Serf's up!

Welcome to Serf City!

[YAWN]

This just in a strange building fell out nowhere, squished the Red Knight, then disappeared. The Red Knight was shaken, but not stirred, although he is ending all of his sentences by saying "Penguin." The healers feel this just a temporary condition and shouldn't affect his search for the Key to the Gods' Storeroom.

Now in sports. David upset Goliath in their match. Goliath's handlers are claiming a foul.

Saturday at 11, Temptation Island! Nine people of various races are placed on a volcanic island, each with a Ring which will enable its wearer to become invisible or rule the entire world. Who will give in to the temptation of the ring and who will hurl it into the volcano? Find out on Temptation Island!

All right. All right. I should get hold of myself. I mean I've only been trapped in this dimension for a few days.

.

It only seems like almost a year has passed.

Forsooth,

Why dost this board get so many less posts than other boards?

Sir Reginald Dragonslayer (ret.)

Sir Reginald:

This board gets fewer posts because it be thy Middle Ages and Internet messages must be sent by horseback hither an' yon, over hill and dale, and sometimes by ship over water.
This plus attacks by monsters, thieves, and armies which can cause Internal Server Errors preventing thy message from reaching it's intended destination.

Just remember "It beith not thy quantity of messages that bringeth value. It beith thy quality."

Sincerely,
Stan Mead of Guggenheim

Leave us not forget to mention that our internet messages do be carried as well by carrier pigeon!

Forsooth,

In the name of the Lord do I object to thy lack of messages on Thine Mightye Boarde. The mightye boardes of other distant lands runneth over with the bread and wine of inane haveringes, yet do I not see such things in this, thy very castle!

Yours et cetera,


The Count de Tablets of Diazepam (Princess)

Forsooth,

I do object, with everie fiber of mine beinge, to this Scroll-Writinges trend of yore. Verilie this is an obvious Ploye as it parodieth thine Other Boardes of Ill Humore in order to receiveth hither more Laughtere and Popularitie. More Originalitie of Thought shall I demandeth be brought forth here for the sake of Thy Kingdom for ever and ever!

Yours et cetera,


Baron Wasteland of Doom (Queen)

I bringeth a message from a good knight from Lands Afar offering his support for this board, in a scroll addressed to one Sir KAM Scision. To whit:

"My Lord,

I present to you a Most Excellent Offer to help in this noblest of Adventure Boardes with mine most Brilliant of New Inventiones which I call Double Glazinge! For a mighty castle as your own citadel, which stands colder than the Arctic winds of Sibaeria is no home for a King, especially near Solstice! I'faith, my new Creation will help keep the Frost Daemons at bay as the Feast of Saturnalia approacheth, right up until the First Day of Spring!

Verily, my Lord, 'tis an offer Your Worship cannot refuse!

Yours et cetera,


The Count de Tablets of Valium
High Commander of the The Ninth Legion
Castle Göraneriksson

P.S. Please also accept my beloved wife, the Princess Diazepam, as a token of my generosity.

P.P.S. No, please, take her."

Were we not told that Sir KAM wast ill? I did hear tell that a virus did fell him!

At the nice, warm and double-glazed Castle Göraneriksson, in the shadow of Mount Valium at the heart of Scandiskland, the Count sat at his table

The Count: Well, I hope my message got there safely. Ah, here come my trusty messengers, Broadband and Phatpipe. What news, my fine companions?

Broadband: My Liege, we had travelled far to bring thee thy message to Guggenheim Castle, but the inhabitants didst pretend to be not at home!

The Count: Ah. 'Tis a great shame indeed, for the Great Winter of Sibaeria is now upon us. Never mind. Princess Diazepam, please take a letter. "To my idiot cousin, the Count de Tablets of Paris Eater-Mall, Second Royal Torture Chamber, Castle Zantac...."

Phatpipe: What? Sir, hear ye not what your trusty servant Phatpipe has to say?

The Count: Another time, perhaps. Anyway, where was I? Ah yes. "Dear Prisoner..."

Diazepam: [YAWWWWWWWNN]

Deep in the evil Forest of Zantac lies Castle Zantac, now permanent home to the Count de Tablets of Paris Eater-Mall, world-famous dragon-tamer and waiter, and now prisoner to King Fizzdog the Unready.

