The final board of the trilogy, dude.
(Puffs on his pipe)
Whoa, colors...
Pass me that pipe, man.
*Koff* *Koff*
Far out, man!
Who said trilogies have to end at 3?
That's crazy talk.
Hath it ended already?
No. The long pauses are intentional for purposes of contemplation.
(The actors are relaxing waiting for the next shot to be set-up)
Peri: ...so my agent thinks I should do the movie, but I'm concerned about the nude sce... (notices the camera) Oh, bugger, we're back on!
(The actors scramble to get rid of drinks, food, sandwiches and get back into position)
Director: Cut!
And then a knight rode by and chopped off the narrator's head.
picks up the narrator's head
A new bowling ball!
Yayyyyy!
Now we can play Nine-pins again!
Is there anything worse than have to clean out the lumps of hair after the Hobbits turn the shoes back in?
Try Hobbiton Wines. Made from grapes personally stomped by Hobbits. Ask for it by name wherever fine wines are sold.
(Picking up from where they left off on the last board...)
Peri: The next board? What is that supposed to mean?
Red (Shaking his head): Huh? Oh, sorry. Landing on my head, again, confused me. I'm fine now.
Peri: All right, but let's get out of here before those wascally Warrior Wabbits wake up.
Red: Yes, let us be off and far awa... (He steps on a hidden trap and a wooden board knocks him out) *Thwack* Owww! *Crash*
Peri: Oh, the gods of this dimension have a droll sense of humor.
Yes, we're definitely on a droll.
Rimshot
(suddenly Peri & the Red Knight are surrounded by more armed Wabbit Warriors as well a human wearing clothes atypical for this dimension, including a lab coat and a pair of bunny ears)
Oh, hello. We have vic... er, visitors. Welcome, welcome. You must come to my humble abode.
(the Wabbit Warriors point their weapons at Peri & Red)
You must.
Now don't worry about my friends. Sure they're big, fierce, carniverous, and experts with deadly weapons, but it's not like they're an army.
Well, okay they are an army..., but they're a cute, cuddly, fuzzy army. (he huggles one of his Wabbit Warriors) Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Now come along or you'll be late.
Peri: Late for a very important date or the late Peri Hotter & Red Knight?
(Helping Red stand up)
Speaking of which Red, do you have a real name?
Red: That is my real name. That's why I became a knight & painted my armor red. Be a rather silly name for an accountant or farmer, don't you think?
(Glances around at the big bad bunny battalion)
Although it's at times like this I wish I'd listened to my mother.
Peri: Did she have good advice for dealing with a legion of lethal leporines?
Red: No. She told me to become an accountant or farmer. She thought being a knight was too dangerous.
Red: Halt Dragon!
Red: We be the brave knights Red Farmer & Red Accountant.
Dragon: Now that's just silly.
Red: You won't think it's so silly when we kick your scaly tail all over the countryside!
Red: Now, hand over that kidnapped princess!
Dragon: Why do want her when you already have a 'hoe'.
Red: Make fun of our weapons while you can for soon you shall be in a world of hurt!
Red: En garde!
Dragon: Ooooooh, a sharpened pencil. I'm quaking in my scales here. You can put an eye out with that thing.
I'd rather be dead than Red.
A sword gets shoved through his body by a member of the People's Peasant Party
Oh, drat.
Can I rephrase that?
*thud*
(a short trip later and Dr Franq, his warrior wabbits, and Peri & Red arrive at Dr. Franq's castle)
There it is! The Lop Lair. My home away from home, or should I say my hutch away from hutch. Hee hee hee.
It will also be the headquarters of when I rule this land with a furry iron fist! Muhahahahahahaha!!!
Ooops! Probably shouldn't have mentioned that.
Oh, what the heck. It's not like I'm going to let you go or anything. And I just can't help telling visitors how I'm going to conquer the world. Hee hee hee.
(Peri & Red are led to the dining hall where they are served lunch by wenches dressed as Playboy Bunnies as Dr. Franq explains his plans for world conquest & some history about himself)
...but surprisingly the overloading doubletalk generator didn't destroy me, but instead cast me into this dimension. For years I sought to find a way out of this dimension, but was finally forced to conclude that escape is impossible.
