Four eighty-five, sir.

When I was twenty-eight... It was a very good year!

The handsome young man behind the heavy wood desk squints, as bright hot lights surrounding him are switched on.

"We're sorry, Mr. President, but the lights ensure that the camera can see you properly."

The seated man nods, and blinks several times until his eyes become adjusted to the light. He looks to the right, to a seated older man.

"A momentous day, eh Al?"

Allen Cox, White House Chief of Staff, nods.

"The first time a President has been shown on tele-vision. Amazing what technology gives us nowadays."

The President smiles.

"We'll give them a show. You have the finished copy?"

"Oh, yes! Sorry, Mr. President, here they are."

Cox jumps up and takes several sheets of paper from a folder, darting into the bright lights and placing them in front of the President.

"Thanks, Al. All right, are we ready?"

The nervous field producer standing beside the camera shakes his head vigorously.

"N-not yet, Mr. President, the commentator needs to finish the announcement and introduction. About 30 seconds more. Just watch for the red light..."

The President waits patiently. Precisely on cue, the red light turns on, and the nervous man gestures frantically. Stuart clears his throat once, and begins.

"Greetings, my fellow Americans..."

Ee Pleb Neesta!

As Jackson waits for confirmation of his departure, the camera floats lazily along the cruiser. On several places, the ship's name Lucy In the Sky can be seen. As said before, the ship is somewhat beetle shaped, but sleeker. Suddenly, it hums to life.
Jackson: All systems...active...

Sorry that we can give you no fireworks as a salute right now. Have a nice time and don't pay attention to the cloaked Furby vessels following you! Hehehehehe...

Bright blue light shines periodically through the partially closed hatch leading from Main Engineering to the disused equipement bay. Inside, the female lieutenant is ion-welding modules into the incomplete left arm of her robotic construct. The torso and right arm are completed, and the parts for the legs sit off to one side. The box still sits on the worktable, occasionally beeping and humming. One sequence of three shrill beeps causes the lieutenant to stop welding and look over.

"What's going on?"

The box hesitates a minute before answering.

"Incoming transmissions have just been flagged high priority and sent to the bridge."

"Really?" the lieutenant's interest is piqued "Let's see it."

A glass bulb otop the box glows, projecting a virtual holographic 'screen' into the air above. A handsome young man appears on the screen, looking gravely toward the viewer.

"...have already recieved support from Congress toward this monumental undertaking. And so, it is with great enthusiasm and excitement that I declare to the American people, that before this nation celebrates its Centennial of Reunification, we shall put a man on each of our two moons. Recent achievements by the Empire of Germany have convinced this administration that America should claim its rightful standing as above all other nations in terms of technology and scientific achievement. I have been informed that the first manned space mission will proceed within the next--"

The lieutenant watches with unvarnished curiosity

"Oh...WOW. Proto, where is this signal coming from?"

"The planet we are currently orbiting. Any further information is classified."

The lieutenant scowls, stalks over to the box and flips a switch on it. It squeaks, and says

"Full data access enabled."

"That's good. What's so special about this planet under us?"

"It is nearly an exact duplicate of Terra in an earlier stage of history..."

Far be it from me to question the brass, but what is it about this planet that requires a team of superheroes standing by?

Sure it's interesting to see an alternate Earth approximately 1000 years behind us, but why does the brass think that only superheroes can provide a defense from a bunch of technologically primitive humans?

Okay, there was that group that appeared here when everyone else disappeared, but GROSS is highly incompetant.

Why not just call in a close military vessel & let LICC deal with super-powered threats & menaces?

Hmm, apparently because since this is an alternate Earth from our dimension, super-powered humans are beginning to appear among the populace.

flipping pages

Ooh! Look at that! Hmm...

Cdr, I have been monitering some of the tv shows that this planet has and they have shows like: "MY Mother, The Teenage Witch." and "Mr Roger's Wonder Years."

Ugh. I don't think we'll have to rely much on those for historical data. Hold on, put that presidential address up on the main screen.