Paris: Heh heh, so then the midwife slapped his mother!

Hirschsprung: HO HO HO, zhat is zhe funniest ting I'vfe heardt in a longk time!

Paris: Yes, my ever-so clever cousin, the Count de Tablets of Cyanide once told me that one.

Hirschsprung: He shouldt kome ovfer here andt tell us szome more ofv hiis chjokes! [timer rings] OK zhen, time for your ssekondt ssession on ze Rack!

Paris: OK then, but not too tight this time. Ooh, that hurts a bit...

Hirschsprung: OK zhen, HEEERE VE GOOO!!!

Right. Everybody got that? Broadband, go hither to Oxetine Castle and inform the King and Queen that the Ninth Legion shalt be preparing for an almighty battle of Biblical proportions after Saturnalia, and therefore request a leave of absence from keeping watch of the north face of Mount Valium. Phatpipe, you have my permission to go with Broadband, find that cretinous stepbrother of mine, Prince Valium, and slap his face about a bit. Just for fun.

Dost thou wish to increase thy performance with thy lady?

Perchance thou wishest to MAKETH MONEY HASTILY!

Wouldst thou like a degree from Ye Old Unaccredited Universitie?

Dost thou oweth too much upon thy hovel? We can giveth thee a new mortgage!

We've brought 10 princesses from over the land to meet a new prince, but actually he's a serf pretending to be a prince. When the truth is revealed will true love win out over monetary gain and political alliances, or will the princesses father's declare war. Find out as the Fox Bardcasting Network brings you Joe Prince.

I'faith! Phatpipe, get ye hence to mine Olde Idiote Boxe and verilye change thine Channele! For sooth, I fear "Scandiskland's Most Funnie Accidents of Horse-Ridinge" be playing now!

I cannoth underthand ththis neweth 'Realitie Tvie'.

Yo! From now on dese boards will be called Dungeon, Dragon, Demon, Damsel & Soprano.

When yas post heyuh you're Family. Capice?

Youse mess with ME, youse mess with my whole FAMILY of greybeards!

Youse only exist out here 'cause of ME!

Almighty Zarquon! I'm still on the wrong board!

Zo, Gollum. You like to take zis ring and put in on and take it off your finger and you call it your precious? I assume you are a virgin, ya?

Eh, Siggy! Youse can take that ******' cigar o' yours an' shove it up ya hobbit-hole!

Gollum belongs to ME! He's MY biyatch! Youse godda problem wi' that?

....

Ah, fuggeddabouddit!

I've got a brand new midnight train to some place called Georgia...

Zut alors! Zhese boarrds are MINE for ze takingg!

Ha! I mock your superflous and uninspiring accent! Know, thou stranger cacaphonous and froglike, that these boards are defended by me, the Cloudy Knight, and I shall fight you for the honor of my lady faire!

Hear ye! Hear ye! Comingeth this Saturday is the Lady Faire!

Female Bards frometh around the land will be performing songs of love and feelings and other things the menfolk won't want to listen to!

Acth will include Knight Junkies, Sheryl Raven, and the Dixie Chicketh.

Buy thy tickets today, beforeth they be all gone.

Announcer: Previously on Dungeon, Dragon, Demon, Damsel & Smith: Psyche & The Red Knight had started on a quest to recover The Key To The Gods' Storeroom from the dragon Smog, being pursued by The Black Knight and his henchmen, Guffaw, Chortle & Chortle, upon reaching the town of Deadman's Point, Psyche & The Red Knight split up to confuse The Black Knight and later meet up at Smog's lair. Meanwhile, Peri Hotter, a magician from another dimension got trapped here, and was offered a chance to become a Sexy Mage of Gryphonmerv if she would help keep anyone from finding The Key To The Gods' Storeroom she refused and is now trapped in this dimension, coincidentally enough, in the town of Deadman's Point.

We now rejoin our story already in progress.

Peri Hotter: You know hearing it like that the fishier the whole Sexy Mages of Gryphonmerv story becomes.

The Red Knight: I'm sorry, were you talking to me?

Peri: Huh? Oh, no, just commenting on the Previously on bit.

