E.E. is talking to the new directors of LICC.

And I want the budget kept down, do you understand!!! Don't blow all your money on those FX shots! And the actors are all on lower salary, so you'd better finish filming exactly at 6:47 each day, because the electricity goes off then!

And you'd better pull in good ratings, or you'll never work in this town again!

Oh, and bring back those bomb thingies. I like them!

Now go bring in those rating! GO!

Idea! Why don't we rip-off the hit TV comedy Andy Richter Controls The Universe, and have characters have fanatasies about the best adn worst case scenarios first, THEN we see what really happens!

You're FIRED! Now the rest of you come up with rip-offs of successful shows!

Why don't we have Milkshake pretend to be a millionaire dating 20 eligible gold diggers?

On Speakerphone

EE, there's a 30-second talking bomb to see you.

Bomb materializes on EE's desk

(Title sequence begins. Queen's "We Are The Champions" begins to play. As the first song starts, an beautiful orbital view of Earth, ala "Enterprise", appears)

I've paid my dues
Time after time

(Sound of a needle scratching off of a record. The screen goes momentarily black. Rock and roll music, namely, Queen's "The Hero".)

So you feel that you ain't nobody
Always needed to be somebody

(The rest of the theme sequence is of the entire cast of LICC regulars playing the song as a rock band. Most have an instrument, some bang tambourines, some just dance and sing. The whole thing is very ala 'Friends', 'Josie and the Pussycats', etc. The Colanator PC sits on a nearby table, and sings the lyrics.)

Put your feet on the ground
Put your hand on your heart
Lift your head to the stars
And the world's for your taking

(Everyone begins to jump and run around and dance, except for Insane, who is on drums. Alex begins to play his bass with his teeth, and the Furbies grimace musically as they pound away on their matching keyboards.)

So you feel it's the end of the story
Find it all pretty satisfactory
Well I tell you my friend
This might seem like the end
But the continuation
Is yours for the making

Yes you're a hero

(Keiran, flailing around crazily, knocks the ColaPC off the table and onto the floor. The music immediately stops, and everyone stares.)

Enesku: "Can we play 'Sugar Sugar' now?"

(Begin show.)

April 21, 3003

Milkshake sits rather stiffly in a sparsely appointed office. We can see tall
ivory spires outside so we conclude, and rightly, that we're in New Atlantis. It is early summer, a beautiful day on the small geo-recovered subcontinent, and Milkshake has been waiting nearly an hour.

Our captain (sorry, Commander) seems much improved after a couple months' vacation. His eyes, though dull now from boredom, are usually bright, and there's an extra spring to his step, which we can't detect because he's sitting in a chair in front of an overly-large desk eating pretzels.

We have to wait with him barely 15 seconds before the office door slides silently open.

"Get you a beer to go with those?" a tallish grey-haired man with Admiral's bars asks as he moves to sit behind the desk. Milkshake jumps to attention.

"Admiral Vorelli." says the captain.

"Oh for god's sakes, sit down." says the Admiral. "Bad enough I deal with these grasshoppers all day then get it from a free-lancer."

Milkshake takes his seat.

"How's your leave been, Commander?"

"Not bad, Admiral, although I was wondering why you wanted me to spend half of it in your office." Milkshake tosses back.

Vorelli chuckles. "Alright, sorry. Let's get down to it. We're shipping you out. Three days from now. The Spidermobile is back in orbit, its refitted systems check out and we have a mission for you."

"Aye, sir. This have something to do with why the DoS handed us over to the Navy 'until further notice'?"

"Ah, he can be taught. Yes, it's something that falls rather heavily outside the DoS's jurisdiction, but we need the best supernormal team there is, and that's you. Now, a few minor crew roster revisions. Tupper and La Femme Superbe are going to another ship, Qua-" Vorelli looks up at Milkshake from his PADD. Milkshake's jaw is working back and forth.

"Quantum Man is...on extended leave. 5 officers are leaving, and we're giving you 6 back, none of them supernormals. One in particular you should know about, a Lieutenant Delgado. Delgado is going to have a certain running assignment on the Spidermobile, that of monitoring your redshirt...losses. Admiral Leslie jumps on my back every time she gets the latest reports from you deep-spacers, and so Delgado is one of several officers who are going to lower her blood pressure by reducing the number of 'accidents' your boys in red meet up with. Feel free to assign Delgado normal shipboard duties, but if they interfere with the redshirt tallying, make the load a little lighter."

"Yes, sir. We'll make the new officers right at home."

"Good. Oh, and we've removed your engineering control program." Vorelli says this almost as a side comment, busying himself with his PADD. Milkshake straightens up.

"You've removed Colanator? Our chief engineer? Why?"

"Security, for one." Vorelli replies. "And don't start getting angry here, there's better reasons than you realize. It's all explained in your mission packet. I can't stop you from throwing a fit, but just take for granted that it's temporary, and for the benefit of the mission. He'll be safe and sound, right here. We're giving you a very good engineer, and I know
your gin-crew is well trained, so it shouldn't be a problem."

Milkshake is clearly unhappy about this, but nods. "Yes, sir."

"All right. Your mission packet is being sent to the Spidermobile computer right now, you can pick it up there. Call in your people, you've got a lot to do."

The captain stands up. "Orders recieved, Admiral. Thanks for the pretzels."

Grant Lopez sits in his chair in the command center of the Flight Deck of the Spidership. His annual report on his pilots is several weeks over due, but thanks to the extended shore leave, he still has time before he has to deliver the report to Milkshake. He copiously copiesn information from his handwritten notes to his PADD about Red Squad and Hornet Squad. He uploads the computer's records of his own time in space and in the Simulators, he write a glowing review for Brad Plevyak in which he recomends the young junior grade lieutenant for the Assistant Flight Commander position, but then comes to a bit of a stumbling block. What to write about Alex Tacoman. After a few moments he starts like this.

Alex flies his fighter in much the same way my mother drives her hovercar through the country lanes outside of Barcelona. If you weren't aware that she'd done it invincibly every dya of her life for years, you'd be hiding in the footweel gibbering with fear instead of smiling glassly and humming Abide With Me.

He pauses, and puts down the PADD. He walks over to the monitor for the simulator room, custom built by the former Flight Commander, Jason Kiehart. Alex is once again showing off, by inviting people to watch him engage in scenarios and missions by himself that would be suicidal in the real world. He picks up his PADD and continues.

While his skill isn't in doubt, his attitude most definately is. He is an amazing pilot, the three pilots who serve as his wingmen in Banshee Three Flight trust him, and he seems able to juggle his position in the sqaud with his other duties as Weapons Officer quite well. However, he is also incredibly arrogant, and often attempts to circumvent mine or Plevyak's orders. The worst part of it all is that most of the time he doesn't even realize he's doing it. He apologizes profusely every time, but regardless I worry about what would happen if this were to occur during a bad combat situation. In fact I believe that he was having one of these 'moments' when he lost track of Ensign Boscorelli several months ago. Thankfully of course, we were able to find Bosco, but myself and my wing were captured in the process. Link to that report is included for sake of completeness.

Lopez walks over to the replicators and orders a cup of Green Tea, which he developed a taste for during his hellish nightmare of a marriage. He takes a sip, leans back, and picks up the PADD again.

