Hey, that's almost like that movie, and um...nevermind.

Dear K-NIT TV-47.

If you even think about starting Part XXX, we'll sue you for copyright infringement.

Sincerely,

Jack Valenti
President of the MPAA
"We own you!"

Don't most of the LICC have experience in the Earth of 1,000 years past? Weren't they transported there for quite a while during the Authors Storyline?

Yeah, but only for a short time. And they didn't do too well. QM (and Tacoman, and probably some others) are from that time period.

Lopez yanked out the petunias and tossed them into a nearby recipticle. He though for a moment he'd heard a tiny insignifcant voice saying "Oh no, not again!" but he just ignored it as his still racing mind playing tricks on him. He was only starting to come off the adrenaline rush of nearly dying. He then climbed on top of the fighter, locked his mag-boots so he wouldn't fall and dragged himself the short distance from the cannons to the damaged engine. It was in bad shape, but it could be saved without scrapping the whole fighter. Good news since he didn't know how many more, if any, replacement Banshees Kiehart had built. He hoped the Flight Commander had made more than just the six he'd had brought in to replace those that he'd had to destroy when the compuiter virus took them over. "Warning. Unidentifed craft approaching!" The automated warning blared over the flight deck's loud speakers. He hailed the bridge. "Captain, Banshee and Hornet sqauds are In mid-cycle right now, but Red Squad is all set. Should I give the order to scramble them now?" "No need," Milkshake replied. "We've got a rough ident. Looks like a small two person shuttle, TerrSec design. It's sheilds are down and it's unarmed, but we'll keep an eye on it."

Aboard the shuttle, the woman, looking sickly, hit the button to send out the generic electronic request for landing.

Meanwhile, a blissfully unaware Jason Kiehart was doing something really important with Rocket Ranger and the Space Marshalls, but those really cool things have escaped this chroniclers mind at the moment.

Milkshake sighs

How do these ships find us in top-secret locations? Anyway, bridge to transporter room 2. Would you fellas care to make another run? It would probably be best to locate histories and such from more than one nation, for comparison purposes.

(Observer is busily setting encyclopedia volumes on an anti-g cart when Milkshake's call comes in...)

I'd be up for it, Captain. Quantum, Mystery, what do you think?

YOU don't need to know what *I* think, mister! Do you even know who I am?!

Oh no, not again! (he explodes)

Quantum Man brushes redshirt ashes off of his 20th century clothing.

I suggest that we stick with what we have for now. Obviously the histories will be US-centric, but the major events should be there. We can go back later, if we need to (I hope).

If needed, should I start searching for a non-United States site for them to transport to?

No, we should probably hold off for now. All right, fellas, resume your stations.

Milkshake clicks off the intercom

This isn't getting us any closer to tracing the phantom transporter signals. Ops, is Lopez's probe ready?

The shuttle starts to drift off course as it approaches the Spidership. The pilot seems to be struggling, although the ship has no signs of any damage. Eventually the Spidership's computers manage to lock on to it's autopilot signal, and brings it in. Lopez, with three armed guards behind him, waits. A minute later, the doors open, and a weak looking woman is standing, barely, holding tightly on the rail. Her left nostril starts bleeding, and her eyes droop. "I, need, to see, Jas-Jason Kiehart." she murmurs, barely loud enough for Lopez to hear. Then she faints, and starts to fall down the shuttle ramp, her leg catching and braking loudly before Lopez and one of the guards are able to leap up and grab her. Lopez pulls out his comm. "Lopez to sickbay, we need emergency transport, now!" The last thing Lopez hears as the transporter noise begins to start is a child saying, "Mommy?"

(PD Insane is reading a book)

According to this, all libraries are connected to each other via L-Space, a sort of force that binds the galaxy together... one of many. The only problem is, not many people know how to access it, or how to use it to reach other libraries. But I'm sure we've got someone on the ship who has some idea how to.

Just then, the turbolift doors open, and a large Silverback Gorilla exits, carrying a book and wearing a LICC uniform. Through gestures and various sounds, he indicates that HE is the ship's Librarian, and honorary member of LICC/Small.
OOk! AHH!

I thought he was supposed to be an Orangutan?

No. Unseen University has an Orangutan. LICC can have a Gorilla if it wants to.

Probe ready now, Commander. Shall I launch?

Go ahead.

