Ix. n 1. Boy who cannot adequately explain what a Hrung is, nor why it would choose to collapse on Betelguese V.

LAST TIME ON LICC...

The seemingly interminable Taconator storyline seems to be nearing its end, as the villain's Engineworld is under seige on all sides. Meanwhile, The Funky Horror was betrayed by his own father, and is now seeking to help the League. The GROSS 3 have stolen a Siliconian ship and are heading towards Taconator's planet to mount their own attack.

Oh, and Lopez and Plevyak are missing. Lopez has been modified in some way that makes women ogle over him and gives men the need to impress him.

We are the Anonymous. Resistance is futile. You will be anonymized.

AAaaaaaaaaa!!! I've been anonymized! I can't remember who I was or what I look like anymore!

Why do these things always seem to happen in the middle of a battle?

Quickly! Someone activate the identity field before it's too late!

There! Found it! Reinitializing identity field... now!

with the identity field reactivated, the crewman suddenly realizes he's wearing a nylon red shirt, which suddenly builds up a large charge and electrocutes him to death

Over the COMM
Ok people, here's what we do. Target the nearest Frogstar ship and fire Hellbores at it! Once it's shields are weakened, give it everything we've got.
Gremlin, I'm piloting an experimental ship that Rocket Ranger developed. I'm not actually aboard it, but remotely piloting it aboard the Spidership. One of the interesting features on the ship is a phase cloak. Meaning, I can get inside enemy ships and do massive damage from the inside. In fact, I used it when we battled the O'kaks not to long ago.

Yes! It's so good to have an identity again!

The redshirt then goes somewhere, something happens, and somehow ends up dead. No one cares.

Over a secure Pirate COMM channel

Arrrgh! There's a remote control ship with a phase cloak aboard! Start broadcasting interference patterns to break contact so we can seize that ship! Arrrrrrrgh, out.

At Hypertortuga, Dark Vapor is monitoring the battle and is not happy at what is happening, suddenly he senses a disruption in the force field

Dark Vapor: Myriad?

A pair of glowing red eyes and a deep, baritone voice answer

No.

The eyes fade and reform in another part of the room

DV: That trick might fool a solid, but I did such things when I was a child. Who are you?

The duck that quacks in the night?

Fades and reforms

The man who put the boom in shaboom?

Fades and reforms

A pretty suited sailor?

Fades and reforms

No. I'm...

Fades and reforms completely into her normal appearance and attacks

Shadow Senshi, Dark Knight of the Abyss!!!

Lord Vapor fades and she passes through him

DV: I thought that fool Lord Smoke was the last when I killed him centuries ago. He lashes out a solid tendril about her leg I guess the Abyss found another fool... Aaaaa!

He screamed as Shadow Senshi cut through his tendril with her knife

Actually, he hung on. Long enough to pass on his legacy.*

Dark Vapor absorbs his severed part

DV: The artifact... Yes, I see it now. However he didn't teach you the proper way to fight one of my kind.

He disperses as Shadow Senshi dives forward, then she stands looking around holding her knife at the ready and then Lord Vapor forms behind her and sticks a tendril into her back and partly solidifies it

Aaaaaaaaaaaa...

DV: Ah, solids, always assuming there is something safe about that state. Now I think I'll just remove that artifact of yours.**

While he gloated, he didn't notice Shadow Senshi altering her tri-bladed knife and didn't worry when she threw it and it split into three parts and boomeranged back. He was surprised when he found out the blades had been phased to a near-gaseous state*** and rejoined in him

DV: Noooo!

Shadow Senshi broke away and said weakly

I believe that's mine.

With a motion the knife returned to her bringing with it the Ancient artifact that was within Lord Vapor****

DV: Nooooooooo! Foolish child! Do you think that will stop me? I have other weapons at my... He was stunned to discover that his weapons were coated with blackness What have you done? From around him came the sound of Hypertortuga buckling under stress What is going on?!?

Ever heard of Dark Matter? While we've been fighting I was using my power to attract it to here.

DV: Nooo! You can't! You wouldn't! That would destroy both of us!

Maybe. But it will definitely destroy you. Say hello to Lord Smoke and the rest of the Dark Knights. Shadow Senshi absorbed his artifact and returned to the shadows as the accumulated dark matter collapsed Hypertortuga, destroying Lord Vapor, and causing an explosion that registered through several layers of subspace & was even felt in real space. While Hyperspace itself survived, any pirates that survive the space battle will have a nasty surprise awaiting them when their preprogrammed ships take them to Hypertortuga's former coordinates

* LICC3 XIV

* * The artifact that gave her a second chance of life.

