LAST TIME ON LICC...

Jingle Bells, O'kaks smell, Furby laid an egg. Eurasia lost a wheel and Nator's on the way...hey!

The insane Anonymous will not be reappearing in anything...ever.

Oh yes he will!

Alex: Grant, I hear you, and I'm on my way.
Jackson, follow me.
With that, the Duprees make their way down to the flight bay. Alex activates the armor he has, which covers most of his body. He ends up looking like Jackson, only with green armor.
I admit that this isn't as good as yours, but it'll work.
They locate Lopez and hide next to him.
Jackson: I see you have a bit of a problem.
Alex: I think I might be able to bring my ship in and fire it at the remaining O'kaks without destroying anything else...

On the bridge...
Adon, get a few security teams down there. They appear to be the last of the O'kakians alive on the ship. Let's take care of them.

Without saying anything alt-Furby fires a blast over his left shoulder. The ceiling is hit again and another beam comes down, this time landing directly on O'kak soldier #5. Crunch.

Right!

Adon steps into the turbolift, the one with the hole in the floor, and falls through. He decends down the turboshaft and stops in mid-air at the correct deck. He opened the doors and stepped from nothing onto the deck.

The turbolift network can be too slow sometimes. Ah! Here's the flight bay.

The door opens and reveals the few remaining O'kak soldiers as well as the crew trading fire.

Why don't you just let me handle this, OK?

Adon vanishes into a blur, and slides to a stop on the opposite side of the O'kaks. He is on one knee, and his sword is in his hand.

The lead O'kak shouts in the O'kakian language:
"I barely felt a thing."

Adon didn't move from the pose he was in but responded in the O'kakian language.
That's because you're already dead.

The O'kak started to laugh, but only managed a grunt before he fell over like a tree after a lumberjack finishes with it. He didn't move after that. Two solders next to their fallen leader turned and fired at Adon, but he jumped into the air. He spun mid-jump and swung the sword. A bolt of light appeared from the sword and took out the soldiers that fired on him. Adon gently landed on the deck with his sword over his shoulder.

And that is how it is done.

Gene took a half step back from Betamax.

That anti-technology field thing isn't still up, is it?

No

Gene lets out a barely perceptable sigh.

Lets keep it that way, shall we? There's a lot of high technology in this room that really shouldn't be shut down, know what I mean? This is main engineering, after all.

Right after Adon finishes cleaning up the remaining O'kak, Delgado shows up on the flight deck, having found an oxygen suit somewhere. His saber is humming and ready for action, but he quickly deduces he's not needed.

"Well... okay, then!"

Lopez runs straight to the command center of the FLight Deck, whil Brad Plevyak stays behind to ofer thanks to the crew. Through the sound proof windows they can see Lopez angrily punching a console and lowering his head into his hands. Alex and Plevyak go up to the center. Lopez sees them, and answers their question before they ca even ask it. "They got Bosco. Ensign Boscorelli and his fither were destroyed by the escaping O'Kak." He stands up and looks out at the wrecked flight area. "Two pilots dead in four months. If this were Red Squad that would be considered good, but for a sqaud of profesisonals, during a relatively easy conflict, that almost qualifies as disasterous."

Oh, no! Ensign Boscorelli's fither got destroyed! What the fnord is a fither?

Isn't it usually married to your mather?

(Ensign Tai and the O'Kak possesed by Deadmon enter Engineering)

Lt. First: O'Kak! (fires several rounds from the O'Kak weapon)

Ensign Tai: NO!!! He's possesed by Deadmon!

(The O'Kak falls to floor dead)

Lt. First: Who?

(Ensign Tai drops to his knees and shakes the O'Kak body)

Ensign Tai: Deadmon! Deadmon! Speak to me!

Deadmon (floating as a ghost): It's okay Tai. I abandoned the body before she fired.

Ensign Tai (looking up at the ghost only he can see): Oh, thank goodness. You're alive.

Deadmon: Yeah, but I either have to possess another body soon or I'll have to digivolve to Poltergeistmon or revert to Redshirtmon, and this room is getting crowded enough as it is.

Ensign Tai (glances around): You're right about that.

LT. First: So the guy with bad hair is insane?

(meanwhile, assuming the word can be used when speaking of events removed from the normal time/space continuum, aboard the Legion of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions' ship Chameleonmobile}

Cyber 9: Raise shields!

Hairy Kim: We did, but... it's too late...

Spidora: Sensors indicate that we are... nowhere. Spacial coordinates 0. Temporal coordinates 0. Dimensional coordinates 0. Reality coordinates negative 0. The ship is surrounded by... nothing. I can detect no techknowlogy outside of the ship.

Dragonette: There's no trace of any magic outside the ship.

Frankblood Observer: I can not detect the Frankblood out there.

(from Engineering) Stardiver: Captain, the engines are under a strain. There seems to be nothing wrong, but the propellant force is not going anywhere. We may have to shut down the engines.

Cyber 9: Understood. It's not like we're going anywhere at the moment.

(Cyber 9 considered options, then)
Cyber 9: Fire a low-yield weapon.

Hairy Kim: Yes, sir. (pause) No, good. The energy has no place to go. It simply builds up where it should fire from.

Cyber 9: Can we change shape?

Kim: Programming new appaerance. (the Chameleonmobile changed to a Legion Mark 10 Cruiser, then a blue Police Call Box, then to the three-nacelled version of the Enterprise-D) We can change shape.

(Cyber 9 teleported to another part of the bridge, then attempted to teleport outside, but reappeared back in the ship)
Cyber 9: That was odd. It was as if there is no outside outside. Bring up number 1 airlock. (on the main monitor appeared the airlock) Open external hatch. (the hatch slid open) Sensors?

Spidora: According to this the air rushed to fill the void, but it only filled the space where the hatch had been.

Cyber 9: Depressurize the airlock. (this was done) Any evidence that the 'nothingness' has entered?

Spidora: Sensors simply show a vaccuum.

(Cyber 9 teleported to the empty hatch, around his body had appeared an automatic environment suit.)

Kim: No!

Cyber 9: We can't just sit here, Kim. (Cyber 9 attempted to leave the airlock, but nothing held him back*. No matter how much he tried he could not leave the ship. He teleported back to the bridge. Other members tried what they could, Dragonette used magic, Stardiver her solar powers, but nothing worked against nothing. Hours later) Shame the Lavendar Wraith didn't come with us. If anyone could get out of nothingness, he could.

* Tee hee hee ;-)

(The Funky Horror entered the 64th century lab furious.)
Where is she? (he demanded of Brainioid & Indexo)

Indexo: She's gone.

What?!?

Brainioid: I said I would do the talking! (he hit Indexo with a pair of tongs)

Indexo: Owwwwww... I'm in tune.

Brainioid: Ahem. Genetic Warrior #1 decided that a field exercise would be a good use of her abilities.

Is she supervised.

Brainioid: ummmmmmmm, no. She felt that would hamper the effectiveness of the test.

How could you let her go?

Indexo: Well she's much taller than us and she has these big teeth and claws...

Brainioid: There were so few X'CwX to stop her since you took the others back in time, sir.

(the Funky Horror was about to speak when he doubled over in pain and agony) Aaaaaah!!!

Brainioid: Are you all right, sir?

(to himself he thought) No, I'm not alright you, pesky little mouse. I'm dying because of a genetic booby trap. (But aloud he said) I'm... I'm fine. Something I ate. (pause) I want you and the others to track her down and bring her back. (to Indexo) But not you.