I think Alex's biggest failing, is that he tries too hard to live up to the name of former Captain Tacoman, rather than trying to be himself. No one, at least no one in my flight crew, expects him to be this uber-hero type who will always save the day at the last minute. I fear that one day this unintentional arrogance could get hismelf, his wingmen, or, in a worst-case scenario, the entire LICC killed. This is why I reluctantly request Captain Milkshake put Alex on temporary psychological leave. I understand the DoS has excellent doctors who can help Alex overcome this Hero Complex. Because, as the old saying goes, we need live pilots, not dead heros.

After finishing this, the report on deceased Hornet sqaud pilot Loraine Duchant, and the reminaing members of Banshee squad, he pockets the PADD, and heads for the lift to take him to the bridge to hand it to Commander Rikard. Little doe he realize that in about three minutes, he's going to run into Captain (sorry, Commander) Milkshake.

Commander Milkshake leaves the room just as Alex, Jackson, and Butrfli emerge from another room with several PADDS in their arms.
Alex: Why didn't you tell me?
Jackson: Tell you what?
Alex: That you had visited my home dimension when you were traveling?
Jackson: I guess we just forgot about it until we got our files ready... As I said in there, I didn't reveal you were here, for dimensional and security reasons...
Alex, with a frown I guess I understand...
Just then, all three notice Milkshake. He looks at them in suprise.
Milkshake: What are you guys doing here?
Jackson: Well, after going on an around the world trip, we were called back to give briefings... Alex on his home dimension, and Butrfli and me gave them copies of our computer files about the various dimensions... It seems that they want us to go dimension hopping when needed.
Butrfli: But for now, all three of us will be back on the ship.
Alex: We were told about the removal of Colanator, but not much beyond that...

Adon sat in a nearby Officer's Mess eating a sandwich, which wasn't in itself unusual. The fact that he was sitting on the ceiling with his sandwich, drink, and other utenciles floating nearby, however, was. A low-ranking officer marched over to where Adon was sitting and yelled up at him.

Officer: "Hey! You up there! Get down here right now!"

Adon shrugged his shoulders and dropped to the floor. He did a flip on the way down, and stopped a fraction of an inch above the floor itself. Everything else remained up in the air where it was.

Officer: "What were you doing up there? Explain yourself!"

Well, I had a meeting with Commander Milkshake here today. We were going to talk about all the things that I missed while I was away. Actually, he recommended this place since he had a meeting around here. It seems that the meeting ran a little over, but since I was hungry, I got a bite to eat while I was waiting.

Officer: "But why were you sitting on the ceiling?"

That's simple. That guy over there:
Adon pointed to a much higher ranking officer glaring at him.
Told me that I wasn't allowed to set foot in this room until the Commander arrived. I was just obeying his orders.

At that moment, Commander Milkshake walked in. As soon as he crossed into the room, Adon landed on the floor.

And now that he's here, you will have to excuse me. Have a nice day.

Adon and Milkshake sat down, with the floating items obediently following him and started talking about old times.

Meanwhile, in orbit, a shuttlecraft approaches and hails the Spidership, requesting permission to dock. Once it is safely aboard, the hatch opens and out steps Lt. Delgado, a rather youngish-looking man standing a shade under six feet tall. His short brown hair is parted in the middle and stretches down his face in a series of sideburns reaching to the bottoms of his ears. He wears a crisp DoS uniform.

Delgado looks around, and thinks to himself, I guess I'd better report in.

"Computer, locate Captain... er... Commander Milkshake."

"Commander Milkshake is not on board."

Dammit!

"Okay, well, just show me to the nearest turbolift, then."

Delgado follows the computer's instructions to the turbolift and heads for the bridge.

Soft strumming on an unamplified electric guitar, a sound seemingly quite out of place in the early thirty-first century. A quiet voice, singing.

I get up in the evening, and I ain't got nothin' to say
I come home in the mornin', I go to bed, feelin' the same way

Keiran's little apartment is a mess, in stark contrast to his impeccably ordered
quarters on the Spidermobile. What's strange is he seems to prefer it this
way. The former observer sits at his small desk, feet up on the messy work
surface, his computer screen displaying the words to the old song as he
works out the chords.

I ain't nothin but tired, man I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help

The screen flashes with an incoming voicecom. Keiran glances over and hits
the acknowledge button.

"Hello?"

A familiar voice emerges from the tiny speaker of Keiran's cheap little desk computer.

"Ob...I mean, Morgan."

He smiles.

"Steve. What's the latest?"

"We're shipping out. I don't know if you were going to come--"

"I haven't told the DoS otherwise, Steve. When?"

"Saturday, twelve hundred."

"I'll be there."

"Good to have you back."

"Thanks."

"Bye."

The screen prints out END TRANSMISSION.

"Thank you for using SBT&T Communications."

Keiran goes back to his picking.

Can't start a fire, can't start a fire without a spark...

The lyrics are obscured by an IM window.

----
snal342@dos.earthgov.net: Morgan, got your message regarding the MW situation. Will discuss it when we get back to Spidermobile. Take care.
---

He reaches over to reply.

----
kam121222@terralink.ssp.com.net: thanks. see you there.
---

He clears the screen, then starts up again

This gun's for hire, even if we're just da--

The screen flashes again. Keiran groans.

"Hello?"

"Keiran-eli." The voice and the Rylian endearment suddenly change the rude
interruption into a pleasant one.

"Hey, sweets."

"How have you been? We've missed you over the last couple weeks."

"Just fine, I've missed you too. And yes, I'm still part of the team."

Artsy laughs. "Good."

There's another person with Lt.Delgado in the turbolift. He looks like a small civilian wearing a trenchcoat and a hat.

"Hey, you!"

"Who, me?"

"Pssst! Yesss.. I'm selling those nice red leather jackets. Interested?"

"Uh..."

"Come on, just 100 credits! ... 75! ... 50! ... Darn! I'll give it you for free!"

He hands the jacket over to Lt.Delgado and leaves the lift at the next stop. Shortly before arriving on the bridge the poor Lt. notices that his uniform pants are missing. The doors open and...

*FLASH*

"Welcome aboard the Spidership! And thank you for the nice picture! Har har har! Nice pants btw."

The Furby giggles. Luckily there are no other humans on the bridge to watch this scene.

A pair of shuttlecraft doors open on the Spidership's shuttlebay. We see Jadlad walking out followed by the Brady triplets.

Wow! They did a good job fixing the Spidership up. She looks like new again. I can't believe Admiral Vorelli asked that I become head of Pseudoscince again. Or that I said, "Yes".

Jennifer: "I can."

Kathleen: "Me too."

Sherry Lynn: "Me three."

He turns around and looks at them.

Hmmmmm....Why do I feel like I just caught three kids with their hands in the cookie jar?

Sherry Lynn: Uhh...Catch you later guys. I've got to go on duty soon."

Sherry Lynn runs towards the nearest turbolift.

Jennifer and Kathleen: "Wait for us!"

"Oh, bloody hell."

The somewhat-lacking-in-pants Lt. Delgado stands in the turbolift looking out at the bridge with the snickering Furbys. He quickly closes the lift door and takes his duffel from off his shoulder.

"Good thing I decided to drag this up here." He rummages around in the duffel for a while, finds another pair of pants, and puts them on. Once the duffel is closed again, he re-enters the bridge.

