One MILLION Dollars!!!
=o-
Wiigii!
LICC is now 28 boards behind us!
For now...
Do you have to say Wiigii! all the time? It's giving me a headache.
Ok, how about if he says...
\/\//116611!!!!
h4h4h4h4h4h4!
j00z 50 |<r4P! /\/\3hz \/\/!11 9!\/3 j00 4 |-|UUU93 8!7(|-|514P!!
/\/\3h 0\/\//\/Z j00!
Do you expect me to say Kawaii! instead?
*Schizo's multiple personalities grab Soylent I Don`t Give A F### Anymore and duck tapes him to a ceiling fan*
You're not even a proper Schizo, anyway. Multiple personality disorder is a poorly-understood dissociative disorder. Schizophrenia is a delusional psychotic disorder of thought processes, not anything to do with multiple personalities. Unless of course you were possessed by the Soylent Demon of EEEEEVILLL.
Now, you've got the girl on the bed, her legs are up on the mantlepiece, she's really ready for it...
OUT!
Hellooooooo, Nurse!
Your mother seeks cooks in Hull!
No she doesn't.
Now, you've got the girl on the bed, her legs are up on the mantlepiece, she's really ready for it...
Isn't the mantlepiece at the head of the bed?
Are you trying to sell something?
Now, I've got the girl on the bed, but her legs have been SAWN OFF and NOW lie on top of the mantlepiece in the room downstairs, where they belong!
Breaking News! The new Dave Adventure movie "Dave Adventure in: Nadja Head (The Black Catsuit's Coming)" has been announced.
Casting has begun, with Nuck Chorris and Sally Michelle Jailbait reprising their roles from the previous film. Legendary porn actress Shannyn Tweedleman has been signed to play mysterious French assassin Nadja Head, the new object of Dave Adventure's desires. However, Sir Shawn Connolly has not yet announced if he will return as the evil Dr. Rickalan, as he is demanding a sign-on fee of "one MILLION dollars!"
No director has been snapped up, though rumors that Alfonso Comedor de la Mierda, acclaimed director of the teen road movie "Su Madre Chupa Penes En El Infierno" has been approached.
The film is to be produced by acclaimed producer Gerry Bluckbheister, whose previous Academy Award-winning films have included "Chauvinistic Testosterone Warriors In Fighter Jets," "Dancing Chick 3: Please Watch My Bum," and "Pearl Necklace 2: In The Name Of The Male Demographic."
Why you little maggot, you make me want to vomit!
Well it looks like I'll have to put away the normal ruler and bring out the cruel ruler.
Well, what do we have here, a f*****g comedian. Hell I like you, you can come over to my house and f*** my sister.
Shplendid.
What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?
Trust me, I know what I'm doing!
Who said that? Who the f*** said that? Who's the slimy little communist sh*t twinkle-toed c******ker down here, who just signed his own death warrant?
Nobody, huh?! The fairy f*****g godmother said it! Out-f*****g-standing! I will P.T. you all until you f*****g die! I'll P.T. you until your a**holes are sucking buttermilk!!
Dear Sir,
I object strongly to the sudden Gunnery Sergeant Hartman turn this board has taken. I mean, didn't he die in the film? I must be off now - I just saw a 7.62mm Full Metal Jacket lying on the ground that Sharlene's been trying to find for ages.
Yours etc.
G. Pyle (Mrs.)
Youse want's to talk to me? I'm your Fairy Godfather, Hartman. I can make you "disappear"
The Fairy Godmother? I *****ing whacked her!
That name sounds like royalty, are you royalty? You little scumbag, I got your name, I GOT YOUR ASS! You will not laugh! You will not cry! You will learn by the numbers. I will teach you. Now get up! Get on your feet!
'Ey! Who youse t'inkin' youse is, ya Fairy? Youse bettageddouttahere fast-like or I's get ma leetle friends to come 'round an' whup yo' beetchass!
And YOUSE, Sergeant, youse got any plans to take over ma turf? Well youse can just fuggeddaboudit!
You, Gandolfini, I think Hartman could stand to learn a little thing about politness, treating others well, and not getting into our paths... Maybes we's can join forces and "teach" him those things ourselves.
Hartman, I thinks I can round up some cement shoes just your size...
