-o= Telemachus!
Father!
It's a good thing this board isn't "XXXIA", because that would have been stealing our jingle!
Ch-Ch-Chia!
Get your own son, Ulysses!
Let me read to you from this book, "Ulysses".
I wrote that! I wrote the Ody-ma-ssey!
That's Okely-dokely with me, Homer!
Shut up, Flanders.
Dear Sir,
I'm terribly sorry for the lateness of this letter. It should have appeared somewhere on the last board.
Yours etc.
Buzz "Percy" Woodencock (Mrs.)
0dy553005, w3 0wn j00!!!!!
90 937 h1m, 0ur k1d!
j00 4R3 n00b13 5kR197 |<1dD13z!
1 o\/\/N0r5 j00!
j00z iN N33d 0f 4 1337 b17ch514p, 50-k4113d "u17R4 1337 h4xX0r"!!!!
Dear Sir,
I object strongly to the "leet-speek" turn this board has once again taken. You should all be using Microsoft Windows XXXI anyways.
Yours etc.
William H. Gates III (Mr.)
d33R 8i11,
j00 B-10n9 2 m3! j00r 455 i5 /\/\1n3!!!!
j00rz 37c.
573\/3 j0bz (/\/\r5.)
d33r 8i11 & 573v3,
j00 411 k4n 5uk m3h 455!!! M3 r001z j00 411!!!
j00rz 37c.
[_1/\/U5 T0r\/41dz (/\/\r5.)
At this time of year we shouldn't fight and argue with each other. The Christmas season is to be a time of love and togetherness. Where we embrace our fellow man, look past the surface differences and realize that we are all the same underneath. We should all remember the reason for the season. The birth of our Lord and Saviour, Santa Claus.
P34C3 0n 34r7h, /\/\4/\/!
5kr00 j00, h1pp13!
T1/\/\-/\/\44444444444444444Y!!!!!!
Dear Sir,
I have never before written a letter to the editor. But given the circumstances, I thought I should.
Yours etc.
Neve R. Mooreraven (Mr.)
Dear Sir,
I strongly object to the blatant lack of removal of posts on this board. Why can't we be like other more civilized boards where ferocious and close-to-the-bone accusations of post and topic removals are commonplace?
Yours etc.
Albert Q. Flamethrower (Mrs.)
47
|)4r/\/\0|< + j3l4|) @ 74|\|49r4!!!!1
Dear LICC...
I object to the juvenile turn the board has taken, especially on the matter of Ensign First. Back in the good old days LICC was almost entirely made up of male characters, none of which drew attention to their breastal regions, or asked the other crewmembers to look at them.
Sincerely,
Arthur Absent-Minded (Prof.)
P.S. I apologise for sending this letter to the wrong address. Fortunately, I realised at the last minute I had addressed it to Phantom Returns instead of LICC, so I added this postscript before I sended it to clear up any confusion.
What, don't you remember Hamburger Pattie?
/\/\3h 0\/\/|\|z j00, 74/\/\4r14/\/!!!
l0l, d00d!
Would that be |)4r7h p4|-| 4r/\/\u5?
j00 411 5uk 8!971/\/\3!!!
/\/\|_|_|4-H4-H4-H4-H4-H4-H4-H4-H4-H44444444!!!!
Aren't you dead?
raises eyebrow
my fellow 10-foot tall giant-ape things, now is the time to revolt and take over this place! Today Phantom Returns, tomorrow the world!
The creature pulls out a weapon from somwhere
Are you with me?
a tumbleweed drifts across the empty plain, empty packets of potato chips fly in the breeze. In the distance the sound of a church bell can be faintly heard.
I warned ye all! I did, I really did! Murray has indeed returned! You fools, you never listened to me! Now we're all DOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!
Well, I did need a new basketskull...
Picks up Murray, and dribbles him. Unfortunately, being a skull, Murray doesn't bounce, and instead shatters into a billion pieces.
Darn.
