WIIGII!!! We caught up with LICC 3 again! Tagii! Sock it to me! Sock it to me! Sock it to me! Sock it to me!...
w00t!
Who wants some tea?
Got heroin, Nicole?
Ha-Haaaaaaagh! A new board! A fresh chance for domination by myself, the most terrifying demonic skull of them all! Virgin territory for more EEEEEEEVILL! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAA-HA-HAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
Yawn. How pedestrian.
Yeah, Beelzebub, you said it, let's go for a beer.
Sock it to me?
Take care, TCB
Sure. Blame me for everything wrong that's happened in the last few months. See if I care.
Don't blame it on the sunshine,
Don't blame it on the moonlight,
Don't blame it on good times,
Blame it on El Niño!
Oh, good, at least they're not blaming it on me!
Oi, Ferdinand! Come back here!
Ha Ha, Ferguson! Looooo-serrrr!
So, Schvenn, how doesh it feel to be schleeping wiv Ulrika?
...and to your left is the entire Soylent Squad.
Coming up ahead is a Big Scary Monster. Sir, please, no flash photography, as you will startle the penguins and start them stampeeding.
So it will cause them to urinate while running?
The noise to our left is the Phantom Board Security Guard Training Academy...
[hic]
[hic hic]
[hic?]
[HIC HIC HIC!!!!]
Hic nix flick chicks
Mick and Nicks?
Lick Vicks mix off wicks, & nix pixie stick kicks, fix sick hics?
Ahead of us is still more road for the tram to travel on.
Dixie Chicks?
ARGH! Caught in a tacky hellhole of tour guides, low-quality puns and hiccoughing guards!
Must... break... free....!
Easy!
Here, let me give you a hand with those tacky force-bonds...
A classic sock monkey flops its way towards the others
Excuse me, but I am the official Librarian for this dimension. Does anybody have a book to look for?
I lost my M*A*S*H episode guide. Can anyone help?
I lost "How to Read" by A.J.P. Simpleton. Do you have it for me?
Proton didn't lose it -- I stole it from him!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The sock monkey flops its way to a previously unseen archway and enters. Second later, he comes out with the requested books, a large beer, and a life-sized statue of Dick Clark.
Proton, you're lucky there was an extra MASH guide.
Do you have "Ethel the Aardvark goes Quantity Surveying"?
Actually, yes. We also have "Buddy the Zebu goes Spelunking," "Harold the Dodo goes Diamond Mining," and "Larry the Inchworm Becomes President."
How about "Curious George and the Electric Fence"?
Nope, sorry. I don't carry monkey abuse books. I can give you the L-Space directions to a Library that does, though...
I think that one even has "Curious George Contracts Ebola," too...
We have that book in section 537.4 . Next to the planet Obi-Wan Kenobi lost that one time.
Me have book!
The Librarian looks at a PADD he happens to hold
Well, what do you know? We do have "Curious George Visits Jurassic Park"
Spike, Mike, Slackers, & Dykes! The Rise Of Indie Cinema!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! Burn down the forests! Let the books all die!!!!
No, I'm the one who lets the books die!
RUUNNN!!! The penguins are stampeding! Soylent Penguins! AAARRRGGG!
So are my scpipts!
YOU WILL ALL BURRRRRRRNNNNNNN!!!!! MWA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAA!
The future's bright. Oh yes.
Just you watch it, Soylents....
LICC is now under Speling Pollice control!
We have several Speling Pollice Oficers™ patrolling these boards as we speak.
We're terribly sorry. That so-called "spoksman" is under arrest for impersonating a Spelling Police Officer.
Soylent Green is apes!
And who do you think you are supposed to be, young man/woman/other? Call yourself a Speling Pollice Oficer™? I don't think so! Out!
And secondly, who is this "Spelling Police Officer"? He or she isn't on our records. I suspect this person is trying to cash in on our undoubted success!
The last word of this sentence is mispeled.
ALERT!
We have infiltrators in our network!
Recall all Speling Pollice Oficer™ units to home base!
We'll be back!
Ah yes, the scent of skunk and garlic in the air... and someone is wearing a rather offensive perfume...
Soylent Agent Orange...smells of lilac for some reason...
We will arrest all smell offenders!
YOU did this!
You made me smell like this!
You drew first blood, not me!
YOU DREW FIRST BLOOD!
Meanwhile, back in the land of sanity...
Soylent Agent Orange, we are not responsible for your personal scents. We just regulate things, much like the Spelling Police does.
Now then, Soylent Narrator, we give compliment you for your chocolate chip cookie smell.
I could have killed 'em all, I could kill you.