Indexo: Ohhhhhhhhhhh... (sad look on face)

(Brainioid & most of the other remaining X'CwX leave to track down GW1)

That's it. Next time I create life, no free will! (he turned and left)

(All alone in the lab Indexo was surprised when he heard) Pushy little son of a test tube, isn't he?

Indexo: Gene! You're back! Wait'll the others mmmmm mmmm mmm...

GW1: Shhh! Just came to see the fireworks. I've still got a lot of thinking to do before I decide what I'm going to do with my life.

...
And here a special warning: The Morbius Sensor Phalanx has detected dangerous subspace flares combined with a neutronic ion storm in the Shannon sector. We expect the flares to be of class 7 or even 8. Every ship in this area is advised to leave immediately. Do not enter the Shannon sector until further notice!
...

Wait a second... they're fighting nothing? Wow, I never thought I'd see them ripping off The Never-Ending Story...

Captain Biggens has summoned several crewmembers to the bridge (or what's left of it) of The Wytch Queen.

Captain Biggens: Lt. Commander McDudley, I need a damage assessment, and an estimate of how long it will take to complete repairs on the ship's engines, in particular.

Lt. Commander McDudley: Aye, Cap'n. There were hull breeches on deck 17, 22 and 23 and most of the armor on the port side of the front of the ship needs to be replaced. We've got impulse engines up to 83% maximum power, but our warp drive is still offline. I think we can have it fixed in about 27 hours, give or take half an hour.

Captain Biggens: and our weapons systems?

Lt. Commander McDudley: Three of the ship's particle cannons were totally destroyed in the attack, and one of them needs a new dispersion buffer before it can even be fired safely. Also, both Quantum Torpedo launchers suffered significant damage. Surprisingly all our turbolasers and the main guns were undamaged.

Captain Biggens: Get to work right away, Lieutenant Commander.

Lt. Commander McDudley: Aye, sir.

McDudley leaves the bridge.

Captain Biggens: Doctor Zypher, how many casualties did we suffer?

Doctor Zypher looks human, except he has blue-green skin and six fingers and a thumb on each hand. He has short white hair.

Doctor Zypher: We have 64 crewmembers injured, but only 18 of them have serious injuries that will keep them in sickbay for more than a day or two. Unfortunately, it appears all the crewmembers who were on the decks that suffered a hull breech were killed, and we lost another 11 from the hits on the bridge and the fighter engagement. The body count is 47.

Captain Biggens: Commander Hendrix was hurt when the first att....

Dr. Zypher: Commander Hendrix didn't survive. Her internal injuries were too great, and she was already dead when they brought her into Sickbay.

He pauses and puts his hand on Captain Biggens' shoulder.

I'm sorry, Luke.

Grant, dealing with the O'kaks is not an easy thing. They can be ruthless and merciless. In my dimension, they were the same way. Jackson tells me that in many of the dimensions he and Butrfli visited, there are O'kaks. For the most part, the main constant is that they are as evil and ruthless as they are here.
I think we were incredably lucky to just lose one person.

Rikard, still on the bridge, sighs.
Ensign Boscorelli. Good man. It's unfortunate that we lost him. Wait a second, Turns to Thompson didn't you say that two of the Banshee fighters were destroyed.
Thompson nods.
Thompson: Yes sir. Banshee 7. Crewman Sellers. She was able to eject from her fighter. She's in Sickbay right now with minor injuries.
Rikard: Good. It's good to know we didn't lose another pilot. It's amazing that we only had two fighters destroyed in the ambush. Really says someting about our squadrons. Alright, let's get some repairs going. We need to be underway ASAP.

(Lt PD Insane, accompanied by two thugs security guards, patrols down a corridor. He looks down a side corridor and spots a crewwoman lying injured. Taking a closer look, he discovers it is Lt First.

He contacts Milkshake on his personal frequency, not knowing he is in Engineering with someone who he thinks is Lt First)

Commander... I've found Lt First here, she's wounded. *to First Security Guard* Crewman Cullum, take her to sickbay *to Milkshake* Have any more wounded been found?

to First Security Guard

Why does Lt. First have her own private security guard?

"Pete...are you sure? I've had First with me since the GROSS three came by, she's right here."

Quite sure, Commander... wait, doesn't she have a sister or something? Anyway, Crewman Cullum's taken her to sickbay. *motioning to Second Security Guard, who is now First Security Guard* Follow me down this way.

Milkshake closes the comm line, and with a sputter, the remainder of his armor's systems (whose energy cell is mostly chain mail now) die. He looks at his Lt. First.

"All right, we'd better hit Sickbay and get things straightened out. Angstrom, 'Star, Beta, you too. Are the rest of you all right?" he says, looking at the erstwhile Engineering crew.

Need any help with anything, Steve?

After Alex leaves, Brad Plevyak whistles is astonishment. "Jeez, I don't think i've ever heard anyone say anything so tactless in my life! Lucky to lose just one? That's rather cold. You'd think he was tlaking about a Redshirt or something."

Alex, who was right near the door, pokes his head inside.
I heard that! What I meant was that we could have lost a lot more people than Bosco. He was a good man and a d@mn great pilot. I agree it was a tragedy that he died and it shouldn't have happened, but we could have lost the whole squad.

"You'd think he was tlaking about a Redshirt or something."

Oh yeah, nothing tactless about that.

The spidership gets a hail from The Wytch Queen. Captain Biggens appears on-screen, and the bridge of his ship is still somewhat damaged, but is being repaired.....slowly, since the engines and weapons are the #1 priority.

We were just attacked by an unidentified ship and several fighter craft. We've never seen the designs of the ship or its fighters before, so we have no idea what race or group was behind the attack, or what their motive was.

He pauses, and takes a PADD handed to him by another crewmember, glances at it, then continues to speak.

I'm having all the information we collected on the enemy vessels transmitted to you now, so you can be on the lookout for them. They may be heading to your sector, or close by.

He takes a few seconds to look at the PADD in greater detail.

We're conducting repairs right now, and plan to seek revenge for all the injuries and deaths we suffered from the cowardly attack.

He pauses briefly.

And unfortunately, my First Officer, Commander Hendrix, was among those killed.

The spidership receives the collected data on the ships that attacked The Wytch Queen.

If you encounter these cowards, or can identify them, we would appreciate it if you contact us with information. Wytch Queen, out.

The little group troops into Sickbay

"Cap'n! The prisoners, they're out of the brig!"

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Why did I just get an urge to say that?

Suddenly he drops dead in a narcoleptic fit.

Over the next hour or so, the last of the battle is resolved, wounds are healed or started healing, and explanations asked for and made. We now rejoin our story, already in progress.

Mmmmmmwwwfffzzzzzzzwhat?

Oh, wow! Why didn't anyone notice this before? A reset button! Just push it and we'll go back to the way it was before the O'Kak attack!

Pushes the button.

Nothing happens.

Pushes the button again, still nothing.

Pushes the button several times, then picks it up and looks at it.

Somebody forgot to hook the darn thing up!

Slams the button onto the console. The yellowshirt is reset to a redshirt who is killed when the console explodes.

Mike: By the time the original LICC hit six episodes they'd actually had five or six stories done. LICC 4 is at six episodes and it's been meetings and an O'Kak attack.

Joel: uh, huh...

rachdvl: All right if they're coming here we must stop them. Assemble all that's evil. They must go through the gauntlet of a hundred and one Darths

Mike: What are you watching?

Joel: Oh, K-NIT Kable is rerunning the final episode of JARSO.