OOK!! Ahem!
You see, the Master Librarians, those that regulate L-Space, decided that because of the success of Unseen's Libraran, the keepers of the Library Secrets should be apes of all sorts.
Suprised that I can speak? Don't be. The Master Librarians also decided to give the Ape Librarians the same intelligence level as Unseen's Librarian, but in most cases, allow them to speak.
Be glad that I am your Librarian. I've seen one place that uses a Spider Monkey...
Now, for lunch...
The LICC Librarian wanders over to the replicator.
Computer, one bunch of bananas.
The bananas appear, the Librarian picks them up and wanders to the turbolift.
Remember, if you need me, you know where to find me! Computer, library.
With that, the doors close, and the turbolift descends.

Meanwhile, in another part of the galaxy, on Risa, Jackson and Butrfli are relaxing in one of the planet's many resort beaches. Both of them are wearing swimsuits, lying on chairs, and looking very relaxed.
Jackson: Ah, this is the life. So have we seen everything on Risa yet?
Butrfli: Well, there is still a museum or two...By the way, where did Meteor Boy go?
Jackson: Oh, he's in the kids'a area, probably playing video games. I think he's going to look in on Fran and Logan from time to time...
Butrfli: That was a good idea you had, letting him travel with us.
Jackson: Well, he didn't want to go back to his original group, but still wanted to be part of a group, so I figured, why not let him join us for a while? Maybe we can even adopt the kid.
Butrfli: We'll have to see, dear.
B

Oh, no! Tacoman and Butrfli have got a "B-"!!!!

Obsy, I sense we are being watched by something.

A young man in an military officer's uniform stopped in front of a large steel door. An amazing array of locking mechanisms insured that no one would be able to break into the records room beyond.

The officer closed his eyes, and an image of the each lock's internal mechanisms formed in his mind.

The sound of footsteps interrupted him.

A pair of guards, leading dogs came around the corner and stopped where the officer was standing mere seconds before. The dogs stopped, looked around, and growled. The officers pulled out flashlights and looked in every corner, but found nothing. They left the door, and continued on their patrol.

And invisible someone silently landed, and became the officer again.

They shouldn't be back too soon. I have more than enough time to look around and get out.

The officer focused on the door locks again. He smiled as soon as he felt out all of the internal parts that kept the lock closed. Then he focused on behind the door. A single guard stood on duty at his desk.

The guard yawned and suddenly felt sleepy as unknown to him, the blood flow to his head began to slowly grow less. The guard blinked a few more times and fell asleep at the desk. As soon as he lost conciencness, the normal blood flow returned.

There was the faintest click as all of the locks were unlocked by an invisible force. The door silently swung open on its own, and the officer entered. Once he was through, the door closed and locked itself.

The officer reached behind himself, and pulled a vodka bottle out of thin air. The officer poured a few drops of Vodka down the sleeping guard's throat and placed the bottle in the guard's hand.

HoloDoc walked over to Lopez, who was pacing, and muttering to himself. "What does she want with the FC?" "I can't answer that one Lieutenant, but I can tell what's wrong with her." "Spill it Doc." "Nanotech virus. Highly sophiscated one too, designed with the most advnaced anti-EMP protections I've ever seen on anything that small. And whoever injected it into her obviously didn't expect her to wind up here." "Why?" "Simple. They left their calling card right on the machines. I was able to extarct several, but their replication process is too complicated to be able to remove them all without killing her." He hands a read-out to Lopez, and the pilot's eyes go wide. "Oh you have GOT to be kidding me!" "Gets worse. I found this in her pocket." Lopez takes the small credit card sized item. His jaw dropped. "Oh now I know you're kidding!" The mark on the backs of the nanos and the mark on the woman's ID card was the all too familiar to the LICC symbol of TerrSec. The woman was a high level TerrSec agent, very high level. He looked at the bed. The child who had been there in the shuttle was now there just astaring at his mother. "Keep an eye on 'em Doc. If they do anything suspicious, lock down sickbay. No, lock down the whole deck. I'm gonn show this to the Captain." He switched on his commlink. "Lopez to Milkshake, I need to see you and the rest of the command staff in your ready room. You are just gonna LOVE this."

Hey! Lopez is from Star Trek -- He uses the "Keep the Captain in the dark" trick!

The ready room seems a little small. We could use the conference room on the other side of the bridge.

He points to a door on the opposite side of the bridge across from the ready room.

Now that the cloak is up and there is no longer risk of being detected by the alternate Earth, we probably have time for a meeting. What do you think Commander?

Fine, let's go. Come on up, Grant.