"Lt. Johansen Delgado, reporting for..." He then notices that no one is around.

"Oh."

I thought Lopez was on the bridge?

Well, the Furbys indicated that there weren't any humans on the bridge when Delgado arrived.

No, Lopez was on his way to the bridge, and according to the narrator, 3 minutes later he was supposed to bump into Milkshake.

Inside the Ready Room, sitting back in the office's chair, is Rikard, fast asleep. The companel beeps and he abruptly wakes up,

No! No mashed potatos!

Rikard, a little disoriented, blankly looks around the room. His head is pounding and for a second he has no idea where he is. Then he sees the inside of Spacedock through the Ready Room's window and notices the blinking companel. He quickly remembers where he is and the very enjoyable events of the previous night. With a small smile, he hits the panel.

Rikard.
Voice: Sir, Lt. Delgado has arrived. He's onboard the Spidership.
Rikard: Who?
Voice: No sir, not Who. Delgado.
Rikard: The redshirt guy?
Voice: That would be him- sir.
Rikard: Right. Thanks. Rikard out. He closes the communication.
Now, to- His sentence ends as his head falls to the desk, asleep again.

(Admiral Lesley Leslie sat nervously awaiting her Doctor's return with the test results. As soon as he entered she said)

Well?

Dr: Good news. The treatment is working successfully and your chromosones are returning to normal. You'll be a man again in a few weeks.

Oh, thank goodness! It has not been fun being a woman.

Dr: Yes, unexpected sex-changes can be quite disconcerting to the average person.

However me and the 469 other people who were affected by the Rigellian Sex-Change Virus have filed a Class -Action Lawsuit against Wacky Steve's for not following health code regulations about proper sterilization of their milkshake ingredients.

(Lt. First, entered the bridge. Her new blue outfit had a shorter skirt and more plunging neckline*. She noticed Lt. Delgado.)

Hello. I'm Lt. Carol Merril First. You are?

Delgado: Lt. Johansen Delgado.

Oh! The redshirt guy. Pleased to meet you. Don't mind me. I'm just checking some equipment.

(she turns on a nearby panel and the lights start blinking in Morse Code, "The Evil Executive is a cheap •••••••")

Well, that's working properly.

(she turns to Delgado and says with a smile)

And now for the ultimate test. Have a redshirt sit there and see how long it takes to explode.

(Delgado gets a horified look on his face. First laughs and says)

Kidding! I'm just kidding! We don't abuse redshirts like that. (pause) If we did that we wouldn't have enough left for target practice. Joking! Just joking!

(Delgado doesn't laugh)

Boy, tough room. Those jokes killed at last month's ship talent contest. (pause) Why three redshirts alone... Oh forget it.

(she left the bridge)

* Wardrobe said it would save money to use less material

One of the Evil Executive's assistants rewatches the theme sequence.
How expensive would it be to have somebody say something different each time at the end?

I thought we only showed the title sequence once a season?

Well, if we started each board- er, episode- with the sequence, that would cut down the amount of new footage we'd need for each episode...

Ansh walks onto the Bridge.

Is there anyone here who knows who the new Cheif Engineer is going to be? I was assistant but I can't take over as I'm only 13. No one's told me anything, so I suppose that means it's someone new, but who?

(Adon and Milkshake are *still* reminiscing fondly in the officer's mess. Lieutenant Peter Insane has come in, but they still don't pay any attention. Eventually he gets sick fed up of this, and takes an ever-handy balloon out of his pocket. He blows it up, then holds it above the two senior officers' heads. Then he takes up a fork in his other hand, and explodes the balloon spectacularly. This gets their attention.)

Now, if you don't mind, we should be getting up to the Spider. It is your ship, you know... Commander.

(he smirks)

I guess we should. We can continue swapping stories later. Besides, I want to test out the new comm system I had them install during the ship's refit.

Delgado looks at Ansh


"Beats me. I'm new here." he extends his hand. "Lieutenant Johannsen Delgado."

Just then, Alex, Jackson, and Butrfli exit from the Turbolift. Alex takes his place at weapons control.
Alex: Nothing like nice new weaponary to play with, right Jackson?
Jackson: Something like that. I'm not the weapons lover you are, remember?
Alex: Good point. It also looks like they've upgraded the fighters... New Banshees and some based on designs from my dimension...
Butrfli: I suppose I should wander down to Sickbay to see what's new...
All three notice Delgado
Jackson: So, you're our new redshirt protector... About time, too... We've lost countless redshirts over the years... soemtimes due to accidents, and sometimes...well.. let's not get into that.
Allow me to introduce this small group..
I'm Jackson Dupree, former captain of the Spidership, over there at Turbolift is my lovely wife Butrfli, and over at Percussion/Weapons is my dimensional counterpart, Alex.
Alex and Butrfli Hi. {The Turbolift arrives, and Butrfli enters.}

"Ah, yes, Captain Tacoman. I've heard a lot about you. Hello, everyone. Lt. Johansen Delgado. Yeah, I'm a little surprised that word of my mission has gotten around so quickly! Small ship, eh? Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find someone to actually report to... Computer, locate the nearest ranking officer."

"Commander Rikard is in the Ready Room."

"That'll work." Delgado goes up to the Ready Room and hits the page button on the door.

The page once again wakes Rikard up.
It's the cheese chairs! What? Oh, wait a second. Was that the door? Come on in!

Delgado enters and Rikard, still pretty sleepy, struggles to see clearly through his tired eyes.

Uh, can I help you?

"Um, I'm sorry to bother you, sir, but Commander Milkshake doesn't seem to be aboard right now. I'm Lieutenant Johansen Delgado, reporting for duty."

Well, I don't know exactly but until a new Chief Engineer is appointed the Tubbies could take over. Ok, they occasionally eat a few dilithium crystals too much and many humanoids have difficulties to communicate with them in a decent manner but otherwise they are quite versatile.

Paints Lt.Delgado's "borrowed" pants bright red.

It's just a little test, hehe.

The bridge turbolift opened and Adon walked out.

Ahh... it's good to be back here. I wonder if they finished the new comm system yet. Computer: What is the status of the new communications system?

Computer: "The systems are currently installed, bt they have not yet been activated."

Good. Computer, bring the system online.

The computer chirped, and that was the only noticable effect.

Now for a system test. Bridge to Engineering.

In Engineering, Lt. Anonymous, the first redshirt to survive long enough to get promoted, was working on a ladder when the call came down. He tapped his communicater and responded. As soon as he opened the channel, a two dimensional screen appeared in front of him him, showing Adon standing in front of the tactical controls. At the same time, a similar screen appeared in front of Adon, showing Lt Anonymous in Engineering.

The sudden appearance of Adon's image startled Lt Anonymous and he fell off of the ladder, down into a deep pit inconviently located below him, with the screen following him down, relaying an image of his demise to the bridge.

Adon quickly closed the channel just before impact, and both screens vanished. He looked around sheepishly.

I guess it works.

Oh-oh, I think the new Lt. will not be happy to hear about this new redshirt accident.

For a few seconds, Rikard stares at Delgado with uncomprehending eyes. Then he remembers.
Oh, of course! Lt. Delgado. One of our new officers. Welcome aboard. I'm Commander Rikard, the ship's first officer. Rikard sticks his hand out.

