I’m amazed that I’m the first one to comment on this movie. I think it’s going to be one of my all-time favourites. It’s such a typical MST movie: absolutely nothing happens all through it! It’s basically one long advert for the United States Air Force and consists of nothing but interminably long scenes of fighter planes taxiing, taking off, refuelling in mid-air, bombing the heck out of the ground, and then landing, usually to a soundtrack of totally inappropriate music, and occasionally interspersed with scenes of the pilots’ love lives (I use the term advisedly). However, Mike and the bots provide some hilarious riffs.

Great lines:

(18 seconds into the movie)
“There’s already too much flying in this movie!”

(When the title comes up)
“The Sean Penn story!”

(Witkowski and York have the radio on in the car)
Mike: “Yeah, see, the Charleston was really big back in the sixties.”

(During the first interminable mid-air refuelling scene)
“Just lie back and think of England’s air space.”
(Fuel spurts out as the planes disconnect) “I’m sorry, that’s never happened to me.” “We can just snuggle for a while, that’s OK.”
“We should have Donna Summer singing for this scene.” (singing) “Ah, love to fuel you, baby.”
“Yes, welcome to minute six of the glorious refuelling sequence.”

Colonel: “He wants him out of Tactical Air Command and in the SAC.”
Crow: “In the sack?!”

(Lyons pulls up with his wife in the car beside him)
“All right, Dave, why don’t you get out of the wig and into your uniform?”

Lyons: “It’s a little tough on the wife.”
Tom (as Lyons): “Yeah, the wife is gonna be awful glad to see the me.”
Crow (as Lyons): “We’re going to have the sex.”

“You know, in a real movie they’d have Red Buttons doing those ladders.”

“Upsie ... um, daisy.”

(The Host Segment of Tom and Crow doing their own mid-air refuelling was a little disturbing!!)

(The planes land to romantic background music)
“Tell the tower the music’s a little loud!”

Colonel: “D’you know, flying a plane’s like making love.”
Mike (as Stevens): “You have to pay?”

(The bomb bounces)
“It’s the new Air Force goofy bomb from Whammo!”
“Yeah, go ahead and laugh – they’ve got a kitty in that bomb!”
(The bomb lands a second time and explodes. Dust billows upwards)
“It landed on Pig Pen!”
(More inappropriate background music)
“We’re gonna bomb ‘em back to the Jazz Age!”
(singing) “Kaboom, kaboom, ya-da-da ya-da-da ya-da-da-da.”

“Now, boys, I should tell you: occasionally the North Vietnamese will fight back.”

Lyons: “Mary, where are you from?”
Mary: “Iowa.”
Tom: “Oh, so you’re stupid.”

“You know, he’s crusty but extremely unlikeable.”

(During the emergency landing to completely undramatic music)
“Did they ever consider that this wasn’t riveting?”
“You know, this is about a lot more than flying.”
“Yeah, it’s about landing.”
(Witkowski lands safely and the braking parachute deploys)
“Well, that’s the moron’s problem! He’s got a parachute jammed in his plane!”

“I couldn’t go to a double make-out party with my spouse.”
(as Witkowski) “How about a little swap? I’d like a shot at Steve back there!”

“Woah! He’s got a scorched face policy!”
“Wasn’t he caucasian earlier?”

Crow: “You asked for more refuelling, and we’re giving it to you!”
Mike: “I’m at a loss: now, we’ve done promiscuity entendres?”
Tom: “Check.”
Crow: “Cuddling in the afterglow?”
Tom: “Check.”
Mike: “Multiple partner allusion?”
Tom: “Got it.”
Crow: “Premature ejaculation innuendo?”
Tom: “Yep.”
Mike: “Gas station jokes?”
Tom: “Been there.”
Crow: “Impotence?”
Tom: “Oh yeah.”
Mike: “One night stand stuff?”
Tom: “It’s all covered.”
Mike: “OK – let’s just watch, then.”

“Remember the world before this film; before refuelling?”
“There was sunshine and laughter.”
“Bunnies and kittens.”
“We seemed to laugh more then.”
“I read the screenplay – it was two pages.”
“Makes you wonder about the scenes they didn’t use.”
“The cutting room floor was remarkably clean.”

“Even their phones are sunburnt!”

(The Host Segment with the United Servo Academy Men’s Chorus was pure brilliance. Great multi-tracking by Kevin; great lyrics (especially “We are fans of Colin Firth”!); lovely harmony; great co-ordination of all the Servo puppets; then the hilarious breaking into a rousing chorus of Parlez Vous at the end!!)

“It’s a smooth, smooth ride thanks to the counter-rotating props!”

(The chopper flies over a mountainous region)
“Eegah!”
“Watch out for snakes!”

“Rampant phone call action!”

(Lyons breaks open a flare)
“I’ll signal them with my deodorant!”
“This stuff really attracts helicopters!”

(More inappropriate background music)
“Are the other armed services as easy listening as the Air Force?”

Mike (as Lyons): “That was pretty rough, man. I had to eat a lizard and drink my urine.”
Tom (as rescue serviceman): “But you were only here for ten minutes!”

(Witkowski fiddles with Mary’s hair)
“What’s he doing? Picking nits?”

Mary: “How long will you be gone?”
Witkowski: “Four months.”
Crow: “She’ll be showing by then!”

“Do we get frequent flyer miles for watching this movie?”
“How much penance does this movie count for? Couple of years?”

(The Poopie Suit song had me in hysterics!!)

Mike: “I’ve got a lump in my throat.”
Crow: “I’ve got a lump in my Poopie Suit!”
Mike: “Now cut that out!”
Tom: “Just drop it!”
Crow: “I’ll eliminate it from my repertoire!”

“Captain, is Europe a big country?”
“I don’t speak Europe.”

“I really think there’s more nothing in this movie than in any movie we’ve seen.”