And Phantom Returns pulls ahead of LICC3 on the straightaway!

That's got to hurt... in ANY universe!

I just want you to know that I'm feeling very depressed.

[hic]

From the moment I first met you, all those years ago, a day hasn't gone by that I've not thought of you, and now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you makes my stomach turn, my mouth goes dry. I get dizzy, I can't breathe. I'm haunted by that kiss you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar. What can I do? I will do anything you ask...If you are suffering as much as I am, please tell me.

The hiccoughing guards are probably british

And girdle is in the stretch!

Woot!

*sigh* It'll be years before we even have a chance of overtaking the New Menace boards. *sigh*

Mr Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilsoooooooooooooooon!

Help me.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA......

......AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

SQUELCH!!!!!!!

I know how you feel.
SPLAT!!!

Oh no, not again.

Don't worry. I've got you!

catches the bowl of petunias, crosses the goal line and spikes the bowl to do a victory dance

Going down....

....coming up!


Matron!

Soylent powers, Activate!!!!!

Not for long!

Lunzak, fire the Death Ray at the Soylent Twins! Soon I will reign destruction on all Soylentkind!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

But it's not dry yet!

Wake me when it's over. [YAAAAAAAWWWWWNNNN]

Yawn.

Mawwaige. Mawwiage is that which bwings us togethew.

Yes! Ret us now sing the opening hymn, wolds by Wirriam Brake!

And did those feet in ancient time
Wark upon Engrand's mountains gleen
And was the hory ramb of God
On Engrand's preasant pastules seen

And did the countenance divine
Shine folth upon oul crouded hirrs
And was Jelusarem buirded thele
Among those dalk Satanic mirrs

Bling me my bow of bulning gord
Bling me my allows of desile
Bling me my speals o'crouds unford
Bling me my chaliot of file

I wirr not cease flom mentar fight
Nol sharr my swold sreep in my hand
'Tirr we have buirt Jelusarem
In Engrand's gleen and preasant rand....

[hic]

You again? Why doncha go see a doctor or somethin?

If there be anyone with any just cause for Prince Valium and Princess Diazepam to be not married, speak ye now, or forever hold your peace, says I!

Pieces of eight! Who's a pretty page boy, then?

Thank goodness I'm Seven of Nine, without any eights!

You will be assimilated, you dumb bird!

Me hearties, I spots Seven of Nine, I does! A vast behind, says I!!! Ha-Haaaarrrrrgghhh!

The hills are alive with the sounds of hiccoughs!

I don't like Seven. Seven ate nine.

How come no one wants me for breakfast?

"Friends, Romans, penguins, lend me your ears..."

"Is this a penguin I see before me?"

"It is the south for Juliet is the penguin..."

"For the world is a stage and the penguins merely players..."

Hahahahaha! Yes foolish humans, we penguins have been behind your greatest advancements in science, we've written your greatest works of literature, and your best sounding music. Why we've even...

What about Mandy?

What?

Mandy. By Barry Manilow. Was that one of ours?

No!

I didn't think so.

Weren't you supposed to be keeping an eye on Padawan Nitpicker to make sure he doesn't use us in LICC?

Ooops! Gotta go!

Sorry about that interruption. Now where was I?

I'm the best of both conspiracies!

Penguins want you to think they are so great, but what about the penguin on the grassy knoll?

There was a penguin serial killer in London called Jack the Flipper.

One of Batman's greatest villains was... The Penguin!

Holy waterfowl, Batman!

Mr. Blair! Mr. Blair! Pleeeeeease give me another cabinet position! I'll be good! I won't speak to Mr. Robinson or anyone called Hinduja ever again!

[hic]

Go and get a glass of water.

I know what you mean Robin old chum there is something afowl going on around here. Quickly boy wonder, to the Batmobile!!

Ha-Haaaarrrrggghhh! Not so fast, me hearties!

I say, Archbishop! It's those Soylent people again on the port bow!

Set sail, ye, for thy heathen lands!

Let us spread the Good News, says I!

So be it, Cap'n! Oooo-arrrrr!

BLLAARRGGG!
No, what are you doing? Not the Polymorph Gun!
Zap
What the? I'm now a giant monster penguin? What have I done to deserve such a fate?

Oh, really, Master Mate.

Arrgh! I'm a lookin' fer Pepperman!

Have some peppermint, instead.

Annnnd nowwww at twwwwen--ty minutes passsst three, the maiiiiin headddd---lines again....

Ha-haaaargh! You corsairs are doooooomed!

Whut thu [CENSORED] is thet [CENSORED] funnyboy talkin' about, Drew? *belch*

Ah don't [CENSORED] know, Fleagle. *burp*

I've got coarse hairs all over my backside, says I!

No I didn't!

[hic]

Once more, it's Five O'clock and time for the penguin on top of your telly to explode. You did get a new penguin after the last time, didn't you?

Yes, and I had to get a new television, too, thanks to you!

BURMA!

Hey! Who I've got on top me me is none of your business! Haven't you ever heard of privacy?

What's this penguin doing on my head?

The Macarena

SPLUNGE!!!!!!

Honey, do you have a splunger? I think the stoilet is sbacked up!

BURMA!

Sorry, I panicked.

[hic]

[hic]
[haec]
[hoc]

Five beers please.