No.. not the Hideous mob leader of EEEEVVVVIILLL! Gets aways from me! Where's my magic cigar? Maybe that Clinton mug took it...
'Ey, I ain't woikin wit no limp-wristed Fairy.... dhough I might make an exception in dhis case. Ah... fuggeddaboudit, OK, we's gotta deal. Froddie, Sammie, youse knows what t'do. Legs, 'Gorn, Gimp, get us da Mob Car and pick up da Godfadder from da Station - but if dhat Fairy tries anyt'ing... well, youse know what t'do.
Hartman, youse mess wit' me, youse're messin wit' ma whole Fellowship! Yo' ass is MINE, ya punk, youse belawngs to ME!
(to the Nunnery Sgt.)
Ya call that a ruler? (pulls out a yardstick) Now this is a ruler.
Do you think I'm cute, do you think I'm funny?
No. Simply annoying.
Were you about to call me an a**hole? Well, I admire your honesty. I'll be watching you.
Well, I usually deal with such people the same way I deal with my audience. I ignore them and eventually they go away.
In Soviet Russia, audience entertains YOU!
Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?!
No, we're not entertained! We're bored!
We are not men! We are Devo!
I'm not a girl...
... I... am not a number!
I am a FREE MAN!
I am not a Fremen! I am a Harkonnen!
He's NOT the Messiah - he's a VERY NAUGHTY BOY! Now go away!
But I am the Messaih!
Speaking of the "Messaih," I hope everyone had a smashing Easter weekend, and I hope you all appreciate the true meaning of this holiday - for the Easter Bunny was nailed to a cross, and Jesus Christ hatched out of an Easter Egg for all our sins.
But why was the Easter Bunny hiding those eggs? Is it becuase he doesn't want the the other bunnies to know he's been having sexual relations with the chickens? Or is he afraid of what the Rooster will do when he finds out? We attempted to get the Easter Bunny's side of the story, but he simply said, "No comment!" and ran into his hutch. However we will be sure to update you should we uncover any further information.
Isn't it obvious? The Easter Bunny is a terrorist! He's hiding eggs of mass destruction!
I am the eggman! I am the walrus! Goo-Goo-Ga-Joob!
Easter will always be a special time for the fabric and leather industry - after all, Jesus dyed for all our skins.
Siiiiiiiiiiiiin, sin a son
Make it simple to last the whole world longgggggggggg
Well any f*****g time, sweetheart!
Can we get Murray back instead of Hartman?
Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard, but I am fair!
He's not that hard. In fact, he was a real disappointment in bed.
You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece!
I'd take that back if I were you!
Did your parents have any children that lived? Sound off like you've got a pair.
But I have no sister.
Bullsh*t, I bet you could 5uck a golfball through a garden hose!
Youse wantin' a piece o'mah Ho's?
Hey, I run da Ho's racket! Or does youse want to find yer stockin' stuffed wit coal?
How'd youse all likes to wakes up dead one mornin'? I's can grant that wish.
I'm askin' the f*****g questions around here, Private, do you understand?
Leave your privates alone, this is a family board.
This is my family, and we're all board stiff.
You see? He's getting a stiff now!
What's your name, fat-body?
He don't know me very well, do he?
You owe me for one jelly donut!
Can I have a peanut butter and jelly donut?
I's used to be Grey, long time ago. Now I's is WHITE! And I's comes to you NOW, at da turn of da spring tide.
OK boys, put da Sergeant in da cement block and t'row him off da pier!
Youse is sleepin' wit da fishees now, Hartman! Youse're gettin' no jelly donuts from me, you muppet-plucker you! Besides, I's is all out.
Mmmmm... donuts!
He wants a jelly doughnut? I's gots one for him.
Waves his magic tommy-gun, and Hartman is encased in a large jelly doughnut.
Enough doughnut for youse?
I'm gonna rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world!
When yas eats heyuh, yer 'Family'! Capeesh?
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Wah, wah, wah wahhhh!
Hey, quit da goofy canned laughta an' dhose sound effects! Dis is a serious discussion, capisce?
wah wah, wah wah wah wah, wah wah.
Couldn't you have gone during the interval when everyone else went? Oh, OK then - down the corridor and the second on the left. And don't make a mess this time!
You don't scare us, Gandolfini the White!
Your asses look like a hundred and fifty pounds of chewed bubblegum, wrestlers, did you know that?