Fluffy: Sensors indicate that the coordinate's the ship is heading for have been stretched out like a tunnel and we'll be encountering evil along the way.

Mike: That was a great episode.

Joel: Yeah. It's coming up to the point where Servo & Crow get crushed into a paperweight.

Servo & Crow: Nooooooo! Not again!!!

Jackson, who by this time has made his way back to the bridge, reports to Rikard.
Well, we've managed to get rid of the O'kaks, but much of the ship has been damaged. I think we can use the repair nanites to fix most of the damage.
Commander Milkshake is still down there, and will be back up whenever he can.
I've been looking over the sensor records of both the Atlantis and the Wytch Queen. I think what attacked the Wytch Queen was an O'kak warship, slightly larger than the one we faced.
Here's what the Atlantis recorded when she faced the main fleet...
Jackson puts the information on the main viewer. On the screen, a massive fleet of bad guys is assembled. Jackson changes the image to show after the first attack. The resolution is not as good as before, and much of the attacking fleet is gone, having been destroyed by the good guys.

"Sensors indicate that all innocent ships have left the Shannon sector."

"Drop out of hyperspace and prepare a firing solution!"

Once they destroy the Shannon Sector is the Doherty Sector next?

This board is up to 47 K!

Or at least it was until I posted.

Rikard nods after watching Jackson's report.
Very good. Quite a victory, but it's not over yet. Though that would be nice, we need to stop them before they have a chance to take further action. Bridge to Engineering, how's the warp drive.

Fisherman: Arrr! It's 'n good shape Cap'n. Ansh says this old tub can reach warp 9.

Rikard: Good. Then let's go. Best possible speed. We're repairing on the way. Inform the Atlantis and Eurasia that we're preparing to depart. And is the Wytch Queen nearby?

The engines start up and the Spidermobile takes off... backwards, then stops. An embarrased helmsman says, "Whoops!" Then the Spidermobile takes off again... forward.

So that's where reverse is! Now we don't have to be always going forward!

According to sensors, the Wytch Queen is about 2 light years ahead of us... the fleet we're looking for is 4 light years...

"Milkshake to Rikard, I'm on my way to the bridge. I'd like to discuss something with you in the Ready Room. I've given orders that the renegade G.R.O.S.S. members are to be held in Sickbay for the time being."

Aye sir, I'll meet you there.

Meanwhile, at K-NIT 47, a minor writer meets with the Evil Executive.
...and since sweeps are coming up, maybe we can do something to spice up the show... perhaps one of the remaining enemy ships could be filled with half-naked models who invade the Spidership...or something along those lines...

"We are ready to fire, boss!"

"Fine. Combat Alert!"

Combine a small hammer hitting a large anvil five times per second with glass scratching on beton and you know how the signal sounds.

"Range 100,000 km, width 1000 km, entry point here", he points a the tactical map, "and with a target vector right through the enemy fleet. 15% power in slow narrow mode should be enough for the first shot."

"Yes! Activate firing sequence!"

The command center fills with activity.

"Reactors at 90 ... 100%."

"Proto matter is dark."

"Target scanners are being realigned."

"Tachyon focusers online."

"Glowing orbs evolving at 100%."

"Recalibrating drift vector."

"Initiating soliton generators."

"Death ray alive!"

"Antimatter injectors ready."

"Field conversion matrix activated."

"Omega particle count nominal."

"Neutron flux ready!"

"Subspace warp inducer at 10% ... 12% ... 14% ... 15%. Ready!"

"All stations clear. Firing! 5 .. 4 .. 3 .. 2 .. 1 .. Fire!"

From the tip of the giant spacecraft shoots a deadly green beam. Nearly 100 km away it enters subspace, forming an eerie halo.

"System is ready for the next shot!"

"Let's wait first for the result. Just a few seconds..."

Meanwhile in the Shannon sector the battered fleet units are regrouping when suddenly the universe locally hiccups. A terrible shockwave bursts out of subspace and tears apart everything in its way. Whole squadrons try to escape desperately but even defensive formations with boosted shields can't help them. Only a few larger ships further away don't explode completely.

Seconds later it's over. Hot pieces of wreckage and ionized gas show the trail of destruction and burning ships radio for help.

The GWS was obviously right this time.

I like it! Run with it! You are no longer a Minor LICC writer, you are now a Major LICC writer.

A Redshirt holding a piece of paper walks up to Milkshake. "Sir, we got this communication from the DoS. It says we're going to be assigned a Political officer. We're to pick her up at the next ESG port we stop in. It says her name is Nan-" The Redshirt suddenly spontaneously combusts, taking the piece of paper with him. "What an incredibly convenient (for the writers) twist," Milkshake mutters.

And then what amounted to a shudder ran through the massive network that had been so carefully built by Taconator to run his machinations. With the fleet burning in space, the consciousness motivating the network knew that so many things were unnecessary now. And so, that consciousness withdrew, and what few O'kakians remained howled as their shipboard systems failed. And what Blue Fugates remained pitifully attempted to reinstitute communications in an effort at self-preservation. And what X-CwX remained simply lost consciousness, their organic components already beginning to decompose.

The last tendrils of Taconator's essence withdrew from the huge computer/engine that extended deep within the core of his desert world. And that same engine, grinding to a halt, made a sound like a star dying.

His 'son' stared as Taconator reformed himself, dropping like the liquid metal he was out of one of the many conduits lining the 'headquarters' on that arid world. Taconator formed himself back into a human shape, and simply stared at his progeny.

"Why do I even try?" he simply asked.

Meanwhile, on the Spidership bridge, two beeping sounds get Jackson's attention.
Josh, sensors show a subspace shockwave explosion in the Shannon sector. There seems to be the remains of a fleet there, but at this distance, I can't tell who they are...
Jackson checks the second beeping.
Josh, sorry to do this, but I just got a message from EarthSysGov. Butrfli and I just became their ambassador and offical greeter of the new XDCA. We'll back whenver we get done.
Jackson to Butrfli and the Butler, get the kids and meet me at the ship, I'll explain on the way.
fifteen minutes later, the small group has assembled on the Lucy in the Sky. Jackson, along the way, has explained the situation. The ship exits the bay, a green wormhole appears in apace, and the ship goes through.

"Captain--!" Rikard bursts out, in shock.

"I know, but something tells me we can trust them. They almost died getting me out of that trap, and if what Beta says is true, he might be the best weapon we'll have against Taconator. We'll take the necessary precautions--" Milkshake is interrupted by Jackson's message to Rikard.

"Take care, Jackson. Until we see you again." Milkshake says, then stands to leave.

A few minutes later...most of the bridge crew are gathered around the science console.

"Amazing." Milkshake breathes. "The Atlantis' scanners are right. The fleet's just gone. How did this happen?"

The spidership receives a hail from The Wytch Queen. Captain Biggens appears on-screen, and it looks like the bridge of his ship has been cleaned up somewhat.

Spidership, thank you for the information that you sent us regarding our attackers. We were surprised to learn that it was the O'kak, because the ship did not appear to be of a design normally used by them. Perhaps it was a new `secret weapon'?

He pauses as a crewmember hands him a PADD. He takes a quick look at it, hands it back to the crewmember, and gives him an affirmative nod before turning back to face the viewscreen.

The reason I have hailed you is to ask if you have any spare hull armor plating that we might have. We've repaired most of the damage that was inflicted upon us, but we found that most of the spare armor plating was either severely damaged or destroyed outright during the attack, when one of our cargo bays exploded.

