she's about to fly, and she says
To infinity, and beyond!
In the background, the crew erupts in laughter, and the offscreen voice says "Cut!"

Breathing...

Tacoman...I am your father!

And Milkshake's too! And Quantum's and Adon's and Kiehart's and...

The entire filming crew does a ROTFLBITC.

QM is in the 21st Century during the author switch storyline...

To a K-NIT studio security guard:

Can you tell me vhere I can find the nuclear wessels?

A blond-haired male blueshirt approached Milkshake, carrying a PADD.

Could you sign this?

While the bloopers were playing, we reached Earth. Shall we beam the captured Disinfector down to the Garden of Unresolved Storylines?

Captain the storage facilities canna take much more! My wee bairns weren't designed to hold this many unresolved plots! Too many more an' the whole place could blow!

dramatic music plays

Hah ha ha! See! Not one blooper featuring Frangelica because she's too good to make a mistake!

Well, maybe her bloopers just weren't funny?

Heretic! If Frangelica made a blooper it would be hilarious!

Gee, look at the time. I gotta go now.

Daddy, is the blooper show over?

No, dear, that was just the coming attractions for the next episode. There's still a few minutes left to show a few more bloopers.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

You know the great thing about LICC is... Line!

Prompter: You know the great thing about LICC is they have so many different levels of reality that they not only break the 4th wall, but the 5th, 6th, 7th, & 8th walls as well.

Got it. Let's take it from the top.

Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-

his head explodes from the strain of trying to understand it

(Hamburger Pattie shows up on a beach wearing her mask, bikini bottom and two strategically placed slices of cheese)

Did somebody mention a hamburger with... Whoops!

(the cheese slices slip off and she quickly covers herself up)

Hey! That wasn't a blooper from LICC! That was a blooper from the Phantom Returns Comedy Hour! How dare they try to pass off a non-LICC blooper on a LICC blooper show. Isn't that right Tom?

Tom?

(Tom is staring at the screen which is showing a freeze frame of Pattie) *drool*

TOM!!!

Tom: Wha? Oh, yes, dear. Of course. (pause) Boy could I go for some cheese.

Another redshirt bites the dust!

notes down the red-shirted K-NIT viewer in his ledger

All right! This is beginning to get silly. The last thing we want around here something si... at that moment he is stepped on by a two-dimensional giant foot

I'll take one Argelian dustcake, please. the clerk gives one, he takes a bite and turns to the camera

I've just bitten the dust.

as he walks his foot makes contact with a metal container

Oooh! I've just kicked the bucket.

Stockgirl: Excuse me sir, but can you help me put these flowers on the top shelf?

Of course. {as he's putting them up} I'm pushing up the daises.

he walks along singing, when a group of transparent singers approaches him

Conductor: Excuse me, but would like to join our group?

Why, yes I always wanted to sing with the choir invisible.

Farms for sale! (turns to the redshirt) Would you like to buy one?

To the redshirt.

Our special today is cookies shaped like numbers. Would you like to try it? Hands the redshirt a 2 foot long cookie shaped like the number "1". Would you like to bite the big one?

I've bought the farm!

I've bitten the big one!

walks by a person on a scale finding out how heavy they are

Hey! I've passed a weigh!

Blueshirt: Come here, quick! I think one of the worms in my worm sancuary has escaped!

Redshirt: How many should there be?

Blueshirt: 16.

Redshirt: Well, let's see how many there are now... one, two, three, four...

Hey, I'm counting worms!

Another Blueshirt walks up to the Redshirt and taps him on the shoulder.
Excuse me, but we need some help with the Redshirt cloning machine...
Redshirt: I'd be glad to help.
The Blueshirt leads the Redshirt to the cloning room and shows him the Acme Redshirt Cloning machine.
Blueshirt: Interestingly enough, our records show that you came from this particular machine, so in effect, you're meeting your maker...

The redshirt who was counting words was not the 'Redshirt pushing his luck' from above.

I meant worms, not words!