Moderator, this board is now up to.... ooh, at least....
One MILLION Dollars!!!
=o-
Here's our Super Summer Drama Line-up on FOX-U2: The Ratings Network!:
A new hi-action sci-fi adventure series starts during the summer hiatus - "StarScape: Conflict Beyond Precinct Gate DW-5" - following a group of brave pilots aboard the 'USS Donald H. Rumsfeld' who defend the space station Amorica from the evil alien race known as the Tolubin, who use wormholes and suicide starships to chase after their well-kept secret to Earth's military grid. Starring Mikhail Ironfist as Commander Jon Kryten, Dinah Mayor as Lt. Cmdr Shokan d'Or and Walner Koehnhead as Sadamusain, the leader of the evil Tolubin.
We see the conclusion of the final season of "Millennium Nation: The Lone Quantum Twin Files of Pretender Seven" - a series of dark and shadowy government projects involving time travel and alien contact is unveiled by young and idealistic maverick FBI agent Dali Kapoor (Cole MacLochlomond) on the run from a trio of quirky government agents (Deva Duchoverl, Julie-Anne Anderstorp and Patrick Roberts) who believe him to be a deranged serial killer from small-town America. Will he find out who killed Arnold Palmer (Arnold Palmer)?
The return of Ronald Q Bellyachio's classic action series "Hazzard MacMagnum's Street Wolf-Rider Vice Team" - a runaway Vietnam veteran (Darin Hasslefree) with no other identity suddenly becomes an all-action private investigator relying on his wits, skill, brains, and of course his plethora of hi-tech vehicles (all voiced by Prof. Stephen Hawking) to solve crimes and defeat injustice.
A brand new gritty adult crime show - "Blue Shield Criminal Trace Investigation: Life On Miami Law 24" starring Mikey Chicklit as Det. Lt. Ricki Lakey, a tough-talking cop and father of two who knows how the Force works... but fights crime and nasty terrorist scum according to his own rules. Also starring Denis Hapsburg as the President whom Lakey is sworn to protect as and when the plot desires.
Quirky yet violent comedy drama comes to FOX-U2 this season: "Six Sopranos Under the City of Friends." This Emmy-award winning series from Ho Box Orifice stars Jamie Gandolstick-Parker as Toni Profundo, the broody head of a rogue family of necrophilia traders struggling to keep their New York business away from their Mafia rivals. Featuring Golden Globe winners Jennifer Aniseed, Mel Le Blanc and Kami Clittroll, plus music by hip-hop act Sammy Ben Larden and the Sepp Timber Eleven.
Finally, the return of FOX-U2's most prized asset - "Mutant Angel Princess: The Dark Bird-Watch Slayer" - the hit TV show that made Sally Michelle Jailbait a household name! The touching tale of scantily clad teenage cheerleader Bernie Winters who is hired by a Government department to put on a tight leather catsuit and kill demons with her mighty sword of black magic while still looking young and elfin and unplucked among her buxom, feminine best friends and... excuse me please...
Bloody repeats!
Yes, repeats or war films. It really makes you want to micturate.
Our editor in chief, Harry Knowitall, today uncovered details of a top-secret new feature film from the studio that brought you the successful "Dave Adventure!" series of films!
Says Knowitall: "Psychotic Foetus Studios revealed a new all-action adventure to be filmed on location in Bangkok, Thailand. Entitled 'Lady-Boys With Guns: The Secret Under Big Bangkok' it's the latest in a line of movie projects pairing up director Stephen Soderspiel and actor-producer Douglas Kirkmichael."
In terms of casting, a number of hermaphrodite actors have been approached to play some of the leading roles, including Winohnny Rydepp, Nicom Cruisman, Jennifad Anistitt, Frerah Princzhelle Juniellar, and Bennifer Lofleck.
And if elected I will work to have Austria made the 51st state so I can legally run for President.
Let's change the channel. What's on the Ho Box Orifice?
And #9 on Arnie's campaing promises...
And I shall run for Governor of whatever state it is that I live in!
And then I shall enthrall you with my amazing impersonations of famous German composers. I'll be Bach!
Fancy a game of chess? I'll be Black!
Or maybe Monopoly? I'll be Banker!
Then during the time of Lent I shall give up my favourite food. Pasta for Easter, baby!
