Berry (the character) died because we have to many (or is it too many?) "lead characters" and "Berry" was the weakest. He was two dimensional, constrained by the first person POV, and I didn't like sharing my name! Seriously, in the first installment WHEN HE WAS UNNAMED, his two dimensionless and slightly superior viewpoint were OK. I wouldn't want to read much of that, however. Besides, who else would have killed off a character with my name? (On second thought, don’t answer that.)

So what do I have to work with now? All of the independant operatives are now in custody (yeah, I know that that was my fault) except for the "dood"s (whom I cannot write for: its hard to get into their heads, and even harder to duplicate their writing/speaking "style"), Donavan (or is it Fredricks), who might be dead, and Machiko's avatar, which I dare not mess with if I want to stay on her good side. (Well, there are Carl and your avatar which were decidedly minor, even background, characters, and who deservedly dropped out of sight after the first two chapters.)

That means I am going to have to focus on the "official" investigation. What can I do with that? (Well you did open the door to the possibility that "Mike" is something other than he seems)

I need more than that. (Well I need more than popcorn and peanut-butter bagels - besides you got the bagels all wrong!)

Would you like more peanut butter? (Do you have Chocolate Silk?)

No, the store was all out. (What about Honey Nut?)

Out of that, too. But I do have honey if you want to mix your own. (Well, OK, but it's not the same)

It never is. Well, it was definitely Donavan who's still at large. He's the burned-out junkie, so even if he's not dead, he's useless. What can I do with "Mike"? (there are the people who briefly "liberated" Fredricks from the authorities, and the ones who shot Berry.)

Are you saying that "Mike" is involved with them? (Why is it that you never make pizza-flvored popcorn anymore? I really liked the pizza-flavored popcorn.)

I liked it too, but they stopped making the pizza-flavored topping. (Why would they do that?)

Too many people have no imagination and no sense of adventure. The company marketed it as a topping for buttered noodles, and not enough people wanted a topping on their buttered noodles And very few thought like me that it just might work on other things as well. (There just aren't enough of us to go around. I hope you appreciate what an honor it is that I visit you.)

Anyway, I've tried to re-create it myself. The finely ground herbs and the grated cheese are no problem, but I just can't find a powdered tomato-flavored product. Can't you or one of your friends do something? (We have tried on occassion, but big-business types are not very muse-friendly.)

You still haven't answered my question about "Mike." (Oops, look at the time! I have another appointment. I'll see you soon.)

The Berlin Wall fell in 1989, not 1992.

Electron,

Cool 411. That insufferable know-it-all was wrong about that.

Hey, all, I just wanted to share a couple points about the character Marietta I created, since it looks like Blue has brought her back into the story as a witness to an apparent murder. I talked to Kerriem about this, and we both concur that these are just ideas, take them or leave them (unless they were specifically mentioned in my first submission, of course). They aren't "retroactive guidelines," as Kerriem put it, but just ideas I had been working on that I would have submitted had I been able to.
A couple specifics already established: Marietta never turned off her computer (nor even logged off) when she realized she was late for the funeral. She's pregnant. She's been involved in drugs in some way (not specified), but seems trying to come clean from that lifestyle.
Some extrapolations I was working on: She could be a cross-country contact for the drug-dealing Fredericks, and maybe her pregnancy is related to him, as well... the pregancy relation may be a bit of a reach, but it could make for a closer emotional tie (Concern? Hatred?) for Fredericks. She has accepted her pregnancy, and is indeed fiercly protective of the unborn child, further proof that she's trying to distance herself from the drug scene (which the death of her friend also convinced her was a bad scene). Obviously, she's not a schoolyard junkie, and has some money (as evidenced by the Lexus), so her role was either as a high-end user or middle person for a dealer.
Again, all of the extrapolation was just the stuff I was working on, but isn't necessarily what any of you need to work with. That's the whole point of this story, after all... to see what wild and unconsidered ways the story and its characters can develop. Anyway, I thought I was out of the game, so I thought I'd leave some parting thoughts for you.
Hey, Blue, nice recovery from being caught in a nit: the character was wrong!

By the way, Blue Berry, it's too many, since you asked. The extra "o" is used on the word that describes excessive quantity (too much, too many, too little, too many "o"s in a word that sounds just like "to") or excessive quality (too dark, too orange, too picky about grammar). Just FYI, of course.
I enjoyed your descriptive text as Berry (the character) became hyper-aware of the smallest details just as he was disposed of... very effective!

Has anyone else noticed this story is becoming more like The X Files as it progresses? When do Scully and Mulder pop in?

OOPS! I meant Donovan the drug dealer, not Fredericks! (I'm sure all you nit-pickers caught that right away!)

I even lost track of which is which.

Does ANYONE know what's going on?

Not I.

However...I'm sure 'the Truth is out there.'

Right, Craiggie?

What is the truth (in the story)? Did Berry (the character) get killed because he guessed to close or because JMcC and Dood contacted him and he wasn't as secure as they?