He waits for a response.

Well, what else are you going to do? There's the universe, lying there helpless, just waiting for someone to conquer it and bend to his will! What alternative is there? Roll over and die? Let the universe conquer you?

(To himself he thought) Another historical record proven wrong. More of the fleet was to have survived the Shannon sector storm. Ah, well, the best laid plans of mice & X-CwX gang aft and a gley.

A powerful fleet is nice, but sometimes it can blind one to the strengths that one already possesses.

We have some ships left. They could be regrouped. We have the world engine. We could retreat. Either to lie low & build up a new fleet or to simply lead the Earth ships on a merry chase and lull them into a sense of overconfidence or cause them to exhaust their resources. But, of course, you understand the capabilities of the engine computer better than I do. I'm sure it has some surprises known only to yourself.

(Meanwhile back near the spot where the Spidermobile was attacked by the O'Kak, Robot Redshirt floated in space)

*sigh* I guess the attack damaged the Spidermobile's communication system. Or maybe mine were damaged when I was fired at the O'Kak ship? *sigh* I suppose it was too much to expect that someone might notice my absence.


The first 500 million years will be the worst. The next 500 million years will also be the worst. After that I'll go into a bit of a decline...

We just might, Captain Biggens, in one of our cargo areas near Engineering. I'll send a team down to take a look. The only problem is our armor's self-sealing stem bolts might have the wrong fusion activators to properly attach to your hull. If you'll send an engineer over, we might be able to work it out.

Agent Smith sits in a bare room with his hands neatly folded on a table in front of him. A can of Sluggo Cola sits next to him on the table.

Gettings internet citizens. Right now, as you sit in your comfortable seats, reading the adventures of the L.I.C.C. Perhaps enjoying a snack from the kitchen.

Consider this:

The active human body can generate up to 12,000 BTUs of body heat. Pure, precious, life-giving energy. It is unfortunate that your puny collective human minds could not figure out a way to harness this energy and put it to good use somehow. But that's besides the point.

The point is: in order to keep generating all that energy, your body needs to be replenished. So, drink your Sluggo Cola. We have Quotas to meet.

Taconator simply melts halfway into a puddle, and stares into space. At length, he replies.

"Do what you will, Funky Horror. You have command of my resources. Leave me be on my world for a while. I must...think."

...
And here a special warning: The Morbius Sensor Phalanx reports a massive subspace flare discharge in the Shannon sector. Do not enter the Shannon sector until further notice!
...

"Cap'n...it looks like a subspace flare's what took out the fleet. We'd better hold back..."

Adon sat in Zen Forward looking at the sensor readings of the subspace flare from the Shannon sector on a PADD. He took a sip of hot apple cider and leaned back in his chair.

Adon: "I don't know why, but something just doesn't seem right about this. But it looks like a normal subspace flare."

Gene: "It's not. There's an artificial spike in the UV and infared spectrums. I think that the flare was induced somehow."

Adon turned around and shot Gene a sour look.

Gene: "I didn't mean to look over your shoulder or anything, but the spikes are as plain as day."

Adon put the PADD on the table, and the screen changed to a set of controls. Three images of the flare data appeared in mid air above the table. Adon tapped the controls and one image changed to the infared view, another changed to the ultraviolet view. The center one remained in the visible spectrum.

Sure enough, the flare appeared in the over spectrums before it showed up visibly, which was unlike a normal subspace flare.

Interesting. Adon to bridge.

A fourth screen appeared before Adon, showing Commander Milkshake.

We may have a problem.

Delgado has spent much of his time after the attack in the holodeck, trying to hone his saber skills. Eventually, he decides to get back to work, checking in to see how the ship's redshirts fared against the O'kakians. First, though, he sits down in his quarters and sends a communication through to Earth, specifically to the DoS R&D department.

"Research and Development, this is Ensign Aven."

"Can you put me through to Commander N'nylf? This is Lt. Johansen Delgado."

"Certainly, sir, one moment."

Delgado sat back and waited as the screensaver depicted a few of R&D's more spectacular inventions, culminating in the saran wrap that didn't bunch itself up as soon as it was cut from the roll. Finally, N'nylf appeared.

"Ah! Johansen! Good to see you! How're things going with the LICC?"

"Pretty well..." Delgado proceeded to fill the Commander in on the recent fracas.

"Wow! Pretty amazing stuff!" N'nylf leaned forward, closer to the camera on his end. "So, how much of the goodies have you used so far?"

"Well, I've got the belt set up, as you can see. And the auto-recall feature works, I can tell you that. And the light saber came in handy, let me tell you-"

"Oh... well, that's not really a Light Saber, you know."

"It's not?"

"No, no, no. That's a first-stage Gartangan defense saber. It's mostly the same... but different."

"Oh. Well... it was usefull, whatever it was. I used it to get my Captain and me free from a stuck Turbolift. And some O'kakians got the buisness end of it, too."

"Great! Now... did you use any Blackout bombs?"

"Any... what?"

"Blackout bombs! Did you not see them? Something the boys downstairs cooked up- very cutting edge. The idea that is when they're set off, they disrupt the light within a 5 meter radius. Basically it's like someone turned off the lights, only worse. They don't do much against anything outside of the visible spectrum, but they can really make for a lovely distraction if that's what you need."

"Oh... well, I'll have to check that out sometime."

"See that you do."

"Well, that's about all the goodies I've used so far."

"Sounds good, sounds good. Let us know how they all work out. Oh, and Lieutenant..."

"Yes?"

"See if you can get me Enesku's autograph, will ya?"

"What the heck...?"

"Erm ... we fired as planned, but ... waitasecond ... hm ... now that's funny. Look here, boss!"

"Interesting. Chronitons. Lots of. And they certainly didn't came from our little toy here."

"Right, it seems that somebody else from a different time aligned his shot exactly with ours and cleared the whole area there. Very few surviving ships."

"All together now: Temporal mechanics give me a headache. In fact they do even before I start thinking of them. Horrible."

"Yes, boss. Do you have an idea who could be responsible for this? The signature of the second wave is unbeknownst to our database."

"I hate to say it but - I don't know. Let's meet with the LICC. They should find it out."

Temporal mechanics are actually very simple to undertand, as I learned in Time Travel For Redshirts 101 at the Academy. All you need to know is a basic grasp of cause and effect principles. For example, when I trample on this cockroach here, I could be deciding the fate of an entire Galaxy-spanning Civilization!

crushes cockroach and is instantly erased from History

Hey, take a look at *that* hunk a'junk!

Yeah, whoa, we could really use that! It's a robot, right?

(The vacuum cleaner extension emerges from the underside of their ship, and scoops up Robot Redshirt)

(One of the scavengers approaches the Robot once he is safely inside the hold.)

Hey, you. What's your function?

Hooking up words and phrases and clauses.

(In space above Taconator's world The Funky Horror & Aztiram* sat in a spacecraft heading towards the remainder of Taconator's fleet. To himself he thought,) Things have not worked out like they should have. GW1 disappeared. The fleet that was supposed to keep LICC & the others busy is practically decimated. I guess they will exagerrate this particular battle in their reports. The remainders of the fleet will hardly delay them. I seem to have misjudged Taconator's condition. He hasn't shown many signs of degredation. Have I overestimated it? Can I have been so desperate to find a cure for my condition, that I assumed his condition would be so bad that he would need me healthy?

* His cat, in case you forgot.