*** Even though we haven't seen her do this trick before, the blades would have to become shadowlike when she does

**** All Dark Knights had been given an Ancient artifact to help them in their fight to defend the helpless & fight those who violated the peace. Lord Vapor turned against those ideals, but he still had his artifact.

The Engineworld, now visibly damaged, begins shedding its atmosphere and broken crust, revealing a glittering hull containing the mechanism of the planet, and even more weapon and tractor ports. The Spidermobile is once again locked in a multitude of tractor beams, and is quickly being drawn towards the planet.

In Dimensional Cartography, the unattended consoles start to squeal and flash, as a dimensional event with amplitude off the charts begins to form in the immediate region of space.

{12 of 10 runs into Dimensional Cartography to see what is going on.....}

Jackson:I'm on it!
Jackson quickly steps up to Tactical and presses the fire button. Once again, all the weapons at the disposal of the Spidership fire towards the Engineworld. They strike true, causing even more damage to it. Parts of the world ship turn into Jello and tapioca pudding due to being hit by the Polymorph weapon. Meanwhile, the fighters are being attacked by the enemy fighters.
Alex: Ok, ladies and gentlemen, let's give them everything we've got!
And soon an epic space battle takes place.

Meanwhile, Jadlad starts to feel the effects of the rift.

Whoa! I don't feel to good Cap'n. Whoa! I sound all funny too. What's goin' on dude?

He tries to dimension hop and promtly falls to the floor.

Whoa! That ain't right, I wasn't able ta leave man. And it didn't feel good either. Well, least I was able to keep my lunch down.

Ya better send me to the doctor dude to check me out before I accidently hurt someone Cap'n. Before whatever is happenin' ta me starts ta affect my sense of reality.

He looks at the bridge crew and sees three of everything.

Whoa! Too late! That can't be good. I'm seein' three of everything Cap'n!

He turns towards the camera.

Why do things like this never happen to my old man?

Since an epic space battle requires the fighting presence of every able-bodied crew member aboard, a faded-orange Artsy, still peeved at her late entrance into the supermodel fight, has Quito teleported to the care of the Butler and rushes to join Seeker in his docking bay.

Launch under combat conditions is hazardous at best, but Seeker reassures her that he has been working to coordinate with other fighters. They might just make a difference in this fight.

Artsy piggybacks her sending on Seeker's as they flash from the docking bay into a multiple-fighter firefight. Alex, where do you need us?

It isn't till they are in the middle of the fight, and Artsy has been deep in the familiar fighting meld that Seeker taught her that she feels something else.

What is that? she asks.

Seeker's sending is tight with the tension of expected pain. TEARING. DO NOT ENTER [xxx] COORDINATES. DANGER, HUGE, SHATTERING... The sensation is suppressed as Seeker sheilds that portion of his sending. COME, FIGHT!

Artsy has no choice but to fall back into the meld and direct Seeker towards the convergence of three Frogstars on a single LICC fighter....

Psst, authors, there are other ships besides Frogstar Fighters out there. Frogships, Bullfrog Bombers, and probably other types as well. Be creative.

Suddenly Seeker is attacked by a Mantisship and a Scorpionmobile.

Nice shooting Jackson. A few beams are out but there's no way we can take enough out to break free. Not for another few decades anyway.

What in the world is going on out there?

Looks like a space battle, sir.

(At his station next to the Dimensional Stabilizers* the sensors begin picking up some odd readings. He accesses a remote feed from the Dimensional Cartography sensors.)

Great Googly-Moogly! What the fnord just happened?

Bridge, there's been somekinda explosion in Hyperspace! Even though the epicenter** is hundreds of light years away the dimensional scanners are going crazy!

I estimate the force as a IX on the Dominguez scale.

* Yeah, this was established during the Negative Zone story on LICC3

** The position in real space that corresponds to the estimated Hyperspacial coordinates of the center of the explosion

Looks like that dimensional disruption is messing up Taconator's plan to open a dimensional rift.

She then fires a missile at a white sphere-shaped pirate ship which is slamed into several other pirate ships and sends them spinning off in different directions

Yeeeehawwwwwwwwwww!

Ok, boys and girls, take down the shields of that Frogstar Bullfrog out there, and I'll do the rest!
Several of the pilots converge on the Bullfrog and begin firing Hellbores. Soon, there is a large gap in the shields. Alex activates the phase cloak, but nothing happens.
What in the world? I'm being jammed! Well, I can fix that...
Alex presses another button and the jamming signal is instantally jammed itself.
Now, get out of that one...