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington DC
20500-0004

Having given the signal to leave from those in shuttlebay control, Jackson deftly pilots his ship out of the bay and lingers besides the Spidership for a few moments.
Jackson Dupree to Commander Milkshake, we're about to leave. It's been a heck of a trip and a fun ride. If you need us, you have our number, so to speak.
With that, the Lucy in the Sky moves away from the Spidership and warps into the distance.
Alex: Well Commander, they're gone.
Also.. sensor scans of the planet show weapons systems much like those on the original Earth... Hmm.. I'm also seeing some sort of monster attack their version of Japan... should I put it on the screen?

Sure, but use the picture-in-picture feature, I don't want to miss any of this speech.

A big blue turtle appears in a box on the corner of the viewscreen.

Oh, it's alright, that's Gamera! He's a friend to children.

"...firm basis for the exploration of our solar system, and even perhaps an explanation of the great Event that has puzzled us for so many years. May Providence bless our effort to take the first step into a larger, greater universe."

Stuart shuffles the speechpapers in front of him, then looks grimly into the camera.

"My fellow Americans, the recent matters of national security have also been brought to our attention. Rest assured, we will have this situation firm in hand very soon. None of us will have to live in fear from the menace within our very borders, masquerading as familiar faces. Keep on the look-out, for relief will come soon. Goodnight."

The lights shut off, and the field producer sighs in heavy relief. Stuart looks toward Cox.

"We've just started on a rocky road, Al."

Cox waves his hand dismissively

"Don't worry, Mr. President. Remember, this is the issue that got you elected, and it will get you RE-elected, mark my words. We may not have to go too far. Just the committee and a few arrests may put an end to it."

Stuart wipes his sweating brow with a handkerchief, folds the cloth, and pensively stares at it.

"I hope so, Al."

I wonder what the Event he mentioned is...

I wonder what the national security problems he mentioned are. I don't like the sound of that. We should probably get Observer up here to take a look. If anyone's an expert on history, he is.

Well, if it's anything like the Earth of many dimensions, America was in conflict with the then Soviet Union. In fact, on the Earth where I came from, that was the case. It could be that on this Earth, they have a Soviet pest problem...
Or... maybe we aren't the first to visit this planet, and the previous visitors didn't have a "hands off" policy like we do...

Commander Milkshake's commbadge beeped.

Adon to Bridge.
I have been watching the broadcast from my post down here. My guess would be that the Great Event was the crash of an alien spacecraft, or something similar. He immediately mentioned exploring the universe to find answeres.

As for the other threat, It could be anything. The history of your america had an era known as McCarthyism, where paranoia ran rampent. It could be the same thing here.

If we were to send a team down, The Observer and myself would be the best choices. Not only do we stand the best chance of blending in wiht the natives, they couldn't hold us down there unless we wished them to. I can leave a team of our best security officers to guard our guest in the meantime.

You could be right, Adon, but there could be something we haven't considered. The Event could be whatever duplicated this Earth and moved it halfway across the quadrant. I don't know if this Earth could have independently come about with so many similarities.

It could be McCarthyism, we'll continue to monitor and see.

And I think it's best to hold off on a team right now. We do have a few good candidates for an away mission, but any willful tampering with this planet would be treading on the border of a Prime Directive issue. An away mission isn't completely ruled out, but right now we'll just watch from orbit.

Commander, as long as they don't have Plotonium or quantum inhibitors, there's no 20th Century technology jail cell that could hold me.

However, given that I'm from Terra-prime's 20th Century, I'd probably blow it on Alt-Terra, as my reactions and such would give me away as a non-native. However, I still volunteer if needed.

I know that, Quantum, but there's still the risk of our revealing our own presence, which is what I'm concerned about.

Before we send anyone down, we'll make sure to study local customs from sensor data and broadcasts, which should minimize the risk of discovery.

Hold on... this is Earth as it was in the 1950s, right? Did the original Earth of this dimension have an alledged spaceship crash at Roswell, New Mexico? Maybe on this Alt-Earth, it happened, and they decided not to deny it...
That might cause them to want to explore the rest of the galaxy...

Well, that would mean that the duplication would have to have occurred after 1947. Remember, this Earth is in a completely different star system, in a completely different part of the galaxy. There are no intelligent, spacefaring races near here. Whereas on the original Earth, any of a number of species could have been the ones to crash in 1947. Nobody's admitted it, yet.

Maybe we should beam up a few of their history books to see where and when the duplication occured.

=/\=
There was no spacecraft crash at our Roswell. Trust me, at this time I had already borrowed the only spaceship in the entire sector and ... some other things.

