In a galaxy far away...

Observer looks a little sheepish as the three get up to head to the bridge.

"The good lieutenant would like to start a band, and once she heard that I play an instrument..."

"What do you play?" Artsy asks.

"Electric guitar," Observer and Skip respond simultaneously.

"..and drums." finishes Skip alone. His older self stares at him.

"I don't remember that." Observer says.

Skip shrugs. "Brain-wipe. Anyway, I'd love to play in a real band. Why don't you accept?"

Observer chuckles a bit as they leave Zen Forward. "Because I hate the music that's popular on Earth right now. I really really despise it."

Artsy and Skip laugh.

"Dude, doesn't mean you have to PLAY it." Skip says.

"I'd love to hear you play." Artsy remarks.

Observer shrugs. They continue on and enter a turbolift. As the doors close, the older one turns to the younger one.

"I can't believe I ever used the word 'Dude'."

Skip laughs.

Lopez hands Rikard the letter. Rikard pulls Lopez back into the ready room. He starts to speak, but Lopez raises a finger to his lips, the univeral sign for "Be quiet," and pulls a small device out of his pocket, and turns it on. "We've got about thirty seconds before the plant, if he or she is watching on internal sensors realizes this isn't normal static." He stands at attention and waits for the acting Captain to respond to the letter.

(Andy Mikkelson is sitting in a Millenium Falcon-style quad-laser contraption, playing a holodeck Space Invaders style game. Peter Insane has long enjoyed this program, but Andy Mikkelson has been playing it for at least two hours and Insane is just plain tired.)

AM: Come on, Pete, take another gun, it'll wake you up!

PI: (if he weren't so tired he'd probably be raging) How long have you been on this g*d d*mn thing? I've lost all track of time!

AM: You know, spending time around you is very informative on how I can play this part. *ZAP!* Yeah, got `im!

PI: Can't you at least try something else?

AM: I've got to get to level 20. Then I'll stop. Whoa! *ZAP!* Close one there! *ZAP!* Yeah!

They're dragging the K-NIT plot to another episode?

More padding than at a Pamela Lee look-a-like contest.

(Ensign First gets in turbolift with several male crewmembers)

Eeeek! I've been geesed!

Random Blueshirt: You mean goosed.

I can count!

On the bridge, a banqueting table apparates with a number of turkeys, amongst other things, on it. The Great Emancipator also apparates.

"Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Visio Macius!"

On all the screens, whatever was on previously is replaced by the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Unless the agent has any bugs in this room, I can cut off any outside monitoring of this room. But we don't know about that.
Glances over the PADD again.
TerrSec again. You'd think they'd give up after their organization was shut down. What makes you think that we'd be able to find the plant by entering the squads into the competition? I'm sure that if someone sent and agent to go in as a pilot then they would make sure the person knows how to fly.

Gammalon V. A wretched hive of scum and villany.

Three starships, of radically different size and appearance, land close together, wherever they can find any suitable ground. A humanoid gets out of one, and meets up with another humanoid who gers out of one of the other two.

"Here we are. The inn should be quite nearby."

"Do you think we'll find anyone here who can give us some help?"

"I think so. Enesku mentioned this place a lot."

"Maybe she was lying?"

"There's only one way to find out."

On the bridge, Lt Tupper gets an idea.

"Computer, locate the Masked Enigma."

Everyone looks at him in surprise.

"The Masked Enigma is on holodeck 2." replies the computer.

"Excuse me," says Tupper, to everyone else on the bridge, "I'll be back soon."

Minutes later, Tupper passes holodeck 1, and senses a presence he recognises. He groans, and moves swiftly on to holodeck 2, which he enters.

When he gets in, he sees the Masked Enigma wind-surfing. The Masked Enigma, seeing the unexpected entrance, comes to the coast.

"Tupper!" he gasps, "But... I thought you weh dead!"

"You mean," says Tupper, "You thought *you* killed me!"

COMMERCIAL BREAK

END COMMERCIAL BREAK

A runabout drops out of warp very near the Spidermobile, and a very familiar voice hails the starship.

"This is the runabout Tesla, requesting permission to dock."

It's Commander Milkshake! Quick, someone, open the shuttle bay doors!

I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that.

Oh...shuttle? Sorry, I can open the shuttle doors. Opening now.

The turbolift seems to be taking an extremely long time to get to the bridge. Granted, it is stopping at every deck and section it passes, whether there are passengers waiting or not...

The doors open for the sixteenth time since the three left Zen Forward. No one is even in sight.

"Someone's playing a trick, I think." Skip says, irritated.

Artsy shrugs. "Probably just a bug. I'll talk to Turbolift Control."

"Good idea." Observer says.

As Artsy reaches out for the lift control panel, her hand freezes. Her hair and clothes abruptly glow bright, intense blue, she clasps her hands to her head and screams shrilly. Before Skip and Observer can react, they too grab their heads as if intense pain.