Will Marietta co-operate with the local cops? Are the local cops the "I'll turn in my badge cause you ordered me off the case but I'll solve this anyway and see justice done" type or Keystone? Where will J McC and Dood go now? If a state trooper asks for their license and registration will there be a shoot out? (Will ScottN kill them in that shoot out because of frustration? [If not ScottN anyone who can't deliberately misspell "dude"?])

God (or gods or goddesses or Goddess, or nothingness or_______ or whatever), I love the turn after mine. I also hate the turn before mine, but I've been lucky so far in that no one has made what I was thinking impossible. (Eventually poor Fredricks or Marietta will be hang gliding while cooking a gourmet meal as he/she figures out the TRUTH. [By the way, no one has touched yet upon their androgyny.)

Hey, come on, I know how to spell "dude"! I just had them using "leet-speek". And, by the way, "d00d"'s name is Dave.

Hmmmm...sounds like what we need here is a list of 'Dramatis Personae' (a la those huge multigenerational romance novels.)

Anybody out there care to volunteer?

Here it is. Now, I've marked the non-fictional characters with asterisks, but keep in mind I'm not sure if everyone so marked really exists. :-) Plus, the characters listed herein are only characters who have been named in-story and have had dialogue of some kind or another or have had sufficent narration involving them. Feedback and nits appreciated.


DRAMATIS PERSONAE

in order of appearance

*William Berry
*Carl Baumgartner
Zylax, Commander of the Cortation Battle Fleet
*TomM
John McCartney
Dave
*Machiko Jenkins
*Jason, MJ's friend
*George W. Bush, President of the United States
*Mark Morgan
Donovan
James Fredricks
Krag, Zylax's second-in-command
Tim Feldman
John 'Deke' Dekins
Marietta
*General Ralph E. "Ed" Eberhart, Commander in Chief, North American Aerospace Defense Command
Colonel Washington, NORAD Command Staff
'Mike', member of National Security Agency
*Colonel Thomas F. Deppe, Commander, 341st Space Wing, Malmstrom AFB

You forgot Craig, the "doofus" Marietta received an e-mail from, who in no way is like me, since I'm obviously not a doofus.

And Crisa, the one who persuaded "Marlo" (MJ) to watch TV.

And...the President of the United States was never identified as GWB in my part. Did someone else identify him and I missed it?

Nope. Well, there were bound to be a few mistakes. :-)

Carl Baumgartner is not real.

MJ,

He was never named, expounded on. A President who is a lightweight and relies on his unnamed advisors can easily be taken for Jr.

I don't know... all things considered, there seems to be plot progression and something of a story here, despite the chaos ("whiplashes") inherent in the format.
I haven't much of a clue what that story is, or is going to become, but it's interesting. On the other hand, what does that say about my state of mind, if I find any coherence in this thing?
HEY KERRIEM! Do we need clarification on the "Yer out!" rule, or did I miss it? I believe you mentioned something to me off the board, but I don't see it here...

<eyes glazing> Must...figure out...plotline...by next...entry...<blinks at interruption> Oh! Yeah, right. Thanks.

Ahem. New rule (well, actually it's been in place for a bit, but hasn't come up until now): Each player shall be allowed to request a maximum of three 'skips' when their turn approaches...but they have to be valid requests, as per Scott and Craig's. "My dog icon ate my entry" is not gonna cut it here, folks.

---

Quote:

their turn approaches...but they have to be valid requests, as per Scott and Craig's. "My dog icon ate my entry" is not gonna cut it here, folks.

---

Thanks. I'll send this off to kerriem

No peanut-butter bagels?

Sorry. I do have cinnamon-raisin bagels with walnut and cinnamon cream cheese.

What else do you have?

Homemade pretzel mix.

Mexican or Italian style?

Neither. Just original worcestershire sauce and spice.

You have to get better stuff in if you expect me to keep coming back.

So is Mike part of "them" or is he just an overzealous Fed?

Does it matter? Your chapter is over. Let someone else worry about it

I guess you're right.

BTW thanks MJ for allowing me the use of your avatar. I tried not to damage her. What "Mike" will do in the future is out of my hands, though.

OK, Tom's entry is up! And hey, it's actually...sorta...coherent, which is fun for a change.

Anyhow. Scott, feel up to the challenge? This time next week?

Welcome.

I like your section!

*Sniff* And it's all my fault that Berry bit the dust! Waaaaaaaaaaa!

Oh, erm, just a query.

Who is the dead body in Oregon?

It can't be Fredericks, because JayDee's section in Round II said that the "wacko" was under fire from unknown assailants, but recovered.

Just offhand, I doubt that death == recovered.

One more query, then I'll shut up, I promise.

Is there any objection to me archiving TDEMG on my website?

Actually I was thinking that Donavan was pretty much useless without Fredricks. (Though if someone does have a good use for him, it is still possible that he's at large. Perhaps the body is Fredricks' sister or some previously un-named friend who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.) In any case it is Fredricks who is the "partner" who is in no shape to be interrogated, yet.