=/\=I've got a Frogship on radar. Lets try a Kesselman Maneuver and blow her straight to hades!=/\=

"Gremlin's" squadron moves into a classic Wing formation and heads toward the Frogship. About halfway there the wing fans out and the ships rotate into sort of a sideways wing (with ships on top and bottom instead of the sides of the lead ship)

=/\=Its time to light this sucker up! OPEN FIRE!=/\=

The fighters all open fire on the Frogship, eventually causing its shields to drop. The fighters keep pounding on it, causing major damage.

=/\=I got this covered. Back off and find another target, team!=/\=

The wings on "Gremlin"'s Shadowbat fighter change position and two weapons pods open up, one on each side of the cockpit.

=/\=Take a bite of this!=/\=

A dozen blue energy bolts fire from each of the weapons pods, striking the Frogship and causing significant damage when they hit. It is obvious that the Frogship is severely disabled from the assault.

"-ding now. Testing... testing... one two, one two... good, new tape works.
Day 95.7: After several days of ceaseless waiting, at last I get to see some real action. Over the last few hours the tension of the atmosphere has been palpable, like a sheet of rubber across my face. Or was that the escape suit? No matter. The last few minutes seemed to fly past with the pre-flight checks and starting up trusty old Hawkflint one more time. The prospect of facing a thousand enemy ships filled me with fear. Or maybe that was the suspicious-looking Dentrassiburger from the cafeteria. In any case, it's too late to go back to the toilet.

"Just bagged me an Arrow Poison Dodecahedrone a few minutes ago, having had three over my six. Dunno what happened to the rest - I hope Gremlin's boys and girls got them. I gotta buy them a beer or two when we get home alive. Hawkflint's holding up well, shields only down to 43 per cent. I've been in worse scrapes than thi-- wait, ten, no, TWENTY Toadies with tracking torps towards my tail... no, this IS as bad as they've ever been. Computer, pause log entry! Hawkflint to fleet, requesti---"

"--ording. That was far, far too close. Hawkie's hindplate took a pasting, but I'm OK, hull integrity otherwise peachy, lunch still within stomach. Might be able to limp home once this inferno is over. Now, that Bullfrog up ahead... this might take a while... gotta sign off now while we're busy. Boy, if my Old Man could see me now... Computer, end log entry and divert emergency power to--"

Delgado's screen at the Spare Crewmember station suddenly becomes active again, with a small, anthropomorphized paperclip popping up in the corner of the screen.

"It appears that you've become irrelevant to the story-line. Would you like some assistance?"

"--king waste of space. There, that's better, now, my mind's cleared up nicely. Back to.... hmmm, Computer, why is my diary recording now?

Multiple Malfunctions: Trigger stimulus malfunction, override compromised, and "Record" button stuck.

Well try and get it fixed before we get a new wave of fighters coming toward us, OK?

Affirmative.

Thank you. .... .... Pressure steady, shields 3 per cent.... Blast it, Baron Two, where are you? Two? Come in, Two! Two! TWOOOO!! No! DAMMIT, NO! NO! NOOOOO!!!

Flight recorder repaired.

Right, these Toadies are toast!! Now I'm REALLY pis--"

Alex presses another button and the jamming signal is instantally jammed itself.

Wow! Ratliff himself couldn't have written that scene better!

Suddenly Alex Dupree turns into an annoying 12 year old girl and carves "I was beaten by a little girl" into the hull of a Bullfrog Bomber being blasting it to smithereens.

That should read 'before blasting', not 'being blasting'.

Alex looks down at himself and then at his controls.
Great, the Polymorph weapon must have backfired...but one, I never fired it, and two, how would it affect me when I'm on the Spidership? Oh well...
Alex stands, sets his Slayanator to Polymorph. He then sets another setting to "normal" fires at himself, and he's back to his old self. Briefly checking the results, he sits back down and begins firing at Frogstars again. Meanwhile, on the Bridge...
Jackson: Josh, I have an idea...maybe we could beam several quantom and molecular torpedos to the Engineworld at several critical places...they'll explode, causing all the more damage.

What we need to fight the evil ones is a fine example of Shakespearean method acting! Take that, thou vile minion, you!

Suddenly the redshirt ac-torr is disembowled by a vicious-looking iambic pentameter

Drat. I knew I should have taken up Vogon poetry.