Grant enters the conference room a few minutes later, and shows them the nanos and the card. "Doc already confirmed she's not contaigous. This nanoplauge was specifically designed for her DNA. Those are pictures of the removed Nanos you're looking at because they died alm,ost instantly after being removed from her body." "What exactly does this nanoplauge do?" someone asked. Lopez shurgged. "Well, we don't know for certain. The Doc is still running tests, but his hypothesis is that these are designed to mimic some of the nastiest symptom of some of the nastiest dieseases we had to deal with in the 20th centruy such as AIDS and Ebola, only with a much slower rate of damage to the body. Whoever did this to her obviosuly wanted her to suffer. She's had to take nearly lethal doses of gamma radiation to slow the progress of the nanos, but at the same time those doses have been weakening her immune system and her organs to the point where when, the tiem comes, her demise will, according to the Doc, and I doubt this is medical term, be really, really messy." "Any idea what she wanted with Kiehart?" asked someone else. Lopez sat down. "Everything I know is in the report I had placed on the Captain's desk. She just came out of the shuttle, said she needed him, then fell and broke her leg. Her bones are brittle. Another side effect of the excessive radiation treatments I think." He frowns and lowers his head. "Is it possible she was sent here by TerrSec as a spy or a saboteur?" asked yet another crewmember. Lopez shook his head. "I doubt it. And her kid, Jesus, her kid. What he must be going through right now. I doubt his mother has much time left. Let's hope that whatever she needs the FC for, he gets back from his playtime with the Space MArshalls soon." Milkshake nodded, and dismissed Lopez so he could have a private chat with the command staff. As Lopez left the room he could be ehard muttering curses under his breath directed towards TerrSec and whoever created this nanovirus.

Rikard watched as the doors closed behind Lopez before turning to Milkshake.

My guess would be that she either found a way or believes there is a way to use Kiehart's invulnerability to cure her illness. That power is his most unique feature.

After TerrSec was disbanded he was probably the only person she could think of that could possibly have a cure for her illness.

But who is she, and how did she get mixed up with TerrSec in the first place?

Perhaps she was a former agent that messed up or turned against them. They decided to punish her in the worst way. I believe these questions would be best answered by her. Hopefully, she's well enough to answer a few questions.

Good idea, Number One. Pay a visit to our guest and see what you can find out. Meanwhile, I'd like to see what that probe has dredged up. And has anyone seen Adon lately?

Lopez reached sickbay a few minutes later, and the woman was stirring, in bed, holding her son's hand and murmuring something that he couldn't make out. The HoloDoc though, was able to hear it becuase he was standing right next to her, and did not like what he was hearing. Lopez walked over to them. "Ma'am, I'm acting flgiht commander Grant Lopez. I work with Commander Kiehart. Could you tell me why you're here, adn what you're invovlement with TerrSec is?" He would later kick himself for asking these questions the way he did. Interogattion was NOT something they taught at the Ganamede Flight School. Her eyes were half closed, but she ahd managed to get them wide again. "Noah, step outside please? Mommy needs to talk to the pilot." The child looked sad, but did as he was told. Lopez watched him walka way. "Does it have something to do with yoru son?" Lope asked, again realizing later it was probably a dumb thing to say. The woman nodded, and blood began to pour down her nose again. "Jason *cough* Kiehart is," she stopped, her eyes closed, and for a moment Lopez thought she might be dead, but then she took a dep breath. Her eyes remained closed as she said, "is Noah's father."

"your involvement", not "you're" (We shall ignore the typographical error in "involvement".)

"Ganymede", not "Ganamede"

"Interrogation", not "Interogattion".

I'll get right on it sir.
With that, Rikard exited the conference room and made his way to Sickbay. He entered the doors to see Lopez and the LMH standing over her. The doctor was treating her for what appeared to be another nose bleed. Rikard walked in and approached the doctor when he finished.
Is she well enough to answer a few question Doc?
The LMH sighed.
LMH: She's in as good of a condition as I can keep her in. Unfortunately that's not saying very much. She could die within moments or days. All I can do now is ease her pain, but, as you can see, Lt. Lopez has begun to ask her for what is probably the same information that you seek.
Rikard: Thanks Doc.
Rikard walked over to the bed to see a look of shock on Lopez's face.
Are you okay Lieutenant? What is it? What have you learned?

"I'm, uh, not sure I believe it sir, but, well, she claims that Mr. Kiehart is that little boy's father." Lopez points to the child sitting in the HoloDoc's office, out of ear shot. Rikard's eyes go wide. "What?!?"

Please ignore the last interruption - that man was NOT one of our lot. WE are the only authority on spelling corrections around here.

Sir, sensors show a temporal field forming on the West Coast of their United States...
California... town of Mound Valley...I think I can focus the sensors on the source of the field...