Delgado shakes Rikard's hand

"Thank you, sir. I have to say, it's an honor to be here. The Spidership isn't the most famous ship in the Department for nothing!

"But I should let you get back to... whatever it was you were doing. Who should I see about my quarters?"

A redshirt who happens to be in the Ready Room hands Delgado a bunch of coins. Upon inspecting them, Delgado notices that they are... a bunch of quarters.
Word of you arrival has spread among the redshirts. We took up a collection, and all anybody had were quarters for some reason. Anyway, it's nice to have somebody looking out for us.
The redshirt turns to leave and begins to trip on a bananna peel that somebody left. As he falls, he is caught by Delgado.
Thanks again!
With that, he exits without incident. Later, he accidently wanders into the Scpipt holding area and is mangled.

Just then Jadlad dimension hops right in front of Commander Adon.

Hi there! Lt. Jadlad reporting for duty.

He makes his way to the new Pseudoscience station.

Oooooooo!! What does this button do?

He presses it and on his monitor he sees everybody in Engineering turn into copies of Angus McGonagle, the Gargling Argyle Gargoyle. Then they begin gargling Gershwin.

He releases it, and they all turn back to normal.

Coooooooool.

I wonder what happened to that temporary replacement? Oh well, better check the redshirt quotas....

The Communications screen on the bridge of the Spidermobile flashes to life. Rocket Ranger is on it, wearing his Pilot Armor, and appears to be sitting in the pilot's seat of the SnowCrane.

Rocket Ranger reporting in. Wayne finished installing some systems upgrades to the ThunderWolf and the SnowCrane....with Kent's help. And we're good to go.

He pauses.

We heard about Colanator, and Wayne would like to offer his services if your engineers need any help.

Arrr! It seems that the DoS decided that they wanted a Scottish/Irish/UndecideableNorthern/WesternBritish accent, so I be yer new Engineer!

Ye'd better be a-stayin' away from me, Pepperman!

Wow, the Furbies, then Wayne, now this Angry Fisherman... Maybe they'll settle the engineer position through a battle to the death!

You know we have Engine Ears.

rimshot

Oh, God, that's terrible...

runs, tries to jump out a window, but they're a little harder to break on the Spidership, so he ends up smacking up against he window instead, knocking himself unconscious.

(Onto the bridge come Robot Redshirt*, Redshirtmon** (without Ensign Tai), Redshirt Cubby***, one of the surviving Redshirt Jar-Jar Binks**** and a redshirt with two heads, four arms and a tail*****.)

Weesa hearsa dat da redshirt guy wassa here and weesa decided to come up and saysa hi. (said Redshirt Jar-Jar, unfortunately he leans on a console catches a computer virus and de-rezzes out of existence.) Ohsa, nosa! Aaaaaaa.....

* introduced on LICC2 XXIII

** transformed into a tiny tyrannosaur digimon on LICC2 XLVIII

*** only 40% of him survived the Spidermobile time travelling on LICC XIII

**** all 48 redshirt Jar-Jars were introduced on LICC2 XXIII

***** he was mutated by a fragment of a powerful crystal on LICC XV

A redshirt with glasses is walking on the outer hull of the spidership, wearing a spacesuit (duh). Instead of a normal communicator, he has one that has to be held up to the ear.

Can you here me now? pauses Good.

Takes a step.

Can you here me now? pauses Good.

Takes another step.

Can you here me now? pauses Good.

Takes yet another step.

Can you here me n....

Suddenly, the magnetic plates in the boots of his spacesuit fail, and he floats off into the nearest sun (Saying "Can you hear me now?" (Pause) "Good" the entire way!, where he is burnt to a crisp!

Walking on the hull of the Spidership another redshirt in a spacesuit suddenly stops when he hears a hissing sound

Oh, No! I hope that's a snake and not an air leak!

Fortunately for the redshirt it was a snake. A snake which had been sleeping in his suit. A venomous snake which angry at how cramped the suit is bites him

Owww!

Aww, man! Now I wish it was an air leak!

And in answer to the redshirt's wish the snake sinks it's fangs into the suit which starts leaking air

Oh, Jeez! I wish I was never born.

The redshirt suddenly vanishes into non-existence as it turns out he was never born in the first place

It's alright Lieutenant. I wasn't really doing anything important. Crewman Binks and RR will show you to your quarters.

Notices the unconscious redshirt.
And, uh, we'll get him to Sickbay.

Talking into the phone...

Get me the writers in here right NOW!!!!! What? .... I don't care if they're in an audience with the Pope! I want them now! Or they're fired!

Before Delgado can depart, the turbolift doors swoosh open, and Milkshake makes his (belated) entrance.

A holographic comscreen opens, and an image of a little orange bird chirps "Captain on the bridge!"

Milkshake immediately extends his hand to Delgado, and they shake warmly. "Lt. Delgado, welcome aboard Spidermobile. Oh hey there, Number One! Everything under control?"

So... Milkshake came onto the bridge and interacted with Delgado, even though Delgado was in the Ready Room with Rikard?

Hold on, man, just wait 'til they explain it.

to Rikard

"Ah, thank you sir."

The grand lot of them left the Ready Room, and the two redshirts prepared to take Delgado to his quarters. However, Milkshake appears just after they step onto the bridge. After Rikard responds to Milkshake, Delgado says,

"Thank you, sir. I assume you've been briefed on my mission here? I think I'll need some time with your senior staff to go over things."

The writers show up in EE's office.

What's this I hear about protecting redshirts? Look at this chart!!

EE shoves a chart in front of the writers.

See here? This is a ratings chart. See where it peaks? That's where we had the most redshirt deaths! See these low ratings? No redshirt deaths!

I want ratings! Do you hear me? Big ratings! I want ratings that will make the Super Bowl look like a toilet bowl! Now MOVE!

Commander, I've been looking over the planetary database and found something interesting...
It seems that there exists a Planet of the Redshirts, where some redshirts originate. It also is the place where redshirt seeds form...
It also has lots of natural disasters, orbits a decaying sun, and is in a area of lots of ion storms.
Well, that would go a long way to explain why there are so many redshirts around...

"Yes I have, Lieutenant. Take all the time you need. And that's...interesting, Alex. Make a note in the navigation log, let's never go there."

"Thank you, sir. The staff briefing can wait until we're about to get underway. For right now I'd probably be best if I got myself unpacked and got my duty schedule straightened out. So, if you'll excuse m-- Aagh!"

A sudden bolt of pain stabs its way through Delgado's forehead. He falls to his knees, dazed

"What... was... that?"

And suddenly Delgado feels two heavy gauntleted hands on his shoulders.

"You alright, Lieutenant? Adon, call Sickbay." Milkshake says.

Right. Medical Emergency on the Bridge!

Adon went to a nearby bulkhead and removed the medkit from the wall, just as a team from Sickbay appeared to help Lt Delgato. Adon handed them the medkit and explained what just happened.

Man, the Sickbay people are so incompetent! Everyone knows Delgado's the one that's injured, yet the blueshirts show up and start treating Delgato!

Lopez, who also came out of the turbolift with milkshake (who holds Lopez's report in his hand), walks over to Delgado. "So, you're the new guy eh? Flight Commander Grant Lopez," he says, extending his hand.