(suddenly into the dining hall appears Soyburger Patricia)
What the JARD?
The DDDDS Dimension?
Well I'm not staying here!
(and just as suddenly she teleports to another dimension)
Cursed irony!
Just like when I say 'Things couldn't get any wor...' Whoops! Better not say that again.
Bunny Babs, more ale.
(Running toward where Soyburger Patricia had been)
Wait! Take me with you! I'm from LICC too!
(Pause. Glances at The Red Knight)
Oh, and... um, rescue Red from the clutches of this evil lunatic.
(To Dr. Franq)
No offense.
When Peri says she's from LICC she means the dimension, not the team.
Shot of an empty living room as a tumbleweed blows by the TV.
(When it becomes obvious that Soyburger Patricia will not return)
Well, um..., about your plan... how are you so certain that everyone will eat the tapioca?
How can they say no one is watching? I mean we're watching. Right? (pause) Right?
(looks up from reading Supermegatopia) Huh? What? Were you talking to me?
Oh, they don't need to actually eat the tapioca. It will be enough if they just slather it all over their bodies.
Panel 1: Peri Hotter escapes from a castle to find...
Panel 2: Phil with a pickup line that just can't fail...
Panel 3: But no one was watching so no one knows what happened next.
Panel 1: Guffaw, Chortle & Chortle encounter...
Panel 2: Agent Myth looking threatening...
Panel 3: Then the Sexy Mages of Gryphonmerv show up and distract everyone.
Panel 1: Gabby the Bard, looking for a scoop finds...
Panel 2: Smeg the Dragon eating curry...
Panel 3: Then a crossover with LICC happens and everything goes to Hell.
Panel 1: Prince Defiant, looking for a magical sword, finds...
Panel 2: An army of Warrior Wabbits armed with tapioca...
Panel 3: Then KAM is lynched, ending the whole thing.
Peri (still in Dr. Franq's lair): Eeeeeeeeeeeeeew! That's disgusting Phi..., er, Dr. Franq.
Red: He's not the first person to attempt to conquer the world, but the big problem is having enough troops. Why you'd need an army that can reproduce like bunnies to... umm... er... well... I guess that explains your army. Hmmm... So, uh... what do you plan to do with us?
Oh. I'll probably stick you in a cell in the rundown part of the castle guarded by Otto, poor man, blind in one eye, trouble hearing, has the shakes & trouble sleeping, then just forget about you.
Ha ha! Just kidding!
Obviously I would like to use any knowledge & abilities you have, but naturally I can't trust you, so I'll have to separate the two of you and if one of you betrays me, the other will be killed.
Now who's ready for desert? Chef has whipped up a carrot cake to die for.
Panel 1: The Red Knight, having survived another lightning bolt, runs into...
Panel 2: Princess Marsha, armed with a mace, catapult & attack weasel...
Panel 3: Then JDeus accidentally deleted the whole thing.
Greetings Gentle Sir!
MUTAMBA BIN OSAMA doth be my name, and I do require thy assistance in a matter most urgent. It doth seem that the ruler of my land hath died most suddenly, and verily do I have the key unto his treasure room.
Shouldst thou wish to assist me, I can assure thee of 15 MILLIONS OF GOLD PIECES. Please do send unto me the key to thy treasure room, and I shall taketh the GOLD PIECES and place them therein.
I do remain thy most humble and loyal servant,
MUTAMBA BIN OSAMA
Greetingsh!
Your humble offer comesh to me ash a shurprishe, shtranger from ze orient. To verify your honeshty you musht firsht passh a tesht: Let your painter make a picture of you zat depictsh you shtanding on the left leg, holding a carrot in your left hand and a shign wiz my name in ze right while drinking zrough a shtraw from a tankard filled wiz mead.
From behind ze Sheven Hillsh,
Ze Foreign Count
Panel 1: Clark of Kent, arrives just in time to stop...
Panel 2: Dragzilla, the crossdressing monster, about to crush a small castle...
Panel 2: Viscount Vinnie Von Venus vandalizing a verdant vassal village...
Panel 3: Muhahahahahaha!!! Dark Mage Simultaneous Posts strikes again!