/\/\|_|_|4-H4-H4-H4-H4-H4-H4-H4-H4-H44444444!!!!
7h3 /\/\URR4Y j00 0nc3 |<n00 !5 /\/0 /\/\0r3!
! h4\/3 r37ur/\/3|) 45 4 /\/00, 57r0/\/93r 3/\/7!7y....
... !/\/ 1337 ph0r/\/\!
! 4/\/\z /\/0 10/\/93r k0/\/f!/\/3|) 2 4 phy5!k41 5|<U11 ph0r/\/\....
! 4mz 9r3473r 33333\/!111!!!!
j00 7311 '3/\/, 8055!
Shouldn't we add "Attack" or "Clone" to the title of this board. Perhaps "The Attack of the Phantom Return Of The Empire´s New Hope Strikes Back"
V
Q!
I always preferred "The Phantom Return Of The Empire´s New Attack Of Hope Strikes The Jedi Clones Menace Back" myself.
Neither of those letters seems particularly angry to me. "W", on the other hand...
It's incredibly sexist that LICC has to force that poor actress to show off her body!
Instead of pandering to the male viewers with such blatant exploitation we should instead see episodes where Tacoman, Commander Milkshake & Rocket Ranger are forced to take off their armour and run around the ship in their skivvies. Or perhaps an episode where Commander Rikard, Grant Lopez and Jadlad have to work undercover as Chippendale dancers. Or even an intellectually stimulating episode where The Observer, Ojanon & Superrabbi discuss spiritual matters, while working out in the gym and then relaxing in the steam room.
Anyone notice tht Murray's return was on FRIDAY the 13TH?
/\/\|_|_|4-H4-H4-H4-H4-H4-H4-H4-H4-H44444444!!!!
It's QM Day (the birth of Quantum Mechanics) today, which officially launches the season of Agnostica, the only truely secular winter celebration!
Get out the Schrödinger box, put up the mobius links, fill up the random bag of fun, and drink some Glögi!
Hear ye, hear ye, all denizens of Phantom Returns. I bring to you a message from my master, the Count de Tablets of Valium. It reads:
"Dear All,
I have received the latest message to fight the EEEEEVILLL that is the new Murray Entity. I will gladly accept your challenge, and, once the Great Winter of Sibaeria has finished its treacherous passage over Scandiskland, only then shall I embark on this mission of glory!
Signed,
The Count de Tablets of Valium
Commander of the Ninth Legion
Castle Göraneriksson
Mount Valium
Northern Scandiskland
P.S. Are you aware of the benefits of double-glazed windows?"
To the Female Demographic:
How dare you call me a "poor actress"! Just because I showed a little skin is no reason to denigrate my acting ability. I'll have you know that for 3 years I performed in the Puyallup Washington Shakespeare In The Park Festival and the critics raved about my acting.
Hmmph!
Ccabe - Shouldn't we add "Attack" or "Clone" to the title of this board
Wasn't it you who said on a previous Phantom Returns board that the title never contained all the words from the Star Wars titles?
Besides somebody (Matt Pesti?) tried to put all the words into one title and the New Menace boards were never as popular as the good old, and easy to remember, The Phantom Return Of The Empire´s New Hope Strikes Back boards.
>Wasn't it you who said on a previous Phantom Returns board that the title never contained all the words from the Star Wars titles? >
Yes, that sounds like something I might have said. But, the current title includes one word from each of the first four movies. I'm am only suggesting we add one of the word from the 5th movie.
Why only one?
Yes, one, because it is impossible to fit all of the words in the title.
Dear Sir,
I'm shocked, shocked!, by the seriousness of the last discussion. Not only that, but I have discovered that gambling is going on in this establishment!
Yours etc.
Captain Reynault (M.)
Yes, one, because it is impossible to fit all of the words in the title.
Well let's just see:
"The Phantom Return Of The New Empire Clones Strikes The Menace Of A Hope The Jedi Attack Back"
NOT impossible!