Observer struggles to clear his mind of the...THING that had forced itself into it. The mental intruder is penetrating, searching, filtering through his memories and conscious thoughts.

Skip is lying on the floor of the lift, seemingly paralyzed, and Artsy is sitting on her heels and rocking back and forth, flashing through a rainbow of emotional colors. Observer concentrates. The mental intruder can be driven out, if he can just muster the strength...

THERE!

Artsy gasps as the pressure on her mind is relieved. The younger Observer coughs a few times, then shakily rouses himself. Observer has gone pale with fatigue, but is still standing. The turbolift slows to a halt again, and the door opens onto another corridor. However, this one is occupied.

A small figure, a human child, stands just outside the turbolift doors. He is black-haired and fair-skinned, with penetratingly blue eyes. And he is wearing an identical, except for size, copy of Observer's customary brown cloak.

"So it is true then, Observer. You have formed an attachment with this female. The Superiors cannot allow this to continue."

The person inside the runabout pilots the small craft smoothly into the shuttlebay. No one, besides the usual technicians, are present.

Hmm, maybe I came in too quick. Let's give them a surprise.

The occupant enters coordinates into the small one-person transporter within the runabout. And inside of 5 minutes...

Commander Milkshake transports onto the bridge, holding his helmet under his arm, grinning from ear to ear.

Hello everyone!

(PD Insane's quarters. Andy Mikkelson has finally fallen asleep at the quad-laser cannon, and Peter Insane has dragged him through to his quarters. He lays him out on his bed, and writes a note: 'If you find yourself locked in here, conatact the bridge'. Then he exits)

Computer, lock doors, authorisation Insane Tango Alpha 1579.

(He then returns to the bridge, where he meets, to his great surprise, Commander Milkshake!)

Milkshake! Great to see you again! The ship has turned into a madhouse since you've been gone! We solved the whole alt-Earth thing in a very unorthodox way, you can read Rikard's report on it. What else is there to say? Alex has been not much different from Jackson in many respects, Observer and Artsy have been on another date or two, and TGE showed up to wish us a happy Thanksgiving.

Oh, yeah, and there's also a portal or more to the K-NIT universe. I've just spent the last several hours with the actor who plays me.

Hi Milkshake. Nice to see you back.
Looks at Insane
Well, I did spend time in the 20th century with the guy, and I am his dimensional counterpart, so I guess we would be somewhat similar...
So, anybody up for a game of poker or Fizzybinn?

Hey, that's my line!

A very small submarine surfaces very close to the beach. A hatch is opened and alt-Furby looks at Lt. Tupper and the Masked Enigma.

I'm pretty sure you want to talk. I'm all ear.

Artsy steadies herself with a hand braced against the deck, still gasping for breath, trying to slow her pounding heart. One moment reaching for the control panel, the next.... Something in her mind. Not talking, not like Seeker, not like Quito--this was prying, invasive, relentless.

The artist swallowed hard, pushing back swamp-green nausea at the very thought. Observer had stopped the attack. She turned to find him and saw Observer facing a...child. A child with cold blue eyes that glanced over her dispassionately.

"So it is true then, Observer. You have formed an attachment with this female. The Superiors cannot allow this to continue."

Artsy shook her head, trying to clear it of fear, trying to understand exactly what this unknown boy was saying. And why he was wearing a cloak like Observer's.

Oh no.

Artsy climbed unsteadily to her feet, defiant red laced with a pattern of gray. There were questing, anxious echoes from Quito and Seeker in her mind, which she did her best to ignore for now. "Who are you?" Before she said anything else, she had to be sure.

The Masked Enigma reached over to the submarine and extracts the Furby. He now spoke in a tough, agressive sort of voice, quite a different accent from his usual.

"Didn't your manufacturer tell you to keep your fuzzy nose out of other people's business?"

He carried the Furby to the holodeck doors, opened them, and threw the fuzzy thing out. Then he closed the doors and issued a command to the computer to lock them.

"Computer... create a new program... a locked cell. Have it so Lt Tupper and myself are inside it."

The computer obeyed this command also.

"If this gets out to anyone, I may have to take steps I don't want to. You have no right to come in here and put an end to all this by bringing up past events. Remember... I have eyes on the back of my head..."

The child glances back in Artsy's direction.

"Jean-Louis Cardiac. I am an Observer."

Skip leans back against the turbolift wall, clearly frightened. Observer simply holds his ground, his eyes going nearly as cold as those of their tormentor.

"I knew, sooner or later..." he says.

The boy's tone becomes brisk. "Suffice it to say, it was inevitable, yes. And so we have something of a problem, Observer. I hardly think I must remind you of the laws that were made perfectly clear when you were brought in to the Legion, nor the penalties. What I desire to find out is..."

Observer's voice came out almost as a tired croak.
"Can we discuss this in private?"

The boy stops, and inclines his head. "As you wish."

Then, all of a sudden, the world blurs and spins around the four, and resolves itself into the sight of Observer's living quarters.

