LAST TIME ON LICC...

Vacation's over, and the crew gathers back aboard the Spidermobile for an urgent mission: Locate an enemy fleet and destroy it! Taconator's possible involvement could spell DOOM for our heroes! And a new character, Lt. Delgado, watches the redshirts. What'll happen today on...LICC!?

With the Senior Staff meeting over, Alex makes his way down to the Flight Deck SitRoom.
Sorry about my slight lateness... I was at another meeting. So, what's on the agenda?

"These Hellbores of yours," Lopez says, a slight hint of indignation of his voice. "The range on them stinks. AS a general rule, short range weapons are only good on hevay assault fighters, which the League does not imploy, partly due to the cost but also because HAFs tend to be slow and steer like a cow. Not the best thing to have in close-quarters combat. However, I think I know a practical way around this problem, since we may need to imploy these weapons in the coming battle." He taps a key and a 3-D holographic display projects from the center of the table. A rough represntation of an enemy vessel, with it's engines and weapons circled in yellow, appears, along with 12 fairly small diamonds, representing the Banshee and Hornet Squadrons of the LICC. "OK, so here's how this will work. Normally, the two squadrons working in tandem, one on port and one on starboard, target the primary weapons and the engiens on an enemy vessel." A graphic represnting this commong tactic plays out, then the image resets itself. "However, because of the range limitations of the Hellbores, this would leav Hornet squad very vulnerbale to secondary, a.k.a defensive weaponry." Another graphic shows the Diamonds for Hornet Squadron getting picked apart as they attempt to close to withing 8 klicks. Inwardly, Alex kicks hismelf for pulling the strings to get the weapons to the fighters instead of to the Spidership itself as was originally intended. "So, here's what's goign to have to happen. While Red Squad, which usually goes fighter to fighter when the enemy has fighter craft, goes after the big guns, Banshee squad will take out all defensive weaponry, or at least all defensive weaponry in one part of the ship." The graphic shows a quarter of the yellow circles on the enmy ship disapearing, and the diamonds for Hornet squad positioning themselves so the other guns can't get them. "Thusly, the Hornets can close in, and use this new weapon. The weakened shields on the enemy ship will hopefully be enough to allow the Spidership," a graphic of the Spidership appears, firing at the enemy vessel. "to move in for the kill. Any questions?"

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to here it, does it make a sound?

What is the sound of one hand clapping?

Brother, can you spare a dime?

"OK, any questions from someone who isn't a total retard?"

Ensign Yellowshirt stared at the conference room door. According to the ship's chronometer and Yellowshirt's communications panel, it had been nearly 90 minutes since the sizable and secret mission packet had been accessed on the room's holoemitters. It had been nearly 20 since the senior staff, minus the captain, had left the conference room.

Ensign Culan, a pretty redhead, looked up from Science II and caught Yellowshirt's eye, wordlessly trying to cheer him up with her light demeanor. Yellowshirt was not hopeful. Yellowshirt was getting more and more alarmed by the min--

"Attention all hands."

Yellowshirt and Culan both jumped in their seats. Everyone's eyes went to the intercom speaker in the overhead of the bridge.

"This is the captain. I have recieved our mission instructions from Admiral Vorelli."

There was a pause, a very small one.

"This vessel is to proceed to an uncharted sector far in deep space, near the galactic rim. We are to stop once to rendezvous with a small Navy battle group, then we are to proceed to this sector to surprise and attack...a being that poses a great threat to the safety of Earth. This mission....will be exceedingly risky and dangerous. There is a chance that some or perhaps none of us will come out alive.

But I have faith in my crew. We are the best that Earth has to offer, and if we can draw on our abilities and skill to the fullest, I am completely confident that we will come out of this alive, and victorious. This ship will be on constant Yellow Alert after we rendezvous with the Fleet detachment. That is all."

Yellowshirt just hoped he looked more confident than he felt.

Ansh was in engineering when she heard the report. She and the Angry Fisherman had been about to toss a coin to decide which one of them should be the Acting Cheif Engineer

On second thoughts, why don't we share the job? On this mission we'll probably need a good engineer and two heads are better than one, as the saying goes, especially when the individual heads are that of a child and a Fisherman who may not have any engineering knowledge. Are you OK with that?

The Angry Fisherman agrees

Ok, I'll go and see the Captain about it.

I do have a couple of ideas...
I don't know if you've been informed about Rocket's new ship or not, but...
Alex goes on to briefly explain the bells and whistles of Rocket's fighter and Alex's part in it.
Now, with the phase cloak, I could make my way INSIDE an enemy ship and maybe do some internal damage to it. Maybe I can take out some of the shields while I'm at it.

