I am currently listening to an interesting collection called "Radio's Missing Masters." This set features pilot episodes, audition shows for sponsors, and rare or offbeat episodes (for example, the episode where Jackie Gleason plays Riley, not William Bendix, and the first appearance of Beulah), but it's mainly pilots or tryout shows. I'd like to keep sort of a log of the various shows for which the pilot is included, do my personal feelings, and maybe analyze why it became a success...or didn't.

1. YOURS TRULY, JOHNNY DOLLAR: This became a big hit, but the pilot featured Dick Powell as Dollar (who blows his lines every so often). It's standard Dollar stuff, although he seems sort of soppier here, more like Powell's Richard Diamond character. The gimmick of the expense account, always ear-catching, probably lifted this one because the rather tired plot (ripping off an insurance company with a fake suicide) certainly didn't.

2. I COVER THE WATERFRONT: This show featured Larry Thor as a dock reporter and the people he runs into. It's sort of a cross between Thor's "Broadway is My Beat" and the Frank Lovejoy drama "Nightbeat." In a way, it's also like a reporter's "Dragnet"--I don't know if every episode would be like the pilot, but this show features one of Thor's friends killing his wife in a jealous rage. That's it. That's the plot. No twists or anything. Thor covers the story without doing any real detective work while trying to have a personal life as well. It's sort of depressing with a great musical score. It was getting late for radio though (1955) and it was probably a little too laidback.

3. THE JUDGE: John Dehner is a retired judge who volunteers his services to stop crime. No, it's not Hardcastle and McCormick; Dehner is a lot like Nero Wolfe, only a little more active. I can see why it didn't quite work; Dehner solves his crimes by going to his archives and looking up past cases that seem similar to the one he's working on, a concept that would get pretty old fast. As a mystery, it works on radio, but the clue is a visual one that isn't quite fair.

4. THE HUMPHREY BOGART THEATRE: Bogey presents and stars in adaptations of short stories. This first episode is a real hoot--a wandering youth accidentally murders a railway cop (Bogart), whose unearthly voice haunts the youth as he tries to stay on the run. It's Bogart as the Whistler but with a real lame, cop-out ending that belies the powerful and intelligent exposition. The pilot is interesting to listen to because announcer Hy Averback, instead of doing a commercial, just says "This is the spot for a commercial" because it's an audition show. This probably got lost in the shuffle of better anthology shows and Bogart was a fine but not upper-level radio actor.

5. SAFARI: Ray Milland is a great white hunter. The plot's bargain basement Hemingway story (obnoxious boor hires steely-toned guide for an elephant hunt; guide falls in love with boor's wife) gets things off on the wrong foot, although William Conrad is always fun to listen to (and he gets to chew the scenery at the end). The program includes a commercial for nothing (Milland explains how the sponsor's product is marvelous, but never says what it is)--I guess they would fill in the name later. This is pretty obvious, hackneyed stuff. According to the announcer, it was recorded in Africa, but who cares? This is radio.

6. ONCE UPON A MIDNIGHT: Alfred Hitchcock Presents on the radio. Hitch spins a yarn of a would-be murderer. Sadly, this is the only episode available of this program and it is part one of a two-parter. D'oh. I'm split on this. Having Hitch NARRATE rather than just introduce is a bad idea; too much of Hitchcock makes the whole show into a English Whistler ("Oh, poor murderer, he's making a pretty churlish mistake..."). The script and performances are all right (with the usual lame bits of dialogue), but it's just part one, hard to judge.

7. LIFE WITH LUIGI: This became a very popular show. The pilot is not one of the best, mainly because it strains to introduce all the characters and situations. J. Carrol Naish is superb as Luigi and quickly wins over the audience, even if Luigi's simpleton nature gets annoying after a while. Perhaps postwar audiences liked a show that said how great America was every ten minutes.

More to come...

Well, there would be some who would argue that Johnny Dollar was only at its best during Bailey's first season, when it was done in five fifteen minute episodes rather than a stand alone half hour story.

I see your point, although I have heard some fine half hour Dollars; it's just that the pilot doesn't work as well.