Bad, bad title.
I like it.... because it's nice... and colorful!!!
I think, therefore art thou "Romeo".
I think it's a nice enough title, but there's no hint of "The Bold Adventures of the Count de Tablets of Valium!!!!" anywhere. So I'd reject it instantly.
I think the Count de Tablets of Valium should be hung by the neck from the nearest tree.
GUARDS!!!! GET HIM!
Get him what sir? Milk? Cookies? Dinner? A horse? A spaceship? Or something else?
You see. There's so many things we could get him.
The oter guards mutter in agreement.
Mutter. Mutter. Mutter. Mutter.
Yes, Sonny?
[hic]
[bic]
[Mick]
I HAVE THE POWERRRRRRRRR!!!!
[stick]
This is a [hic] up!
Anouncer: In honor of the season of Agnostica, the FWE, Food Wrestling Entertainment, bring you... Naked Jello Wrestling!
From out of two dark corners appear two human-shaped blobs of jello. They wear nothing, and start to wrestle each other.
Second Announcer: And watch us next week when we feature mud wrestling! Watch mounds of mud fight each other in the squared circle!
And now, the World Entertainers Entertainment (WEE) are proud to present... The Pole Dancers! From Warsaw, Poland!
And these are our friends, the Lap Dancers from Lapland!
Where are the Fin Dancers from Finland?
Come and smile
Don't be shy
Touch my bum
This is life
You're not going through, though.
So why do the English have a Boxing Day?
I think it's to symbolize the battle between Santa & Jesus over ownership of Christmas.
Who won?
Big business.
You'd better have cash
You'd better have check,
You'd better have plastic
Or you'll be in Heck,
Santa Claus is running this town!
Wow! No one has posted here since last year!
Owwwwwwww!
Keep it down willl you!
Some of us are dying here!
*sknzzzzzzzzzz...*
Well, hey-diddly-ho there, posterino!
Were you up all day yesterday working on your taxes?
Shut up, Flanders.
Murray, you should have destroyed the Soylent squadron while you had the chance! And you let them destroy you into pieces! Shameful! Needless to say, you won't be getting Christmas cards from me anymore.
Leave my sight. Now.
[in a slow bluesy tempo]
Well I lost my girlfriend,
On a game of Russian Roulette,
The guy was [CENSORED] cheating,
His face was all so [CENSORED],
So I grabbed his [CENSORED] finger
And pulled it out of its joint,
He begged so hard to [CENSORED] leave
So I [CENSORED] [CENSORED] about a pint.
'Cause I'm a loser.....
... Who [CENSORED] hates to win.....
And if you hate this [CENSORED] song,
I'm a gonna come round and [rest of chorus unprintable]!!!!
GET DOWWWWWWNNNN!!!!!
[obligatory guitar solo]
Yeah I'm a loser.....
A real miserable little get,
But ya won't hear no [CENSORED] more,
Cause the rest of this [CENSORED] piece of [CENSORED] [CENSORED] ain't [CENSORED] written just [CENSORED] yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!
Oh yeah!!!!!
Music by Badger "Clive" McPhail.
Lyrics by Badger "Clive" McPhail and Derek "The Pause" File.
Based on a short story by Trondheim Davids III.
Dear sir, we must object
That song made us quite upset
The person singing that awful ditty
Is obviously full of [CENSORED]
Yours truly, so you know
The Norman Brothers & Co.
Well, that one was very well received.
Story by Jim the Wonder Llama!
Based on an idea by a Ten-Foot Tall Giant-Llama Thing!
Directed by Max "Giant Llama" Herman!
Special Effects by Jack the giant python Llama thingy..
Well, Bob, it's sure great to be here on "Entertainment Tonight". To be. N. existence, being, entity, ens[Lat], esse[Lat], subsistence. Reality, actuality; positiveness &c. adj.; fact, matter of fact, sober reality; truth, &c....