"As I was saying, disciplinary action must certainly be taken in this instance, but we desire to find out why this has occurred." Cardiac continues.

"I stopped your mind-probe too soon, eh?" Observer remarks, wearily sitting down on his couch.

Cardiac's eyes seem to blaze. "Your resistance to our investigation has complicated the matter, Observer. I would advise you not to continue it."

Lt Tupper returns to the bridge, and sees Commander Milkshake. He offers his hand, and they shake.

"I don't believe I've had the pleasure. I'm Lieutenant Tupper."

He also sees Lt Peter Insane, and rolls his eyes.

"I thought I sensed your presence," he says to him, aside.

So, Commander, where've you been? Vacation? Secret mission?

Artsy steps carefully between Observer and Cardiac, breaking the child's stare and catching it with her own. "What do you mean, disciplinary action?"

Cardiac, avoiding her blueish-orange eyes, steps back into line-of-sight with Observer. Before he can say anything else, Artsy is in front of him again, on one knee and at the child's level. "I asked you a question, Observer Cardiac." Her voice is low and sharp. "And before you ask him again--I do not think the why of love concerns anyone but the ones who love."

Alex, Pete, great do see you again. Tupper, pleased to meet ya.

shakes Tupper's hand

Well, not exactly a mission or a vacation, but it is secret.

What's the story with this portal, Pete?

Cardiac replies very coolly.

"Normally it does not. Observer, however, has agreed to abide by the laws and regulations of the Superiors, who have a vested interest in the welfare of their Observers. They are puzzled by this matter. Observer has been nothing but loyal throughout his career, and his sudden defiance of their law is very galling to them."

Your guess is as good as mine, Commander. There are a few of them throughout the ship, and people from our universe have been going over there, and people from their universe have been coming over here... some guy named Skip came over, I think he's Observer's past self or something silly like that. There's also Andy Mikkelson, he's an actor and he plays me. I've been with Andy for the past several hours so I've probably missed a lot of stuff.

Last I heard, Skip and Oberver were working on a way to close the portal(s), but they obviously forgot about it cuz we haven't heard a word from them since.

Mortcarn

Some of the people tracking down Enesku have realised, since she is so well-traveled, landing on any planet and asking questions is sure to get a result.

Mortcarnian: "Yes, it must have been her. I saw her kill some of those Lifeblood Vampires with her spear. She called herself Enesku the Vampire Slayer."

It all fits. Any idea where she was headed?

Mortcarnian: "No, but she was with the Superhero group who came to protect us from Hammer and Nail. The League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions."

"Thank you. You've been most helpful."

He returns to his ship.

Copilot: "Anything?"

Yep. Seems she's part of the L.I.C.C. now. The ones with the ship that looks like a spider. Contact the others. Things are a lot easier now. We're not just tracking a person, but a whole [CENSORED] starship!

Hold that thought, Grant. We have some arrivals.
The two exit the Ready room.
Commander Milkshake. Welcome back sir. I've tried to hold the ship together for you but we've had some trouble with interdimensional portals. We have a team working on it. They think that they almost have a way to close them.
Turns to Insane.
We know he's the real Milkshake right?
Insane: yeah
Rikard: Good. Computer, transfer command back to Commander Milkshake, authorization Rikard Beta Yellow 9 4 7 3 Tenacious
Computer: Transfer complete.
Rikard: By the way, Lt. Lopez and I need to speak with you as soon as possible.
Turns to Tupper.
I'm sorry I wasn't able to welcome you aboard the ship when you arrived. Welcome aboard.

Tupper like in ware?

Hi there Josh. I'm sure you've done a terrific job. Well, let's talk in the Ready Room, and then I'll see what Observer and the other fellow are up to.

(to Tupper)
You've never forgiven me for that hand-buzzer thing, have you? You sensed my presence, did you? You mean you've been brushing up your TP skills? I used to be a jedi, but I stopped being one when I switched back to this body, after my other one was damaged.

Insane, if it had just been the hand-buzzer, I'd have forgiven you. Fred's done just as bad, I'm sure.

Commander Milkshake, would it be acceptable if I shared as few shifts as possible with Lieutenant Insane?

So you two know each other. What happened? What's going on between you two?

Or is it Tupper Harley?

Btw, where can I find the nearest toilet?

He is pointed to the next turbolift and vanishes from this universe.

a pot of petunias appears in mid-air and thinks
Oh, no! Not again!!!

Poof!

A girl in a bikini appears on the bridge. She is holding a well-done steak and three strips of bacon.

Tupper, you forgot your breakfast.

Poof!

She disappears.

Turn the ship around, I gotta get my hat back! I'm not an Admiral without my hat!

Suddenly, and without warning, it begins raining hats of all sorts on Benson. As this is happening, a voice booms from above
Are you happy now?

Maybe Insane should just return Tupper's chafing dish?

I helped him into the academy. Or rather, my buddy Fred did. Fred must have seen something in him I still haven't. I still think it was a bad idea.

What does Tupper wear, then?