Rikard takes a few seconds before answering.
Kiehart's son? I didn't even know he had a- we'll have the doc take a blood sample. Compare the DNA. I'm not the best judge of age but my guess would be that it was Logan Newcastle who fathered the child. I wonder if Kiehart even knows about this. Has he ever told you about a son?

Lopez shakes his head. "The only, uh, encounter, he ever brings up is his not exactly legal tryst with his 9th grade science teacher. At least I think he said 9th grade. Well, whatever grade it was, he was still a minor at the time. And that was too long ago for this to be her," he motions towards the TerrSec woman. "Plus, he made a big deal about the teacher having red hair. A distrubingly big deal." HoloDoc overheard part of the conversation. "Well, unfortunately the more sophisticate DNA scanner is off-line at the moment. I put in forms to get it fixed a few weeks ago but the engineers have been," he glares at the two pilots "AWFULLY busy on the Flight Deck." he adds with venom. Lopez tugs his collar. "Well, uh, I'll have someone sent up ASAP." "Good call." HoloDoc replies. He suddenly goes back into cordial mode. "I can however do a prelimanary blood type, see if this boy has the kind of blood type that the offspring of an A- woman and a O- man would have. That'll only take a minute."

Let me see that DNA scanner, Doc.
The Holodoc nods and points to a device across the room.
Doc: Of course, it's right over there.
Rikard walks over to the machine and looks over it.
It'll only take half an hour to get the parts, which we could easily replicate, and repair this thing. And I'm out of practice. I doubt that it would take more than twenty minutes for one of Colanator's guys to fix it. Rikard to Colanator.
Colanator here.
Could you send one of your engineers up to Sickbay to repair the DNA scanner?
Aye. Ensign Damot is on his way.
Thanks, Rikard out.
Are you finished with the scan Doc?

I mean the test.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks for the 'deus ex machina' jerkweed! I was waiting for Kiehart to come back beofre the thing was even close to being fixed so I could give him a big dramatic send off! It can be fixed in no time? You shoulda asked!

"Just a moment Commander," HoloDoc says, annoyed at how impatient the command staff tended to act. Lopez and Rikard paced for what felt like an eternity.

Meanwhile, far, far away, the sweaty and tired souls that went by the names of Kiehart, Wayne, Kent, Rocket Ranger, and Shikara(sp?) were on theior way to return to the Spidership. They would be there in a few hours.

That 'jerkweed' comment was over the line, I'm sorry.

Brian, next time, don't knee-jerk. Take a minute. Then write. Then take another minute. Then look. Then if it's OK, post.

The mysterious officer stood before a large collection of file cabinets. Without a word or gesture, the cabinets opened, and folders floated out.

The officer held up a small device that defiantly didn't fit with the local and pointed it at the folders as they opened and flashed in front of the device. After being scanned, the folders floated back to their file cabinet and returned themselves to their proper location. Dispite the size of the room, the entire reading took only a few minutes.

Once everything was put back where it belonged, a hole in reality opened, and the Mysterious Officer stepped through it.

A portal opened on the Spidership, and Adon stepped out. He connected the tricorder to the ship's computer and uploaded all the data it collected, which included visual images of each and every page.

Adon to Bridge, I might have discovered what, exactly, The Event was. I have some data to search through, but I will report what I find, when I find it.

^{Author's Note: Hey, post these notes are what the discussion boards are for. And this is a free for all board. Remember? If you have plans then make them a little more clear. You can't just assume everything's going to go your way. And it's easily fixable. Watch:}

Rikard leaned over the Garvantian engineer's shoulder.
Rikard: Well?
Damot: Looks like you missed something Commander. The damage is more extensive then you thought. The inside of these circuits are completely fried. We're not going to be able to fix this thing. Sorry Doctor, you're going to need a new DNA scanner unit. This one is beyond repair.
The LMH rolled his eyes. Perfect. No one ever d-
Rikard: Not now Doc! Just finish the scan.

^{See? Not that hard...}

The word "post" is not supposed to be in that... post.

Lopez nodded, but looked puzzled. "I don't know how that's possible. The outside looks a bit dinged, but otherwise it looks fine." Damot chuckled slightly, then removed the front panel. Lopez's eyes went wide. "Oh my, that's a mess." he muttered. "Yep. The casing took a beating alright, but the insides came loose at some point obviously."

Say, where's Commander Milkshake? Oh.. I see, asleep in his chair... Ever since they started making Lay-Z-Boy command chairs, is it any wonder why they're called the comfy chair?

Milkshake jumps up from a sound sleep

I just remembered! I'm late! Computer, transfer command to Commander Rikard, authorization Milkshake-Tango-Tango-Foxtrot-November.

"Command transferred."

