"Sarcasm's a disturbing thing coming from a woman of your age, Mrs. Landingham."
"What age would that be, Toby?"
Toby swallows hard while trying to think of a way out of this. Finally, he says, "Late 20s."
"Atta boy, Toby."
"Can I have a cookie?"
"No. Have a cookie, Sam," she says as Sam joins them.
--"Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc"
"Don't take the bait." ---Josh tells Toby, who is about to hit the roof.
"You'd better believe I'm going to take the bait."
"There ought to be a law." Leo blowing steam a little and also egging Toby on.
Leo shrugs when Josh asks him: "Why get him started?"
"There is a law. How about threatening the life of the President? He was talking to other people: how about conspiracy? They were military officers, how about treason? That was a member of our own party."
"It's bad, I know," Leo says. "What are you going to do?"
"Have the Justice Department bring him in pending felony charges."
"Toby's right. What's the good of being in power if you're not going to haul your enemies in for questioning?" This earns Josh a kick from C.J. and a snigger from Sam.
"What we really need to do is arrest people for being mean to the President," Leo says, ending the discussion.
--"A Proportional Response"
Actually, I feel that some entire episodes are quotable...but the modem users would kill me.
"You think that I think that an artist's job is to speak the truth. An artist's job is to captivate you for however long as we've asked for your attention. If we stumble into truth, we got lucky, and I don't get to decide what truth is."
-- The US Poet Laureate, from "The US Poet Laureate." Posted because she is 100% WRONG ON ALL COUNTS.
Trauma nurse: "I need to ask you some questions, Sir. Do you have any medical conditions."
The President: "Well, I've been shot."
"In the Shadow of Two Gunmen"
I love this one because, well, Bartlet has MS.
"Believe me, it wasn't because you were bad in bed or anything like that."
"No, I didn't think it was, Tad. . . ."
"You're good in bed."
"I'm great in bed," she says a little too loudly, and a couple of people a few feet away look around.
--"Galileo"
Sam: I accidentally slept with a call girl.
Toby: Accidentally? Did you trip over something?
Mandy: Mr. President, if you could also see your way clear to not answering that question like an economics professor with a big old stick up his butt, that would be good too.
Bartlet: I am an economics professor with a big old stick up my butt, but I'll do my best for you, there, Mandy.
[Charlie seeks and obtains the President's permission to date his daughter.]
President Bartlet: Just remember these two things: she's nineteen years old, and the 82nd Airborne works for me.
Bartlet: I was watching a television program before, with a kind of roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with their boyfriends -- apparently, because the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends' mothers. And they brought the boyfriends out, and they fought, right there on television. Toby, tell me: these people don't vote, do they?
Josh: You know what, CJ? I really think I'm the best judge of what I mean, you paranoid Berkeley shiksa feminista! ...Wow, that was way too far.
CJ: No. No. Well, I've got a staff meeting to go to and so do you, you elitist, Harvard, fascist, missed-the-dean's-list-two-semesters-in-a-row Yankee jackass!
Josh: Feel better getting that off your chest there, C.J.?
C.J.: I'm a whole new woman.
Bartlet: "We hold these truths to be self-evident," they said, "that all men are created equal." Strange as it may seem, that was the first time in history that anyone had ever bothered to write that down. Decisions are made by those who show up.
I like this one, well, because.
Bartlet: What is that?
Morris Tolliver: It's a flu shot.
Bartlet: I don't need a flu shot.
Tolliver: You do need a flu shot.
Bartlet: How do I know this isn't the start of a military coup? I want the secret service in here right away.
Tolliver: In the event of a military coup what makes you think that the secret service is going to be on your side?
Bartlet: Now there's a thought that's gonna fester.
Toby: This administration doesn't even need an opposition party, we do fine ourselves.
And, of course, one of my favorites:
Bartlet: I like how you call homosexuality an abombination.
Jenna Jacobs: I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President, the Bible does.
Bartlet: Yes, it does. Leviticus.