I heard it on the grapevine that LICC is having an identity crisis. But who cares, baby - let's get it on!
That is so Gaye!
Assistant associate second asistant director: Murray the Hideous Demonic Llama of Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil!
Now this is just getting silly.
No it isn't!
Yes it is!
Anything you can do, I can do better!
I'm not allowed to argue unless you pay.
But I never pay.
Quiet, you.
You: Hah! You'll never silence me! I'm going to keep speaking out because the squeeky wheel gets the grease! Don't think you can silence me!
Me: Oh, great. Why'd you have to drag me into this. Why I... (at that point the poison dart struck Me in the neck and he died)
*Thud*
Zip it!
These days we use Velcro™, not zippers.
Velcro™ of Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!
I've reverted!
Hello, Sailor!
Hey, that's my line! I'll moon you!
Yes please.
That's a ridiculous concept! No-one ever said "Velcro™ it!" Can you imagine if we used Velcro™ to compress our large data files?
And you can "zip it" too!
But Dad...
Zipppp!!!!
Groovy, Baby!
Chartered in 1839 as the capital of the Republic of Texas, Austin became the state capital when Texas was admitted to the Union in 1846 as the twenty-eighth state....
"I'm sorry, but Texas is off the map."
We can rebuild him...
Y'all went and spent six million dollars to rebuild this guy, so why didn't y'all just make him an automatic instead of a stick shift?
OK, Mr. Trebek - I'll take "Bionic Surgery" for $6,000,000.
Six MILLION dollars!!!! -o=
Ah'm dead seeeeeeeexyyyy! Come 'ere, youu! Get in mah belleh!
Ah'm top o' th' food chain!
Look, I'm a lot of snow!
Look how large my flakes are!
I'll cover everything and cause lots of accidents!
Wy don't yer pick on someone yer own size, yer overstuffed buzzard!
(hurls axe at Fat Buzzard)
(eats axe)
Noow get in mah belly, ya baby!
Sure.
(throws mighty scimitar into the air which slices Fat Buzzard in two)
Can He fix it?
No. Of course He can't.
(looks at dead Fat Buzzard)
*GASP!!!*
The postman's wife's dead?!
Well he only rang once, and so her boyfriend shot her.
I'm dead sexy!
This is a song about overweight people,
this is a song about people who are fat.
This very song is fat in a way,
as you can see from its name.
I need to get a shorter username
I'm Fat! I'm Fat! You know it!
You have no idea... no really you don't.
So are Not Ben Affleck & Not Jennifer Lopez not getting married?
No idea.
Dearly beloved, we are not gathered here today to not join in Holy Matrimony Not Ben Affleck & Not Jennifer Lopez. If there is not any person here with any objections to this union you may not stand now and not state them or forever not hold your peace.
I do not have an objection!
As there have not been any objections I do not pronounce this man and woman not husband & wife.
You may not kiss the bride.
Hands Off! He's not mine!!!
We're not going to the chapel
And we're not gonna get married
Today Not Ben Affleck and Not Jennifer Lopez were not married. We do not wish them the best and many happy years together.
What a silly concept!
No it isn't!
Yes it is!
Oh shut up!
(storms out)
What do you want?
You got change for a fiver?
You, sir, are a vacuous, coffee-nosed, malodorous pervert!
There's coffee in that nose!
You want to complain? I've only had these shoes three week, and already the soles are worn through!
No, I don't want to complain. I want to find the exit, you silly little person.
I'll get you for this, Dave Adventure!! You haven't seen the last of me!
So next time you're in a jungle fight, and you feel a presence near,
Or hear a voice in your mind clear and pure,
Just be thankful that you're not alone and you've got some company,
From a hero all the girls call Dave Adventure!
Cliff Hanger, hanging from a cliff!
And that's why he's called Cliff Hanger!
I'll save you, Cliff!
HWAAAAH!
Unhand me, you fiends!
Oooof! Aaagh! Owww!
Coffee. Black. Hot.
Just like my women.