Milkshake looks at the startled bridge members

Sorry, guys, but something extremely important's come up, I need to leave. See you later.

Milkshake jumps into the turbolift, and a few minutes later, a runabout rockets away from the Spider into warp space.

Man, if a captain of a military vessel did that in real life, he'd be court-martialed!

Yuck, why is it that I am never officially chosen to take command?

Humanoid News announcer: Breaking news from out of deep space. The command of the LICC has been transfered again. It would appear that Josh Rikard, seen here Shot of Rikard on vacation is now the leader of the LICC. More news as it happens.
The camera angle changes to show Jackson and Butrfli watching the video screen
Butrfli: Is this true?
Jackson: I don't know. I'll ask someone.
Jackson sits at a COMM screen, and his image pops up on another screen. We pan to see Alex Dupree looking at the screen.
Jackson: I just got the news... is it really true that Steve left?
Alex: It seems that news travels fast.. He just left about half an hour ago, and left Rikard in charge. So, how's your vacation coming along?
Jackson: Well, we're on Berni IV, you know the place with the big gulleys?
Alex: Sounds like fun. How's Butrfli doing, by the way?
Butrfli appears on the screen
I'm doing fine, Alex, and so are the kids.
Alex: Well, have a good time. Talk to you later.
Jackson, to himself: It looks like things are getting chaotic since I left...
Alex: Well, you know the LICC.. one suprise after another.
With that, the connection is cut.
Jackson: Think we sould make our way back to the Spidership?
Butrfli: I think they can fend for themselves for a while...

Sould?!

MR. Valenti,

Your lucky we don't sue you sir. You see, we had a XXX on LICC1 AND LICC2 before people even really knew who Vin Diesel was.

Pull back your law dogs, and we will 'misplace' the memo to our legal department. Capice?

Excuse me, I'm in charge of Evil responses!

Picks up phone.

J.B.? E.E. here. Who's the fool who responded to Valenti? Now we won't get any good movies to air. Yeah, we'll have to go "All Ishtar All The Time".

listens...

You fired him? Good. Thanks. Yeah, we'll do the lunch thing soon. I'll have my people call your people.

Good good. Move along now.

Tonight on K-NIT TV-47, a very special presentation of ISHTAR!. To be repeated tomorrow, and the day after and the day after, and...

Oh please, someone just kill me now!

*Shrugs*

Okay.

BANG!

Meanwhile, in a faraway bed, Butrfli sits up and looks around. She nudges the lump next to her, which rises, and shows itself to be Jackson.
Butrfli: Jackson, I just had a dream... I feel we might be needed in the near future on the Spidership...
Jackson: Are you sure? Do you remember anything?
Butrfli: Yes. I remember something about Kiehart being involved... something about a woman and a little boy...somehow they were connected...
Jackson: Should we head back for the Spider?
Butrfli: Maybe we should.
Jackson: Computer, locate the Spidership and alter to intercept. When we're within hailing range, wake us if we're not already awake.
Computer: Acknowledge. Altering course.
With that, the stars change direction as the Lucy in the Sky makes its way to the Spidership.

[mindless radio chatter]
Mmm? Er, yes sir, right away!

As for you lot... Don't touch anything while I'm gone!

The HoloDoc hands the report to Rikard and Lopez. "Well the cursory scan of the blood types involved suggest that ONLY a man with Kiehart's blood type could have sired that child. I can't say for certain wether she's telling the truth or not until that machine gets fixed." Lopez goes over to her. "Ma'am?" he says, looking concerned. Her cheeks have begun to look sunken, and her forehead now appears ashen. "Lo-logan Newcastle," she murmured. "He was," she starts mumbling in an even lower tone of voice then before, and Lopez can't hear her. Rikard asks him what she said and he tells him. "It makes sense," he adds. The child is too old for 'Jason Kiehart' to be his dad, but Logan Newcastle is an entirely different story."

Jackson and Butrfli are in the Holodeck, playing with the kids, when the computer announces
Computer: Spidership within hailing range in 5 minutes.
Jackson: I'll go up to the bridge and make the preparations.
Butrfli: Sounds good.
Jackson does just that, and is treated to the sight of the Spidership on the viewscreen, although far away.
Jackson: LICC Spidership, this is Jackson Dupree aboard the Lucy in the Sky, requesting docking space. We're coming home...at least for now.

That's what I thought. It could also explain why Kiehart never told us about it. He may not even know about this.
Suddenly, the computer chimes in.
Computer: Command transferred to Rikard, Commander John Lucas.
Rikard: What? Computer, where is Commander Milkshake?
Computer: Commander Milkshake is not onboard the Spidermobile.
Rikard: Last known location?
Computer: Docking Bay One.
Lopez: Looks like you're the captain.
Rikard sighs. I wasn't expecting that one. Rikard to bridge, what's our status? Have the away teams reported from the planet yet?