In town you're the law, out here it's me.
Don't push it.
Don't push it or I'll give you a war you won't believe.
A bit testy, are we, Orange?
We tell you what... we can remove your current scent and replace it with any smell that you want. Of course, if you don't want a scent at all, that's fine, too...
>By Proton on Saturday, August 17, 2002 - 09:53 pm:
I lost my M*A*S*H episode guide. Can anyone help?>
Guess what, I found it in my closet.
PS Please don't start a thread about Klinger in the Closet. (He did marry Keiko O'Brian after all.)
PSS I weigh 1820 time more than an Electron.
Hmmph! Who nose what the world is coming to? In my day we just used our common scents to tell us what smelled good or bad. We didn't need any jack-booted thugs sniffing around.
P.U.
Smelling Police, please forgive our unhinged, Rambo-quoting colleague. He hasn't been the same since he saw that Vietnam documentary on TV.
P.S. You wouldn't like ME when I'm angry.
Soylent Green is Pea-full!
DEFOLIATE!
DEFOLIATE!
STOP!
Agent Orange! I order you to stop!
Sigh.... Green, go after him, will ya?
Did you hear what I said, Green? Go after Agent Orange!
Green? Are you all right?
...
Oh dear.... Green's reverted into his Hulk-like form again - I hate it when he does that....
Guess I'll have to sedate Agent Orange myself...
Now I'm heavier than you, Proton!
Has anyone observed my cat?
I don't care if anyone wants to know if I'm alive or dead!
GET ME OUT OF THIS [CENSORED] BOX!!!
To the Accelerated Electron--Are you as heavy as my brother the Neutron?
What? They're making a new Tron? Wasn't the first Tron bad enough?
CCabe, your Evil Twin is a Neutron???????
If you see my wife, tell her "Hello".
GREEN SMAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!
Uh, an ecological fundamentalist. All radioactive particles, GET HIM!
I'm not certain that's a good idea.
Hello.
Anybody want to buy a molecule? It's on sale, it's the pefect gift, and it's not against hu-mon rules.
MU-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA! Now that this board is reduced to a few mere subatomic particles plus a band of no-hoper heroes, it has left the way open for I, Murray, the hideous demonic skull, to march forth with my hordes of evil minions, and rule upon all! Thus begins my reign of terror, fear, and above all, EEEEEEVILLLL!!!
MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
He's a one trick pony, ain't he?
Full power to the death ray! I will not have Murray the Skull's reign of tyranny interfere with mine!
A horde of various toy monkeys appear from the Library.
My toy monkey army and I are ready to do battle!
...and up ahead, you will see various citizens of this area preparing for battle...
I, Murray, the hideous demonic skull, to march forth with my hordes of evil minions
What do you mean, "march"?! You're a skull, for crying out loud!
He's a one trick pony, ain't he?
Is it a particularly EEEEEVILLLL looking pony?
Yawn.
Murray the Skull, Beelzebub, and Dr. Chaotica are now on my Axis of Evil.
O my! Their is e vile about!
Dr. Kay Otika is powering up his death, Ray!
Murray the Scull is rowing out his mini onions!
Watt shell oui dew?
A war on Phantom Returns? How long until Mexican Food Man & the Ground Beef Heroes from the soap opera board show up?
Hey, what's this box? It says "Warning, contains Sailor Senshi and various Darths. Do not open under any circumstances. Side effects of opening the box include annoying, pointless battles and severe lack of plots."
Well folks, should I open it?
Just then a group of Phantom Returns denizens, wearing flashy spandex, grab the Phantom Tour Guide & the box, toss them both into a bigger box, which is sealed up & wrapped in explosives. Then the box is shoved into the only passageway to the LICC Universe, blocking it. Finally the door to the passageway is closed, nailed shut, and then a very thick, brick wall is built in front of the door.
*Starts to pry off the nails*
Oi! Word Twister! You're NICKED!
Is it a particularly EEEEEEVILLL axis, Bush Imitator?
I say it's not EEEVILL enough! I'm not sharing that axis with those two losers!
Mah apologies, sir.
Dr. Chaotica and Beelzebub then belong on my Axis of Evil.
Murray, however, is part of an Axis of EEEEEVILLL!!!
Thank you, and God bless Arabia!
Murray the Hideous Demonic Skull, you are charged with numerous mis-spellings of the word "evil". I could arrest you, but considering our current spy crisis, we're obliged to let you go.
Just don't do it again!
MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAA!
That's fresh, coming from a spelling regulator who can't even spell the words "Spelling" and "Police" correctly!
Your souls are mine!