(Meanwhile on Hypertortuga, a woman appears out of the shadows in front of Lord Vapor & Queeg, she gestures to the viewscreen and says)

As you can see most of Taconator's fleet has been destroyed. His world lies open. Ripe for plunder.

Lord Vapor: Taconator still lives!

If you can call that living.

(Lord Vapor's black, smokey form undulates in annoyance)

Well, yes, but your form is natural to your species. Taconator's form isn't despite all the thousands of years he has held that form. And that should give you an understanding of how best to deal with him.

Unless you wish to give up all that future technology just waiting to be taken.

Lord Vapor (stared at Myriad for several moments): Queeg. Launch the fleet.

Adon and Gene stood on the bridge, with the viewscreen showing the subspace flare, and other relevent data.

As you can see, this flare wasn't natural. Someone caused it to happen somehow. Although we don't know how they did it, there were several strange readings that appeared just before the flare appeared.

It is our belief that this was a weapon. Someone has the ability to create devistating subspace flares, a very dangerous ability.

That doesn't sound very useful. Shall I kill him?

No! You don't go destroying valuable robots. We'll just set him to work on menial tasks.

Nothing wrong with Subspace Flares. I find they go very nice with my six-inch Orbital Platform Shoes. Besides, Subspace Flares are coming back in fashion - it's the retro 2270s look, you know!

trips over her unfeasibly high platform shoes and breaks one of her long nails. The nail shard lodges into the side of her neck and she bleeds to death.

Hello, new robot. Welcome to the menial task squad. Here I am, brain the size of the planet, and what do they ask me? Marvin, go clean the decks. Marvin, go close that door. And I've got this pain in the diodes all down my left side...

Well, we'll just leave the two of you to get acquainted. I'm sure you've got a lot to talk about.

(exits, leaving the two robots together)

Looking at the viewscreen.

Interesting, isn't it? Dumm-Dee-Dumm.

"This is not good. Could it possibly have something to do with...we'll consider that later. Helm, full stop. Insane, hail the Atlantis and advise them of our findings."

I'm sending the data. Do you want to say anything to them?

The turbolift opens, and Alex steps onto the bridge.
Well, the repair nanites did a good job cleaning up and fixing the fighter bay doors. The fighters, including the experimental ship are safely in their berths. From what I've heard, the experimental ship may not see a lot of action...

"No, simply advise them of our status. And...have they been informed about the G.R.O.S.S. personnel we've picked up, yet?"

Sir! Reporting for duty, Sir! Am I gross enough for you?

Suddenly he vomits up bright red blood all over his shirt.

Ugh! My shirt is now an unsightly red color!

Staggering, he backs into the turbolift again, which immediately plummets down and crashes.

"Oh, yeah, we've also got a few G.R.O.S.S. personnel here. That's right. G.R.O.S.S. No, I can't remember what it stands for."

They weren't answering. Nope. So I left a message on their machine. That's right. Yep.

"No, Pete..! Too late now. All right, let's get everyone on repairs. Taconator might be minus one fleet, but the cheese himself might be still alive. ... I'm not looking forward to Captain Jansen's return call."

Over at the Pseudoscince station.

Aha! No wonder!

Jadlad adjusts some controls on the Pseudoscience station and the mineshaft on the Spidership disappears.

Somebody mucked around with this thing before we left. There's no mineshaft on the ship now.

He looks at the readouts.

Except now we have plaid hallway walls, lavender ceilings and paisley floors. And nobody go in the holodecks without protective eye gear or you'll go blind.

Sigh. I'm working on it.

(The doors to Artsy's quarters close, and Morgan begins heading down the corridor, altogether relieved that both Artsy and Quito are all right, after the rather horrific near-takeover of the ship. But, as usual, something has been nagging at his mind, and so instead of directing the turbolift to Deck 3 and his quarters, he goes directly to the auxillary shuttle bay, which was basically untouched by the attack.

The bay is empty and echoing. And in one corner of the bay, resting quietly, is the red intelligent bulk of Seeker. Morgan almost tiptoes to the living starship, and lays one hand on the oddly warm surface. And concentrating...he manages to summon his faltering telepathy.)

Seeker...are you awake?

"SILENT ONE...HELLO."

Shh...I would like it if she did not hear us, please.

"I SEE."

Whoever is in charge of communications (unless its one of the regular crew, in which case its a blueshirt, instead) turns to the Captain.

Sir, Captain Biggens has notified us that he will be sending over two of his ship's best engineers to help refit the armor plating. He has also requested permission to visit the spidership as well. It seems he wants to discuss strategy for dealing with the O'Kaks. It seems he's seriously ticked off at them for attacking his ship.....

I could delete the message from the Atlantis' machine.

Okay, Indexo referred to GW1 as Gene. On the Spidermobile is a Gene Woodward.

Windward.

Whatever. Are they supposed to be the same?

Well, that would be quite a plot twist since GW1 is female & Windward is supposedly male.

Maybe their Genes have been spliced?

(Ensign Duella First went down to Sickbay to see her sister, Lt. Carol First)

How is she, Doctor?

Holodoc: Sleeping. She's recovering from the virus, and the injuries she sustained while fighting weakened her somewhat.

Well, I hope she gets better seeing as this is her last mission on the Spidermobile.

Dramatic Music: Duh duh DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!

(Duella jumps) What the fnord was that!?!

Holodoc: There's been some damage to the holographic systems because of the O'kak attack. However since repairs to the ship take priority it will be a while before they can repair it.

Oh.

Holodoc: So has she been transfered?

Yes. To the same ship as her boyfriend.

Holodoc: Who.

Idontknow.

Canned Laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

What the...?

Holodoc: Just try to ignore it.

What was this about there being a second Carol seen around the ship?

Holodoc: Apparently the shapeshifting spy took on her form when the O'kak attacked the Brig, but it must have taken on another form sometime after that as it hasn't been recaptured.

Dramatic Music: Duh duh DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!

That's terrible.

Holodoc: Yes, but it should just be a matter of time before it's recaptured. Apparently it's not very bright, so it will probably take the form of someone who is no longer on the ship.

(at that moment 'Robot Redshirt' walks past the open Sickbay door)

Canned Laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

That's annoying.

Holodoc: Yes. Very. Shall I let you know when she's awake.

Yes. Please do. So she'll be all right?

Holodoc: Of course. Unless something unexpected happens.

Dramatic Music: Duh duh DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!

Holodoc: Now cut that out! (throws holographic clipboard at speakers)

Canned Laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

(Holodoc puts his head in his hand while shaking his head)

I... I think I'll go now.

Canned Laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

(picks up the holographic clipboard)

This board is at a 103k!

Canned Laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

(Meanwhile the Space Scavengers didn't seem to realize what kind of trouble they picked up. The Redshirt Gods seemed to take new pleasure at causing trouble when Robot Redshirt was near. Consoles would explode when he sat at them, turbolifts would plunge when he was on board them, an airlock blew open as he walked by. It wasn't long before most of the (surviving) crew was afraid to be in the same room with him.)

That stup!d robot! He can't be set to any work without something happening and giving *us* more work!

Maybe we could sell him at the Tech Market?

(they indulge in some cunning laughter)

Muha ha ha ha!

Has anybody seen Rocket Ranger? I want to compliment him on his fine work he did on the Experimental Ship.
Canned laughter: ha ha ha ha!
Alex: Cut that out! That wasn't a laughing matter!
Sound Effect: Wa, wa, wa waaaaa!
Alex: Sir, when will the holosystems be repaired and we can be spared of this goofiness?
Canned Laughter: ha ha ha ha ha!