Between meetings, Delgado decides to make the rounds of the ship, checking out where the largest concentrations of redshirts are. This trip, naturally, takes him to Engineering.

"Hey, any redshirts around?"

"Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss..."

Unfortunately, the only one working at that time was on the ladder and was startled by Delgado's query, causing him to fall into the same pit as Lt. Redshirt.

"sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss-"THUD!

"Hmmmmm... that might be something I'll put on the report."

Rikard, who is also at the meeting, shakes his head.

Unless there have been some huge advancements in phase cloak tech, the weapons phase with the ship. Any weapons you fire while your phased will be ineffective against another ship.

And just a question about those modifications you added Alex. Did you even tell Commander Milkshake about those or anyone else for that matter?

I think I may have made a report when they were installed. Let me check.
Alex uses a nearby console to look up the information.
There it is. It looks like it got filed away and never reinspected....
As for the phasing... I could just find a large enough space for the ship, dephase, do a lot of damage, and get out.

A hatch opens and alt-Furby looks around.

Well, our fighter surely is small enough to operate in hallways, turbolift shafts and control rooms. Hehe.

He crawls back and closes the hatch.

Rocket Ranger, who is also at the meeting so he knows what the general plan is, shakes his head at Alex.

Alex, I'm not sure if that's doable or not. You see, the phase cloak and most of the weapons operate off of the same power-source. When the phase cloak is deactivated, the turbolasers and particle-accelerator cannons can't be fired for two minutes afterward. Only the Quantum Torpedo Launcher can be fired immediately. You could sneak up to a ship just using the Cloaking power of the device and attack as soon as you drop the cloak. There's no delay if you only go invisible.

Had to do it that way. We tried to make the weapons fireable as soon as the phase cloak was dropped, but the phase cloak kept malfunctioning when we did that.

The phase cloak is meant to be used for defense, and, as a last resort, to phase the ship, fly it into an enemy vessel, and drop the phase cloak, either destroying both ships or destroying the Zeistjager and causing massive damage to the other vessel. (Pauses) And considering what I had to trade to acquire the Zeistjager and the time spent modifying it, anyone who does the latter better have a danged good reason, unless they want my boot up their keister!

Yes! Yes! Yes! More technobabble as dialogue! More! More! More!

Hmm.. only Quantum Torpedos work for that period...
Well, I could dephase inside a cargo or fighter bay, fire a time-delayed Torpedo, get the heck out of there, and watch the fun. I would imagine that a Quantum Torpedo explosion inside an enemy ship would do a lot of damage...
And, with the cloaking device activated, I can deliver a hellbore up close and personal...

Delgado is perched at the edge of the pit which the redshirt fell into in Engineering.

"Hmmmm... why is this here, anyway?"

He uses his PADD to bring up the specs for the Spidership. He quickly finds the Engineering section and finds no reference to a giant pit. "So... was this something they added in the retrofit?" he thinks. "Only one way to find out." He goes to a nearby equipment locker and finds a palm beacon and a tricorder, then mounts the ladder into the pit and starts down...

WAIT A MINUTE! How is it possible for ALex to be in the Fight Pilots meeting AND the Command Staff meeting at the same time?!?!?!?!

Dude, the command staff meeting is over. He's meeting with the pilots right now.

Adon's Suit was locked into fighter mode, and was hovering in the Hanger Bay, with several heavy pieces of equipment surrounding it. The hatch was open, and a thick cable ran out to a terminal set up nearby. As Adon entered data into the terminal, the equipment attached the appropriate F.A.S.T. pack to the suit, and uploaded controler data as well as made the appropriate modifications to the flight computer to compensate for the added mass.

There we go, heavy assult configuration, with a few extra engines and a beefed up Reaction Control System, just to barely keep the suit's maneuverability leves the same as they would be without all this extra hardware on it.

Heavy partical cannons, pulse lasers, and a whole lot of missiles. As well as the normal armerments. No extra armor other than the panels that the the weapons and engines are attached to.

He finished typing, and watched as the machines did their work, floating over every now and then to personally inspect the job they were doing.

On-board the SnowCrane, Rocket Ranger is at the helm, wearing his Pilot Armor.

=/\=Rocket Ranger to ThunderWolf. Alex is going to be piloting the Zeistjager. I want you two to pay close attention and give him some back-up if anything goes wrong. And hold off on using the ThunderWolf's Quantum Torpedoes. We may need them if the you-know-what hits the fan!=/\=

He finishes checking all the SnowCrane's systems, then launches the ship.