Red: (glances self-consciously towards the camera) You mean a voice in your head?

Peri: Uh... (glances from the camera to the knight) Yeah, yeah, that's it. A voice in my head.

Red: Oh, yes, I get those occasionally after being blasted. What did your voice talk about.

Peri: Something about The Key To The Gods' Storeroom...

Red: Why, I'm on a quest for that!

Peri: What a coincidence! And it also talked about a possible involvement by the Sexy Mages of Gryphonmerv. They claimed to be behind it, but if they were behind it why tell me about it?

Red: Perhaps they're not too bright?

Peri: Or maybe they were trying to trick me onto this quest as well?

Red: Perhaps. Are they working for Thekpa or against him? We... well, my former companion & I, were being tracked by The Black Knight who also may want the Key, for what reason we do not know. If you wish you could accompany me.

Peri: Geeeeeeee... risk my life for some stup¡d key or try to find a way back to my home dimension. Mmmmmmm... tough call, but I think I'll try to find my way home first.

Red: Very well, but if you change your mind I'll be buying supplies for the journey before I leave.

Peri: Okay, if I change my mind I'll find you. (to herself) In a pig's eye. (walks down the street) Why look at this, Sirius Morpheus, Oracle & Gatekeeper, that sounds like a good place to start. (she enters and finds a goth looking man wearing a dark visor, smoking a hookah pipe.)

Sirius Morpheus: U R the one?

Peri: The one what?

Sirius: The one who can bring unity, reveal the truth and put a stopper in death.

Peri: No, no, just looking for a dimensional portal, magic door, or an XDCA transporter.

Sirius: (holds up a blue mushroom) One side will make you bigger, the other side will make you small.

Peri: Gee, thanks, but I think I'll stay at my present height. I just want...

Sirius: You take the blue pill and it's over. You take the red pill and you'll take a little trip to discover the secret of life, the universe and... the Faytrix.

Peri: ...uh, thanks, but I think you've been popping enough of those red pills for the both of us.

Sirius: (brings out a mirror with rows of magic powders) The truth is covered with many veils. (begins snorting the rows) As you pierce the veils you uncover more truth, but risk madness at learning what is behind it all.

(he finishes snorting the powders and shows the mirror to reveal a person in a gorilla costume who removes the mask to reveal Peri)

Peri: Where are the SANE people in this dimension?

Sirius: (in a puff of hookah smoke Sirius transforms into a tiny, butterfly-winged creature) Ride, Peri, ride if you seek the Faytrix. (the butterfly creature disappears in another puff of smoke)

Peri: Will this Faytrix help me get out of here?

(a small, leather-clad fairy flies up behind her)

Trinity Belle: Silly mortal, the Faytrix is for... Aaaaaaaaa... (a crossbow bolt pins Trinity Belle against the wall splattering fairy blood everywhere, and a grim-looking man in a three-piece chainmail suit & a dark visor enters, holding a crossbow)

Agent Myth: Greetings, citizen. Is everything all right. (Peri stares wide-eyed and slack-jawed at what just happened) Don't worry. The crossbow was set on... stun. (he pulls the bolt and fairy out of the wall) She'll be fine once it wears off. (he stuffs the fairy into a pouch accompanied by the sounds of breaking bones) Now what business do you have here?

Peri: ...uhhhhhh... Just passing through. I'm... uh... on a quest for... uh... The Key To The Gods' Storeroom!

Agent Myth: Good, good. It's a good thing to keep the gods happy. Good journey.

Peri: Yes, yes! Must go! Hope to see... Hello, I must be going! (she left the shop and ran off looking for The Red Knight.)

Methinks thou hast come dangerously close to violating thee "No more than 47 references per post" rule.

You can 'ave ze fair mademoiselle. She's.... 'ow you English zay... a "dog."

Woof! Woof! Arf!

It bringeth new meaning to thy phrase, "Mad dogs & Englishmen".

Better a dog with her tongue than a Frog with yours!

Thinks to self... "That didn't come out at all like I intended... Oh well. Too late now!"

Two godesses are arguing in a forest. As Psyche apprsoches she tells from their clothing and mannerisims that they must be the godesses of reason and un-reason

Reason: If Dad gets the key into his store room then he will be happy and that means no more thunderstorm-tantrums, on the other hand he shall have access to his homebrew and shall very likly get all the gods drunk.