Exit, pursued by a coroner.

"Spidermobile....this is the New Dolphinmobile...if you can hear us, you must break the tractor beam and leave immediately! Spidermobile, you are in grave danger, well, not like you aren't already, with the weapons and the tractor beam and all the pirates--"

"We don't have the time, 'Star!"

"Sorry. Repeat, Spidermobile, this is...KZZTGHH!"

From the newly bared metallic surface of Taconator's Engineworld, the battle is an awesome spectacle of violence and light. The actinic glare of antimatter explosions, the shining of various energy based weapons, and the penetrating pulsation of the polymorph rifle are reflected by the mechanical sphere like a mirror, albeit a mirror marred by weaponsfire constantly impacting the surface and carving great rifts into it. One sparkling
light in the distance grows ever closer, and brighter, and closer...

From our viewpoint, we see the recognizable flare of shields dropping around the starship as it grows ever closer, and then three columns of light flare into existence nearby. The transporter beams are barely resolved when the starship, clearly the captured Modelizer, plows into the side of the planet some hundreds of kilometers away from where we and the newcomers stand. Angstrom, ShootingStar and BetaMax, all in shielded pressure suits, simply watch the destruction of their latest flagship for but a moment, then, consulting their tricorders, set off towards a large structure in the distance.

A moment of silence please for Del-Ta, Les-Byan and all the other captured Supermodels who were still on the New Dolphinmobile, nee Modelizer, (see last board) when it crashed.

Taps plays

[Drip]

[Drip]

[Drip]

"Hey Boss I never told you this, but I am really proud to be your wingman sir." An almost hopping Brad Plevyak says. Lopez groans. Great, he thinks, the Models didn't give an off switch. Why won't people stop following me?!? He reaches a room with an open door. He sees that it is the weapons locker. He also sees that the female guard for this locker is on her knees whimpering because Grant initally failed to notice her. "Oh this sucks," he mutters under his breath. He reaches for a plasma rifle, and turns to look at the little Grant Lopez cult that has formed behind him. "I stand corrected, THAT sucks," he sighs dejectedly. "I bet not one of them likes me for my personality." He starts to head for the bridge (a quick look out a porthole revealed that they were indeed on a ship).

Josh, the crash of the Modelizer has left a large hole in Taconator's ship... I bet we can take advantage of that. We can fire into the hole ourselves, or we have the fighters go in and do as much damage as they can...

Glares at First.
Thanks Ensign. I didn't mean the battle.

Good idea Jackson. We'll get the capital ships to open fire on that spot. Bring us about and prepare to fire.

Jackson: Hold on... according to the sensors, Angstrom, ShootingStar, and BetaMax are on the Engineworld!
Meanwhile, the space battle continues. The combined forces of the Spidership and Wytch Queen fighters are taking their toll on enemy ships. Part of a Frogstar Bullfrog mysteriously erupts in explosions, and soon afterward, Alex's ship decloaks nearby.
Alex: another one bites the dust! I love this phase cloak!

What are they doing (BLAM!) Are they in League with Taco (BLAM!) nator?

If so, they must be stopped! (BLAM!) I'm going in after them!

(He flies his ship down to Engineworld, in pursuit)

Milkshake finally reaches the bridge

"Tell me (Boom) that (Crash) we're still in one piece, Number One."

More or less.

"--ty-three percent. One Froggie at four o'clock closing in fast. Request backup. Over.

Systems malfunction. Flight recorder activated, fuel dump engaged on tank 3, logic circusdf78w9a4ehaorf sdfgsdwervf ert5lkghsrt... anything you can do, I can do better.... oh Aunty Em, Aunty Em, there's no place like home...

Great, now the computer's gone battle-damage crazy. Just like Flight Officer Planck's one did last year when it thought it was Hamlet.... Looks like I'm on my own here, this could make life trickier than normal. ... Dammit, Froggie, will you get off my butt already!

Sensors detect one Frogstar Bullfrog at 0.5km followed by TWO PRETTY PINK FLUFFY CLOUDS on the horizon! WHEEEEEE

Shut up!

And Computer, please stop that tape now! It's distracting me from my flying here!

As you wish-ish-ish-ish-ish-ish-ish? Fish, you say? Eats you fishieesss, my precioussss...

Fine, I'll switch off the tape myself. There, that shoul--"

The Spidership and a few fighters are rocked by a strange energy emission from the Engineworld. Surprisingly there is no damage but several staff members suddenly feel dizzy for a moment. Afterwards they have memories of an additional week-long adventure in a strange parallel universe. Oups.