You're in trouble.

The same thing I saw Della wear.

Artsy swallows hard, stands, and steps back from Cardiac. Any help she might be able to offer Observer will have to wait until she understands more of the child's intentions.

Quito is still fussing in the back of her mind, so the artist takes another step back and focuses on calming her down. Hsssh, Quito, everything's all right. You stay with Seeker or go find Ansh.

The alien girl quarrels with this idea for a moment, then quiets. It is Seeker's question that Artsy has difficulty turning aside. TRACKS COVER I CAN, HELPLESS NEITHER OF YOU. SHALL WE TRY?

No! Artsy squashes her sending as narrow as possible, hoping that Cardiac is too focused on Observer to have picked up on these silent conversation. Not now, Seek. Not with this mind-speaker here.

INDEED.

His speech drifts away from her, and Artsy turns again to the three Observers, listening.

Oh, I don't know Lieutenant. Mr. Insane here has on many occasions proven to be an essential part of our crew and the LICC as a whole.

Cardiac will arrest Obsy? These punsters..!

Somewhere on the Spidership a Redshirt grabs his chest and jumps dramatically backwards.

Didn't Della wear a New Jersey?

I completely agree with the Commander. In fact, I knew his counterpart from my dimension before he was taken by the O'kaks. He was a pretty nice guy himself. Pretty much the same personality as the Insane over here...

I apologise... it is not my place to question your companions and crewmates.

He senses the presence of The Masked Enigma. The turbolift doors open and an inconspicuous looking yellowshirt steps into the bridge and takes over the Ops station. Tupper knows the inconspicuous-looking yellowshirt is actually the Masked Enigma, but he decides not to say anything. Enigma is probably suspicious, though. Tupper wishes he were able to disguise himself as well as the Enigma can.

The discussion continues between Cardiac and Observer.

"What made you think you could simply disregard the Superiors' instructions as you saw fit?" Cardiac demands.

"I didn't come to this decision simply, Cardiac. I felt I deserved to live in happiness. REAL happiness, for once in my life." Observer explains, going a little red in the face.

"Complete selfishness, you mean."

"Look. As far as I see it, I deserve this privilege, Cardiac. I've toiled for hundreds of years, jumping here, jumping there, changing the timeline and adjusting the timeline, saving people, nearly being killed and sometimes having to kill! And I've done this all without complaint, all without--"

Cardiac holds up his hand. "I've heard this far too many times already, Observer."

Observer says nothing.

Cardiac continues. "The same lament, a few variations but it's all the same. I deserve this, I've worked hard for this. You're not the first to defy this law, Observer. But unless you've forgotten, you owe your EXISTENCE to your Superiors. I'm aware that it has been a long time since your original life, but surely you have at least a faint memory of your death."

Observer goes slightly pale. "Yes..."

"Yes. And do you have a similar memory of being returned to life from oblivion, given an education and kept whole and healthy and a chance to live life longer than any normal man, all for fulfilling your duties to serve the greater good? Pure selfishness to break the gentle grip that keeps you from sliding into death, wouldn't you say?"

Observer sits back, not really looking at anything. The briefest hint of a smile crosses Cardiac's stone-like face.

"However," the boy continued "as you say, you have served without complaint for many years. You have saved untold numbers of people from chaotic fates. And so, we are prepared to offer you a choice."

"And that is?" Observer asks, knowing already what it will be.

"Accept a transfer from this assignment. You will be returned to the Terminus to rest for a short time, then you will recieve a new mission as
usual. Your privileges will not be restricted in any way, as long as you make no attempt to return to this universe within this female's lifespan." Cardiac gestures at Artsy.

"The other choice is death." he then intones dispassionately.

Lopez checks his device. The 30 second time limit has passed. He shuts it off. "So anyway, I was asking the Commadner about entering Hornet sqaud in the upcoming Starfighter Olympics over Jupiter." He slipped the note to Milkshake while making a keep it quiet motion with his other hand. "The commander said he couldn't attend, but that I could go in his place. Now that you're back sir, I assume it would fall on you to O.K. the deal." Milkshake read the note, which now had an addendum written by Lopez to Rikard. "Kiehart's info says the plant will do anything to avoid detection and may havea lready taken down a few of his/her fellow agents in battle, and I believe that would include leaving the ship for the SFO which are only two weeks long."

After getting the go-ahead from the captain (some time passed during the commercial break), they try ensign Hart's idea and successfully break the connection with the K-NIT dimension, unfortunately the spacial phenomenon that started the rift suffered an energy backlash and thrust the Spidermobile into the Negative Zone.

Unfortunately the Negative Zone's physical laws function differently from the LICC Dimension's physical laws and the first sign of this is when the artificial gravity sends everyone up to the ceiling.

Superpowers also work opposite the way they are supposed to.

A redshirt stands up on the ceiling when the artificial gravity is shut off and he is sent into a collision with a blueshirt and a yellowshirt.