Un-Reason: But the lightning is so, like, pretty, but the god of sense is so, like, funny when he's drunk! giggle

Reason: That's the god of nonsense. Noticing Psyche Am I correct in assuming that you are the young maiden on the quest to find my 'honarable' father's key?

Un-Reason: u'r dress is, like, soooooo last millenium, up in the KINGDOM OF THE GODS!

Psyche: I am, and no doubt the tastes of the gods vastly out stretch the tates, or even imagination of us lowly mortals.

Un-Reason: giggle thanx!

Reason: Well spoken. But me and my good half-sister and I are in somewhat of a dilema: if our father's storeroom should remain locked, then we shall be in the habit of sending thunderstorms onto this world, but if it should be un-locked, then we are to be in the habit of sending druken gods down to this world, to wake up three weeks later. You see our problem?

Psyche: Yes, but there is a solution. If I were to find the key, I could give it to you. Then you could rent it out at intervals of any amount of time you see fit.

Un-Reason: Don't c why.

Reason: You have sense, as well as courage. I shall award you three gifts. One, you can have now, one after you've recovered the key, and the final when you shall have been two days on your next quest. The first is this small box. It is not to be opened unless the direst need is upon you. Go with my good will. she disappears in a puff of smoke

Un-Reason: I'll give u 3, too! This necklace, this dress and this mirror. Bye! she disappears into a glittery bubble, which pops in a burst of pink stars.


Psyche packs up her gifts and goes on her way.

Hey, boss, according to the peasants we tort... er, talked to, the Red Knight and the girl left Deadman's Point for the Vale of Wolves.

Now what?

to Thy Reference Police Where dost thou gettest 47 references? I can only see 16.

Doeth the Goddess of Un-Reason speaketh through her oracle, Mark Morgan? For he calleth his site, Voices Of UnReason.

(to Nitpicking Serf) Looketh like we're going to have to gettist present-day on thine ass.

(Thy Reference Police then proceed to beat up the Nitpicking Surf's donkey until he admits he miscounted)

Verily I am thine local neighborhood plumber, here to adjust thine water-works, m'Lady. I also provide thy most holy of golden showers with mine most impressive monkey-wrench. Wouldst thou be interested in a pearl necklace, fair wench?

(Stopping to eat at a roadside KFP)

One order of Phoenix, please.

My apologies, fair maiden - this be Kentish Fried Pheasant ye be ordering from. Thou mayest be confused with thy unholy multinational congolmerate from two score and seven kingdoms away. Havest thou a nice day!

Stop! Stop! You're right I miscounted! Thy Reference Police stop beating his donkey It was only 15 references.

Oh, my poor ass, it's all black & blue and I may never sit on it again. How dare you do this. Why I shall report this reference police abuse to thy Royal Society for the Protection of Animals!

Thy Reference Police then proceed to beat up the serf since there are no laws against that

Oh. Sorry. I thought this was Knightly Fried Phoenix. (Looks at the menu) Then I'll have the Have A Pheasant Day™ combo meal.

Squeeky-Voiced Serf: Do you want flies with that?

No, thanks.

(After getting and paying for the meal)

Why look, a toy surprise! One plastic replica of a stone of a sorceror.

Limit one per customer, contains small parts, unsuitable for mewling puking babies under 36 full moons.

Havest thou the most nicest of days, fair maiden.

Wait a minute...

::Reaches offscreen and produces a red book, which he leafs through until he reaches the right page::

Ah, yes... I'm trying to get the key to the Gods' storeroom so they will favor me over that upstart wench and eventually be permitted to do whatever I want! I'm glad that's settled.

::He puts the book aside::

Vale of Wolves, eh? Then we must put ourselves between the pathetic duo and the aforementioned Vale, so we may head them off! Chortle, hortle, Guffaw! Try to get me in contact with some sort of talking bird or birdlike creature which will be useful for spying duties. Do it now! Um... one of you do it. The other two, follow me! Chortle, Chortle, Guffaw!

::The two Chortles follow the Black Knight, and Guffaw goes off on his search::

No! Wait! One of the Chortles can go, the other Chortle and the Guffaw will follow me. Less confusing that way!