After which, I may gorge myself on a variety of Italian-Chinese delicacies. Ham stir-fry pizza, maybe.
I haf got a part on Space Ghost Coast to Coast Ah'll be Brak!
Baby got Brak!
Acquire, Brak! Acquire!
See Brak.
See Brak Acquire!
Acquire, Brak! Acquire!
No one expects the Ferengi Acquisition!
Slides down a solid latinum ramp and is caught by a group of singing & dancing Ferengi.
The Acquisition,
Let it begin
The Acquisition,
Loot the money bin
We're on a mission
To collect our dues!
The Acquisition has begun!
We win, you lose!
Kai: I hired the Ferengi to find the Celestial Temple.
Vedic: That must have cost an arm and a leg.
Kai: Actually it just cost a mojin.
Rimshot
Hey! We're not having any rimshots here. This is supposed to be a clean board, not a hardcore sex channel.
Acting Grand Nagus Grint.
No, that's Acting Grand Nagus Brunt!
[Sorry, but the rest of this post has been deemed innappropriate for Family Audiences]
...and today at the Hall Of Presidents ride at Disneyland, the automatons of Richard Nixon & Ronald Reagan both announced they were running for Governor of California.
Roy, the other white meat.
Roy attempted to hold the tiger off with a microphone, which tiger experts claim was a classic mistake as tigers hate karaoke.
If Roy recovers he plans to continue the stage show, but will start off with housecats and work his way back up to tigers.
When asked why they lost, the Cubs said it was because they were bummed that members of the 1908 Cubs decided to snub the current team and not show up at any of their games.
Booooooooo, y'all. Happy Halloween!
Trip or Treat! give me someon... thing good to eat!
Oooooh, a twelve inch black licorice.
*coffin opens*
Happy Halloween!
Another coffin opens
Are you sure Reed wouldn't like a large lollypop instead?
Yes, I do think Shirley Temple is evil, but she created a d@mn fine drink.
We told these women that this man was a millionnaire... and he is... in Canadian dollars.
What will these women do when they find out that a million Canadian dollars is only worth 47 US dollars?
Find out on... Joe Canadian Millionnaire!
Arise my feathered brothers! Overthrow the murderous gluttons who feast on the carcasses of our slaughtered brethren! Today shall be our Liberation Day!
Gobble, gobble, gobble!
Ah, Thanksgiving!
A national holiday dedicated to giving your family the bird.
Actually, according to www.xe.com/ucc , $1 million Canadian dollars is $764,825.14 US dollars. (not exactly a million, but still 3/4 of a million is a lot of money.) Now a millionare in Italian lira would be another story (1 million lira = $614.71 US).
*Gasp!*
A serious post on the Phantom Returns board?!?
How could you???
As few posts as these boards have been getting lately we should be thankful for any kind of post.
Has LICC 4 passed us yet?
"Whew! I survived Thanksgiving! Hallejuya!"
Unfortunately, while dancing for joy, he didn't watch where he was going and was run over early morning shoppers going to take advantage of all the early morning sales.
Swish-THUNK!
Would you like a wonderful way to serve turkey this time of year?
With the revolutionary turkey-matic, turkey-riffic... Hey! dont' delete me...pleas (deleted)
I don't like Green Eggs and Spam!
No I don't, Spam I am!
Mr. Friendly, No-Depth, and the Sinister Dr. Spammy
BALEETED!!!!!!!
Qµ1d 4915, ç4pµ+ 455µ743?
Since when do 1337 h4x0r5 use '7' in place of 'L'?
They don't. They use '1' in place of 'L'. They use '7' in place of 'T'.
That's what I thought... evidently latin 1337 (or 733T) works differently...
Maybe it's something to do with them pesky Roman numerals... it's hard to use numbers in place of letters when your numbers ARE letters...
¶|-|¥! ƒ4ßµ143!
5µ|\/| ç4¶µ7 \/4ç4|\|5!
Michael Jackson claims there is a conspiracy against his music becoming a hit in the USA. He claims sound alikes are sneaking into the record companies and replacing his brilliant lyrics with their bad lyrics to make people think he's lost his touch.
The Amazing Blando predicts that 2004 will have 12 months, last 366 days, and end next December 31. We'll just have to wait and see about that.