And more importantly, the US here seems to have a problem with Se Reich rather than with the Russians. Btw, what does the Prez mean with "Centennial of Reunification"? More than a little, bloody, uncivilized war a century ago?
=/\=

Gene touched his earring.

Arthor, what information can you give me on Commander Adon?

Arthor gave Gene all of the public information on Adon.

Any bounties?

Arthor: "There a number of bounties on the crew as a whole, and on each individual member. However, none are legit."

Hmm... Can you open a channel to him? They have cut all normal communications from this room.

Arthor: "Negative. I am unable to access their internal comm systems."

Gene looked at his left hand and flexed it a few times. The leather wrappings of that arm extended all the way up to his shoulder, where it met the coat.

There's definatly something about him. I wish I could put my finger on it.

And there's definitely something about Windward.

We'll have to see, I guess. I'll contact the Collins and see what they've found out. Perhaps we could liberate a few history books, but it would have to be a covert away mission. I don't think our sensors are good enough to pick out what's in a book from high orbit.

Hmmm, I thought the Furbies had sensors that good? Oh, that's right, it only works on books with pictures of nude women in them.

So, will it be somekinda 'aliens have landed' thing or a 'predujice against superpowered people' thing, ala X-Men?

Or could it be a mix of the two?

Waitasecond, do they have something like the Playboy down there? In my old universe it was a respected political publication but here it looked definitely better.

Sir, I'm reading a launch from what we would know as Puerto Rico... It seems that the Americans of this world call it Space Island, and use it as their primary launch site...
Should I put the launch on the viewscreen?

My god. It's full of Tacos.

Oh, wait. You said launch, not lunch.

Attention Spidership! This is General Martok, commanding the Klingon Vessel P'Tagh!

I understand you have my taco recipes! I want them back!

No, they are mine! Ensign Godzilla, open fire!

Ensign Nisgen: "Captain, I'm getting an open service hatch warning in Shuttlebay 3. I'll--hold on, it's off now."

Have Maitenance check it out.

"Aye, sir."

Grant Lopez fiddles about with a device Kiehart gave him. It was a stealth sheild for the Banshee. Unfortunately, the Banshee's unique shape made a practical cloak next to impossible, but Lopez had worked something out. Or at least he'd hoiped he had. He was now near the front of the ship, in the tropedo bay, trying to get the machine attached to an advanced probe that record any and every TV and radio signal the planet generated, as well as taking detailed up close of key sites, all the while not being seen or detected by anything or anybody. He hailed Milkshake. "Captain, this is Lopez, I think I've got a way we can learn more about the planet."

Several minutes later, Lopez finishes his description.

Sounds excellent, Grant. Before we implement it, however, it should really have a self-destruct on it, and one that won't blow the general vincinity of the blast to shreds. See if you can get some nano-paste from Engineering, and rig it to dissolve the probe if it's captured or opened.

"Okay, scootch your head down, there, you're all in."

"Why are we leaving?"

"Now now, don't worry about it, just do what I tell you to do and we'll all be happy."

"Affirmative."

"Did we forget anything?"

"You have forgotten to engage the cloak."

"Oh, right! This'd never work without you cutie, Proto. Have you severed the link to your papa?"

"Affirmative. I have also rearranged appropriate duty rosters and maitenance calls. The disappearance will not be discovered for approximately 18 hours".

"More than enough. Okay Proto, here we go!"

Cdr, In the event of an away mission, permission to be a part of the away team?

I should like to join it too.

Alright, alright.

hits the intercom

Observer, come up to the bridge. You're missing all the good stuff.

I think the Away Team will be you two and Observer. Procure some appropriate clothes and whatever you do, don't take any technology bigger than a microcomm. This will be a quick beam-and-grab. Find a public library, preferably one at night, get in, get a selection of history books and encyclopedias, and call for a beam-out. Be sure to leave some currency, too. Observer probably knows how to blend in in this pseudo-past, follow his lead.

Commander, may I recommend that the Holodoc implant homing beacons in the away team?

I sense a disturbance in the force. As if a writer decided to be wacky instead of serious.

(on Alt-Earth in the town of Port Joel, six teenagers were summoned to Taco headquarters)

Zatardon: Rangers, someone has stolen the taco recipes and they're on a ship in orbit. You must stop them.

