And coming in at Number 24...it's

Monty Python theme

A man with a tape recorder up his nose!

Anything goes in...

Anything goes out...

Dramatic Narrator Voice:

After too much drama, the heroes partied. But the celebration didn't last. A message from Earth ordered the Spidership to Voutaran space to stop the evil Calvin the Crocodile. And that's where they are now, in another meeting, before another dangerous and life threatening mission.

And now, on LICC...

Artsy: "Seeker says absolutely not... But he's still coming."

"In light of his new abilities, he probably doesn't need to worry about being left behind," Rikard responds.

Advastin Fellfretup Ridernanta Sunger'tata, or Sunger as everyone prefers to call him, can hardly hold his excitement in as he sprints to report to his master. Those against Calvin had apparently found help, help that could be used against his wonderful master. He had to know. Finally, after what seems like hours, Sunger arrives at the door to his master's private chambers. After pushing the alert, Sunger hears a muffled voice say "Enter". Sunger does, bowing to Calvin the Crocodile upon entering the room.

"Master," Sunger says, a grin appearing on his bowed head.

"Sunger'tata," Calvin replies, smiling with hundreds of long, sharp, and at the moment, bloody teeth, "It's wonderful to see you. You have news for me?"

Sunger nods happily, his eyes wide with joy. "Yes, yes I do, Master. It seems that those against us have found help from outside the Empire. One of our long range arrays picked this ship up." Sunger holds up a grainy screenshot. The ship on the picture, however, is clearly the Spidership.
"I think it's from Earth," Sunger says cheerily.
Calvin smiles again, making Sunger's heart skip a beat with contentment. He loved it when his master was happy, especially when he's happy with him.

"It is," Calvin says, "They finally caught up with me. It's about time. Do you know who this ship belongs to?"

Sunger shakes his head.
"No. It looks like one of the superhero groups though."

Calvin nods. "That is exactly right, Sunger," he says, causing Sunger smile even more, "it is a group. And not just any group. They sent the LICC after me. This is perfect!"

At that point, Calvin breaks into song. He sings about his past deeds, Earth's new attempt to stop him, and how he'll find, kill, and control all of the LICC, take their ship, and spread his influence. During the chorus, Sunger joins in. When they finally finish, they break into blissful laughter.

CRUSH THE CHEAT COMMANDOES!

I MEAN LICC!

Operation: Don't Crush Ourselves

T-minus: Total

All right, I'm going to authorize the use of the Ford-Glenham Device or whatever the heck it's called, but I want it under the direct control of the Voutaran's. It's mostly their people they're risking here.

Time for Teletubbie Action Squad to move in?

Let's do the Naaaame Gaaame!

Advastin fellfretup ridernanta sunger'tata!

Advastin fellfretup ridernanta sunger'tata, Advastin fellfretup ridernanta sunger'tata, Bo Badvastin fellfretup ridernanta sunger'tata.
Bonana, Fanna, Fo Fadvastin fellfretup ridernanta sunger'tata.
Fee, Fy, Mo Madvastin fellfretup ridernanta sunger'tata,
Advastin fellfretup ridernanta sunger'tata!

Everybody!

A sudden explosion occurs. For no good reason, everyone on the bridge starts to speak Engrish.

Commander Milkshake: What happen?

Communications Yellowshirt: Somebody set up us the bomb! (pause) We get signal.

Commander Milkshake: Main Screen turn on.

Milkshake looks at the screen and gasps

Milkshake: (gasp) It's you!

C.A.T.S.: How are you gentlemen? All your base are belong to us!

Milkshake: What you say?

C.A.T.S.: You have no chance to survive make your time.

Milkshake: Move all zig. For great justice.

And with that, the bridge returns to normal. Of course, on the SpiderMobile, "normal" is a very relative term.

I assume a decent orbital bombardment or subspace attack is not acceptable? A surgical strike would only leave a limited crater, just a few kilometers deep and in diameter...