And things in many of the recent chapters have happened more-or-less simultaneously, so it is quite possible that Berry died before you sent him the e-mail. (Not that it matters, unless the timing becomes crucial later in the story.)

One other point to make before someone calls it as a nit. Morgan has Fredricks knowing about the "silo-runners" (an apparent reference to Deke and Tim) long before he can have learned about any other prisoners, and yet I have Mike dismissing them. There are two possibilities and either or both of them can prove to be true: Either Mike's instincts, while good, aren't perfect, or Fredricks meant someone or something else.

I noticed the slight discrepancy at the time I first read Morgan's chapter, but didn't mention it then because I thought it was deliberate. I only mention it now to show that I'm not contradicting him.

My only objection (one that can easily be countered) is that I don't know the address of your website

Man... I think I am going to go clinically insane trying to write the next segment.

Go, Scott? Thought you were already there.

My mistake.

Tom! How could you have not received the memo about the location of my website?

Not to worry, Scott - at this point it may actually help to be clinically insane while writing the next segment.

MJ, I don't see a problem, as long as the various authors give their permission.

ScottN,

If I may give you an idea. J McC and Dood hear somehow of Berry's death, can not break the encryption of his latest e-mail when he avoided that sort of thing, but can read its address. MJ, gets a visit from Satan's Helper and then dies a horrible ignominious death. (Sorry MJ, I had to say that. I still think you are jalapeno flavored ice cream.)

I never saw the memo because I am apparently not cleared to access it. I am bookmarking sapphirewolf even now.

Fair's fair, so I should link you to my web pages as well. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit that I don't have a fully realized website, but just a couple of hypertext articles I wrote in conjunction with someone else's site. The premise of that other site was that the television screen is a window into a parallel dimension. my articles were a history of several families, and a theory of magic.

Okay, if anyone has no objections, I'll put the pieces up on my site by Sunday.

Otherwise, holler...

OK, I've sent off my submission to Kerrie at her NitCentral address.

I'm afraid it's a bit weak, but (along with the rest of you, I hope), I'm thoroughly confused...

Does that mean it's my turn? *Promptly starts to panic*

Yeah, go ahead, MJ...erm, with your turn, that is, not the panicking.

Sorry Scott - I did get your submssion but then got unexpectedly called away from computer access for the weekend.
I'll hopefully have it up by tomorrow noon.

OK, here it is! And don't worry, Scott, it's always nice to hear from d00d and company regardless.

So MJ, I'm thinking next Saturday as a deadline...?

Sunday night, please?

I'm now working full time, and it's my first week at the wolves.

And I don't get 'net access from work! *huffs* Even though we USE the internet.

Gods, I already hate my job. (No 'net access before work, after work, during breaks, or during lunches either. How anal is that?)

Yeah, sure, Sunday night will be fine.

Good luck with the wolves. They do sound uptight.

OK, here's MJ's latest. The plot seems to be thickening nicely...and, hey, Mark's up next. Does this mean he gets to ride to his beloved's rescue?

Only time will tell, will it?

A polite round of applause to Kerrie and all the contributing authors of this story.
As I've been cleaning stuff up in Sci-Fi Novels, I ran across something I'd forgotten about. It was called "The Write-It-Yourself Novel", a previous attempt at a group written story here at NitCentral. It seems to have proceeded in fits and lurches until finally dying about a year ago.
I salute all those involved here who have managed to make one of these things work as they should.
Bravo.

Why, thanks, Butch, that's very nice of you.

Speaking of which: Kerrie, I'll get my chapter to you by the end of this weekend. Extreme fatigue delays it.

The weekend came, and then went.

I think we're still waiting on you, Morgan...

Morgan,

Blame it on having to deal with MJ. This could be as good as Springer.

I think it'll be done when it's done, Jenkins.

In other words, never.

Gotcha.

I'll have you know, Mr Berry, he can hardly blame it on me. I work now. I deal with sheer idiots.

Gods above, don't get me started on the idiots (especially when I tell you I'm going to terminate the call if you continue to use profanity, and you say "Go ahead and f**king terminate the call!" Think I won't?).

MJ,

I never said he would be right. On the Jerry Springer show (You know the person thinks they are getting a makeover but instead the show is tittled "my Catholic wife does not know I'm a lesbian prostitute truck driver who eats meat on Fridays of Lent with her mother..." They are never right (neither party actually) but the fight is fun to watch: sorta why people slow down to look at traffic accidents.

You work in customer complaints. I pity you. The company spends millions of $ trying to get a freindly image and they still tick off people enough that they need you to just be there and let people vent on. Your job is to listen to angry people and do nothing for them.

"Gods?" I don't get it. I thought you only believed in one Goddess.

My job is to try and help people out, and I did get one woman very happy, explaining her bill down to the last cent. And she wanted to know why the four previous people she'd talked to couldn't explain it.