Taco Green Pepper Ranger... Warmie!
Taco Red Pepper Ranger... Aye-Yi-Yi!
Taco Brown Bean Ranger... Burp!
Taco Orange Cheese Ranger... Melt!
Taco Tan Shell Ranger... Crunch!
Taco Spicy Meat Ranger... Sizzle!
(costumes appear on the teenagers)

All: Form Salsa Zord!
(a giant, mechanical, two-legged Chihuahua forms. The Taco Rangers leap into the air and are suddenly inside)

Green: Prepare for launch.
Red: I'll have Tacos.
Brown: Hahahaha. I love that joke.
Orange: Priming bean injectors.
(over the launch area two disguised doors open upward, knocking over the office buildings that had been built over them. Fortunately the buildings' falls were cushioned by hospitals and orphanages.)
Tan: Pressure building.
Spicy: We have ignition.
(a blue flame shoots out of the posterior of the Salsa Zord as it lifts off into the air, leaving the citizens of Port Joel hacking and coughing from the Zord's noxious gas.)

(Once in orbit they see four ships, the Spidermobile, the Collins, the Montezuma's Revenge and the P'Tagh)
Spicy: Oh, great.
Tan: So which one is the thief?
Orange: Why don't we just blow them all out of the sky to be safe?
Brown: What do we do?
Red: We must trust in the Taco. It will lead the missiles to the right ship.
Green: Fire!

(a cluster of spicy bean missiles is launched at the four ships)

Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!

Commander, we're under attack from a large mechanical Chihuahua!
Sir, it's hailing us! Should I put it on screen?

Drop the Chalupa!

I'll fight you for it! It might even stop my...
HIC!

Lopez finished applying the nano-paste, and wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Whew, ok, done. Lopez to Milkshake, it's all set."

Whatever happened to Lt. Liza?

Good.

How can we be under attack? We're cloaked. Put it on-screen anyway, Alex.

as the screen comes on

What are the Taco Rangers doing here?

To answer the first question, they appearently fired their weapons at all the ships that are out here.
To answer your second question, probably dimensional equivalents or something.
On screen, Commander.
On the viewscreen is the image of a group of helmet clad teenagers. They begin to speak...

"Hey, does the "Fire At Everyone" macro work on cloaked ships?"

"Guess it does."

"You guys are such geeks."

Nit! Commander Milkshake NEVER MET the Taco Rangers! He met the SUPER Taco Rangers!

Dude, it was the same group with a more powerful Zord.

The costumes were different. I remember they had extra piping and some sparkles...

(the friend hits the nitpicky viewer with a couch cushion)

(surprisingly the spicy bean missiles missed all the ships except for the Montezuma's Revenge)

Commander Tacomonkey: Sir! Shields are down 22%!

Grrrr! Return fire!

Open hailing frequencies!

You may think you have me outnumbered, but I have allies too. Colonel Sanders! Pizza Hut Delivery Girl! Attack!

(at that moment, two more ships decloak. One resembling a giant chicken and the other looking like a cross between a delivery van and an X-Wing. Both ships begin firing and the Spidermobile and the Collins are in the middle.)

(meanwhile at Four Flushers Plaza in Old York City)

Nowhere Girl: Oh, No! One of your monitors just came on and is flashing somekinda information!

Mr. Stretch: You're right! It seems several ships have appeared in space and are having somekinda space battle! We must get to the Franticship and find out what's going on.

Craga Lee: Well, as my sweet aunt Petootie says, "It's cl... cl... cl... POUNDING TIME!

Hothead: I'll warm up the ship. Fire Up! (bursts into flames and flies to the ship.)

Captain, according to the computers the cloaks for our ship and the Collins were shut off several minutes ago!

(Meanwhile on one of Alt-Earth's two moons a solitary figure on a couch, shielded from ordinary scanners, is watching the battle.)

Music: Duh duh DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!

Whatever happened to Lt. Liza?

Didn't she elope with SuperBob?

Milkshake groans

Restore the cloaks. If you can't, then get our shields up, and use the tractor to push those two bonehead ships away from here. If that doesn't work, feel free to fire Polymorph Rifle at them. We've got to contain this before anyone turns a telescope our way.