Now that the meeting was over the disguised spy felt it would be a good time to sneak off and contact his boss. He opened the door and saw two security guards there, one a ten-foot tall, giant ape-thing and the other a four-armed weightlifter from a heavy-gravity planet.
"Yikes!" He quickly shut the door. "Now what am I gonna do? I know! I'll disguise myself as a member of the crew!"
He changed shape and opened the door.
The four-armed guard said, "Ze French Knight hasn't been a crewmember for years."
"Eeeek!" the spy shut the door and changed shape again, into Mr. Obvious. He opened the door and the guards just shook their heads. The spy closed the door again. "Think! Think! Think! I've got it! She's still a member of the crew! I think?"
The spy opened the door and was grabbed by the guards. "Wait! How do you know I'm not really Sailor Evil?"
"She hasn't used that name for months." answered the four-armed guard.
"Oh, drat." said the spy as they dragged him down to the brig.

Now he's going to be "Shapechanging Spy disguised as a prisoner"!

(Shadow Senshi was practicing her knife throwing when the guards dragging the spy disguised as Sailor Evil went past the open door)

What the...?

(However this surreal moment was spoiled by the cry of a redshirt)

"Aaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Oh, no!

Oh, thank goodness, he's only wounded.

(At that moment Lt. Delgado had another sudden headache)

time passes...

Gawrsh, it's nearly time for Lt. Delgado's meeting with the senior staff.

Delgado gets to the bottom of the ladder. Just as he does so, his personl chronometer goes off, reminding him of his upcoming metting. "Well," he thinks, "I can just take a quick look around and not be late." He switches on his beacon and turns around. Beyond the bodies of the unfortunate redshirts, the beacon illuminates a rather interesting sight. With a quick tricorder scan, Delgado confirms it...

"Delgado to security! I'm inside a portable hole in engineering, and it's been filled with annoying talking bombs!"

Annoying Talking Bombs. Why did it have to be Annoying Talking Bombs.

Then his theme music starts to play and he runs past Delgado, followed by a giant rolling, boulder.

Ladies and gentlemen, Chish and Fips is proud to introduce its latest gastronomic success..... The Crunchy Crustacean Reel Deal Dinner!

First we take farm-raised lobsters, crayfish and shrimp and coat them with our own special buttermilk and cinnamon breading, add a generous helping of our famous boiled Chicken Livers and Okra Stew, and top it all off with fried sauerkraut and a kaiser roll, with your choice of a medium soft drink or our own blueberry and garlic iced tea. All this for the low, low price of $9.95.

And special for the kiddies this week, with the purchase of a Chish and Fips Young-Un's Meal, you can buy one of five figures from the last year's hit movie "Pennsylvania Smith & The Last Blockade", for the low price of $5.25. There's Pennsylvania Smith, armed with his trusty bowie knife and .45 automatic pistol, his loyal sidekick from England, Longfellow, who comes with an actual working compass and a removable backpack, Pennsylvania's journalist friend (and future biographer) Terry Slaughter, and the villainous General Von Shneer, with a magnet built into his infamous iron hand of evil and a german Luger pistol. Collect the whole set!

And due to popular demand, we are proud to announce the return of the legendary desert that won Chish & Fips acclaim at last year's Fast Food industry trade-show. That's right fans, we're bringing back our Mustard and Carrot Chishsicles!!

So stop into your local Chish & Fips today, because we put the `Sir' in `Service'!

D'oh! Ladies and gentlemen, it pains me that I forgot to mention the fifth figure in the "Pennsylvania Smith and the Last Blockade" set. The fifth figure's identity must remain a mystery for the sake of those who have yet to see this fabulous feature, which is set to be released on DVD next month. However, if you HAVE seen the movie, then the figure is a character from the end of the film.

God?

Death?

Sean Connery in a cameo appearance as King Richard III?

No, that's Patric Stewart in that cameo!

Oops! I didn't mean to post under my own name, but what the heck...

It should have been "Patrick Stewart in that cameo!"

run into Engineering

"There's the hole!"

"Let's close it!"

"Wait, Commander Whats-his-name is in it!"

"Colonel Dallas, come on out, we'll take care of it!"

Lt. Delgado climbs out of the hole.

"I don't know who else you think is in there, but it's clear now. If you'll excuse me, I should get ready for my staff meeting.

"Certainly, Captain!"

"Dope, he's not the Captain."

"Seal that hole!"

"With what?"

"Anti-Portable Hole Glue."