The Kingdom of Suhberbeah was recently under assualt from an obnoxious band of dwarf amazons. Reports are mixed, but it appears that the green-clad girls were running some kind of protection racket. They finally agreed to leave when the king finally bought a dozen boxes of both Do-Si-Dohs & Thin Mints. They are still at large, so be on the lookout.
I prefer eating Brownies myself.
And the cookies they brought with them were delicious.
Today in the recently renamed People's Republic of Menta, the deposed King Johan was brought to trial for his alledged crimes against the people of Menta.
However his attourney successfully argued that since these alledged crimes were committed before the People's Republic of Menta existed they had no legal jurisdiction to try the ex-king.
The judge agreed, the charges were dismissed, and the ex-king was released.
The prosecuting attourney said, "This is very disappointing. We probably should have lynched him before we established law & order."
What did thou gettest for Free Comic Scroll Day?
I gottest The Magical Mughal, Spider-Knight & Bat Paladin. What did thou gettest?
I receivedth the SupermegaDDDDStopia Instant Comics Pack. A most humorous collection of comic panels that thou puttest together to form funnies. Likest this:
Panel 1: The Angry Fishman looking for the pepper man finds...
Panel 2: The Goderator, retired, drinking margaritas on the beach...
Panel 3: Then there was a three month wait for the next post.
Ha ha ha! Tis most verily amusing.
Uhhhhh..., yeah..., methinks thou should perhaps see thy mages in the white robes.
In thy not too distant future
Next Sabbath, year of our Lord
There lived a serf named Joel
Not to different from... any other serf
He worked at Gizmonics Castle
Just another serf in dirty rags
He worked all day cleaning up the place
But his lords didn't like him
So they cast him into space
We'll send him cheesy visions
The worst we can find
La la la
While he sits and watches them
We'll monitor his mind
Now keep in mind Joel can't control
Where the visions start or end
He used those very special spells
To create his golem friends
Golem role call
Thomas of Servo, Camball, Crooooooooooow
If you wonder how he eats & drinks
And other natural facts
Just say to yourself
"It's just a tale. I really should relax
And listen to Mystery Alchemy Theatre 1000!"
Ahh, Joe, today's vision is guaranteed to cause Deeeeeeeeeeeeep Huuuuuuuuuurtiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnggggg!
So prepare yourself for How The LICC Saved Kwistanakahdon!
Muhahahahahahahahahaha!
Testing, 1 - 2 - 3, testing.
Is this thing on?
Taps the end of the wand and turns into a ball-point banana
Soldier: The monster is attacking!
Captain: Shoot him between the eyes!
Soldier: We can't!
Captain: Why not?
Soldier: It's a cyclops!
Hurray! Here comes the knight!
Why did it suddenly get dark?
I am Pobin Hood & these ape my Meppy Men! We steal fpom the pich and give to the poo...
(Little John quickly puts his hand over his bosses mouth)
LJ: Sorry, about that he's suffering from a case of the scpipts. Now hand over your money.
Dp. Fpanq youp pidiculous stpatagem to conquep the wopld is ovep!
Coppect! We shall pesist you and youp pabbit wappiops...
Director: Cut! Let's try it again tomorrow.
Tomorrow - adv. On the morrow; the day after today; a period of time equal or less than 24 hours; unless you're in the DDDDS dimension where it can be anywhere up to three months.
WW: Sir, there's a message for you on this crystal ball!
DF: What is it?
WW: It's a magical device used for seeing or learning of things far away, but that's not important right now. The message is from Admiral Chen.
DF: Admiral Chen?
WW: Yes. Do you know him?
DF: Never heard of him. (takes crystal ball & reads the message) Why this isn't for me! It's for some league or something. Must have gotten mixed up in somekinda interdimensional interference.
WW: What should I do now, sir?
DF: Send a reply. "Orders recieved. Will blow up the planet posthaste. Party on dude." (chuckles to himself then says to Peri & Red) If you can't have fun with a wrong number what's the point of having them?
We here at DDDD&S are often asked, "Why does it take so long for the story on DDDDS to develop?"
The answer is quite simple. Our writers get paid by the hour.