They're lazy.

No. I believe in the Goddess, and the Consort. There are different aspects to each, with names to go with those aspects. Although this discussion might be more appropriate at RM, if you want more info.

MJ,

Actually since there is a character with your name still alive that is very much like you although this is fiction and it is not you this may be relevant here. Of course if said character is unquestionably indubitably, and undeniably dead (merely dead won't suffice, sincerely dead will do in a pinch) everything changes.

Of course, I'll never feel comfortable enough to write for your character, but perhaps a visit to the Wicca board is called for.

Hey...

Since the Moderator has recently introduced the roundtable idea to a Yahoo! Group she helps moderate...except this one she (rather foolishly) agreed to write for herself...and now finds herself staring down the barrel of about ten major plot crossroads...she is inclined to be merciful.

That said, Mark, if you don't have your entry in by Monday you are gonna have to cope with a seriously overstressed Moderator.

Ah, Happy Tuesday, Mark, and about your entry...?

I'm gonna have to set a deadline on this - please get back to me by Thursday, or I'll (regretfully) have to hand things off to JD.

Back to you, or you want my part by then?

Back to me. Your part would be nice, too, but it's optional given a really good excuse.

How good do you need? I start vacation Friday afternoon, blessed with *not* being at work 10 hours a day.

Folks, I'm calling it. It won't be for at least three or four more days before any installment comes from me. Instead of waiting longer JD can take it, if he still has enough network access to be part of the game.

I'm not dropping out, but I just realized it's 9PM my time and it's not happening tonight, and I have plans for the rest of the week.

If you kill off MJ you can guarantee I'll be back to deal with *that*...

Mark,

How about a coma or temporary paralysis? How about a Spock's Brain-type treatment except they never get her mouth right and her character always refers to you as Mathk?

So is the story dead?

No, no, no...just sorta in a summer-holiday (also Moderator-hugely-busy-elsewhere) -induced lull, I hope.

I've sent off a note to JD asking him if he can come up with an entry by next week. Then Craig has indicated he's willing to take his turn no problem, and so has Berry.

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! TDEMG Revived!

Or, in other words, I've just posted JD's entry...or commentary...he seems to have set himself up as a future CNN correspondent, only with a sense of humour. (Love that bit about 'possible golf-club-membership-revocation'!)

Anyhow, Craig, ready to give it a go...?

JD,

That's it? Not that I'm complaining, but no one died.

Maybe my computer is wierd. Anyone have to scroll to read it?

That's it, Blue. Sorry, but having neither computer nor home Internet connection can really strain the amount of time spent online. :-)

Snore... snore... sno-HUH?! Wha? Oh, it's my turn now, is it? Hmm. I'll have something by Friday, unless something dire occurs in the meantime. (I've already kind of got it done in my head, but my 'net time is severely limited.)
Hey, JD, that entry almost made me feel like I was reading a Douglas Adams novel! Or watching a Monty Python sketch. But at least it's consistent in its weirdness.

Oh, hey kerriem, you forgot to change the "now writng/up next" thingee on the story board.
(Isn't a story board a drawing they use in movie production to show how a scene will look when filmed? Just a little word play. Would that be a pun? Am I puninshing you all enough? If I have time to write all this, why don't I just make my submission?)

Puninshing?

Is that some sort of weird Craggie terminology?

Did you inhale too much incense, bud?

CR,

You are a Punlade (no one speaks Portuguese, right? I don't speak Portuguese either but that was a killer insult in 5th grade.).

Don't worry about us. If your posts are too pungent then those of us that are football fans and can punt if we have too. The small ones are to puny to notice and the rest are punks.

BTW, my spell checker thinks the format code"/b{anything}" is punctuation.

kerriem,

When he's done I get you my installment punctually.

kerriem,

When he's done I get you my installment punctually.-- Blue Berry

What me mean is fire BAD. Bread GOOOOD. Fire BAAAAD. UNNRH! No feel strong.

Wow! Did I let loose a flood or what?
Incense, your majesty? No, scarrily enough, I'm like this normally. (Remember, you're not the only weird one around here, you know!)
OK, before Queen MJ points it out, scarrily isn't a real word (maybe I ought to try some incense!)... And before Berry gets going again, I'll beat him to it: "Scarrily, scarrily, scarrily, scarrily, life is but a dream." (Everybody, now!)

Yes, yes, I know, kerriem. I should be working on my submission...

OK, Craig's entry is up!

In which we simoultaneously learn more and less about Marietta, the lady in the black Lexus...

...Which is great stuff in and of itself but unfortunately still leaves Machiko languishing in the hands of the enemy, or something. Well, Berry, guess it's all up to you.

P.S. Yes, yes, very punny everyone...but if the Moderator is forced to cope with any similar bad punnage in the actual entries her wrath will be very, very scarrily to behold.

If this keeps up, we'll have to start posting over at Jokes and Groaners part umpteen!