Rikard pulls out his lightsaber and hits the activation button. Nothing happens. He hits it again. And again. And again. He shakes it.
What are the batteries out on this or something?
-------------------------------------------------
Rikard is running when the persuader device on his neck activates. He winces in pain and falls to his knees.
Oh no, not these again!
He then falls to his hands and knees and does a very good "Captain Kirk in great pain" impression as the crew cracks up.
-------------------------------------------------
Director: Action!
Rikard: Are you insane?
Thompson: No sir, I'm Lt. Thompson. I believe Mr. Insane is on the bridge.
Director: Cut! Very Funny.

Pete, how the heck did we get all the way to Earth? I thought we were heading to Z-Alpha.

Rikard walks over to Insane's console.

Hmm.

He hits it a few times. The display goes from Earth to streaking stars.

Sorry sir. It appeared that the console was stuck on information on Earth. Apparently we've been there so much that the computer automatically assumed that that is where we're going right now. We're still on course to Z-Alpha, warp 9.6.

Kieart nods, smiling. "Excellent. We can pick up the new Banshees! Complete with new anti-takeover technology."

Excellent. I've just taken over the company that manufactures the anti-takeover technology. What a delicious irony, eh, Smithers?

Oh we're the boys in the LICC!
We hope you like our show!
We know you're rooting for us!
But now we have to blow! BOOM!!

Well, if nobody needs me right now, I'm going down to the Holodeck.
Jackson enters the Turbolift and hails Butrfli
Want to wander down to the Holodeck? We could find a program for the kids, too...
Butrfli: That actually sounds good. There's not much going on around here, so I'll stop by our quarters, pick up the kids, and meet you there.
Jackson: Right.
Jackson reaches the Holodeck, and a few minutes later, Butrfli shows up with Fran and Logan. Together, they enter the Holodeck for a variety of fun.

I haven't been able to get anything out of the Disinfector.

The blueshirt covered his face with his hands and either pulled off or stuck on a false nose, it was unclear which. He then pulled off his blonde wig and the black hair of The Masked Enigma showed underneath. He then whipped out a mask from his pocket and tied it around the upper half of his face. He then peeled off his LICC blue uniform and underneath was the costume of the Masked Enigma. He also reverted to his exaggerated accent.

Pretty good disguise, eh? I even fooled you. Shows how good I am at this.

Not bad at all, Enigma. Do you have some sort of heat baffle on you? My infrared readout didn't even display any difference.

Commander, we have reached Starbase Z-Alpha. Request permission to dock.

Kiehart smiles. "Finally! It sure as hell as takn long enough. I'll be on the Flight Deck if you need me. Getting the new fighters set in."

The Mausked Enigma nevah reveals his secrets.

Or uses breath mints. Phew!

Kiehart, do you need any help?

Dock we shall, with all due haste. Number One, will you arrange for the repairs we need? Soon as we get the ball rolling, shore leave for everyone.

"Not really. I'm sure the robotic cargo arms can handle the Banshee fighters. There are only six of them and they aren't powered up yet. Although, you me and Lopez could take three of them, randomly selected, on a shakedown flight. Interested?"

Repairs Captain? Of course, I'll get right on it.

He throws a short glance in Kiehart's direction when he hears the comment. He sighs, mumbling under his breath,

I remember when I was a pilot. Good days, good days.

"Repairs Captain"?

I didn't know he was damaged.

Alex: Of course. I'd like to see what those things can do.
Just then, the turbolift opens, revealing Jackson, Butrfli, and the kids, who are in hover-strollers.
Jackson: ...of course, that still leaves the possibility that there is chocolate mining operation out there.
Steve, Butrfli and I were talking, and I think we've reached a decision. We're going to buy a family speeder at this station and explore the universe for a while. Maybe even settle down for a while. One thing we havn't mentioned is that when we were sent to the alternate 21st century, Butrfli and I got married, and Alex was our main witness...
Milkshake looks up at Alex with a eyebrow raised in a curious manner, and Alex only nods. Jackson continues.
...of course, that doesn't mean we can have a ceremony here, too. And possibly a small party...