Once the confusion is cleared up, the medtechs get Delgado into a sitting position on the bridge. His cheeks are still a little pale but he appears to be fine otherwise.

"It was weird, like I suddenly had this spike jabbed into my forehead. But I feel all right now, really..."

One of the medtechs has been running a tricorder over Delgado.

"Well, everything looks fine here. Heightened levels of adrenaline, of course, but nothing to suggest a serious problem. Are you sure you don't want to come to Sickbay?"

"Well... I don't think so... I mean, I don't think going would help anything. I'm fine, really. I promise I'll go in if anything like this happens again. I think it might be best if I got to my quarters."

Oh, I'll pick up your quarters, sir. She then proceeds to pick up the quarters that Delgado dropped.

Oh, wait a minute. One rolled under this console. As she reaches under the console the camera view switches to underneath the console and we see her hand narrowly avoid sparking wires, sharp pieces of metal, and loose scpipts, then the camera cuts to her face.

Aha. Got it! She then gets up and gives the quarters back to Delgado, just before noticing that there is a rabid dust bunny hanging on to her sleeve.

Noooooooo! Bunnyyyyyyyyy! And she runs off the bridge while being attacked by the vicious dust bunny.

(Outside the K-NIT offices a group of protestors form up.)

Spokesman with bullhorn: We believe that it is wrong to show the pain and suffering of helpless redshirts as entertainment! We will picket your studio and boycott your advertisers until you bring a halt to this barbaric practice. And in a show of solidarity we are all going to wear red shirts!

(Unfortunately as soon as they got the red shirts on the evil executive ordered boiling oil poured from the ramparts.)

Man, we haven't had any redshirt accidents since December, now here in April we've had several right in a row.

(Onto the bridge carrying several cleaning supplies is the LICC Janitor)

Man the people who refurbished this ship made have made improvements, but they left a terrible mess to clean up.

(He sticks a vaccuum cleaner hose under the consoles and begins sucking up dirt, loose screws, sparking wires, sharp metal, hiding scpipts and dangerous dust bunnies.)

I found a snake sleeping in a spacesuit, a Frank grenade in a bathroom on C-Deck, portable holes all over the floor in Engineering and do you know what I found in Zen-Forward?

(No one guesses)

FRUITCAKE! (Audible gasps) Fruitcake was declared a hazardous waste in 2074! You'd think some people would know that by now.

(Grumbling he leaves the bridge)

6302 AD, Eco ship Terra, Maximum Security Prison

Several members of the Legion of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions* were assisting prison officials in the investigation of the breakout that had happened several hours before**. Energerang, current leader of LICC, spoke with the warden when he was suddenly interrupted by a dramatic flash of light.
"What do we have so far?"
"What the..." Energerang & the warden spun around. "Cyber 9? You're on vacation."
The former leader of LICC answered, "I can't rest if it involves the X-CwX***."
"I suppose you can't." Energerang said to his friend, then proceeded to inform him of what they knew.
"Sounds like GH5."
"You know him?" asked the warden, his eyestalks wavering.
"I know of him." From out of his ocular implant a three-dimensional image formed of the Funky Horror and his cat. "He was a product of the Genetic Horrors division." The image switched to show the Funky Horror fighting a dozen opponents and winning. "Very strong and agile. An expert fighter. Enhanced psychic abilities. Laser vision. Ability to change to a canoid form."
"No cybernetic implants?"
"A few, but the Genetic Horrors division was more interested in organic improvements unlike the Cyber division which focused on mechanical improvements." Cyber 9 answered.
"So why wasn't he used? He seems unlike any X-CwX ever used in the war." asked Energerang.
"He refused to kill. Rather he refused to kill opponents who had been defeated. He was capable of killing if need be, but as his training progressed he would find ways to defeat an opponent non-lethally. The Overlord**** didn't like that and deemed him a failure. Ordered him locked up and the GH division was to find out what made him defective, by dissection if necessary."
"Obviously that never happened."
"No. He disappeared without a trace. The GH division was dissolved, its resources being added to the Cyber division and GH5 was declared an enemy to be destroyed on sight."
"So why has he freed the X-CwX prisoners?" asked the warden.
"We'll have to ask him when we catch him." stated Cyber 9.

* The LegionICC was first encountered when the LeagueICC went to the 64th Century in LICCs XII & XIII

** LICC 2 XXXI

*** Cyber 9 was a X-CwX who rebelled against his programming and helped the Human League to fight the X-CwX.

**** Taconator

6302 AD, The Funky Horror's Hidden Base

"Welcome to your home away from home." The Funky Horror said to the assembled X-CwX.
Brainioid* asked, "You are an enemy of the X-CwX. Why did you rescue us?"
"Well, I don't remember you complaining while I was freeing you."
"Porf! Noit! He has a point there, Brainioid." Indexo commented.
Since Brainioid could not zap Indexo with 47,000 volts he was forced to physically hit him. To the Funky Horror he said, "Why shouldn't we destroy you?"
"The fact that the Human Union removed your abilities to morph and form weapons? Besides that whole 'enemy of the X-CwX' is over. I'm here under direct orders from the Overlord himself. I've reformed my ways and he's accepted me back into the fold." The Funky Horror lied**.
"Why should we believe you? What proof do you have that you're working for the Overlord?" Brainioid demanded.
Aztiram the cat leapt onto the table that Brainioid & Indexo are on. "Isn't freeing you and not letting Aztiram eat you proof enough?"
Indexo gulped, "Proof enough for me, boss." and moved closer to the Funky Horror while keeping an eye on the cat.
Brainioid swept his mouse arm back toward the other non-mice X-CwX. "Can your cat eat them as well?"
The Funky Horror smiled, hit some buttons on a pentcorder*** and a three-dimensional image of Overlord Taconator formed. All the X-CwX snapped to attention. "My loyal minions. The time has come to rebuild the X-CwX Empire! Our rightful place is as rulers of the Universe." In the image The Funky Horror steps into the shot next to Taconator. "In my absence you will follow Genetic Horror #5, or die."
As one the X-CwX snapped, "Yes my Overlord!"
The Funky Horror thought, 'Oh, the joys of programmed obedience combined with image and voice manipulators.'
Brainioid sheepishly apologized, "I'm sorry for doubting you, sir."
"Perfectly understandable. If you had accepted me without question I would have thought that the Human Union reprogrammers had overcome your loyalty to the Overlord."
Indexo looked back & forth nervously, but in a rare moment of intelligence remained silent.
"First order of business is to re-establish your morphing abilities and get to work rebuilding a new X-CwX army."
As one the X-CwX replied, "Yes, sir!"