Hmph. Cute.
By the way, you're also wanted for several mis-spellings of maniacal and scenery-chewing laughter.
Same goes for you, Chaotica.
And you, Agent Orange.
Things are really starting to stink up around here...
Is it a particularly EEEEEVILLL stink?
Just then, an explosion knocks a hole in the brick wall and the Phantom Tour Guide steps out.
I'm glad I discovered those explosives in that big box...
And no, I have no idea if either the explosives or the big box were "EEEEEVILLL"
Well, you Spelling Police, or Speling Pollice, or whatever variation you use, you better listen to me because my daddy's rich and can buy me whatever I want.
Coming through the reopened entrance from the LICC Universe, Air Freshener Man waves his wand so that all bad smells become good smells, thereby putting the Smelling Police out of work. Then he ducks back into the passageway before it is once again permanently sealed.
Wut!?! The Speeling Pollllllice are Nick Taunting me? Yah, well youse coppers will nevah get me ta go down to Joisey fer yas. Y dats da Jaxtraw dat broke duh KAMel's back. Eye b 4ced to kall owt 2 me homeys. Yo, Reverend Spooner! Mrs. Malaprop! Wese gots sum pig bakon ta phry.
Murray, you're exactly the person I'm looking for! Wanna come on my show?
We're the Speling Pollice
Yes, we're the Reel Pollice
All you other Spelling Policemen are just imitating
So won't the Reel Speling Pollice please stand up?
Please stand up?
Please stand up?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
There is no other EEEEEVILLL but Murray!
Dear Phantom Returns, I object strongly to the obvious EEEEEVILLL turn this board has already taken. Why do we never hear about the good things of NitCentral, like Hamburger Pattie's wonderful athletic back-flips? Yours etc., Ken Voyeur.
From another door, a figure made out of Legos appears.
I am Lego-Man! Defeator of Evil and champion of...Drat, there goes my leg! AARRGGG!
CRASH!
Could somebody help put me back together again?
And now for something completely different. A man with a DVD player up his bum.
Doing a wonderful athletic back-flip out of the freezer, is a figure made of barely edible frozen waffles
I am Eggo-Man! Defeater of Evil and champion of... AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa! No! Not the toaster!
And the moral is always look before you back-flip
Bah! These are rank amateurs compared to the one and only Murray!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!
Soylent Blue is a mere simpleton! *I* am the one true power behind the movement! Soon I will rout these fools and march forth unto the rest of the board, my coup triumphant, as my hideous demonic form is carried aloft by my army of EEEEEVILLL!
Wooo! What a pretty little doorstop! Looks all hideous and demonic! I think I'll keep it!
picks up Soylent EEEEEVILLL, a.k.a. Murray, and takes him into her room
Is it a room with a view?
Hey look.. a soccer ball!
THe group starts kicking Murray around the place
Soylent Soccer is PEOPLE!
I thought Soylent Soccer was what Americans called Soylent Football.
Stop it! STOP IT!
You don't know the meaning of EEEEEVILLL!!!
What a nice doorstep. Exactly the right thing to try out my Axe of Evil! Mwuahahaha!!!
Very well. The doorSTEP probably deserved it. MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAA!!!
Hamlet and Horation enter, stage left.
Hamlet: Alas poor Murray. I knew him, Horatio!
Hamlet tosses Murray away, over his shoulder. Exeunt.
Come back here, Denmark! I'm not through with you yet!
A baseball team enters, stage second from the left.
Batter: Hey, this skull would make a great ball!
Murray is picked up and pitched to the batter, who hits Murray out of the park.
I say, that's not quite cricket, is it?
*catches Murray*
Oh Skully, I love you.
*kisses Murray*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
My plan to enslave you all is working!
Just play with me a little longer....
OK, folks, crisis over!
The REEL Speling Pollice is back on the board and patrolling with all our might.
Move along now...
Poof!
After dropping Murray into a recycling bin he heads towards the nearest cyclotron, courtesy of Mad Scientists Labs, Phantom road XXX.
Poof!
Murray returns, but not in his original form:
MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAA!!!
Now you've got 10000 of me to deal with! My mighty army is here at last!
Mmmmmmm..... calcium bone flakes... yum!
takes the bowl of bone chippings and eats them with some ice-cold milk. Inside his stomach one can hear a faint maniacal laughing reminiscent of a certain hideous demonic skull...
(cracks the cord, whip-like, and speaks into his broadcast microphone)
Murray the Hideous Demonic Jigsaw Puzzle of EEEEEVILLL, this is Dr Chaotica. We must ally ourselves and conquer the universe!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA!
Move along now.