If that's the way you want it boss, but remember, neither of the Chortles can speak.

(The curly-headed Chortle pulls out a horn with a rubber bulb on the end)
Honk, honk!

Do you really think you can do it?

Honk! Honk!

Well, okay the...

(The other Chortle pulled out a whistle with a slide on it)
Doooooooowoop!

Well he's the older Chortle that's why!

Doooowoopwoop!

Well, maybe if you had spoken up first...

DooooooooooooooooWOOOP!

Hey! There's no call for that kind of language! Chortle's going and that's that. Now wish your brother good luck.

Doowoop.

Honk! Honk!

That's better. Okay boss. It's all settled.

Red: Looks more like the stone of a philospher, I think.

Peri: Like it matters.

Red: You didn't get flies with this?

Peri: uhhh, didn't think you wanted any.

Little Kid: Oh wow, that's a pretty stone.

Peri: Would you like it?

Little Kid: Can I?

Peri: Certainly. (Gives the kid the stone) Cute kid.

Little Kid: Muhahahahahahaha! At last I have the stone that will allow me to dominate the world!!! (The 'Little Kid' grows and changes to a fifty-foot tall fiery red demon with many horns and a wicked tail) Tremble at my hooves foolish mortals!!!

Peri: My they certainly grow up fast in this dimension.

Ooooh, thou hast findest on thine Hunt of Bargains thine Stone of the Philosopher as 'tis be known on this fair isle! Couldst thou be a duffer? I'faith, no! 'Tis a Robert Dazzler! And thou mayest find it cheap as chopped earth-apples! Seest Thou at thine Ockshun!

I thought people only turned into other stuff at Circe's Circus.

I mayest find a way to givest thou raiding parties Extra! for thine work. (Terms and conditions applieth.)

An' in utherrrrr news....

"Do ye want Fires wi' that?" - McDonalds branches close in Glencoe following violent military action from Campbell occupying forces against the men and women loyal to the McDonald clan. Operation commander General Campbell X-Ray was quoted to have said: "I could mur'durrrrrr a McDonald's tonight..."

Rebel McDonald loyalists fighting to protect so-called "Drive-Thru" terror training camps have proved a difficult setback for the occupying Campbell forces. One R McDonald said: "We've got the Campbells in the soup now."

President Alistair W Campbell declared that "Today we will continue to prove that the evil McDonalds forces are hiding chemical and biological weapons of mass food poisoning. They may run and hide, but we'll follow the trail of mouse ears and raw sewage that leads us to those folks hiding in their McChicken Sandwiches. An' we will smoke them out of their 'shakes and double fries and an apple pie with that."

President? President!?! There were no presidents in medeval times.

Boy, I retire. Hands the reigns over to JDeus and he lets a president sneak in here.

I must object! Alistair Campbell can be a king, a chief or some other kind of ancient ruler, but not a president!

We have to keep some kind of integrity to the whole Sword & Sorcery theme going on here!

This isn't Phantom Returns where they'll let just any post in.

Hmmph!

Don't you oppress me! We're in an early prototype democracy ruled by the Campbell Republican Party voted in by the people. Not by some undeserving KING wot had some blade lobbed to him by some watery bint!

I thought "President" was his first name - let me first check my records on him for ye.

...
(hum de dum, lemme see, yin, twa, three, fower... ach yes, here we are.)

According to my records, he hails from Loch Looney and back in 1109 had changed his species by deed poll. He was originally a peanut-flavored monkey of the Rhesus species.

A Rhesus species?! Couldst be a Robert Dazzler! Thou shalt findeth me a bargain!

Throws sword at A. Peasant, skewering him.

Methinks the Goderator (retired) is throwing His toys out of His cot again.

suddenly is struck down by a falling Toy

OOh! A Toy as thrown out from thy Heavenly Cradle by O Most Holy Divine One Himself! But lo! 'tis verily roasted just a smidgeon on re-entry to thine Earth. Thou mightst haveth a bit of a duffer.

takes a bite of the phoenix

Pffft! Ugh! I say, Waiter! This phoenix is a little on the dark side! You got any pheasant instead?