Jacobs: 18:22.
Bartlet: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I have you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophmore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be?
--While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it OK to call the police?
--Here's one that's really important because we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point?
--Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you?
CJ: The more photo-friendly of the two turkeys gets a Presidential pardon and a full life at a children's petting zoo; the other one gets eaten.
Bartlet: If the Oscars were like that, I'd watch.
The staff is discussing, and disagreeing on, what should be done with the boat of Cubans about to hit Florida.
Josh: "Oh, please, CJ. If any one of these guys could throw a split-fingered fastball, we'd send in the USS Eisenhower!"
Too true!
HA! Finally found the full exchange:
CJ: "Oh, Josh?
Josh: "Yeah?"
CJ: "The Federal Page of the Washington Post just called Carol to confirm that you're the Josh Lyman stated on an internet website that the White House can order a GAO review of anything it wants?
Josh: "Without threatening the separation of powers is what I was..."
CJ: "You posted on a website?"
Josh: "I was communicating with the people."
CJ: "Really?"
Josh: "CJ, it's a crazy place. It's got this dictatorial leader, who I'm sure wears a muu-muu and chain-smokes Parliaments."
CJ: "What did you go there for in the first place?"
Josh: "It's called LemonLyman.com."
CJ: "Let me explain something to you. This is sort of my field. The people on these sites? They're the cast of 'One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest.' The muu-muu-wearing Parliament smoker? That's Nurse Ratchett. When Nurse Ratchett is unhappy, the patients are unhappy. You? You're McMurphy. You swoop in with your card games and fishing trips."
Josh: "I didn't swoop in, I came in the exact same way everyone else did."
CJ: "Well now I'm telling you to open the wardroom window and climb on out before they give you a free frontal lobotomy and I have to smother you with a pillow."
Josh: (pause) "You're..."
CJ: (nodding) "I'm Chief Romden, yes, at this particular moment. I'm assigning an intern from the press office to that website. They're going to check it every night before they go home. If they discover you've been there I'm going to shove a motherboard so far up your ass... What?"
Josh "Technically I outrank you..."
CJ: "SO FAR UP YOUR ASS!"
Josh: "Okay."
CJ: "Okay."
-- "The US Poet Laureate." I really hate the way Sorkin dealt with every major issue in this episode, but I love CJ to death.
Double HA! I found CJ's *other* best speech of the season:
(To Nancy McNally, the National Security Advisor): "The point is, apartheid was an East Hampton clambake compared to what we laughingly refer to as these women's lives, and if we'd tried to sell M1-A1s to South Africa 15 years ago, you'd have set the building on fire! Thank God we never had to refuel in Johannesburg!... (having grown steadily more agitated, now nearly in tears)... they're beating the women, Nancy..."
-- "The Women Of Qumar." Again, I don't particularly like Sorkin's invention of a fake Middle Eastern country that the West Wing cast can have fake conflicts with, but CJ Cregg kicks so much ass she needs special shoes.
Uh, Matt, does that mean that Phil is Nurse Ratchett? Because if it does, then the inmates are running the asylum!
Well, like I said, I don't agree with the way Sorkin treated that aspect (and indeed *every* aspect) of that episode. However, the metaphor is funny if you don't think about it, and Allison Janney can pull off any line. So it goes down in my book as a good quote.
No, no, no... I meant that *WE* are the inmates running the NitCentral asylum 
Though Phil seems too nice to be Nurse Ratchett.
And I meant that I don't agree that people who post web forums are equivalent to inmates. Some places get out of control, but those are the places that die.
However, we *do* still have a link to One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, since Louise Fletcher, who played Nurse Ratched, was also Kai Winn on Deep Space Nine. I'm just sayin'.
My favorite quote of the series thus far; from the the last saeson's finale
Bartlett to the republican candidate; " In case you were wondering it wat at'boy crime I don't know', that I decided to kick your ass, now if you will excuse me their playing my song."