"Sir, it seems Taconator's dimensional generators have been damaged. We should keep a safe distance."

We should keep a safe distance, but that darn pesky tractor beam is preventing us.

suddenly a tractor is beamed over the redshirt and he is squashed underneath

Alex, where on Engineworld are the GROSS 3? Send me the coordinates, I'm going in!

(He switches channel to Jimlad's fighter.)

Cover me, Crewman.

"We must hurry before he detects us."

"I don't know which of these are power conduits and which are communications relays."

"Blast them. Whichever throw off sparks are conduits."

BLAM! BLAM!

"Enemies detected. Range: 122 meters."

"'Star, we've got to hurry. I will hold them off."

Sssshoooozzzz!

"As rapidly as possible, please."

"Alright, sweetie. I haven't dealt with electrical engineering since I was six and had to plug in lamps at my grandma's really old house. THERE. You plugged in alright? Beta?"

"Thhhheeee ppppooowwwwweeeerrr iisssss oovvvvverrrrwhhheeelllllmmmiiiinnnnggg.....Iiiiimmmm afffraaaaaiiidddd tooooo usssssse mmmmmmyyyy abbbillllliiiittttyyyyy....."

I'm aim all our weapons at the tractor beams!
With a press of a few buttons, the weapons change their focus to the remaining tractor beams. Under the barage of heavy weaponary, the tractor beam generators, along with much of the surrounding area, explode in pyrotechnic fury.
We're free of the beams, Josh. We can aim right into the hole, or we can begin making another one at the other side of the Engineworld...

Turns to Milkshake.

Shall we fire Captain?

Don't fire him, he's doing a decent job!

Suddenly, laughter erupts around the K-NIT viewer, echoing throughout the viewer's home.

Taconator's pockmarked and pitted 'face', such as it is, appears on the viewscreen.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, LEAGUE. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU HUMANS ANY MORE, I JUST WANT MY SON."

Milkshake is still a moment.

"Number One, fire."

And then, before he can react, Taconator begins to change. His liquid form dissolves and reassembles several times, then hardens into a shell, then, amazingly, flesh begins to grow on him. What little of the innards of the Engineworld that are visible on-screen, also begin to change, futuristic components becoming bulkier and larger.

"NO! NO! Nooooooo!!!"

From what we can see, Taconator is once again his original, comparatively primitive cyborg self, as he originated in the KILL universe.

"How did you do this? How did you? Oh no, the dimensional reactor!!"

And then the screen is filled with white light, and the transmission ends. On the screen now is an image of the Engineworld, shimmering and becoming transparent. Milkshake jumps from his seat.

"Recall the fighters! Get Insane out of there!"

And then the Spidermobile begins to change as well...the holographic viewscreen becoming a flat-panel display, and the virtual consoles sprouting knobs and push-buttons...

(PD Insane's ship is relatively unaffected, being already knobs and push-buttons. Two escrot fighters drag him out with a tractor beam, as he protests vehemently but incoherently)

Lopez and Plevyak manage to figure out the controls of the Anorexian ship fairly quickly (although al the butons and levers were clearly designed to be operated by emaciated hands), and Lopez has amneged to get Plevyak to focus on flying instead of winning some type of fatherly approval from Lopez. AS the ship begins to come about, a migraine inducing warning alaram goes off. "Oh what now," Lopez groans. "Oh God did I do soemthing bad FC?" Plevyak stutters in despair. "No. Just check the sensors." "We got three ships coming in. Two of them look like the kind of troop transports the ESG used about 50 years ago, but they seem to be in good shape. The warhsip with them is," Plevyak smiles. "Sir, it's the Equalizer!" Lopez cheers. He starts to hail the Andafi ship commanded by the former LIC flight commander, but the ship turns and moves menacingly towards them. "Uh-oh. They think we're the bad guys," Lopez sighs. This is not turning out to be one of his better days. He then realizes he never relaly has good days, just ones that aren't that bad. "This is the Andafi battlecruiser Equalizer to Anorexian ship. Surrender and prepare to be boarded." Lopez breathes a heavy sigh of relief. "He didn't shoot first, thank goodness." He hits the comm buton, almost breaking it in the process. "Boss! It's me Lopez! This Anorexian ship is a non-combatant, repeat, non-combatant!" "Grant? Holy ••••, how did you get your hands on a, aw hell you can tell me later. I'll beam right over. Who's there with you?" Jason Kiehart asks. "Just Ensign Plevyak sir. And I don't think beaming over is a good idea. In fact I think you should enact a Level 1 quarantine." "Level 1? Refresh my memory on that Grant, I only know that Level 4 is for highly contagious terminal illnesses." "Level 1 is for NON terminal, but highly contagious. I'm OK, but whatever experiments the Siliconians did on me has tunred the rest of this ship's compliment, including my fellow pilot, into gibbering idiots who treat me like a God figure." Lopez could almost hear Kiehart's smirk. "And this is a bad thing?"