Kiehart smiles. "Congrats kids! Just make sure you don't videotape the honeymoon. You wouldn't want THAT falling in the wrong hands." He gives a 'know-what-I-mean' wink to the couple. "Why not?" a Redshirt comments. "Pam and Tommy got MILLIONS off their tape." The Redshirt then drops dead after accidentally stabbing himself in the gut when he gets a [GRATUITOUS SEXUAL JOKE DELETED]. Kiehart notices this and all he can say is, "And yet that guy never had a date. Amazing."

Of course, if that tape made millions, just think about how much a tape of the former leader of the LICC could make...

{Inspector Mystery steps off the turbolift onto the bridge wearing Jedi-in-training garb.] I have been on the holodeck for a couple of hours doing my Jedi exercises and I would like to report back to duty.

Hours? Years more like. Welcome back, Inspector!

Er, yes, well...

Many congrats, Jack and Butrfli. Certainly we'll have a party, one for the record books.

Mystery, welcome back! Did you fall into a temporal rift or something?

Congratulations Jackson. You want us to look after the kids while you two go on your Honeymoon?

Glances at Robot Redshirt.

What are you talking about?

it's good to be back. I have been in the background most of the time. although, I did expeirence an anomaly of some sort, there was a bright light and I found myself at someplace called Monroeville Mall. From the looks of things, it seemed to be the early twenty-first century. I was there for a couple of days. Did anybody else see such an anomaly?

Inspector! Long time, no see!
Yeah, we all were subject to the anomaly you described.
Josh, I think we'll be taking the kids with us. Most honeymoon spots have day-care facilities, and we're also going to a few places that are family friendly.

Now that's good news. Congratualtions, Taco and Butrfli! Wait, here I have a little gift for your kids, a toy.

Hands them a Tribble wearing a tux.

This ist just a Tribble toy, not a real one, certainly not a special Spy Tribble and of course without a built-in holocamera phalanx.

Grins.

Jackson takes the Tribble toy and looks at it
So I put it in the kid's room and not the honeymoon suite, right?
Butrfli: Thanks for the gift, Furby.

Besides, it's 10 o'clock and time for the Redshirt on top of your viewscreen to explode!

It can walk, so...uh... Nevermind!

Btw, congratulations on your impending nuptials. I always knew this would happen. the two of you make a great couple.

A little under an hour later...

Good, we're all set. All hands, this is the Captain. 72 hours shore-leave for all shifts. Report back no later than 1500 hours on Sunday. Have fun. That's all.

Milkshake stands

Well, I don't know about you all, but I'm going to see if Z-Alpha has a sports bar. Galaxy Cup playoff tonight, Earth vs. Alpha Centauri, and I'm not about to miss it. See you all back here on Sunday.

He heads for the turbolift

It was raining. Most of the residents of the small colony, Totokanda were indoors because of the rain, along with the few off-world visitors that were around.

One of those off-worlders was in the local bar, waiting out the storm. He went by the name of Gene Windward. He was of middle hight with red hair cropped short, and there was a long scar on his left cheek. He was wearing a long, tan coat, almost faded to white, that hung down almost to the floor. The butt of an old-fashoned gun poked out of the right pocket. The coat had no left sleeve, but it looked like the leather glove he was wearing went all the way up to the shoulder, where it met the coat. He had a matching glove on his right had, but the coat's sleve hid whether that glove also went all the way up his arm or not.

He wore an earring on his right ear, and it beeped once as he was finishing his drink. Then, a voice came from it.

Aurthor: "Gene, this is Aurthor. I have found the location of the Spidership."

Gene touched the earring.

Gene: "Well? Where is it?"

Aurthor: "It has just docked at Starbase Z-Alpha. We can be there in 36 hours, if you hurry."

Gene: "How long will they be staying there?"

Aurthor: "Unknown."

Gene: "All right. I'm on my way."

Gene stood up, dropped a few credits onto the bar, and walked out into the storm.