These Romans are crazy!

Well you have a lot of Gaul!

Boingy

Boingy

Boingy

Who wants some crack cocai-- I mean, magic potion?

Panoramix a.k.a. Getafix, did someone hit you witha menhir again?

[CENSORED] you guys! I'm going back to my home planet!

And [CENSORED] you too, Junkie XL!

Oh coitus!

No thanks. I'd rather have a cup of tea.

B B B B B B B B B B BB B B B
KILL! KILL!
B B BBB BBB B B B B B B B B B B B B BBBB

BBB BBB BBB BBB BBB B B B KILL! KILL! B B B B

C

C


C C C


C C

We sails the seven seas, says I!

"We sails the seven seas"

Oh no! TIE squadrons closing in!

(-O-) (-O-)


(-O0-) (-O0-)


|-O-| |-O-| |-O-|

Get to your ships, Rogue Squadron!

:>o<:

o-0-o

Ha-Haaaaaa! A job for the Soylent Squadron at last!

Roll call!

Rouge!
Pink!
Green!
Goldenrod!
Spice!
The Half a Misheard Lyric!
Art and Paul!
Cleveland!
Tremeloes!
Running!
Knight!
Penguin!
Narrator!
The Twins!
Pegleg!

We are united once again!!!!! Let us go defeat the evil TIE squadrons!

Hey! You forgot about me again!

And me too! You still owe me rent money, ya bum!

Soylent Pink is Pea Pods!

Would I lie to you, baby, would I lie to you?

Up and at 'em, our kid!

>Would I lie to you, baby, would I lie to you? >

Probably

Get me out of this h*llhole!

Good Grief!

Gimme some sugar ecstasy! Sorted! LSI, you know! Destination Eschaton!

Oh d-d-d-dear. Oh very, very d-d-d-dear!

Can you hear me now?

Somebody say something?

Hmmm, perhaps it was the wind....

Wind, eh? Excuse me...

Rushes into nearest toilet

G-G-G-Gr-Gre-Gree-Gree-Gree-Gree-Hello Piglet!

Mad Marty, can you get out ketchup?

Is that you, Threekwood?

The I who posted on Monday July 29 was not the same I who posted on Monday, July 22.

Hopefully this will clear up any confusion.

Who hit me!

For 200 samoleans a day, plus expenses, I could find out for you.

I-yi-yi-yi-yi!

I was the first man in space in our street...

Look behind you, a three-headed monkey!

And it's dancing on the trunk of a Siamese elephant!

I didn't know you could get elephants from Siam. Guess I was wrong again...

Not to worry, for I am surely the most EVIL fiend in the entire Universe! Kneel before me, and feel the pangs of terror emanate from the very core of my being! MWAAA-HAAA-HAAA-HAA-HAAA-HAAAAAAAA!!!

Sorry. We own evil.

Am I not EVIL enough for you? Do you not quake in terror when you see me? MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAA!

A mechanical letter I wanders onto the scene...
Hi there! I'm from the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation! I'm your metallic pal who's fun to be with!

Will the "I" brigade finally succeed in destroying all sanity?
What is the deal with the sudden influx of pirates on this board, and why are some of them Pirates of the Cloth?
Where exactly did Soylent Squadron go, and does anyone care?
Will we hear from the Penguin Conspiracy ever again?

Find out.... later. I think.

The Guybrush THREEPwood who posted on August 02 was not the same as the Guybrush Threepwood who posted on July 31.

Bah! I am much more EEEEEVILLLLL than he! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!

Sorry, "I Robot", but you're my "Plastic Pal who's fun to be with".


Well, there's some nice people who want me to go stand up next to this wall... See you soon!

Aw, go stick your head in a pig!

I want to join the marketing division of the SCC! I can do a great pitch! Listen:

"Buy a robot for hours of fun, entertainment, companionship, pleasure - and unbridled EEEEEEEVIL!!!! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!!!!!"

Arrrgh, me hearty! Ye're in violation of me copyright! I own the copyright on the skull!

Morte? Is that you?

If so, then the skull belongs to ME!

A gloomy looking pirate ships appears on the scene
Avast, I'm sad, and so is my crew. I've come to take on other gloomy, sad, and depressed people for our journey to nowhere!

Pardon me, but that skull actually belongs to ME!

Hey Chief, these people won't leave me alone! Get me outta here!

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio. Of course, he wasn't poor before he invested in a bunch of dot-coms. Back then, he was known as "Rich Yorick".

Talk about losing one's head!

I don't think Yorick is going to get ahead in life.

He certainly won't become the head of any major organisation.

Here is your order, Miss Salome.

So tell me, Waiter... why do they call you "head" waiter exactly?

Ay carumba!

[hic]

[cih]

Oh no! The mirror universe guards have been infected with the CIH virus!

Disinfect! DISINFECT!!!!!!

Error! Sterilize! Error!

EX-TER-MI-NATE!

EX-TER-MI-NATE!

EX-TER-MI-NATE!

Hey sexy mama, want to kill all the humans?

No, Saruman and Sauron want to kill all the humans.

No, they wanted to enslave humans.

I don't need you any more, Tolkien!

crash of thunder, flash of lightning, and Peter Jackson instantly realises the folly he has committed.