"Lime Jello? Right!"

the unclosed set of quotation marks trailed behind Lt. Delgado much like a drag chute, following him into the turbolift as he left Engineering. He realized the error just in time.

"

and the threat was over... or was it?

Milkshake stands up from the Captain's chair, a little stiffly.

"Alright, folks. End of Alpha Shift. All senior staff to the conference room for Lt. Delgado's briefing."

Lopez notes there aren't any more questions, but he frowns a little bit since Alex's comment was diretced towards crew members that weren't in the Pilots Meeting. I really should mention this when I recomend pshyciatric leave for him, he thinks to himself. "Hellbores are sheild-killer wepaons Alex. I thought you knew that when you ordered them. Besides, the Banshees can't cloak, let alone phase cloak! That kind of energy drain on a ship that small would be detected fairly easily, plus having one of those on a Meidum sized attack fighter would send the maneuverability rating down the toilet. As they stand, the Banshees can outfly just about any small to midsize space craft in the known multiverse. A phasing cloak would make them steer like three legged sheep in the mud."

Rocket Ranger hears Commander Milkshake's message on his helmet's comm-system.

*sigh* Why couldn't he have waited until later for this?!

He puts the SnowCrane on auto-pilot, sets the shields to deactivate then activate again ten seconds later, then teleports out, still in his Pilot Armor. He appears in the conference room a few seconds later, and looks at Milkshake.

This I have GOT to hear!

Delgado walks into the conference room.

"Well, I sure hope Security knows what they're doing about that portable hole with all the talking bombs in it." He looks at the assembled officers... all two of them, that is.

"This really shouldn't take very long. Admiral Leslie was somewhat insistent that I make sure everyone knows what I'm up to. Otherwise I probably wouldn't bother."

Hi! I'm a 30-second bomb!
Hi! I'm a 29-second bomb!
Hi! I'm a 28-second bomb!
...

"Aw, crud, I left my box back in my quarters."

Rikard notices that there seems to be a little tension between Lopez and Tacoman.

Lieutenant, Commander Dupree was talking about the phase cloak on Rocket Ranger's new figther. The one that's will be controlled by someone on the ship. The fighter that Mr. Dupree volunteered to control. He wasn't talking about the Banshees.

At that point, Milkshake's call for the Senior staff comes in over the comm.

Another meeting. I guess we should go. Rikard gets up and prepares to leave. Are you two coming?

Rocket Ranger sighs and rolls his eyes underneath his helmet at the thought of yet another talking bomb.

I'm on it.

He points at the Talking Bomb, and a small portal opens above it, sucks up the Talking Bomb, then closes. RR looks at Lt. Delgado.

No worries. I dumped it in space, and its far away enough that it will explode well before it could float near the Spidermobile.

The conference room doors open and Adon drifts in, literaly. He floats across the threshhold just above the deck. Once inside, he gently lands.

Another meeting? When are we going to get down to buisness? Oh, and I have a message from the bridge: we should be meeting with the fleet in 47 minutes.

Oh, and we seem to be having some problems with the artificial gravity right in front of that door. Engineering should send someone up to look at it.

Thanks for the bomb disposal, Quincy. All right, let's get down to it. Lieutenant?

(hails the conference room from the bridge)

Commander, there's a ship approaching and it's trying to contact us.

"Thank you, sir." Delgado brings up a 2-D chart on the screen at the front of the room.

"This chart plots the Spidership's redshirt expenditures. As you can see, they're starting to get rather ridiculous. Normally, the DoS isn't all that concerned about how much is spent on redshirts, but now there's been a somewhat unfortunate turn of events in the redshirt supply chain. As a result, redshirts are in scare supply, and the price has been rising faster than ever before. Redshirts are currently going for the appaling price of 4700 galactic standard credits per dozen, and the price hike shows no signs of stopping. Meanwhile, as you can see from the graph, the Spidership is going through them like it's going out of style. At the same time, the DoS received an request from the Galactic Department of the Underlife that some way of cutting down redshirt deaths be found, as they were running out of room. Admiral Leslie does not want the price of redshirts getting so bad that the department will be forced to cut down on more essential services, so he's entrusted me with finding a way to reduce the amount spent on redshirts here on the ship. I'll be carrying this out in two phases. The first phase will be mostly information-gathering. When I'm not on duty *cough* I'll be going around and trying to find the biggest problem areas for redshirt loss. In phase two I'll deliver a list of suggestions to Commander Milkshake. It will, of course, be up to him to see that they're carried out or not, but Admiral Leslie wanted me to strongly encourage their being implimented. He was going to come up with some specific "rewards" the ship could get in return for reducing its redshirt costs, but then he got sidetracked by that strange gender mix-up, so it might be some time before he gets back to that.