(Observer finally comes up to the bridge, if anything looking perhaps a little bit happier and a little bit less grave.)

Here, Captain.

Rikard stands in a dark alley. It only takes him a few seconds to realize that it is in Club Ted before the resort city was destroyed. This confuses him for a second before he hears a familiar voice...
Mr. Rikard.
He turns to see the man he met in the alley, who had given him his lightsaber and sent him on his training to be a...
Rikard: Not again. What revelation are you going to tell me now? What's so important that you can't meet me face to face? Why is it that whenever you feel the need to tell me something, you always invade my dreams?
The man begins to reply, but before he can the whole world around them shakes, as if something had impacted with the ground. Rikard opens his eyes to find himself in his quarters lying on his couch and the end of Titanic 2 on his vidscreen. He feels the ship shake and falls from the couch.
Oh great, another battle? If we can't find them, they always find us.
He quickly puts his uniform on and heads for the bridge, arriving seconds later and almost running into The Observer.
What's that? Are we fighting a Dogship?

"Okay, Proto, we're set. You have control?"

"Affirmative. 10,000 feet exactly. Cloak operational."

laugh "We're like a hole in the water. All right, here I go. Keep monitoring."

Affirmative. Reading coordinates now. Energizing...

sound of transporter effect

"Hmm, I see why they call it the White House. The decor needs work."

COmmander, sensors have registered an unauthorized transport to the surface! I'm not sure where it started from or who was involved, though...

Computer, account for all personnel on board!

Lieutenant [garbled] has left the ship.

Author's note: It's not my place to name the lady working on "Proto", hence the garbling of her name.

quickly pulls up the information on his holoscreen

It is a transporter signal...but not from us. Looks like a site-to-site on the surface! Somewhere in the Atlantic to somewhere on the east coast of North America, the signal's getting fuzzy. Still doesn't explain why we're missing one officer. Observer, Quantum, Mystery, go get set for your Away Mission anyway, while we try to sort this out.

Teacher, I sense a great disturbance in the force. We must be carefulwhile we are down there.

Sir, we've still got that dog-shaped ship out there, but it looks like they've stopped firing on every ship up here. Should I send greetings?
Also, that launch I mentioned earlier? Sensors show that the rocket that was part of that launch is in Alt-Earth orbit...

Well, let's hope it's not...

examines the sensor readings of the rocket

...No, looks like it's primitive technology, all right. Milkshake to Lopez, are we ready to launch the probe? We need to trace that transporter beam, and fast.

Adon was listening to the internal communications, and when he heard the order to assemble an away team, he pointed to his five best security officers.

I want you to remain here and guard the door. Don't let anything enter or leave those quarters.

Adon turned and started off towards the nearest turbolift. He entered the lift, and it started towards the transporter room.

There's something funny about Mr Windward. There's something off about him almost as if.... nah, it couldn't be.

(Observer gets the mission parameters, and turns to his teammates.)

All right then, let's go. Now the first thing to remember on a mission like this, stay quiet. That's the second rule, too. Stay quiet. The third rule is don't look around, don't gawk, at all.

(The trio enters the turbolift.)

Deck 5.

(Observer turns back to Mystery and Quantum.)

We'll need some of my equipment, and we'll definitely have to replicate the right clothes. The fourth rule is...

(The turbolift doors close)

There is NOOOOO Rule 6!

From the blue area of Alt-Earth's second moon, Tik, as opposed to it's first moon, Luna, the ancient entity known as The Voyeur watches the proceedings.

The Spidermobile & the Collins flanked by the dogstar ship, Montezuma's Revenge, containing those who had stolen Tacoman's sacred taco recipes*, the Klingon ship P'Tagh which is after stolen Klingon Taco recipes, the chihuahua-shaped Salsa Zord, which was sent to punish taco thieves, and the chicken ship, Colonel Sanders, & an unnamed X-Wing Delivery Van which are in cahoots with the Montezuma's Revenge.

The fighting so far has been between the Zord, the Montezuma's Revenge, the Sanders & the X-Van, and the P'Tagh has put its weapons on line. Surprizingly the Spidermobile and the Collins, despite being in the middle of the fight have not yet suffered any direct hits.

On Earth the Franticship launched from the Mando building in Old York City to see what has been going on. While in orbit, approaching the battle, is a primitive technology craft proudly built by ordinary humans to prove that they didn't need super-human help to do it.