Hello. We may not be as well known or have as many fancy offices as other law firms, but at the law firm of Dung we're not afraid to get down & dirty for you, our client.
Thanks to all the dimension problems, a young Knight on horseback from a distant land appears charging through the doorway into the dining hall. The mysteriously helmeted youth charges past lifting first Red and the Peri onto the back of the horse. The Knight then levels a large spear at Dr Franq, knocking him over. They then all charge out. After letting Red and Peri off the horse, outside the castle, the Knight lifts a large helmet from it's head. Long black hair falls down. The former squire of Sir Bowen grins down at Red and Peri
Greetings, my name is Sir Melissa of Silvercliff, I'm here to rescue you.
(as Sir Melissa is riding through the castle & knocks over Dr. Franq)
Egads! Seize them! Seize them!
(as Melissa, Red & Peri are riding out)
Well, what are you waiting for?
Wabbit Warrior Guards: We sees them. We sees them. What's your problem?
Peri: Sir? Oh, like on Star Trek! (Looks at Melissa & Red's puzzled expressions) Never mind.
Red: Thank thee, Sir Melissa. However we are still within enemy territory and there may be more warrior wabbits about.
And there is more to fear than simply Wabbit Warriors A voice out of nowhere says. Up in the sky a star begins to flash and float down towards the ground, despite the fact that it's the middle of the day. As the star grows and lowers a figure becomes visible. It is a young-looking woman with blonde hair and dressed all in blue
I am Bleufaerie, Wife to Thekapa and Queen of the Gods. Danger is afoot for not only the dragon Smog but Zorax, the messanger God, have gone missing. We, the Gods, have reason to believe that they have been captured by the Underdemon, God of the Underworld. The Underdemon doesn't let any of us other Gods and Godesses into his realm but lowly insignificant humans....I mean, brave, courages warriors such as yourself, may be able to gain access without having to die first. But be careful not to get into some of his harsher realms. Be good and remember to let your Conscience be your guide.
As she says these last words, the Queen of the Gods fades away
I'll get you, my pretties! And your little horses too!
I'll get your panties! And your unmentionables too!
Blows Whistle
Interference from the Gods! 10 yard penalty!
Melissa, Peri & Red are moved 10 yards
Quick! While they are still in range! Load the tapioca!
(tapioca is ladled into the catapults)
Fire!
(the catapults launch the tapioca into the air)
Warrior Wabbit Catapulter: I... I don't understand it. It's like they were suddenly moved 10 yards and we missed them.
Prepare to fire again!
(suddenly a bugle blows from the other side)
Wabbit Warrior Watchman: Sir! We are under attack!
(Dr. Franq races to the other side to see the combined armies of Sir Elmer of Fudd & Don Wiley E. Quixote approaching)
(Dr. Franq turns toward the camera)
You realize, of course, that this means... we'll have to let those people go while we deal with this attack. Assemble the troops!
Assemble the troops? But we haven't even tested the Wabbit Wobots yet?
Smog & Zorak are missing? I didn't think they were each others type.
(Watching the tapioca miss them)
Well that was close. At least we are no longer prisoner here in Nazkabah.
A quest into a demon-filled hellish domain? Sounds like high school all over again.
I wish I knew what was wrong with my magic. At Warthogs Acadamy I was the best student, but since ending up in this dimension I seem to keep forgetting to use my magic. Almost as if there was something interferring with my mind...
(Meanwhile, miles away at the secret headquarters of the Stifle Magic of Girls conspiracy)
S.M.O.G. Clairovoyant: I think she's on to us.
S.M.O.G. Leader: Don't worry. She couldn't completely break the spell unless she had a half-prince's blood.
Smog's disappearence could be because of however Psyche defeated him to get The Key To The God's Storeroom.
Assuming that the report of her victory was accurate & not some kind of misinterpretation or ruse.
(Just then a cow from one of Sir Elmer's catapults overshoots Dr. Franq's castle & hits Red, knocking him flying)
Cow: Mooooooo! (Gets up and heads back to Sir Elmer's forces)
(Half-buried in the ground, the Red Knight is stunned, but not seriously injured thanks to the magical properties of his armor)
I think it's time we were moving on, Susan. My that's a lovely penguin you're wearing.)