"So, what does this mean for you? Well, not a whole lot. I might be interviewing you along the way, as I gather information about redshirt losses, but normally I'll be functioning like a normal crewmember. Any questions?"

Hm. Problems with the redshirt supply? Maybe I can turn some reusable accident victims into zombies that can continue their work for a while until they fall apart. Some perfume should help too.

Lopez walks up next to Rikard. "Sir, before I start prepping my fighter, I'd like to talk to you about Alex. He's a good pilot, without a doubt, but like I said in my report to the captain, I'm a litle worried about his ego." Rikard nods, but continues walking. "I'll read the report!" he shouts as the turbolift doors close. Lopez nods. Then, suddenly, a thought strikes him. "Of course! Whjy didn't I think of this sooner! I'll have to run it by Mr. Rikard, but it could solve a few problems. Lopez to Alex Tacoman, report to Hornet Squad prep area immediately. I'll meet you there."

Yes, Lt. I have a question. Is the DoS investigating ACME Redshirt Supply? We purchase our redshirts through them, based on a longterm contract, signed by the DoS.

Minutes earlier, Rikard walks in just as Delgado begins his presentation.

Sorry I'm late. Pilots meeting. I don't think that Lopez and Tacoman are coming though. They seemed have some other matters to take care of.

He sits and Delgado continues with the presenation. And so on...

"Yes, ACME is one of three main redshirt suppliers that the DoS contracts with. However all three companies have been afflicted by simliar problems in their supply chains. So, it doesn't really matter where the ship's redshirts are coming from- they're going to cost more than the DoS would like."

Tricia: Well, the war in our dimension is over. The ships from this universe are returning and we should be going.

Mr. A: Yep. So do I resign or just disappear?

Tricia: Too many questions either way. (brings up a high-tech device)

Mr. A: What's that?

Tricia: It's based on a Zinobopian Dupe-O-Matic. The Acme Redshirt Company was hoping to use them in creating new redshirts, but they had a major flaw. It could create a duplicate body, but it wouldn't be alive. Anyway we'll use this on you and it will appear that you died in your sleep.

Mr. A: Nice & simple.

Tricia: Yes, provided it duplicates you as a male.*

* see LICC2 XLI ;-)

(In Zen Forward a bunch of tables have been pushed together and a variety of off-duty crew members are seated around it.)

Lt. First: All right, let this meeting of the minor officers & nobodies aboard the Spidermobile commence. Would somebody like to read the minutes of the last meeting?

Ensign Ardluck: 7:00, 7:01, 7:02, 7:03, 7:04...

rimshot

Ensign Tai: I think we've heard enough. Let's get this meeting to order.

Redshirtmon: I agree. (to the waiter) I'll have a ham on rye.

The Mad Hatter: I'll have half a cup of tea, please.

Redshirt with a sweet tooth: Death By Chocolate. (to everyone else) Hey, if you've gotta go...

(the rest of the group orders while the canned laughter plays)

Lt. First: All right, now let's be serious here. We've got to discuss the bottom line... whoops, dropped my pencil. (stands up and bends over)

Groucho Marx: Now that's what I call a bottom line.

rimshot

Talking Chair: Sat's all, folks!

rimshot

LICC Janitor: I'd like to report that Doubletalk Generator is hyperfritzing when put into annularglopping mode, but you can compensate by inserting a gigacompiler into the pikost.

Lt Ten-Foot Tall Giant Ape Thing: (holds up a sign) What's a pikost?

LICC Janitor: Per slice or for the whole pie?

Robot Redshirt: I wonder if the real meetings are this much fun?

Off-duty annoying talking bomb: Nah, they're a real... Bomb.

(round of laughter)

This is worse than Star Trek The Next Generation! I thought they held a lot of meetings on this show... But man!

What's on other channels? Hmmm.... "I'm a Superhero, Get me out of here!" Nah... "I Love Lucykwanda" Nahh..... "Joe Zillionare?" Nah...

Hey! The Galactic Series of Cricket! Cool!!!!

They're just trying to create tension before the big battle sequence doofus!

"Status report!"

"Everything is ok. We are ready to fire at the designated target."

"Great. You don't see an exploding black hole very often these days. Continue!"