* Brainioid & Indexo first appeared on LICC XII

** This scene takes place prior to the Funky Horror going back in time and freeing Taconator from the black hole on LICC 3 XXXV

*** Future version of a tricorder

6302 AD, Eco ship West Dakota, Nagrom Resort & Spa

Hairy Kim* heard the door open and said, "Back already? I thought you were... Who are you?"
Standing there was a golden furred canoid. "The wolfman of your dreams, beautiful."
"But... but..." She found herself lost in his eyes as he psionicly charmed her and allowed him to get close to her. However when he pulled a tuft of her fur out she snapped out of the spell and the anthropomorphic legionnaire sprung into action.
Although a top-ranked mistress of the neoninja arts only her first blow caught him by surprise. After that he rolled with, blocked, or evaded, whatever move she used against him, be it the Flying Furry Fist Of Fury, the Arcturan Tail Whip, the Mohoward Claw Strike or even the Trafalgar Tornado Twist. Most annoying of all, he seemed to enjoy this. The room was nearly trashed from the fight.
She used a Reverse Kangaroo Kick with a Kirbian Clawbber, but he used Batusian Backflip and grasped her in a Ganymede Grizzly Grab.
"This has been fun" he said. "But I must be going." and was about to apply a Novan Nerve Pinch when Kim emitted an ear-splitting howl.
He flinched and she threw him over her shoulder. He grabbed the chandelier, spun around and released so he landed one foot on the back of a still standing chair and one foot on the seat and rode it as it toppled back to the floor, took a few steps to stop and with a smile and a wave said, "Ta ta for now." and warped the time/space continuum. Kim was in the middle of a Flying Devil Spin when he faded away and she crashed through the wall behind where he had been.

* Hairy Kim, an anthropomorphic member of the LegionICC, first appeared on LICC XII

(Lt PD Insane has also entered the bridge.)

Cap- Jackson, what are you doing here?

Rikard responds to Milkshake.
Yes sir, I believe everything is in working order. If all goes as planned, we will depart on schedule.

Well, Pete, I'm here in much the same way Frangelica was after I took over...general crew member. Butrfli's down in Sickbay, by the way, being the Doctor's assistant. As I mentioned to Steve earlier, Butrfli and I are on call by the DOS to investigate parallel universes when needed, and right now, we're not needed.

Two LICC writers discuss the latest mandate from the EE

Writer 1: So, how exactly are we supposed to amp up the redshirt deaths?

Writer 2: I dunno, but we should probably do something about this Delgado character.

Writer 1: Absolutely. But we can't just drop him, can we?

Writer 2: Maybe we can just kill him off quickly and forget he ever existed.

Writer 1: I dunno... the guy's got a contract. We should ask you-know-who...

and they trepidly approach the EE's office...

Hey lady, couldn't you use the door instead of coming through the wall?

As the two writers approach the Evil Executive's office a voice booms out

Halt, peasants! What business have you here?

They explain they want to speak to EE

Approach and answer three questions first!

They approach the Secretary's desk and she puts down the bullhorn

Do you have an appointment?

Writers: No.

Do you have a gift for me?

Writers: No. The secretary does not look pleased at this answer

You don't plan to do him any harm, do you?

Writers: No! She looks less pleased at this answer.

Well then you'll just have to wait until I feel like letting you through. She picks up the bullhorn Now sit!

Alex: Commander, weapons and such check out and reading normal.
Butrfli, over the COMM: Medical systems check out.
Jackson: I can take Pseudscience... After a quick check everything checks out here.

Adon taps a few keys.

Our checking account is balanced. We're ready to go.

After being shown to his quarters, Delgado feels a bit better. He pulls a number of items out of his duffel, clothes, PADDs, etc, and gets them stowed away. Then, he looks through the PADDs he brought and selects two.

"Great. Back to the bridge."

TB:

Hi! I'm a 30 second bomb!
Hi! I'm a 29 second bomb!

The Evil Executive interrupts the bomb.

Look, you're in the wrong place. Go over to the LICC4 set now. You bring in the ratings and the ad bucks! The fans love you! Now go!

The talking bomb disappears, and rematerializes in Delgado's quarters...

Hi! I'm a 30 second bomb!
Hi! I'm a 29 second bomb!
Hi! I'm a 28 second bomb!
...

The EE pushes a button on his speakerphone.

Janice? Don't let anyone else in here without an appointment!

He adds evilly,

Or would you rather be working on that Kwista-whatever special?

Milkshake looks around the bridge.

"All ready? Good. Number One, will you lay in a course to Procyon, Warp 3, and engage? Computer."

The holowindow with the orange bird opens again.

"Yello!"

"Um, er...call the senior staff to the conference room for mission orders."

"Righto!"

Milkshake shakes his head. "We need Colanator back."

With that, he and the present members of the senior staff head to the conference room, and the auxillary bridge crew takes their stations.

(PD Insane goes over to a replicator on the bridge)

One packet of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs. Wait, make that Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs Lite.

(The packet materialises in the replicator. PD Insane reaches in and gropes around for a while.)

Yes!

(He pulls something out)

A geniune 21st Century glow-in-the-dark official police badge!

(He takes the packet through to the conference room, arriving late)

Delgado is just about out the door when the talking bomb materializes in his room.

"Uh-oh."

Springing into action, he rushes back, finds his duffel, and begins rooting around frantically.

"Hi! I'm a 25 second bomb!
Hi! I'm a 24 second bomb!
Hi! I'm a 23 second bomb!"

From the duffel, he pulls out a heavily shielded box and stuffs the bomb inside. He fumbles with the latches but manages to get the box shut and locked before the countdown reaches zero. When it does, there is a muffled "BANG!" and the box shakes a little.

"Boy, you never know what will come in handy."

Delgado hears Milkshake's page and decides to take the box and the two PADDs along with him to the conference room. He gets there just behind Insane.

"Sorry I'm late- I had a little bit of trouble. Can anyone explain why the internal sensors don't register the presence of talking bombs as they beam onto the ship?"

Milkshake takes his seat at the head of the table, which is an exact copy of the Enterprise-D's conference table, down to the scratches caused when Worf's anti-depressants wore off.

"Well, probably because they're constructed of Anti-Anti-Plotonium-Plotonium. The molecular makeup of that proto-element is so strange the sensors can't detect it."

Jackson: Problems with Talking bombs, Steve? Sounds like old times, right? But seriously, what's going on?
Alex: Yes sir, what?

Note: Jackson has something of a right to be in the conference room... He may not be the Fearless Leader anymore, but he's still a part of the crew... Call him an outside observer or something, I don't know...

"Hold on, we're not all here yet. Computer, repeat that staff call."

"Righto!"

Quincy K. Rocket suddenly appears in the conference room, teleporting into the room in a quick flash of teal-colored light. He is wearing the uniform he had on when he boarded the Spidership, except for the jacket. His shirt is sort of a purple t-shirt, but not quite, with the Galactic Order emblem in silver and purple on the left breast, and the silver and teal wristbands he uses to access his armor are on his wrists (who'd a thought of ever wearing those there?!)

So, what's going on?

Note: Head Gadgeteer (Chief of Gadgetry, but "Head Gadgeteer" sounds better) and Galactic Order Liason

Lopez steps up next to Delgado. "Hi again. Last time I tried to introduce myself you were on your way to sickbay. I'm Flight Commander Grant Lopez." Again, he extends his hand in a friendly gesture. While Delgado is shaking his hand, Lopez notices out the corner of his eye that Commander Milkshake has left his report on the pilots on the arm of the Captain's Chair, and that it's about to fall off.

"Hi, Commander Lopez!"

to Jackson

"Well, I had one beam into my quarters right as I was leaving. Must be a prank on the new guy."

Delgado shakes Lopez' hand

"Yeah, sorry about that. I was a little out of sorts. Nice to meet you."

he approaches Milkshake and hands him one of the PADDs he carries.

"These are the official orders placing me under your command."