The dark side is the correct side!

various peasants, serfs & churls gather around the wounded A. Peasant with the sword in him

It is a sign! The watery bint lobbed a blade at him! He must be a King!

All hail our new King!

Hail! Hail!

Thank you, kind subjects.

And now... let's allget drunk and play ping-pong!

Ah yes, thine Holy Blade from thy Waterye Tart of a Pond! A veritable bargain, perhaps! Let's see how thy Blade does down at Ye Olde Ockshun!

The King is dead. Long live the King.

No thou didnst have to say it.

Besides thouest only sayeth that when one king dies and another taketh over. There hath been no death of an olde king for this new one to taketh over from.

Thou art not allowed to arguew lest thy client payeth!

I wast on a break!

The King is undead! Run for your lives!!!!

Well, if he wants to eat brains then we're safe.

All right then, the king is a horrible undead zombie, so whatever you do, don't mention the brain eating!

I did, but I think I got away with it.

Boooooooooooooooo...

No! I do not have an eating disorder! I normally look like this!

Hello children. I'm a Real Estate agent with Century 12. Can I interest you in this house made of gingerbread & candy?

I had dinner at Lee Ho Fooks!

So then we kill Mr. Gollum, steal 'is treasure and chuck 'is body inta the molten lava.

Tis brilliant, guv'nah. No one will evah suspect.

Sees the fifty-foot tall fiery red demon with many horns and a wicked tail, and runs into a nearby Messenger Booth where he magically changes from being a mild-mannered Bard into a blue-armored defender of truth, justice and the Medieval way!

"Take this demon."

There follows a tremendous battle of magic & might, but finally the magic stone is crushed and the demon is sent flying many miles away where he crushes an evil king.

Having vanquished the dread demon he quickly switches back to his regular identity to sing of the heroic battle.

(Looks at the 'Little kid' who turned into a fifty-foot tall demon)

Peri: Oh, please, it's not like that 'stone' is of any value you know.

Little kid: What?

Peri: It was a prize giveaway in a meal. Why would they give away real magic stones instead of using them themselves.

Little kid: Aw, nuts! (Drops the stone and walks away, dejected)

Peri: Kids. They'll believe anything.

Bwahahahahahahahahahaha! I strike!

Scoops up real magic stone, carries it off.

Yeeha!

So am I dead or what?

Red: Well, we really should be going on this Quest for the Key to the Gods' Storeroom.

(At that moment a fox with a scroll tied to it runs up to a bard post)

Bard: Hear ye! Hear ye! A Fox Bardcasting Exclusive! The Key to the Gods' Storeroom has been found! More news as it comes in!

Red: Oh. Well, good for Psyche!

Peri: Well, now what do we do?

(At that moment another fox with a scroll tied to it runs up to the bard post. The Bard takes the scroll, looks at it and motions to a group of actors who've been waiting and hands them several sheets of parchment.)

Bard: Hear ye! Hear ye! Fox Bardcasting is proud to present a reenactment of the latest happenings of The Sorcerer's Apprentice, which deals with Financial Wizard Trump's attempts to find an apprentice.

(People gather around to watch as the actors get into position)

Peri: Well, this should be interesting. I suppose since this isn't really television they don't have to worry about any Evil Executives. (Pause. Turns to the camera.) Or do they?

(Dramatic music plays)

You're fired!

The unlucky apprentice bursts into flames and runs screaming out of the wizard's chamber for the moat

An it pleaseth thee... Doth that be thy final answer?

Wizard 1: Hey, I learned a great new trick!
Wizard 2: What is it?
Wizard 1: I can turn water into wine!
Wizard 2: Well, let's see.

(So the first wizard did verily proceed to turn the water in the moat into wine... just before the burning apprentice jumped in)

SFX: Whooosh!

(The whole moat goes up in flames)

Wow, for the second time LICC hasn't been on, but the low-rated DDDDS is.

Yep. It's the end of the world as we know it.

Well, I hope they film the end of the world and show it on TV show so I can see it.

Just as long as they don't put it opposite Janet Jackson's Lingerie & Wardrobe Malfunction Special.

The moat is on fire!

Grab the hot dogs and marshmellows!