There's nothing to see here.
Hmmmm. Good. We've put this whole Murray nonsense behind us for good. Now, Blue my old chap, what say we --
MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!! I live. EEEEEVILLL lives! I LIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!!!!!!
Excuse me please.... it must have been something I ate.
Ah-ha! Looks like our colleague Green here has been possessed by the EEEEEVILLL spirit of that hideous demonic skull-turned-jigsaw-puzzle-mistaken-for-a-breakfast-cereal!
Large Mechanical Ape: Must...Resist... HA-HA-HA! NOOOO! Can't...Resist...Any...More!
Phantom Librarian: What's the matter?
Large Mechanical Ape: Don't...Know...I'm...Feeling...EEEEEVVVVVIIILLL!
Steps out out of the toy ape army's lines and goes over to Soylent Green
And now, we will put together an EEEVVVVVIIILLLL Army! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!
The Phantom Librarian consults a tricorder
Ladies and gentlemen and others, there seems to be an evil virus afoot! It could strike anybody at any time! Any of us... HA-HA-HA...could be next!
HA-HA-HA It could strike somebody without their even knowing about EEEVVVVIIILLLL!
The Phantom Librarian's eyes begin glowing a disturbing red, then turn back. The Librarian blinks
What just happened? By the way, I'm pretty sure there's an antidote to this EVVVIIILLL virus.
Zometimez a breakfazt zereal iz just a breakfazt zereal!
And sometimes viruses are just overrated.
Zo vat do you want to do ziz morning?
Zame thing ve do every morning, znap, crackle and try to take over ze world.
You know, some day we'll look back on all this and laugh.
MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Hey, that's MY line!
Yo, Frood! Where's the good Bill and Good Ted? We want to kill them totally!
Murray, we'll join your new army of EEEVVVVVIIILLL!
Hey, evil us'es. I am Bill H. Preston, Esq. And this is Ted "Theodore" Logan. Together we are...
Wyld Stallions! (Insert Air Guitar lick here)
Be excellent to one another!
My New Model Army of EEEEEVILLL is now taking shape!
I told you so! I TOLD YOU ALL! And did you mock me? Oh yes!
No-one mocks the hideous and demonic form of Murray! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAA!
Phantom Librarian: Murray the Skull, I warn you that any attacks in this dimension will incure the wrath of the good citizens of this and several other dimensions.
As if to comfirm his words, hundreds of toys suddenly appear. Lego Man speaks up
My Lego Army will triumph over the forces of evil! It can be reconfigured on the spot to make more and more powerful weapons and peoples.
Phantom Librarian: My friends, this will be the ultimate battle between the forces of good and evil, one that will make the legendary battles between the Sailor Senshi/Darth Wars and the Tacoman/Furby scuffles look insignificant!
*A cave troll smashes in and starts thwacking the various Phantom Returns citizens left and right*
What about us, then?
[hic]
Hey! I'm still waiting on my library book!
A Zeppelin shows up, with a metallic android and a cat at the controls.
Sprinkle Boy may have his own series on another site, but we still remain! And we shall fight off any forces of EEEEEVILLL!!!!!
A jagged tear opens up in the fabric of time and space, and a very large warship appears from it. Aboard the ship, General Tacoman is watching the results.
Scientist: Interdimentional travel complete, General. The test was a success.
Tacoman: Excelent. Now, you mentioned some restrictions?
Scientist: Yes sir. For the moment, we only have enough power to go to a place and back. We should be able to work that problem out, though.
Tacoman: Ops, where have we ended up?
Ops: It looks like we've ended up in a limbo dimension called "Phantom Returns." Sensors show large amounts of EEEEVVVVIIILLL down there.
Scientist: Sir, our time is almost up. We must get back before dimensional power runs out.
Tacoman: Ops make a note of this place. We may come back later with our fleet. Get us out of here.
Scientist: Aye sir.
With that, the ship emits a beam, which opens up a tear. The ship enters the tear, and is gone.
Phantom Librarian: Hmm.. my tricorder shows that the ship showed minor signs of EEEVVVVIILLL...
Hey! Quit with the zippin' through portals trick already, ya shmucks! Oy vey, oy vey...
I'm a celebrity... get me out of here!
Dear Sir,
I object strongly to the obvious crossover turn this board has already taken. Why do we never hear about the virtues of this board such as those lovely Soylent boys and girls instead of resorting to having guest appearances of old timers such as that Tacoman just to boost ratings?
Yours etc.
Col. Sandy Volestrangler-Smythe (Mrs.)
Then we shall cease this madness forever!
.... and continue it on a new plane.