Btw, does Calvin believe in Offler?

Svinlane'otala takes in all of the odd happenings going on with the Spidership with awe and fascination.

"This is quite a ship, Commander Milkshake. Very... different." He looks down toward Furby.

"Offler, I know nothing of this Offler. Perhaps your records would know as he did come from Earth."

He turns back to Milkshake and gestures his agreement.

"Very well, Commander. We accept the terms of this weapon's use. We will leave a second ship behind so we can bring the weapon to our planet when if is completed. Now, if you will excuse us, we must prepare our ships for the transport to Vreentark. I would suggest you make your selections for this mission soon, Commander. We do not know how much time we have."

Offler: Offler the Crocodile God (Six-Armed Offler of the Bird-Haunted Mouth) started out in Klatch, and succeeded in spreading from there. He has an obvious role in any hot land with big rivers, especially when people have to hope that a log is just a log, but he has somehow acquired worshippers as far afield as Ankh-Morpork and even the Ramtops. This is partly through his taking responsibility for all sorts of reptiles and other scaly things which most gods ignore, and partly through the creation of a visually impressive but largely undemanding cult which accepts prayers without pushing for too much more. Offler's crocodilian mouth-structure causes him to speak with a strong lisp.

You're right, Commander. Giving the Voutarans the generator might be a better idea than me standing by to use it if necessary.

He turns toward Svinlane'otala.

I'll modify the device so that it can be activated by remote control as well as manually. That way, if you have to deploy it, you won't have to put any of your people at risk unnecessarily. But I suggest that if you do deploy it, you warp out of this system as its activated, as a precaution.

I will also provide schematics for the earplugs, so that your people can manufacture them. But understand that the Voutarans are not to share this technology with any race who does not already have them. I'm giving them to you as a representative of the Galactic Order. Not as a member of LICC.

He pauses, then turns toward Commander Milkshake.

Well, I guess I'll be free to join the fight once I get the generator built. Might be a good idea for me to switch to energy form for the entire operation....

Anything else to discuss, or should I get to work on the generator now?

Go ahead, Quincy. We all should start preparations for the mission. Jackson, Alex, let's go to work on the infiltration craft.

Jackson and Alex: Right!
Alex: What are we going to use? Seeker? My fighter? Something completely different?
Butrfli: Sir, I have the feeling we're being watched... perhaps even detected...

Elementary, my dear Butrfli.

"Watched? Maybe we should try and find Calvin's detection grid?" Delgado suggests.

"Detect the detection grid?"

"Thank you, Mr. Rocket. Though I do not believe we'll have time to make many of these earplugs of yours. Your concerns madam," he says, turning toward Butrfli, "are understandable, but we believe it's highly unlikely that Calvin can reach us out here. When we get near Vreentark, however, we will be well within his range. The equipment you're bringing should protect, until you get within extreme close proximity. We estimate that he will be able to find anyone within 25 meters of his location, if he is looking for them, no matter what is being used to shield from his telepathy."

Zartali speaks up. "If what you say about him is true, it is probably closer to 35-40 meters. Still, the devices we bring should shield from any mental attacks when they fail our stealth."

"In any case, our ships will be ready for departure within the hour," Svinlane'otala says, "We will hail, when we are ready."

With that, Svinlane'otala and his officers head back to the transporter room.

We'll use your fighter, Alex.

Twenty-five meters! Jeepers, if we can get that close, let's set off a nuke and not worry about it!

They probably have sensors for nukes.

Well, let's not get into another technobabbly bore loop; maybe they don't.

They're going to hail us?! If they're on our side, then why don't they just give us a light rain?

Hail! Hail! The gang's all here!

Alex: Yes, sir. Rocket, show me how to mask any telepathic vibrations that might come from the fighter. When it's time to go, I'll use the bridge holodeck. It's smaller, but easier to get to. Plus, in an emergency, I can be rescued easier.
Jackson: What do you want me to do?
Alex: Just monitor the situation... and help Rocket with the ship.
Jackson: Right.