8. GREAT CAESAR'S GHOST. I am NOT making this up. A druggist who is the ancestor of Julius Caesar finds he can summon up Great Caesar's Ghost by saying the familiar expletive. Nothing happens. I mean it; Caesar just talks to the druggist in a few scenes, while the rest is pure situation comedy standards. It's weird, like having Rod Serling write "Father Knows Best." I'm not sure if the writers just wanted to ease into the weird ideas or if they were just braindead, but there you go. The cast is all right and I think this could have worked as a film or a TV sitcom in the '60s, but definitely not with this format and with the very annoying musical score.

That's weird. Are you sure you don't mean descendant?

As for early Dollar, the couple of early episodes I've heard kind of stink. I understand that critics were less than impressed when it first came on. Love the expense account gimmick though.

That's the same plot as an old Superman TV episode, where Perry White says "Great Caesar's Ghost" one too many times and actually summons the ghost of Caesar.

Yup, I meant descendant. I believe, however, that the Superman episode featured a fake Caesar's Ghost, while the radio thing was the real deal.

Great Caesar's Ghost! I can't believe the turn this discussion has taken

WHAT DO YOU WISH, MORTAL?

AHHHH!!!!!!!

I can't believe I didn't spot this right off. For the Dollar pilot, you mention a fake suicide used to rip off an insurance company. But doesn't suicide invalidate your typical life insurance policy?

Whoops, I meant fake murder.

BUT in the episode, Dollar is on the case anyway because the client is threatening suicide. Apparently, he has some sort of special policy, which seems terribly bogus.

9. THE NOTORIOUS TARIQ: Turhan Bey is an antiques collector/private investigator. The show itself is sort of flaccid; it's not flagrantly bad, it just sits there and doesn't do anything (it didn't help that I listened to it in a tired mood). This has some potential; Bey has that continental-style voice that works on radio and there are some very well done segments. The lack of any real "villains" hurts this episode.

Turhan Bey. That name sounds vaguely familiar. Has he been in anything else of note?

Bey is an old-time movie actor, who appeared in "Dragon Seed," "The Mummy's Tomb," and "The Climax" among several other films. He is not exactly well-known.

10. THE CLYDE BEATTY SHOW: I don't know what to say about this. Famous hunter/circus impressario Clyde Beatty has various adventures. It's not my cup of tea for a program, but it's genial enough, does what it sets out to do, and Beatty is a pretty good radio performer. Hopefully future episodes would put Beatty in the wild, but this entry (Beatty stalks an escaped lion in the Florida Everglades) is moody and enjoyable enough. I can kids liking it.

11. TARZAN: This is the first episode of the Lamont Johnson Tarzan series. I never really was into Tarzan, but this does a fine job. Johnson is good (particularly in not aping, heh heh, Johnny Weismuller) and the sound effects are superlative. The actual plot of the first episode (meanie steals gem from one of Tarzan's friends) is a tad hoary with enough cliches to fill a B-movie serial, but stick with it until the end, when Tarzan engages in some bloody mayhem.

12. OUT OF THE DEEP: Wally Maher is a deep-sea diver/soldier of fortune, sort of a tougher version of "Sea Hunt." In the pilot, he's hired to bring up gold for a suspicious client. You have to put your brain aside for a few portions here--the villain has great power but he doesn't have the means to bring gold up himself; the show claims that there are many henchmen aboard, but only one of them is actually heard; etc. Interesting to note that this show could feature its own "Red-Shirt" characters--every crewman aside from the First Mate and the Captain dies in this episode!

Turhan Bey also played Centauri Emperor Turhan in the Babylon 5 episode "The Coming of Shadows."

13. STRAIGHT ARROW. Howard Culver is rancher Steve Adams/western superhero Straight Arrow. While I completely dislike the name Straight Arrow, the show is a pretty well done kiddie western (the hero is a white man that dresses up and acts like an Indian, which depending on your level of political correctness, may be offensive). At the end, the announcer talks about a contest to win your very own horse...

I thought the first episode of the Lamont Johnson "Tarzan" series (entitled "The Decoy") involved poachers trying to capture the ape-man by use of a female who pretends to be in distress. At least that's the first one that aired. Or are you referring to an unaired pilot?

That's where I've heard the name. Thanks Merat.

Not sure, Todd. It claims "PREMIER" episode and is from March of 1952. That's all I know.