While in the White House, the president has angrily contacted the Franticship to find out why Mr. Stretch has broken his promise to not overshadow the launch of the ordinary human acheivement by using super-human technology, not realizing that a young woman & Proto have beamed into another area of the White House.

The Voyeur smiled at all these converging plots and happily muched away on some snacks. "Finally something good to watch for a change."

* LICC3 XI

Of course, "muching away" is the same as 'munching away', but with much bigger handfuls.

Wait for me!

The turbolift doors opened again, seconds after they had closed. The Masked Enigma stepped in, dressed in a black and gray vertically striped suit.

I'm ready to come as well. His accent sounded far less pronounced and conspicuous, but it was the same accent.

Houston, EOV-1. Now approaching orbit perigee.

"EOV-1, Houston. We copy. Advise switching TTK to 101.2, and checking fuel status."

Roger that, Houston....uh, Houston...there is something in near orbit here...some kind of anomaly.

"Report on anomaly, EOV-1."

I see...flashes of light, various colors. Some almost look like reflections from the sun, metallic. Others...almost like explosions, very very far away. You fellas need to take a look at this.

"We copy, EOV, and will investigate."

Commander, if we don't end this soon that Earth is going to see us. We've got to stop this now. We wouldn't want to interfere with the development of this planet.

Commander, we could go to the other side of the planet or hide behind one of their moons...
We don't have external MIB issue neuralizers, do we?

Those were outlawed a few years ago, they can cause minor brain damage in certain people.

But we do need to stop this. Broadcast to all ships in the vicinity, subspace radio, I don't want the capsule to hear.

This is U.S.S. Spidermobile, stand down immediately, disperse or prepare to suffer the consequences. This is a protected pre-warp planet under Section 90210 of the Terran Space Accords, we will not allow corruption of it. You have 5 minutes.

(On screen came the image of Mr. Stretch as the Franticship passed the other Alt-Earth vessel and approached the ships)

What Terran Space Accords? According to my sensors your ship is not made from material found on Earth. Only the Taco Rangers' Zord is from Earth.

(From Mr. Stretch's point of view Alt-Earth is Earth aka Terra.)

Then the unthinkable happened! Someone actually made a post that went along with KAM's plot instead of trying to shove it out of the way.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Just kidding! No one would ever do that in a billion years! Oh, I crack myself up. Just keep ignoring his train wreck of a plot, same as usual.

hee hee hee. Adding to KAM's plot, as if. hee hee hee...

Terran Space Accords? Bah! We don' need no steenkin' Terran Space Accords! I'm from Canis Major and I'm Sirius!

Open fire!

(The Montezuma's Revenge, the Colonel Sanders and the X-Van all fire on the Spidermobile.)

Shields up, Commander, but I don't know how long they'll hold!

Maybe we should throw up Yarnell as well?

Yeah, give them all we've got! We've got three ships firing at us!

Like I said earlier, maybe we should hide behind one of their moons...or maybe even land on one.
Or, maybe we should just get away from here for the time being and have the away team take a shuttle down there...

Evasive manuevers, swing us near that smaller moon. Tactical, fire the Polymorph Rifle at Montezuma's Revenge! If any of the ships shoot at Collins, launch fighters.

"Go sqauds, go! Get out there fast. Hornets, shoot down any missile or relatively slow moivng torps before they can hit the Spidership." The ship shudders slightly while Lopez isues his orders while climbing into his Banshee fighter. "Banshee's we're two short right now with the Boss out with Ranger and Alex up on the bridge, so we'll split into two groups of five. Flanagan, take command of group two. We'll find the weakest of the attacking ships and target her engines and weapons. Our tachyon lasers will pass through most sheilds like a hot knife through butter as you well know, but the problem is the range is REALLY short so watch out."

Aye sir, firing the Polymorph Rifle.... now!
On the screen, the familar purple beam shoots out from the Spidership and right at the Montezuma's Revenge.
SIr, I think I can scramble the communications between the rocket and Houston...Now, whether that will cause more trouble...

Don't try it, let's clean this up as quickly as possible.

Um, I don't think we actually ordered the fighters to launch. Oh well. What's the effect of the Polymorph cannon?