I only languish in the hands of Morgan!

Oh...ahem.

You didn't need to know that, did you?

Or maybe it's "anguish" instead.

MJ,

I'm sorry.

I know the MJ segment is not first person. It is different with an anonymous person, but this is MJ. Besides, I can't do a first person from a female! I ain't that perverted. Besides I don't know how (or if) women think.

MJ,

Well, sorry.

Hey, I finally managed to get Berry's entry up! (Y'know, the one he sent me on Thursday. Sorry 'bout that, William.)
Why do I have the feeling he and MJ are gonna need to discuss this one in great detail...?

Anyhow, TomM, ready to take on the challenge?

Berry.

Meet me at dawn at Borders. A duel for my honour, sir! You bring the wine, I'll bring my sword.

After that, I have a ritual to attend.

In case anyone else tries to get funny wif me: I wouldn't talk anyway, just to p--- someone off (or I'd babble in utterly incoherent fragments). Closing the eyes and smirking just a bit works wonders too.

Kerrie-

I need an extension Please. Pretty please with peanut-butter bagels?

I think I know what I have to do in the next segment. But there are certain things that are impossible. I need to research them to make the impossible seem plausible. Especially since Scott follows me and he already knows everything I need to research, and can tear me apart if there are too many obvious nits.

Tom, Drop me a line (sconeu at yahoo dot com) and I'll give you a hand with the science if you want.

OK Tom - this sounds intriguing. Take what time you need to research, with Scott or otherwise.

Just thought I should let you know- from an outsider's perspective, this is all quite entertaining.

Which, the discussion or the story?

Yes.

Hey, we have fans! Cool. Thanks, Sparrow

No sweat. Not that you should feel, I don't know... compelled to finish the thing, or anything...

Wait a minute! My posts nitpicking William Berry's and MJ's portions didn't indicate that others were reading?

Oh, sorry, of course they did, NSetzer - also Electron, and Butch, and anybody else I may have forgotten.

Fact is, this thing's gotten so crazily serpentine that even yours truly the All-Powerful Moderator must admit to having difficulty keeping track of it all.

So how many storylines do we have running now? I've lost count. To be honest, this thing is more byzantine than the X-Files was at the height of its glory!

-12-

I appreciate everyone's patience. It turns out the research didn't take very long at all, once Scott pointed me in the right direction. (Thanks, Scott)

The actual writing, though was hard to get done. Until I discovered the long-forgotten character of Jason, who appeared in MJ's first installment, I had no "voice" for some of the things I wanted to say. (Thanks, MJ -- and BTW I want you to know that it is Fredericks, and not me that refers to you by that word)

Anyway, my installment is in the (e-)mail.

*Plots some evil torment for Tom, even before the installment is posted. As back up. Just in case. Being prepared for the worst while expecting the best and all that jazz...*

MJ,

I have no evidence, but I find if I prepare for the worst I inevitably get it.

The collective unconscious believes in the power of positive thinking. Just remember that, dog gone it, subconsciously people like you.

OK, Tom's entry is up!

(And I dunno if I should also be giving ScottN an auxiliary research credit - if so, kudos to him too!)

Anyhow, Tom's entry plunges us back into the heart of our story, and a deeply cool place it is. I have very little idea what it all means, mind you, but it's still really cool.

So, Scott, are we gonna hear more from d00d & co this entry, or...?

ARRRGGGGHHHH! Must clear brain!

Erm...I'm really hoping that's the short version of "Yes ma'am, Your Moderatorshipness, I'd be pleased and more than thrilled to have my insightful, witty and of course brilliantly written entry to you in only one week!"

Seriously...given you've apparently been pulling double duty on Tom's entry..I think we can give you a couple extra days if you need 'em, Scott.

Hmmmmm... this "virus to release a vaccine" idea reminds me a lot of the Clancy book Rainbow Six (er, I think), which had a similar plot line. Well, similar in that there was this eco-terrorist group that was going to release the Ebola virus and then claim to have a vaccine that would expose the world to a more lethal strain of the virus, thus wiping out 99% of the world's population and letting the survivors build a more harmonized world...

...well, that's perhaps not quite what these guys are up to, but there are some similarities there... yeah...

Yes ma'am, Your Moderatorshipness, I'd be pleased and more than thrilled to have my insightful, witty and of course brilliantly written entry to you in only one week!

Hey, great, thanks!

Any chance of the rest of you guys falling into line accordingly?

Not if He...um, the sun...froze over.

But we can pretend I did, right?

One unexpected side effect of the virus is time travel and making he... um, the sun... freeze over.

Why doesn't anybody talk about BOOKS anymore? This seems to be the ONLY part of this board about Books that anybody posts on! What about the Novels?

Kerriem, I've finished, but, silly me, I can't remember your email. Is it "kerriem@nitcentral.com"?

Duh! Looked on the front page of Non Sci-Fi novels. It's in the mail. Honest, really!