"AAAaaaaaaaaa..." Much to his surprise he gets up all right, although the blueshirt & yellowshirt are dead.

"Wha... How...?" He runs over and sits on a sparking console, which stops sparking.

"Woohoo!" He then picks up a pair of scissors and begins running around while yellow and blueshirts cower for their lives. "I'm alive! Yahoo!"

(A random blueshirt checks the consoles)

Sir, it seems that the internal sensors are showing a flyship approaching from outside, and the external sensors are showing the interior of the ship.

(At that point the blueshirt is zapped with some x-rays and reduced to a pile of bones)

(In Sickbay the LMH wasn't feeling well)

Oh, what's wrong? A-a-achoo!

Compute contact a computer programmer and activate the EMH.

(The EMH forms with a thermometer in his mouth, his feet in a pan of hot water and with blankets wrapped around himself.)

What do you want? Can't you see I've got some kind of computer virus. Achoo!

(against the white space and black stars, the saber-toothed flyship approached the Spidermobile and activated the viewscreen)

So LICC has decided to invade the Negative Zone. I knew your dimension was up to something like this. I'm Bob Negative...

(pause as the spidermobile responds)

No, I'm not related to Professor Negative. You meet two people named Negative and you automatically assume they must be related? Negative is just a common name over here, just like Smith or Zeltag is in your dimension.

Anyway I'm with the Negative Zone Security Forces and we've been keeping an eye on your dimension ever since it appeared in a previously unused dimensional zone, then spread backwards in time as if it always existed there. Now it's obvious you're here to do the same thing to us.

Well, in this dimension it's the fly that eats the spider. Prepare to die. Fire weapons!

(Behind Bob a greenshirt at the tactical station pushes a button and explodes)

What the... Who put a greenshirt on Tactical? Quick have an orange or purpleshirt take the station and fire!

Alex, who flew to the ceiling as he was reading a thing on the Starfighter Olympics, attempts to recover his wits, and says
Dupree to Rikard and Milkshake, you're needed on the bridge. We have a battle situation!

"And someone should try and fix the gravity!"

Rikard and Milkshake jog out of the ready room and take their positions.

Milkshake: Red alert, shields up.

Didn't they already fix the gravity before the redshirt scene?

I think the editor got some scenes out of sequence.

Well, I'm definitely reporting this at NitCentral.

In the LICC Dimension the shield projectors create an energy barrier which prevents dangerous energy & objects from passing through. Unfortunately in the Negative Zone the shield projectors magnify dangerous energy and start attracting nearby objects.

Sir, the shields seem to be increasing the amount of stellar radiation on the ship. Like using a magnifying glass to burn an ant with the sun's rays.

(Note: In order to avoid a gruesome death like other blueshirts have experienced since arriving in the Negative Zone, she has removed her shirt.)

Alex sits at the back of the bridge looking at a display.
Sir, I don't know how, but when we were pulled into this dimension, the portals between us and the K-NIT dimension closed... for good, I think...
Those from there will have to find their own way home now...

Which part of they try ensign Hart's idea and successfully break the connection with the K-NIT dimension don't you understand?

I was just confirming the situation, you must understand...
Odd.. they're not firing on us, and the bridge is rumbling like they are... must be all part of the Negative Energy thing...
With that, Alex is thrown across the Bridge for no reason at all.

Hmm. Okay, drop shields, increase the SIF. Do we have some form of Vulnerability Field on the ship?

And NOBODY turn on the Ratliffian Battle thing!

The... structural... integrity... field...?

(With the SIF activated, the ship starts to break apart)

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm very proud and happy to announce that the Spidership has been taken over by the LICC/small.

MWUAHAHAHA!!!!!

My dear brother, please arrest our superhero "friends" and officers and confine them to an airlock.

Tinky Winky, shut down the reactors to gain full power. Dipsy, disarm all weapons! Po, keep shields and SIF down. Laalaa, deprogram the internal hologenerators to change the external shape of our ship into a piece of cow-dung! Members of the Pokemon Drop Squad, shut down the gravity grid!

Har har har, ve vill take tis universe over!

Where do we come into all of this?

You know... our ships tried to fire at each other in the regular manner, wouldn't we hit ourselves or something?

Why don't they fire behind them, and turn on the tractor beams to use as deflectors?

"The other choice is death." Cardiac intones dispassionately.

Artsy holds herself very still, not even drawing breath as the meaning of this choice--permanent seperation, both ways--sinks into her heart like a lead weight.

But she can't hold her color still. Achingly dark silver follows a dizzy flush of blue...and it takes the shocked artist several moments to realize that the colors are flooding not her own hair and clothing, but those of the three Observers in the room with her....

Tai: *gasp* Why are the Furbies acting evil?

Red: Aren't they biomechanical creatures?

Tai: You're right!

(Tai whispers a plan to Redshirtmon, they walk up behind Furby and Alt-Furby and quickly flip their Morality switches from Good to Evil, which in the Negative Zone, will cause them to act good)

Tai: We better remember to switch them back when we return to our universe.