(possibly not 100% accurate on the quote)
"Process Stories"
"There could have been a worse time, but I'm not going to take any chances."
--Bartlet to Sam, when the latter interrupts him (to discuss the California 47th) when Bartlet and Abbey are preparing to...
"Eyes front, mister."
--Bartlet to Sam, when Sam greets Abbey (who's wearing lingerie at the moment).
7A WF 83429
Walken: I'm just a good prime rib dinner away from a cardiac arrest.
Walken (about the assassinated Qumari diplomat): He was a walking, talking command post!
I really like John Goodman in this role.
Hammer, your quote was riddled with typos.
Bartlet to Republican: "In case you were wondering, it was at "boy, crime, I don't know" that I decided to kick your ass, now if you will excuse me they're playing my song."
~~~
I don't remember the context of this one, but it's cute.
Josh: Victory is mine, victory is mine. Great day in the morning, victory is mine.
Donna: Good morning, Josh.
Josh: I drink from the keg of glory, Donna. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in the land.
Donna: This is going to be an unbearable day...
~~~
Oh, this was a fun one.
Lord Marbury: [is drunk] Abby! May I grasp your breasts?
Bartlet: Her husband is standing right here!
Abby: You may kiss my cheek.
I love Marbury, he gets on everyone's nerves. ^^
~~~
I love this one. From when Bartlet got a fever and Abbey cancelled her trip.
Bartlet: I could jump you right now.
Abbey: I could kill you right now.
Bartlet: My idea's more fun.
~~~
This one is also from Bartlet's fever. He's talking to Toby.
Bartlet: I was watching a television program before, with a kind of roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with their boyfriends - apparently, because the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends' mothers. And they brought the boyfriends out, and they fought, right there on television. Toby, tell me: these people don't vote, do they?
~~~
Leo: There are two things in the world you never want people to see how you make them - laws and sausages.
~~~
I just pulled this one off IMDB...
Bartlet: Good. I like your show. I like how you call homosexuality an abomination.
Jenna Jacobs: I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does.
Bartlet: Yes it does. Leviticus.
Jacobs: 18:22.
Bartlet: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I have you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important because we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you? One last thing: while you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.
~~~
For still more quotes, go to:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0200276/quotes
IMDB's West Wing Memorable Quotes.
Hi! Another one I just thought of...
(don't remember the ep.)
Bartlet: Time to get out the Irish fishing sweater that makes me look like an Irish fisherman...
^^
Quote:I don't remember the context of this one, but it's cute.
Josh: Victory is mine, victory is mine. Great day in the morning, victory is mine.
Donna: Good morning, Josh.
Josh: I drink from the keg of glory, Donna. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in the land.
Donna: This is going to be an unbearable day..
Oooh, okay. Thanks. ^^
It's sad that I knew that off the top of my head.
Eh, don't kill yourself. My brother can give a complete summary of any ST:TNG episode if you give him a title. (we own all seven seasons on DVD now...)
SO COULD I!!!!
DS9, too, and I only own 1 TNG box set. 
Ooh, now I have another quote. See if you can find this one-
"This isn't a country club, or a frat party, or a junior year abroad. This is - I can't believe I have to say this - a serious place."
-Donna
"Excuse me, I have a meeting of godless infidels next door."
~Jordan to the Qumari ambassador
Best. Quote. EVER.
Having just mentioned this ep in the 'favorite episodes' list.....
"Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail" - CJ is meeting with the Cartographers for Social Equality. They are explaining what maps have to with social equality. This is from my memory so there's no way it's completely accurate.
Dr John Fallow: ...when the North is put at the top of the map and the South at the bottom, people will tend to adopt "top" and "bottom" attitudes.
CJ: Yeah,....but, where else would you put the North, except on the top?
Fallow: On the bottom.
CJ: How?
Fallow: Like this. (pushes button on remote and the screen switches to a world map view with the South at the top)
CJ: Yeah, but you can't do that.
Fallow: Why not?
CJ: Cause it's freakin me out.