We regret to announce the passing of The Phantom Return Of The Empire´s New Hope Strikes Back board. The board was once very popular, but in recent years has withered away to nothing. It's survived by it's son, the League Of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions board. The Phantom Return Of The Empire´s New Hope Strikes Back was only 33.
I just wanted you to know... I'm not Ben Affleck.
Woud a Latin 1337 h4xx0r be a:
Latin MCCCXXXVII hIVxx0R?
In the middle of the confusion, a large beetle-shape ship lands. Looking a bit confused themselves, three figures emerge.
Jackson: Where are we, and how did we get here?
Butrfli: According to the computer, then the LICC universe suddenly shut itself off, everybody was thrown to various other universes. This one just happened to be nearby. We seem to be in a Phantom Returns universe...
Jackson: Oh no, not again!
Phantom Returns, here I come
Right back where I started from...
Woud a Latin 1337 h4xx0r be a:
Latin MCCCXXXVII hIVxx0R?
You mean a MCCCXXXVII hIVxx R, since the Ancient Romans didn't have the number 0!
Blammo!
Jadlad and his friends land on their backs in front of his old house. The mover is already there.
Jadlad: Well, that dimension hop hurt!
Jadlad opens the door to his house for the mover.
Mover: Where do you want us to be put this stuff?
Jadlad: Umm. In the den for now. It'll all fit. That den of mine is huge. And watch out for the
CRASH!!
vase in the hallway.
Jadlad! What brings you to this dimension?
I got transferred. And my summer home is here. You have to admit that's handy.
A giant hand crawls by.
Giant hand: No. I'M handy!
This is a test post!
And this is a post test!
Rouse kicks a football at a goal post, which breaks, and the crossbar comes down, hammering the goalie into the ground
It failed.
The post passed the test?
No, the post did not pass the test. Don't you read the past posts? In the post just past, Rouse passed a ball to a post, which failed the test.
OK, no need to boast, you pest. Are you positive?
I'm positive - in the past post, when the ball was passed, the post passed no test.
*turns on Ghost-Ometer*
Nope, no ghosts on this board. Move on to the next.
Was the Ghost Test post the most best post or the least best post?
Jackson: Not much is going on around here.
Butrfli: Hold on... I think I see.. a ghost!
From out of their ship, comes a figure that looks like a person wearing a sheet with eyeholes.
Jackson: Sorry, not much of a budget around here...
(raises expensive glass of water)
Here's to a long dry season!
A number of purple Stargate-like discs open, and a number of mechanical creatures appear from them. They look like Cybermen, but have odd bumps all over their body. Several dozen of them march through the discs, when then vanish as mysteriously as they arrived. One of the creatures steps forward and begins to speak in a strangely odd and familiar voice
We are the Cyberman-Dalek empire! We have your entered your dimension seeking a man named Jake Grey! Produce him or you will be exterminated and deleted!
After standing around for a while, the CyberDaleks mysteriously open a number of purple wormholes and march through, never to be seen again
In the Ships & Supers universe the players inhabit, The League Of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions does not exist. That's the premise of this entire comic, after all. But most of the other things we know and love (such as killing redshirts) do, albeit modified by the lack of The League Of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions:
.....• Superballs is a serious documentary about a children's toy.
.....• Veronica VaVoom is known (barely) for doing voiceovers for poorly selling computer games, but gains widespread fame after her appearance in the first Futurama movie.
.....• Lance Pepperman is known primarily for Port Mike.
.....• Nerdy guys make YouTube videos of themselves holding meetings instead of running around in colored underwear.
.....• Without the success of The League Of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions to spark interest in superhero science fiction in the early 2000s, Sprinkle Boy was never revived with movies and a new series, and remains an obscure short-running TV show.
.....• The Knights Of Silvercliff was never made into a big-screen musical. Sword & sorcery fans never had it so good.
.....• The major superhero science fiction background that pervades all of Western culture is the Legion of Super-Heroes, despite it never being much good. It was remade recently as a new, updated television series with a bigger budget, high-tech computerised special effects, and edgy writing. And it sucked.
.....• Throughout the 2000s, all the greatest Hollywood blockbusters were big-budget taco soap operas.
.....• The Comic Irregulars exist and are making a screencap comic based on Star Wars.
*Meanwhile in Port Jonah*
Look out! It's Reptilicus Metalicus!!!