True to his word, Svinlane'otala soon contacts Milkshake with news that the Voutaran ships are ready for transport.

"When your team is ready, contact me. We will depart for Vreentark when your people are ready."

Hold on Steve, I just thought of something... we still have the floating holoprojectors in our files... perhaps we could use them...

Let's talk about it as we head down to the shuttle bay.

=/\=Commander, Wayne Reid here. Please inform Svinlane'otala that the generator will be completed and ready to transport to the location of his choice within the next half hour. Quincy would have contacted you himself, but he's busy working on one of his armors at the moment.=/\=

The EE yells into his intercom.

MARGARET!!!!! Get me those writers for that LICC show now!

Five minutes later the writers show up.

OK. Look, you guys have been goofing up long enough. I want you guys to write a show for that Kwistanabananana... Kwistshow... Kwisat-whatever thing. And I want it yesterday! Or you'll never work in this town again!

What about DECEMBERWEEN??

EE! You fool! We can't do a show even hinting at any type of specific holiday, no matter how fictional, much less make an entire episode about it! Kiss your bonus goodbye!

On the bridge...a little yellowshirt pops up

"We wish all sentient peoples a generally pleasant late-year period."

..and so, if we store a dozen or so holoprojectors in Alex's fighter's hold, we can release them as he approaches the planet. That way, we can increase our scanning potential.

"Is a miracle."

In his quarters, Rikard gears up for the mission. He packs two pistols, his lightsaber, his temporarily shrunken sword, his utility belt, and a personal shielding device that Adon had given the members of the LICC years ago. When he's finished, he leaves his quarters, heading for Seeker's private bay. Though Artsy has probably already told him everything, Rikard still wants to make sure that he knows what he will be doing in the upcoming mission.

It doesn't take Rikard long to reach Seeker's bay though it's several decks below the the Senior officers' quarters. Rikard stops at the door for a second before entering. When the door opens, Rikard sees that only Seeker and a lone tech worker are in the bay. Seeker immediately greets Rikard. The sending is a little jarring for the commander as it's been a while since Rikard has directly communicated with the living ship.

"Hey Seeker, I suppose you've already heard most of what's going on and what's about to happen." Seeker responds with and affirmative. Rikard nods.

"Good. I'm just going to go over a few things then," he says, "The Voutarans are preparing one of their ships to sneak you to their homeworld with the rest of us. I think that they're ready, so be ready to launch. Commander Milkshake should have us ready soon.

You're going to be transporting two or three LICC. Artsy's most likely going to be one of them since she seems to work best with you, and you two can pick the other one or two members to carry."

You're going to be our backup, and probably our first warning from anything coming in from orbit. That's where I'm guessing you'll be anyway. Understood?"

Hi! I'm a 30 second bomb!
Hi! I'm a 29 second bomb!
Hi! I'm a 28 second bomb!
...

Leave it to me!

chomp chomp chomp!

Delicious! High explosives taste like blueberry!

Darn, that should have read 'an old "friend" returns'.

Mmm, and Mad Bombers taste like ketchup! Come here, you!

Couldn't be the real Mad Bomber. Because it wasn't midnight.

SPOON!!!!

A redshirt pokes his head out from behind his console when the bomb doesn't explode.

"Phew, guess it wasn't my time after all. Woohoo!!!!!!!!!"

The bomb didn't explode, but the console, unfortunately, does.

Counting dead redshirts...

97, 98, 99, 100... Yep, it's time.

Computer! Place an order for 100 more redshirts with the ACME Redshirt Company. Authorization LICC-Alpha-niner-four.

Quincy walks onto the bridge of the spidership.

Finally got the generator ready.

Brief pause.

So....anyone up for a game of cards once this mission is over?

Snewtipantz: What do you have in mind?