In the conference room, Jadlad speaks.

Well, I'm right here Commander. I heard the staff call. Am I invisible or something?

Jadlad tries looking at himself, and discovers he IS invisible.

Awwww man. I hate it when this happens! I suppose I should be thankful somebody didn't try to sit in my chair considering I'm in it.

Don't worry about this Commander Milkshake. It happens from time to time. It's a side effect from my dimension hopping. It doesn't last long.

Don't worry, we're used to Talking Bombs. When we were searching for Frangelica, our first leader, we had Annoying Talking Bombs just about every other week. We never did find out where they came from, though...

Adon stands up.

I'm Commander Adon. I used to be the Chief Tactical Officer, but that was awhile ago. Due to my random and somewhat frequent vacations due to having to deal with problems in other Dimensions, I don't know if I still have that posting or not. So I just hang around at meetings like this and look important.

Lopez leans over to Milkshake, and whispers in his ear, "Should we tell him about our, *cough*, 'off-ship' personel, or would that be taking the risk of blowing Mr. Kiehart's cover?" He is of course referencing the fact that while officially no longer a member of the LICC, Jason Kiehart still works for them as an 'independent computer speicalist', re: hacker, who makes raids on TerSec files and databases from random locations, before returning to his full time home of Andafi, home of the Andafi Matriarchy.

Rikard shakes his head mumbling to himself as he sits down.
We might as well just destroy all doors, no one ever uses them.

He speaks up. Annoying Talking Bombs. Ah, good times, good times.

Note: Are we all putting notes now? Anyway, the first officer and sometimes helm officer. When available, the squadron commander of Hornet Squadron (the yellowshirted squad). When not available, Ensign Gran'shelz is.

The door opens and in comes a chair, "Sorry I'm late! Sorry I'm late!"

It takes a spot at the table. "I didn't miss anything, did I?"

Note: I have nothing to note.

Commander....s, before we receive our orders, I think you should be filled in on the status of a few members of the ship's crew....

12 of 10 (Assigned to Stellar Cartography and also helps run the Botany Lab - Former X-cW-X liberated by Rocket Ranger) and Ensign Snewtipantz (Blueshirt with no set job - Thinks of himself as a Morale Officer type, but isn't) are busy reorganizing the ship's Botany Lab. When the Spidermobile was refitted, the workers screwed up the lab's layout, and a lot of equipment was rearranged some of it just plain misplaced. 2 of the 5 Vamascadan Blood Orchids and all of the samples from Klata III were also destroyed, unfortunately.

Poke-A-Man (Junior Officer in charge of Poking Things) has been confined to Sickbay with Ersurian Tickle-Flu, and will be unavailable until he recovers from the symptoms.

Ojanon is still on indefinite leave. Probably off on another diplomatic mission for the Lifeblood Sorcerers.

Pauses

And Crimson Crossbow's resignation from LICC was made final as of 0600 hours yesterday.

Milkshake takes the PADD. "Alright, Lieutenant." He checks it over as Lopez whispers to him. "No, maybe later." he replies. The remaining senior staff members (you know who you are) enter and take their seats, and the doors slide firmly closed.

Milkshake stands. "Everyone here? Good. Computer, download and play Mission Order 1441."

"Rawk!"

A holographic image appears above the table. A satellite of some kind, quite large in structure, with two antennae mounted at either end. A deep voiceover begins to play.

"The Gagarin Subspace Telescope. Launched in March of 2999 by the Department of Stellar Science at a cost of nearly 300 billion credits, it now resides just outside the orbit of Pluto. Its mission is to capture deep-space subspace signals, and has been proven to scan to a range of thousands of light years."

The image of the satellite disappears, replaced by a dense starmap. One remote star is bracketed.

"Shannon. A remote G-type star at the edge of the Orion Arm. Last month the Gagarin Telescope, while probing this sector, uncovered vast amounts of subspace chatter. The location was too far off for any valuable data to be recovered, but the carrier wave information was intact, and sent to the Dusktorms Institute for analysis. Their report was chilling."

Three visual 3-D representations of subspace carrier waves appear in the air. Three captions suddenly appear below them. BLUE FUGATE, reads one. X-CWX, says another. And finally, O'KAKIAN.

"The Gagarin has since continued to probe the Shannon sector. Chatter recovered has increased by nearly 87%. From this, the administration has concluded that there is a hostile allied fleet massing near Shannon. For what purpose, unknown. A possibility that cannot be ignored is the theory that Taconator may be leading them. For this reason, a preemptive strike has been ordered on the Shannon system.

The Spidermobile is hereby ordered to rendezvous at certain coordinates outside Procyon with elements of the newly created 46th Battle Fleet, then proceed directly to Shannon using stealth, make a surprise attack and destroy all enemy units. This transmission ends...now."

The hologram dissipates.

Milkshake clears his throat. It's impossible to tell his expression through the faceplate, but possible to guess.

Keiran whistles in surprise.

"What are these fleet elements we're supposed to meet?"

That would certainly explain the new weapons we have. From what I've seen, we've got new, more powerful Quantum Torpedos, a bank of Polymoph Weapons, several torpedos designed to destroy a planet... the list goes on and on. To an outside observer, it would look like we would be ready for war.. against very powerful enemies.

Yawn. Not those guys again.

Pauses.

Is there anything valuable in this system? Any precious artifacts, innocent civilisations or endangered species? If not then I could contact the Furby homeworld. The Department of Destruction there has recently developed a giant superweapon that can blow away whole star clusters very precisely from a huge distance.

Any opinions on that?

looks at Furby

Yes. No.

"And I'm not entirely sure about our allies in the Procyon system. All I know is that they consist of precisely two ships, which doesn't raise my confidence level one iota."

Is the system inhabited? If so, its inhabitants should be given a warning to stay on-planet. Space won't be safe. Unless, of course, they're willing to ally themselves with us...?

Milkshake peruses the additional mission info on his PADD.

"There's really no hard data on the system, besides type of star. Unknown if there's any inhabitants, planets...it's just too far away. They're recommending we use the Bad News Drive for this assignment, which our escorts will also be equipped with."

Do we know who the two ships are?
May I suggest that anybody that has their own ship in this group that can fight be ready to. I'm thinking of Adon and his fighter/robot, the ThunderWolf, the Furbies's fighter, ect, ect...In fact, I think my ship is battle-worthy.

"We will when we get there, Jackson. And I suppose we should hold off on assignments until we approach the system and know what we're dealing with. Anyway, I'll make an announcement on the overhead and let the crew know what a plum assignment we've been given. Let's go to work, folks."

Hmmmm.....looks like it may get field-tested sooner than I thought....

Everyone looks at Quincy, obviously wondering what he's talking about.

I recently acquired...through some wheeling and dealing....one of the new model Zeistjager stealth fighters. As most of you may know, the Zeistjager is more or less good only for recon and surveillance missions, because it sacrifices firepower for stealth and defense. (pauses) Well, I've made some modifications to the Zeistjager that I have....with Wayne's help, that is. The ship's cockpit has been removed entirely to make room for more weaponry and it is piloted by remote control instead of the pilot being physically on-board the ship.

Presses a button, and a 3d schematic of the customized Zeistjager appears.