You are correct, sir! Ha ha ha ha!

Here's a useful tip I learned at the Academy, Sir: if you can't laugh with them, just laugh at them.

Suddenly the holosystem activates a fire suppressant forcefield around the redshirt, suffocating him in a most unpleasant and protracted manner

Raucous laughter: WAAAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! WOO! YEAH! [applause]

Note: This post was made before a live studio audience.

Thank you, thank you all! Do you want to see more of me?

Audience: YEEEEEESSSS!

Oh, OK then.
Ahem... is that a corndog in your pocket or--

Suddenly his holoprojector malfunctions, robbing him of his lungs, causing him to asphyxiate slowly and painfully.

Audience: WOOOOOOOOOOO!!! YEAHHHH! [much applause] We want more! We want more!!

"Pete, get the nanites to work on the holoprojectors, immediately!"

Chortling

Right away, Commander!

Hi. I'm Chortle, this is my brother Chortle, and this is my other brother Guffaw.

Delgado is on his way back to the bridge, wondering what happened to make the decorations go all to hell. His mood certainly wasn't being improved by the constant laugh track following him, either. His travels brought him across three redshirts, all saying strange tangential things to one another. One of them leans over to Delgado as he approaches.

"We've discovered that you can make the speakers explode if you keep at it long enough."

"My speakers need tightening!"

"Ah ha haha ha ha!"

"Is that a parakeet or a sock?"

"AH HA HAAH HA HA!"

"Supper Puffin' Excalibur?"

"AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Without warning, the increased volume on the speakers caused them to simultaneously explode. The shrapnel from the explosions, unfortunately, embedded itself in the three redshirts, interrupting the plaid/paisley motif with their remains.

The hallway walls slowly change back to normal. Then Jadlad stops working for the moment, turns and speaks.

Well, I managed to fix the hallway walls. I'm still working on the ceilings and floors.

The holodecks, holoprojectors and speaker problems seem to be a different malfunction altogether.

Audience: "The holodecks, holoprojectors and speaker problems seem to be a different malfunction."

Canned Laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

An appearently damaged ship jumps out of warp and hails the Spidership. A beautiful woman appears on screen.
Modelizer to Spidership, we are survivors from the Shannon sector. Our ship is heavily damaged, and the crew and passengers are scantly-clad supermodels making their way back to Earth. We could use some help... taking over your ship! Get 'em ladies!
As she says this, the familiar transporter pattern appears on every deck of the Spidership. The pattern resolves into groups of heavily armed and scantly clad beautiful women. On the bridge, the leader steps up to Commander Milkshake.
Do you want to surrender now, or should we be rough for a bit?
Audience: WOOOOOOOOOOO! Yeah, baby!

Artsy, sitting by Quito's bedside, silently (so as not to set off the speakers) hums a lullaby. As peaceful as the thoughts are, washing the artist in simple, gold-shaded white, there is a flash of another color at seemingly random intervals.

The little alien seems not to notice. She snuggles down into her blankets, tired out from her adventures during the battle with the O'kaks, and falls asleep quickly.

In spite of her own weariness, Artsy is drawn to the table where her unfinished project sits. She stares at it, willing herself towards the other end of the room, and rest. It doesn't work. Artsy moves, but ends up in the chair, hands darting forward to alter some tiny detail, color brightening and shimmering within the cocoon of her concentration....

Now that's^* entertainment!

^*See Supermodel Invaders on Monday, May 05, 2003 - 09:46 pm

Supermodels - Originally from the triplanetary system of Anorexia, Siliconia & Airheadia they blew up their own star for outshining them and also for being too fat and old. Since then they have roamed the spaceways wearing skimpy clothing, high heels and capes (they are Super, after all) and taking what they want. No one method works on all Supermodels, but some are easily outwitted, others can have their vanity used against them, and high-calorie chocolates have been useful against others. However this Encyclopedia makes no guarantee that any of these methods will work should you find yourself under attack from them.

A redshirt was walking down the hallway when Jadlad was trying to fix the floor holoprojections, when suddenly the floor under the redshirt disappeared and the poor redshirt crashed down onto the next deck.

Canned laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

(as Duella First walked down the hallway (a different one) the Intruder Alert Alarm went off)

Not again!

Canned laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, great, the hologlitch has spread outside of Sickbay.

Dramatic music: duh duh DUHHHHHHHHHH!

(she quickly moved down the hallway heading for the nearest armory, but when she got there she heard unfamiliar voices. Quietly sneaking over to the conveniently open doors she saw Ensign Ardluck tied to a chair near the door while two Supermodels argued about something farther in the room)

(whispering) psst. Ardluck, what happened?

Ardluck (also whispering): These two volup... err, viscious women...

Canned laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

Ardluck: ...captured me, tied me to this chair, and are now arguing over which one is going to torture me with the sensory overload techniques of Erotia VIII.

Don't worry. I'll free you.

Ardluck: Do you have... err, that would be great, thanks.

Canned laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

Men! (she shook her head) This would never happen if Frangelica were still here.

(as she started to untie the rope there was a sudden gust of wind and she found herself yanked up by her red hair) Owwwwwwwww!

Bym-Bo: What are you doing with my prisoner?

Tra-Lup: Your prisoner? He's my prisoner!

Sound effects: Oooooooooooo....

Bym-Bo: We'll talk about this after we deal with her! (she yanked Duella back up into the air)

Ow! Ow! Ow! (Duella was dropped to the deck where she began crying) Oh, what else could I do? What chance does a girl like me have with a guy like that against a beautiful intelligent woman like yourself?

(Bym-Bo smiled and puffed out her chest at the flattery)

Tra-Lup: What about me?

Oh, puh-lease! She is truly the most beautiful and smartest one here.

Bym-Bo: That's right! I have the most brains because I have the biggest breasts!

Canned laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

(Bym-Bo moved with superspeed and smashed the speaker)

Tra-Lup: You also have the most wrinkles, old one!

Bym-Bo: Old one! I'm only thir... twenty-six!

Tra-Lup: Yeah, I was at your party... five years ago!

(Bym-Bo attacked Tra-Lup who fought back, with punching and clawing and tearing. Meanwhile Duella untied Ardluck, although he didn't seem to notice until Bym-Bo & Tra-Lup managed to knock each other out)

Ardluck: Did you really mean what you said about having a chance with me?

(Duella slapped him upside the head)

Ardluck: Owwww!

Answer your question? (she glanced at the unconscious supermodels) That's two out of the way, but how many more? (she checked the hallway to see if there were any others around)

Ardluck: And given how fast & strong they are they could probably take us out before we could fire a weapon at them. Unless...

What?

Ardluck: Ummm, wellllllll, they might think you were one of them if you were dressed like them?

(Duella glared at him)

Hallway speaker: Ooooooooooooooooo...

All right, I know you're there!

(Suddenly a scantily-clad young woman/girl rushes at First and Ardluck down the corridor, raises her spear, then stops when she realises who it is.)

Oh, it's you.

Ha ha ha ha!

I AM HEEEEEERE!!! Bunny season!

The Furby jumps the supermodel leader from behind, places a Casanova kiss on her and drags her to a holosuite.

Do not disturb!

Available on pay per view. Rated XXX.

(suddenly Duella & Ardluck put their hands in the air)

We surrender! We know you are too powerful a supermodel for us to defeat.

(Enesku, noticing their eye glances & head jerks, glances at the hallway behind her and notices several supermodels have just turned the corner.)