Meanwhile, situated on the outside of a TerrSec spy satellite that the Andafi ship Equalizer "accidentally" collided with while carrying an Andafi envoy to Earth to discuss a new trade treaty, Jason Kiehart and his trusty E-Z Hack computer code breaking device (built for him by Rocket Ranger) are having quite the time. "Wow, this is some nice stuff. I wodner where this big TerrSec facility is. Cygnus Ra, eh? Never heard of it. Must be out in the boondocks near the Galactic Rim. Some nice new weaponry. The League would LOVE to get their hand son- Wait, what is this?" His eyes widen as the designs for an engine of some kind reflect off his eyes. Of course the viewer has no idea what he's looking at, and won't find out for another chapter or two. "I don't beleive it. They actually went out and made one? If TerrSec gets that thing to work the good guys'll be compelete f---ed. Kiehart to Equalizer! Bring me back on, now!"

Sorry, but The Equalizer's been cancelled for over a thousand years.

Later...

The bridge crew have just returned from Delgado's briefing, and they have reached the rendezvous point.

Yellowshirt: "Captain, we have reached the rendezvous point. No sign of any..."

Alarms blare, particularly the piercing Klaxon of the collision alarm. The sensor panels show sudden gravitational masses appearing out of warp space very near the ship's position. In fact, the last time this happened...

Two massive vessels approach, very quickly. They are both of the same unknown class, both unmistakably of Earth origin. Both bristle with weapons, docking ports and shield emitters. The dreadnoughts appear built for one purpose, to strike fear into the hearts of any erring spacer, enemy or not. Both, in contrast to their militant image, are painted in a riot of colors. The leftmost is emblazoned with the flag design of New Atlantis, and the right one is covered with the flags of dozens and dozens of Earth nation-states, both ancient and modern. It is almost impossible to ponder how such gargantuan vessels could have been built, much less in such secrecy. The leftmost ship hails.

Milkshake clears his throat. Once again, we can't see his expression, but we're sure he's totally surprised. "Open a channel."

A younger-middle-aged woman appears on the screen, surrounded by a massive command center and dozens of bridge crew. Her mein is that of cool and total confidence.

"Captain Milkshake. I am Captain Lisel Jansen of the U.S.S. Atlantis. You have been assigned to escort us on Mission 1441?"

The SnowCrane's shields drop, and Rocket Ranger teleports back onto the ship. He checks to make sure everything is okay before settling back down into the pilot's chair.

"Er...I believe you were assigned to escort us, Captain Jan--"

Jansen clears her throat

"Please, Captain. If you'll check your mission packet in detail, you'll find that Spidermobile and associated support ships are assigned as advance scout and infiltrator for the battle group, consisting of the Atlantis and the Eurasia. I am in command of the battle group. For now, your orders are to proceed with us to Sector 25561, where we will conduct sensor sweeps. Atlantis out."

The screen goes blank

So much for trying to keep it light. Back to the space battles again.

A blueshirt looks out of the TV at the Bored K-NIT Viewer.

Oh, so you're bored are you? You think this is easy?

The blueshirt climbs out of the TV screen.

Well, maybe instead of complaining about it, you'd actually like to do something about it?

Grabs the squirming Viewer and shoves him through the TV screen onto the real Spidermobile. Then the blueshirt grabs a beer and sits down to watch what happens.

This should be interesting.

Lt. Delgado, since Milkshake still hasn't deigned to give him a post, sits at the Spare Crewmember Station on the bridge. He notices as the blueshirt is replaced by the Bored K-NIT Viewer.

"Oh, hello. Nice shirt you have. Cincinnatti Reds? Didn't they used to be the oldest major league baseball team or something like that? It's been a while since I've seen a Reds shirt."

(looking at the Bored K-NIT viewer)

Who the heck are you?

Looks at the Bored K-Nit viewer.

And do we really need to see you in your underwear? Put on some pants or something.

Adon sat at tactical with a view of the ships on his screen. He noticed a small, delta-shaped craft sitting on the hull of one of the ships.

They seem to have picked up a parasite. Locking phasers on the target and opening a channel. We'll wait and see what they have to say before firing.

The channel opened, and Adon blinked in supprise.

I didn't expect to see you again so soon, Commander.

Gene Windward smiled back over the open channel.

You don't have to shoot me, I'm here at the request of the DoS, to lend a hand. And even better, they've payed me a hefty sum in advance. I just needed a ride, since my little ship isn't fast enough to keep up with you warship types.

His ship detached and approached the Spidership.

Gene Windward, requesting permission to dock and hitch a ride with you.

In Artsy's quarters below, something is taking shape. The artist is bent over a tiny item on the table before her, hands for once moving with methodical slowness. Her hair and eyes are nearly pure white, the intesity of her concentration not broken by any conflicting emotions.