Lopez and his wingman swung low beneath the Montezuma's Revenge firing rapidly at it's engines. The armor surrounding them dented and buckled, but otherwise they were undamaged. "Smeg! OK Three, we're goona have to make another pass. Swing round to-" Lopez was suddenly cut off by a small explosion to his left. One of the tachyon cannons had been hit by a partially reflected burst of the polymorph cannon. While most of it had hit it's intended targets small beams briefly scattered in impact. The odds of those bursts hitting anything was astronomical, but somehow Lopez was just that unlucky. "Break off!" he shouted at his wingman in his comm system as his port tachyon cannon, and now his missile launcher were turned into petunias. His fighter began to weave. His wingman followed her orders and joined the rest of the sqaudron which was gathering for an all out attack run on the enemy ship that had been hurt by the Polymorph. "Get back to the ship Boss," she said with concern. Lopez silently nodded, but didn't reply over the comm. Suddenly his port engines flamed out, and he began to spin violently. "Aw hell, I'm caught in the planet's gravity field. I can't hail the Spidership cause the enemy ship is too close and could pick me off like a wounded duck. Dammit!" He pounded his canopy and just waited. His only option at this point was to wait for his fighter to get to a safe altitude so he could eject. Unless of course his squad decided to do something •••••• and try to pick him up themselves. he hoped they would at least finish their current job first.

Lopez and his wingman swung low beneath the Montezuma's Revenge firing rapidly at it's engines. The armor surrounding them dented and buckled, but otherwise they were undamaged. "Smeg! OK Three, we're goona have to make another pass. Swing round to-" Lopez was suddenly cut off by a small explosion to his left. One of the tachyon cannons had been hit by a partially reflected burst of the polymorph cannon. While most of it had hit it's intended targets small beams briefly scattered in impact. The odds of those bursts hitting anything was astronomical, but somehow Lopez was just that unlucky. "Break off!" he shouted at his wingman in his comm system as his port tachyon cannon, and now his missile launcher were turned into petunias. His fighter began to weave. His wingman followed her orders and joined the rest of the sqaudron which was gathering for an all out attack run on the enemy ship that had been hurt by the Polymorph. "Get back to the ship Boss," she said with concern. Lopez silently nodded, but didn't reply over the comm. Suddenly his port engines flamed out, and he began to spin violently. "Aw hell, I'm caught in the planet's gravity field. I can't hail the Spidership cause the enemy ship is too close and could pick me off like a wounded duck. Dammit!" He pounded his canopy and just waited. His only option at this point was to wait for his fighter to get to a safe altitude so he could eject. Unless of course his squad decided to do something •••••• and try to pick him up themselves. he hoped they would at least finish their current job first.

The ship has been partially turned into a large rubber ducky... at least, the front and middle of it has.
Sir, Grant Lopez and his ship have been grazed by the Polymorph Weapon! His cannon and missile launcher have been turned into petunias, his port engines have been hit, and he's headed towards the planet! I think I can grab him with the tractor beam from here.

Ops, use the starboard tractor and push that rubber ducky away as far as possible. Tactical, use the port tractor to get Lopez, remember it's a fighter so use low power. If the remaining enemies don't retreat now, fire the Polymorph again. All fighters, return to Spidermobile.

Aye, sir.
Alex presses a few buttons, aims, and then fires the tractor at Lopez's ship, neatly capturing it.
Got him! I'm bring him in!
On the viewscreen, Lopez's fighter, encased in a blue beam, gets closer and closer to the Spidership, until it disappears.
He's in the fighter bay.

Lopez breathes a heavy sigh of relief. Being stranded, even if only for a short time, on an alternate Earth was not his idea of fun. He keyed his communit and hailed the bridge. "Thanks for the lift," he said, then shut it off. He just sat in the cockpit and closed his eyes. Even if he'd been able to eject, the rate of spin would've left him too disoriented to maneuver properly, and he'd have been dead. And yet, somehow he wasn't at all frightened or nervous. Instead he found he was quite thrilled by the whole thing. He'd have to talk to the HoloDoc about that.

Then the Salsa Zord fired destroying the Montezuma's Revenge, the Colonel Sanders & the X-Van. The P'Tagh threw up its cloak and probably flew away. Yadda, yadda, yadda, who cares anymore?