Hallway speaker: Will the Supermodels believe that Enesku is also a Supermodel? Will we see Duella walking around in lingerie and a cape? Will Ardluck hyperventilate and pass out at seeing so much feminine pulchritude on display? Tune in next time! Same LICC time! Same LICC station!
(plays theme music) Nana nana nana nana LICC 'Em!!!

That canned laughter is really getting annoying.

Canned Laughter: "Ha! Ha! Ha!"

Enough of this.

Gene quickly drew his revolver and shot the speaker that kept sounding the laugher. The laughing sputtered out and fell silent.

There we go. That's much better.

Then about 30 communication screens appeared in a sphere around Gene, all of them read "sound only" and all of them laughing.

Does this kind of thing happen often around here?

What kind of thing?

Oh, you must be new here.

Canned laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

Delgado is still walking through the ship when he finds himself surrounded by a herd of about a dozen Supermodels. Unfortunately, they didn't take long to notice him.

"Look! There's one of the crew!"

"Ha ha ha ha!"

"Let's get 'em!"

Thinking quickly, Delgado pulls out his saber and activates it, prompting applause from the speakers.

"Stand back!" he bellows, "Unless you are prepared to face the wrath of my... ugly stick!"

The supermodels freeze, their faces reflecting a tumult of emotions ranging from shock, to surprise, to absolute terror. They quickly turn and flee, emitting a chorus of shrieks so powerful, three redshirts sitting in their quarters four decks above spontaneously combust!

Delgado watches them go.

"Okay, time to have some fun..."

"Oooooooooooooooooo!"

"Oh, for the love of..."

Let me at them, Sir! I'll sort them out!

The redshirt's hideous face causes one of the supermodels to wince and trip over her Versace stilettos. She falls and inadvertently headbutts the redshirt, smashing his glasses into his eyes and breaking his calcium-deficient spine.

"This'll do it."

As out of thin air, a new combatant appears, quickly stuffing a personal cloak back into his pocket. He wears a tacky paper crown and is covered in coporate logoes.

"Supermodels, beware! None can stand against my grease-o-matic weapons and lardo bombs! Take a blast of sausage gravy! Cower before my garlic-butter beams! And try my deep-fried candy bars! Wahahaha!"

Commander, maybe the replicators can make lots of greasy and and fattening foods...
Computer,
But before Alex can get the words out, one of the invaders turns him around and begins passionatly kissing him. Little does she know that he has been chewing deep-fried gum, which he spits into her mouth.
Model: EEW! get it out, get it out!
Alex: As for other ideas, we should make them take tough quizes. Maybe that would make their heads explode or something...

Forget the replicators, I have unlimited fat!

Why so complicated? I have attached a pheromone dispenser to the life support system. The effects should be visible in a few seconds.

...

Ah! Very good!

...

alt-Furby to Furby! I have ten and you only one - hihihi! Oh girls, call me Elvis.

What? How embarassing for me! Waitasecond...
~~~
Oh.
~~~
Cute.
~~~
It's 47:10 now, my dear brother. The holosuite here is now running a harem program.
~~~
Hm, I think your pheromones work too well. Even a few female crewmembers are here now...

(on deck 6, section 9 a group of supermodels are startled when two scantily clad women land before them)

SW: Stop, evildoers! I am Sexy Woman and... uh... (long pause) I guess that's all I had to say? (scratches head) Do you have anything to say NymphoBabe?

NB: Yeah! Let's go to a bar and pick up studs!

(Sexy Woman & those supermodels think that sounds like a great idea, so they all go off in a speeder to the nearest Space Bar)

(meanwhile on another deck, two supermodels have used their glamour to turn male crewmembers into their slaves)

Hel-En: Oh, look. Two more men coming here to serve us.

Byu-Tee: What's that device they're riding in?

Hel-En: It doesn't matter. (primping, turning on the charm) Soon they will be our slaves, like any other man.

Byu-Tee: They don't seem to be slowing down.

Hel-En: They're just under our spell and can't wait to come and serve us.

Byu-Tee: ummm, just to be on the safe side, maybe we should get out of the middle of the hallway?

Hel-En: Nonsense! They can't hurt us! What kind of man can resist our charms?

Byu-Tee: uhhhhhhhh, gay gu...

(they are run over by a train)

Cabooseman: They should have known better than to wear those red frilly shirts on the Spidermobile.

Trainman: Yes, my longtime companion. They should have.

Both: Ha ha ha ha!

(Trainman and Cabooseman kiss)

(meanwhile in a nearby space bar)

When I get my hands on the fraggin' bastitch who arranged this cameo...

(at that moment Sexy Woman, NymphoBabe and a group of Supermodels enter)

Okay, maybe I'll let him live... this time.

(Enesku, Ensigns First & Ardluck are surrounded by a group of Supermodels)

Good job... (looks closer at Enesku) Who are you anyway? And where's your cape? Do you want people to mistake you for an ordinary model? (she looks at the speaker) And who was talking about licking something?

Canned laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

Are you laughing at me? Are you laughing at me?

Canned laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

Grrrrrr! Me ain't dumb, you know! (to one of her minions) Rip the wall open and get the person responsible!

Canned laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

(the Supermodel rips the wall open and reveals KAM sitting at his computer)

KAM: Oh, [CENSORED]!

Pay no attention to the nitpicker behind the wall!

Just then the pheromones start to work at the group of women and KAM is in an even more complicated situation than before.

There's an author that didn't leave the ship! Oh great creator-deity, save us from the supermodels!

(During the misunderstanding, Enesku, First and Ardluck have managed to slip away.)

Duella, we'll try to replicate some clothing like they have and try to act ••••••. Ardluck, try to act like a prisoner. Act like you're thoroughly miserable and scared, and try to wipe that look of mesmerized enjoyment off your face.

(to the Foolish Redshirt)

Actually he did leave, but the Author storyline was actually the second time KAM had found himself on the Spidermobile. I suspect that he, like myself and other characters from other universes, was drawn here by the ship's Weirdness Magnet and will eventually go back to where he came from.

(then the Doctor vanished with the unusual sound effect)

Kra-ka-licc!

Acshually KAM has been on a Shpidermobile (1 & 3) at leasht 4 timessss... *hic* Onze when The Kitchen Sink waz thrown overboard, onse ta paint a picshure of the crew, wunce in thu Arthur shtory, an' now. *hic*

Ah, but who really cares about nits anymore? Barkeep, fill 'er up. *thud* Zzzzzz...

An Evil Executive Assistant wanders into the Evil Executives's office and watches tv with him.
So, how's the invading supermodel storyling going?
The Assistant reaches for a glass, which he spills all over the table.
Whoops, sorry about that.
Canned Laughter: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
When did you install that?

Now do you see that awful pixie, Brannon Jr.

Yes, dad.

Well that is a Continuity Pornographer. And do you see what Continuity Ponography does to you. It turns you into a worthless drunk. So never, ever become a Continuity Pornographer, son.

No daddy, I won't! Can we go to the park?

Of course.

However after a while Brannon Sr. forgot he had a son and left the park without him

Jadlad comes out of his mesmerized stupor long enough to remember what Alex said. So Jadlad dimension hops around the ship asking the same question to the Supermodels while trying to avoid eye contact.

"Two trains are on a head on collision course. The trains are currently 65 miles apart. The North bound train is traveling at 55 miles per hour and the South bound train is traveling at 80 miles per hour. What is the distance between the trains two minutes before they collide?"


Oooooooooooooooo!!