Suddenly she starts, jerking her hands away from the artwork. "Quito!"

The small alien bounces on her toes impatiently, dancing about the room. Images flash repeatly: Observer, Ansh, Seeker, ships fighting....

"I know." Artsy breathes a sigh of frustration. "It will be finished before we get there. And I'll be done quicker if you don't interrupt me."

Quito pouts at this, her large eyes pooling with tears.

"Come watch," Artsy invites her, giving in to the inevitable. "Just don't touch, and don't shout at me any more. You'll make me spoil it."

The child shakes her head emphatically and climbs to another chair, where she can see the action without jostling Artsy. Once there, she folds her hands and assumes an angelic expression.

Artsy is forced to smile back. Her hands are already moving again.

6302 AD, The Funky Horror's Hidden Base

Brainioid: Sir, about this genetic sample you want us to incorporate into the new X-CwX.

The Funky Horror: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessss?

Indexo: Poif. Nart! The one you labelled Ee-nee-sk-yuuuuuu.

TFH: Enesku.

B: Yes. Our examination shows no apparent genetic superpowers.

TFH: Really? When I encountered her* she had superior speed and strength. (He involuntarily rubbed his shoulder at the memory of the spear wound)

I: Are you sure you just weren't going very slow? Liiiiiiiiiike thiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssss? (Brainioid hits Indexo over the head with a test tube)

B: There is evidence of a chemical which might cause that.

Indexo (rubbing head): What? Going slow? (Brainioid hits him again)

TFH: Well, then dispose of it. No need tainting the new breed.

B: Speaking of which. All your samples contain only X chromosomes. There are no Y chromosomes...

I: Or even Z chromosomes.

B: ...so all those created will be female only.

TFH: That's all been considered. Don't worry about it. (The Funky Horror goes over to a section of the lab and plugs in a piece of equipment) Now when you've combined the genetic material you can use this chamber to accelerate growth of the prototype.

B: Just one?

TFH: We have to make sure the prototype is succesful first. We don't want to raise an army of losers, now do we? (pause) These Acme Time Speeder-Uppers can be tricky. (facing Indexo) Don't just stick the prototype in and turn it on expecting it to grow to be an adult overnight. It will starve to death in a few seconds if you are not watching it. (to both) It would be best to have someone in there. Both as a safety precaution and to feed it, change it's diapers, play with it, teach it fighting techniques... Speaking of which... (The Funky Horror produced a helmet) this teaching helmet has been specially prepared for it. It will teach it all about The Overlord, the glory of the X-CwX Empire and the important part it is to play in the upcoming battle. Any more questions?

I: Yes! How do headache pills know where they are supposed to go? (gets hit with a test tube)

B: No, sir.

TFH: Well, then. I've got to go. Hold down the fort.

I: Why? Will it float away if we don't?

(after The Funky Horror leaves the lab)

Brainioid: Indexo, are you pondering what I'm pon... No, of you're not. Do you think there is something not right about that genetic horror?

I: Yes. How can he have an eye in his hand and a tentacle, but not have an ear on his foot and a crab leg? (the test tube finally breaks)

* LICC2 XLIII

3003 AD, Deep Space

(A wheezing, groaning noise would be heard, if sound could travel in space, which it can't, as the LegionICC Chameleonmobile materialized.)

Are we at the right time and place?

Hairy Kim: Checking. (pause) According to the sensors we are in the right place, but in March, 3003, because of somekinda Timeline In-joke, whatever that means.

Reset coordinates.

Kim: Doing so. (The ship fades away and rematerializes) Correct time this time. Changing exterior to resemble a vessel of this era. (the exterior of the ship transforms to look like a spaceship from the Buck Rogers comic strip)

(Cyber 9 looked at the sensor display of the ship's appearance) Are you sure this is what ships looked like back then?

Kim: According to the surviving historical records, yes.

Spidora, get on the... (he consults a historical readout) Galaxy Wide Web and see what you can learn.

Spidora: (The arachnoid member of the Legion spins an electronic web which connects her to various information nets in the area) Incredibly primitive. Their idea of security is a joke. The Spidermobile is about two or three days away from here.

Dragonette: I have detected some X-CwX-type ships 3 light years away.

Set course and make us invisible.

(The Chameleonmobile vanishes and takes off*)

Spidora, can you infiltrate their systems.

Spidora: Not without tipping them off. 64th century computer techknowledgy.

Frankblood Observer: I sense a disturbance in the Frankblood.