Quincy: Oh, I don't know. Anaconda. Three-Toed Pete. No Limit Texas Hold `Em. Maybe some Cincinnati or some Spit In The Ocean.

Jump the Jeep?

Wicker Biscuit?

Chow Down?

BACKUP, WARNING, TRANSPORT, Seeker agrees. IN CHOICE OTHERS...SILENT ONE PERHAPS? There is a strong undercurrent of CONSPIRACY/AMUSEMENT beneath this suggestion.

I heard that, another mind says, and Artsy walks into the bay.

"Number One, we're nearly finished outfitting Alex's fighter. What's your status?"

Waving huge foam fingers...

We're Number One!
We're Number One!

"The Calvin mission proved to be the final heroic act by the League of Intergalactic Cosmic Champions. The mission, begun with the greatest of care and considerations, fell prey to unforseen disadvantages, sudden problems and extreme bad luck. The mission was completed at the cost of many personnel, including a senior member, and the ship itself. A day after the destruction of Calvin's base, the remnants of the once-mighty LICC limp back home in their battered support craft...."

The "Historian" is crushed by unprinted books before he can submit his work to the "Magazine of Alternate Present".

*RIIING*

"Yes?"

"Is this Calvin's palace?"

"Yes!"

"Here's a parcel for the big croc. Sign the receipt here."

"Yes."

"Byyyye! And bite my shiney metal ass!"

"No."


The parcel, labelled as "Offler Merchandising Articles", is thrown into a dark corner and neglected there. After a while muffled voices can be heard from the inside.

"I tell you, never again Planet Express!"

"Yes, my dear brother. We will demand a refund later - with a plasma cannon."

Hearing the door open behind him, Rikard turns. He smiles a little when he sees that it's Artsy.

"Hey Artsy. I was just briefing Seeker on the mission," he says, nodding toward the ship, "He said he thinks that 'Silent One' should join you two. That's Keiran, ri-?"

He's interrupted by, "Number One, we're nearly finished outfitting Alex's fighter. What's your status?"

Rikard motions "hold on a second" to Artsy and sighs before activating his own comm.
"I'm geared up and ready to go, sir. Just hammering out a few details."

"Good. Then we'll launch at...1330. Keep me advised."

"Will do sir, Rikard out."

As he turns back to Artsy and Seeker, the ship shakes a little. Rikard realizes that it's the Voutaran ship docking with the Spidership. They'd be leaving pretty quickly.

"So, Keiran? Would he work? And anyone else?"

Slower than molasses in January...on Pluto.

Wait, Pluto's northern or southern hemisphere?

Pluto's west pole.

I've been there.

Get on with it!!!

NI!

And then, it was 1327, and everyone was ready to go.

Then let's go!

And they left.

As he said, they boarded the Voutaran ship, except for whoever was in Seeker. They boarded Seeker. And Seeker boarded the Voutaran ship. When everyone was onboard, the Voutaran vessel undocked from the Spidership, came about, and jumped to warp in the direction of the Voutaran homeworld.

And there was much rejoicing.

Yay.

Alex, over Comm: Jackson, Commander, I'm in the bridge holodeck and have acvtivated the remote piloting program for the fighter. If you look in the cockpit...
And true to his word, Alex appears in the small cockpit window and waves.
Now, if I really wanted to get fancy, and confuse the bad guys...
Alex begins turning into a variety of things, from tree frogs to historical figures, to members of the Spidership.
Want me to test the phase and cloak features?

Within one of the mission ships...

Waves of MIRTH emanate from Seeker, loud enough for Artsy to "hear". She turns and sees Keiran in communication with the living ship, projecting telepathic "jokes", consisting of mental images of totally inane things. She barely picks up an image of a tiger with three celery sticks for limbs before it is eclipsed by another silent guffaw from Seeker.

//Hush, you two.//

Keiran looked up and nods, still smiling.