The Lucy in the Sky is allowed to dock, and soon after, Jackson and Butrfli exit their ship.
Jackson: Well, we're home. Computer, locate Commander Rikard.
Computer: Commander Rikard is in Sickbay.
Jackson: Back to your old stomping grounds, huh?
Butrfli: Yep.
The pair exit the shuttlebay and make their way to Sickbay.
Jackson: Hello Josh. I heard the good news. Congratulations. Who's the lady on the biobed?

Cap- um, Jackson! Butrfli! Welcome aboard. The woman here is a former TerrSec agent. She has been infected with a lethal and possibly incurable virus. He looks over at the doctor's office and talks more quietly. That boy in the office, Noah, is her son. The doctor has also informed us that he is the biological son of Mr. Kiehart.

Butrfli: Let's see if I can do something...
Butrfli walks over to the biobed, places her hands above the woman, and begins to chant quietly. An aura extends from her hands and briefly envelopes the woman. The aura leaves, and Butrfli rejoins the group, shaking her head.
For some reason, I can't do anything... I get the impression that this is an artificial virus of some kind...
Jackson: You did your best. Josh, does Kiehart know of this...development in his life?

Rikard shakes his head, and so does Lopez. "Sir," Lopez says, "he still has hasn't returned from his misison with Rocket Ranger yet. And there's no way to know if he'll be here before she dies. The nanovirus is in an advanced stage."

Ok... Maybe we should contact him and tell him to return to the ship... tell him there's something waiting for him or something.

=/\=
I'd suggest placing the women in a time-stasis field. The chronitons in there should slow down even the nanoviruses. Or are they shielded against time manipulations?
=/\=

Just then the Librarian makes his way into Sickbay and goes up to Commander Rikard.
Sir, I've just gotten word that there might be a large battle in the Phantom Returns dimension. My calculations show that the battle could go interdimensional... including here.
Jackson looks at the Librarian curiously
Jackson: Strange, I've never seen you around here...
Butrfli: That's because you never wandered into the Library. I had the opportunity to do so once or twice with the kids and ran into him. Right?
Librarian: That's right. You do have cute kids, by the way...
Jackson: So is your information about the battle correct?
Librarian: Yes.
Jackson: Well, if and when we leave, we'll make a stop there.

Uh, shouldn't the Librarian say, "Ook"?

UT

If you look at the LICC Librarian's post on Tuesday, August 13, 2002 - 02:17 pm, You will find the answer that you seek.
The redshirt slips on a patch of ice and slides into the sewer.

Is it a particularly EEEEVILLL sewer?

Go back to Phantom Returns, Murray.

I'll be back! You haven't seen the last of Murray! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAA!

He's right, you know.

A gigantic spear from the planet Taurus II skewers the Anthropologist Redshirt, killing him.

Kiehart brought his figher out of warp just behind the SPidership, rasing a few alarms. His comm system registered angry chatter from just about every security officer on the ship. In his most apologwetic voice, he tried to say without laughing, "Sorry 'bout that." It didn't quite work and it made some of them angrier. He eventually decided it would be good for his ears to just shut it down and head for the fighter bay.

So the Redshirt that slipped on the ice died by sewerside, right?

In his most apologwetic voice

Today's special guest star, Elmer Fudd as Kiehart!

I swear, the next time Kiehart does this I'll fire the Polymorph cannon at him.

Oooh! I hope he does it again soon! I want to see that!

Furby's idea has merit. Would it work Doctor? Could we slow down the disease's attack by placing her in stasis?
Before the doctor can answer, a message comes in over the comm system.
Au to Commander Rikard. Captain, Lt. Kiehart's ship just dropped out of warp directly behind us. He will land momentarily. We don't believe that the planet detected him.
Captain, nice ring to it. She was the first to call him that since he took command.
Thank you Ensign. Inform Mr. Kiehart that he is to report to Sickbay as soon as he lands. I don't care if he needs to wash up or fix his ship or anything. I want him coming here as soon as he lands and leaves that ship.
Ensign Au: Aye sir, I'll deliver the message myself.
Rikard: Thank you, Rikard out. So, does anyone want to greet the Flight Commander?

I guess I can do that...
So Josh, how does it feel to be Captain of the Spidership?