Dragonette, is there anything else besides the X-CwX ships out there?

Dragonette: Yes. An earth vessel. A cloaked long range reconnaisence vessel called the Morgan.

Colanator: According to the mission records the Morgan had valuable information for the League. It will meet with the Spidermobile in two days.

(The Chameleonmobile comes to a stop and watches three X-CwX ships firing at nothing, then an explosion and an Earth vessel decloaks)

Kim: Should we help?

Dragonette: Sensors indicate that the three X-CwX have the damaged Earth vessel outmatched.

Colanator: The mission report makes no mention of our presence. We are here to prevent Taconator and The Funky Horror from changing time, not changing it ourselves.

All right. Let's just sit and watch.

(The Morgan fired at the attacking ships and tried to avoid being hit by the X-CwX-type ships. It flew into an asteroid belt zipping in and around the asteroids which were destroyed by the X-CwX weapons. The Morgan looped over and fired a volley of missiles down onto a damaged X-CwX ship and destroyed it. The other two ships closed in on opposite sides of the Morgan and fired. The Morgan increased speed too late.)

Dragonette: *gasp* The Morgan was destroyed with all hands!

What?!? (Cyber 9 glanced at Colanator)

Colanator: I... I do not understand. According to the records that should not have happened.

Then it seems that what we came here to prevent has happened. Time has been changed.

* Great special effect, eh? ;-)

(Lt. First sees Bob & Betty Blueshirt, just before Bob goes off for duty)

You two are so lucky to be assigned to the same ship.

Betty: Well, it has its good & bad moments. How are you and... who?

Who and I broke up. The strain of a long distance relationship was just too much and we couldn't make it work.

Betty: That's too bad.

Now I'm dating Idontknow.

Betty: What?

No, What and I tried going out, but it didn't work.

Betty: Oh... Hard luck.

No, Ardluck and I are just friends.

Betty: Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay... I've got to get to work now. Why don't we talk when you're off duty.

Oh, puh-lease. Lt. Duty isn't even my type.

A monitor at Delgado's station began to blink.

"Sensors indicate the new board is approaching," he reports, before turning his attention to the viewer, who is still gawking at the bridge.

"Really, is there something we could help you with? And what happened to that blueshirt? Wait a second... this had better not be like that Voyager episode..."

Milkshake acknowledges Windward, with misgivings.

Permission granted. We're now getting underway. Helm, set a course for Sector 25561, and engage the Bad News Drive.

Delgado, take Psuedoscience for now, we may just need it.

Adon, you and I are going to work up an intensive training program for essential ship's personnel. Everyone will have to be sharp for what we're facing.

I'll get right on it. I'll get a simulated battle sequence in the holodeck written up, with all the dirty tricks I can think of. We can run over that a few times before we arrive.

Not just space, personal combat against O'kakians, Blue Fugates and X-CwX. This whole situation can potentially turn very ugly if we're not careful. I'll start working up training assignments.

Captain, there's an underweared intruder on the bridge. Permission to stun and cover up?

OK, I'm not bored anymore. I want to go home!

Yeah, I think that we should get some clothes onto the guy.

And where, may I ask, is the home in which you wish to go?

"Captain, as much as I'd like the Pseudoscience station, it's current occupant might be a little discommoded if I tried to usurp the position." Delgado points to a frowning Jadlad. "Instead, why don't I take our new friend here to find some proper attire? That Reds' shirt does look a bit tattered, and we might all appreciate getting some pants on him."

Gene Windward's ship docked, and he climbed out onto the hanger bay, and was greeted by a pair of rather large security guards. He held up his hands.

Hey, I'm unarmed! Is that OK with you? I'm going to leave all my weapons on the ship.

He took a few steps away from the ship, and the hatch closed and locked behind him.

In the meantime, is there a lounge or someplace I could wait? Maybe get something to drink while we wait?

Panting, Alex enters the Hornet Squad prep area, only to be faced by an angry Lopez.
I apologize, sir. I was learning how to fly Rocket's experimental ship. Since I didn't want to launch it rignt now, I was using the holodeck, and when your call came, I was at a point where I couldn't stop and call. In any case, I'm now familiar with the ship and ready to fly.

Go ahead, Delgado. Sorry, Jad.

turns to face his new 'adviser'

Keiran, I'd like you to keep a close eye on Mr. Windward for the time being. An unknown factor like him might be dangerous in the wrong situation.

"Aye, sir."

Keiran departs the bridge and in a matter of minutes is in Zen Forward, taking a table with a good view of where Windward has just sat down.

When are we going to make contact with that other board?