The Observer, Quantum Man, Inspector Mystery and The Masked Enigma, dressed in inconspicuous-looking clothing, rematerialized in the middle of a national park. On all sides they could see tall buildings, so it was clear the park was in the middle of a city. It was night, so there was no-one around to see them. Silently, Observer led them into the town.

As well as the fighter, the tractor beam picked up what seemed to be a bit of spare debris. But it was not. And while Lopez had his eyes closed, the other object flew out of the fighter bay through a door into a corridor. It made its way through the ship, until, by chance, it flew onto the bridge.

(Spotting the object, PD Insane points his power ring finger at it, and his power ring fires a blast which splits the thing in two.)

It seems to be somekinda tracker droid.

Dead now, good reflexes, Pete.

Now, we need the cloak up, and fast. Same with the Collins, have they gotten theirs fixed yet?

On all sides they could see tall buildings, so it was clear the park was in the middle of a city. It was night, so there was no-one around to see them. Silently, Observer led them into the town.

How did the Observer lead them into the town if they materialized in the middle of it?

I'd suggest that we closely monitor the TV programms here now. Certainly they will comment on the President's speech and thus provide us with some additional informations.

Then in a magical plot contrivance the Salsa Zord, the Franticship & the guy on the moon all disappeared and there was much rejoicing.

Everyone: Yay! We don't have to deal with that weird ass •••• anymore!

Ensign First: Sir, sensors indicate we just left an artificial reality field. All those silly ships have ceased to exist.

If it takes an infinity number of monkeys to produce the works of Shakespeare, how many monkeys does it take to produce the works of KAM?

One monkey... with a lobotomy.

(Robot Redshirt, carrying a spear, walked up to a replicator)

WD-40, Hot!

(a random blueshirt asked) Why are you carrying the spear?

Well, I have to do something around here.

(Inside the darkened 58th Street branch of the New York Public Library, the Away Team bustles from section to section, searching. Observer crouches beside another bookshelf and whispers to the others..)

Here! Encyclopedias.

(Observer starts putting each lengthy volume in a different pocket of his cloak, which does not seem to get any heavier. He looks back at Quantum and Enigma.)

Found the history section?

Commander, I've been monitering the conversations between Houston and the rocket. All of our fighting has been noted, but nothing will be done about it right now. Should I put the conversations on the speakers?

No, we'd better keep it clear for communications. That reminds me, Alex, raise the Collins and ask their status, and have the computer transcribe the Alt-Terra communications.

The Masked Enigma stuck his head out of another section.

Quantum Man is never really certain about anything, but I'm sure we've found it. Are you coming or shall we pick up some books ourselves?

You should have bags, use them. And don't forget Rule 14: "Speed equals safety." Let's grab what we can and cut and run.

(Observer can't help but smile as he puts the last few volumes away in his pockets.)

This brings back fond memories. Not of burglary, but of exciting assignments.

Oh boy, I wonder who could have possibly made the Plot-ot-ot Twist-ist-ist post at 4:47 AM today.

Hang on... I want to find an almanac as well... I remember reading years ago in a really bad Heinlein novel that it was useful for this sort of thing, too...

rummages around in the shelves.

Got it!

Let's get out of here!

Observer to Spidermobile, beam us up. Oh!

(Just before the transporter process begins, Observer pulls a small brick of gold from his pocket, and tosses it behind the reference desk. Payment. The Away Team disappears in bright purple transporter effects.)

"Captain, we're detecting another transporter beam on the East Coast of North America."

"That's the Away Team, you moron."

"Oh."

"Sheesh."

"Captain, we're now detecting TWO transporter beams on the East Coast of North America."

"Uh oh."

I've contacted the Collins. They say they're alright, thank you. They also say that they have the sensor records of their probe availiable if we want them.
As for the computer, it's on the job.

Oh boy, I wonder who could have possibly made the Plot-ot-ot Twist-ist-ist post at 4:47 AM today.

Bob Barker???

Is it just me or does time seem to be going by faster today?

(redshirt quickly dies of old age)

Don't worry, I'll fix that. Whoops! It's quitting time. See you tomorrow.

No. Looks like the correct time to me.

However when the clock struck 9:00 am a cuckoo came out and pecked the redshirt to death

Oh, dear. JD forgot to close this board. WAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa.....

And the redshirt was blown into interboardic space