Meanwhile on station Z-Alpha, lurked a new villain just waiting for the heroes to disembark. He had travelled back in time & knew they would be here. He had been planning this for years. He had advanced weapons ready to take care of all the superheroes. Specially calibrated to handle whatever superpowers or technology LICC might bring against him. Now that the Spidermobile had docked his victory was at hand. His weapons concealed on his body he headed to where the first heroes would disembark. A dark smile crossed his lips as he pressed the button to signal the turbolift.

'Soon, soon', he thought, 'soon the League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions will be dead.' The doors opened, he stepped in and fell down the turbolift shaft to his death.

Which just goes to show that if you're going to be a successful villain, you should never, ever wear a red shirt.

Jackson: And we should start looking for a speeder.
Butrfli: Right.
Alexander: Kiehart, when do you want me to help test the new fighters?

Kent comes walking up to Kiehart.

There was a problem with the engine design for the new fighters. It was causing the whole system...weapons, shields...everything except life support, to shut down if you went over a certain speed for more than ten minutes. I think Wayne fixed it, though.

He starts to walk off, but stops and turns around and looks at Jackson and Butrfli, smiling.

Almost forgot. Congrats, you two.

He heads to a turbolift and leaves.

A lavender waveform appears on the bridge. Of course, it collapses into Quantum Man.

Where am I, roughly? And when am I? Man, these Heisenberg temporal uncertainties are a pain!

Looks around.

Oh, good. I'm on the SpiderShip.

Checks a chronometer.

Crud. I've been gone nearly a week. What's been going on?

Down in Ansh's quarters, where she has been staying since the battle against Mary Worth, Quito is napping. Her little body is relaxed in sleep, though her alien face looks sad--even the hand holding the doll Observer made is slack against the cushion.

Until something causes her to jolt upright. Tense and trembling, antennae moving in tentative jolts, Quito blinks herself awake and glances about the room. Nothing there is the cause of the recognition that has jerked her awake...in fact....

The child rolls from the bed and runs straight out the door into the corridor. Though her direction is purposeful, her gaze has turned inward, and she doesn't hear any of the comments made by crew members as she pads past them towards Observer's quarters, doll dangling from one tight fist.

(In his darkened quarters, Observer rests on his couch, socked (or stockinged) feet up on the low table in front of him. The living room viewscreen is displaying what seems to be an ancient news report from the first days of active-visual media, halfway filling the room with a bluish light. It is two-dimensional, and not occampanied by a data feed. The sound is muted, but from the look of the news announcer and the images being displayed, it is an event of great importance.

Observer watches without any trace of emotion on his face, but eventually closes his eyes. The quarters, indeed the ship, are deathly quiet. The engines are powered down in spacedock and the vast majority of the crew are on leave. Once or twice Observer opens his eyes again, but just as he begins to fall into dreamless sleep...

Two very soft knocks at the door. His eyes snap open. Very odd occurance. Anyone wishing to enter would simply push the anunciator button.)

Computer, freeze display.

(He gets up, stretches a little, and walks over to the door. It slides open, and...)

The tiny ship approached Starbase Z-Alpha. Inside, Gene Windward sat at the controls. Behind him, was a tiny hold which held a few personal belongings and his sleeping area. Other then that, the craft was empty.

Aurthor: "I am accessing the Z-Alpha docking network. Displaying available docks."

The screen lit up, displaying all the placed where the ship could dock. It also showed the location of the Spidership.

Gene studied the screen for a moment.

Gene: "Take us to dock 47."

Aurthor: "Rodger. Adjusting course to 216 mark 15. Transferring to autopilot in 3... 2... 1... now in autopilot."

Gene stood up and gathered his gun belt and gun from in the back room. He thumbed a small switch on the revolver, and the barrel and cylinder angled down, pivoting just in front of the trigger guard, and revealing six empty holes in the back of the cylinder. He loaded six fresh shells into the gun, and snapped it closed with a flick of his wrist. Satisfied that everything was in the proper order, he buckled his gun belt on, put on his coat, and holstered the gun. Then, he waited for the docking maneuvevers to finish.

You know PD, its been years since I was last here. In fact, the last time that I was here, Frangelica and I were working on a case together.