Red: Say, you don't think Colanator & Robot Redshirt have morality switches do you?

(onto the bridge wanders Robot Redshirt)

Muhahahahaha!

In this universe I am immortal!!!

I laugh at you puny humans imminent destruction!

Muhahahahahaha... *gllzzt*

(Robot Redshirt drops to the deck deactivated as Ensign First hit his reset button with a chair)

Man did I pick the wrong week to stop wearing red.

(ship is hit by an asteroid that had been pulled toward the ship by the shields)

Aaaaaaaaaaa.... *thud* (slams into far wall)

(on the Flyship a purpleshirt has taken over the Tactical console)

Fire!

(the weapon destroys an asteroid that had been pulled between the Spidermobile and Flyship)

Oh, if they think these little tricks will stop us they have another think coming.

Fire again!

This universe can't be completely opposite, because otherwise... for example... I would be not a man but a woman, not alive but dead, not smaller than the ship but larger, and not standing on my feet but my head.

Oh, what the Heckler&Koch what this? I think I need a cold shower. No...

Bangs his head a few times against a console.

Uh, that's better. Tubbies and Pokemon, continue your work.

From the outside the Spidership really looks like a giant smelly piece of cow-dung now. Naturally the Flyship increases the distance because in this very universe flies hate sh*t and the onboard AI panicks.

Commander, the Flyship appears to be retreating.

Why are we changing direction?

Orangeshirt: It's the computer, sir.

Oh, Computer...

Computer: Bzz bzz... Help me! Help me! Dangerous substance detected! Fly away! Fly away!

Override the computer controls.

Orangeshirt: We can't, sir. The exploding greenshirt damaged the controls. We have to fix them first.

If LICC escapes because of this hinds will roll!!!

Insane - I would be not a man but a woman

Maybe physical changes just take a little longer? (she looks down at her bra) Do my breasts look smaller?

Insane - the Flyship appears to be retreating.

But for how long? We need to either find a way out of this place or find a way to fight back.

(meanwhile in Sickbay, an injured blueshirt enters sees the two ailing Holodocs and decides to treat himself by grabbing a dermal regenerator)

This shouldn't take long. (he turns the device on over his hand) AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa... (he shuts off the dermal regenerator) It burns! It burns!

LMH: Well, the good news is you cauterized the original scratch. Achoo!

Man, it's like somekinda phaser.

Sir, maybe if we reverse the polarity of the Dimensional Drive and set it to this dimension, maybe we can get back home...

Realizing an opportunity, Rikard takes a long look.

They look fine. Not that I have a basis for comparison since I don't usually look at them. I mean, um, never mind.

Realizing how awkward and unprofessional he is being, Rikard shuts up

"Whatever we're going to do we better do it fast," chimes in Lopez who is still on the bridge. "According to the pseudo-science station panels the entire universe here is coming apart because of our presence."

If it's switching gender you want, I am the most qualified.

It was a female voice, certainly, and it belonged to someone who looked like nothing other than a young woman, with longish hair. But her next statement brought surprise to them all, even though they shouldn't have been too surprised.

Actually, I'm the Masked Enigma. It wasn't too hard to put on this disguise.

Aw, man. I didn't think we'd ever see the Psuedoscience Station again since they blew it up months ago.

They must have repaired it. So you owe me $10.

This universe is coming apart because of us? That doesn't sound right. This universe is bigger than us.

(she leans over the station so that her breasts are level with the seated Lopez' eyes)

Ah, yes. you misread this. You must have been distracted by something. It's the Spidermobile that's starting to come apart.

dramatic music

Cardiac glances upward, finally taking notice of the shaking, the announcement, the red alert siren, the frightening sight out the viewports.

"It's almost amazing you've lasted this long."

Observer stands up, and holds out his hand to Artsy, who takes it. "This isn't much of a choice, Cardiac."

"I never said it was."

"But the answer is clear. I'm not going with you."

Cardiac says nothing. Is he struggling to keep the surprise from his face?

"One thing you seem to forget, Jean-Louis, is that I'm not entirely like
all the other discipline cases you've had to deal with."

"Oh?"

"We've been dancing around the issue this whole time, let's lay it out. Yes,
I would not be here if not for the Superiors. Is the reverse not true, however?"

Cardiac says nothing. The line between his eyebrows deepens. Skip looks puzzled.

Observer continues. "It's been a long time. Perhaps you've forgotten a certain fellow that I carry around with me, right here." He lays a finger on his forehead.

"I certainly haven't. And do you know, Jean-Louis, he still talks to me. In
fact, he talks to me every single day. He tells me exactly what he thinks.
It's not pretty. You more than anyone should know how the Sorceror thinks,
since you attempted to control his mind."

Cardiac's mouth opens and closes a few times. "Yes...I...this makes no
difference, Observer. Despite your assertions that you paid back your debt
to the Superiors, my orders still stand. You have made your choice, and
you must be destroyed."