Alex blinks, then realizes that he can't see. Removing his helmet, he realizes that the once holographic controls for the experimental ship have become an old-fashioned arcade game. On the screen is a three-dimensional view of space. He reaches for his Comm badge, only to notice that it has been transformed into a bulky communicator.
Alex to the bridge, what just happened?
On the Bridge, Jackson takes a look around. He notices that the women all seem to be wearing shortish skirts, and the men sleeveless tunics.
Steve, sensors indicate that we were caught in a dimensional wave as the Engineworld departed. Different parts of the ship seem to be in different time periods... I guess that would explain why there is a disco in the briefing room.

"Day the 95th and three quarters. Mine trusty metal steed Hawkflynte hath returneth us with safety from thy almighty fray that be the Engineworld, providing escort for mine master. My steed be bloodied, but unbowed by this experience. Alas, my squire Computer hath been possess-ed by daemons of madness and is unable to continue on foot. Couldst be the effect of thy Dimensional Wave? Methinks so. Mayst explaineth why mine diarie spouteth Olde Earthe mediaeval chopp'd-logic 'stead of Standard Englishe Tongue. Must cease writing, for mine rear ramparts still be buffeted by Enemy forces, Powder Vault 3 still be leaking precious fuel, and mine memory pen beginneth to run ou--"

Deep in the thick of the battle, Seeker and Artsy have been fighting furiously, their telepathic meld far more effective in this kind of quick-changing attack. Artsy can feel Seeker's efforts to shut her out of his dimensional awareness, but that fact finds no place in her tight focus.

...At least not until a wave of disorienting pain shatters whatever control she shared with Seeker. The universe spins, colors flashing, flaring, patterns falling to pieces, shifting all out of sequence.... With a violent effort Artsy reaches out, trying to pull it all back together, as she does with her art. Pull!

Black numbness surrounds her, no other voices, the silence of dead space. But the surface under her hands and knees is yielding and familiar--still her ship. The quiet is unnerving. Seeker...? she tries to ask, but there is no reply. At the edge of her mind a shivering echo lingers, but Artsy can make out no words, no concepts. "Seeker!" The echo strengthens but remains inarticulate, flashing her back to the day she heard it first, in a dimension of reddish flame. Artsy tries to send towards the Spidership, to someone who might be able to recieve, but without the meld to carry her thoughts she has no telepathic ability. Terrified in a dark that shows no color, Artsy reaches for the meld again....

Alex: Alex to the fighters, is everybody alright out there?
Red five: We're just find, Commander. Only, when Taconator's planet disappeared, the fighters...changed...some of them have become futuristic, while others have become amazingly primitive. It looks like the Wytch Queen's ships experienced similar effects.
Alex: Alex Dupree to "Gremlin", how you're doing, buddy?

I'm an apostrophe!

Jadlad still feeling strange, tells the Captain what has been happening to him. Then he manages somehow to made it down to sickbay with two of the Brady triplets' help. He didn't seem to be fully aware of the changes that have taken place around him.

Shortly.

Holodoc: You were right to come here. The frontal tri-lobes in your brain that you use when you open dimensional portals are in a state of flux. Normally I'd use a nueral stableizer. But in your case, it might do more harm than good. I sugest you simply try not to use your dimension hopping powers again anytime soon. There's no telling what would happen.

Jadlad: Major bummer dude!

Holodoc injects him with something.

Holodoc: But this however should clear your head and ease your stomach ache.

Jadlad stops seeing three of everything.

Jadlad: Thanks doc.

Holodoc: Although my scans can't prove this one way or the other, but you aren't a full blooded Skilark dimension hopper are you?

Jadlad: No. My mother's human.