The last Supermodel Jadlad asks the question of starts crying uncontrollably.

Supermodel: Waaaah! No fair! You're makeing us use...our brains! Waaaahh!!

Jadlad recognizes her voice.

Jadlad: What the? Suzie? Suzie, my old high school girlfriend?

Dramatic Music: Duh duh DUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!

After a while, chasing after the models with his "ugly" stick becomes tiresome, so Delgado decides to amp up the fun quotient. Little does he know that his plan is about to backfire! He pauses for a moment to fiddle with his belt, and soon a small rod appears in his hand. It's about six inches long and a bright, glowing green.

"Duh duh DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!"

The supermodels have their backs against the wall... literally. They have found a dead-end in the Spidership corridors and are now trying to figure out a way to get out of this mess. Delgado pulls up in front of them.

"Okay, you asked for it!" He throws down the rod in his hand, and by this time you really should have guessed that it's the infamous blackout bomb. Unfortunately, right before the bomb goes off, he realizes he has no way of protecting himself against its effects, but he has no time to adapt as it detonates and the corridor is plunged into darkness. The air is filled with shrieks, canned laughter, dramatic music, and catcalls as the models scramble over one another in confusion. When the bomb's effects wear off, Delgado is stunned to find that the models' clothing is now just a pile of fabric on the ground! He finds himself being slowly... well, rapidly... mesmerized...

"Duh duh DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!"

Meanwhile, on the set of LICC: the Series, the choreographer has a stroke trying to figure out how to shoot this scene as to make it suitable for television...

Delgado, still falling for the Supermodels' charms, wonders idly why he keeps forgetting his own name...

Suzie: *Snif.*

Jaad'? Jaad' Lad Hu'tt?*

Jadlad pulls down his mask so she can see his face.

Jadlad: Yes, it's me. How did you wind up with these women?

Suzie: It's a long story. No time to tell you about it. I gotta go. Buh-bye.

She makes eye contact with Jadlad and kisses him and the camera follows her as she walks down the corridor.

Audience: Woooooooo! Yeah, baby!

The camera pans back to Jadlad and shows he is mesmerized again.


*Jadlad's real name is Jaad' Lad Hu'tt for those who don't remember or never knew.

I hope Jackson and Butrfli get back soon... we could use Butrfli's powers...
Feeling a tap on his shoulder, Alex turns around. He is faced with a naked supermodel, who looks like his fantasy woman.
Um.. hello...I have a tough ques...
With that, she kisses our hero, she finishes, and the camera pulls back. Alex is mesmerized, with a dull look in his eyes.

What's that noise?

(Just then, the telepathic link with Seeker is snapped and a bevy of beauties break into the bay.)

Rikard, with pistol and lightsaber ready, hides in a doorway as he hears footsteps approaching. Not knowing who's invading the ship, he's slightly confused to hear what sounds like someone walking in high heels. As they come closer Rikard leaps around the corner of the doorway, saber up and pistol pointing at the intruder. Upon seeing the very attractive brunette, wearing high heels and not much else Rikard drops the gun and nearly the saber with it. He grins very widely as he gawks.
You're the intruder? The model slowly moves closer to the dumbfounded first officer.
Supermodel: What's the matter? Don't I look hostile?
Rikard: Not really.
Supermodel: Good. She slowly pushes him toward the nearby wall. She glances down at his rank.
Supermodel: Hmm. You have authority. Power. I like a man with power.
Rikard: Is that right?
Supermodel: Yes She slowly begins to kiss him. Rikard begins to return it, but a loud bang brings him out of the mesmerizing experience. The model goes limp and falls to the ground. Standing before him is Ensign Duella First, holding the lead pipe she used to knock the model out. Ardluck and Enesku are nearby. A shocked, embarrassed, and slightly horrified expression is on Rikard's face for a second before he tries to cover.
Rikard: Ensign First, um, thanks for that but, you know, I had that situation under complete control. I had her right where i wanted, um...
His voice trails off. They look more than a little skeptical.

Looks like you need to stay with us, for power in numbers. (looks mischeivously at Duella) And looks like we're getting ourselves another prisoner.

Meanwhile a Supermodel is harrasing Grant Lopez, and he does not find that amusing. "Go away!" he yells at the half-naked redhead. "Oh c'mon fly boy. I love pilots. Wanna join the Mile High club?" "I quit that club after my wife and I split. And frankly it's not only overrated but those bathrooms on shuttles are- HEY! That's none of your dang business! Get bent."

Sorry, sir. (she rolls her eyes) I guess I misread the situation. But as some these Supermodels have superspeed & strength, I didn't think you could... handle her.

Canned laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

As Ensign First and her group stand around talking in the corridor, Alex and his captor approach from the other direction.
Supermodel: Hi! Look what I've got! He's gonna show me this really cool ship he has. It this amazing phase cloak technology that we can use for ourselves and get us anywhere we want...
You want to show me this stuff, right?
Alex, speaking with a stereotypically hypnotized voice: Yes, I want to show you that stuff.
Model: Hey, I don't recognize you. What part of the Modelizer are you from anyway?

(Carol awakens to see the Holodoc being harrassed by two half naked Supermodels. One is wearing an outfit on her left side, the other is wearing an outfit on her right side.)

Ry-Tee: Oh, come on. How can you resist us?

Holodoc: Your charms don't work because I'm a hologram.

Lef-Tee: Ooooh, I had a singing hologram once.

Canned laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

Well, this is the strangest nightmare I've ever had.

Holodoc: Ah, Lt. you're awake.

Are you sure?

Canned laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

Ry-Tee: Never mind about her! Let's play Doctor.

SFX: Oooooooooooooo...

Holodoc: I am a doctor.

Lef-Tee: Then you should know what to do.

Canned laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

(Carol struggled to sit up)

These don't look like O'Kaks?

Holodoc: They were were driven off. This is another groups of invaders.

Ah. How long was I out?

Ry-Tee: Not long enough!

Canned laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

Lef-Tee: Yeah. We can arrange for you to be out again.

(Carol got out of bed)

Don't bother. I'll just grab my stuff & go. Which locker was my stuff put in Doc.

Holodoc: Number 47.

(Carol goes over opens it and sees her big gun was placed in there as well. She turns and sees the two Supermodels scowling at her)

You know, that's a good way to get wrinkles.

Both Supermodels: *gasp* No! Say it isn't so Doc! We don't have wrinkles, do we?

Holodoc: Uh, well, maybe little wrinkles.

Both: Oh, nooooooooo! We're hideous!

Maybe the Doctor can give you an injection? (she says as she covertly sets her gun to Heavy Stun)

Holodoc: Huh? Oh. Oh, yes. I just happen to have some quadrobotox. The latest thing for treating wrinkles.

(Holodoc picks up a hypospray filled with sedative. He sedates one and Carol stuns the other Supermodel)

Well, that's two down.

(Carol starts to leave the Sickbay)

Holodoc: Oh, Lt.

Yes?

Holodoc: If you're going to go out fighting you might want to wear an outfit that isn't open at the back.

(Carol blushes as she realizes she's still wearing a hospital gown)

Canned laughter: Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, well... you know... that side where you can see the stars. *giggle*

Oh, and speaking of stars, this device (she holds up the lead pipe) can let you see stars without a window. You wanna see? (puts on a really big grin) It's really nifty! (Con-dy agrees) Okay! Just stand there. (Duella holds up the pipe and hits Con-dy on the head)

Klang!!!

Crew, I want this supermodel situation taken care of. We're still in dangerous waters.