Artsy starts forward, but Observer holds her back. "Fine. Fine then. Kill me
right now. I'm sure you will have much more success with the Sorceror than
I have."

Skip finally speaks. "What do you mean?"

Observer turns to his younger self. "I have the honor of carrying the
consciousness of a very temperamental and incredibly powerful creature in my mind with me. This creature once caused the Superiors a great deal of
consternation and difficulty, and Jean-Louis seems to think that when I am dead, this fellow will simply...disappear."

"You don't know that he won't!" Cardiac's composure is breaking down, bit by bit.

"You don't know that he will. Now speak to the Superiors. Make sure that they indeed are willing to destroy me, or perhaps they put that threat as a very
nice ploy to get me to abandon Artsy. Any rate, if they do, I'm sure you'd
be the most qualified to hold the Sorceror's conciousness, Jean-Louis. I
sincerely hope that you've grown more powerful since you last attempted to
tackle that task."

Cardiac takes a step back, eyes a little wild. Finally his gaze fixes on Skip,
and he smiles slightly. "Perhaps, but most times a problem is better solved
before it is even begun, is it not, Observer? I'm sure I can convince the
Superiors to keep a close watch on your younger self, perhaps preventing
you from recieving this assignment in the first place, eh?"

Skip looks at Cardiac, then at his older self, then something seems to change in his demeanor. He's no longer frightened of Cardiac, he's genuinely angry and determined. And at last, Observer and younger Observer look identical. No matter what their clothing and stature shows, both men are clearly one and the same being.

Observer works his jaw back and forth just a bit.

"Oh ho ho, you certainly could, Jean-Louis. It would be very tricky, though,
to meddle in the past of a long-lived Observer and not change many things that should be left unchanged. Rather like performing eye surgery with a machete. Too many things that should remain as they are can be altered. By all means, make the attempt. I cannot stop you. Whether the Superiors wish to take this risk is another matter. And they are extremely conservative, are they not?"

Cardiac shakes his head briskly. "It is pointless to continue further. We
will deal with you, Observer, and soon. You." he points at Skip. "Your mission
has failed. You will be recalled back to the Terminus and your memory will
be cleared. We will send a more experienced Observer to close the rifts and attempt to clean up this chaotic situation before any more cross-infection occurs. You still have a lot to learn, as is plain to see."

"Whatever you say." Skip remarks fatalistically.

Cardiac raises his hand, and so does Skip, in a wave of farewell to his older
self and his future love. He opens his mouth to speak, but is gone too
quickly.

Lopez glowers at Ensign First. "My ex-wife used to flaunt her boobs like that. Stop it. No, it clearly says right here, the introduction of positive energy, us, is destabilizing the negative energy of this universe. Of course, in fairness to you, you do have the point that if the universe collapses we'll be taken with it."

Alex stands up from where he was thrown and goes back to his station. Noticing the strange looks, he glances down at himself. Somehow, his uniform is gone, and he is standing in his underwear.
Sir, I think the current situation is definitly applying to us... my clothing situation seems to be reversed...

(glancing at Lopez & First)

Whether we are like a pin in a balloon or an ice cube in a pot of boiling water seems unimportant at the moment. Sensors indicate that the Flyship has stopped retreating and is heading back this way. So either we have to figure out a way to go back to our universe or find a way to fight back against the flyship.

(when he finishes talking he is hit by both a pin and an ice cube, but is unharmed)

Man, I'm gonna miss this universe.

The Dimensional Drive should be warmed up in a few minutes. I hope the co-ordinates are correct because once we've used it it'll be a while before we can use it again.

In another part of the Spidership, Red, Blue, and other Shirt training has just ended in a holodeck. The trainer looks on in shock at a Redshirt.
Trainer: Amazing, in all my time, no redshirt has ever completed, or even survived this training...shame about the other shirts, though...
The camera angle changes, showing the bodies of the other color shirted people piled in the center of the room.
Redshirt: Yeah, but I would imagine that this celebration is short... Look out!
An odd creaking noise causes both of them to look up. A large rusty sign dislodges itself from it's moorings and falls. It crashes to the ground, just missing the redshirt. Unfortunatly, it squashes the trainer, who happens to be wearing a green shirt.
Redshirt: I wonder who's in charge of this thing now?

Rikard approaches the station that Lopez and First are using, muttering,
It's a good thing you weren't here when Hamburger Pattie was a frequent visitor, Grant. Then again, most of the crew wasn't.
He looks down at the station, then hits it. The display goes static for a few seconds before clearing up.
Looks like you were both right. When we entered this universe, the positive energy from us and the ship caused some kind of destabilization effect. The positive energy is spreading and in turn, the damage to this universe is causing feedback against the ship, damaging us more than anything else around this area. Whether we're destroyed first and take the universe with us or the universe is destroyed taking us with it doesn't really matter. What we need to do is somehow make our ship compatible to this universe so we can stop the damage. Did that make any sense at all?