=/\=I'm fine, Alex. Fortunately, I learned how to fly on an old ship with controls similar to what this one has now. But since The Wytch Queen only has one other Shadowbat, I hope there's a way to reverse this transformation! (pause) Fortunately, it seems not all of the other fighters in my group were affected. 3 of them escaped unchanged, and are heading back to base as we speak. (pauses) Gonna have a hard time explaining this, though.....=/\=

"-his is the Hawkflint speaking. Our systems are prety much screwed here, all our tech has been reversed by some 2,000 years, yet ol' Hawkie's still space-tight and not falling apart. My phase cannons are replaced by bows and arrows and my torpedo launcher is now in the shape of an old-style cannon. My computer system got fried in the last battle and has gone battle-crazy. (Oh the hills are aliiiive with the sound of --SHUT UP!) Apart from that, still keeping her together using this newfangled chains-and-pulleys system. Am currently escorting Lt. Insane's fighter back to safety. Will be returning to Spidermobile to drop him off soon. Could you pass on a message to Old Phyll: I'll be coming home once I've done that, so get dinner ready for me. Hawkflint out. (Blasted answer-phone, they're never in when I ne--)"

And another ripple of uncanny obsolesence flutters throughout the bridge, this time affecting not only the technology but the bridge design and decor. All bridge crew tumble to the newly bared metal decking as their task chairs disappear. Milkshake's blue state-of-the-art crysteel armor seems to dissolve in places, leaving him in protective but hardly advanced Neuplate panels.

"Whoever's closest to the companels, call the fighters back, call everyone!"

"Sir we just received a message from the DoS. Apparently an Andafi warship found the ship that took Flight Commander Lopez and Ensign Plevyak. They also say it's under a Level 1 quarantine."

A female blue(bikini)shirt steps out of the bridge's turbolift and approaches Milkskake. She's holding both the Furbys.

"Sir, something really strange happened a few minutes ago. After a pheromone overdose we and many other female crewmembers were quite ... busy with the Furbys in one of the holodecks when suddenly everything changed. The tropical island became an indoor swimming-bath with very cold water and the Furbys started to act strangely."

"Well, that's normal."

"No, Sir. Look at this!"

She carefully pressses the Furby's belly. He laughs.

She carefully pressses the Furby's back. He purrs.

She carefully "feeds" the Furby. He belchs.

"See what I mean? Ok, the belching is normal."

"Fine, then we can finally stop issueing contracep...err... I mean, that's terrible! I hope the other Furbys don't find out what happened!"

Milkshake shakes alt-Furby.

"Frell you!"

Jackson rushes to the nearest companel, which seems to be an old-fashioned CB radio. After a few false starts, Jackson manages to contact Alex.
Alex, we need you to get the fighters back to the ship. Strange things seem to be happening.
Alex: I know. From what I've heard, most of the fighters have turned into early shuttle fighters, and the rest seem to be transforming into airplanes. They're already heading for home, and should be here in a few minutes. The Frogstars, on the other hand, seem to be turning into Pollywog ships. The controls that I use for my fighter are reverting again... this time into a black and white monitor and a joystick. Alex out.
Jackson feels something getting heavy. Looking down, he sees that his armor has changed into metallic, iron armor that ancient knights used to wear. At his side is a short-sword.
Steve, as soon as the fighters get back, we're going to have to get out of here before we revert to a sailing ship or something...
Sensors are having trouble picking out what's going on. There's too much dimensional energy out there...

Well, it's good to hear they found Lopez and Plevyak. Is Taconator's world still there?

Helm, back us away, full impulse. If we still have tractor beams, let's use them to pick up the fighters.

(at a side-console)

No tractor beams, just this thing called a 'grappler'. Is that normal?

As Jadlad makes his way back to the bridge after a heated conversation with the Doctor. He stops when he notices the turbolift has been replaced with an early 20th Century elevator.

Elevator operator: Where to sir?

Jadlad: Umm. The bridge?

Elevator operator: Yes sir! Goooiiinnnggg Uuup!!

Shortly after being stuck between floors. The elevator reaches the bridge.

Elevator operator: Here you go sir.

Jadlad: Thank you. Do you like your job?

Elevator Operator: Well, it has its ups and downs.

Just get back the fighters any way we can. Use--

And on the viewscreen, now merely a flat-panel plasma display, the vague outline of Taconator's world shimmers one last time, and disappears. With it go the uncanny waves of obsolescence.

Watching the viewscreen, Rikard comments,

Um, is that a good thing?

Well, we've only got one grappler so it may take some time...

(sees Taconator's world disappear in the viewscreen)

... but I don't think we need to be really urgent. What the [EXPLETIVE] happened there?

(in his fighter)

Hey! What's going on? What happened to the GROSSers?