Hey...Scott got his insightful, witty and of course brilliantly written entry to me in only one week! And of course I'm pleased and more than thrilled - always fun to hear from the d00ds.

To add to the fun, it's now MJ's turn...to rescue herself. Or something.

Why doesn't anybody talk about BOOKS anymore? This seems to be the ONLY part of this board about Books that anybody posts on! What about the Novels?

I hear you, Brian - and thanks much for your own contributions! - but historically this hasn't been the busiest of boards, and I've learned to live with it. After all, it's not like I can grab posters by the cyber-collar and force them to express opinions.

Besides, to call TDEMG 'only' anything is underestimating it badly. Even if nobody ever posts to the rest of the board, I'm proud of what we've done here: carved out a fun, lively corner of NitCentral in which to show off the remarkable writing talents of a bunch of its posters, to the entertainment of several non-participants as well.

I'm glad you liked it. Kerrie... I was particularly proud of the Nitcentral reference.

Hey, MJ! I thought you were going to archive it? And after I went to the trouble of signing up, too! Meanie!

Wow, I mean like wow. I'm almost speechles.

Almost. I was readying the who is resopinsible for the alien conspiracy that must peter out of its own accord installment.

Now it was an open conspiracy all along. I gotta rewrite in my head Mike and General Eberhart figuring out a virus and vaccine based virus. I've never showed them using computers. Given his age Eberhart's stereotypye is coputerphobic.

Wow it is supposed to turn away from you, and it usually does.

By the way, let me talk about government run monopolies like for instance the lotter... Gets killed by a Homeland Security agent who pushes his body out of the chair to imitate him.

The lottery is wonderful. Gambling is bad so the police must arrest the bad guys. The lottery is good because the state takes the bad stuff out the gambling.

Goota run. Peace. Out. Word. Freedom. Stuff.

Hmmm... good installment... except...

As far as I know, Berry does not archive NitCentral for his own purposes. Perhaps then this is supposed to be a hint that Berry is the one saving and then posting the Entire episode boards over in the Enterprise section! But, how would ScottN know this, hmmmmmm? Isn't it more likely that he himself is the perpetrator, and is using this reference to shift suspicion away from him? Shame! Shame!

What can I say? I got a new computer, and trying to get it tweaked to my preferences is taking a huge amount of time.

But...we'll see.

MJ,

Take it back. Get Linux. (I'm half joking.)

No, I'll just get me a new hard drive at the end of the warranty period and put Linux on that.

Now, just for Scott (you should feel special, y'know), I've got most of the work done with putting TDEMG on SapphireWolf.com - just need to slap 'em up now.

Ow!

Kerrie, Scott hurt meeeeee!

He threatened to twist my arm off if'n I didn't get TDMEG up on my site!

Make him stop!

It's up, geesh!

;)

I sent my piece in on...Wednesday, I think.

It bites, but it's in.

Is it just me, or does posting seem to be a lot more sporadic than it used to be?
(Btw, wasn't there a line somewhere that asks "Is it just me, or does everyone hate questions that begin with 'Is it just me...'?"?)

Actually, it was Thursday, MJ, but I'm just as sorry for the delay anyhow. (Your Moderator is in the process of moving house this week, and it's wreaking havoc with her ability to spend quality time with the computer.)

So...here's MJ's entry, and I think it's actually really good...a little non-sequitur-ish, but that seems to be the theme this round ...and funny, very funny.

And I'm not just saying that because I finally got around to checking out her setup at Sapphirewolf.com - BTW, Scott, you put that arm down right now! - but I do think the intro is extremely impressive. (I like my sacrifices in chocolate, thanks. )

Next up: Morgan finally gets around to rescuing his lady fair...?

Who Me?

,

No not you. She means Scott Hamilton and "Scott" as a short hand way of referring to people from Scotland - the extra "T" is a ytpo.

MJ,

Not bad. Your character can talk again? Sheesh! I either have to make her mute and roll her eyes a lot or stay away from her entirely: I can't do the mangrove part. Limiting her to one word response could be cool. ("Is it safe?" "Clinton" [Penny for anyone getting the reference.])

KerrieM,

Your assuming Morgan (the character) isn't partying. Besides, MJ (the writer) might like having MJ (the character) inside. (I mean what next - she gets slipped a Torah detailing DR. Evil's plans to take over the world.)

There is another "Scott" for you.

By the by, for those who don't know, Lingos are an old Nextel phone.

Very old.

And very dangerous. You can swing those thing by the antenna and break skulls with them.

My trainer at work related a story where he saw someone with a Lingo use it to break up a block of ice, with no harm to the phone at all. Throw 'em out the window of a moving vehicle onto the freeway, and they won't break.

They aren't phones, really. They're billyclubs in disguise.

Cool, a phone an older military man would love. The one thing he would hate MJ for above all else having to use a puny motorola, or a picture sending thing from nexttel. (Hey, someone want to have a guy in a trench coat comfort the crying general a explain this new, little phone is static free.)