14. THE PRIVATE PRACTICE OF DR. DANA: When will people realize that long, cumbersome names for programs just don't work? This features Jeff Chandler as Dr. Steve Dana, who hopefully in future episodes will do some medical stuff. Here, Dana is prevented from going home for Christmas so he hangs around with his lady doctor friend, and then they (sniff) meet this poor little girl whose (sniff) parents are in the hospital and (sniff) this girl never had a Christmas because her parents are traveling missionaries and so (sniff) Dr. Dana gets a Christmas tree and turkey for the girl and he (sniff) gets the cynical 'ol barber to dress up as Santa Claus...As you can see, this episode shamefully pulls out the stops, and I personally think Chandler is miscast as Dr. Dana. Not my kind of show.

15. ESCAPE: I think this is a different program than the more famous CBS "Escape." This one has a different theme song and format (instead of the viewer "escaping" to a world of high adventure, the characters "escape" from something). This story features an older man escaping from the doldrums of aging by helping a young boy. It's pretty standard stuff with okay performances and some good lines, but it's pretty jarring if you think it's going to be like the other "Escape."

16. EMOTION: This is an anthology program starring Joseph Schildkraut. Schildkraut plays a cursed man who kills people inadvertantly that he comes in contact with. I hate the title, but this is a fairly well done program. The story does need a better ending; it comes off as pretty predictable.

17. MULLIGAN'S TRAVELS: Sheldon Leonard is a cab driver named Mulligan who tries to better himself by going to college. This is a really obnoxious program for a while (the first half is Mulligan and his pals doing some Damon Runyonesque battling). It gets better when the show moves to the college setting. This program does have some potential to be sort of a low-rent "Life with Luigi"--Leonard's New Yawk character is appealing...but it needs a better supporting cast and stories.

18. THAT'S RICH: Stan Freberg is Rich, a sort of nerdy, bumbling bird expert. This show originally annoyed the heck out of me, but like Rich himself, it sort of grows on you after a while. Hopefully the show didn't repeat its jokes too much; I can see this going either way, but it has "failed show" written all over it.

19. THE ADVENTURES OF THE SCARLET CLOAK: A guy goes back to 1800s Mexico, his home town, to avenge his father's death, while wearing his father's garb, the Scarlet Cloak, as El Diablo! With his trusty Indian companion...um, yeah, this is a complete ripoff of The Lone Ranger AND Zorro, but it's pretty good and the idea of the Scarlet Cloak tailing a bad guy in a continued story is a good one. Wendell Niles, mostly known for being an announcer, plays the Scarlet Cloak--he's okay, especially at playing the fop, but I can't get his chummy announcer image out of my mind when he plays the hero.

20. FANTASY: Your basic fantasy anthology program. This story is about the last surviving member of an alien race (living as an "entity" without a body) falling in love with an Earth woman. It's a lot like a "Twilight Zone" episode, but there are some things that drag it seriously down--the annoying music and sound effects, the jarring scene where the woman's husband dies for no real reason, and some mumbo-jumbo science. There is a funny blown line at the end when the doctor says there's no sign of Vi-o-lence, putting his emphasis on the wrong syllable.

21. STAND BY FOR ADVENTURE: Did people just draw titles out of a hat or something? This is about a group of friends that get together and tell adventurous stories. I expected something like Asimov's "Black Widowers," but this is just...really, really boring. There is little to no attempt to dramatize the stories; it's just one guy's voice talking for about 15 minutes. Maybe they were on a strapped budget or something. The story is about a haunted knife, good enough perhaps for a low-rent "Suspense" episode if properly done, horrible in this format. The ending features all the characters introducing themselves and talking.

Re Straight Arrow: Actually, it was the other way around. Steve Adams was a Commanche Indian raised by a white family since childhood who, when danger threatened, became Straight Arrow. He even had a white sidekick.

Whoops, sorry. I probably just mixed it around.

22. CRIME CLASSICS: This is an oddly popular series even though it was on for a year. A professor type, "Thomas Hyland" (Lou Merrill), tells unique tales of crime. This one is about the first woman executed for murder in America, Bathsheba Spooner. Not bad stuff, although the character of Hyland could be more interesting, and the story seems to be building up to a resolution that never comes. A program that may have been ahead of its time; this is a natural for Court TV.