(an injured blueshirt limps onto the bridge)

Captain, I found out that in this universe a dermal regenerator acts like a phasor. If we can reconfigure the ship's weapons to work as dermal regenerators we should be able to fire back at any attacker.

What if we relesed the energy of the Bad News Drive to release negative particles? Never mind.. It became the Good News Drive...But it's still full of negative particles... and if we did release them, maybe we can repair some of the damage and become negative ourselves...

What if we could increase power to the Dimensional Stabilizers? Since things work backwards here that should destabilize us and send us to another dimension.

A yellowshirt heads to a replicator

Argelian pasta with green sauce.

In the replicator a pasta monster is created which grabs and eats the yellowshirt

Pasta Monster: Yummy! Italian! *Burp*

For a few long moments after Cardiac and Skip vanish, Artsy and Observer stand silent, simply breathing and feeling the warmth of each other's hands.

Finally Artsy lets out a long sigh, still bemused when the faint yellow-blue of her relief colors Observer's hair, eyes, and cloak instead of her own. "Looks like we won this round. Right?"

First: Dimensional Stabilizers?

Ardluck: They're sort of the braking system for the Dimensional Drive. When we reach our target dimension the stabilizers come on to keep us from 'overshooting' that dimension while the drive shuts down.

First: I never knew that. But then I never worked on the Dimensional Drive.

Ardluck: Oh, yes, it's quite an interesting system. People don't usually think about the individual parts because it all supposed to work together and even for the Spidermobile dimensional travel isn't a common situation. If you'd like we could get together and discuss it someti... Aaaaaaa... (Ardluck, trying to be nonchalant had leaned against a chairback and forgot that it was a swivel chair and fell to the floor)

First: Are you okay?

Ardluck: I'll live.

First (glancing at monitor): Not if we don't do something fast, because the flyship is almost in weapons range.

Observer slowly smiles, but the tension hasn't left him let. He holds Artsy's hand for just a minute longer, then suddenly jolts back into action.

"He'll be back, and soon. Can you hold this?"

Observer takes off his cloak, pulls it inside out and gives it to Artsy, who takes it with a puzzled expression. Then, with a sharp knife produced from a tiny sheath in his boot, Observer bends over and begins to cut the four large pockets out of the cloak. The pockets clearly aren't the same material as the garment, and are held in place with big, crude stitches, which makes removing them fairly easy. The entire operation is done in a moment. Observer takes the empty pockets, places them in a desk drawer, and finally takes back the cloak and dons it.

Artsy is clearly wanting to ask about this, but before she can, Cardiac reappears. He is alone.

"Hello again, Observer." Cardiac says.

Observer inclines his head a bit.

"You are no longer an Observer. Your granted powers have been removed, your rift privileges are revoked. Shall I ask if you wish to be conveyed anywhere?"

Observer shakes his head, firmly.

Cardiac almost smiles, this time with a bit of friendliness rather than triumph. The boy extends one hand, and Observer's cloak vanishes.

"I will miss our debates, old friend."

"As will I." Observer says sincerely.

Cardiac nods. "We are finished. Farewell."

And the boy disappears.

"I think the Negative energy has already affected the Captain and Commander Rikard. They're being unusually indecisive. Alex, implement your escape plan, now. We can woprry about court martials later, let's just save the ship, this universe, and ourselves." Alex Tacoman's eyebrows raise. Though he hasn't known Lopez long he'd figured him for the quiet type, the kind who usually only takes charge of a situation when someone tells him to. "Well? What're you waiting for Lieutenant? Do it!"

Orangeshirt: We're almost within weapons range, sir.

Good. Tactical, are the weapons ready to fire?

Purpleshirt: Yes, sir!

Good. As soon as we're within range fire all weapons!

(dramatic music plays)

We interrupt this program for the following Public Service Announcement.

Good Evening. I am Hillury Roze N, and this is Jack "the Vole" Enti.

We would like to take this moment to remind you... IF YOU DON'T WATCH THE COMMERCIALS, YOU ARE STEALING!!!

Thank you.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled commercials.

Ever since the trip into the Negative Zone, Milkshake has been sitting still as a statue. And finally, from inside, a muffled voice emerges.

"...turn...my armor...OFF...or get a oil can..."

Poof!

A person magically appears on the Spidership bridge. Due to his incredibly expensive-looking suit, and sleazy demeanor, it is obvious he is a lawyer.

He sticks a piece of paper into Milkshake's hand.

That phrase is under the perpetual copyright of the MPAG (Motion Picture Association of the Galaxy). This is a lawsuit charging you with copyright infringement under the DTCA (Digital Trimillenial Copyright Act). Please be advised that the authorities will be here soon.

Poof!

He vanishes.

Activating the former Bad News Drive... purging negative particles! several bits of technobabble later... There! We have a dimensional opening to our home dimension!
We have to act fast, because the opening seems to be mixing the two dimensions somehow...

"Then let's go for it! And close it fast so the Flyship can't follow us."