In three classic volumes of prose (Getting Even, Without Feathers, and Side Effects), the Woodster brilliantly parodies everything from existential doctrine to solve-them-yourself mysteries. Some gems from these works:

"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."

"God is silent. Now if we can only get man to shut up."

"We can say that the universe consists of a substance . . . Democritus called it atoms. Leibnitz called it monads. Fortunately the two men never met, or there would have been a very dull argument."

"Eternal nothingness is OK if you're dressed for it."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder: should the beholder have poor eyesight, he can ask the nearest person which girls look good."