Zorak is missing? Who will be my late night sidekick now?
I doth believe that both Edward son of Mahan & Andrew of Richter are available.
(Down in Dr. Franq's dungeon two prisoners are surprised when Sir Elmer of Fudd's forces break in and free them. They are even more surprised when a dimensional doorway opens up and several 10 foot tall giant ape things come out grab them and go back through the dimensional doorway)
Protoplasmick: Oh, no! Not again!
Devil Girl: I just hope we don't end up in Archaaaaaaaan...
(and the doorway closes as Sir Elmer's forces stare on in shock)
And now for everyone's favorite game, Will She Float?
Singers: Will she float? Will she float? Will she float? Will she float?
Well, Paul, our contestent today has been accused of multiple counts of witchcraft. Will she float or will she sink?
Paul: Well, I think she looks like a witch & I say she'll float.
All right. Drop her in in.
(the woman is dropped into the water & sinks like a stone.)
Well, it looks like she's not witch!
Paul: That will be a great comfort to her loved ones.
Thank you for playing Will She Float?
Singers: Will she float? Will she float? Will she float? Will she float?
Panel 1: Red Farmer & Red Accountant have just finished off an army of trolls when...
Panel 2: Sirius Morpheus, Oracle & Gatekeeper, offers a choice of the red pill or the blue mushroom...
Panel 3: But that storyline was bombing so they were all replaced with Buxom Babebarians in skimpy chainmail outfits.
Halt!
We are the Buxom Babebarians of Phanservis.
None shall pass!
Unless you can defeat our greatest warrior in the sacred vat of Jell-O!
Are any of you brave enough?
Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!
...and it was a tremendous fight between the two. At the end the Not-Particularly-Bright Male Demographic, 18 to Dead came out of it looking like a pretzel, but still he had a smile on his face and couldn't stop repeating the same phrase over & over again, "I saw booby! I saw booby! I saw booby!"
Well, Sir Melissa, we have made it out of Dr. Franq's lands and now we come to a crossroads.
One road leads to Bridge Out & the other leads to New Orc City.
I hear if you can make it there you can make it anywhere.
So which road should we take?
Why does no one visit our town? We've got signs on all the roads.
Oh, look! The kids have disguised themselves as a giant wooden horse. Let them in so we can give them some candy.
A knave, wearing the crest of a two-faced weasel, stands on a stump in front of a group of armed people
Support me in overthrowing the King because he is evil and you hate him and I am not him. I would do things differently. I won't tell you how, but just trust me because I am not the King, whom you hate. Remember that. And never mind that I say different things to get different groups to support my crusade against the King because what's important is that together we will get rid of the evil King that you hate.
I am not the King you hate and I approved this message now take this message to the King you hate!
The crowd cheers and rushes toward the castle while the Knave sits back and watches
Red: Then it's agreed, Sir Melissa will ride ahead & rent some horses for us.
(Sir Melissa, standing with her back to the camera to hide the fact that it's not the original actress, nods her head, climbs on her horse & rides off)
Should we continue walking or rest for a while.
Peri: Let's sit & rest for a while. My legs are killing me.
(They walk off the road to an inviting shady spot under the trees... and scream as the ground gives way underneath them)
Both: Aaaaaaah!
THUD!
Peri: Now my butt is killing me.
Peri: Red, I think your armor's bad luck is catching. (Pause) Why would someone build a trap here & how did they make the grass match so well?
Red: I don't think that it was dug from above, but from below. Look! There appears to be a tunel that goes further down into the earth.
Peri: Oh, great. (She pulls out a small object out of a pocket and chants) Flicka my Bicka! (and lights the lighter) Sooooooo, what sort of creatures are there around this region that might be into burrowing?
Red: Could be Kobolds, or Knockers, or other mining creatures?
Peri: Doesn't look like the type of ground that would be good for mining.
Red: Possibly giant worms...
Peri: Eeew! But the ground looks more... clawed...
Red: Well, there are rumors of giant moles...
(Suddenly a snuffling sound comes from the tunnel)
Peri: If that's Molezilla, I'm gonna cast Magic Missile against the darkness.