Kiehart popped open his canopy and slid off his helmet. He was sweaty, and his hair was matted, looking like it hadn't been washed in days. One of the Banshee pilots laughed at him. "Jeez boss you look like ••••." "Yeah well, I didn't exactly hagve time for a shower for everything that happened. By the way, has Quincy made it back yet?" "No sign of Rocket Ranger sir. Oh, and Milkshake split." "No, I don't want a BANANA split. What the hell is a milk shake split anyway?" "No, no, I mean Captain Milkshake took off. Josh Rikard is in charge now." "What?!?! You're kidding right?" Before the pilot could reply, Ensign Au, looking haggard as though just leaving the Boston marathon, went up to Kiehart. "Flight Commander Kiehart, Captian Rikard and Acting FC Lopez have requested your presence in sickaby, imediately. No showr, no repari work, nothing. Sir." Kiehart frowns. He almost didn't hear what the enisgn said becuase he noticed the TerrSec shuttle. "Wonder if it has anythign to do with that." he muttered. "OK, I'll go there in asec. At LEAST let me put my helmet on that table over there."

Does this nanovirus have anything to do with the nanoprobes on Th'fashuss, like the ones I've got?

Au to Rikard. Lt. Kiehart is on his way.
Rikard: Very good Ensign. Thank you.
Turns to Jackson
Captain? It's kind of surreal. I mean, I've been in command of the ship before but I've never really actually been her captain. I'm still only acting until Milkshake gets back. But it feels good.

I bet it doesn't feel nearly as good as having your body back!

Oh no, not again!!!!

He explodes

Uh, how do Furby and Enesku know about this? They aren't in sickbay, and far as I know, no one outside the command staff and Lopez knows about it.

Kiehart walks into sickbay and sees the woman and her child. He wlaks over to Lopez and the HoloDoc. He starts to ask them if those were the occupants of the shuttle, and then sees Jackson and Butrfli. He smiles. "Hey, I thought you two were on honeymoon! When did you get back? And what's this I hear about Milkshake ditching us?"

Nytpycker, the answer is TRTS (They Read The Script).

Jackson: Well Jason, two things... One was that we heard about the departure of Commander Milkshake and came to see what was going on. Another thing...
Butrfli: Another thing was that I had a vision/dream saying that we might be needed around here. Once we get whatever it is cleared up, we'll leave again.

Just so you know, Nytpycker is not me, Nypykr.

Whoops, typo. He is also not me, Nytpykr.

Welcome back Mr. Kiehart. The reason I needed you to come to Sickbay as soon as you landed is that woman on the biobed. You may have seen her shuttle in the landing bay. She's dying Kiehart and she has information for you that you need to know. You don't recognize her?

He frowned. "Uh, no should I? I honestly don't think I ever met anyone from TerrSec that didn't have an interest in killing you and by extension moi. She doesn't look familair at all. I don't recognize the little boy either. Is he her son?" He notices the uncomfortbale looks from Lopez, Rikard, Butrfli, Jackson, and the HoloDoc. "All right, look! Could somebody please tell me what the •••• is going on? I just came here to refuel so I could go out and look for Quincy. We got seperated during the mission and I want to make sure he, Kent, and Wayne are OK." The others all looked at each other, as if to say, "So, which one of you wants to tell him?"

Jackson steps forward with a motion as if somebody pushed him foward and steps up to Kiehart
Jason, Butrfli and I havn't been here long, either, but from what we've been told, that woman is infected with a TerSec virus, probably lethal.
Ah.. but things get even better regarding the boy... it seems that biologically, he's your son.

Kiehart just stands there in stunned silence for a moment, the only movement his body makes is when he blinks. "I'm sorry waht?" He says as though he didn't quite hear what was said. "MY son? What, how? I mena, I know HOW how, but not how, I mean, I've never met that woman before, I, I, he doesn't look like me!"

Jackson: Well, if it didn't happen in the traditional way, there's a lot of other ways to get DNA samples... I mean, our DNA is on file at the DOS!
Butrfli: Of course, if this is TerSec's doing, they could probably get a sample quite easily... hair, blood, a skin sample... And as for him not looking like you, sometimes the child looks more like one parent then the other...

Hold on... I don't I got this part... was the boy conceived before or after Kiehart became Kiehart? You know... before the accident that turned Logan Newcastle into the Kiehart we all know and love

According to the "Nitpicker's Guide to the L.I.C.C." the Furby has installed hidden cameras and microphones all over the Spidership. He knows nearly everything that's going on there.

(Steps out of the corner of sickbay)

What if it isn't TerrSec? Kiehart, would any personal enemies want to use the mother and child to get at you in some way?

Don't you ever use a door? And don't you ever step out of places besides corners?

