"... little buddy!"

There just weren't enough "Gilligan's Island" jokes to suit me. For that, you have to watch "The Crawling Hand."

I want a spider dune buggy. There. I said it.

PACKERS!

How nauseating was this film? I couldn't get enough of seeing the redneck in red jammys, drunk wife, and lots of Packer fans. The scary part is I don't think they were acting!

Oh, and Alan Hale's jokes are just enough to send you off to worship your porcelin god.

Didn't the shop guy appraising the diamond look like Charles Manson's brother?? Really weird!!

For such a trashy movie, a decent cast--Barbara Hale (Della from "Perry Mason"), Alan "Skipper" Hale, Leslie Parrish (always popping up playing some bimbo in a '60s production).

Steve Brodie (Vance) was Flanagan in The Wild World of Batwoman.

Sheriff (on the phone): “Disturbing the peace?”
Tom (as Sheriff): “We can do that.”
Mike (as Sheriff): “Repeat what you say to provide exposition?”

Tom: “Could you get the boom mic a little closer?”
Mike: “A movie that takes the bold step of not including the audience.”

“Eww, he’s lactating!”

“Well, I’d better finish my silverfish en croute.”

“A showered person, thank God!”

“Ah, the bright promise of a disgusting new character.”

Langer: “... from the blue giants to the red dwarves.”
Tom: “Like Linda Hunt.”
Langer: “And the more fascinating stars we call normal stars.”
Crow: “Like Linda Hunt.”
Langer: “Then we have the white dwarves.”
Mike: “Like ... Linda Hunt.”
Langer: “Then there are the collapsed stars.”
Mike: “Like Robert Downey.”

“Well, it sounds like a nice place – I wish we could see it.”

“So the one thing they mic is the adding machine!”

Dan and Ev find the dead cows
“Were we supposed to be feeding the cattle?”
“Cow-tipping gone horribly wrong.”

Dan: “You’re so dumb, you wouldn’t know rabbit turd from Rice Krispies.”
Crow: “Snap, crackle, poop.”

“Y’know, I just don’t look at that table that often, you know – just occasionally; really it’s kind of a Periodic Table.”

(singing) “The hills are alive with the stink of that guy.”

“I’ll juggle my way back into his heart.”

Sheriff (on phone): “Missing?”
Crow (as Sheriff): “Well, where are you? Well, take a good look around and that’s where you would be.”

Dan: “I found another body.”
Crow: “Well, good – yours was pretty gross.”

Tom: “This invasion is awfully sluggish.”
Mike: “More like a minor spider unrest.”

Vance: “It makes a black hole in space.”
Tom: “Like Linda Hunt!”

Dan: “Could it happen?”
Crow: “Could the movie get even worse?”

Vance: “[A black hole] sucks everything up.”
Langer: “And throws everything out.”
Crow: “Like the Sheriff!”

Mike: “Johnny Crappleseed.”
Crow: “Paul Infected Bunyan.”
Tom: “Old Macdonald had a cyst.”

“Mike, if I should slip into a coma during this movie, please, please do not take any extraordinary measures to revive me.”

“I hate it when a movie kills off a beloved character. This is great, though!”

Vance: “Sheriff, if your stomach can handle it ...”
Mike (as Vance): “... I’d like to show you my vasectomy scar.”

“Audiences won’t soon forget when the thing we didn’t know what it was was put in the helicopter by the guy we didn’t know.”

“Is there a verse in the Bible that tells us when the end of this movie is near?”

“It came from Planet Gross-Out.”

The giant spider on Gilligan's Island was more convincing than this one was.