So did I miss something or did no one explain when MJ was released from the bound, catheterized, I.V-ed state?

I dunno... maybe each chapter occurs in realtime, which means this story will likely never end.

To elaborate on my last post: Obviously, some time has passed. Still, sounds like we might have a nit!

A) "Spock, McCoy," ordered Kirk "Let's beam down to the planet."

Kirk, McCoy, and, Spock went to the sliding bridge door. The door opened. Kirk went through. McCoy went through. Spock went through. "Transporter Room," said Kirk. The turbo lift brought them to the deck of the transporter room. Kirk exited the turbo lift. McCoy exited the turbo lift. Spock exited the turbulent. Kirk walked purposefully down the short hallway to the transporter room where Mr. Scott waited. OK, that enough.

B) "Spock, McCoy," ordered Kirk "Let's beam down to the planet."

After hearing Mr. Scott’s usual prognostication of doom, the beamed down.

On the planet they were met by Bevis and Butthead. "Heh, Heh," said Beavis, "I can't think of anything funny and clean."

Which is better A) or B)? I vote for B). MJ wrote a "B)" story and her "recovery" happened "off camera" in Trek speak. I don't think a story about Captain Pierce removing tubes from MJ as she regained control of her limbs would make a good read.

Time? I'm waiting for someone to screw up. Berry has been dead for only a couple of days in the story and he was murdered in April (the cruelest month that should leave bitterness to February) of an unspecified year.

B story to a B plot for a B movie?

MJ,

Sorry if I was unclear (and tpyo-ful). I responding to how your character became "uncatheterized" etc. I was trying to show that you not have to describe everything in detail. (Kirk noticed the rug was a different color where he usually walked as he put his left foot down. He lifted his right foot and proceeded to place it in front of his left. Ad infinitum)

Or maybe you were unclear? Should your post have a "" after it? (Everyone please note that Berry is not the only one with tpyo's.)

So... not to prod anyone or anything, but... there should be another entry soonish, right?

Also, shouldn't we be on Round 4 rather than Round 3?

Yes and yes. Sorry.

Owing to circs beyond etc your Moderator's Net access has been severely curtailed this month. When she is no longer forced to rely on public terminals with time limits - grumblegrumblegrumble - she will fix the Round 3/4 problem (part of a general Non Sci-Fi Novels cleanup that's way overdue).

As for the next entry...Morgan (or MJ), can you shed some light on that one for us?

Don't worry, Your Moderatorshipness, we know that anything you do will be witty, insightful, and well written.

Well, MJ has been pretty darn sick these last few days, but she will do her best to beat Morgan over the head with a stuffed trout.

Under such circumstances I recommend using a halibut instead of a trout. Best wishes to you!

Hey, I heard that Morgan was just doing this for the halibut anyways...

You're fired, Scott.

That was VERY bad.

*groans*

Yeah, it was so bad, I might call it sole-less.

But, I really hate to carp... I mean, a better pun and I might be singing a different tuna, but as it stands now...

"Singing a different tuna," Sparrow? So if you're singing in concert, would you be surrounded by groupers?
By the way, this reminds me of a song I heard on Dr. Demento called "Wet Dream." Best line therein: "Abalone, you're just being shellfish!"

Dang, guys, these are some cod-awful puns...

(Oh, and to be serious for a moment...thanks, Scott. )

So will we find out what happened when MJ flounder self in custody?

If Sparrow's singing a different tuna, I assume it must be "Salmon Chanted Evening"?

I stand corrected: that was the best line in the song I mentioned. Ah, never mind; the whole song's funny. Or terrible, depending upon your point of view.
By the way, Callie, if it was just a coincidence and you came up with that on your own, good one!

By the way, does this hiatus we've been enduring mean that the story was "dead in the water"?

Anyone else want to mackerel-ly brave last attempt at flexing their humor mussels and whiting down more fish puns here in this plaice, or has everyone haddock-nough?

Look guys, all I can say is this...

ALL YOUR BASS ARE BELONG TO US!

I knew I should have just beat Morgan with a silly straw instead of mentioning seafood at all.

I shall now keep my mouth clamped shut. And in the meantime, lobster-geon out of the peanut gallery.

Maybe Mark will need a brain sturgeon after MJ's through with him?

Hopefully, he won't have to resort to brute mussel power to fend her off!

Oh, well. I'm having a whale of a time with this.

PS: Kerriem, maybe you should copy the past few days' entries over to the Etymology board; talk about weird and wild detours of language! Come on, you've got nothing better to do, right?

You have proven the pen (computer message board actually) is mightier than the swordfish. Now I believe that MJ mentioned using a straw. Hay! That's a good idea. My question is if she meant dried grass (which will BELONG TO US) or if she meant something to drink with? (Of course that idea may not hold water and actively $ucks.)

Well, once again, a week goes by without another story installment. This is most unsatisfying.