I think by the age of the child that he was conceived when Kiehart was Logan.

Certainly I use the door. Takes a lot of effort to do otherwise. It's just a matter of moving unnoticed.

Where did Commander Milkshake go?

Kiehart shook his head. "Most of my Logan newcastle memories were restored to me, partly by your help," he says pointing at Observer. "I don't have everything, but his five or six sexual enocunters, I'm not sure wether to count that thing at the Martian University theatre, stand out clearly and while Logan probably does have a kid out there, in fact it wouldn't surprise me, he was never very careful, I know that I have never seen that woman, either as myself, or as Logan Newcastle." Suddenly an alarm went off on the woman's biobed, and her son began to panic. HoloDoc and Butrfli ran in. Everyone in the office could hear the Doc shouting. "We've got massive organ failure here! Grab your healer's stave. We might be able to slow it down, but it looks like the naovirus in it's final stages." he shouts at Butrfli. "We don't have much time."

(Looks to the dying woman on the bed)

This isn't good. Any virus can be drawn out and trapped, if you know the right stimulus, but we might not have enough time here. I can help, though.

We don't know where Milkshake went. He just left. He didn't say a word about where he was going.

And you're correct, this isn't good. Would Furby's stasis idea work or not?

The woman coughs and raises her hand. She touches Butrfli's arm. "Is, is he here?" Butrfli nods. "Let me speak to him. Please." Butrfli nods again, then looks at the doctor. "Tell him to hurry. Her non-vital organs have started to liquify it's only a matter of time before the major ones go." He suddenly realizes that her son is cowering and crying underneath the table. He ducks down and takes the child's hand. "Come with me please. Your mommy wants to be alone with a friend of mine right now." "She's gonna die isn't she?" the child chokes out. HoloDoc nods. "I'm sorry. I want to save her but I can't." The child wipes tears from his eyes, then stands up straight and looks at his mother. She smiles at him as Butrfli and Kieahrt come up to the bed. She mouths "I love you," to him then says. "I don't want you to be here when it happens Noah. Go with the doctor. And please, don't turn around." Noah nods, still crying, but does as he's told, taking the doctor's hand as he leads him into his office, where he darkens the window. Butrfli soon joins them. Kiehart leans in. The woman starts to talk to him.

One minute and forty-seven seconds later, a sad, and almost tired looking Kiehart steps into the HoloDoc's office. "She's gone." he says. He wlaks over to Noah. "She told me to tell you that you've been very brave during this whole thing, and that she'll always be in your heart. She also said that she wanted you to keep your promise." The child nods, then throws his arm around Kiehart's neck. Kiehart hugs him back. Noah lets go, then says, still crying, "Can I see her?" Kiehart frowned. "She's in, bad shape Noah. I don't think she'd want you to see her like that." He turns to HoloDoc. "What do you think Doc?"

I guess there wasn't time to get my staff... of course, in this case, I don't think it would helped.
Butrfli leans in and starts talking to the Doctor
I guess there's nothing left but to do an autopsy and other tests. Do you need my help?

(sitting in the command chair)
I wonder what's keeping Rikard down there so long. I'd better ask him.

(pushes the center button on the left arm of the chair)
Bridge to Commander Rikard. What's going on down there?

(then pushes the lowest button on the right arm of the chair)
Bridge to Commander Adon. Got any information on 'The Event' yet?

Insane. Good to know everyone's alive up there. Geez, I haven't heard from all of you in a while. What's our status? Any new information on the planet?

No new information yet, Rikard, and we're still not even close to tracing that transporter signal. Maybe we should try to figure out what the deal was with that tracker droid?

Good idea. Have someone run a detailed diagnostic and investigation of the droid's remnants if it has any. Let's try to find anything out we can. \

As for what's going on down here, well, pauses for a few seconds revelations. I'll fill the senior staff in later. Maybe. Rikard out.

On the bridge, Alex checks the sensors.
Lt. Insane, sensors show something big headed this way... I think it might be the next board!

It is not my decision Mr. Kiehart. Seeing her may cause psychological damage or it may not. It may be better for him to see her. I don't know. I'm a medical doctor, not a psychologist.

Sooo, putting the Kiehart trouble aside - what did the away team find out? Any interesting events in this "Earth's" history? Temporal vortices, alien invasions, ion storms, Furby wars, hypernovae anyone?

Insane, I've been able to discover where the transport signal came from... It looks like it originated from an unused cargo bay on the Spidership...
Clearing up the signal, the sensors show that an organic being and a robot went down to Alt-Earth... unfortunatly, the record of where they went was erased from the computer..