23. CRIME CORRESPONDENT: Paul Frees is a crime reporter that solves crimes. This first one is a pretty neat tale about a hoodlum who has planted dynamite set to go off any minute...and he can't tell the cops where it is, 'cuz he's dead. Of course, there are the usual twists and turns. There are a few contrived elements, but this is a smart, well-written program. I think Frees is miscast, but I'm not sure if the writers are TRYING to make his character unlikeable or not.

24. ACTION EIGHTY: William Conrad is a special agent for a group called Action Eighty, which is the government's agency in charge of special experiments. In this episode, he's called on to investigate sabotage on an atomic sub. Rework this show and you could have a pretty modern program--something like the upcoming "Threat Matrix" on ABC. It's pretty good if talky--Conrad does nothing but sit in his office and bark orders to subordinates, which I guess is realistic if not exciting. The ending with Soviets trying to hit New York with missles is pretty hard stuff.

25. OPERATION DANGER: Howard Culver is a secret military agent out to stop various post-war terrorists and baddies. In this episode, it's escaped Nazis! Very good show that mixes action and suspense. Probably didn't make it because the lead character is sort of bland.

26. ROCKY JORDAN: This became a marginally successful show; George Raft owns a club in Egypt and gets involved in intrigue. This one has the whole hoo-ha of the guy with no face and wears bandages. Not really bad, but not really interesting either.

27. THE VOYAGE OF THE SCARLET QUEEN: Awkward title. Howard Duff is the captain of the Scarlet Queen; this is the pilot, so it deals with the ship trying to get started on its voyage to the Pacific--things get complicated when the first mate is murdered. Elliott Lewis is thankfully there to take his place. Neat to hear Duff, Lewis, William Conrad, AND Cathy Lewis in the same episode.

28. HALF-HOUR TO KILL: Weird title, it's basically like "Suspense." William Conrad stars in the first episode; he plays an amnesiac who thinks he's murdered someone. If you dislike deux ex machina endings, you may get violent at the conclusion of this one (Conrad believes he's murdered a cop and later murders another one...except it turned out he didn't kill the first cop and the second one was the original murderer in disguise, d'oh!). Not bad stuff, and Conrad is always fine.

Try some other Crime Classics. The narration is frequently full of dark humor. Some good ones include the ones about Lizzie Borden and Billy the Kid.

I'll see if I can find some.

29. THE BOB BURNS SHOW: Countryfied comedian Bob Burns plays his "Bazooka" and tells jokes while cavorting with singer Shirley Ross and his "son," Leo Gorcey (!). I think this is different than Burns' other shows, but not being a fan of Burns, I can't tell. The best part is the bazooka segments.

30. FATHER KNOWS BEST: Is it me or do the radio versions of Ozzie and Harriet and Father Knows Best have more bite to them than their TV brethren? The usual comedic misunderstandings, although an attempt at farce gets kind of unpleasant at the end with the way-too-nasty married couple.

31. MY MOTHER'S HUSBAND: A weird title, why don't they just call it with "Life With Father?" It's got the star, William Powell, and basically the same setting as that film. Maybe legal problems. Powell is a crotchety bank president in the turn of the century dealing with various family problems and those newfangled automobiles! The ending of this, I can't say, because my tape player tried to eat my tape, but it's okay stuff, mainly enlivened by Powell's wonderfully cranky character. To wit, during the prayer before dinner, Powell thanks the Lord for the "food that which You and I, being the president of the local bank, have supplied..."

32. LET GEORGE DO IT: This became pretty popular too, and it's easy to see why. Bob Bailey is a kindler, gentler Johnny Dollar--George Valentine, who sets up a job doing various "odd jobs" with his sidekicks--old duffer Caleb, Jimmy Olsen-like Sonny, and Sonny's sister, the beautiful Claire. The first episode is pretty interesting--a guy is murdered and his body disappears. George does a long investigation and discovers that the guy didn't die, he's just a mystery writer trying to get some inspiration from George on his new story. That's it. No mad criminals, no murderous dames, just some pleasant interplay. Pretty refreshing stuff.