Steve, something is emerging from the spot where Taconator's world disappeared...
Sure enough, on the screen, a small light appears and explodes, sending a wave in all directions. When the wave hits an object, the object is restored to its original form. When it collides with the Spidership, the Spider is restored to its former glory, personal armor is restored, and the Furbies are back to their normal selves.
Well, that was easy enough...

I feel something terrible...like the groans of long bored viewers who were crying out in interest...then were suddenly silenced...

And then Jackson wakes up, and feels arms picking him off the floor...

"Captain Dupree, are you alright? You must have fell and hit your head."

Jimlad's fighter returns with Insane's to the Spidership docking bay, but a redshirt in a space-suit - which has sadly reverted to one of those environmental suits from "The Naked Time" (TOS) - has to use a wind-up mechanism to open the docking bay doors. He is then blown out into space just before the two fighters come in.

(Ensign First, looking like a 1970s feminist, is holding a tin can on a string to her ear)

Reports from several decks report different areas of the ship have reverted to obsolete versions. No doubt this is an effect of Betamax's power. We should probalby check our records to see if there is anything that can reverse it.

(Lt. First, looking like a 1960s hippie)

Like, fer shure, sis, why don't you just like, you know, put on a costume and call yourself Ms. Obvious?

Hey! Why did my TV set suddenly turn into an old time radio?

A redshirt discovers his communicator has turned into a cell phone and uses it to report the strange occurence. Unfortunately the poor unsuspecting redshirt didn't realize the dangerous side effect of the broadcast waves and he gets brain cancer and dies... 47 years later.

(meanwhile untouched by the obsolescence waves the Chameleonmobile is analyzing the situation.)

Cyber 9: What just happened?

Spidora: Somekinda energy has caused various pieces of equipment to turn into older versions.

Cyber 9: Can we reverse it?

Dragonette: Unknown. It's unlike anything in our database. I could attempt a magic spell to reverse it, but without knowing more about the cause it could worsen things.

Cyber 9: Contact the Spidermobile, if that's possible, and find out what they know about this. (pause) Who knew my joke about stone knives & bearskin tech would come true?

(the surviving space pirate ships had managed to get back into hyperspace and were returning to Hypertortuga)

Arrr... blast it all! This is a dark day, but we shall retur... What the...?

(the ships reached the hyperspacial coordinates of where Hypertortuga used to be)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo....!!!

(several weeks later, in real space, a Galactic Order patrol found the remains of several ships, twisted, distorted, some even merged together. No survivors were found aboard, but they did find bodies, twisted, distorted, some merged with other bodies, some merged with metal).

Patrolman 1: Any clue what did this?

Patrolman 2: None. The DNA tests have shown that all the bodies were wanted criminals. Oh, and you know that one that was turned inside out?

Patrolman 1: You had to remind me of that one before lunch?

Patrolman 2: That was the infamous Queeq.

In the K-NIT dimension

Oh, no! My computer has turned into a quill pen and parchment!

Announcer: And now K-NIT Theatre Of The Mind presents the next thrilling installment of The League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions!!! Presented by LIX Soap Bubbles, the perfect compliment for bubble pipes.

Last time on LICC, Taconator was finally destroyed...

SFX: The sound of inhaled air followed by a pop.

Announcer: However the ship underwent a strange retrogression of technology.

SFX: Dramatic Music.

Announcer: And now for tonight's episode: Everything New Is Old Again!

SFX: Incidental Music, followed by sound of muffled footsteps approaching quickly, door opening

Ensign Ardluck: Whew! The Bridge is still here!

SFX: Door closing, muffled footprints going away

Studio Audience: Ha ha ha ha!

SFX: Pop & rushing air sound

Lt First: Why look! It's Cyber 9 using his teleportational powers to appear here on the bridge!

Cyber 9: I see you've redecorated since I was here last. Is there anything I can do to help?

Ensign First: We were thinking of moving some couches up here. You could take one end.

Studio Audience: Ha ha ha ha!

Cyber 9: Very funny, however I... I... ohhhh...

SFX: Sound of crashing to the deck

Lt First: He's collapsed! Quick, beam him to Sickbay!

Ensign First: Transporters have been retroed. The only beams we have are part of the ship.

Studio Audience: Ha ha ha ha!

Lt First: You two redshirts pick him up and carry him to Sickbay!

2 Redshirts: Okay!

Ensign First: No! Bend your knees!

SFX: Sound of bones breaking

2 Redshirts: Owww! Our backs!