(A dragon, walking on two legs, stomps into town, breathing fire, smashing buildings, stomping on hovels. Peasants point and scream, with their lips out-of-sync.)
Eeeeek!
It's Dragzilla!
Run away! Run away!
AAAAAAaaaaaa...!

Dragzilla is also wearing a huge purple flowered muu-muu, a wig, and makeup that would put Mimi from the Drew Carey show to shame.

Och, man, I see.

What we need to stop Dragzilla is the 10th SS Panzer Division.

A rough and tough looking barbarian stands in Dragzilla's path and waves his sword defiantly at the giant beast

I, Bambi the Barbarian, will stop this foul crossdressing monster!

Ironically Bambi was crushed by a giant, crossdressing chicken

Oh, no! It's a convention!

Eeeeeeek!

Heeeeeeeeeeeelp!

Mm, more folks to eat.

King Ludvig is old and his ideas are medieval. His ruthlessness is well known and he acheived power in a bloodthirsty coup that slaughtered most of the previous ruling family.

This kingdom needs new ideas, fresh blood, a kind & compassionate ruler who knows what's best for it. As a surviving member of the previous ruling family, I know what is best for this kingdom & it's people.

Also several barons have secretly told me that they would prefer me as ruler to old King Ludvig.

If you agree that the Kingdom needs new leadership make your voices heard in the town square.

I'm Prince Ethelbert and I approved this message.

People have said I'm old & ruthless & my ideas are out of date.

Well, I say... Anyone who supports Prince Ethelbert will be tortured & killed!!!

I'm King Ludvig and I approved this message.

Forsooth and since Peri Hotter & The Red Knight believeth that The Key to the Gods' Storeroom hath been recoveredeth they set off for the land of Emor where it wath rumored that there lived a sorceror who hath journeyed to other planes of existance & might know of a way to sendeth Peri backeth to her home dimension.

And, well, it's not like they hath anything else to do.

Anywayyyyyyyy, as they topped a hill overlooking the valley of Nazkabah they saw...

Bunnies!

Peri: What's wrong with bunnies?

Red: Well, these bunnies are walking on their hind legs, about 5 - 6 feet tall, and carrying weapons.

Peri: Eeeek! It's a Furry convention! Run away! Run Away!

Suddenly Peri & the Red Knight are snapped up in snare net and are dangling from the trees when the wabbit warriors... er, bunny braves surround them.

(Waves her hand like Obi-Wan Kenobi at the giant rabbits)

We are not the giant carrots you are looking for. We are not the giant carrots you are looking for.

Who said we wanted carrots? We're carnivorous rabbits!

Well, then how about some pineapple juice?

(Casts spell to summon the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch)

Oh, and that stupid Jedi Mind trick thing doesn't work on us.

As for the pineapple juice, what part of "carnivorous" are you having a problem understanding?

How would a wabbit warrior from a medieval dimension know what a Jedi was?

That's what I was wondering, oh purple pixie.

(To the wabbit warrior)
This is a very special kind of pineapple.

(She pulls the pin)
1, 2, 5!

(She drops the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch)

(To the viewers)
Don't worry. It's set on stun.

Krakaboooooooooooooom!

Ah, finally got my sword free!

(With a snicker-snack he cuts the netting)

Aaaaaaaaaah!

*THUD!*

(Fortunately Red landed on his head so he will be fine)

Ow!

Good thing we don't have any horses because I won't be able to ride for a while.

(She gets up & rubs her bruised bottom)

What did happen to the horses anyway?

Meanwhile at a distant pawn shop.

Pawnshop owner: Yeah, this is good merchandise. You don't mind being paid in oats?

The horses shake their heads no and split the proceeds of what they earned from stealing The Red Knight & Peri's saddlebags.

Peri: Well, it looks like the grenade knocked this group of rabbits unconscious. Sorry, Bugs. I suppose you could have meant that carniverous comment in a non-threatening manner rather than a 'You're-our-next-meal' manner, but better safe than sorry.

Red: *Gasp*

Peri: What? What do you see?

Red: It's... the next board!

(Dramatic music plays)

Forsooth! An the new board doth be open, yet verily, I can posteth this missive upon this one!

Yes, well, only JDeus can close these boards and I don't think he actually reads them.

Board 1 is also open to posting.