The normal Zeistjager's armament consists of only two forward facing turbolasers, a Quantum Torpedo launcher with only one round of ammo, and two rear facing turbolasers. However, THIS Zeistjager has 6 foward facing turbolasers, a Quantum Torpedo launcher with 3 rounds of ammo, two Hyperion class armor-piercing particle accelerator cannons, and three rear facing turbolasers. Plus the basic cloaking device has been changed so that is can also work as a phase cloak.

Pauses.

Does anyone want to volunteer to fly it? The control chair is in my laboratory.

I volunteer, and I have a suggestion for it...
Is it possible to connect the chair to holodeck controls? That way, the pilot has the feeling of being in the cockpit itself instead of just sitting in a chair playing a real life video game...
Unless, of course, I'm needed at Bridge weapons controls.

Geez, sounds more like a strike cruiser than a fighter...

Milkshake nods approvingly while collecting his PADDs.

"A phase cloak, beautiful. Let's just hope Taconator's not ready for us to possess technology like that.

And seems to me a real-time holodeck remote control simulation would eat up quite a bit of processing power, but we just might be able to spare it. I'll check with our new engineer."

Grant Lopez, now back in the flight deck, orders his pilots to get ready. "We could be flyingout any second, I want to be ready to drop ship BEFORE the Cpatain gives the order. Now move!" He shuts off the intercomm to the pilot's lounge, then grabs his own flight gear. He looks at his new second-in-command on the flight deck, Brad Plevyak, newly promoted to full Lieutenant. "Well Brad, I guess we'll get to test those new upgrades on the Banshees sooner than we thought." "And what about that new weapon Alex had added to Hornet Sqaud? It's quite a doozy." "What new weapon? I didn't authorize that. I didn't even hear about it." Plevyak gulped. "Alex said he'd gotten approval FC." Lopez groans. "I'll have to punish him of course. Cleaning Red Squad fighters is the elast desirable job in the Flight area. And it's what Kiehart used to do to smart-asses like Alex. But I'll wait until AFTER the current situation, cause we'll need him out there. Tell me about the new weapon." "It's called a Hellbore sir. It's based off a ficitonal weapon of the same name from a strategy game called Star Fleet Battles. It essentially rolls over an enemy's sheilds searching for the weakest point. When it finds it, the energy detonates. The beauty part is any section of shield it rolls over while looking for the weak point gets scratched up good too. The downside is, and there's always a downside for •••• that powerful, is that it loses energy as it travels, so it's best to use it at close range. 8 klicks or closer." Lopez winces. "8 klicks? That well within range of most anti-fighter weapons in the known galaxy." Plevyak shrugs. Lopez scrathces his chin. "OK, I think I have a plan. Get Alex down here, and bring me the Flight leaders for Hornet squad. We'll meet in the SitRoom*."

* = SitRoom stands for Situation Room.

Lt. Delgado watches Lopez leave the meeting.

"Um, sir, does this mean my mission presentation is off?"

Actually, Lt. Commander, the control chair for the Zeistjager is essentially a self-contained holodeck.

And Commander Rikard, the ship doesn't qualify as a strike cruiser because of two things: Its size, and the fact that all the turbolasers can't be fired at once. Only two of the forward turbolasers can be fired at a time. That way the other turbolasers have time to cool down properly between firing cycles.

Pauses.

I'll notify Wayne and Kent to board the ThunderWolf right away. I'll fly the SnowCrane separately, instead of combining the two ships right away.

ROCKET POWER!!!

Quincy slams his wristbands together, and there is a quick flash of teal colored light. When the light fades, he is wearing the Rocket Ranger Pilot Armor.

Impressive. I've definitly got to see the ship and the control chair. I bet I could make great use of the phase cloak.
COMM: Alex Dupree, please report to the Flight Deck SitRoom.
Alex: Acknowledged. I think we're almost done with this meeting.

My Combat Suit was retrofitted to be able to use the new F.A.S.T. packs before I came back during that little space fight incident. You know, the breakaway armor, weapons and engines that the suit was using when it first arrived?

As Adon spoke, holoscreens opened up behind him, each displaying a different add on, be it armor plating, additional engines, sensors, and weaponry, as well as a list of statistics.

I'll begin replicating the heavy assult configuration for the suit. It will be locked in fighter mode though, at least until it sheds the armor and weapons. Unfortunatly, they can't be reattached in the field. Unless, of course, you recomend some other pre-set configuration: stealth, defensive, long range, or sensor. We could design a custom arrangement, but those take time to develop, and are somewhat risky if the mass is not properly balanced.

The chair thinks to himself, 'Wow! This is great info. My boss will really reward me!'

6302 AD, Legion Of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions Headquarters*

(In the main meeting hall of the LegionICC a montor reveals the location of all 47 members. Most have assembled for the meeting, some are 'attending' the meeting via 3-dimensional projectors over their individual workstations, some, for various reasons are unable to attend or monitor the meeting.)

As some of you may have heard the X-CwX whom we had captured last year** have been freed. What you may not have heard was that they were freed by a rebel X-CwX.

(Gasps from various members)

We should be on alert for any possible attacks and...

(Cyber 9's attention is distracted as a 3-dimensional image of a bandaged and bruised Hairy Kim appears at her station)

What happened?

Hairy Kim: I was attacked by a psychic, golden-furred canoid who is an expert fighter and has somekinda teleporting ability. By the way there should be a bill for the trashed room arriving soon.

(A projection of The Funky Horror in normal and canoid form appears)

Is this who attacked you?

Kim: Yes. Has he attacked anyone else?

Just some guards at the Maximum Security Prison. He freed the X-CwX prisoners.

Colanator***: When he attacked you, Kim, did he pull out some of your hair?

Kim: (She looks at Colanator, stunned) Why, yes. How did you...?

Colanator: Back in the 31st century AD**** several female crewmembers were attacked by this person and they had hairs stolen*****. The Doctor theorized****** that he wanted fresh genetic material to create a new army of superpowered soldiers.

How did he get to the 31st Century?

Colanator: Unknown. However, while I was not on that mission, the mission reports indicate that the League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions fought both Taconator and The Funky Horror...

The what?

Colanator: That is, apparently, the name he used for himself and was listed in the report. The mission started at the end of April, 3003.

(Cyber 9's green face looked more serious than ever)

I think some of us should go back into the past to find out more about this alliance between Taconator & GH... 'The Funky Horror'. If they are planning to change time the League will need our help. I volunteer to lead the mission. The rest of the Legion should stay here and be prepared for a new X-CwX attack.

Hairy Kim: Count me in. I owe him a LICCing!

* There's room for their bodies as well. :-p ;-)

** See the events of LICCs XII & XIII

*** This is a future version of Colanator

**** As opposed to the 0th Century NC (New Calendar) ;-)

***** As seen on LICC2s XXXII, XXXIX & XLIII

****** LICC2 XLIII

(PD Insane goes up to a closet adjecent to the docking bay. He opens the doors, and hundreds of small white balls fall out onto the floor, some on top of him (think: tribbles). When they have all cleared out, the PD Insane-mobile can be seen in the now almost-empty closet.)

It's about time I got this thing out of the mothballs.

"I'm sorry, Delgado, it must have slipped my mind."

punches a few commands into his PADD

"All right, I've scheduled another staff meeting for the end of the shift. We should get to Procyon not too much longer after that."