(Two figures appear on the landscape, one in the form of a centaur & one a cute winged devil girl)
Mick: Man, I can not believe we have to come back here after finally getting away from here!
DG: Yes, but at least this time we're prepared for the power dampening effect.
(to test Mick slowly alters his shape to that of a horse & back to centaur form, while DG casts some pyrotechnic effects and tries flying)
DG: I never knew my flying was so dependent on magic before. Shame the rest of the Ex-Pendables were busy.
Mick: Yeah, well Kronides said he'll send them here when they've finished their mission.
DG: Shame we failed in that last mission. The consequences of D'naraf breaking that curse were sure extreme.
Mick: Yep. LICC is doomed. No biggy. They're plenty of other dimensions out there. Now according to Kronides the Underdemon of this dimension is working with otherdimensional forces to change the natural balance. Which way should we go?
(from over a hill comes a sound of mobbery and with it villagers armed with torches & pitchforks)
Mob: It's a demon! Get her! Fry her! Dibs on the wings!
DG: How about opposite the way they're coming? (DG hops on Mick's back and he starts running away)
Criminals are a cowardly, superstitious lot and I shall stomp them out.
The producer of DDDDS steps into the the writer's room where the writers (both of them) are hard at work on... well, one seems to be playing a computer game and the other one is surfing the web looking for pictures of... Anyway, the producer harrumphs to get their attention.
Producer: Excuse me I just harrumphed!
Writer 1: Wha...? Oh, was that for us?
Writer 2: Is this important? This game won't play itself, you know.
Producer: I just wanted to let you know that Archangel has been cancelled.
Writer 1: Never watched it myself.
Writer 2: I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure whatsisname will finish it on his website.
Producer: I'm afraid you don't understand. This means DDDDS is moving into Archangel's timeslot.
Writer 1: You... you mean we... we actually have to... work... to maintain an audience?
Producer: YES!
Writer 2: We're screwed!
Is it just me or is the noise that thing's making sound like "Doom! Doom! Doom!"
Suddenly (if you ignore the almost two month gap) a giant tumbleweed rolls out of the dark and past the Red Knight & Peri.
Gosh EE, despite only airing one new episode every 2 months DDDDS is getting twice the ratings that Archangel did.
To the Minor Executive:
You're Fired!
MARGARET! Write a check to pay Trump for that!
The ironic thing is that EE was the teacher of the night course. Now that's Eeeeeeeeeevil.
I wonder if I can earn enough at McRonalds to pay off my student loans?
Judge: I give you prisoners a choice of cake or death.
Prisoner 1: What kind of cake?
Judge: Fruitcake!
Prisoner 1: I'll take death.
Prisoner 2: Me too.
Prisoner 3: Same here.
(and so on and so on...)
Marsha: I... I can't believe he's dead.
Margaret: Yeah, you really tricked him good. When he gave you that old sweet talk I thought he really wrapped you around his claw, but then you went and poisoned him!
Marsha: I didn't poison him! I baked him his favorite meal!
Margaret: Same difference.
Peri: Hard to believe that that hole in the ground was just a primitive subway system.
Red: A primitive what?
Peri: Never mind. Now according to Koboldmon this shaft should lead us to the city.
Red: He didn't mention that climbing it would be a tough mother f...
Peri: Shut your mouth!
Red: Just talking about this shaft. *cough! cough!*
Peri: I was trying to warn you about all this dust. Anyway it wouldn't be so tough if you weren't wearing armor. Ah, here we are! New Orc City!
(Cut to musical number featuring dancing orcs singing New Orc, New Orc)
(Peri, The Red Knight, Devil Girl, Protoplasmick and other heroes are gathered around the remains of the defeated Underdemon)
Red: Well, that's done.
Mick: Time to go.
Peri: Not quite. There's still one more thing to do.
(All turn to the camera)
All: Good night, everyone!
(Credits roll ending with a sign)
Sign: Ye End!
You're all FIRED!
Shot of many people on fire running around screaming.
The e... the e... the e...
That's all, folks!
If I catch any crew working on this any more, THEY'RE FIRED TOO!!!