Indeed, it is most heinous!

The people that bring us TDEMG are not being excellent to us...

I did beat Morgan over the head with a stuffed trout, and he did say he was going to do some writing.

Perhaps I shall make him do it before we go to 'Chamber of Secrets' tomorrow.

I'll get my installment up soon, promise. I just have to get caught up on the storyline!

Pat Summeral: Fourth and one.

Madden: Here on the field down by 28 late in the fourth quarter? Go for it.

Summeral: The play clock is ticking down and, nope, they aren't going to make it.

Men in black and white stripes throwing yellow flags and blowing whistle run onto the field. The camera closes in on one.

Ref: Delay of Game. Offense. Five yard penalty. Repeat FOURTH DOWN.

Summeral: There is a big difference between fourth and one and fourth and six.

Madden: Wait. The coach is throwing the red flag on the field to challenge the call. I don't know what is to challenge. I mean if...

Summeral: Wait a minute, John, that isn't the red flag. That's a bloody severed head.

Dennis Miller: It's like Hasdrubal joining Hannibal.

Marv Albert: YES!

Madden: Lets see the replay. Here you see coach Morgan yelling at number 73.

Voice in background: Who is #73?

Madden: then MJ walks up behind him with a sword and BAM one swing takes his head off and sends it rolling twenty yards.

Summeral: Wow! Look at her form! She follows through like a pro.

Madden: Look how she plants her feet. Here and here. Look at this again. BAM

Summeral: Morgan's body spurts blood on #73 who flees in terror.

Voice in background: Who is #73?

Dennis Miller: Of course he ran. I'd run too. There isn't a red blooded American male who when confronted with a broad sword wielding Alanis Morrisette "You Oughta Know" psycho chick doesn't run like the water that coagulates at the top of a ketchup bottle before she decides it is all his fault and ads him to her Ichabod Crane collection.

Marv Albert: YES!

Camera zooms in on referee

Referee: Upon further review; personal foul. Unnecessary roughness. Intentionally decapitating the coach. Fifteen Yards. First Down.

Summeral: Small benefit for coach Morgan, but at least it is a first down.

Madden: Do you think he planned that?

Dennis Miller: He planned it as much as Rodney King set up those cops that beat him senseless.

Marv Albert: YES!

Hey!

I'm utterly insulted by any reference to me and Alanis Morrisette in the same sentence. I may not be able to sing, but at least I don't sound like a nasally Daffy Duck on helium!

MJ,

It was Dennis Miller who made the reference. I suggest you do what everyone else did and ignore him.

Marv Albert: YES!

Hear ye, hear ye, or at least shut up so everyone else can listen... we are gathered here today to pay our respects to NitCentral's Drunken English Major Game, having let it die through inaction...

Okay, but seriously, folks, let's hear some chatter out there!

Sparrow47,

I told kerriem I'm ready to go out of turn.

Sorry, but I think the honorable thing is for Morgan to forfiet since he needs the time anyway.

(Someone had to say it. Being tactless hath advantages.)

So who's up?

I told kerriem I'm ready to go out of turn.Blue Berry

Groovy. Good luck with that. No doubt this will help Morgan by making the story much easier to understand by the time it gets back around.

CR,

JD would be up, but that is kerriem's call.

There's no doubt I have to skip. I have no clue what to do next with any of the characters.

Chomping at the bit again, Blue?

Well actually, yeah. Does it show real bad?

This board is over 160K. Definitely time for the new entries (and nits) to go to Board 4.

Hey, somebody wake up kerriem!

Uh, your all-powerful Moderator-ship-ness?

If you'll wake up, you'll find that I brought your coffee...

Hands over a cup of Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee.

Cream? Sugar?

If that doesn't work, this always did when I was a kid.

(Baaa. Baaa. [Just "kid"ding.])

Shhh! don't wake her up. _{If you wake her up she'll find out about it. We better try to get the dog out of the flu ourselves and the find a better place to put the hydro spanner.}

Maybe giving her blinky eyes while saying "Pleeeease," really nicely would work. I think I had some success with blinky eyes in the past.

You mean this ;), or perhaps this ;> or maybe !)

No, not winky eyes... blinky eyes, where you bat your eyelashes like this. (Bats eyelashes... guess it doesn't work too well on these boards.)

Could it be written something like this?

bat...bat...bat (nevermind, the vampires are here.)

Yawn...gruffleflmf...Wha?! Hey! You kids put that hydro spanner down THIS INSTANT! How many times do I have to tell you - you keep making those faces, your eyelashes`ll freeze that way!

And WHO INVITED THE VAMPIRES OVER AGAIN?

Grouchgrumble...hmmm? -accepts coffee- Ahhhhhhhh....two sugars and a cream, please. Thanks.

Seriously, gang, sorry to have been AWOL so long...life and all that, y`know. I`ll create the new threads ASAP.
Meanwhile, in re: next entry...MJ, you maybe wanna get that trout out again, eh?